Archive of Our Own

What If You're Someone I Just Want Around?

1: Sarcasm

Keith

“It started out as a feeling…”

It was the constant stream of chatter that was distracting, Keith decided. Like trying to concentrate on anything when the sun was shining directly into your eyes.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on his assigned reading when the loud boy in the corner would not shut up.

Or, Keith realized to his utter dismay, the actual distracting part may have been because what the boy was talking about was so much more interesting than the dry, tedious paragraph he’d been trying to read on the water recycling process of a space vessel.

The first thing Keith had noticed about the loud boy was his voice.

Stepping into the classroom on that first day at the Garrison, Keith had been met with a scene he was all too familiar with: That one outgoing kid surrounded by friends and people who just wanted to be part of his world, chattering on about something Keith didn’t care about. He had kept well away from the group on that day, finding a desk at the back of the room, ready to ignore everything and everyone for the duration of the lesson.

He had planned to spend his time at the Garrison doing exactly that – except the next thing he noticed was the boy’s smile.

It was their first day in the simulator, and Keith already knew he was going to get a better score than the rest of his classmates.

When his name was called, he tried to put on an air of boredom as he sauntered up to take his seat in the pilot’s chair.

As soon as his hands gripped the controls and the program began, however, his lackadaisical attitude vanished, because this was why he was here. This was the only thing he truly enjoyed. He didn’t care about the physics or technical aspects of what made a spacecraft fly – he just wanted to fly.

He had never had an extroverted and charming personality like the loud boy. He couldn’t make friends easily, and he certainly couldn’t keep them. What he could do, though, was show everyone through his ability in the simulator that he wasn’t someone to simply write off.

He knew from experience this often made the other kids hate him, but he was fine with that. Being hated meant he still occupied a place in their thoughts, and that, to him, was better than being forgotten.

Keith was expecting their reactions as he stepped out of the simulator – jealousy, suspicion, anger, annoyance. It was the same reaction every time he did something unexpected; something better than anyone was expecting from the quiet boy in the corner.

He let his gaze sweep over his classmates’ faces, trying to keep his own expression as bland and emotionless as possible. Except the moment Keith’s eyes landed on the loud boy, everything ground to a halt – because he was grinning, wild and bright, and for some reason it struck Keith as a challenge. There was a competitive fire lighting up his face, and he met Keith’s stare dead on as if to say I’m gonna pay attention to you because you’re the one to beat.

For the first time, Keith found himself smirking as he returned to his place amongst the group.

After all, he had never been able to back down from a challenge.

He had paid more attention after that, in his own way. He kept an eye on the loud boy from across the room. He lingered to see what grades he received on his tests and assignments, and he watched his turns in the simulator.

Because of this, the next thing Keith noticed about the boy was his eyes.

Despite the bright smiles and boisterous conversations that followed him like a spotlight, Keith saw the flicker of disappointment whenever he got a low score or a bad grade.

He watched that fire of competition begin to fizzle out as time dragged on.

The boy had once looked at Keith with challenge and eagerness, but the more Keith excelled, the larger the gap between them grew until it was a dark chasm pushing them farther and farther away from one another.

The farther the metaphorical distance became, the more the loud boy looked at Keith as everyone else did; his once bright eyes turning sour and jealous.

For some reason, however, Keith couldn’t dismiss him like everyone else.

He had been paying attention for too long, and he had seen what the boy could do. He had seen the moments where he was relaxed and in control – not showing off for his friends. He had heard the ideas the boy came up with that others often dismissed – and they had been good and logical and simple.

For the first time in his life, Keith wondered that if maybe he just took a step over the line of his comfort zone, they could actually be friends. Maybe they could help each other out and grow together into something better.

Keith shut his textbook and stuffed the boring thing into his bag, hoisting it over his shoulder. He had read and reread the same three words without getting any further because all he could hear was the argument from the corner on whether or not aliens were real.

He made his way toward the group, slowing as he approached them and opening his mouth to offer a greeting –

And abruptly all their eyes were on him.

“Oh, look, Shirogane’s golden boy wants to grace us with his presence.” It was not the loud boy who spoke, but one of his friends. “Were we being too loud for you? Disturbing your brooding time, perhaps?”

Keith’s mouth snapped shut, an ugly feeling worming its way into the pit of his stomach as he looked at each of them in turn.

One boy with a headband who often hung around the loud boy was the only one who looked slightly uncomfortable. The others wore variations of the same expression, and Keith supplied what they were thinking for himself:

You’re a loser, one was telling him.

Nobody wants you here, another one sneered.

You don’t belong with us, said a third.

We are never going to be friends, the loud boy told him, eyes cold.

And Keith turned on his heels and walked out of the classroom.

“Oh no…” the loud boy’s voice floated after him, sarcastic and jeering. “Please stay, Keith. I’m sure you had something really insightful to say.”

Just that I think you’re a lot smarter than you let people see, Keith thought bitterly as the echoes of their laughter propelled him down the hallway.

******

2: Surprise

Lance

“Which then grew into a hope.”

Life on the Castleship didn’t warrant a lot of free time, and that was the hardest part to adjust to for Lance. One minute he had been in school doing homework, sneaking out of his room with a reluctant Hunk, and looking forward to breaks so he could go back home and see his family. The next minute he was a soldier caught in a war he still didn’t know much about.

What made it more difficult was how easily everyone else seemed to fall into their new roles, and their new lives in space.

Despite the air of stress that often surrounded her, Lance knew Pidge was having the time of her life. She had jumped headfirst into discovering all she could about alien technology, and she was closer than she’d ever been to finding her father and brother.

Hunk had taken over the kitchen and of course nobody objected. He often rattled on to Lance about how excited he was to get the opportunity to work with new flavors and alien ingredients. Even when he wasn’t cooking, he was eagerly trailing on Pidge’s heels, learning all he could about Altean engineering.

Shiro had settled into the roll of leader like a soft bed after a hard day’s work. Lance didn’t know what he had been through since the Kerberos team had been reported missing, but he was impressed how Shiro never let it interfere with their work as Voltron – always remaining clearheaded and calm in the face of literal evil.

And Keith had snapped right into soldier mode the minute they had landed in the castle that first day. As far as Lance could tell, if they weren’t on a mission, he was training. He honestly was not sure if Keith even got any sleep at night.

It made him feel somewhat guilty that despite everything, he still wanted to relax and have fun when there was no mission to focus on.

At the same time, however, he felt that if they were all work-focused 100% of the time, the likelihood of one of them having some kind of mental breakdown was pretty high.

He had learned quickly, however, that the task of trying to get any of them to take a break and relax a little was near impossible.

Shiro, Allura and Coran were off limits; he felt like he would be bothering them even by asking. They always seemed to have other things going on – important, universe altering things he didn’t want to interrupt.

Pidge was a potential candidate, but with her it was either Fuck yeah, let’s play video games or Lance, leave me alone. I’m busy. There was no middle ground.

If Lance was being honest with himself, he had never approached Keith to even ask. He was definitely curious to see how his teammate would respond, because he often wondered if Keith knew what the word relax even meant. He had just never worked up the courage to follow through.

That left Hunk, of course, who’d been Lance’s friend since the Garrison, and who was his obvious first choice. Most times Hunk was down to chill and forget about more pressing, war-related matters. They could play games, or snack on strange alien foods and pretend for a minute or two they weren’t involved in something bigger than either of them could comprehend.

So Lance was particularly annoyed that on this day when there was no mission and nothing extra they needed to get done, Hunk had decided to take this opportunity to clean the kitchen.

It had taken some time, but he had finally convinced Hunk to let him at least hang around and chat – as long as he promised to not touch anything and stay out of the way.

This was how Lance found himself leaning against the counter, currently engaged in a heated debate that was both stupid and pointless – the best kind, in his opinion, because there was really nothing quite like getting worked up over something that did not matter one tiny bit.

It was in the middle of one of Hunk’s rants that movement from the doorway caught Lance’s attention.

Keith paused for a moment in the doorway before entering. Without a greeting or a word, he made his way over to the ship’s version of a fridge and pulled out one of the juice packs.

