Archive of Our Own

The air inside the platoon leader’s office sat heavy against Sieun’s skin, warm enough to make his collar feel too tight. August was behind them, yet the transitional nature of September didn’t cease its uncomfortable heat.

His superior had two fans: one was on the ceiling, heavy and old, while the other was a small floor fan but it still made it hard to breathe. The windows were wide open with the wooden, Venetian blinds letting in some sunlight. 

Sieun’s posture was perfectly aligned with the chair, almost mirroring Na Baekjin. He was quite a young Lieutenant, only four years older than Sieun, and quite similar to him.

Na Baekjin had sighed when Sieun and his dong-gi Ahn Suho had saluted him, then sat in the chairs facing his desk. They had been called for a specific reason. He just wasn’t sure why.

Though Sieun just knew he wouldn’t be too happy about it. 

“Yeon Il-byeong, Ahn Il-byeong.” Baekjin gazed at them intently, a little glint in his eyes. Sieun thought it might’ve been amusement hidden behind his serious exterior. “This won’t take too long, I don’t want to waste your time.”

It kind of felt like he was saying I don’t want you two to waste my time, but Sieun nodded, politely. Suho sat in a far more laid-back manner beside him, nodding as well. Sieun ignored the urge to roll his eyes at the other man.

“Your peers have given me some feedback on your, how should I put it,” Baekjin looked up to the left before settling back on the two of them. “Idiosyncrasies. Specifically when doing night watch.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sieun noticed Suho’s eyebrows twitch.

“That means—” Sieun began to speak, but felt Suho softly pinching his arm, interrupting him.

“Yah!” Sieun muttered, sending a death glare at Suho, who stuck his tongue out at him.

“I know what that word means, bookworm.” Suho narrowed his eyes. “Or did you forget I’m still your hyung? He’s saying we’re both so unbearable no one wants to do night watch duty with us.”

Sieun couldn’t believe Suho’s cockiness winning even in front of their superior. 

“You’re just a year older than me,” Sieun scoffed.

“Didn’t you mistake me for a platoon leader? You said I looked way older than I am.” The corner of Suho’s mouth lifted up, a playful smirk.

That annoying, fox-looking guy was getting on Sieun’s nerves.

“Yeah that was before you opened your mouth and whined about how bad the cafeteria food is,” Sieun mumbled, almost forgetting where they were. “Then I realized you’re basically a kid with good athletic skills.” 

Baekjin just stared between them like a tired parent, closing his eyes for a second before blinking again. He coughed loudly, which snapped their attention to him. 

“I’ll pretend this… conversation didn’t happen in front of your superior,” Baekjin emphasised the word as he stared Suho down, who looked more apologetic than when talking to Sieun. Whatever, Sieun thought. 

“As I was saying, your peers can’t deal with certain things. Ahn Il-byeong is right about one thing and that is how some soldiers have said you guys are difficult to deal with.”

Sieun was in disbelief. Well, Suho being unbearable or irritating enough for someone to complain to Baekjin wasn’t surprising, but him? Sieun tried his hardest in everything he did.

He hated military service and all the mental and physical exertion it took out of him, but he forced himself to train and become stronger. He followed every rule and order perfectly.

“Yeon Il-byeong, I can see why you’d question how you’re not a good partner for night shifts. You are both great soldiers and have been of much help to other dong-gis, but one thing is true, you are a bit difficult. If you’ll allow me some informalities… Sieun, I’ve been told you correct your peers and waste time explaining how to do the tasks instead of doing them. Also they mentioned how you can be a bit intense sometimes. I’m not sure what that means.”

Oh, okay. Perhaps Sieun was a bit of a try-hard with a bad temper, but why didn’t they just talk to him? Bunch of cowards. Suho tried to hide his smile, amused, which made Baekjin’s eyebrow raise.

“Suho, you either end up falling asleep or chatting with soldiers at the barracks. May I remind you night shifts are important for not only the safety of the sleeping areas, but also monitoring possible dangerous situations. Get your shit together, boys.”

Sieun and Suho winced at the scolding even if it was far softer than they expected. 

“You are both set to do night shifts together, especially the long ones. I hope you work out your differences and become a team, since you are both well-mannered and talented young men. I’m hoping to see a change soon. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sodaejang-nim.” Sieun straightened his back, saluting.

“Of course, we’ll try our best, Sodaejang-nim.” Suho smiled before saluting.

Baekjin gave them a nod and told them to leave his office as he had other matters to attend to. When the door closed behind them, Sieun was turning to his right, already going to the barracks as his first instinct, used to the military daily tasks. He was set to clean the bathroom and showers with Beomseok and Juntae, then do inventory checks. 

The hallway was empty, the area where superiors worked always eerily quiet and peaceful. Sieun was mentally checking what spots of his cleaning duty he would start with when something stopped him in his tricks, or rather someone. 

Suho’s fingers wrapped around Sieun’s wrist, grazing the edge of his bone, pulling him toward him in a gentle tug. Though Sieun stumbled from the sudden movement, Suho steadied him with a solid grip as he towered over Sieun. 

Sieun swallowed, a light pink dusting his cheeks, gaze dropping to Suho’s pouty mouth. He couldn’t help but stare. Suho was all broad shoulders and long limbs, strong but lean. 

What stood out the most wasn’t just his physical attributes. It was the playful glint in his soft eyes and the smile that followed. Sometimes cocky enough to annoy him, sometimes soft enough to confuse him completely.

Like what if Sieun would just let himself joke around a bit more with Suho, would that get them closer to what lieutenant Baekjin had asked them to? If that were to happen would it be so bad? It wasn’t like he hated Suho, he was just…

Too tall, good at sports, witty, had faster reflexes than Sieun, did good at both physical and administrative tasks (even if the latter were boring).

How unfairly gorgeous Suho was after training, sweat pooling down his biceps and toned stomach as he used his t-shirt to dry himself or how stupidly cute he looked after waking up, blinking slowly as he rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, yawning the way a kitten would. 

Not that Sieun noticed him at all, no. Either way, it left something warm and unfamiliar settling in Sieun’s chest. 

“What is it?” Sieun asked with forced annoyance, perhaps it would drown his weird thoughts.

Suho’s eyes seemed curious, smiling a little before he replied.

“Sieun-ah, you should loosen up a bit.”

What felt like a long pause was actually an immediate reaction. Sieun narrowed his eyes, long lashes casting shadows. He forgot about Suho’s hand still holding on to him, the touch warm yet not suffocating, unlike the heat around them.

“You should mind your business.” Sieun’s reply felt quite lame, but he didn’t know what else to say. “Don’t remember asking for advice.”

“Riight, but even our peers think you should chill out,” Suho hummed, unconvinced, that stupid curve still sitting on his mouth. “I could help you with that, hm?”

Sieun’s eyes fluttered shut before he sighed, then he opened them again, all sharp and shining with annoyance. And something too close to attraction, beneath it all.

Suho didn’t seem remotely intimidated. If anything, he looked entertained. His thumb was still resting against Sieun’s wrist like it had always belonged there.

“How would you help me, hyung?” Sieun asked with sarcasm.

Suho smirked again, pinching the inner skin of Sieun’s wrist before soothing the spot which got dark pink. His breath didn’t hitch, at all, by the way. 

“I like the sound of that, actually.” Suho teased him. “Call me that again and I might stop annoying you.”

Sieun’s jaw tightened. “Do you never get tired?”

