not_a_functioning_human_being



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Sanders Sides One Shots by

    Fandom Sanders Sides (Web Series)

    06 Dec 2020

    Words:
    25,895
    Works:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 1

    i still wish for you at 11:11 by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    29 Jun 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Eli makes a wish at 11:11.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,452
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    68
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    22 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 1

    Disguise, I See Thou Art a Wickedness by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    17 Jul 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Something goes right, and something goes wrong, and Jacob remembers who he's supposed to be. And suddenly, he doesn't see a reason to keep up the act.

    So he tells them.

     

    [That's right! It's a find-out fic. + Jacob has mental health problems because of course he does.]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,075
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    47
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    21 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 3

    Locked by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    21 Jan 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Eli…had a lot of feelings about Jacob coming to work at TRU as Jordan. The most worrying being that that quiet song in the back of Eli's mind, the one that sang out for Jacob since they were teens, started to get louder again.

    OR, Eli Reyes has had a...thing for Jacob Kane for longer than he'd like to admit. That thing presences itself as a problem on their latest case, where they're investigating a series of lover's leaps.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,611
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    49
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    264
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    13 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 3

    Patch Up by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    27 Jan 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    When his vision cleared, all he saw was the concerned eyes of Jacob staring at him. “Eli– uh– Reynes, are you okay? You’re not… doing too hot.”

    If he was a bit more conscious, Eli would’ve had the balls to pipe up, “No. I’m currently suffering from a likely concussion, you’re holding me in your lap bridal style, and I think I’m going to throw up.”

    -
    or; Eli was a bit more injured than he thought he was initially. Jacob insists on taking care of him, and Eli? Well. He doesn't know what to feel.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,896
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    245
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    12 Jul 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 2

    Whatever You Need by

    Fandoms: [Redacted] - Athan & Jamie Petronis (Podcast)  

    24 Jun 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    Jacob stops shaving and Eli doesn't know how to react.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,069
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    88
    Bookmarked by not_a_functioning_human_being

    09 Jul 2026