Chapter Text
“what about this one?” eliott asks, tugging on the hem of the shirt he’s wearing. there’s nothing much to it, just plain grey cotton draping loosely down eliott’s torso, and lucas twists his lips up into a grimace.
“it’s boring. you’re not boring,” he replies, rolling his eyes at eliott’s answering smirk. “next one.”
eliott turns, reaching over his shoulder to pull the offending shirt off, and lucas has to avert his gaze. it’s probably not the best idea for him to check out his best friend while he gets ready for a date.
eliott’s been on this “dating spree,” as lucas likes to call it, for a while now. a drunk basile had convinced a slightly buzzed eliott to download tinder one night and that was that.
(lucas thought he could handle it. thought, yeah, eliott deserves to be happy. he should give this a try. thought he could make it through without being overwhelmed by jealousy and regret and longing but he can't. eliott chips away at lucas’ heart every time he announces he’s going out for the night.)
this is eliott’s sixth tinder date this month alone, and they’re always, always, with different people. in the four months that eliott has been doing this, not once has he gone on a second date.
frankly, lucas doesn’t understand it. these people must not be paying attention at all, must spend the entire night staring at their phones or listening to music for them to not be completely enraptured by everything that is eliott.
if it was him on one of these dates, he’d sweep eliott off his fucking feet. lucas knows exactly where they’d go: that fancy new burger place that just opened up downtown. eliott had pointed it out last week when they went to see a movie, said that it looked good but far too expensive for their miniscule student budgets. (lucas doesn’t care, though. if he took eliott on a date there, he’d get them an appetizer, entrée, and dessert, maybe even a beer or two, and he wouldn’t let eliott touch the check.) afterwards, they’d hold hands while walking through the streets of paris, and lucas would purposefully take a few wrong turns just to keep the night going. and maybe they’d kiss outside of eliott’s apartment or maybe they wouldn’t, but lucas thinks that doesn’t matter much. not for them.
but it’s not him on that date (it’s never him), and lucas has to sit back and let his heart break every other night of the week.
from his spot on the bed, lucas sees eliott’s calloused fingertips skim over the green turtleneck, the one that brings out his eyes beautifully, the one that clings tight to his biceps, the one that makes it nearly impossible to not fall in love with him.
please not that one, please not that one. if you choose that one, it’s all over, lucas chants, holding his breath until a different shirt is picked. thank fuck.
“thoughts?” eliott holds his choice up on a hanger. it’s a garish button-up, a mess of colors and shapes, and lucas squints to get a better view.
“what kind of a pattern even is that?” he asks, brow furrowed.
“it’s abstract.”
“it’s ugly. you’ll scare them off.”
eliott scoffs, already shoving the shirt back into the closet. “you don’t know that,” he mutters. “they might like it.”
lucas rolls his eyes, fiddling with the phone in his hands. “what’s this one’s name again?” he asks, feigning interest in whoever this next idiot is.
“jacques.” lucas hums, staring down at his phone’s blank screen. something clicks in the back of his mind and he freezes. wait…
“didn’t you go out with a jacques last week?” shit, this is the first one that’s gotten a second date. fuck. “i-i thought you said it didn’t go well?”
eliott pauses, his arm already halfway into a new shirt. “no, you’re thinking of jacqueline.” lucas breathes out a sigh of relief.
“oh, sorry, my bad.” he hesitates, pulling his bottom lip back between his teeth, shifting his gaze to the floor. “i’ve just started to lose track of them all, you know? honestly, it’s surprising you’ve managed to not get confused, too. i mean…” (and he can taste the bitterness in his words, hear the anger and jealousy dripping from his voice, but there’s nothing he can do to stop their spill.)
“eliott, this is what, the third this week? i really don’t know how you do it; first dates are awful. and you never go out on a second date, either! what, do you not like them? do they not like you? you know, —"
“lucas.”
the sheer hurt in eliott’s voice brings lucas’ thoughts to a screeching halt. he whips his head up to find eliott staring at the ground, his next shirt option hanging limply between his fingers. “please don’t do this. it’s hard enough for me as it is, and i don’t need you making it worse.”
huh?
“what do you mean, it’s hard for you?” lucas lifts himself up so that he’s sitting on the bed, leaning forward to catch eliott’s every word. the other boy opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything, instead snapping his jaw shut and grinding his teeth together. “eliott?”
“forget i said anything, lucas. it doesn’t matter,” eliott mutters, turning back around.