“Maybe if you weren’t so fun to tease.”

Suho shifted closer, fingers tightening just enough around Sieun’s wrist to make him notice before easing off. The touch had been absentmindedly like Suho was testing whether Sieun would stop him or not. 

Sieun pressed his lips into a thin line. “Right, well. I have things to do, if you’ll excuse me...”

Suho loosened his hold on Sieun so gradually that the loss of his touch lingered. It was irritating how aware he was of Suho's every movement.

The smallest shifts in his expression, the slightest change in his mood. Sieun had always been observant. It was what made him a good student, a good soldier, a good friend.

That was all it was. Nothing else.

Sieun adjusted his sleeve immediately as if it would erase the warm feeling of Suho’s hand. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Sieun muttered to himself.

Suho let out a small chuckle under his breath, stepping back with a smug expression. “Am I?” Suho questioned, taunting him.

Now it all made sense why his peers avoided taking night watch with Ahn Suho. The guy was exasperating and unfairly charming. Suho was a peculiar contradiction. He had an effortless way of drawing people in, despite the fact that no one really knew him on a deeper level.

Sieun should’ve walked away then. He had many tasks to go through; if anything it was very irresponsible of him to waste his time chatting away.

But Sieun didn’t. In fact, his feet stayed planted a second too long in the hallway, watching Suho as if waiting for him to say something else.

Suho leaned in, taking another step until Sieun's back met the wall behind him. He tried to preserve what little distance remained between them, clinging to the last boundary he'd managed to keep, but Suho was provoking him. 

Sieun had to raise his head to lock eyes with Suho, the height difference both aggravating and making his knees weaken. The weather was disgustingly hot, a few drops of sweat sliding down Sieun’s back, as he watched Suho’s chest rise and fall. His army green shirt clung to him, the outline of his abs faintly visible beneath the fabric. 

Sieun was getting a little dizzy. 

“So,” Suho’s smile tilted slightly to the right with a softer edge. “See you tonight for our little date.”

“Night watch duty,” Sieun corrected.

“Mhm, yeah.” Suho agreed easily despite the tiny glint of amusement in his eyes. “Same thing.”

“But it’s not.” Sieun raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

“I’m a romantic man, what can I say,” Suho sighed dramatically. 

Against his better judgment, the corner of Sieun's mouth twitched. Of course Suho noticed.

“Let’s just go.” Sieun muttered a swear word under his breath, walking toward the exit door.

For some reason, Sieun knew Suho would follow him the way a wandering puppy would, trailing a step behind. They descended three flights of stairs, their heavy boots echoing against the metal steps.

Suho's taller frame loomed over Sieun, their shadows merging into a single shape. Sieun took a deep breath once they stepped outside, squinting against the blinding sunlight. The heat was suffocating. Suho fell into step beside him, their shoulders brushing. 

“Yah, are you bored or something? Don’t you do your plan for the week like every other soldier?” Sieun turned around with a questioning look and crossed arms, though his voice lacked real bite.

Suho straightened his posture, first surprised at Sieun facing him so suddenly. But then he rolled his shoulders back, unbothered as always, like nothing in the world could actually inconvenience him.

“You’re too uptight, Sieun-ah. I have so much to teach you.” Suho tsked.

Sieun shook his head as he let out a small, unwilling laugh. “And you’re really bad at getting a hint.”

Suho’s eyes lit up immediately. “See? To become a team we must work together, bookworm. I’m telling you this will be fun.”

That earned him a proper glare. Suho laughed as though it had been the reaction he'd expected all along. Sieun quickened his pace, putting more distance between them might steady his thoughts.  

This time, Sieun reached the barracks first. Before disappearing inside, he glanced back at Suho, only to find him already watching. Suho tilted his head slightly, expressing a curious, almost puppy-like mannerism that never quite matched how easily he got under Sieun’s skin.

“Let’s continue with our day like nothing happened.” Sieun said, sighing. “Just remember to be punctual tonight, take a power nap if needed. I’m off, then.” 

Just when Sieun turned to the other way, Suho stepped in front of him, hands behind his back and a little smile on his stupidly handsome face. 

“Before you go,” Suho interrupted. “I wanted to say I’m glad they paired us together. I mean, we’ll finally get some alone time since you’re always avoiding me.”

Sieun froze for half a second, chest twisting with something close to guilt. What did he mean by that? Sieun hadn’t avoided him, had he? It wasn’t like they spent time together. They weren’t friends. 

And even if they were, why did it matter whether Sieun had avoided him or not? They weren’t children forced to be best friends just because their superiors asked them to become a “team”. Whatever that meant.

Still, the thought of Suho mistaking Sieun’s reserved nature for avoidance lingered in his mind. 

“I don’t avoid people,” Sieun said carefully. “Much less someone who hasn’t wronged me. Our shifts just didn’t overlap with each other. That’s all, hyung.”

Suho’s domineering but gentle temperament had instantly softened. That might’ve been the closest they ever got to a real conversation instead of bickering. 

“Oh, well I was teasing you, really.” Suho laughed shyly. “Bet you’re happy you didn’t see me that often, though?”

“Not really. I do think you’re a good soldier to have around, especially when a task is hard or we need someone to lighten up the mood when training.”

Sieun’s admission wasn’t meant to sound reassuring, but it made Suho falter for a second. A faint flush crept up to his ears and cheekbones, subtle but unmistakable. 

It made Sieun feel better, to see how a gentle unnamable feeling broke through an otherwise sharp face. A flustered reaction Suho hadn’t quite learned how to hide, at least not to Sieun’s attentive eyes.

Before Suho had time to reply, Sieun spoke again.

“Don’t worry,” Sieun’s voice deepened, feeling a little awkward as he scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll try not to give you a hard time when we get paired”

“We’ll make it work, Sieun-ah.” Suho swallowed, wetting his bottom lip. “I’ll be on my best behaviour. For our date, I mean.”

Sieun’s eyes widened slightly. He was just relentless in annoying Sieun.

“It’s night watch duty!” Sieun looked away, face burning up. The weather was really getting to him. “Stop fucking around and take this seriously.”

“For such a cute guy you sure have a foul mouth, Sieun-ah. We’ll see how our date goes.” Suho snickered. 

Sieun narrowed his eyes and tried to playfully kick Suho in the shin but he jumped back immediately, laughing as he dodged Sieun like he’d been waiting for it.

“I’ll be good!” Suho whined, still laughing. “Rest up before tonight, soldier. Night shifts can be hard on our bodies.”

He turned then with that warm smile of his, still looking entirely too pleased with himself and walked off toward his side of the barracks. Sieun stayed where he was for a second longer than necessary. The hall was… so empty again without their bantering, Suho’s presence so noticeable that his absence just felt odd. 

Which didn’t make any sense, Sieun wasn’t close enough to miss Suho. In fact he didn’t miss him at all. Sieun was glad he was on his own, silence filling him up with a peaceful embrace.

But even Sieun couldn’t pretend he didn’t get lonely as soon as Suho left. 

Autumn was still far away, the September air holding on to Summer’s heat. He exhaled through his nose as he adjusted his long sleeve jacket, unbuttoning it until he took it off. 

Sieun wondered what would happen that night, how things would go, whether he would make a good team with Suho or it would end terribly for everyone involved.

Only time could tell, Sieun thought.

