Chapter Text
He didn't originally have anyone there for him.
Maybe many years prior- but at that age he didn't have much of a mind to remember.
The younger you are the more you take things for granted- whether you know it or not- and therefore don’t remember as much because you believe it's always going to happen or always going to be there.
Though, that could’ve just been him whose younger self saw things that way.
But that holds no importance, it's already passed and what's done is done.
He doesn't have the ability to remember what he doesn’t remember.
He’s been fine before wondering about it, he can be fine currently wondering about it and be fine later when he continues wondering about it.
His family was of the highest of nobility- they are those of the crown after all.
His father, Philza, is the emperor of the Antarctic.
His brothers, twins, are Wilbur and Technoblade.
They are the two crown princes; both being in line more for the sake of politics as there is no rush in taking Philzas place.
Each of his family members has been claimed by a deity, and while many others can share the same deity, they managed to get separate ones.
Most deities put their claim on their chosen between the ages of twelve to sixteen. Why that specific age range? That he and many others are unsure of.
Some claims, and blessings for those who aren't specifically ‘sworn’ to a deity, come with special abilities. They usually are self-beneficial or pee-beneficial.
There are a few exceptions that can sway depending on how they get perceived.
Each varies on who is providing.
Phil, also dubbed Angel of Death by those outside their lands, got claimed by the Deity of Death. Her claim on him manifested by a large pair of black wings on his back.
She also granted him the choice of immortality, but for the time being it hasn't been accepted- however, he does have better regeneration and is immune to illness.
Death is one of the ‘Big Three’, mainly due to their popularity and what they have to offer, and how they contribute to their world. Death isn't just her main title, she also covers the afterlife and rumored rebirth.
Some also say that she had the power to give her chosen the ability of decay. While regeneration doesn't necessarily fall into her domain, like many others, she stretches out what she can and hides it under rebirth.
Wilbur, his oldest brother, and lead strategist was claimed by the Deity of Mind. While not much physically was noticed to be changed, besides a few eyebags of lost sleep, internally he did. Wilbur had always been smart, when his claim came it was no shock that Deity of Mind got to him first.
Afterward, Wilbur had been quicker to come up with resolutions, first, it was small disputes between the three of them, then Phil took notice and moved him up. By eighteen he began settling legal affairs and planning for any wars that occurred. Of course, with having such active thoughts all the time, Wil does have slight insomnia. Thankfully they have someone of HD to help.
Deity of Mind, while not part of the big three, has a large following. Their following is a mix of those for protection of their mind and some who hope to corrupt the minds of others. Very few follow them for the more strategic and mentally empowering benefits they can provide.
Though once it's past the big three, there aren’t official rankings, HD tends to be seen as lesser than the others. However, that doesn't mean those who are gifted with their abilities are weak- in his opinion, they're quite overpowered.
While HD’s main basis is anything and everything to do with sleep, a range of them sleeping for longer times to forcing others to sleep and more, they also have a more creative mind due to always being in their dreamscape. If they get lucky- like George, head of health with Ponk- they can connect to others’ minds via their dreams. He thinks that's overpowered, if it isn't what is?
Technoblade, second oldest and head general of battle was sworn to Blood God. Techno had quickly mastered basic fighting moves and stances at eight years of age, it was no shock if the Blood God or PVP chose to look over him.
Blood God is similar to Deity of Mind with their following. From what he’s been told that while Blood God doesn’t offer mental protection he does help physically and in a sense spiritually, so to speak. Blood Gods’ blessing can come in many forms, the most known are higher strength and endurance.
However, they also are able to tell the difference between loyalty and disloyalty, allowing them to know who truly cares. Most also tend to have better regenerative abilities. In matching with the name of ‘Blood God’, a select few have the ability to manipulate blood- though there are some drawbacks based on what Technoblade has told him.
The twins were direct descendants of Phil and Death when she lived on the mortal plane, so even if they were not claimed by the allotted ages then she would have gotten them.
So unlike his family with direct relations, who were safe with that aspect, he isn’t.
He doesn’t have a safety net to fall upon.
He doesn’t have any blood family left for him that he could’ve asked for help.
Could he truthfully call Phil, Wil, and Tech his family?
They always say he is family, but is he really?
Tommy has no genetic relations to them, the one relation that matters in the end.
He didn't even know any of them until he was eleven, and that was only by pure accident.
