Chapter Text
03:33 AM
User Nakajima Atsushi has created a groupchat ‘Untitled#803’
User Nakajima Atsushi has added Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Ranpo Edogawa and 9 others
User Nakajima Atsushi has renamed the groupchat to ‘wereballs rashocunt’
User Akutagawa Ryuunosuke is online
Akutagawa: Jinko what is the meaning of this. And why in the world wereballs and rashocunt
Atsushi: Bekuz we’re matching❤❤❤ sweetie *hearteyes*
Akutagawa: You’re crazy and ugly. But i won’t tattle.
Atsushi: if yuio tell them im giving you the worst backshots of urlyfe ever
Atsushi: nnways
Atusshi: sorry Ranpo-san!!
User Nakajima Atsushi has edited 3 system messages
User Nakajima Atsushi has deleted 6 messages and 2 system messages including this one
07:34 AM
6 users are now online
Chuuya: ranpo wtf
Ranpo: girl istg i did NAWT make this gc
Gin: HOE im already in liek 17 otehr groupchats and you add a majoriy of the classin here MY PHONES EXPLODING
Dazai: guuyys~~~ it may not be dearest Ranpo-san’s fault! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
Chuuya: shut yo an yo emoticon using ass
Dazai: ?? rude doggy, bad doggy im giving you up
Yosano: excuse me it is FUCKING 7 34 AM RIGHT FUCKING NOW. ON A SATURDAY TOO. And you make a groupchat at the cursed hour fucking 3 33 AM
Ranpo: CHART PLEZ I DIDTN IM BEUNG FRAMED RN I DIDNT DO ANYTHING IM NTO LAYGN
Gin: THE SYSTEM MESSAGES SAY OTHERWISE
Attachement sent :
03:33 AM
User Edogawa Ranpo has created a groupchat ‘#803’
User Edogawa Ranpo has added Nakajima Atsushi, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke and 9 others
User Edogawa Ranpo has renamed the groupchat to ‘wereballs rashocunt’
Ranpo: I DID NOT
Kunikida: Enough with the arguing!
Kunikida: Though you cannot lie your way out of this, Ranpo. The truth is obvious. You’ve obviously made another gosh damned groupchat.
Ranpo: GIRLS ISTG SOEMOENS FRAMIGN ME I DID NNTO MAKE TS
Gin: so like r we ignoring th fact that it sayd untitled #803 @ fierst why do you have 802 other groupchats
Yosano: rlly?? Scroll tf back up and lets see how the big ass system messages clearly makes a *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER
Gin: ig we r....!
Ranpo: DAZAIYOU KNOW TWAS NOT ME I WAS BEING A BIGGIE AND EATING ALL THE SNACKS IN MAIN AREA DORMS PLS SPASLSLAPS
Ranpo: ME AN DAZAI WERE WTACHING PAW PATROL AND EATING SNAVKS THIS SHIT IS LYING
Dazai: ho u were the only one being a bigback
Dazai: but nnwwyas me and ranpo were binge watching paw atrol at the witching hour
Chuuya: theyre lying i think
Dazai: YEAH CUZ YIOU WERE JERKIGN OFF IN THR BATHROOM WITH YO MIDGET CCOK U SLUG
Chuuya: FUCK YOU MACKEREL YOU SEARCH UP CHASE AND ROCKY MACRO MICRO FURRY VORE INFLATION FEEDERISM OMORASHI ON R34
Dazai: YOU DRAW MLP MUMMIFICATION TRANSFORMATION MACRO EXBIHITIONIDMD AEOROPLANE SCAT KINK AND HUMAN GAPING PROLAPSED ANAL FUCKRIGN
Chuuya: ???????? I DO NOT AND BESIDES MLP IS PEAK
Dazai: YEAH AT THE PEAK OF BRONY 4CHANSHIITSLOP AND PAW PATROL BETTER YOU GNOME
Kunikida: what the fuck.
Chuuya: MACKEREL YOURE A 4CHAN LARPER
Yosano: MLP IS BETTER DAZAI THEYER MOSTLY WOMEN AND BUTCH FUTCH MASC FEMMES
Chuuya: THANK YOU. Mlp is so peak PLEASE.