***

Inside a small compartment in the electrical closet, an automated system was set to kill the lights at 22:00. That was the quietest it got around the barracks.

Not a single soul spoke. Everybody was exhausted from training and the harsh military conditions. Sieun enjoyed the morning silence instead, finding the darkness that embraced him each night suffocating. 

He missed home. A term that carried the warmth of loving parents, fingers softly dragging through hair, the smell of vanilla scented candles slowly melting around him. But he had no exact measurement for what home was to him. It was quite the obvious case of lonely child syndrome. 

No birthday parties, no actual friends made at school, no social life beyond the oppressive walls of his bedroom. Sieun was too intelligent for that sort of social setting, is what his mother kept telling him back then. 

When soldiers were allowed phone time, he would put on his mom’s teaching lessons, eyes fluttering shut as her voice faded into the background. There wasn’t really a home he would be back to after serving his country, but perhaps he could imagine one.

Sieun dreaded night watch duties for one single reason: he wasn’t good at conversation. It was probably why his peers didn’t want to be partnered up with him. Beside Sieun’s seriousness which was offputting to some, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was just no connection to be had with him. 

Like a half-bitten string that would always protrude from the depths of his being, albeit the ease in which people’s strings could tie to each other. He just didn’t have that trait.

Sieun had no expectations for his first night watch with Suho. He was a soldier doing what he was told to, paired with another “troubling” peer.

How they thought Sieun would be a good fit for the job was a question no one could answer him. Handling Ahn Suho on his own would be far harder than studying for his University entrance exams. A sleepyhead athlete with MMA skills and Sieun, an academic prodigy with poor social skills.

Whoever suggested Na Baekjin that Sieun and Suho could improve together might have been a bit right. Not completely what Sieun had expected. 

Their night had started easy. It was a four hour shift, not the longest since it wasn’t necessary that day. They would mostly walk around the barracks and check the feeble points of the buildings, on top of securing  the large patio. 

Suho reminded Sieun of making sure the perimeters near the gate and fence were covered. As long as Suho didn’t tease Sieun and deter their conversation into friendly territory, their dynamic could remain peaceful.

But Sieun… Well, he didn’t mind, to be honest. He had grown up without friends, always in his own world. Studying had become routine and his military schedules were kind of the same thing. Tedious tasks he’d memorized. It wasn’t interesting at all. Once the physically taxing training was done, they could breathe a little.

“Back to earth, Sieun?” Suho’s deep voice had stumbled around the small office they were sitting in. 

It wasn’t cramped but for some reason, Sieun and Suho had ended up sitting way too close. Knees brushing under the large table, computers and cameras blinking in shades of light green, black, and white. The screens glowed around them in a soft embrace of intimacy.

“Huh?” Sieun had blinked a few times, adjusting to the present.

The shift had started fine, then became a little tense when Sieun had criticized Suho for nearly falling asleep on duty. That had been half an hour ago, Suho brushed him off with some lazy sarcasm, then began whining about how bad the food at the cafeteria was. In between that and now, Sieun would say Suho was kind of surprisingly nice. 

He knew when to tease Sieun, how their banter could go from friendly to actual annoyance real quick, and for some reason Suho respected that specific boundary.

It reminded Sieun of tightrope walking, the soldier beside him was a professional at it, never blurring any lines or falling into the abyss of Sieun’s anger.

But he did play too much. Sieun saw it in Suho’s careful eyes, glancing at him every so often. Suho seemed interested in Sieun but he didn’t know why.

He wanted his attention, the way an energetic kitten would attach himself to the only person in a room who didn’t like cats.

That seemed to be Suho’s dynamic with him, although he looked more like a fox-puppy, if Sieun was to assign him an animal. He just had a wide smile and soft eyes that could melt anyone.

“Is our date that boring?” Suho tilted his head, fingers tapping on the table softly without actually making any noise.

The cameras seemed so stagnant, nothing moved, not even a fly coming close to them. So Sieun allowed himself this breach of his own rules, to have a conversation with his fellow dong-gi, once again not understanding how Suho managed that on their first night.

“You sound like such a player, hyung.” Sieun sighed, dry lips parting for a second as his eyes narrowed on a little dot on the screen. Hm, a dead pixel.

“Me?” Suho raised his eyebrows so high it was comical. “Ah, you really don’t know me.”

Sieun turned his head toward him.

“Is that so? I bet you have at least one girl waiting for you to finish your service.” Sieun chuckled, shaking his head as he crossed his arms.

There was a sudden silence that filled the tension between them. Sieun thought maybe he had overstepped, it was so unlike him, though? Having futile, banal conversations with another soldier, another boy around his age. 

Girlfriends weren’t his thing, not interested beyond how he usually got along better with girls, for some reason. They were less… rough and judgemental toward him compared to men. He just wasn’t very much attracted to romance or anything related to that.

Sieun knew why, but it wasn’t important, just another reason why he would never fit in.

“I don’t… I’ve never, uh.” Suho scratched his eyebrow in a nervous tic. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

So that was quite the surprise. Sieun thought Suho would be one of those guys who had many flings, at least one first love, maybe when he was younger. 

“What?” Sieun whipped his head toward Suho.

“Okay, rude.” Suho chuckled, pushing his body against the chair, wheels turning toward Sieun. They were kind of ignoring the cameras now, though Sieun glanced at them from time to time.

“Sorry.” Sieun’s face felt warm, ears pink. “Uh, didn’t mean to pry.”

“Do you really think of me like that? A player?” Suho pressed again.

“I don’t know you, can’t really say but you seem the type.” Sieun looked him up and down. “You’re athletic, a sweet-talker, and funny. If I was a girl, I mean, uh. I’d think that.” Sieun frowned, wetting his lower lip. 

That seemed to have an effect on Suho. He puffed his chest in defense as he flushed deep red, but it honestly just accentuated his physical form, broad shoulders and defined arms squeezed tight by the military uniform.

Sieun swallowed, taking a pen and some paper from the side to write down notes for what he had to do tomorrow morning. It calmed him down.

“No, no, don’t ignore me now. The convo is getting interesting,” Suho smiled, lightly tapping Sieun on the leg before squeezing his thigh for a second too long. “Keep complementing me, Sieun-ah. Maybe you’re the actual flirt.”

“What?!” Sieun huffed in surprise. “Definitely not me.”

“You know, it’s always the quiet ones.” Suho laughed, fingers inching closer toward Sieun’s notebook.

His hands were bigger than Sieun’s. Suho was pale, had really slender fingers, good for playing piano. Pretty bone wrist, some scars around his knuckles.

Even though he was the definition of boyish features, he could come off delicate in a soft fashion, more so than Sieun thought at first. 

Suho had a buzzcut, sharp cheekbones and jawline. He loomed over most guys, tall and slender, but he was also wide. If Sieun was to stand behind him, no one would notice Sieun or see him. Completely hidden away by Suho.

Yet Suho’s demeanor was manageable, Sieun could boss him around, if he wanted. It was exhilarating, that strange thought popping in his head, but he had to ignore it. Yeon Sieun don’t go that route, not with Ahn Suho. 

“Wanna know what I think?” Suho said as an afterthought.

Sieun was slightly relieved to hear Suho talk as it helped him not focus on the image of tall, big Suho manhandling him.

Sieun pretended to sigh in defeat. “No, but you’ll tell me anyway.”

Suho smirked.

