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“And this is how it feels when I,
Ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself
When I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when,
When I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when
It's all left up to me,”
There was something different in Shirosaki Hichigo’s voice that night, and everyone who heard it knew it. It was harsher, more desperate that usual, and all the more captivating because of it.
“Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me,”
Ichigo’s heart ached profusely from where he sat, nestled up to his master. There was such anguish in his big brother’s voice, such dull rage and pointed suffering that it made him tremble with unrelinquished grief and unanswered sympathy.
What had his brother suffered? What had he endured? He desperately wanted to know, but no matter how much he asked and pleaded, Hichigo never spoke a word of what passed in the years between when he’d left, and when he’d made his debut. Only looked at him sadly, and quietly asked him to drop the matter. That alone scared Ichigo.
“And this is how it looks when,
I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart,
When I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I,
Pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear
When I throw myself away,”
Ichigo recalled Uryuu’s expression earlier, just before his brother had left to go put on his costume before the night’s show. How concerned and sorrowful it seemed. It was likely that he knew exactly what the story was behind this song, what exactly had happened to the elder to cause him to sing such an agonized melody. He remembered the short conversation he’d overheard as he’d walked away from the two of them with Ulquiorra.
“Shirosaki . . . . Are you sure you want to do this . . . ?”
“I have to . . . ya know that I do.”
“I do know . . . but . . . .”
“Don’t worry about me, love. Alright?”
“Hichi . . . .”
“Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me,”
This song was directed towards Uryuu, Ichigo was certain. Again, he didn’t know what had befallen his brother over the years, but he was certain that the black-blue-haired former Pet had a lot to do with the reason his brother was still here, still able to come out and enjoy life, and keep singing. For that, there would be no words for him to express his gratitude.
The Quincy male loved his big brother, loved him a lot, that was almost painfully apparent in his sapphire blue eyes when he spoke quietly to Hichigo about his decision to go on stage with this song. The orange haired Pet now knew why Uryuu had been apprehensive. As much as Hichigo loved singing, this was indisputably painful for him, this song was hurting him, but at the same time, it would hurt him even more to keep it inside him.
“Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me,”
He had a sneaking suspicion that Hichigo was also trying to prove a point to his master, what point exactly, he didn’t think he really wanted to know. He was well aware of how much his elder brother hated the dark-haired lord, how badly he wished he could beat him into the ground and snatch Ichigo away from him.
“Breathe your life into me!
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me!
falling, falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
Breathe into me,”
He didn’t doubt that what his brother wanted to talk to his master about had something to do with this song, and it only made him more afraid, for both his elder sibling, and the man he loved, and simultaneously hated. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen . . . but he doubted it would be good, or pleasant for either of them.
~
Ichigo had asked him, abnormally insistently, to come to this room after the concert. It was dark inside, all except the faint blue tint from the night-glow lights, but as he went in it, the overhead lights didn’t turn on automatically as they should have. The door hissed shut behind him, separating him from his Pet, who gazed at him with fearful, apologetic eyes. It was then, that Aizen realized that Ichigo had known exactly what was going to happen when leading him there. Anger flared up inside him, followed by an undercurrent of confusion.
“Now, don’t ya go blaming Ichi for this. I’m the one who asked him to bring ya here, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to tell me ‘no’.” A familiar voice murmured from somewhere behind him.
Aizen turned, only half-surprised to see Shirosaki Hichigo standing there, his eyes almost disturbingly luminous in the dark room. He hadn’t even changed out of the costume he’d just performed in. He raised an eyebrow at the pale man, “You coerced Ichigo into bringing me here? And where is my Pet now?”
“He’s with Uryuu. And yeah, I did push him into bring ya here to meet me. Ya can punish me for it, if ya like.” The white haired man offered, his smile mirthless and flat, like his voice, “Go ahead. I won’t stop ya. Beat me, rape me. I don’t even give a fuck. It can’t be any worse than what I’ve already experienced.” The smile faded away entirely, “It can’t be any worse than watching my baby brother fall to pieces right before my eyes.”
Aizen’s eyes narrowed, and he scowled at bit, “Is that what this is about? I don’t see how this matter is any of your concern. You’ve abandoned your family and your home planet. There’s nothing you can do to change anything, and I’m not about to release Ichigo. Not to you, of all people.”
“Maybe I can’t do anything about it legally, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to just sit here and watch you torture Ichigo physically and emotionally. I’m not just going to kick my feet up and watch you rip him to shreds.” The other snapped, suppressed fury flickering through his being.
Aizen opened his mouth to protest against those particular statements, but the singer jumped down his throat before he had the chance to do so.
“Ya may not be fully aware of what ya’re doing to him, but I know exactly what ya’re doing,” Hichigo said in a low, icy-cold voice, his golden eyes gleaming vividly out of the darkness, “because, once upon a time, the exact same things happened to me. I was beaten, fucked, spit on, dragged down into the depths of hell by people who only saw me as an object meant to entertain them.”
“Does that mean you were a Pet for a time?” the brown haired lord of Tanagura asked calmly, though inside, he was darkly interested, and also slightly disgusted.