Lance continued to pay attention to Hunk with one ear, but now he was acutely aware of the way Keith lingered and seemed to be listening to their conversation as he sipped his juice pack.

Hunk gave Lance a weird look as he held up a hand to silence him, mid rant.

“Hey, Keith, maybe you can help me out, here,” Lance called across the room.

For a second Keith froze like he had been caught doing something illegal. Then he gave a small shrug, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Lance. Hunk might be onto something, there.”

“Yeah!” Hunk waved his scrubber brush in Lance’s face. “See? Thank you, Keith. I always knew you were a smart guy.”

“Except no,” Lance protested emphatically. “Yeah – okay, fine – there are a lot of foods that go with chocolate or peanut butter, but you can’t open a restaurant that’s just a fondue buffet with those as your bases because you think all foods go with either one or the other. What about fruit?”

“Um, bananas, strawberries –“

“Um no. Don’t be basic, Hunk.” Lance lowered his voice mockingly. “Kiwis. Cantaloupe. Papayas.”

To his surprise, Keith chuckled softly, leaning back against the space fridge. “That’s…actually a solid point. Nobody wants a chocolate covered kiwi.”

“Okay that does sound gross,” Hunk conceded. “But it’s a big universe and I’m sure someone would love it. Just saying. Then how about this? Chocolate and cheese! That way you cover your sweet and savory bases.”

“Dude.” Lance gave him a look. “Nobody wants a cheese covered kiwi, either.”

Hunk brandished the scrubber brush like a weapon. “Forget the kiwis, buddy. What’s your obsession with them anyway? No, you just separate savory food and sweet food. So like –“

“Cheese covered shrimp.”

Keith stated it so bluntly and with so much conviction that Lance burst into laughter.

“I told you he was funny, man.” Hunk nudged Lance’s shoulder with his scrubber brush, sounding like a proud father.

Lance was still chuckling as Keith pushed himself away from the fridge, looking a weird combination of pleased and sheepish. “Anyway, I’d better –“

“Wait, wait –“ Lance was waving at him before he could continue. “Where are you going? You gotta stay and help me defeat Hunk in this epic debate!”

Keith paused, eyes going wide for a second before glancing between Hunk and Lance. “Um…really?”

And Lance filed that reaction away for another time.

Now was not the time to wrap his brain around the flicker of genuine surprise on Keith’s face; like the idea of asking him to stay and hang out was something unheard of.

Now was not the time, because if that was the case, it meant that maybe Keith didn’t spend all his free time alone because he wanted to. It meant that maybe he just…never felt welcome.

“Um yeah, man,” he said instead. “You and me gotta team up against the big man. You gotta help me out, here!”

Keith only hesitated for another moment before walking over to the counter and leaning up against it beside Lance.

“Keith, buddy –“ Hunk groaned. “I thought we were friends! Two on one isn’t fair.”

Lance laughed again, slinging an arm around Keith’s shoulders, and winking at Hunk. “Hunk, my dude…you’re easily worth two men. Don’t sell yourself short. Plus,” he added with a sniff. “I’m still gonna be doing most of the heavy lifting. Keith’s just here for moral support.”

He yelped as Keith’s elbow collided with his ribs. As he pulled his arm back, however, he couldn’t quite hold back the grin that was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Because Keith was grinning, too, even as he rolled his eyes.

*******

3: Scared

Keith

“Which then turned into a quiet thought –“

“Hey man. Going somewhere?”

Keith whirled around, trying to hide the backpack slung over his shoulder.

Lance gave him a look before pushing away from the doorframe he’d been leaning against. His sneakers squeaked on the shiny hangar floor as he strode toward Keith.

“Off for a nice midnight stroll through the hangar with a runaway bag?” Lance’s words were innocent enough, but his tone told Keith immediately he wasn’t about to put up with any excuses.

Except excuses were all Keith had to offer.

Squaring his shoulders, he looked Lance dead in the eye as he lied. “Just checking on the ships. Making sure everything is running smoothly.”

Lance held his gaze for a moment too long, making his disbelief apparent, before tilting his head and giving a nonchalant shrug. “Makes sense. As the leader, now, it’s your responsibility to make sure everything’s good.”

Keith had to force himself not to wince. “Yup. That’s…why I’m doing it.”

“That’s the reason you’re sneaking around the hangar in the middle of the night with a packed bag.”

The only option was to deflect. “What are you doing here? You’re not thinking of leaving, are you? Stepping down like you said before?”

“Is that what you’re doing? Leaving? Abandoning us?”

Keith did flinch at that, taking a step back – and that was apparently enough of a sign for Lance to finally drop the act.

“I knew something was up after our last mission,” he said, eyes sharp. “You weren’t acting like yourself. And you weren’t at dinner.”

Yeah, well, get used to it. Keith wanted to say it, but bit his tongue instead – still hoping that if he just continued to deflect, he could appease Lance’s suspicions enough so he would return to his room and let Keith do what he had planned.

Lance took a step forward – looking a bit too concerned to flawlessly pull off the seriousness he was trying to convey. “Keith – seriously, man, what’s going on? I get that the mission failed and everyone was pissed, but you just…stood there and let them yell at you. You didn’t even try to defend yourself.”

Keith pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, clamping down on it hard with his teeth.

Ever since he had been given the roll of leader, there had been a hollow feeling slowly growing inside his chest. He had experienced it before when he was younger. It had showed up every time he had been moved to a new foster home. It had resurfaced at the Garrison after Shiro disappeared.

It was the feeling he got when he knew it was time to move on.

The sharp pang in his heart, telling him he didn’t belong anymore.

That feeling had been tugging on him for a while, and after today’s mission, he knew it was time.

Looking at Lance, now, under the florescent glow of the hangar lights, he tried to keep his expression blank, but apparently his silence said more than he intended because abruptly Lance’s shoulders slumped.

“Oh.” Then, quietly – “Keith, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I never said it was.”

“But you let them yell at you like it was.” Lance’s voice was too soft. “You let them yell at you like you deserved it.”

It was dangerous, standing here with the last person he had wanted to run into during his escape. With the others, he probably could have given some excuse and talked his way out of it – he was restocking the ships; he couldn’t sleep – but Lance was too perceptive for his own good, and he wasn’t going to accept just any old bullshit Keith could come up with off the top of his head.

He also had a tendency to push Keith’s buttons, and currently he was getting closer and closer to unintentionally pushing Keith toward his breaking point.

Keith tried to glare away the mounting frustration bubbling up between his ribs. “Whatever. Just leave me alone.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening right now.” Lance shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, glaring back. “I’m not letting you just walk away from us.”

Keith rolled his eyes, sneering to combat the truth of what he felt. “Oh, you’re not letting me? What could you possibly do, Lance?”

It was meant to spark one of their old arguments and get the other boy annoyed enough so he would eventually storm off. It should have been simple. It had worked so many times before.

Except –

“See, that!” Lance pointed a finger at Keith’s face. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about!” He let out a frustrated groan, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not – this isn’t you, okay? We make fun of each other a lot and we say some stuff, but it’s never like that. You’re not…mean on purpose.”

“I’m not a lot of things.” The words were out before Keith could bite them back – and he immediately regretted it.

Something passed across Lance’s eyes for a split second, but then he was shaking his head. “Yeah, you’re not. You’re not a quitter, for one. You’re not the kind of person to just give up. I guarantee that if the rest of us were at our absolute limit, you’d still be out there with some fight left in you. That’s why I’m here, man. That’s why I kept an eye on you ever since we got back. Because something is going on, and it must be really bad for you to just decide to abandon us like this.”

Keith’s lip curled in a snarl, trying desperately to hang onto anger or frustration or any emotion that felt familiar. “Stop saying that.”