“You don’t have any experience, do you? Because I’m not a player.” Suho looked down at his hands, interlocking his fingers over his crotch, fully manspreading, as Sieun could feel the heat through his clothes. On purpose. This fucker, Sieun thought. “What about you? Maybe you’re the one with a girl outside waiting for you. Is that it?”

A laugh escaped Sieun’s lips, so loud it even surprised him. Suho’s eyes widened, smile spreading, as if he was enjoying some sort of theater play and Sieun was the main lead doing something he didn’t expect.

“What is it?” Suho chuckled.

“You’re so wrong, it’s just funny.” 

“Well, so are you but I didn’t laugh this hard.” 

Sieun took a deep breath, rolling his eyes fondly. When did he become so friendly with Suho? First night watch, mind you. But that’s how Suho would get right under your skin without noticing, easy and kind but a little witty. Sharp in a way Sieun liked.

They connected, is the thing, and Sieun wasn’t fully on board but he wasn’t against this new development, “I’ve never had a best friend, much less a partner.” Sieun settled on saying.

Suho’s expression flinched and it had been such a small, unnoticeable movement that anyone might’ve missed it. But not Sieun, he had Suho’s mannerisms memorized. He looked a bit sad before forcing a smile. 

“You grew up lonely?” 

“Pretty much, yeah. Might sound weird to you,” Sieun mumbled. 

Suho took a second to answer.

“Hm, another wrong assumption. No girlfriends, no first kisses, no nothing. And I grew up a loner, too. Wow Sieun-ah, this date is going well, don’t you think?” Suho smiled. “Never judge a book by its cover.”

Sieun’s chest filled with something akin to understanding. Not a mirror to his own self, but recognition. I see you, you see me. 

“This isn’t a date. And I just didn’t take you to be the shy type, at all.”

“I’m not shy, baby.” Suho placed a hand on the table, not crowding Sieun in, but enough for it to be quite the forward move. “I spent my adolescence working a lot for my grandma, since I take care of her. Didn’t have time to study, I mostly slept through classes, then had lots of part-time jobs. I learnt to hustle and survive, but not date around much.”

Sieun ignored the pet name, despite the nervous itch to yank Suho forward and tell him to stop saying things like that. Because it gave him butterflies, he’d rather starve now before they became a real symptom.

“Your grandmother raised you?”

“Mhm.” Suho nodded. “Since I was little.”

For once, there was no teasing attached to his answer.

The following silence felt different from the others. Not awkward, but rather thoughtful.

Sieun glanced toward the security monitors, watching empty hallways and sleeping barracks flicker across the screens.

“That must've been difficult.”

Suho shrugged, but the movement lacked its usual confidence.

“It was fine.” A pause. “Well. Not really, but it worked out.”

That answer sounded familiar. It was the kind of answer people gave when they didn't want to unpack ten years of loneliness at two in the morning. Sieun understood it immediately.

“You miss her.”

Suho smiled faintly.

“Yeah.”

The admission came so easily that it surprised them both.

“I call her whenever we're allowed our phones.” Suho leaned back in his chair. “She worries too much, telling me how I'm starving in here or not dressing properly for the weather.”

“You are definitely not starving here.” Sieun said in a teasing manner.

No matter how much Suho complained about the food, Sieun had seen him eat double the amount especially after training. It made sense, though, Suho was stronger than most and needed extra energy. What Sieun didn’t get is how he was so lean despite it all.

“Okay, yeah… you’re right about that.”

Sieun snorted before he could stop himself.

Suho pointed dramatically, smiling. “There it is.”

“What?”

“The funny version of Yeon Sieun.”

“Doesn't exist.” 

“Liar.” Suho chuckled.

Their knees knocked together beneath the table.

Neither moved away.

Outside, the wind rattled softly against the barracks, the eerie feeling of loneliness and isolation easing up the longer Sieun spent time with Suho.

The cameras continued showing absolutely nothing. How dreadful, but also good for them. He’d rather not involve himself in a dangerous situation, much less their first shift doing night watch.

“Still can't believe you've never dated anyone,” Sieun muttered after a while.

Suho groaned immediately.

“Why are we back on this?”

“Because it's not what I expected, I guess?” Sieun pursed his lips in thought.

“Why?” Suho wondered, genuinely confused.

Sieun looked at him for a long second. The answer felt so obvious that explaining it almost seemed embarrassing.

“Look at yourself.” Sieun said. 

Suho blinked. “What does that mean?”

“You know exactly what it means.”

“No, I don't.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I really don't.” Suho’s mouth twitched, amused. 

Sieun groaned, dropping his pen onto the desk.

“You're very attractive, okay?”

The words escaped before he could stop them from formulating an embarrassing truth. Sieun immediately regretted it, not because it wasn’t what he felt like but because Suho was now staring at him like he’d grown two heads.

The security monitors hummed around them, green lights blinking in unison, a whisper of cacophonies. Empty hallways remained void of movement. Yet all Sieun could focus on was the soldier sitting far too close beside him.

Suho's ears turned pink first. Then his cheeks. Then the bridge of his nose. Sieun wasn’t used to that, where was the cocky jerk he thought Suho was based on his attitude while training?

But he liked this real Suho more. Sieun felt proud of making the Ahn Suho blush. It gave him a strange thrill, like discovering a hidden treasure and keeping it a secret from the world. 

Ahn Suho got flustered from a compliment.

“Oh, uhm,” Suho mumbled incoherently. 

Sieun narrowed his eyes. “Oh?”

“Oh,” Suho said again with a hard swallow. 

“That’s your response?” Sieun asked, incredulous. “Are you pretending to be shy or are you just speechless?”

Suho covered his mouth with one hand, looking almost offended by his own embarrassment. 

Perhaps he always got told how handsome he is, but Sieun’s acknowledgement of it was different from others.

“I wasn't expecting that.” Suho muttered. 

“Well, you asked.”

“I thought you'd insult me, though. Like you always do,” Suho said.

“Well, maybe I should've.” Sieun glanced at him, mirthfully. 

“You already do that for free,” Suho complained.

A wholehearted laugh slipped from Sieun’s lips. Suho immediately pointed at him, eyes widening like a cartoon. 

“What?” Sieun said frowning. 

“That laugh.”

“What about it?”

“I've never heard it before.” Suho smiled. 

Sieun rolled his eyes.

“You're acting like you discovered a new species.”

“Maybe I did,” Suho cheered. “I’ll call it happy Sieunnie. You can make up a latin title for it.” 

For some reason, that made Sieun look away first. The sincerity felt far more dangerous than the teasing ever did.

“You really are a strange person, Ahn Suho.”

Suho’s eyebrows pulled down in mock offense. The atmosphere quieted down until Suho finally said what seemed to have been circling in his mind for a while. 

“Fine,” Suho muttered eventually. “You're attractive too. Just so you know.”

Sieun nearly dropped his notebook. 

“You don’t have to compliment me back. I just thought you’d have way more experience than anyone here.” 

“But I’m being serious.” Suho shifted in his chair, knees knocking lightly against Sieun's under the table. A reminder of his presence, as if he didn’t have Sieun’s full attention. Neither moved away. “Don’t act surprised, half the barracks think you're pretty.”

Sieun’s gaze widened.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means you're pretty,” Suho said again.

“That explanation was useless.”

Suho laughed.

“You've got huge eyes. Soft hair. Long eyelashes.” His gaze flickered over Sieun's face for a second. “You look way too delicate to be here, but something about you tells me you are a little crazy, like me. Despite your pretty features, you have a strong body and fast reflexes.”