Ranpo: smh im just glad it not abt me aanymore
Gin: MLP AND PAW PATROL OVERRATED ROBOTS BETTER
Ranpo: THAT’S A MOVIE YOU SOD
Gin: BETTER THAN BIRTH CONTROL AND MY LITTLE PUSSY BITCH
Chuuya: ????/? FUCKDX YOU U CUTN
Gin: FUCKING FIGHT ME 3’5 BEING TWO YEARS OLDER THAN ME YOU KORPOKKUR
Two figures are seen lounging on the comfortable and plush bed that belongs to Atsushi’s room. They seem to be very comfortable, one with black hair holding onto the white haired one’s waist, head comfortably nestled on Atsushi’s broad chest. Sleep overtaking his very mind.
Meanwhile, Atsushi is holding his phone and giggling at their classmates or friends stupidly hilarious and baffling antics. Atsushi’s other hand is tangled in pitch black bedhead hair, ruffling it ever so often. Akutagawa only groans a little at the sensation, shuffling impossibly closer to Atsushi; enjoying his lover’s always warm body heat. It’s always been like this, like yin and yang. Atsushi is always so warm and Akutagawa’s always so cold, and keeping away from eachother longer than interest, Atsushi would be scorching hot like a BBQ in the middle of a desert and Akutagawa would be freezing cold like having an ice bath in the arctic.
“Pfft, Look Ryuu. They’re so convinced that Ranpo-san is the one who made the groupchat.” Atsushi’s voice is a little deeper and hoarse in the morning, and the most horrendous morning breath ever.
Akutagawa tries to look at the mentioned groupchat in Atsushi’s phone but the light is unfortunately too bright for his eyes that are always so sensitive to any sort of light. Not to mention he doesn’t have his glasses on right now. “They’re just fools jinko...” Akutagawa takes a moment to really look at the phone
“Besides.... how did you even change the system messages and delete them..??” Akutagawa’s voice is drowsy, much is obvious. And Atsushi just has the urge to pinch his cheeks and disgustingly enough, lick the dried drool off of the older’s pale chin.
“A magician never reveals his tricks, darling.” Atsushi sounds very smug, like a little leech managing to sneak his way into Akutagawa’s cold and locked heart. Akutagawa smiles a little at that, before immediately wiping that smile off his lips. Atsushi could’ve seen that and would give him a huge ego boost—which is something completely unneeded at the momet.
“Then... i guess i won’t tell you the answers to the Chinese homework.” Those words may have come out of his mouth, but deep down Akutagawa didn’t mean it at all, He’d give his jinko the answers all the time..—unless Atsushi was being a particularly bad boy that’s done bad naughty Rasho-rule-breaking things. If anything, the only thing Akutagawa’s giving to a naughty bad boy Atsushi is a firm reprimanding with no but’s.
“Whaaaat! Eh, besides that though- You wouldn’t! You love me too much!” Atsushi boasts, still scrolling through the newly made chaos filled groupchat. A mischevious smile stretched on his lips. Completely proud of his rare action of being the one who creates the chaos.
“ugh... whatever.. I don’t wanna go out today...” Akutagawa’s voice is muffled and slurred as he faceplants on Atsushi’s seemingly cloud-like too comfortable pillowy chest. One of his hands sneakily grabbin Atsushi’s left pec and even squeezing it.
“Ryuu, you haven’t gone out in 4 days already. Are you trying to become a shut-in?” Atsushi’s voice almost went unheard to Akutagawa’s ears, It just sounds like a sweet alluring lullaby that’s slowly starting to lull the pale boy to the comfortable clouds of sleep and dreams.
“ah-ah, nope. We’re going to shower today!” Atsushi suddenly starts peppering light gentle kisses all over Akutagawa, over any part of his lover’s body he can get to. Warm breath tickling Akutagawa’s cold and sensitive skin; eliciting an angry sounding whimper.
“ssuuushii...” Akutagawa starts, but Atsushi immediately shuts him up by pressing a finger to his cold pale lips. Showering Akutagawa’s nape in more gentle kisses, ghosting over Akutagawa’s earlobe teasingly. “sshh..”
Kunikida: ISTG SHUT UP ABOUT KICK THE BUDDY FEEDERISM DAZAI NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT DISGUSTING SHIT
Chuuya: LISTEN TO THE POOR GLASSES MAN
Dazai: WELL KICK THE BUDDY IS A MOBILE TORTURE GAME AMD FEEDERISM ISSOME SORT OF TORTUTRE TOO SO ITS PROBABLE THEERE WAS OFFSCREEN FEEDERISM AND INFLATING WHY ELSE WOULD THAT ANNOYING MASOCHISTIC GREMLIN BE SO FAT AND INFLATE D THERES FEEDERISM AND INFLATION I TELL YOU
Gin: Can we like STOP the deviantart fetish talk
Yosano: petiton to bsn daazai forevr say i
Chuuya: i,
Kunikida: i,
Gin: i,
Ranpo: nah
Yosano: i
Dazai: THISIS CYBERBULLYINH （；´д｀）ゞ
Chuuya: SHUT UP AND STOP WITH THE EMOTICONS KAOMOJI WHATEVR
Gin: dont we have a chinese homework due Monday 7 am sharp
Yosano: dont remind me
Kunikida: I have absolutely no clue on Chinese it randomly just got introduced as a new subject in the middle of the year and sometimes cost a ¾ of our end of the year grades
Dazai: no shit whyd they do that≡(▔﹏▔)≡
Ranpo: we should prostate against it
Kunikida: prostate....??