“What? Abandon? Because you know that’s what you’re doing, right?” Lance’s words were like a sledgehammer being driven against a stone, each strike cracking the surface just a little more – the whole thing poised on the brink of total annihilation. “You’re packed and leaving in the middle of the night. You’re our leader, and you’re just running away from us because you’re so scared of –“

“I am scared!” The stone shattered, shards flying in all directions. “I’m so fucking scared, and none of you ever –“ Keith tried to stop the words. He tried to regain control, but it was too late. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and everything is always my fault. Every decision I make is wrong, and one day it’s going to get someone killed – and it should be me, but somehow even if I did that it would still end up being wrong, and I can’t –” He was breathing hard. He couldn’t even look Lance in the face; he could only focus on his own trembling hands held out before him. “I’m the leader. I’m supposed to have everything together and under control like Shiro did. But I’m not Shiro – I’m nothing like him, and I don’t know what I’m fucking doing! I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want this – I’m not good at this, but I thought –“ he choked a little, shaking his head. “I thought maybe I could handle it because it was all of you; because we were supposed to be a team. But we’re – we’re not. It’s all on me, and nobody even gave me a chance. They just – just get mad at me for what I did wrong like I’m trying to fuck everything up. And I know – I know it’s war and I’m whining like a kid. I know how high the stakes are – but that’s why I have to go.” He could feel his legs shaking, now. For all he knew Lance was standing there laughing at him. Or he had just given up and walked away, leaving Keith to break down to an empty hangar. “Shiro’s back, now. He obviously doesn’t trust me to lead anyway, and everyone hates me already, so…so he can just take over and make everything right again. All I’ve done this whole time is make the wrong decisions and put everyone in danger. This is the only thing I can do to fix it before it’s to late.” He unclenched his fists, suddenly and blindingly ashamed of his outburst. “Everything will be better once I’m gone.”

The silence in the hangar was sudden and deafening. Keith didn’t dare look up beyond raising his eyes just far enough to see Lance’s shoes to confirm he hadn’t moved from where he stood.

“Where are you planning to go?” When Lance’s voice came, there was no laughter in it.

Keith clutched the strap of his backpack, shaking his head. “Nowhere. Away. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

“I have an alternative.”

It was the quiet sincerity in Lance’s voice that made Keith finally look up.

Lance wasn’t laughing at him. He wasn’t mocking him. He was serious and quiet as he held out one hand to Keith. And Keith could only stare at him because he had never seen Lance look so sad.

“Please take the alternative.” It was a whisper, but he heard it clearly in the silent hangar. “Please give me a chance.”

Before he knew it, Keith found himself reaching out. Lance’s fingers wrapped around his, warm and strong. He allowed himself to be lead towards Red, up the ramp and into the cockpit.

Neither of them spoke as the lion surged out of the hangar, soaring into the vast expanse of space beyond the Castle. They flew in silence – no direction, no heading, no destination – until Lance finally brought the lion to a stop, facing a particularly large and colorful nebula.

Only then did Keith dare to speak. “So what’s your alternative?”

Lance’s hands hovered over the controls, his face bathed in the soft red glow of the lion’s interior. “My alternative is you don’t go. You stay, and we figure this out.”

Keith sagged a little against the console, letting his backpack slide to the floor. The whole scope of the situation forced a breathless chuckle from his mouth. “You know…if I ever called you dumb, I didn’t mean it.”

That made Lance look up at him, one eyebrow raised.

Keith waved a hand between them before extending the gesture out toward the expanse of stars shimmering beyond the Lion’s window. “You said you weren’t going to let me leave, and somehow in the middle of my fucking breakdown you figured out exactly how to do it. It’s just you and me and Red out here. So my only options are either hear you out, or steal the lion but drag you with me wherever I go.” He shook his head, letting admiration fill some of the hollowness in his chest. “As much as I hate to admit it, I think you might be more of a strategist than I am.”

Lance’s hands came off the controls, then, and he half turned, propping one leg up on the pilot’s chair. “Okay, then. Use me.” The flicker of shock must have shown on Keith’s face because Lance snorted. “For strategy, dude. That’s the whole point of a team. It’s not supposed to be all on one person, and we need to fix that.”

It sounded so simple. It sounded so nice. Except…

“Nobody trusts me, Lance.”

“I do.” The response was immediate and firm. “I trust you as the leader, and I trust you with my life.”

“I’m not the leader you deserve.”

“Not if you don’t give yourself a chance.”

Keith sighed, folding his arms over his chest.

Conversations with Lance never turned out the way he expected. If they spent the whole time bickering with each other, he found himself grinning on his way back to his room afterwards instead of feeling annoyed. If Lance made a horrible, stupid joke that was absolutely not funny, he found himself wanting to laugh instead of roll his eyes.

And here, tonight, he had been physically and mentally prepared to give up everything and run. He would have done it, except Lance had been the one to confront him, and now he was beginning to doubt his conviction.

“Do you want to leave?” Lance’s voice was subdued. “Or do you just think it’s your only option?”

That was the problem, and Keith knew it. He didn’t want to leave. Except if he stayed he would be letting everyone down, and that would be worse than being alone.

Keith braced his hands on the console, letting his head hang forward. He heard the soft creak of the chair as Lance got up and moved over to stand beside him.

“Are you unhappy with us?”

The question was so unexpected, Keith’s head snapped up, the corners of his mouth pulling down in a scowl as the truth spilled out.

“No, I don’t want to go.” It felt sour, admitting it, like he had been lying about everything before. “I don’t want to leave because I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier than with…”

With you.

He had been about to say it – and Lance probably would have taken it as the collective ‘you.’ He would have taken it as Keith saying he was happy with the team; he was happy with this strange little group of people he had come to care about in a way he wasn’t used to.

And Keith would have gone along with that, because the real meaning of I’ve never been happier than with you was something big and scary – and something he was not ready to unpack just yet.

“So don’t go.” Lance turned his back on the universe, taking one of Keith’s wrists in his hand. “Because you’re right. This is scary, but I…I don’t feel as scared when you’re there. I know how stupid this must sound to you because I haven’t always been…whatever. We were both kindof dicks to each other in the beginning, let’s be honest.” He leveled a pointed look at Keith – who couldn’t stop the twitch of a smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“I know what you mean,” Keith admitted. “About it being…less scary.”

Lance let out a shaky breath, his fingers tightening. “Then stay. Stay with us. We’ll figure this out so you don’t – don’t feel like that anymore, okay? Because – shit, man – what you said was like the biggest gut punch and I hate myself a little for making you feel like that. But that’s why we have to communicate, here.” He waggled his free hand between the two of them. “You and me, okay? Be on the same page. Help each other out.” He let out a nervous laugh. “Because this whole situation we’re in is so fucked up, Keith – but for some reason the thought of doing this all without you is scarier than anything else. I know it’s hard, but I think we can do this if we actually work together. You just have to talk to me. You’ll be the leader and I’ll be your right hand man.” He waved a vague gesture in the air. “Literally. But I also mean, like, your go-to guy. Your second in command. Whatever. Just…just together. Please. I want to help you, but you gotta let me.”

Together.

The word radiating out from the spot where Lance’s fingers still wrapped around his wrist, spreading warmth up his arm and into his chest.

“We…help each other?” Keith hated how small his voice sounded.

The flash of relief that showed on Lance’s features as he grabbed both of Keith’s hands was heartbreaking. “We help each other,” he confirmed. “We work together. We make sure the others are on board so it doesn’t get like this for you or for any of us again.”

“And I can…” The sudden lump in Keith’s throat was very annoying. “I can talk to you? I can complain to you if I need to? And you’re not going to laugh at me or think I’m weak?”

Lance cursed softly under his breath. “Keith…I think you’re probably the strongest person I know, but everyone’s got a breaking point and the stronger something is, the harder it breaks. So I think you have to…let yourself break a little bit sometimes or else it becomes too much, you know?” He paused for a second, studying Keith’s face. “And speaking of talking stuff out… Look, I just want to say I’m sorry. I wanted the Black Lion because the thought of being the leader sounded so cool. It was a chance to prove myself and show off, so I thought you were crazy for not wanting it, but…it’s because you knew what kind of responsibility it actually was. I get it, now. You weren’t ready for it, but, Keith…none of us were ready for any of this. We’re stuck here, though, and we can’t just give up. People are counting on us – on all of us – and I’m not gonna let you take all that responsibility on yourself anymore.”

“Because we make a good team?”

“Can’t confirm or deny –“ Lance’s bottom lip jutted out into a dramatic pout – and Keith found himself smiling.