The warmth that spread through Sieun's neck was immediate and deeply annoying.

“I'm literally in the military, delicate my ass…”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you’re not very pretty.” Suho smirked. “I can’t be the first to tell you that.”

“You sound ridiculous.” Sieun crossed his arms, blushing.

“Well it’s true! Just ask the other guys, but actually don’t do it, I might get jealous.” Suho advised with a teasing smile.

Sieun pinched the bridge of his nose. Talking to Suho felt like arguing with a brick wall that smirked back.

“Let's never discuss this again,” Sieun stated. 

“Sure thing, boss.” 

The silence lasted exactly four seconds.

“Still a virgin, though. Both of us, I mean.”

Sieun immediately smacked Suho's arm.

“Yah.” Sieun’s voice was dangerous, eyes narrowed and frowning.

“Ow!” Suho rubbed his arm with a pout.

“What is wrong with you?” Sieun mumbled.

“It's a valid observation. Also a bit of an assumption, but since we didn’t have friends…” Suho trailed off. “Virgins can be hot people.” 

“It's our first night watch! I knew you’d be impossible.” Sieun hid his face between his arms.

Suho folded forward laughing. His chair rolled backward a few inches.

“You really are strong, by the way.” Suho rubbed the spot Sieun had left red.

“I should've hit you harder. Since everyone thinks I’m delicate and pretty,” Sieun grumbled. 

“Hey, being pretty doesn’t mean you’re weak. Just means you look great while kicking ass.”

The grin never left Suho's face. Somehow, neither did the warmth in Sieun's chest. 

***

A few weeks went by and their conversations had moved to dangerous territory. Suho would say something outrageous, Sieun would threaten him even if he was laughing, and Suho of course had to point it out. Because to him there was nothing more interesting than seeing a carefree side of Yeon Sieun. 

Somewhere between patrol routes, security cameras that blinked through quiet nights, and endless walks around the perimeter fence, the spaces between those conversations began filling with other things. 

The bantering and joking didn’t lessen, but instead deepened with each conversation. A layer of mutual curiosity, another of chemistry, tension, and friendliness. 

They shared facts from their life outside the military, both positive and negative. Sieun told Suho about the sleepless nights as he studied long hours at the library. How Suho would shower every night before bed even if he was exhausted from his part-time jobs.

Small mentions of their families. A few sad stories on how lonely they both grew up. But also silly questions like what color did Sieun prefer or which was Suho’s comfort food. 

That night-watch shift, Sieun had told him about his drive to become an astronomer, having gotten his degree already and focusing on his doctorate. 

Suho was incredibly amazed by it, muttering muffled wows and gasps as he munched away on a bag of choco pies, which he’d offered Sieun. 

Soldiers were advised to stay awake whichever way they could. Sieun downed coffee cups and energy drinks, depending on the length of their night watches. 

“What about you, hyung?” Sieun tasted the last remnants inside his papercup, warm coffee still burning a river of sweetness down his throat. “Did you go to university?”

They stood outside now, the cold seeping deep into their bones, raising goosebumps across their skin. Sieun had always been good at enduring harsh weather.

He'd grown up in a small seaside town, spending winters outdoors, playing in the snow. Sieun loved tracing patterns across frozen puddles with a wooden stick after rainy days. 

Back when his classmates would sometimes sneak up beside him and poke him in the ribs with a gentle hand, making it so Sieun would ruin whatever careful design he'd been drawing. 

Sieun would always frown and stomp on their shoes before they started chasing each other, children’s laughter echoing softly like a hazy photograph. 

But Sieun noticed Suho hated the cold. His body was always warm, he sought out the warmest place he could find.

It was adorable, the way he tried to hide his chattering teeth–double layered military uniform underneath the gear. He loved all seasons, which is what Suho told him. Sieun knew better, though.

Military environment was hard, even for a strong guy who had great skills for survival, like Suho. Stood outside with Sieun, while everybody else slept, Suho ate snacks to stay awake and not rest his head on Sieun’s shoulder, eyelids heavy and heart wishing for some warmth.

“I’ve always worked,” Suho replied after a while. “I started around high-school, I did my best to help haelmoni after my parents passed away. Didn’t do bad at school, but well. I don’t know.”

Silence in the military base was oftentimes strange. Outside, the noise of higher-up superiors walking around, their boots digging hard into the earth.

Sieun and Suho’s breathing patterns at different paces could be heard. Suho was faster, chasing and running for it whilst Sieun could only take slow intakes, feeling the moment or dissociating through it.

“You haven’t found your thing?” Sieun guessed for Suho. 

Suho swallowed a lump of unsaid thoughts. “Maybe. I didn’t look much, to be honest. I’m not smart enough.”

Sieun wanted to tap inside that stubborn mind of his. They were similar in the oddest ways. 

“You are smart, Suho-yah... Do you regret not exploring more before your service?” Sieun tilted his body closer to Suho, subtly giving him the green light to support himself on Sieun.

Suho took every ounce of Sieun’s affection and basked in it. He dropped his hands closer to Sieun’s, now standing shoulder to shoulder as they watched the vast emptiness in front of them. Suho brushed Sieun’s palm. His heart sped up.

There were nothing but trees, little creatures curiously peeking from the darkness before running away.

Sieun bit down on his tongue before he said something weird. Like how Suho always smelled nice, or that if he wanted to, he could hug Sieun’s side so he wouldn’t catch a cold. But he shouldn’t.

The moon stared back at Sieun in understanding.

Sieun glanced at Suho. He realized, at that moment, how beautiful Suho looked under the dim lights of the large patio. Long eyelashes, high cheekbones, honey fox-eyes. Pouting in that stubborn way which made Sieun want to kiss him.

Behind them, the fence towered over in a restrictive fashion. Suho didn’t fit with that background. He appeared comfortable in the military uniform, attractive of course. 

But that wasn’t his nature. 

Sieun didn’t have to ask him 10 would-you-rather questions to know Suho was meant to be doing something else. Not holding a big weapon.

Violence, like all things Sieun noticed with avid detail, was a sea of failed emotions that washed ashore after its decaying culmination.

It theoretically should suit Suho. An ex MMA fighter who’d been into martial arts, an athlete that wished to overachieve. But, the more Sieun got to Suho, the more he noticed tiny cracks beneath Suho's mask. 

It seemed to deepen with every answer, one fissure becoming two, then three. The easy smiles, his teasing remarks, the effortless charm…

Not an act but sometimes a shield. They branched across the image Suho let everyone show, convincing them how his confidence could never waver. 

Until they formed the outline of a sunflower. Suho’s inner nature. Through those emotional fractures, Sieun caught glimpses of the person under it all. 

A softer, more tender version of Suho than he let himself appear. His knuckles bore tangible scars but these were emotional ones. It wasn’t a wound, instead Sieun considered it a revelation. 

“You would be a great teacher, I think.” Sieun’s voice cut through the cold. 

Suho’s fingers inched closer to Sieun’s.

“Yeah? What subject?” Suho’s eyebrow arched, curious. “How to fuck up your back after years of overworking yourself?”

“Suho-yah. You don’t take yourself seriously.” Sieun stepped lightly on the ground, making a random shape. 

A circle surrounded by petals, a horizontal line attached to the bottom. Huh. A sunflower.