Ranpo: SSSSSSSSSSHUT UP ITS UM
Ranpo: RBOWGTE
Ranpo: PROSTATE
Ranpo: FAWK
Ranpo: PROPAGATE
Ranpo: PARTRIACHRYOSTAGE
Yosano: you can do it pookie i believe in you
Dazai: go go, go ranpo gooo o(*￣▽￣*)ブ
Ranpo: PRODSTITUSE
Ranpo: P.......
Ranpo: .....
Gin: . . . ?
Ranpo: PROTEST.
Ranpo: PROTEST agaisnt it.
Gin: nah its funny seeing yall die over chinese mandarin shiii
User Tanizaki Junichiro is now online
Tanizaki: how do you know chinese anyway
Gin: is your brain flipped on its side adn the hippocampus eaten by brain eating amoeba.
Kunikida: Actually, how DO you know Chinese so well, Gin??
Ranpo: istg
Ranpo: CUZ SHE IS CHINESE DUMBASSES
Tanizaki: oh
Kunikida: oh
Chuuya: she is???
Dazai: the akutagawa siblings are actually half chinese and half japanese and in childhood lived in china ...(*￣０￣)ノ
Yosano: ohh
Yosano: why the japenis names thoug if mostly chinese
Gin: our psrentds dindt know how to actually name us in chinese
Gin: it was so??? Idk???
Gin: i mean idk either how to name babies chinese names id probably coem up with Tai en Cheiur
((That’s an indonesian joke btw))
Dazai: can you do the homework for me (。・ω・。)
Gin: KYS
Dazai: damn fine ill ask ur brother instead
Gin: STOP why is he even a doormat to YOU of all ppl smh
Kunikida: no really why is he
Ranpo: i know!
Tanizaki: wven though i dont really likeyour asshole of a brother gin i think we’d like to hear that from Akutagawa himself
Chuuya: im so making aku refuse you
Dazai: youre just jealous aku simply loves me more than you~~ ˋ( ° ▽、° )
Tanizaki: gin can you please help
Gin: uh ig so ???
Yosano: Gin, fellow girl, may i please ask for your help?
Gin: YES MISS DOCTOR HOTTIE
Yosano: HELYAA
Kunikida: so those two will probably pass huh.
Kunikida: Gin, may i please ask for assistance too?
Gin: uh yeah but im just takin yall ok i already have tachi and higu bothering me all the time too
Dazai: how mean! (￣ ‘i ￣;)
Ranpo: n e ways 1 30 pm class swim tryouts
Yosano: ..... with the specific swimsuits the school gave???? The outdated sukumizu?? The ones in every anime???
Ranpo: yup, and unfortunately assigned by sex
Tanizaki: my transgender ass aint surviving this one
Gin: ME EITHER HOLY MOTHER OF SHITS
Dazai: imnot trans but FUCKK IM KILLINGMYSELF
Kunikida: Please do
Tanizaki: wait gin ur trans??
Gin: yuh
Tanizaki: stop wait ftm or mtf
Gin: mtf ig but also genderfluid?? Idk gender is confusing
Yosano: idk how 2 say ts but gin ur so gender
Ranpo: yeah
Tanizaki: agreed
Chuuya: if u notice both akutagawa siblings r so gender
Yosano: OMG Wait ur rightactually
Dazai: even im envious sometimes of how gender their gender is
Tanizaki: not to sound uh bad but um
Tanizaki: aku is more like the femnine version of the gender and gin is oddly more masculien
Gin: no its ok actually
Gin: ryuu is more like our mother an and im more like our father
Yosano: extreme gender envy towards both of you i wish i looked so gender when ppl r attracted to me it makes thhem gay one way or another
Gin: waiiiitt wheres ryuu actually havent seen him at all irl for 4 days now
Tanizaki: ur own brother
Dazai: Now Now, im sure she has a good reason
Gin: i mean i just text him abt homework notes and other shit n he say he sickbut i havent eeven seen him
Yosano: Huh. Must be pretty bad then.