“I was lower than a Pet, Aizen, I didn’t see the light of day for eight straight months, I was a captive for three years. I know people who think the Tanaguran Pet system is bad . . . they have no idea what goes on in places just below their powdered white noses.” There was a bitterness and rage in the singer’s tone as he continued speaking, a long kept ferocity and deep scars that most people never saw, that Aizen knew he’d heard voiced during the albino’s song, ‘Let Go’ and earlier tonight with ‘Breath Into Me’, “The only difference between me and Ichi now, is that Ichigo isn’t broken yet. Not completely. Not like me. They succeeded with me. They broke me apart and made sure that I could never put myself back together. And I haven’t . . . I haven’t ever been able to completely recover from what they did to me.”
One of Hichigo’s hand came up to gently grasp the Quincy cross that hung around his neck, obviously thinking of the person who gave it to him, “The only reason I can function like I do . . . is because I had a goal . . . and because I have Uryuu with me . . . if not for those two things, I would have succumbed to insanity years ago. I would have become consumed by the madness that pulled me into its embrace, and helped me escape the hell I was trapped in.”
“How did you manage to escape?” it was curiosity that made him speak now, though he was alternately wondering if it would have been better not to speak at all when he saw the expression that came across the other male’s face.
“How do ya think?” The smile creasing the albino singer’s lips was full of an unnatural darkness, and there was the faintest gleam of something uncontrollable in his gold-on-black eyes, “I slaughtered them with my bare hands. I strangled them with the chains that had bound me. I mutilated them with the blades that had scarred me. I tortured them with every. Single. Little. Thing they’d ever used to hurt me, before I finally put them out of their misery. And do ya know what, Aizen . . . ? I fucking loved it.” The soft, almost reverent timbre of the shorter male’s voice put a legitimate shiver up the dark-haired lord’s spine. “Their screams, all the blood around me, their twitching bodies gaping open and glistening red . . . all of it . . . it made me so high, higher than any drug could have ever gotten me.”
The aberrant light in Hichigo’s eyes dimmed, replaced by something darker, deeper. Staring into those eyes became akin to gazing into the eyes of porcelain doll, glassy and lifeless. “But . . . after that high wore off . . . that’s when the horror of it all came back, and hit me full force . . . I was free from their domination . . . but I would never be free of their taint in and on my body, and on my soul.”
Aizen stared at the white haired, white-skinned singer, thoughts racing through his head. The man in front of him was not only a victim of an admittedly cruel fate, but also murderer? It wasn’t that hard to imagine. Shirosaki Hichigo was known for his unpredictability, even among his fan base, though Aizen had seen something in his eyes, in his expression, that hinted towards more than just unpredictability, it spoke of something hidden deep inside, keep safe behind high walls and impregnable barriers. Something wild and uncontrollable, like a demon just waiting for someone to try and open its cage. He wondered what . . . certain people would do if they knew that the illustrious Shirosaki Hichigo was a killer.
“Before ya take yer thoughts too far . . . I received a full pardon from the Emperor for that particular event, so it won’t do ya any good to try going to him to get rid of me. He is . . . one of the very few who know anything about that case, and one of only two people who actually knows what happened to me, in detail. He’s . . . one of the people who helped me get where I am today.” Hichigo interrupted his thoughts, giving him a flat stare, as though he had been reading Aizen’s mind behind his calm, collected mask.
“The reason I hate ya so much isn’t just because ya kidnapped Ichigo from Karakura, it’s that ya know, and I know ya do, that Ichigo is in love with ya, and ya go around as if it doesn’t mean a shit. I know what it feels like to be completely broken, to feel the gaping holes in your soul that no matter what you do, will never go away, and that is something that I never, ever, in all eternity, would want Ichigo to feel. I’d rather kill him with my own two hands than let him suffer like that.”
The albino male paused, looking down at the floor, his fists clenched at his sides, an unreadable, but tortured expression on his visage, “But what do I find?” he asked harshly, “I find him cowering at yer feet while ya delight in pulling him apart, piece by piece, bit by bit. Ya love the agonizing slowness of watching him come undone in yer hands, don’t ya? I know people like ya. Ya’re no different than the people who chained me up in a dark hole for three years. Would it kill ya ta show him at least a little respect?”
“What makes him so different from ya, other than the place he was born, huh? He’s still human, mongrel or not, Pet or not. He’s-”
“He’s a Pet now. Pets are not humans. Not on Tengoku. The laws might be different on Rakunda, but Ichigo is under Tengoku laws, which means he has no rights. He is my Pet, and he will stay my Pet. Ichigo is mine.” Aizen replied darkly. Ichigo was his. That was not up for negotiation, not even with his Pet’s brother. He was just lucky that he had the Rakundan Emperor as a close friend and sponsor, otherwise, the Tanaguran lord would have had him done away with a long time ago.
The white haired man stared at him with wide gold-on-black eyes, before they narrowed dangerously, and he surged forward with a low growl, grabbing hold of Aizen’s shirt before the other could stop him. “Let me make one thing clear, Aizen.” Hichigo hissed, his hands clenching Aizen’s clothes so tightly his fists shook, “I swear, if you break Ichigo, I will come back to Tengoku, and I will kill you. Fuck the consequences. I’ll kill you in the same way I killed them. Slowly, painfully, using every technique to hurt someone I know.”
At that moment, Aizen Sousuke, the most powerful lord in Tanagura, the ruler of Tengoku, couldn’t help but feel a flash of terror run through his veins, and he believed, with every fiber of his being, that his Pet’s older brother meant every word of his threat, and would stop at nothing to act on it, should he feel the need to.