“Elementary school teacher.” Sieun spoke again. “You would be good with kids, very patient, teach them a little bit of everything. You’re a great hyung.”

Suho’s breathing slowed down, catching up to Sieun’s heartbeats. Suho did the unthinkable, though.

“I… Never thought of that. No one’s ever told me I’m patient, hm.” Suho pursed his lips before a small smile softened his features. “You might be the first one to think of me that way. It’s kind of sweet.”

Sieun’s left hand tightened around the strap of the gun slung across his chest. He coughed.  “Don’t get used to it.”

“Ah but I like it when you’re nice to me.” Suho smirked, bumping his shoulder against Sieun’s.

“Want me to pet your head? Rub your belly, next?” Sieun let out a low chuckle, rolling his eyes fondly.

“Well if you’re offering,” Suho shrugged as a one sided smile came across his expression. “I like the sound of that. I mean why not cuddle?”

“You might actually be a puppy, hyung,” Sieun exasperatedly started walking at the other end of the fence, checking the perimeter with a watchful gaze, shoulders loosening up from tension. “What am I gonna do with you, hm?”

Suho laughed, deep voice low and melting Sieun’s walls down. It filled him with a fuzzy layer of warmth inside. The intimate, serious nature of their conversation had shifted into the usual banter.

“You know what, Yeon Sieun?”

“What?” 

“At first I thought you were,” Suho paused, searching for the right words, “a bit of a cold, aloof guy. Maybe even a little stuck-up with your bookworm charms. Like you didn’t care about anyone.”

“Is there a but to this or are you just insulting me?” Sieun muttered, though the corner of his mouth betrayed him.

“But,” Suho hesitated, his voice softening in a way that didn’t quite match his usual teasing tone. “I find you to be sweet and kind. Very warm hearted. You notice things people usually don’t and that’s rare nowadays.”

Sieun didn’t respond, dealing with the sudden feeling of his chest tightening. The quiet embracing them felt heavier than usual, Suho’s sincere thoughts rattling deep within his mind. 

Before Sieun could think of something to change the subject, Suho placed his hands on Sieun’s waist, earning a small gasp from him. 

The touch was fleeting, leaving a new memory on his skin. Suho guided Sieun gently, shifting their positions until Sieun found himself in front of him without quite realizing when it happened.

Sieun stiffened.

“What are you—”

But Suho was already behind him.

His arms slipped around Sieun’s waist, the hold rather curious. Almost hesitant. But Sieun didn’t push Suho away, wondering how far Suho could blur the lines between them. 

As long as Sieun let him. 

Suho’s body settled comfortably against Sieun’s back like something in him had quieted into a steadier, calmer, form. Maybe holding Sieun had eased the edges of his anxiety. 

His chin came to rest on top of Sieun’s head, nuzzling his nose. “It’s a bit cold tonight,” Suho murmured, softer now, almost shy.

And it was true, but it sounded like a vague excuse to justify himself. Because, the longer he held Sieun, the less cold he seemed to be at all.

Sieun went still, for a moment he forgot what to do with his hands. They hovered awkwardly, before tightening slightly around the sleeves of Suho’s jacket. Sieun needed something solid to anchor himself, before he lost his composure. 

His ears felt warm. Annoyingly warm.

“Yeah,” Sieun said, quieter than he meant to. “I guess so.”

“Mhm… you’re better than the barrack’s heater.” Suho smiled, squeezing Sieun. 

Even there, outside in the dead quiet of military grounds, where distant boots and orders still echoed faintly through the night, it felt as if both men were suspended in time. Affection in the midst of harshness. 

The act was intimate enough that Sieun didn’t quite know what to make of it, of them, of their friendship. His face burned a little more when he realized he wasn’t the only one blushing, Suho’s ears and nose pink,  hands trembling around Sieun’s waist but it wasn’t from the cold, not anymore. 

They stood there basking in the company of the moon, Sieun’s eyes fluttering shut as Suho gently swayed their bodies, burying his cold nose in the crook of Sieun’s neck. 

***

Take it slow

Take it easy on me

And shed some light on me

My moon, my man

***

During one particular night, Sieun’s bed had almost lured him into oversleeping. It didn’t matter that he’d taken a four-hour nap to wake up at 2AM with no trouble. 

His mind and body were used to the routine, but every person had their limits at a certain point. Still, he made it in time. There was no reason for him not to, as he would usually be awake in a few hours anyway.

Night shifts were rough, but to be specific, everything about the military was rough. The food was decent on a good day, the expected camaraderie between men relied on society’s gender expectations Sieun hadn’t really begun unpacking yet. The main groups were always the tallest, strongest, fittest. Never the kids who’d always been outcasts.

He didn’t like whining, though. Sieun was resilient and brave no matter what life had prepared for him. But he couldn’t lie to himself even if he wanted to: it was plain and simple, he didn’t like it there. 

Even if he’d found solace in some new friends like Juntae or Beomseok (and whatever Suho was to him), it wasn’t enough to make the emptiness leave him. He also missed Gotak and Baku, who went to other military bases a tad closer to their families respectively.

There were also some rumours about Baekjin and Baku’s complicated past being the reason why he went somewhere else, which Sieun wasn't privy to, yet he felt a tiny bit curious.

He sensed, though, it wasn’t anyone’s place to meddle in. Much less when no one knew anything, with the exception of Gotak. 

Sometimes Sieun would stare at the dirty mirror wall in the showers, fogged up with the reflection of his teenage self fading into the man he’d become nowadays. 

It was strange, the change in his physique, most notably: His shoulders were broader and his posture was more confident, no hunching or hiding away from others. He walked with his head held high.

Sieun’s jawline was sharper, cheeks still full, but his face was more defined. His gaze maintained their gloomy nature, heavy-lidded and deep brown eyes that seemed to drink in the light, as Suho told him once. His waist was narrow, but his legs and thighs looked stronger, fuller than before. 

It was strange how much he hated the military, and yet it had taught him how to protect himself. To stand on his own and fight, even if the comfort of doing it “for the country” felt empty. But the change wasn’t only physical.

In the mirror, Sieun saw a man who could fight anyone, not just to survive high school bullies, but because he was better now. 

The improvement had sunk deep into the way he perceived himself. And it changed his perspective on things.

A dog that gnaws bone out of necessity is not the same as a dog that no longer needs to bite at all, even when it could.

“Soldier,” Suho’s voice gently pulled him back into reality. “You ready?”

They were standing in one of the main halls, logging the start of their shift. They signed in early to avoid wasting time once they returned to the barracks, so it became the usual ritual for them. 

That night’s duty was routine, nothing out of the ordinary. They had to patrol all sections storing weapons and other hazardous materials, in addition to checking barracks, and monitor the security cameras.

Sieun noticed Suho’s slow blinking and the way he kept suppressing half-yawns. When he asked if he’d slept, Suho admitted he hadn’t rested at all. 

He had reselessly turned,  shifting under the blanket, one leg out then tucking it back in. He tried laying on his back, counting imaginary sheep jumping over a fence, but nothing worked. Sieun frowned with a worrisome look, he knew how hard it was to battle insomnia.

“Suho-yah, I can do most of the tasks. It would be fine if you nod off in the office. Just wait for me, no one will enter the room anyway.”

It wasn’t a huge office, but rather a cramped room with two chairs, a long mahogany desk that had rows of organized documents, and large screens where you could see the cameras.