Chuuya: Im pretty sure last time he said he got a disease an wolnt like being in the presence of others
Gin: then whos takign care of him???????
Ranpo: I know!
Kunikida:Of course you do Ranpo...
Dazai: Just let him be. I’m sure it’s nothing much.
Gin: .....alr.
Gin: but i rlly do hope he can make it to the class swim tryouts
Chuuya: he cant swim
Gin: i knowww besides we could push him into a cringe manga romance trope with the weretiger
Dazai: omg right i almost forgot abtt mission atsuaku (¬‿¬)
Kunikida: theyre in the chat.
Dazai: idgafffffffffffffff o(*￣▽￣*)o
Ranpo: cheeze sandwich damnit
Yosano: what now fattie
Ranpo: i lost the 100 usd poe gave me
Gin: i forgot this guy has a sugar daddy
Ranpo: he may be the sugar daddy but in the sheets
Gin: ew i dontneed to know your freak
Dazai: tell me pookie bookie beesnax pus wax []~(￣▽￣)~*
Ranpo: see ts is why i kiss dazai on the buttcheeks goodnight every night
Chuuya: ew??
Dazai: shut up doggy style whore
Chuuya:KYS IF SOMEOEN TRIES TO DO BONDAGE WITH YOU YOU’LL JUST HANG URSELF WITH THE BONDAGE ROPES
Dazai: i need to put my doggy down
Yosano: no stop who am i supposed to drinnk with thn
Dazai: me?? Duh????
Yosano: NO WAY U START TALKING ABOUT HOW LIFE IS JUST SOME PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT AND WHEN UR EXTREMELY DRUNK YOU START GLAZING AKUTAGAWA’S BUTTHOLE AND EMO ASS WRITINGS LIKE THE STARS AND MOONS CAME FROM THERE
Yosano: THAT SHIT IS SCARY WEN YOU USUALLY SPEAK OF HIM LIKE A RABID FERAL RABIES PATHETIC DOG
Dazai: FIRST OF ALL LIFE IS AN ACT OF ABSOLUTEKLY WORTHLESS PESSIMISM
Dazai: SECOND OF ALL I DO NOT GLAZE AKUTAGAWA I’D RATJER BE IMMORTALLLLLLLLLLL
Ranpo: *grabs metaphorical popcorn and starts munching*
Gin: damn.
Gin *steals metaphorical popcorn and starts licking all over it and drooling like a rabies fox*
Ranpo: GASP
Yosano: YEAH WELL LAST I REMEMBERED YOU KEPT ON SAY8NG HOW AKUTAGAWA’S WRITING IS GODLIKE AND SUPER RIGHT ON HOW BAD LIFE IS AND THAT THE PESSIMIST AND NIHILISTIC WAY OF LIFE IS THE COWARDLY RIGHTEOUS AND ABSURDINGLY RELATABLY WRONG WAY
Yosano: ITS LIKE THE OTHER WAY ROUND
Dazai: AAT LEAST I DONT LICK THE INBETWEEENS OF KOUYOU’S TOES EVERYNIGHT AND TRY TO COLLECT HER SWEAT FROM HER ARMPITS AND STERNUM AND THEN BEG TO BE ABLE TO FUHHER W A STRAP AND LIXK HER EYEBROWS EVERYTIMETHERES SWEAT
Yosano: I DO NOT
Chuuya: YOU WHAT AND WHAT AND WHAT WITH ANE-SAN???????????
Yosano: CHUUYA GIRLYPOP HES SPITTING LIES LIES I TELL YOU I MAY BE A PATHETIV GIRLFAILURE INLOVE WTH EVERY SEXY WOMANORMAN BUT I DONT DO THAT SHIT PLS PLS PLS PLS
Chuuya: IM BREAKING UP W U
Yosano: CHUUYA BBG NO PLS PLSPALSPLSPAS O NO NONOJO
Ranpo: *shanks you and farts in the popcorn whilst runnin away cutely*
Gin: F YOU *throws shit infested popcorn on ur greasy matted unshowered hair and kicks your weak ankles*
Ranpo *i dodge*
Chuuya: ITS TOO LATE TO APOLAGIWZE MISS SISTER FUVKER
Yosano: WIAT NO ILL ILL
Yosano: ILL GIVE YU ONE OF THE 1889 KEPT WINE MORI HAS
Chuuya: nvm lets get married now
Gin: *you cant dodge wtf*
Ranpo: *I dodge.*
Tanizaki: shii ts is chaos
Tanizaki: @wereballs
Tanizaki: since when did this mf change username
User wereballs is now online
Atsushi: hiii whta did i miss
Dazai: ATSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~~~~ MY FAVOERITE KOUHAI EVERRUHHHDH o(*^＠^*)o
Atsushi: hello dazai
Dazai: YOSANO IS BULLYING ME ATSUSSUHAIAS
Yosano: ill give you a checkup soon. You too Atsushi if you get him out of this.
