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    Investigative Auror Draco Malfoy and Forensic Anthropologist Dr Hermione Granger find themselves temporary custodians of an infant while working to solve the mystery of his mother’s tragic murder.

     

    For fans of the Booth/Brennan ship, forced proximity, and snarky narrators, I present to you a comedic Dramione murder-mystery inspired by the TV show Bones.

    Language:
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    5/5
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    08 Jun 2026

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    Following the devastation of the Battle of Hogwarts, The Wizarding Population Growth Act is put into effect. All witches and wizards will be matched with their most compatible partner. Failure to comply will not be tolerated. Survival is key.

    Hermione reminds herself of this. Survival. She can fix this, if only she can survive. The war has made this a task she is equipped for. Marrying Draco Malfoy will hardly be the worst thing she's ever endured.

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    08 Jun 2026

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    The war had been over for all of five years and the wizarding world was still just trying to pick up the pieces. Draco had scarcely been on English soil for a full fortnight before he received a summons from the Ministry Unification and Integration Office. The summons fluttered out of his hands; it was a joke, it had to be. They couldn’t do this to him—to her.

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    18/18
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    08 Jun 2026

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    After the war, Draco Malfoy seeks refuge from infamy in the Muggle world. A friendly Muggle couple takes him under their wing, but there’s a problem: they are intent on setting him up with their best friend, Hermione Granger.

    Or, in which the Muggle friends Hermione Granger undoubtedly would have had will not take no for an answer.

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    Chapters:
    26/26
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    08 Jun 2026

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    She wore that Granger expression, the one that said she was going to bully someone into something. Draco had a bad feeling it was about to be him. “I’ll marry you,” Hermione said.

    “Don’t be ridiculous.”

    “I’m not doing it for free. I marry you, then after a year we divorce and you agree to fund S.P.E.A.M.B. In perpetuity.”

    “Out of the question.”

    “It’s just one year. We would both get what we want.”

    “Contracted marriages require consummation,” he said, adding a leer for good measure.

    Granger had gotten more attractive since their Hogwarts days, he would give her that much. Her jumper was atrocious, though. He had half a mind to burn it.

    To his everlasting shock, she merely shrugged. “It’s just sex. I’ve had it before and I presume you have too.”

    She was utterly serious. Draco stared at her and contemplated being married to her. She was irritating and he might make her promise to never wear that jumper again, but it was better than the alternative.

    Draco would do just about anything to avoid being poor.

    “You’re serious?”

    “Completely.”

    “Then congratulations, Granger. You've got yourself a husband.”

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    08 Jun 2026

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