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It wasn’t want, at first. It was platonic touch and companionship. Finally, finally someone to trust in, to air out past demons to. A friend. It was friendship.
It was only after a while that it morphed into want. The selfish, vile fingers in Taako’s head twisting the comradery, the love he had, into lust pooling in his gut.
It felt so stupid, at first. To let himself start to want something that wasn’t his to take, wasn’t on the menu. But it had started and then it didn’t stop. The weakness in his knees struck suddenly and harshly, his pulse racing.
And that’s where he was at. Lying in bed with that slick pulse moving through him. He could hear him snoring from the other room. Breath that huffed from his nose, caught in his throat and came out in a hum.
The only hope he had was to ignore it. To process the sound like white noise, to fall asleep and to pretend arousal was annoyance. To turn to Merle in the morning and say, “do you think there’s a spell to stop Magnus from snoring so loud without killing him?” and to laugh along when Magnus acted offended.
But it was all so much, the hum slipping up his throat and the thought of his bruised and bloodied knuckles and thick fingers wrapped around his throat. Inside him, oh Gods, he could just imagine it.
Magnus biting at his lips and his jaw, bruising him up. The blood would rise to the surface so easily, would have already risen. His fingertips leaving bruises around his neck, hips, thighs.
Taako covered his mouth, a mewl of pleasure slipping from him. It would hurt. Just shared touch, simple things. Holding Taako still, holding him down. His willpower was only so strong, and thus--
The images started flashing through his mind like a movie, a pictogram, something fast. Always building. Magnus with his fingers inside, stroking in a come hither motion, swallowing Taako’s moans from his mouth. Holding him down, always holding him down because Taako couldn’t keep still.
He’d want to push Magnus down and sink onto him, the burning stretch and the punch of breath leaving Magnus’s lungs. Gripping his hips, coloring them deep purple. Everything, moving so fast. He would move so fast, fucking himself on him, asking for more and more because he could never get enough. Never, never, never.
Vaguely, he registers the rhythmic clench of his thighs, his own fingers shoved down his throat to stifle his want, his need. Could come just like this, he thinks. He hears the hum of Magnus’s breath and shoves his hand between his legs. Fuck it.
–
He wakes up still slick and achy. There’s a bustle in the kitchen-dining room-living room area that means that Magnus is trying to cook. He winces and closes his eyes, feeling a slow wave of shame wash over him.
He trudges out of his bedroom and sits at the table, putting his head down on his arms, twining his fingers into his hair.
From an unwelcome voice in this time of vaguely aroused turmoil comes a familiar, “are you okay, sir?”
“Yeah, Agnes. Fine. Good. Great, even.”
“Um, okay sir. You just look a little down, is all.”
Taako raises his head and gives Angus a hard look. “What’s that?”
Angus looks down at the book in his hands. “Well, it’s a book, sir.”
Taako laughs, laying his head back down. “Yeah, no shit. What about?”
Angus puts the book down on the table. The cover reads ‘Dealing With Unrequited Feelings For Dummies’.
“I thought you might need it. I know I might be overstepping some boundaries, sir, I just-” Angus stares at him.
Taako stares at the book.
“Well. That’s all, sir. I’ll see you later?”
–
Taako stashes the book under his bed and resolves to never think about it again.
–
He trudges through the rest of the day with a sinking pit in his stomach. If the kid noticed, who else did? Is it possible that Magnus…? No. He would say something. He’s forward like that, isn’t he?
He would say something stupid like, “I really care about you, Taako, just not in that way.”
And Taako would say, “No problemo, my man! It’s all good!”
And then he’d go drown himself in the Voidfish’s tank.
–
That night, he hears a tentative knock at his bedroom door.
He says, “come in,” and then immediately regrets it.
Magnus pops his head in and smiles, holding a tub of ice cream. “Movie night?”
Taako feels all the color leave his face. “Uh-huh.”