Atsushi: No thankss! Goodluck dazai-san!!
Dazai: ATSUSHI YOU TRAITORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Tanizaki: you betrayeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddd meeeeeeeeee
Gin: zomg olivia rodrggo
Atsushi: also theres a class swim tryout today??
Ranpo: yyup. Decided by Fukuchi-sensei because apparently there’s a lack of students who can swim currently. The uniforms are determined by sex.
Atsushi: makes sense ig, none of the people here who fall under the trans umbrella has had any surgery
Gin: but i rlly do hope he can make it to the class swim tryouts
Atsushi: dwdw i’ll try being all competitive w/ him so the lawnmower finally gets out for once
Gin: thx
Atsushi: and no way i like that lawnmoweer, he’s just so annoying and UGLY and rude
User rashocunt is now online
Tanizaki: now since when did akutagawa change username
Akutagawa: JUST so you know, Jinko. I won’t ever like you, in fact, when dead pigs fly. You’re much uglier and way more offendingly stupid. It’s like if a cabbage patch snacktime doll was reincarnated alongside an amorphus globosus.
Yosano: idek half of what ts mf just spewed out
Atsushi: geez, I’d much rather eat my dead grandmother’s toenail first than that.
Gin: zogm ryuu
Gin: GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
Akutagawa: hibernating
Gin: or pregnant
Akutagawa: NOT A SLUT LIKE YOU BTW**
Gin: HOE FUCK YOU
Tanizaki: see i wish me and Naomi were morelike this
Kunikida: i too wish that
Chuuya: MMMMMMYYYYY BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Akutagawa: Hello Chuuya-san.
Atsushi: Akutagawa im going to beat you at class swim tryouts 1 30 pm
Akutagawa: Apostrophe.
Akutagawa: Besides, You will not win.
Akutagawa: I’m going to beat you.
Dazai: Kinkyyy (～￣▽￣)～
Akutagawa: Dazai-san! It isn’t like that!
Yosano: never knew Akutagawa could be like that smh...
Ranpo: i knew!!
Kunikida: shut
Tanizaki: what if akutagawa was freaky and was called freakygawa and nothing changed
Dazai: i like the way ya think sonny boy.q(≧▽≦q)
Gin: wouldnt that mean id be freaky too
Chuuya: You already are.
Atsushi: anyways there’s also that wholeliterature short story homework presentation too and its competitive
Chuuya: and i’d bet you either tanizaki or akutagawa will win this somehow. Even though with different topics and such and akutagawa tends to write more of moral ambiguity and unreliable narrators human egoism and darker and somehow deemed best at short stories
Chuuya: while tanizaki is more of long plotted stories that involve sexuality lush sensual and diving into more aesthetic parts of the identity
Chuuya: maybe dazai would be there too, but most of us are good at long plots and this is specifically short stories so higher probability akutagawa will win.
Yosano: damn
Tanizaki: im. Glad you thik so highly of me chuuya-san.
Akutagawa: ...
Akutagawa: My sincerest thanks Chuuya-san, You give me such praise though i think i do not deserve the pity.
Dazai: aww doggy praising the owner!!! Good doggo!!!! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ
Chuuya: SHUT. THIS IS WHY IM NEVER COMPLIMENTING YOU EVER AGUAJN
Atsushi: I think so too, chuuya-san! Both Akutagawa and Tanizaki are such great writers even though Akutagawa is such a lawnmower
Gin: so to dumb it down,,,
Gin: Ryuu>Tanizaki>dazai>>>everyone else
Kunikida:i guess
Gin: i MEAN as long as my brother writes whar he wants and if he wins ill be suupportive!!!
Akutagawa:
Akutagawa: Thank you, Gin.
Dazai: okaayy~~ that’s enough guys! Im starvin for breakfast!!
Akutagawa: right.
Atsushi: remember that promise lawnmower!
Akutagawa: ahut up jinko
Tanizaki: geez... lovers are such madmen,
Tanizaki: oh well.
9 users are now offline.