1 - 20 of 144 Bookmarks by ataripearl
Navigation
List of Bookmarks
-
Tags
Summary
When did it get so dark? Dean can’t even begin to guess how much time has passed. The world stopped the moment the light inside Castiel had gone out for good.
He remembers sitting there on his knees, in complete shock and denial, for a long time before reality collided with him, far sooner than he ever would've expected it to. Far sooner than it ever has.
And suddenly, just like that, all the pain had unraveled from him in a huge, revolting tangle, and he couldn't get it back in.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,450
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 172
- Kudos:
- 754
- Bookmarks:
- 186
- Hits:
- 12,939
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
On paper, Cas Milton is a disaster. Four years ago, he attempted to take his own life, and his medical record is riddled with hospital stays, therapy appointments, and prescriptions.
But you can't always trust a piece of paper--because off the record, Cas has spent the past four years trying to learn how to live the life he's been given. Now a junior in college, he's aided by his two best friends, Dean and Meg, who he met in a grief support group freshman year, and between first dates, movie nights, conversations with his therapist, and, of course, going to class, it seems like maybe he's starting to get a handle on things.
There's more to his relationship with Dean than meets the eye, though, and a trip to visit Dean's family leads to a kiss and changes everything. Will Cas finally reach out and take something for himself in life, or is he destined to never actually start living?
And will he only make the decision when it might be too late?
Series
- Part 1 of life is for the living
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,570
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 94
- Kudos:
- 343
- Bookmarks:
- 91
- Hits:
- 4,165
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
Cas is twenty-seven, depressed, and at the end of his rope. After many years of contemplating suicide, he decides it’s finally time to pull the literal trigger. But Cas is scared. He knows he needs encouragement, peer pressure to push himself off the edge of the cliff, so he finds a partner online.
Dean Winchester is a guy that Cas only knows in passing. He’s charming, bold, and absolutely the last person Cas expected for a suicide partner. But he’ll do.
A story about Dean and Cas falling in love with each other, and with life itself.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 67,628
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 137
- Kudos:
- 729
- Bookmarks:
- 277
- Hits:
- 10,095
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
Cas dies and Dean starts referring to himself as a widower. This is somewhat confusing for everyone involved.
(Inspired by *that* tumblr post; linked in notes)
(Canon MCD not tagged because it's temporary)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,988
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 352
- Kudos:
- 4,533
- Bookmarks:
- 1,373
- Hits:
- 37,366
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
sitting here with you (at the kitchen table) by stsgkaisen
Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005)
20 Sep 2022
Tags
Summary
Dean has no idea what he did to deserve it, but something so bigger and worthier and holier than him found him between the flames of hell and molded him back into himself. Took his bleeding hands and knit the skin back together like Dean was deserving of it. His arms and legs and chest and throat—every inch of him—has known Cas’s touch. The angel had sewn him back together enough times that somewhere along the line, angel grace replaced dental floss, and Dean has never been the same.
Now that it’s done and it’s over, the chasm in his gut eats itself raw.
***
A little something about kitchen table conversations, and grief and love going hand in hand.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,891
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 40
- Kudos:
- 563
- Bookmarks:
- 120
- Hits:
- 5,163
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
there's no cell service in the afterlife by screamsintothesun
Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005)
19 Dec 2022
Tags
Summary
Castiel is resurrected from The Empty. While Dean is recovering from casting the spell that brought him back, Cas checks his voicemail.
Turns out, they both just might be able to say what it is they want.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,405
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 286
- Kudos:
- 1,592
- Bookmarks:
- 491
- Hits:
- 18,893
Bookmarked by ataripearl
06 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
“You saved me,” Cas says.
Dean wants to crawl inside that low rumble of a voice and curl up there forever. Delirious, he says, “Yes.”
Then Cas says, “You kissed me.”
Dean swallows. “And?”
Cas kisses him. Something burns at the hem of Dean’s shirt and his eyelashes flutter darker and it’s much, much later when he realizes he’d felt a spark from the lightbulbs blowing out.
*
Dean barely talks since Cas died. Even once they save him, it's too damn hard. In which fucked up coping styles leave both Cas and Dean convinced the other doesn't really love them. Cas thinks Dean is offering to sleep with him out of the goodness of his heart, or so Cas won't leave. Dean is trying to be less of a dick and ends up crying all the time. Cas just wants Dean to let him be the big spoon. They get to heal and be in love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,096
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 68
- Kudos:
- 1,994
- Bookmarks:
- 359
- Hits:
- 27,766
Bookmarked by ataripearl
05 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
“Mind you, the vast majority of Enochian doesn’t directly translate into your language, so I’m doing it all an injustice. But it truly is one of my kind’s most delicate processes. Very fast - a star takes a minimum fifty-thousand earth years to reach its smallest stage, which is just a blip in the void - but precise and perfect. ‘Mechanical’ would probably be the closest English equivalent, but that’s far too dull to really describe it.”
Dean blows out a puff of air and says, almost whispers, “The language barrier ain’t the thing keeping me from getting this, Cas.”
Cas squeezes his hand. “Stay with me.”
✭
In which back-from-the-empty Cas and Dean have a heart-to-heart about stars in a snowy field in the middle of nowhere.