–
Then, they’re both sitting on Taako’s bed. The bed where he’s had countless illicit fantasies about Magnus, the bed that has a copy of ‘Dealing With Unrequited Feelings For Idiots’ under it. And they watch a movie.
The thing is, they’ve done this time and time again and it’s never been quite this tense. Which makes Taako think there’s more to this than just movie night. Which makes it tenser.
The end credits roll and they sit in silence before Magnus says, “so…”
And Taako panics.
He springs from the bed and begins pacing. “Y'know, I’m real tired, Mango. Exhausted. Could pass out right now. So maybe we could talk tomorrow!” He flings his door open and it slams against the foot of his bed and then slams shut again.
Magnus stares at him. “Taako, sit down.”
Taako closes his eyes and sits down on the floor.
“Okay. Um. I don’t want this to be weird,”
Taako continues panicking.
“Because I could just be assuming things.”
Taako’s panicking falters.
“What?”
Magnus sighs. “It’s just, you make a lot of noise at night and it could just be wishful thinking but-”
Taako’s stomach drops.
“You’ve said my name a couple times, and I was just wondering if-”
Taako feels like he may black out.
“You’re… interested in me?”
There’s a moment of complete silence before Taako bursts into hysterical laughter. Magnus goes white and then red within seconds.
“No!” Taako exclaims. “No, I just-” He can’t stop laughing, can’t catch his breath. Can’t make sense of what’s going on. “No. You’re golden, Mags. You’re good. You’re. Great.” He’s still laughing.
Magnus cocks an eyebrow, still looking vaguely anxious.
“I want you,” Taako concludes. “Real bad.”
And the room seems to melt, at that.
–
They don’t kiss, at first. They touch, frantically. Taako whispers, “Okay, big guy,” and starts a slow grind. Something so soft but thick with heat. Something wet and excruciating.
And it’s like he imagined. The press of Magnus’s fingers into him, curling and moving and he doesn’t want to be crass in this moment, this gorgeous moment, but Magnus says,
“Fuck, you’re wet.”
And Taako replies with a terrifying noise that builds up in his chest and arguably could be sourced from between his legs with the way he shivers, starting from his toes and travelling all throughout him.
And then, embarrassingly, he chokes out, “fuck me,” high pitched and whiny and not at all sexy like how he’s sure his mouth intended it.
But Magnus grunts and grabs him and does that. Boy, does he do that.
“You’re-” Magnus starts.
He’s sloppy. There’s a slick noise coming from between them with every movement and he’s sure Magnus wants to say something about it, something filthy. But he doesn’t. He bites his lip and something about that is even worse.
“I wanted you-” Taako huffs out. “All day, bubbale. Was so wet, all day.”
Magnus hitches his legs further up and fucks him deeper, the sound of them together so loud, so disgusting. Taako curls his toes, arches his spine, pulls Magnus in with tooth and nail and comes.
He screams something unintelligible, pulsing and begging, pathetically, for Magnus to come inside him.
Magnus bites down on his shoulder, hard enough to break skin, and lets out all the air in his lungs. Taako breathes it in. Presses his mouth, hard, against his.
They are one working organism, for a split second.
Magnus huffs and pulls out, spreading Taako’s legs and pushing his come back inside with a decidedly unsexy wet noise.
“Gross,” Taako says, but his skin tingles with the same arousal he’s felt all day.
“Mm,” Magnus agrees, still pushing it in in small movements. Then he bends down to lick him up and well, that’s it for Taako.
–
Taako presses his face into the damp heat of the crook of Magnus’s neck.
“You could’ve just told me,” Magnus says.
“We’re friends, sweetheart. Friends typically don’t tell each other they want them to fuck them.”
Magnus chuckles. “Sure they do.”
Taako rolls his eyes. “If you say so.”
–
In the morning, Taako wakes to the ‘Idiot’s Guide to Casual Sex’ outside his door and resolves to have The Director explain personal space to Angus.
He’s far too busy.