Their hands were still clasped together and Keith shut his eyes, allowing his muscles to relax for the first time since they had returned from the mission. He let himself tip forward until he felt his forehead collide softly with Lance’s.

“You’re really important, you know that?” Keith let the words hang between them, feeling like he should add more – to the team, to the cause, to me – but not knowing how to express the scope of everything he meant by that statement.

The breath Lance let out was rough and halting. His hands squeezed tightly around Keith’s for a moment that felt like forever.

“So…what do you say, man?” Lance’s voice faltered, unsteady and unsure. “Are you gonna, like, shove me out an airlock and escape in Red, or are you –?”

“I’ll stay.” It was barely above a whisper. “I’ll stay, Lance, but…can we maybe not…head back right away?”

Lance hesitated for a second before his hands were slipping out of Keith’s and then all the air was being forced from Keith’s lungs in the sudden, bone-crushing hug he was yanked into.

Just as quickly, Lance released him and hopped back into the pilot’s chair. “Honestly, man? I’m way too wound up to try to go back to bed right now anyway. Wanna blast some fireballs at that cluster of stars over there?”

Keith’s runaway backpack lay forgotten in the corner as he lunged toward the console. “Fuck. Yes.”

*******

4: Safe

Lance

“Which then turned into a quiet word.”

After they landed in the hangar, Lance’s hands remained locked around the controls, needing to cling to something solid. When he was finally able to get up on unsteady legs and make his way out of the cockpit, it felt like his body was moving on autopilot. The single coherent thought that cut through the buzzing in his mind was the only thing that made sense to him in that moment; the only thing that kept his feet moving:

Just make it back to your room. Just get to your room and you’ll be okay.

He almost lost it when he saw Allura standing at the bottom of the ramp – her eyes wide and her mouth open like she was preparing to say something. Thankfully, she only grabbed onto his hand and clung to it – and that small gesture gave Lance the strength to look up into her worried face.

“It’s okay,” he found himself whispering. “We’re okay.”

As they walked back toward the rest of the group, Lance could feel both Pidge’s and Hunk’s eyes on him – and it became suddenly, blindingly clear from the expressions they wore, neither of them had any idea what had happened.

They don’t need to know, his mind assured him. They don’t need to worry. Just get to your room and it’ll all be okay.

He forced a smile in their direction, to which Pidge only raised her eyebrows while Hunk gave him a supportive and subtle thumbs up. Only then did Lance realize they had not been staring at him, but at his and Allura’s clasped hands.

As that thought registered, he immediately found his gaze sweeping the hangar in search of the rest of the team.

Shiro slumped against Keith as they made their way toward the group. One of Keith’s arms was wrapped around Shiro’s waist, holding the larger man up, whispering something in his ear.

As they neared the group, Keith raised his head – and from how his attention went immediately to Lance, it was obvious he knew.

His gaze was almost too intense for Lance to handle in that moment, because it held a poorly veiled mix of fear and relief. Lance had learn to read Keith over all this time they had spent working together, however, and he forced himself to look past the emotions to see the message Keith was trying to convey without words: I’ll come find you. We need to talk.

He gave the smallest of nods, and Keith inclined his head for a second, though his expression didn’t change.

It will be okay, Lance told himself. Just get back to your room, and everything will be okay.

But everything was not okay after Lance got back to his room.

He had been telling himself that as soon as he stepped through the door, everything would go back to normal. His room was the closest thing to home he had on the ship – and home was where he felt safe.

Except he opened the door and stepped over the threshold – and there was nothing there to greet him except the dim glow emanating from the panels above the bed.

The emptiness invaded his mind as he shuffled across the floor, moving blindly toward the bathroom.

As soon as Lance had come to terms with the fact that this situation they had all been thrown into was not a temporary one, he had tried his best to make his room feel like an actual lived in space. He had taken pictures on his phone and printed them out with Pidge’s help, adhering them to the stark walls. He had bought several changes of clothes and purposely left them lying on the floor because every time he looked at a stray shirt or pair of pants he was reminded of the look his mom used to give him when he had done that at home. He had picked up souvenirs, of course – things he had gathered on their travels, visiting alien planets here and there – ornaments and shells and weird stuffed animals that in some odd way all reminded him of Earth.

But he could not even bring himself to look at any of it, now, because it had never looked so alien.

Home was warm. Home was bright. Home was the smell of dinner cooking, or the soft ocean breeze shifting the curtains. Home was the faint sound of laughter or voices drifting from another room.

Home was family, and family made him feel safe.

This room was not home because he stepped through the door and no one was there to greet him. No one was there to hug him or comfort him after what had happened.

This room was not home, because Lance was alone.

Reality caught up to Lance as he came to stand in front of the sink.

For a moment, all he could do was stare at his own reflection, because he knew what his face was supposed to look like, and this wasn’t it. He didn’t recognize the boy staring back at him with wide, dead eyes framed by dark circles, his mouth pulled taught in a hard line.

This was the face of a boy who wore armor and wielded a gun.

This was the face of a boy who had almost permanently vanished from the universe.

The realization of how close he had come to never seeing his family again almost drove him to his knees.

He clutched the sink, knuckles turning white under his paladin gloves, as he fought to shove that thought away until he could breathe normally once again.

But the thought was persistent. Relentless.

You died today.

You would be gone forever if not for Allura.

Then quieter, like a whisper of a thought at the back of his mind:

Would your family ever know?

Do they already think you’re dead?

Have they already given up on you?

Does anyone even care?

Somewhere amidst the turmoil, he knew those whispers were false. He saw it in Allura’s face as she stood at the bottom of the ramp. He saw it in Keith’s eyes as they met his across the hanger.

He understood it in the knowledge of how well he knew his family. He knew how much they loved him – but that didn’t cancel out the persistent nagging emptiness that stemmed from the fact that he had actually died.

It had only been for a moment – but in that moment, his heart had stopped.

In that moment, Lance had ceased to exist – and all that remained was this dead-eyed boy staring back at him in the mirror.

With that thought came another – bigger and scarier than the rest.

Who am I now?

What if I’m not the same person anymore?

What if I wasn’t supposed to have survived?

His reflection gave him no answers.

Lance wasn’t sure how much time had passed since they arrived back at the Castle.

He had a vague sense that he’d had enough time to remove his armor, take a quick shower, and change into his clothes – all tasks his body performed instinctively while his mind balanced on the edge between stability and collapse.

Lance wrapped himself in his blanket, shoving his body into the farthest corner of his bed so his back was pressed against the wall, cradling his knees against his chest and willing this all to pass.

He was trying so hard not to let his mind wander to a place he wasn’t sure he’d come back from, that he barely heard the telltale swish of the door opening.

There was no hesitation in Keith’s steps as he hurried across the room and climbed onto the bed.

Lost in the turbulence of his own mind, Lance had forgotten Keith would be coming to check on him – and even as he raised his head, now, that annoying, logical corner of his brain was telling him to prepare for a lecture on being too reckless; to think of the team and the universe and not needlessly put himself in danger.

Except Keith looked at him like he hadn’t drawn a full breath since their lions landed in the hanger.

Lance watched, his mind still somewhere distant and dark, as one of Keith’s hands raised, fingers uncurling from a fist and trembling as they reached toward Lance’s face. His fingers grazed haltingly across Lance’s jaw to the spot just below, pressing against his neck.

Lance was so numb, he could barely feel Keith’s touch against his skin; he could barely register his own pulse beating beneath those trembling fingers. He could not comprehend the sight before him as Keith’s face crumpled, eyes going wide and glassy as a small, distressed sound escaped his throat.

Keith’s hand slid around to cup the back of Lance’s neck. He looked so alarmingly upset, Lance felt like he should probably say something.

“I’m okay.” His voice was hoarse from disuse, sounding distant and robotic to his ears. “It’s okay.”

Keith was already shaking his head, not even attempting to hide the tears dripping off his chin. “It’s not okay,” he rasped, fingers tightening as he pulled their faces closer together.

