Work Text:
Shen Qingqiu should have long gotten used to fate constantly finding some new shit for him to step in. As if the heavens were amusing themselves playing with a mortal bug: would it survive this? Oh, it didn’t die. And if we tried that?
So Shen Qingqiu fancied himself an experienced, well-educated person. Barely anything could faze him – and that made the moments when Shen Qingqiu realised he was done for so much worse. The moments when Shen Qingqiu found out he’d never experienced something like this before and didn’t know what to do about it.
“Emerald dreams” weren’t an unknown, Shen Qingqiu had heard of them and even taken a whiff: sometimes there were incense burners left from the previous guests in the rooms where Shen Qingqiu spent his nights. Were the dosage slightly smaller, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t even sneeze – but the Baizhan barbarian managed to shove at least a whole clutch in the fire.
A fat fucking chance.
Shen Qingqiu had no idea what to expect now. He was most likely bound to attack the Baizhan bastard with a weapon again, to get beaten and pressed to the ground again, and then… then it would no longer depend on him. For instance, if the barbarian had long wanted to kill Shen Qingqiu, and the smoke would force him to forget that murdering a fellow disciple would earn him more than a mere tongue-lashing…
Shen Qingqiu’s heart skipped a beat. He covered his eyes and tried to meditate.
He hated being afraid. Hated his own weakness, hated the knowledge that he was in danger, always in danger, that he wouldn’t be able to deal with the Baizhan bastard no matter how hard he tried, that some things were out of Shen Qingqiu’s hands… Enough of that. He’d had more than his fair share. He wasn’t stupid enough to rely on someone’s goodwill.
It took Shen Qingqiu quite a while to realise his attempt to meditate only made things worse. He started taking deep breaths out of habit, and he inhaled another whiff of the “Emerald dreams”. He sent qi to his upper dantian – and his thoughts, ignited by the poison, started to unravel.
The Baizhan bastard, the beast, the brute, was sitting with his eyes closed, as if to show “I’m not afraid of you, you can’t hurt me even if you wanted to”. The arrogant moron, the presumptious degenerate, if only he’d thrown one look at Shen Qingqiu! Shen Qingqiu, who desperately wanted to attack, to make Liu Qingge fall on his back, to defeat him, to press him to the ground and immobilise, so that Liu Qingge looked only at him, without averting his gaze, respected him, thought of him as an equal, didn’t look at anyone else… and there was no one else around, Shen Qingqiu could easily get what he wanted…
He only got distracted for a moment and got back to his senses leaning over Liu Qingge, who was lying on the ground, licking sweat off his neck, and it seemed that Shen Qingqiu had never tasted anything so delicious in his life. He wanted to continue. He wanted to fuck Liu Qingge like this, without preparation, to make him scream and move towards Shen Qingqiu, to render him unable to close his legs in the morning, to make the joining of their bodies resemble an animal coupling rather than love games. Or no, he’d rather spread Liu Qingge open on a soft bed, make him forget himself with carresses, make him beg for more, and then fuck him for a long time, driving him to the peak again and again. He wanted… everything. He wanted to continue kissing – or to get to the main dish, because he had no more patience. He wanted to take it into his mouth – and to see Liu Qingge’s lips stretched around Shen Qingqiu’s cock. He wanted to fuck – and to be fucked. He wanted Liu Qingge to scream – or to confess his love, to beg, to say how he’d always wanted that, how he’d always watched Shen Qingqiu and Shen Qingqiu alone, from the first time they’d met, from the first time they’d looked at each other…
Liu Qingge rolled over, getting Shen Qingqiu underneath him, and that cleared Shen Qingqiu’s head. Damn it, where’d that come from?! Up until this day Shen Qingqiu had never thought of the Baizhan bastard! Yes, he’d noticed the bastard’s beauty, but only a blind person wouldn’t. Yes, he’d gathered rumours of the bastard’s non-existent private life – but only out of desire to find a weak spot, to land a hit. Yes, he’d attracted the bastard’s attention, he’d started fights when Liu Qingge pretended not to see him, but Shen Qingqiu just… he just…
He just wanted his attention.
Shen Qingqiu cursed the poison once more. He couldn’t even lie to himself now.
