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There was once an uncle by the name of Itto who owned the best fried carrot cake store in the whole of Singapore, JB, and some say Batam.
"Uncle, you never left Singapore before, how can you say JB and Batam?" Shinobu asked, making Itto sputter.
"Just say only mah!"
"Aiya, say also must say truth mah."
Wah, kids these days no respect!
Itto’s shop was located in a quaint little kopitiam owned by none other than his lifelong mahjong rival, Yae Miko. It all started when he invited Miko to a game of mahjong on the first night he opened his shop and since then, he had yet to win even a single game. Every night he would challenge her and every night, he would lose spectacularly.
“Uncle, I think you should just give up,” Shinobu said after Itto lost his match again.
“Give up? You want me to give up? You wait, one day I win then you see!”
“I see liao three years, see until when?”
Wah, kids these days really no respect!
Sometimes, during mahjong night, a person or two might decide to join in to try their luck against Yae Miko, the undisputed queen of mahjong. On that night, it just so happened that Chongyun was unwillingly dragged into the game by Miko when all he wanted was to dabao dinner for his aunt.
“Auntie, I really need to go home otherwise Auntie Shenhe will get worried.”
“Aiya, one more game can?”
There was a reason why Chongyun did not want to stick around long in a game of mahjong with the kopitiam aunties and uncles, and it was because the conversation would inevitably lead to talks about his future and his love life.
“Ah-boy ah, how your exams ah? Got pass or not?”
“Ah-boy, you must study hard okay? Otherwise grow up no money.”
“Ah-boy ah, when are you getting married ah? Got girlfriend or not? Boyfriend also can! Auntie Miko won’t judge.”
…Things like that.
After the (last!) quick game of mahjong, Chongyun pulled himself away from the table, accepting the packet of food before bidding farewell to all the aunties and uncles and running away as fast as his legs could carry.
Oh well, there was always tomorrow night.
Mahjong aside, if there was one other thing that Itto disliked, it was that Yae Miko also managed the drink stall despite owning the entire kopitiam. And it was because she managed the drink stall that she deliberately never made the drinks he ordered.
“Miko! Kopi-O Kosong!” Itto shouted during a lull in orders.
“Auntie, Kopi-O Siew Dai, not Kosong!” Shinobu corrected without missing a beat.
“One Kopi-O Siew Dai!”
Oi! Why does Miko keep replacing his order with Shinobu’s?
“Uncle, I don’t want to hear you complain that the kopi is too bitter the whole day.”
Wah lao! Kids these days really no respect sia!
If there was one thing all the aunties and uncles of Miko’s kopitiam loved, it was gossip. And one of the hottest topics in the kopitiam was definitely Uncle Zhongli’s nonexistent love life. More specifically, the handsome middle-aged guy trying to hit on the chicken rice stall uncle and failing every time.
Zhongli’s chicken rice stall was situated beside Itto’s fried carrot cake stall, making Itto the first to witness every spectacular failure.
So when Childe, the aforementioned handsome middle-aged guy, strolled up to Zhongli’s chicken rice stall to make an order, Itto angled his ear towards the two and paid attention.
“Hey Zhongli!” Childe greeted with a cheery smile as he waved at the man.
“Ah, Childe! It’s good to see you again! What do you want to eat? 烤鸡饭 or 白鸡饭?”
“我要你.”
Zhongli looked startled at that and for a single second, Itto thought that Childe had finally done it, only for the uncle to betray everyone’s low bar of expectation. “Is that a new chicken rice?”
Childe laughed awkwardly before ordering a plate of roasted chicken rice, once again defeated by Zhongli’s obliviousness.
“Aiyo, poor thing sia, already three months liao still cannot,” Lisa said, shaking her head after Itto recounted the entire scene during the daily mahjong session.
“What to do, can only pray for him lor.”
“Ah-boy ah,” Miko said to Childe who was now burying his face into his hands after Itto recounted everything in front of everyone at the mahjong table. “You need to up your game lah.”
“WHAT YOU WANT LAH WOMAN, I TOLD HIM I WANT HIM TO HIS FACE AND HE THOUGHT I WANT CHICKEN RICE,” Childe shouted, sobbing as the aunties and uncles patted his shoulders in pity.