Lance could feel Keith’s breath on his face as he whispered, “You’re not okay, and I’m not okay. But –“ he broke off, letting a small, faltering sob slip past the usually unshakable barricade of his emotions. “But you’re w-warm, and you’re breathing and – and you’re alive, and – fuck.”

Lance barely had time to draw in a breath before Keith was choking out “I’m sorry, Lance,” and closing what little space remained between them.

In retrospect, it should have been surprising.

It should have been some earth-shattering revelation of a moment.

But all Lance felt was the inevitability of the action.

I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…

The words came intermittent and breathless with each kiss pressed against his cheeks, his forehead, his temples, his mouth. It was those words that grabbed hold of Lance’s mind, dragging him from the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole. The words and the kisses all burned with a desperation so fierce, the emotion began to seep in through the cracks of Lance’s heart.

The next time Keith’s lips met his, Lance surged forward, meeting him head on – hands coming up to grab onto Keith’s shirt, his arms, his shoulders, his hair –

They clung to one another – bodies pressed together, hands trying to pull the other closer than was physically possible, lips meeting again and again in breathless kisses – until Lance’s mind finally caught up to his body.

Gently, he pushed Keith back – just far enough so he could see his face and catch his breath.

“Why are you sorry?” His hands were already brushing across Keith’s cheeks, gently wiping away the tear tracks.

“This wasn’t –“ Keith drew in a shuddering breath, his face twisting in an expression Lance had never expected or hoped to see there. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I shouldn’t have kissed you so suddenly like that out of nowhere, but I…I saw you take the hit. I called your lion and –“ His lower lip trembled and he clamped it between his teeth, giving a sharp shake of his head. “I was on the comm with Allura. I saw her bring you back, but…I know what death looks like. I know what it…feels like to touch someone who isn’t there anymore. I was scared that when I finally made it to your room, I was going to find you…cold, and – and gone. And…and when I opened the door, for a second you looked at me like you weren’t here, and –” Keith shook his head again, one hand fisted in Lance’s shirt like if he let go, Lance would disappear. “I know it’s so fucking selfish, but I…I just need you to be here. If – if the kisses were too much…if that’s not – If it’s not the same for you, that’s okay. I don’t care what it all means, I just want you here. I just –”

“I died today.” Lance saw how Keith’s shoulders tensed up. It was the first time he had said the words out loud, and they felt strange and foreign on his tongue. “But…you’re here. And you’re crying.”

“What?”

“I was spiraling hard,” Lance breathed, his thumb absentmindedly stroking across Keith’s cheek. “It didn’t really sink in until I was back in my room, looking at myself in the mirror and realizing –“ He broke off as he felt his throat tighten.

“Your family?”

Lance nodded at the gentle question. His throat was still tight, but he fought past it. “They would have been proud of me.” He glanced up and saw understanding in Keith’s eyes. Horrible, empirical understanding. “It would have been a good death. I would have died saving a life. I would have given my life for the good of the universe. But…” He let his hand slide off Keith’s cheek, falling into his lap. Keith’s fingers were immediately curling around his and they both squeezed, unwilling to let go. “But I don’t want to die.” It was barely a whisper – a secret Lance had never spoken to anyone ever since the first time he had taken a seat in Blue’s cockpit. He could feel his eyes stinging, then, but the unwavering grip Keith had on his hand made him press onwards. “I want to go home. I want to have a life on the other side of all this. There are so many things I want, but I keep putting them on hold, waiting for some day when this is all over. But I died today. I actually died, and all of that would have been for nothing.” His gaze was fixed on Keith’s, unwavering, even as the tears slipped past his lashes.

Because something about Keith had always made him stronger, even when he felt his most weak.

All the late night talks they had shared over the months – years? – in space; all the insecurities and doubts they’d let slip to one another huddled shoulder to shoulder on the observation deck; all the times they had put their lives in each other’s hands during battle…all of it had been chipping away at both of their exteriors, piece by piece.

But every time another piece fell, it had been gathered up and built – slowly and diligently – into something bigger and stronger than either of them had realized; an unspoken, unshakable trust and understanding. A place where they were allowed to be weak, so they could learn just how strong they really were.

“I died today.” Lance’s voice was louder this time. “But…this is the first time I’ve ever seen you cry. Did you know that? You came here and you’re crying, and you kissed me, and –“ He squeezed Keith’s hand. “Why were we pretending this is not a thing? Because it is, Keith. Of course it’s the same for me. How could it not be? I don’t –“ he drew in a shaky breath, heart pounding. “I don’t know exactly what it is, and I don’t really care – because I know it’s something, and I don’t want to wait anymore for some day that might never come.” He yanked their hands upward, uncurling their fingers and pressing Keith’s open palm against his chest. “I died today, but I’m still here. I’m still alive. My heart is still beating – but I feel it beating for the first time since we landed, and that’s because of you; because you make me feel alive. I felt so alone before, Keith. I was so alone, but you came to check on me – not to check on your teammate to make sure I would still be able to fulfill my duties as a paladin, but to check on me; to make sure I was okay. I know – I know you’re the leader, and you probably have a million things to do. You have so many things that are more important than this…but you’re here. You’re here right now, and all I want to do is to ask you to stay. Can you stay with me, even if it’s just for a little while? Just stay, please.”

Lance didn’t realize he had started shaking until Keith’s hand slid up to his shoulder. Without a word – keeping a hold on one of Lance’s hands the entire time, he shifted until his back was pressed against the pillows at the head of the bed. Gently, he tugged him forward until he sat nestled in the protective circle of Keith’s arms.

Keith’s fingers were gentle as they combed through Lance’s hair, sweeping it back from his forehead in slow repetitive strokes. A firm kiss was pressed against his head, and then against his temple, his cheek, his ear.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” The words were soft and comforting, and Lance closed his eyes. “Everything else can wait.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

*******

5: Steady

Keith

“And then that word grew louder and louder until it was a battle cry –“

The voice came again, hollow and mechanic…

What are you?

What are you?

“My name is Keith, leader of Voltron. Paladin of the Black Lion.” He brushed aside the feeling of apprehension as a more pressing thought surfaced. “Wait. ‘Yordam bering exus.’ Is that you?”

Even though it was just a sentry floating in the darkened corridor before him, Keith felt that uneasy sensation of being watched. The voice came again – cold and threatening. “Where are the rest of the Galra?”

“They’re still on planet Ryker. Why?”

“Planet Ryker.” The words were repeated back to him, and then the sentry was moving.

Too late, Keith saw the creature – enormous and feral – looming in the shadows of the dead ship. It hurled the sentry’s body forward and he just barely had time to activate his bayard and slice it in half as it flew towards his head.

Every nerve in Keith’s body was screaming at him to run; his instincts telling him this creature could not be reasoned with. It could not be subdued or beaten.

His jetpack burst to life, propelling him down the corridor and away from the creature – but he knew it wasn’t going to be fast enough for him to escape.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he twisted, activating his shield just in time to catch the energy blast the creature shot from it’s gaping mouth.

The moment of impact was so powerful, Keith lost track of everything for a second – reality returning with a vengeance as his back slammed into the wall behind him. It was sheer luck he missed the second shot from the creature’s mouth, his momentum carrying him out of the way just in time.

Luck, however, wasn’t reliable – especially during a fight.

But there were other things he could rely on.

Keith had spent years building his skills as a fighter and a leader – and he had gained more than he could have ever hoped for. His instincts and reflexes he already possessed, but he had learned patience and logic and focus from the people who surrounded him. He had learned to not only trust his team, but to trust himself.

And most importantly of all, he had learned what he was fighting for.

The creature was charging at him, and his only option was to meet it head on. He squared up, lunging at the creature – only to have his bayard slice through empty air as it vanished, appearing directly behind him faster than he could comprehend.

Keith’s reflexes were the only thing that kept him from taking the full force of the creature’s arm as it swept toward his head – his body twisting just far enough so the beast’s claws glanced off his shield. The strength of that blow was so powerful, Keith heard a dull crack as the bones of his forearm gave way – pain shooting up into his shoulder.

Run! His body screamed at him.

It was obvious, now, just how easily this creature could snap him like a twig, and he knew running was the logical choice. Even if he couldn’t fully escape; even if he could just put some distance between himself and this beast, it was his best hope at prolonging his life.