He’d wanted that for a long time. Not with the girls from pleasure houses, not with Xianshu maidens – with Liu Qingge, fuck him and all his family! Or not – Shen Qingqiu only wanted Liu Qingge and him alone, wanted to claim him…
The sudden realisation made every muscle in Shen Qingqiu’s body spasm. What a moron, why did he desire Liu Qingge of all people?! He’d even had the gall to mock the Baizhan barbarians’ lack of brains… Yet Shen Qingqiu clearly had no brain at all, if he’d chosen the most untouchable person on the twelve peaks.
Right now Liu Qingge didn’t look untouchable. Right now his cheeks were rosy with blush, his hair falling on his shoulders like dark rivulets – when had Shen Qingqiu removed his hair crown? – the kissed lips seemed dark in the light of the fire, as if Liu Qingge had painted them or ate too much honeysuckle, and his eyes were shining feverishly. Shen Qingqiu both cursed and thanked the heavens for sending them the “Emerald dreams” tonight. That was a view to die for.
Shen Qingqiu would never be able to get the view out of his head.
But Liu Qingge might. No wonder he froze, as if realising what he’d been doing. Who knew, what if he didn’t even want Shen Qingqiu, but a simple joining of bodies with anyone, no matter whom, and Shen Qingqiu was just conveniently there? Another infatuated moron, a face in the crowd always following Liu Qingge around, a nameless warm body that Liu Qingge would forget in the morning, or even start avoiding in disgust…
Shen Qingqiu started shaking again. And Liu Qingge, damn him, finally noticed his hesitation – of course, even the Baizhan barbarian realised something was amiss while Shen Qingqiu was lying here lost in thoughts!
“What do you want?”
Liu Qingge’s voice turned unexpectedly hoarse, and it would make Shen Qingqiu’s fantasies go wild were he not so scared by his words. It was one thing to think of something under the influence of the toxin. Thoughts were nothing, perhaps later Shen Qingqiu would even be able to pretend nothing had happened, he’d just lost his mind after inhaling the poison, and gotten his head full of rubbish. But Liu Qingge… Liu Qingge seemed to know what was going on in Shen Qingqiu’s brain. Or perhaps he really knew: sometimes Liu Qingge turned horribly perceptive, could find a weak spot at a glance and hit the target. Good thing it usually didn’t last; bad thing it happened at all.
“I want you to die,” Shen Qingqiu whispered powerlessly, not even knowing what he was saying. The old habit to promise at every opportunity that he’d kill Liu Qingge one day… Actually Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t, of course. Actually he didn’t want Liu Qingge dead. He wanted something else.
His fear and arousal intertwined. Shen Qingqiu pressed another kiss to Liu Qingge’s lips, eager to learn the taste, and then struck. For everything. For the incredible, impossible beauty, for all the lost fights, for the rich family, for the constant arrogance, for the fact that Liu Qingge would be able to forget everything in the morning – and Shen Qingqiu would be left with nothing but memories.
Liu Qingge, damn him, won again. Obviously… He pressed Shen Qingqiu to the ground, immobilising him, and Shen Qingqiu was scared by his body’s response. Now he was willing to let Liu Qingge do anything. Willing to spread his legs, to turn soft and pliant, to do whatever Liu Qingge wanted, to give all power away…
What had Liu Qingge said about the toxin? “Shit”? Right now Shen Qingqiu would say worse. Normally a thought to be at someone’s mercy wouldn’t come into his head, – and Shen Qingqiu definitely wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.
And Liu Qingge, the moron, thought Shen Qingqiu wanted to kill him.
Shen Qingqiu would laugh – in relief from Liu Qingge not understanding anything, in bitterness from Liu Qingge not realising the truth. Taking the constant threats at face value. He saw Shen Qingqiu’s state, why would he ask something so stupid? Why would he force Shen Qingqiu to be honest?
