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No.
He couldn’t eat. It’s not that he wouldn’t. Or that he was a picky eater. He just couldn’t. Looking at it made his throat close up. They were expecting him to eat. His family was expecting him to eat.
Just eat.
He picked up his fork and stuck it in the pasta. Allison took the time to make dinner for them. He was certain it was good. Allison was an exceptional cook. The food looked delicious. But it seemed to be looking at him.
Stop it. Stop being selfish. Be grateful.
He twirled the fork slowly. Equally as slow he took a bite. It was good.
Good. Good.
He slowly took two more bites. Full.
You can’t be full. There’s still plenty.
Five was no stranger to eating little in the apocalypse. But this wasn’t the apocalypse. This was a family dinner. A dinner in which his sister took her time to make. Rejecting it would make it seem like he was ungrateful. He wasn’t, really. Quite the opposite.
How long has it been since I’ve eaten an actual meal, Five wondered.
But he knew the answer. The day he disappeared. They day he stupidly ran away and put his siblings in danger. Forty-five years ago.
He had to eat more. But the more he looked at it the more it bore holes into him. The more it felt like he was going to throw up what little he just ate.
“Hey, Fivey, you okay?” A voice interrupted his thoughts.
Five slightly looked up at Klaus, who was looking at him with pity. Don’t patronize me, Five wanted to snap. But he bit his tongue.
“Yeah, you barely touched your food,” Allison said, wearing the same expression Klaus had.
Stop it.
Five shrugged and picked at his food. Luther sighed. “Five-”
Diego cut off Luther with a glare and mouthed ‘don’t’. Luther resigned himself. “Y’know you don’t have to eat more if you don’t want to,” Allison said, her voice sounding every ounce motherly.
Five didn’t know whether to hate it or not. He decided to go with the former. “I know, I’m fine,” Five said, slightly annoyed.
“Leftovers are great,” Klaus suggested. “I have them all the time.”
“I said I’m fine,” Five slowly said, like he was talking to children. “No need to baby me.”
Diego scoffed. “Baby you? Five, simply asking how you’re doing is not babying you.”
Viktor nodded. “Yeah, if you can’t eat anymore it’s fine. We can always stick it in the fridge.”
Five glared at Viktor, who only raised his eyebrows in response. Five huffed. “Can we just drop it?”
“No, we can’t just drop it,” Luther said. “You can barely take two bites without looking like you’re going to throw up and-”
Luther was cut off by Five sticking his fork into the wooden table. The siblings looked at Five, who glared at them. Then he vanished in a blue light.
Five sunk to the flow of his childhood bedroom with a sigh. He brought his knees up to his chest and squeezed them slightly.
‘That probably wasn’t the best thing to do,’ Delores said.
“I know,” Five sighed, settling his chin on the space between his knees.
‘Why don’t you talk to them, hmm?’
Five didn’t respond.
‘I think you should.’
“I think they should stay out of my business.”
‘They’re your family. They will always do that.’
Five sighed, closing his eyes. “I know.”
‘They love you. And you, you stubborn old man, won’t let them.’
Five snorted. “Why bother? They’ll get hurt eventually.”
‘They already have.’
Five grimaced.
‘But so have you. You can heal each other’s wounds. If you let them, that is. Life is hard, you know that more than anyone, but it can get easier with people to help you.’
“I don’t need help,” Five said.
Delores hummed. ‘Perhaps not. But you might want it.’
Five laughed. “Why would I want their help?”
‘Because you love them. Because you’ll do anything for them. Tell me this. If you didn’t want their help, why stay?’
Five froze. “What?”
‘Why stay with them? You’re a grown man, you can take care of yourself. But why stay? I wonder.’
Five stayed silent. There was a knock at the door. Klaus was standing in the doorway with a smile on his face. He waved.
‘See. They love you. Talk to him.’
Klaus stepped forward. “Sorry for intruding. Were you talking to your friend? Delores, hmm?”
Klaus sat next to Five, cross legged. “Tell her I said hi and I hope you don’t mind me barging in.”
Delores chuckled. ‘Oh, hello Klaus! I quite like this one. Tell him I don’t mind at all and I said hello. Would you dear?’
“She said she doesn’t mind,” Five said. “And she says hello.”
Klaus smiled brightly. “A hello from the famous Delores? Don’t I feel special.”
Klaus bumped Five’s shoulder with his own. Five tensed. Klaus noticed that and frowned. “Do you want to talk about what happened at dinner?”
Five shook his head. “Not really.”
Klaus clicked his tongue. “Cool. That’s cool. We can just sit here. But just so you know, it’s completely fine to not be able to finish a meal. Leftovers are always an option.”
Five looked down, saying nothing. Klaus took the silence as an invitation to keep talking. “When I was in my late teens, I think, I used to not be able to look at a food portion bigger than a snack without feeling like I was going to throw up. My skin felt like it was on fire. Sometimes I still feel like that. But it got better, with help of course. I had Ben. Now you have us.”
Five’s grip tightened around his knees. “Food was scarce in the apocalypse. There was no way to get more if needed. There was absolutely no one. I was alone for a long time, Klaus. Eating, especially in front of people is…hard.”
Klaus nodded. Five took in a shaky breath and continued. “It’s so weird having everyone. People, noises, everything. It’s too much. On some days I prefer the quietness of the apocalypse. I know that’s a selfish thought.”
Klaus sighed and shook his head. “No, no it’s not.”
Allison and Viktor appeared in the door. Viktor was struggling to carry a weighted blanket. “I brought this, in case.”
Klaus gestured to the two of them. Allison knelt down next to Five. “Hey, what’s wrong? I won’t be upset if you couldn’t eat dinner right now.”
Five looked up at Allison. “But, you made it.”
“Yeah, I did,” Allison said. “It won’t be a waste if we save it for leftovers.”
Five turned his lips into a thin line then nodded. The weighted blanket fell to the floor with a loud thud. They all jumped. “Sorry,” Viktor mumbled.
Klaus laughed loudly and Allison joined in. Viktor’s sheepish smile turned into laughter as well. And even Five couldn’t help but smile a bit. Diego and Luther showed up, looking equally confused. “What’s going on in here,” Diego questioned with a slight smile.
Allison smiled at him and shook her head. “Are we all good here,” Luther asked.
Five nodded. “Yeah, we are.”