Except…Keith had been running for so long. He had run, time and again, to protect himself; to save himself from pain and loss. It had been his first instinct for so many years – but things were different, now.

He didn’t want to run anymore.

It was no longer about protecting himself, because if he didn’t stand his ground; if he let this creature get past him, here and now, it would find the others – and the resolve to protect them no matter the cost outweighed everything else.

It was his duty to protect his family – to save the people he loved, and he would never run away from that.

He saw them in his mind. He let the image of their faces – smiling, laughing, beautiful – fuel his resolve.

He remembered Lance once telling him that when everyone else was finished, he was the one to still stand up and fight.

And so Keith fought –

As the bones in his already damaged arm snapped under the force of another blow.

As claws raked across his chestplate, leaving deep grooves in his armor and tearing through his bodysuit and his abdomen.

As the breath was forced from his lungs when another blast slammed him into the unyielding surface of the ship’s wall.

As his vision wavered in and out of focus and the throbbing in his head became nauseating.

Through it all the annoyingly stubborn part of his mind had stopped telling him to run, and now stood beside him, solid and resolute:

You can’t stop fighting.

You can’t let it get past you.

You can’t die until you know it’s safe for the others.

There was blood in his mouth. There was sweat in his eyes. There was fire in his lungs.

His shaking fingers were locked so tightly around his bayard, he could no longer feel them.

His vision was going dark so all he could see of the creature was a blurry shape. He tried to raise his weapon as it turned on him, but his arm refused to move. With a roar, the creature lunged –

– only to be knocked to the side as a barrage of blaster fire erupted from down the corridor.

Keith’s vision was wavering too much to make out anything other than flashes of white armor; he was breathing too hard and too fast to hear the gunshots as they whizzed past him, driving the creature back as it roared.

The world was caving in, and the voices around him couldn’t break through the static in his head. The ringing in his ears was drowning out everything else, and every breath he tried to draw was met with a sharp, blinding pain in his ribcage.

He could only let out a weak groan as someone’s hand found his shoulder – even that small touch jostling his broken arm.

He heard a voice, but it was too distorted to make out.

There were hands on his helmet, holding his head steady. He caught a glimpse of blue eyes – wide and furious and terrified – and he tried to speak, but he wasn’t sure if he even made a sound.

He was fighting a battle to stay conscious, but everything was fading. He knew the creature was still there; he knew he had to stay awake; to keep on fighting it, but his body refused to do what he needed.

The roaring in his ears became a suffocating wave engulfing him as the world faded away completely.

Pain and nausea were all Keith felt next.

He didn’t even try to move, because the slight jostling of his body was enough to tell him he’d regret it.

He was focused so wholly on the pain, it took him a moment to hear the voice whispering close to his ear.

His mind was still too cloudy to make out the words, but he desperately wanted to hear what this voice was saying. He wanted to hear, he wanted to respond, he wanted to open his eyes. So he tried. He tried with all his might, but it felt like there was a weight pressing down on his head, squeezing his brain and making sure his eyes remained closed.

With how difficult it was for him to draw a breath, talking was out of the question – but he tried that too. Through his efforts, he must have made some kind of sound because the whispering suddenly stopped and he heard the voice, louder and more urgent calling his name.

For a moment, the fog lifted just enough to let the words through.

Can you hear me? The voice asked, muffled and fuzzy. Are you…

He thought he could feel something squeezing his uninjured hand.

Stay with me, the voice pleaded. I don’t know if you can hear me, but just…sweetheart please. Love – Keith, please – I know it hurts, okay? I know it does, but you have to hang on. Please, can you do that for me? Please can you just stay with me?

Keith knew that voice, although his brain wouldn’t supply the name of who it belonged to. He knew it, though. He trusted it, and he would do anything it asked of him.

I’ll stay, he wanted to reply. I promise you I’ll stay.

But he was already drifting back into the void.

When consciousness returned to Keith a second time, the pain was gone and all that remained was stiffness and cold.

Waking from a healing pod was always a strange experience; like your body was being pushed upwards through a thin sheet of crushed ice.

Luckily there was usually someone there to catch you as you stumbled out of the pod.

This time, however, he wasn’t just caught by arms that held him up and set him on his feet. This time he was caught by arms that held him and didn’t let go; arms that wrapped around him and hands that clutched at the clingy fabric of the pod suit. This time a face was buried in the crook of his neck.

And he remembered.

The whispers in his ear, the voice he had known but couldn’t name, the hand gripping his own –

“I tried to tell you I’d stay.” Keith turned his head, eyes closed as he pressed his nose into Lance’s hair. “I wanted to tell you. You asked me to stay…”

He felt the sob climb through Lance’s body before it burst from his mouth, muffled against Keith’s shoulder.

Now it was his turn to hold Lance up. It was his turn to be the stability as Lance’s body sagged against him. This was how it had always been with them; this is how they had survived together – because when one of them broke, the other became strong.

“I’m sorry,” Keith whispered, pressing a kiss to Lance’s temple. “I had to fight. I had to keep it away from all of you.”

“It wasn’t going to hurt us.” Lance’s voice was thick with tears. “It only went after Galra.” He drew away, then, finally looking into Keith’s face, revealing the dark circles beneath his eyes, and the worry etched into his brow. “But as much as I hate that you did stay to fight it – why you put yourself at risk like that – it’s one of the reasons why I love you so goddamn much. And why –“ His voice caught, and Keith watched in fascination as tears pooled in Lance’s eyes, again. “Why I needed you to stay. I didn’t know if you could hear me. I didn’t know if you were even conscious – you were –“ He choked on the words, squeezing his eyes shut, letting the tears escape. Keith moved unconsciously to wipe them away as Lance opened his eyes again. “I just…I need you, okay? And I was so fucking stupid, Keith. How could I not have realized? I thought Oh, of course he must know just how crazy, stupid in love with him I am, right? And I think you do know, but I never said it and I hadn’t realized I had never actually said it until – and I’m talking too much and – shit…”

“Lance.”

At the sound of his name, Lance’s eyes flicked up to meet Keith’s, nervous and shiny.

“All I remember was the pain. Everything was…dark, and it was hard to think.” Keith’s thumb was still stroking gently across Lance’s cheek. “But I was conscious enough to hear your voice at one point. I couldn’t open my eyes and I couldn’t remember where I was or what was going on. I could hear you talking, but my brain couldn’t remember your name. I knew your voice, though. I recognized it, and I knew I would do anything you asked of me. And you asked me to stay.”

“I’ll always ask you to stay. Keith –“

“I know.” Keith caught Lance’s face in his hands, pulling him forward and pressing their foreheads together.

He felt the shaky breath Lance let out against his lips. “Do you? Do you really know what I mean by that?” The question was so soft and so vulnerable that Keith couldn’t help but pull him closer, his fingers sliding into Lance’s hair. “Do you actually understand how much I love you?”

Keith traced one thumb across Lance’s jaw. “I think sometimes,” he said carefully, wanting to pick the right words to properly convey the feeling in his chest. “We speak to each other in different ways. So yes, Lance. I know you love me. You could have never said it, and I think I would have still known.” He paused for a second as realization settled in. “Do you know how much I love you back? Do you know how to tell exactly how much I love you?” He didn’t give Lance an opportunity to respond. “It’s because I’m still here. I’m not running anymore. I’m not leaving anymore. You asked me to stay – and apparently not even death could drag me away from you, now.”

Lance was only able to let out an audible breath against Keith’s lips before the soft swish of the pod room doors opening interrupted anything he would have said or done.

The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat made them reluctantly pull away apart – just far enough to give each other a look, before turning to face the three figures waiting there expectantly.

“You know, you guys should really thank Hunk,” Pidge said, cocking her head to one side. “Shiro, Allura, and I were convinced you two were just hooking up, but Hunk was adamant you were doing all the mushy, romantic crap, too.”

“If you recall,” Shiro cocked his head to one side. “I did state in the beginning I believed they would start by simply hooking up, but would eventually catch feelings for each other.” He folded his arms across his chest, looking incredibly pleased with himself. “Feelings are officially caught, I think it’s safe to say.”