Shen Qingqiu even seemed to have replied something. He wasn’t sure what exactly. The toxin’s effect was still potent, a bit more – and Shen Qingqiu would, gods forbid, start to confess his undying love and recite poetry in the light of the fire… oh, he’d embarrass himself so badly…
Shen Qingqiu wished he knew what was going on in Liu Qingge’s head now. Why he stuck his neck out so readily, why he answered the kisses, why he allowed to bite him… Shen Qingqiu took advantage of the permission. He bit the skin as hard as he could, to leave a mark, to make it hurt for a long time, to make sure Liu Qingge couldn’t forget the wound no matter how hard he tried. To make him rage at Shen Qingqiu, curse him…
Remember him. Think of him.
Liu Qingge, the plague of Shen Qingqiu’s existence, turned out to know some words that a young master from a decent family had no business knowing. For a moment Shen Qingqiu wondered who could have taught him – and what else Liu Qingge could have learnt from the unknown well-wishers.
Then Shen Qingqiu gladly imagined killing those teachers – painfully, to make it last, to make them think of death as the greatest mercy.
And that scared Shen Qingqiu more than all the previous discoveries of this evening combined.
Because it was one thing to want to fuck someone. But to want to kill someone, for real, not as an empty threat, while his mind was clouded with poison… No, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t some pure soul, he remembered full well how much blood he had on his hands, a rich spoilt boy like Liu Qingge would pull away in horror and disgust if he knew whom he was touching. But like that… out of empty jealousy…
The poison must have completely confused him. Shen Qingqiu no longer knew what to expect from himself, no longer knew what he’d do the next moment. What if he got the idea to kill Liu Qingge to avoid him falling for someone else? Or to cripple him in order to leave a lasting impression?
No. Let Liu Qingge… do whatever he wanted. If he just needed a warm body nearby… who cared. Shen Qingqiu could handle pain. Let it be… now he trusted Liu Qingge more than he trusted himself.
He was unable to articulate that. But he managed to convey the gist of it.
He didn’t think Liu Qingge would actually agree. He thought Liu Qingge would pull away with a grimace, perhaps spit out something poisonous. But Liu Qingge – Liu Qingge leaned over Shen Qingqiu’s hips, took Shen Qingqiu’s cock in his mouth as much as he could, moved greedily and quickly, even seemed to be moaning, and that resonated in Shen Qingqiu’s body. Even someone more experienced wouldn’t be able to hold back after that. And Shen Qingqiu didn’t have any experience at all…
Until today. He’d visited all the local brothels, only for his first time to happen demons knew where, demons knew how, under the influence of a toxin – but with Liu Qingge, the walking wet dream of all twelve peaks, Shen Qingqiu included. His life hadn’t been in vain.
Shen Qingqiu suppressed a bout of completely inappropriate laughter. Then he was no longer amused – when Liu Qingge licked Shen Qingqiu’s seed off his fingers. For a sight like that… Shen Qingqiu would probably kill for it. Without trying to barter.
His fear, which had quietened down somewhat, came back again.
Liu Qingge – damn him, Shen Qingqiu didn’t know whether to curse the moron or to thank him for distracting Shen Qingqiu from his nasty thoughts – for some reason asked whether Shen Qingqiu really wanted him. As if it wasn’t obvious. Or did he need a confirmation of his prowess? Did he want Shen Qingqiu to praise him, to tell him how enjoyable it was? To make himself vulnerable, to show how much he cared?
Not a chance. No way in hell.
Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to completely refuse the coupling, of course. And he made it clear – Liu Qingge needed some time to catch the hint, which was to be expected. But Shen Qingqiu phrased it ambiguously enough to give himself a chance to deny the depth and power of his desire later. At least he had enough presence of mind for that… or was the toxin’s effect weakening?
Would be nice. But Shen Qingqiu couldn’t take the risk.
He turned away and went on all fours to hide his face. A stupid hope, but perhaps this way Liu Qingge wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t notice, would misconstrue… would think of something else. No matter. Anything to keep the truth from him. Now Shen Qingqiu was willing to give away the power, but only because otherwise he could do something he’d regret his whole life. But later, when the toxin would no longer be in effect… Liu Qingge had no business knowing how much power he actually held over Shen Qingqiu.