“no, eliott,” lucas replies, his voice insistent with worry. he’s standing now, staring at eliott’s back, fingers aching to reach out and comfort. “why is this hard for you?”
the other boy sighs. “just drop it, okay,” eliott spits out.
“why won’t you answer my question?”
“why can’t you let this go?” eliott spins on his heel, throwing his now-wrinkled shirt to the floor. “what’s your problem, anyway?”
they’re yelling and lucas hates it, hates seeing the pain in eliott’s eyes, hates the way his nostrils flare with every burning breath. they’re frustrated and exasperated and it’s a dangerous combination.
“you just…” lucas clears his throat, trying to calm down and keep everything inside. his words are tense, short. he can’t leave any room for emotion to slip out. “i just don’t think you should go tonight.”
“why, lucas?”
now it’s lucas’ turn to falter, lip trembling as he searches for the words. eliott throws his arms in the air, slapping them down against his thighs with a huff.
“fuck, lucas! why?”
nothing.
“give me one good reason to cancel my date right now.”
“i’m in love with you!”
out of all the times lucas has dared to dream about this moment, not once had he imagined himself screaming in eliott’s face.
fuck. eliott’s lips split apart, gaping at lucas. fuck.
when eliott speaks, it’s barely above a whisper. “what?”
“i’m in love with you and i-i’m terrified,” lucas continues, voice cracking on every other syllable. “i’ve spent the past three fucking years trying to ignore it and just make these feelings go away because i know you don’t want me like that but i can’t and i—”
a rough, dry sob escapes his lips and lucas screws his eyes shut. he can’t even look at eliott. he doesn’t want to see the confusion, the fear, the disgust in his eyes.
“i always come back to you,” he croaks out, throat thick with tears waiting to be unleashed. lucas spins around to face the window, stepping away from eliott. he tugs at his hair and wraps an arm around his ribs and tries to keep himself from falling apart. everything inside him is burning and eliott has the power to turn lucas to ash.
he sees eliott before he feels him, spots the shadow creeping into the corner of his vision.
“lucas…” he jerks forward out of eliott’s reach, stumbling over his own two feet.
“please don’t.”
eliott breathes out a sigh, and the silence left in its wake is deafening.
“i’m gonna go,” lucas mumbles, turning on his heel. he hopes eliott doesn’t see him wiping his eyes. “have fun on your date.”
he tries to leave, tries to brush past eliott but he doesn’t get very far before there’s a hand gripping his arm to pull him backwards and there are fingers sliding up his cheeks and soft lips pressing against his.
lucas’ body reacts before his mind can catch up, kissing eliott back immediately and curling his hands into the small of the other boy’s back. he twists his fingers through the loose fabric of eliott’s shirt, bunching it up and grazing his knuckles against the smooth skin below.
their kiss is bruising. it’s deep and fierce, a culmination of years of burying feelings and avoiding conversations.
“i’m in love with you,” eliott says as they pull away, his chest heaving. “since high school. i never thought you’d feel the same.”
lucas lets out a whimper of a breath, letting his eyes slide shut. years. they could’ve done this years ago.
“i go on these dates to try to feel something, anything, for someone who’s not you. but it never works,” eliott mutters, reaching out to brush a stray piece of hair behind lucas’ ear. “i spend the entire night thinking about you. what you’d order at the restaurant, how you’d hold my hand over the table…”
he leans down, resting their foreheads against each other.
“i think about how much better it would be if you were on the date with me instead.”
lucas gulps, looking up at eliott with awe in his eyes and finding it mirrored back at him.
“i just can’t seem to move on from you.”
lucas gasps. eliott’s thumb glides across his cheek, swiping away the last few tear tracks, his touch as gentle as the morning sun.
“well, good,” lucas says, his voice hoarse, and nuzzles their noses together. “because i don’t want you to move on from me.”
eliott's laugh echoes around the room, and lucas understands why people write love songs. (no combination of piano notes could ever do eliott justice, but lucas is willing to die trying.)
“i don’t want you to move on from me, either.”
lucas surges up again, capturing eliott’s lips in another kiss. this one is slower, softer, free of the rough push-and-pull from before.
they break apart but he doesn’t let eliott go far: lucas shuffles forward to press his cheek into the smooth curve of eliott’s neck and wraps his arms around the boy’s waist. (they fit together perfectly, just like lucas knew they would.)
“i love you.”
eliott whispers it in lucas’ ear like it’s something to be treasured, like it’s something sacred. lucas supposes it is.
“i love you,” he answers.