“I had really strong suspicions feelings were involved from the beginning,” Hunk remarked with a shrug. “But after seeing the way Lance reacted the whole trip back from that ship, and all the time you were in the pod, Keith –“ He shook his head. “Yeah, you don’t react like that unless you’re already in deep.”

Keith had his arm wrapped around Lance’s waist, while Lance’s was slung tightly around his shoulder. They cast a sidelong glance at one another before turning back to the others.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Keith deadpanned. “Lance and I are just really good friends, obviously.”

“Um yeah –“ Hunk held out his hands toward them, palms up. “Friends who love each other.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you guys,” Lance cut in with a disdainful sniff. “It’s a little weird you apparently think about us hooking up.”

“Yeah –“ Keith pointed a finger at each of them in turn. “I almost died and it seems like the only one who showed any kind of emotion was Lance, so we’re just going to go off and have a party and none of you are invited.”

He tugged on Lance’s waist and the two of them began parading toward the door out of the pod room, waving off the protests that followed them.

“Given new evidence, I amend my previous statement,” Pidge said as they breezed past her. “You’re definitely not just hooking up because, Keith, that was the most Lance thing you’ve ever said.” Her voice dropped low enough for them to just catch the next part as they stepped out into the hall. “Guys, they’re becoming like each other. They’re combining forces against us!”

It wasn’t until they were almost at Lance’s room that Keith noticed his shaking. He unwound his arm from Lance’s waist and placed both hands on his shoulders.

“Why are you crying?” He tried to keep his voice was gentle as possible. “What’s wrong?”

Lance only shook his head, his nose scrunching up as tears dripped off his chin. “It’s just –“ he croaked. “It’s a lot. I don’t even know how to –” He pressed one hand flat against Keith’s chest.

Neither of them needed to spell out what that gesture meant. They dealt with death every day. They’d all had their fair share of injuries and close calls. The thought that one of them might not make it back one day was ever present, lingering in their minds every time they donned their armor.

Keith squeezed Lance’s hand, pressing it firmly against the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. He didn’t need to say it. He looked into Lance’s eyes, shiny and bright, and he knew Lance understood.

My heart is yours, and I’ll keep it safe for you.

*******

+1: Serenity

Lance

“I’ll come back when you call me. No need to say goodbye.”

Lance was used to Keith waking up before him.

It wasn’t as if he slept well into the day, but no matter what, when he woke up in the morning Keith was usually either already up and puttering around their apartment or he was curled up next to Lance, scrolling through his phone.

On rare occasions, Lance would wake up with Keith snuggled against his back, one arm draped over his stomach.

Naturally those were his favorite days.

As consciousness slowly washed over him, Lance was thrilled to discover that today was one of those rare days. He shifted slightly and felt Keith’s arm tighten around his waist.

“You awake?” Lance murmured, warm and sleepy and comfortable.

The only response he got was a grumble and the feeling of Keith’s arm squeezing him even tighter.

He chuckled, patting the limb. “Okay, babe. I love you, too, but you gotta let me breathe.”

Keith’s grip relaxed a little, and Lance slid his arm over his boyfriend’s. They lay in silence for a few minutes, basking in the bliss of that special place between sleep and wakefulness. As Lance’s mind began to settle fully into consciousness, however, it brought with it all the day had in store. Heaving a sigh, he gave Keith’s arm another pat.

“Hey, love, we gotta get up. My parents are coming over, remember, and I gotta shower and make sure everything’s clean before they get here.”

He was expecting Keith to grumble again before reluctantly sliding out of bed so they could go about their morning routines, but he only pulled Lance closer, burying his face into the hair at the back of Lance’s neck. “No. Stay.”

“You know I’d stay in bed with you all day if I could, but I really do have to shower.”

“Stay with me.”

Lance paused at that, his mind snapping to attention, because this didn’t sound like regular early morning grumpiness. “You okay?” he asked gently. “Did you have a nightmare? We can stay here for a bit longer if that’s what you need.”

“No, I mean –“ When Keith finally untangled their limbs, it was only to push himself up just far enough to lean over his boyfriend, his hair tickling Lance’s cheek. “I mean…I just want you to stay with me. That’s all I want, okay?”

Lance twisted as far as he could with Keith’s arms boxing him in. He raised one hand, fingers brushing across Keith’s jaw. “What’s going on?” He wasn’t trying to hide the tinge of concern in his voice, now. He knew from experience, the more concerned he sounded, the quicker Keith would be to actually tell him what was wrong. “I want to stay with you, too, you know that.”

Keith drew in a wavering breath before he rocked back onto his heels. His voice sounded oddly strained as he asked, “Even if I want you to stay forever? Even if I asked you to stay with me for the rest of your life, Lance? Because that’s what I want, and I hope…I hope that’s what you want, too, because –“

Lance had rolled over completely by then, a frown wrinkling his brow. As he took in the scene before him, though, the lines on his face softened. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open, because –

“– Because,” Keith whispered. “I’d really like to be your husband, if you’ll have me.”

And Lance found he couldn’t breathe.

His eyes swept the room, taking in the scene in stages:

The vase of flowers sitting on the nightstand by Keith’s side of the bed.

The card propped against the vase with words scrawled across it in Keith’s best handwriting:

Lance, will you marry me?

The small box resting beside the card, lid open to reveal a flash of gold in the early morning light streaming through their bedroom window.

Keith himself, kneeling at the edge of the bed – hair messy; eyes a mix of hopeful and nervous.

The way he was chewing on his lip.

The way his hands fidgeted anxiously.

I’d really like to be your husband…

It was all too much, all of a sudden.

As Lance’s vision blurred with tears, he saw panic flash across Keith’s face, the way it did every time he thought he had done something wrong.

Keith scooted forward on the bed, reaching out a tentative hand, and Lance grabbed it, clasping it in both of his and bringing it to his face to press a teary kiss to the heel of Keith’s palm.

“You planned this whole thing, you asshole.” Lance’s voice cracked. “And you couldn’t have waited five minutes so I could brush my teeth? You’re seriously gonna propose to me while I have morning breath?”

He knew what effect his words would have on Keith – but the look of pure relief was so all consuming, Lance let out a peel of watery laughter, wiping away his tears with the collar of his shirt.

“Man…you actually thought I was gonna say no?”

“You still haven’t said yes,” Keith reminded him softly.

Smiling, Lance pushed himself up so they were both kneeling on the bed. “I can’t believe you beat me to it. I mean,” he conceded with a shrug. “I’m glad you did, to be honest, because this is just… You’re incredible, you know that?”

Keith bit his lip, and Lance could see the smile he was trying to hold back in the attempt of remaining serious. “Lance, it would be really great if you could actually give me an answer.”

“Ask me again.” It was a whisper. “Because I only get to do this once.”

Keith raised an eyebrow as his shoulders hunched, pulling up toward his ears. “You never know. You could always find someone who –“

“No. Nope. I’m gonna stop that train of thought right there, buddy.” Lance waved a hand in his face. “This is the one and only time I’m ever answering this question.” He rocked back on his heels, letting the eddies of his emotions settle over his shoulders like a warm blanket. “Now ask me again, please.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Keith shook his head, but his smile leaked pure adoration. He reached over and took the box off the nightstand, looking down at it in his hands for a moment before raising his gaze to Lance. “But you’re also smart and kind and brave and beautiful. You make every day brighter than the last, and I don’t…I don’t actually know if you understand how much you mean to me. I don’t know if you understand how much you have changed me and helped me and just been there when I needed.” Lance’s breath caught as he saw Keith’s eyes go a little shiny. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t have everything I have now. I wouldn’t have given myself a chance to be happy like this.”

Keith bowed his head for a moment, and Lance saw his hands tighten on the box.

“Go on, love,” he prompted, soft and reassuring. “I’m already crying, so you might as well join me.”

That got a watery chuckle out of Keith as he raised his head again, face settling into something earnest. “For the longest time, I believed everyone I ever loved was going to leave. I believed that no one would bother to stick around. They would stop loving me. They would die. They would just cease to care and go on to better things.”

