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what's the sitch? by periodically_puzzled
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Deadpool - All Media Types
08 Apr 2023
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Summary
Beep beep bee-beep.
The chipper little four-tone riff from Kim Possible rings from Peter's phone, and it snaps him out of his fugue state enough that he’s able to groan and grab it out from under his pillow. Normally, he’s happy enough to hear Deadpool’s text tone, but there’s nothing he could want at this hour that Peter’s going to be particularly jazzed about. When Wade texts this late, it’s either an emergency on patrol or a sleep-drunk attempt at a booty call, and Peter’s not in a place to entertain either of those ideas.
But he’s at least going to have the decency to text him back and tell him to fuck off.
He opens the phone.
There’s no messages.
Bookmarked by Hilo
22 May 2026
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"It gets worse, by the way. Severe insomnia can cause confusion, hallucinations, paranoia, problems with short-term memory and oh, yeah. You can totally die from it."
"Not true," Robert mumbled, "You don't die from insomnia. You can die from the health complications caused by severe sleep deprivation though."
"Great, you can die from the fucking health complications then! This shit's serious, Robert! And not normal!"
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Or: Robert's no good, very bad, really, really long day.
Bookmarked by Hilo
01 Apr 2026
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Visi was about to put her hand on Robert's shoulder to steady him when he suddenly lunged forward. Before she knew what was happening she was lying on the ground, Robert kneeling on top of her.
"Rob–"
She didn't get a chance to finish. With a precision that should've been impossible for a temporarily blinded man, he pulled his arm back and punched her in the throat.
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Or: Three times Z-Team realizes just how much Robert fights like a feral creature.
Bookmarked by Hilo
01 Apr 2026
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After a literal crash and burn, no mention of a successor at the final press conference, and the overall trainwreck ending of a beloved fifty-year old legacy… Mecha Man is unexpectedly back.
The Internet loses its shit.
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In which footage of the suit being moved off the SDN roof leaks online, prompting Robert to face some tough decisions; Prism starts a Z-Team group chat and sends thirsty TikTok edits of Mecha Man; and Robert just wants to kiss his girlfriend, goddamn it.
Series
- Part 2 of Z-Team Found Family
Bookmarked by Hilo
30 Mar 2026
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One heartbeat stretched into infinity as he froze in abject terror. The barrel of the cannon spun in slow motion as the metal grew warm.
“FIRING.”Holy fuck. He was going to die.
For some reason, his idiot brain was preoccupied with what its last thoughts should be.
(I want dad, he allowed. He was dying anyway.)or
The Z-Team has a bet on how Robert got that nick in his ear, ft. Robbie Robertson II's A+ parenting and the generational weight of legacy
Series
- Part 1 of Robbie Robertson II's A+ Parenting
- Part 1 of Z-Team Found Family
Bookmarked by Hilo
29 Mar 2026
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There's a certain look in her eyes as she trails her hand up his upper arm and he can feel embers flickering to life in his stomach as her other hand slowly but firmly grips his collar.
"Are you still on for our… plans?"
An amused smile grows across Robert's face, "What? Of making out?"—
Robert goes back to Mandy's after the events of episode 8
Bookmarked by Hilo
29 Mar 2026
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Summary
Mandy purses her lips. “Please tell me you didn’t actually think you would just clock in and go to work like normal.”
“Okay, I won’t,” Robert replies.
OR: Robert gets mugged on the way to work by a teenager with a gun and decides that it's really not that bad.
Series
Bookmarked by Hilo
29 Mar 2026
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Summary
An overanalysis of Flambae, his family, and everyone caught in the blast.
- Words:
- 53,442
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 75
Bookmarked by Hilo
28 Mar 2026
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Robert Robertson keeps telling Prism that she's not living up to her potential. She wants to ignore him but in the wake of Shroud's death, villains come out of the woodwork to take shots at the more visible members of Z-Team. Flambae and Prism are... extremely fucking visible. AKA: One of Prism's old enemies kidnaps Flambae. She and Robert have to act fast in the aftermath.