Regardless, the past has passed, and the present is happening.
And the present, despite being much better, is much worse.
Tommys' birthday, his sixteenth birthday, was happening soon and no deities had come to him.
Which is fine! Some people don't get claimed and have blessings from deities.
Like his best friend Tubbo!
He’s not claimed but has a blessing from Ehx X (aka XX); not to be confused with Exdee (XD).
Tubbo’s got a really good thumb, like, it's really good. If he one day decided to walk up to him and say “Haha I lied Tommy! I actually am claimed by Ehx X!”, he would believe him: that still hasn't happened.
But even though Tubbo was really cool, Tommy didn't even have a blessing from anyone. He was pretty good at sparring, though that was because of all the practice he’s had in and out of staying with the royals- his family(?).
They always remind him that he is part of the family, even though he wasn't born into it.
They always remind him he will stay part of the family nevertheless should he not get the attention of the deities.
Wilbur brings up how when he found out he could mess with people's minds- via accidentally scaring Tommy with a sleep of nightmares to where they had to get a blessed of HD to help him sleep months after- that while it was neat, it wasn't all it was made to be. How sometimes he gets scared of what he can do.
Technoblade tells Tommy how it's ‘impressive’ how much he's been able to accomplish without a guiding hand.
Sometimes Technoblade throws in how he’s better than him when he was that age. Tommy knows it's a lie.
Phil likes to remind Tommy how he can focus anywhere and on anything he wants. That he doesn't have to settle in one specialty and he can follow any deities and not thank one special one.
Tommy knows Phil thinks he only follows Death because she tells him what he tells her via prayer, and he prays to her every night. He does, however, limit what he tells her due to that.
He knows that he can’t ‘safely’ pray to most of the deities, many of their blessed work there; he can't trust them to not snitch.
Even those that are as high as they love to gossip.
The only one he can safely pray to is Prime.
She's the most well-known one, despite only having a few appointed specifically to them, she does give her blessings, leading to many praying to her. Whether because they truthfully follow them or because they want her blessings, Tommy’s not fully sure.
Because of all the people that speak to her, he knows she won't hear him: also the fact that none of their followers work within the palace brings comfort.
Alas, even with all the reconfirmation that he does belong to the royal family- his family- it doesn't bring him solstice.
While that helps with the temporary uncertainty, but nothing permanent. Tommy’s well aware of not assigning your worth to something that isn't yourself, but, in a sense, it has a correspondence with himself.
Especially with his birthday right around the corner? The date that solidifies and will finally show his worthlessness? Nothing helps.
-
Tubbo decided to bring him to the garden yard.
They both enjoy making flower crowns for one another. While most people who were not of noble status wouldn't be allowed in the palace, Tommy made it very clear he wouldn't be there if Tubbo couldn't come in. In the end, it didn't take too much convincing for Phil and his brothers to agree.
“Do you think I will get one when the time comes?”
Tommy lays on the grassy floor, and a flower crown that Tubbo made for him rests on the nice white shirt Techno gave him the previous year.
He has his hand rested over his eyes to cover the rays of sun that peeked through the oak tree's canopy. Tommy hears Tubbo hum, thinking of a response most likely.
“I’m not going to say yes because there ‘is a chance you won't. But, I don’t see how you couldn't get one.” The grass next to him crinkles, auditorily providing evidence of Tubbo also laying down.
“You don’t need one of them to be accepted Tommy, you don't need anyone but yourself to be complete. Me and your other family remind you of this a lot. Not that we don't like to, I know why it's hard to believe- but you know, have some more belief in our words than those negative whispers going on.”
Tommy sighs, moving his other arm to brush through his hair, a habit he picked up from Wilbur.
“I know, but- but what if they’re lying? Not the whispers, but Phil, Wil, and Tech? It's hard to believe that they still will when no one claims me or blesses me. It's easier for them to say they will and then to not afterward than to say they won't upfront. They can promise they will, but many things get broken or are fake. Promises are no different. Plus they’re cool in their own rights, and, I’m not.”
Moving his hand to rest atop his eyes instead of hovering, Tommy waits for Tubbo to respond.
A few minutes pass by, he thinks- when Tubbo asks him a dumb question.
“Do you trust me?”
Tommy scoffs in disbelief but still responds, letting him know how dumb the question was.
“Of course I do Tubso, to the ends of the earth. That's a fucking dumb question to ask me.”
