1 - 20 of 342 Works by escapismandsharpobjects
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bad things happen bingo: sore throat
Something’s up.
It takes him a moment to work it out, such that the water overflows in his mug. He wipes it up hastily with a muttered, “shit,” and just like that, the pieces fall into place.
Stef has been utterly silent this entire time.
He’s never known Stef to be silent for more than, say, twenty seconds. He doesn’t think he’s capable of it.
Except Stef’s been sitting here for at least four minutes, and he hasn’t said a word. -
steel toes & frozen veg by escapismandsharpobjects
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
09 Jun 2026
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bad things happen bingo: kick them while they are down
He hadn’t even gone looking for trouble this time.
Really, he hadn’t.
And yet here he is, slap bang in the middle of a bank robbery. -
i understand. by escapismandsharpobjects for blue_and_bloodied
Fandoms: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
04 Jun 2026
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bad things happen bingo: fake kill scare
He doesn’t want to do this.
Fuck, he doesn’t want to do this.
But they’re as good as dead otherwise.
Illya might be as good as dead anyway. -
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bad things happen bingo: non-consensual kiss
Stefan feels…weird.
Well, that’s not precisely true. What he feels is drunk. Really drunk. So super drunk. He’s pretty sure he isn’t supposed to be this drunk, but he is.
Weird.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,350
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 7
- Hits:
- 32
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bad things happen bingo: taking the blame
“It was my fault,” says Illya, partly because it is relatively true and partly because, even if it weren’t, it’s better that he takes the blame. -
unspool by escapismandsharpobjects for mortalghost
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
11 Jan 2026
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bad things happen bingo: thrown down the stairs
The thing about falling down the stairs is that you sort of don’t really understand what’s happening until it’s already happened. -
the most natural thing in the world by escapismandsharpobjects for zeerat
Fandoms: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
25 Dec 2025
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illya gets captured on a mission. over a week of torture later, napoleon finds him. what follows is an intense few days of fleeing, complications, and realizations.
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i know that i should hate you but my case is thin by escapismandsharpobjects
Fandoms: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
31 Oct 2025
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whumptober day 31: gunshot wound, rescued by the enemy
There is absolutely no reason for Napoleon to be doing what he’s doing right now. No reason at all. He’s actively making his life harder and almost certainly setting himself up for any number of major problems, say, anywhere from five seconds to twenty-four hours down the line.
And yet. -
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whumptober day 15: "you can take a break, if you just tell me that it hurts"
“Now remember, you can take a break at any time, if you just tell me that it hurts.”
Illya fixes the man–he does not even know his name–with a glare. I will not, he thinks, but does not say. I will never.
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whumptober day 23: "how'd i get to this place?"
The cause of all of this pain, the torture, he remembers well. But the fight—he knows there had been one from the fact that he is now free, but he doesn’t remember any of it. He doesn’t know how he got away, or where he’d been in the first place, or what path he’d taken.
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whumptober day 30: mirror
It’s not that bad, as far as injuries go. This isn’t what makes him stop and stare.
It’s the look in his eyes, on his face. -
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whumptober day 29: fainting
He tries to say something, comes up empty, and then it all stops.
He opens his eyes and he’s on the ground and it’s cold. -
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whumptober day 25: left to die
He’s at the edge of a swamp and he is bleeding. Gunshot wound to the torso, another one to the lower leg. They hurt like all hell. Mosquitoes swarm around him, and he raises a sluggish hand to shoo them away.
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whumptober day 28: "i could always see straight through you"
He wakes up and knows he’s in the hospital without opening his eyes. -
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whumptober day 12: withholding medical treatment
“This was your mistake. You’re hardly bleeding out. It’s your problem, not ours.”
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whumptober day 27: surgical scars
It is almost poetic, Illya thinks. This cut is nearly exactly opposite the scar from the other one. The very first injury he had ever sustained in the course of this work. -
shitty day, worse night by escapismandsharpobjects
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
26 Oct 2025
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whumptober day 26: "oh. oh" (alt no.17)
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
It’s River. -
permanent headache by escapismandsharpobjects
Fandoms: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron
24 Oct 2025
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whumptober day 24: concussion (alt no.4)
He’d thought it was a normal concussion. He’d had a couple before, had known what they felt like. And it had felt exactly the same. -
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whumptober day 22: hunted for sport
Nick wakes up groggy and dizzy and in the woods.
He sits up. His head spins. He’s covered in leaves and the earth beneath him is damp. It smells like trees and rain and he is more than a bit cold and the sun is beginning to set.
Why is he here? -
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whumptober day 19: ziptie (alt no.10)
He experimentally struggles against the restraints, but they’re thick and unyielding. He gives up after a couple minutes when he feels one of his wrists starting to bleed and decides to try something else.
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whumptober day 21: "hold my hand" (alt no.16)
Nick extends his right hand, and lets Hank take hold of it from beside him. -
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whumptober day 20: symptomatic, fancy event
illya, gaby, and napoleon go undercover at a fancy party. little do any of them know that illya is sick. -
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whumptober day 18: ruins
sakari and sofia explore an abandoned building as part of a case. it goes fine until it doesn't. -
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whumptober day 17: innocent bystander (alt no.13)
When she gets the call, after the initial concern for him has been placated with assurances that he’s fine, mostly, her first thought is that he must have done something. He must be involved in some way.
This because, as a rule, Jane typically doesn’t just happen to end up in the immediate vicinity of an explosion. -
it had to have happened like this by escapismandsharpobjects
Fandoms: The Mentalist (TV 2008)
16 Oct 2025
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whumptober day 16: repressed trauma
This is how it had to have happened. He was always going to have to remember.