Also a keyboard and a mouse to click on a specific area. There was a small couch since the superiors knew how soldiers needed rest and would do so in longer shifts. 

This time, Sieun wanted Suho to sleep.

“No, no, I’m fine. Seriously, look!” Suho’s eyes widened as if he were alert, but the dark circles gave him away. “Yah, Sieun. You don’t believe me?”

“Not really,” Sieun muttered with a huff, one side of his smile lifting already. “You are a bad liar, hyung.”

Despite Suho’s ability to handle anything, no matter what it was, Sieun wanted to take care of him. Suho was one of the strongest in the unit, but ever since they’d gotten closer, Sieun noticed how jealous soldiers were toward Suho. 

He was a natural athlete with a kind, easy-going yet reserved personality. They couldn’t know him unless he wanted them to. It pissed them off which made Sieun watchful of Suho’s whereabouts and surroundings. Suho was the first person to evoke such feelings in him, even if he was protective of his friends, it just felt different. 

Suho’s hyung instincts to baby Sieun were a combination of two things: his weakness for Sieun and his caring disposition. But Sieun started mirroring him too, the same need to surround Suho with happiness and comfort. A soothing awareness they became each other’s solace from the military’s violent, macho-like setting.

Suho was endearing, basically.

Sieun couldn’t deny it now, their annoyance and opposite tempers had played a huge role in bringing them closer. He spent most days waiting for their night watch conversations, to see what new snack or sweet treat Suho would share with Sieun.

“I’l prove it to you, here.” Suho’s smile melted at Sieun’s unimpressed gaze. 

Suho started doing jumping jacks and wiggling his arms around but he was unusually slow. His form was perfect as always, but a tad uncoordinated, which Sieun noticed of course. 

Sieun laughed under his breath. The boy was trying too hard, and he was aware how much Suho preferred being around Sieun than alone, but he was tired. 

“Don’t be stubborn, Suho-yah. Everyone needs sleep.” Sieun placed a hand on Suho’s broad back and guided him toward the office. “Come on.” 

Suho followed with a reluctant sigh, his body giving in before his pride could deny Sieun. But he didn’t oppose the idea in the end, letting Sieun take the lead. 

Falling asleep on the office’s couch while Sieun patrolled for a bit wouldn’t harm anyone. It was quite a usual occurrence to take breaks between partnered up soldiers. 

“But what if something happens and I can’t be there for you?” Suho chewed on the inside of his cheek. 

Sieun pressed a hand to his shoulder and eased him onto the couch. “Then I’ll handle it. I’m a big boy, you know that, right?”

“Well, yeah, Sieun-ah. But what if—”

Sieun’s thumb found its way to Suho’s plump lips, interrupting his sleepy tangent. Suho’s ears flushed bright pink, his throat bobbing– swallowing, hard. His eyes briefly crossed, staring at Sieun’s finger as if his brain had stopped working altogether.

“Sleep, Suho-yah.” He said, quietly. “You shouldn’t think of the worst case scenario. Just rest here, you’ll be safe. And I also want to take…”

Suho gazed up at him. Fuck, Sieun’s chest filled with warmth at the vision in front of him. How Suho looked all wide and strong but was looking up at Sieun, eyes dilated. He blinked, unguarded, in a way Sieun liked too much.

“What? Take what?” Suho asked softly against his thumb. 

The raspy tone of his voice weakened Sieun’s boundaries. Suho always spoke of not crossing the line, but Sieun wanted to, so badly.

Sieun instantly outlined the shape of Suho’s mouth. His lips were soft and tempting. If he just…

“Uh, nothing. Take a nap, hyung. I’ll start off with the patrol outside.” Sieun assured him.

“Mhm, okay. Don’t take too long?” Suho tilted his head. “I sleep better when you’re around.”

Out of all things, that gave Sieun an adrenaline rush. How could Suho say things like that without his heart skipping a beat? 

There was something dangerously soft about them tonight, something that made it hard to leave. 

Sieun looked away, not strong enough to withstand those puppy eyes. To him, they might as well have been saying kiss me, kiss me, kiss me. 

“Just for five minutes.” Suho mumbled, eyes half-shut before sighing and settling into the couch. “I’ll catch up to you.”

“Sure.” 

*** 

Sieun had walked around the perimeter twice. It wasn’t the coldest October night, but he still felt chills down his spine, the moon being his main source of light. 

It appeased him to know he wasn’t truly alone, other soldiers doing different duties, all spread near the guarding center. November was right around the corner, a month already flying by. 

When he checked the barracks he hadn’t seen anything suspicious so he walked back. The halls weren’t full, but footsteps were heard from distant corridors, the low breath of the building itself holding through the night. Something was amiss anyway.

Sieun had spent most of his life alone, yet his first night watch without Suho felt unbearably long. He often looked forward to returning, but he was thorough with every responsibility and task given to him. 

Sieun couldn’t help it. He was a perfectionist and wouldn’t rush the process even if he wanted to be with Suho. 

When Sieun did come back, hours had passed. He quietly let himself  in the room, Suho’s sleeping shape still curled on the small couch. 

He laid on his side, fetal position where his knees were bent toward his stomach. The blanket had slipped down to his narrow waist, no longer wearing the thick military jacket, just a black t-shirt. 

Sieun stopped in the doorway longer than he should have. It’s just that, well, Suho’s face had softened, the usual tension around his shoulders gone. Sieun was curious how it would feel to wrap his arms around Suho’s back. 

Instead, Sieun crossed the room with quiet steps, hovering above Suho. He fixed the blanket, tugging it up so it would cover Suho properly. His hand lingered for half a second too long after smoothing the fabric, itching to trace little shapes on Suho’s skin, cupping Suho’s face.

He was way too over the line now, but Sieun couldn’t repress his thoughts the way he did with his feelings. If he couldn’t have Suho as more than a friend, then at least he would think about him in the privacy of his mind. He’d never known what having an intense “crush” meant until Suho. 

Sieun sat on the desk just to do something besides looming around Suho. He pulled out his journal, a little worn at the edges, but useful. He’d write down what he did during the shift, any observations, what he’d learnt to improve.

He would also write some personal thoughts and feelings, most of which were quite sad, always missing the feeling of freedom. He liked routine, the satisfaction of finishing a task filling him with pride, but he couldn’t shake the wish for his service to end sooner. He wondered how different things would’ve been had he met Suho in other circumstances.

Life was a continuous cycle of what ifs, but Sieun had learnt to live without regret. If he let his sadness spread beyond the edges of his own mind, it would blur everything into numbness. He knew that much from experience.

He had been like that back in high school, depression following him everywhere no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.

But he lived with it. It lurked late at night, in the corner of his eyes, a dreadful creature with heavy steps. It pulled at him sometimes, dragged him away from loved ones, from his interests, from whatever version of himself he was trying to hold onto. Why try, when nothing seemed to change anything?

Yet that was the funny thing. It might seem as if there was no other way out but through the painful sorrowful end.

But life wasn’t a fixed shape, instead it developed and shifted. Sieun held out for longer, knowing deep down, he had to fight for himself, even if no one else would. 

He had to be strong and patient. Not for approval, not to “beat” anything outright, but because even the worst of it never stayed exactly the same. It came in waves. And waves passed. They had to.

And for now, that was enough to keep him going.

***

Sieun had gotten used to Suho’s soft snoring, but after thirty minutes of writing, he suddenly heard a creaking sound.