Childe’s failed love confessions aside, the Yae Miko’s kopitiam always seemed to draw in the weirdest gossip and people. Take for example, Kamisato Ayato, a student in one of the best universities in the country. Rich and handsome, he goes to the kopitiam to drink Teh-C, haggles with all the aunties and uncles even though he can afford to eat at an atas restaurant, and brags about his wonderful younger sister to everyone within five metres of him.
As every uncle and auntie working and eating in the kopitiam were absolute drama kings and queens, it was not long before one of them rose up to the bait to confront Kamisato Ayato with a brag of their own. Again.
“So what if Ayaka got all distinctions again? My Kazuha won first place in the poem recital!”
“Huh? So what? My Ayaka got chosen to perform in the open house! Can your Kazuha do that huh?”
“Wah! You dare to insult my Kazuha? Your Ayaka got win any competition or not? My Kazuha got win every kendo competition for five years now!”
As Beidou and Ayato continued to trade verbal blows, both Kazuha and Ayaka could do nothing more than stand aside and bury their faces in their hands while everyone watched. Not even Itto’s boisterous laughter and comments at the sight could break up the verbal battle between Beidou and Ayato.
“Kor kor, can we please go home?” Ayaka begged desperately as she tugged at her brother’s sleeve to get his attention.
With those magic words, Ayato’s attitude did a complete one-eighty. He turned around and smiled. “Of course! Let’s go home okay? But wait ah, I want to buy fish soup first.”
Beidou however, was not so quick to play along with his antics. “Wah! You so thick skin ah? After you insult my Kazuha, still want to buy fish soup from me ah!? You jibai get lost lah!”
“Ma, please don’t get so angry. I’m not offended, okay?” Kazuha said, quickly stepping between Beidou and Ayato and raising his hands in a placating manner.
“...Only because you asked, okay?”
It was not just gossiping uncles and aunties that the kopitiam seemed to attract. It also had the tendency to attract students looking for a little drama in their life… Even if they were the source of the drama.
A well-known fact about Bennett was that he liked going to the kopitiam every saturday morning to eat a meal of kaya toast with a piping hot cup of teh tarik. Another well-known fact about Bennett was that he was very unlucky. In fact, if he bought 4D, everyone who bought 4D that day would have won two dollars except for him. If he ordered food from anywhere but the kopitiam, it would always get messed up. His chicken nuggets would have bones inside, he could walk to a place five minutes away and it would rain midway, and soccer balls would always end up attracted to his head.
However, no matter how suay Bennett was, it never once changed Miko’s perception of him. Where people normally avoided being near him so as to avoid getting affected by his bad luck, the auntie would always welcome him to her kopitiam when he walked in.
Whenever Bennett showed up at the kopitiam, Yae Miko would start preparing several kaya toasts because she knew all of them would mysteriously be ruined in some way. At the very least, she could serve him the one that still looked edible. The boy had apologised several times for making Miko do extra work and wasting food and money but the auntie always waved him off, saying that her kopitiam only served the best food in the whole country and nothing less.
All the kopitiam aunties and uncles like Bennett. He was nice, kind, and tried to help out even though his bad luck would cause trouble sometimes. He also liked studying at the kopitiam. The sight of him hunched over his textbooks was a common one and at times, some of the people working in the kopitiam would help him study.
“You need to bring this to here,” Shinobu said, her fingers moving on the textbook page as she taught Bennett.
“Are you sure you don’t have to go back to work?” Bennett asked, even as he scribbled down the calculations Shinobu showed him.
“Don’t worry, who wants to eat fried carrot cake at this hour? Anyway, I don’t think he needs my help at the moment, he looks very sian right now.”
“I can hear you!” Itto shouted from the wall he was leaning against.
“I know! That’s why I said it!”
Life at the kopitiam was good even if drama and gossip filled every corner of the place. Miko would continue to reign at the mahjong table. Chongyun would continue to get pestered to study hard, get a good job, and find a nice wife or husband. Beidou and Ayato would continue to brag about their family to each other. And Itto would continue to sell the best fried carrot cake in the whole of Singapore, JB, and some say Batam.
“Uncle, please lah, you never go JB and Batam before, how you know best or not?”
Wah lao! Kids these days no respect sia!