Lance had to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from jumping in, but he knew he had to let Keith speak his piece. Besides, they had already had this conversation. They had had it so many times, he knew that Keith actually believed him when he whispered There are no better things when it comes to you.

“What was the point of letting people in? What was the point of getting close to anyone if they were just going to leave one day? But you…” Keith faltered, voice catching in his throat. “You kept asking me to stay. Before we were even together. You would ask me to hang out; you would tell me to be careful before a mission. I never felt needed until I met you. I felt like a shadow of a person just floating through life, waiting to eventually die. But you…grounded me. You gave me something to live for; something to look forward to. You made my future look a little more solid. So I’m asking you to stay, now. I just want to be with you. I just want to keep you in my life for as long as I can. I want you to stay with me. So, Lance, please – will you marry me?”

“Keith –“ Lance drew in a shaky breath. “I’m going to kiss the hell out of you right now, and I want you to know you brought this upon yourself for not letting me brush my teeth first.” He crawled across the bed, pulling Keith toward him by the back of his neck. “Yes,” he whispered against Keith’s lips. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I’ll stay with you. We’ll be together forever and always, so put the damn ring on my finger right now so I can show it off!”

When Lance’s parents arrived several hours later, the house was not as clean as they had planned it to be.

After the congratulations and more happy tears, they insisted on taking Lance and Keith out to a celebratory dinner.

Throughout the meal, Lance was acutely aware of every time his left hand moved, watching as the gold band caught the light as he reached for a bread roll or gestured while telling a story.

Toward the end of dinner, Keith excused himself to the restroom, leaving Lance alone with his parents.

His mother leaned across the table, taking his hand in hers and squeezing. “We are so happy for you,” she murmured. “But I will admit, your father and I are a little surprised you weren’t the one to ask him.” She chuckled, releasing his hand and giving it a gentle pat before leaning back.

“If Lance had proposed, we would have heard about it on the local news.” His father chuckled at the indignant sound Lance made. “There would have been a flash mob and a live band, maybe skywriters –“

“And Keith would have hated that.” A grin stretched across Lance’s face, easy and fond. “He would have seen all that attention and just bolted.”

“He would have still said yes.” His mother’s eyes crinkled as she smiled.

“Yeah.” Lance snorted. “But he would have yelled it over his shoulder like Yes, I’ll marry you now leave me alone! while I chased him down with the ring, leaving everyone else involved in this big proposal plan just standing there awkwardly.”

“Definitely would have made the news.”

Lance rolled his eyes at his father before giving a small shrug. “But honestly? I wasn’t really thinking about it.” He looked up in time to catch the confusion on his parent’s faces. “Yeah, I know. It’s weird, right? But…I don’t know. I was already happy. We were already living together. I already had everything I wanted.”

“That’s what marriage is supposed to be, Lance.” There was no way to miss the secret look his parents gave one another.

“People think of marriage as a life goal.” His mother inclined her head toward her husband. “They think it’s supposed to change everything about a relationship, but if it’s right it should not change a thing. It’s a partnership, and that is something you and Keith shared long before this. We know you have both been through so much, but despite everything, you both were able to find so much love and comfort in one another.”

“What you have is what we wish for all our children,” his father added.

“The only thing that’s changed, now,” his mother cut in with a wink. “Is that now you have all of that plus a fancy ring to show off to everyone.”

“I wouldn’t call it fancy.”

Lance glanced up at Keith who had sauntered up and now stood at the end of the table. He flashed a grin at Lance before sliding back into his seat, nudging his fiancé with an elbow. “It’s not like I got you a diamond or anything.”

“Diamonds are overrated. This is simple, and it’s perfect, and I love it.” To emphasize his point, Lance held his hand out in front of them, splaying his fingers wide.

Keith caught his hand pulling it down between them and interlacing their fingers.

Later, the two of them lay in bed – Keith’s head resting on Lance’s chest and Lance’s arm wrapped around him, fingers absentmindedly stroking his bare shoulder.

“Do you really like the ring?” Keith’s question came as a bit of a surprise, because there was a tinge of uncertainty in his voice. “I know you said you did, but we were with your parents, and –“

“Keith, everything about this day has been perfect.” Lance’s hand stilled on his shoulder. “Including the ring. But I wouldn’t have needed it to still be this happy. You missed what my parents said to me while you were in the bathroom, but they were right.” He shifted slightly, pulling away so Keith could tilt his head up just enough for their eyes to meet. “Do you remember when you tried to run away after you first became leader?”

“Vaguely.”

“Well, I don’t remember it vaguely.” Then Lance conceded. “Okay, maybe most of it is a little vague, but what I do remember – and what I’ve literally never forgotten – is that you said I was important. Not for any particular reason; not to any cause. Just me, being important, and that was the first time in my life I felt like someone actually knew me – or knew what I could be.” His fingers traveled up to gently comb through the loose strands of hair by Keith’s ear. “We weren’t even really that close back then, but something changed that night.” He tilted his head, pressing his cheek against Keith’s forehead. “I started to love you that night, and it’s only gotten stronger every day since then.”

Keith made a soft noise, burying his face in Lance’s neck.

“You got to say your piece when you asked me to marry you.” Lance chuckled. “You gotta listen to mine, now.” He paused for a second, knowing Keith was still listening. “You’re my favorite person. You make me happy. That’s why I think I knew subconsciously, I needed you to stay that night. I knew if I let you go, I would be losing something really, really important. Even in the beginning, when we didn’t know each other, I was chasing after you. You were always better, always smarter, always so much farther ahead – but that night I felt like I finally caught up to you. I finally was able to reach out and grab your hand – and I’m never fucking letting go of it, Keith. So, yes. I love the ring. I want to show it off to everyone. I want to get married, like, tomorrow. But if you had never asked me, I still would have been happy. As long as you’re here, I’ll always be happy.”

Keith pressed against his side for a moment after Lance stopped talking. Then, abruptly, he pushed himself up and leaned over Lance’s face. “We’re got a problem.”

Taken aback, Lance started to sputter, but Keith cut him off.

“We need to elope or something. I forgot how fucking romantic you are, and I just realized that if we have a wedding, you’re going to make me cry in front of all our friends and your entire family. No, shut up –“ he rushed on, pressing a finger to Lance’s lips to try and stop the grin spreading there. “You’re gonna want us to write our own vows, and yours are going to be exactly like what you just said – all…all heartfelt and genuine!”

Lance pried Keith’s finger away, his grin turning slightly evil. “You do realize you basically just laid down a challenge, right?”

Keith reeled back, eyes wide and horrified.

Lance propped himself up on his arms, tilting his head, the grin still plastered across his face. “Babe, I’m gonna make you cry so hard –“

“If you make me cry, then I’ll cry all over whatever fancy suit you’re gonna wear and ruin it!”

“It’ll be worth it.”

Keith groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Lance only grinned wider, reaching forward to brush his knuckles up and down Keith’s arm. “Hey, don’t worry about it. You know why?”

Keith peaked out from between his fingers.

“I’m gonna take one look at you and start bawling. Like full on sobbing. You’re gonna have, like, two cinematic tears and I’ll be standing there with snot dripping from my nose.” He leaned back, batting a hand through the air. “I’ll be so much of an ugly mess, no one will even notice if you cry or not.”

Lance let out a yelp as Keith lunged forward, tackling him so they both fell back onto the bed.

“Don’t bait me. You know you’re not ugly.”

Lance could only grin up at his fiancé. He let his hands come to rest on Keith’s sides, fingers tugging at his shirt just enough to give a hint. “And you know just how beautiful and sexy I think you are. So why don’t you show me just now not ugly you think I am?” Without waiting for an answer, he tugged Keith down into a kiss.

After a moment, Keith broke away. His eyes found Lance’s in the dim light of the bedroom. “Hey,” he breathed, quiet and serene. “You’re the love of my life. You know that?”

The elation bubbling up in Lance’s chest was too much, and he could only laugh – the sound bordering on something caught between overjoyed and delirious. “That’s really convenient,” he murmured, eyes bright and shining, and utterly, completely happy. “Because you’re the love of my life, too.”

The End