Bookmarked by ataripearl
05 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
Even though Chuck has been defeated and the world has been saved, there's no going forward for Dean with Cas still trapped in the Empty. After pulling off a rescue, Dean hopes that he'll be brave enough to take the necessary step and tell Cas how he feels. But, convinced Cas no longer feels the same way, he stays silent. With everything they've ever wanted close enough to taste, will Dean and Cas be able to face one more moment of vulnerable honesty before it's too late?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,075
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 229
- Bookmarks:
- 54
- Hits:
- 2,968
Bookmarked by ataripearl
03 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
Dean Winchester hadn't wanted anything in a long time. When he was young, he’d cried himself to sleep wanting his mother back, and when he was older, he'd wasted time wishing his father wouldn’t leave for another month-long hunt. It didn’t take long for Dean to learn that wanting was just the shortest route to disappointment. So, from an early age, he learned to focus on what he needed instead: to keep Sammy safe, have food in his belly, and always obey his father.
As he got older, the needs changed, but the pattern remained the same. He needed to hunt monsters, save the world, and drink himself into a stupor more often than he’d care to admit. When other needs arose, he satisfied them with whichever woman would have him for the night, always careful never to want anything—or anyone—beyond what was necessary for survival. Needs were simple—uncomplicated, instinctual, and painless. Wanting, on the other hand, was for suckers, for lucky bastards naïve enough to believe life was fair. Dean knew better; he knew the darkness, and the monsters in it, were real.
So, whenever Dean’s subconscious betrayed him by dreaming up the things he wanted, he dutifully ignored it.
Series
- Part 1 of What's Left
Bookmarked by ataripearl
03 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
It isn’t fast, all rushed confessions and desperate kisses, tumbling into a bed and crashing into each other with frantic relief like meteorites.
What happens after Cas is taken from him isn’t fast at all.
***
Dean won't let Cas die that easily.
After a knee-jerk, slightly reckless rescue mission, Dean finds himself without aim and without conflict for perhaps the first time in his life. Is it possible for him- for them- to grow after all this time?
And of course, in the centre of it all (hasn't he always been?) is Cas. Maybe the after wouldn't be so bad with him.
(OR: Dean and Cas come together in fits and starts, over a thousand firsts.)
Bookmarked by ataripearl
03 Jul 2026
-
Tags
Summary
A hundred times the creatures of purgatory fuck Dean, and how Cas keeps him sane through each one.
Series
- Part 1 of Don't Count On It
-
Tags
Summary
Even after his father is dead, Dean doesn’t stop hunting; and it’s not as if he should, but he doesn’t let Sam rush headfirst into danger even when Sam wants to, and he doesn’t let Castiel protect him, either, because he still lives in that place in his mind that tells him this is his responsibility, and he’ll get no help from anyone.
Just a short and sweet fic about Cas trying to convince Dean he doesn't have to carry the world on his shoulders.
-
Tags
Summary
There's a haunted apartment building in Vermont, and the ad says "Professional couple only". Dean and Cas rise to the occasion.
-
Sometimes you’ll find that I’m out of my mind by enochianprayer
Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005)
20 Apr 2022
Tags
Summary
Castiel returns from the Empty, and Dean worries obsessively. Dean also sleeps on the floor in Cas' room, which he admits is weird, but at least he's sleeping.
Series
- Part 1 of baby, i'm the worrying kind
-
Tags
Summary
How can he say more than the words that don’t even capture a fraction of the pain. You were dead. Three words that are too weak to hold up the agony. Cas, you were dead, and you weren’t coming back. I know because I burned the body.
“Okay, alright. You don’t need to speak. It’s alright- I’ll- I’ll just-” and then Cas is holding up a glowing hand that he moves over the vague shape of Dean’s body under the tangle of his bedsheets. “I can’t sense anything wrong. Nothing malignant, or even duress of natural causes. I don't- I don’t know what’s happening.”
Cas, man, it’s actually not as bad as it seems. I think I’m having a panic attack.
-
Tags
Summary
After a hunt gone wrong, Dean tends to Castiel’s wounds in the bunker’s quiet hours, the lights dimmed, the world held still, and every breath too close.
What starts as careful cleaning becomes confession, and what begins as fear of losing him becomes something neither of them can pull away from.
In the soft amber glow of the infirmary, the space between them finally breaks open, and Dean lets himself want… and be wanted back.
Slow, aching inevitability melts into something deeper, something hungry, something neither of them can take back, and neither of them want to.
-
Tags
Summary
Two years after the end of the world-that-wasn’t, Dean and Cas have built something startlingly normal in the Men of Letters bunker — a home. A life. A relationship that’s steady, warm, and finally allowed to exist in the sunlight.
But normal life still comes with surprises.
Series
- Part 2 of SPN One-shots
-
Tags
Summary
Dean wakes up disoriented with a man between his thighs and another on the edge of the bed.
-
Tags
Summary
His hands gripped Dean even tighter, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of the young boys hips. Cas hold eye contact while fucking up hard, turned on even more by the tears streaming down the freckled face. He groaned deep when he heard Dean sobbing, getting impossibly harder from the desperate sound.
Series
- Part 1 of Desperation