Again, Tubbo asks another ‘dumb’ question.
“Would I lie to you?”
Tommy decides to sit up to look at him.
“Sometimes you do, like when you said that Niki made cookies in the library but really that was just to get me there so the teacher could get me to do my work. Or when you said that one kid didn’t beat you up only for me to catch him in the act.”
Tubbo too sits up, facing Tommy with a more serious look on his face.
“Not like that, on stuff that matters, like serious things.”
“Oh, then no. Never have and I’m hoping you never will,”, Tommy corrects, his eyebrow raised in confusion.
In turn, Tubbo crosses his arms, “Then why would I lie about this? Not your family, don't try to think of excuses about why they would lie. Me, why would I lie to you about this? Especially when I can see it's something you're so unsure about?”
Tommy opens his mouth to rebuttal, but nothing comes to mind, so he settles for deflection.
“I know you would never lie to me Tubbo, not really, but it's just. Ugh, it's just- like before! Before I didn't even care, I didn't have to care, and then one bump in and a crown later I kind of have to care. It's just- It's just so stupid. This whole thing is fucking stupid.” Tommy’s head ended up in his hands during his frustration so he goes to look back up to Tubbo, who, in turn, smiles sympathetically.
“Just have hope Tommy, have faith.”
A smile that didn't reach his eyes was all he could reply with.
-
The weeks that were leading up to his birthday were painfully mundane.
He still woke up, still had class with the teachers, and at lunch he would sneak off to see Tubbo. After lunch, he’d continued learning.
When that ended he would go with Wilbur to try and learn about whatever he had going on, keywords try and whatever, Tommy had no genuine idea. Why would he? He had forever until he had to be on the throne and he was only eleven, there was only so much he could fully comprehend.
Once he was done acting like he understood Wilburs’ blabbering, he would spar with Techno for a bit. Unless he was too busy, then it would be Puffy or Sapnap. Puffy, the bestest woman- tied with Nik,- was also with Blood God, and Sapnap was with PVP. Both were some of the strongest fighters Tommy knew, behind Phil, Tech, and himself- of course
The day would be wrapped up with him going back into the nearby town and taking Tubbo back to the palace to hang out. Sometimes Tubbo would stay over, and sometimes Tommy would help bring him back to his house. Tommy liked those days, he got to see Niki and she would give him a pastry she made that day.
If he was lucky enough and got there early he could help her make some.
Whatever did happen the result was still the same. Walking back home alone, changing his clothes for dinner, and then changing again for sleep. Before he slept, he would send a quick prayer to Death and then a longer one to Prime.
When the middle of the came again, now just a week before his birthday, Tommy went downstairs one night thirsty.
Quietly, Tommy went downstairs to the kitchen when he began to overhear a conversation that was happening between his brothers and father.
“He needs someone who can…”, the rest was incomprehensible from his distance and their tone. A tired sigh followed whatever the end of their statement was, must be Phil.
“...if he doesn't you can…I'm sure death would be understanding because…”
The voice was stressed and slightly bitchy, clearly Wilbur.
“Wil, we can't just expect him to…” A deeper voice confirmed it was Wil, and then the finale must have been Tech.
Tommy stood there for a moment, trying to process what was happening. While he loves some good gossip that he can later share with Tubbo, he doesn’t like it when he’s pretty sure the gossip’s about him.
“Boys, settle down. Tommy has a while… death doesn't have to be asked until…”
His name-dropping was the nail in his coffin. While he was going to cut into their conversation dramatically, now that he knows it's about him Tommy decided to figure out what it meant- tuning them out completely.
They were talking about how he doesn't have much time and how he needs someone and, if not, death.
The only event happening is his birthday, where he needs someone- some deity to just accept him. If they dont… If they don't then he’ll die?-
He would die.
Thomas ‘Tommy’ Craft would die on his sixteenth birthday.
Tommy runs to his bedroom with that running in his mind and sleeps with resignation. If he’s going to die because he was a burden, because he couldn't- wasn't able to- get a single deity to notice him, then why should his family deal with the burden of him?
Why should they deal with the burden of mourning him when his death inevitably comes? If he can cause one less problem for them, one less issue they have to deal with, then he will.
If he had to break off from everyone to make them not to be sad when he’s no longer there, no matter how much it may hurt, then he will.
His pillow had to be flipped before he fully drifted off, it was too damp to comfortably rest on.