Series
- Part 11 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
27 Mar 2026
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It’s stupid. Shroud is dead. It’s over. Everything is fine now. His dad is avenged. The city saved. All of Z-Team home safe. It’s fine. Why isn’t he fine, goddammit? AKA: Robert hits a wall after the credits roll. Coupe, of all people, understands.
Series
- Part 10 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
26 Mar 2026
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Some of the missing time between Robert going down in the villain bar and Blonde Blazer coming through that door. Shroud gives the Red Ring crew ten minutes to do what they want with Mecha Man before the real interrogation starts. It gets pretty fucking ugly. AKA: Shooting Robert's dad really never was enough for Elliot Connors. Not really.
Series
- Part 9 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
26 Mar 2026
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Summary
In which Robert gets blown up and Malevola intervenes. She’ll never admit it, but she might (as a part-demon) have a soft spot about the metaphysical evidence that their new dispatcher is, in fact, a good person. And she’s not gonna watch him die in a fucking lab explosion. AKA: A few missing scenes and speculation on Malevola’s whole deal.
Series
- Part 8 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
26 Mar 2026
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In which Z-Team (and the SDN office in general) notices that the new dispatcher looks like someone took him apart with a box cutter and put him back together at some point. They have follow-up questions. AKA: Robert’s scars get the team talking about the high cost of being a hero and what it means to be one.
Series
- Part 7 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
26 Mar 2026
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Blonde Blazer—no, Mandy—realizes that Robert literally doesn’t know what PTO is and forces him to take a day off. Unfortunately, he also doesn’t know how to relax. Mandy-supervised relaxation day is a go! AKA: If Rob’s tragic hero origin story gets any more fucked up on this whimsical beach day, Mandy is going the shake him like a maraca. (It’s not a date!)
Series
- Part 5 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
25 Mar 2026
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Summary
In which Invisigal is handling this soooo normally. She’s not spiraling at all about Mecha Man joining SDN as her goddamn dispatcher. The way she’s thinking about the guy she nearly exploded to death is normal. So normal. She can be normal helping the guy out with something as simple as a headache. AKA: Vizi battles her demons while Robert has a migraine after hours. It’s so normal.
Series
- Part 4 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
25 Mar 2026
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Summary
Coupé is going to kill Robert Robertson. She’s got the time. The date. The method. He is a dead man walking and nothing—not even several other assassins trying to kill a normie dispatcher for some reason—is going to stop her. AKA: Coupé tries to kill Robert and accidentally saves him instead. God. So embarrassing. Ugh.
Series
- Part 3 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
25 Mar 2026
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Sonar is recovering from a mission gone bad and trying not to think about how shitty it was because then it might be hard to laugh off and then he might not be able to stay human. Which is the whole damn problem, really. Unfortunately, Flambae won't drop the subject. AKA: Sonar discusses the sometimes very deadly drawbacks of not passing as a human while superheroing.
Series
- Part 2 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
25 Mar 2026
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Summary
Flambae and Sonar are the only flight-based heroes left on Z-Team now that Coupé is cut and Phenomaman is... too sad to function. That means more work for the guy who can fly 100% of the time. Stressed and pissed off, Flambae makes a mistake on mission and as everyone knows, if you fuck up ever, you can never fix it. AKA: Sonar gets injured on a dispatch and Flambae has a normal reaction to it.
Series
- Part 1 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
24 Mar 2026
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Robert is kind of twitchy and the Z-Team is, you know, a gaggle of morally compromised fucknuggets. As the team starts to get a little too comfortable play-razing their new dispatcher, someone takes a prank too far and gets an uncomfortable snapshot into what superhero PTSD looks like. AKA: Robert gets no shit triggered at the office.
Series
- Part 6 of Dispatching, Depression, & Donuts
Bookmarked by Hilo
24 Mar 2026
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Summary
It was supposed to be a joke.
It was supposed to be a one-off thing to mock the team for how immature they were being.
So why the fuck was it working??
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,659
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 197
- Kudos:
- 9,748
- Bookmarks:
- 1,597
- Hits:
- 44,678
Bookmarked by Hilo
23 Mar 2026