As if having read his thoughs, Liu Qingge paused. Had he changed his mind? Was he reluctant to touch the Qingjing viper after all? Or did he want Shen Qingqiu to beg? The worst thing was that Shen Qingqiu was close to it. Only an effort of will helped him pull himself together, knowing that if he let go – Liu Qingge would be the one lying with his legs spread, screaming not in pleasure, but in pain, because Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t be strong enough to hold back, to avoid devouring his prey the way he’d always wanted.
And then – after this night – Liu Qingge wouldn’t forgive him. Nor would Shen Qingqiu forgive himself.
That’s why Shen Qingqiu told the moron to hurry. As if tormenting him, Liu Qingge asked again – and Shen Qingqiu snapped at him. Revealed more than he’d planned – he just had to hope that Liu Qingge’s mind was also in disarray, that he wouldn’t remember nor understand the importance of Shen Qingqiu’s words.
Luckily, having obtained the confirmation, Liu Qingge finally got down to business. He even had the patience for some preparation. Shen Qingqiu would admire the self-restraint if he could – or he’d get mad, suspecting that Liu Qingge wasn’t so eager to begin with.
But now Shen Qingqiu didn’t have the presence of mind for that.
Liu Qingge was everywhere – around him, inside of him, holding him, stretching him. Liu Qingge was going torturously slowly, as if not seeing Shen Qingqiu wasn’t afraid of pain… as if reluctant to hurt Shen Qingqiu.
Funny how both of them always quarrelled, at each other’s throats, but when it came to this point, both of them turned cautious. Where had this caution been before?..
When Liu Qingge obeyed the angry words and finally opted to forego the caution, Shen Qingqiu was even grateful. The sensations of flesh made him forget all thoughts: Shen Qingqiu had never been fucked before, and now he didn’t know what to feel. There were pain, heat, desire, he wanted Liu Qingge to freeze like that, wanted for their bodies to remain intertwined forever, wanted Liu Qingge to do something, anything at all, because Shen Qingqiu felt that it could be better. Pain could turn to pleasure, the hands on his hips could be warm and caring instead of scalding, he just needed to… what?
Apparently he needed for Liu Qingge to start moving. To grab Shen Qingqiu, to make him straighten his back, to manhandle him like a pliant doll – and it strangely ignited Shen Qingqiu’s desire. He hated feeling weak, but now Liu Qingge seemed a support rather than a threat. An anchor. The sweet, pleasant feeling of someone having your back, someone to rely on, to trust. The feeling Shen Qingqiu had long forgotten.
Shen Qingqiu had never felt so incredibly, mind-numbingly good. He had no more thoughts left in his head, just sensations of flesh, and he allowed himself to relax, as if swaying on waves, letting them raise him higher and higher… Good thing he was smart enough to snap at Liu Qingge and tell him to pull out before the peak: they had nowhere to bathe, and the attempts to clean the seed out of himself would kill the remainder of a surprisingly good evening.
Liu Qingge was still trying to either carress Shen Qingqiu or make him look presentable – what a moron, they could’ve just cuddled instead, Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t even kill him for it later. Shen Qingqiu wanted to curl up and fall asleep encircled by Liu Qingge’s hands, his back pressed to Liu Qingge’s chest… but the toxin was weathering away, and Shen Qingqiu would allow nothing of the sort while sober. Liu Qingge had no business knowing…
Let him think it was an accident. Let him think Shen Qingqiu, leecher extraordinaire, just took advantage of the situation. And then, heavens willing, Shen Qingqiu would convince himself that it was true.
So Shen Qingqiu snapped at Liu Qingge, jerked away from the hot calloused palm. Swore at him. Tried to shove him aside – but Liu Qingge, damn him, must have remembered and understood something. Shen Qingqiu had no other explanation for why the moron stuck his throat out so trustingly. Had he guessed that Shen Qingqiu’s threats had been nothing but empty words and decided to prove it to himself and others? Or did he secretly wish to die, with the toxin pulling those wishes to the surface of his mind?
Well, he could abandon those dreams. As if Shen Qingqiu would ever let Liu Qingge go – to death or to someone else, no matter.
If Liu Qingge didn’t want to pretend nothing had happened, let him bear the consequences. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t the sort of person to throw away the chance. Especially since his chance fell into his hands – loose-haired, half-naked, warm and pliant.
How could he refuse such an incredible, unbelievable luck?