Suho was awake and in his groggy state, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, blinking all confused at the dim light on the desk.

The office light painted him in soft edges, shadows under his lashes, hair slightly mussed from the couch. Nothing about him belonged in a place like this. Not really.

Sieun tried not to look at him for too long, but he failed, he always did. Suho shifted again restlessly, gaze finding Sieun.

There was that familiar quiet softness again, the one that always made Sieun feel like everything he was holding onto might slip without warning.

“Sieun-ah, you’re back.” His voice was rough with sleep. “Thanks for, uh, letting me rest. I needed it.” Even Suho’s smile had a special softness to it. 

For Sieun only.

Sieun scoffed under his breath, tracing the same word over and over with his pen, cheeks pink. “It’s nothing., hyung. You can sleep more if you want.”

“No, I’m okay, I think.” Suho yawned. He scratched his arms after stretching.

The shirt clung to his body, emphasizing his defined body. Not that he cared. Sieun’s grip on the pen tightened anyway.

Suho stretched once more as he stood up, arms, back, legs, then he approached the desk. Like a cat who found his new interest. He placed a hand right beside Sieun’s journal, caging him in. Sieun swallowed.

“What are you doing over here?” Suho leaned closer. 

“Some writing, nothing special.” Sieun underlined a few words again. He could feel Suho’s presence everywhere and it made his skin prickle with need.

“Hm, you’re all hunched over, Siennie. Fix your posture a little.” Suho placed his hands on Sieun’s shoulders, massaging them until Sieun closed his eyes with a satisfied sigh at the touch. “See? You should relax, maybe take a nap.”

“No, no. I’m fine, hyung, seriously.” Sieun grunted, Suho digging right into a tight knot in his back.

“If you say so.” Suho chuckled, rubbing the sensitive spot teasingly before tickling Sieun’s neck area.

“Stop it.” Sieun tried not to laugh as he stared at Suho menacingly, or tried to. 

The taller man stepped back with another mischievous intent, Sieun thought, but instead Suho pulled the chair beside Sieun and sat next to him, sleep still visible all over him.

He looked younger, somehow. It tugged at Sieun’s heartstrings in that weird, fuzzy warm way it always did when it comes to Suho.

Silence settled between them again. Suho buried his chin and half his face in his arms, watching Sieun through his eyelashes. Sieun was about to break the silence and ask Suho how he was feeling, but he liked the quiet space they were just existing in. 

The thing was, Sieun could feel the tension building between them. Suho’s knee brushed against his, nudging closer, which earned him an arched eyebrow from Sieun. Suho only smiled back, all innocent and cute.

Suho stretched his right arm until his hand came to rest near Sieun’s on his thigh. His pinky barely brushed against him, as if testing whether Sieun would allow him. What Suho didn’t know was that Sieun had blurred the lines a long time ago.

So Sieun reached back, their pinkies touching. A nervous breath escaped him as he turned his hand over: an offering for Suho.

It was almost... innocent, somehow. He wanted to hold Suho’s hand, too.

The other man’s face flushed red, a smile caught between his teeth. Suho’s fingers immediately interlaced with Sieun’s beneath the desk, squeezing once before his thumb began tracing slow circles over Sieun’s skin.

The touch was completely hidden. Anyone walking into the room would only see Suho resting on the couch while Sieun scribbled away at his journal. Hidden from everyone. Hidden from everything except the space between them.

It felt absurd, almost.

Yet Sieun’s stomach filled with butterflies, bright and restless, warming him from the inside out.

It was strange how a place built for discipline, orders, weapons, and dominance had allowed something this gentle to bloom between them. Here they were, holding on to each other as though something fragile had survived in the wrong environment.

Suho’s face was red, but judging by the heat creeping up Sieun’s neck, he probably looked no better. They smiled in opposite directions, equally shy.

“You’re cute,” Suho mumbled.

“Huh?”

“I said you’re cute. Didn’t think you...” Suho swallowed, eyes darting around the room. Then he glanced back at Sieun, honey-brown eyes soft and curious.

You’d hold my hand. You’d feel the same as me. You wouldn’t hate me for having queer thoughts about you.

“I would. I am right now,” Sieun replied, the words slipping out before he could think about them.

The answer eased something in Suho immediately. The tension in his jaw softened, his shoulders dropping as though he'd been carrying the fear for much longer than Sieun realized.

Sieun shifted closer, tugging lightly on their joined hands until Suho followed.

“What?” Suho straightened his posture, a tiny smirk on his face. “You’re not as shy as you look.”

“I’m not cute or shy, but you might be.” Sieun teased, playing with Suho’s fingers. 

“Hah, you wish, baby.” Suho chuckled, turning his body so he would be facing Sieun. 

The pet name rolled off so naturally from Suho that it didn’t really surprise Sieun, it was almost instinctive for their relationship to develop like this. Sieun turned Suho’s way, slow and gentle, gazing up at him. 

“Fuck off with that pretty face of yours, Sieun-ah, I’m not the strongest soldier.” Suho’s gaze darkened as he looked Sieun up and down.

Sieun rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Hm, you like me, though. Yeon Sieun likes me, now that’s something you didn’t see coming.”

And in between Suho’s sweet smile and the moon watching them with care; Sieun cupped Suho’s face. 

At first, he’d been clumsy, limbs slightly trembling with nerves and anticipation. He didn’t mean to lean forward, but he wanted to inspect Suho up close. 

The tiny mole under his eye, how long his eyelashes were, the slight dryness of his lips begging Sieun to moisten them. He was a beautiful man with the most infuriatingly kissable mouth.

“Are you gonna do it?” Sieun mumbled, his voice quiet yet challenging.

“If you behave, I’ll think about it.” Suho smirked, bumping the end of his nose with Sieun’s. “Will you?”

“Hm?” Sieun frowned in confusion.

“Be good for hyung?” 

Sieun’s whole body shivered. He set his pride aside and gave a small nod, heart beating faster. It was enough for Suho to finally seal the deal.

Suho’s larger hands curved around Sieun’s sharp jawline, kissing Sieun with all his might, mouth soft but movements fierce and slippery wet with need.

For a second, the world narrowed into something smaller than both of them. The hum of monitors, the weight of their military uniforms still clinging to their bodies. Everything outside the cramped office felt too far away, the only thing that mattered existed between Sieun and Suho.

The first kiss was short and sweet, like a teasing inexperienced peck. The second was cute, a little clumsy as they tried to learn each other’s body. 

They just gazed at each other for a long time, perhaps in curiosity or fear one of them would pull away, but instead they both gave into the undeniable desire, each kiss becoming less shy and careful, lips sliding wetly against each other. 

Suho explored Sieun’s mouth, tongue licking inside as he bit Sieun’s lower lip, earning a surprised, high-pitched whine from the younger soldier. 

Suho tugged, bit, prodded Sieun’s lip until it became plump and puffy. He liked how red it looked, how Sieun’s sounds were muffled by Suho’s gasps, hands clasped around Suho’s wide back and upper arms.

Almost caressing, almost leaving sharp nail marks through his black shirt, almost wanting to rip it off his body.

It felt strange, wrong even, kissing in a place like this. Two male soldiers in uniform, surrounded by systems built for control and violence, giggling into each kiss like they’d just discovered something they both couldn’t go without.

“Don’t,” Sieun muttered, pinching Suho lightly as he laughed into the kiss, tongue licking insistently against Sieun’s. “We’ll get caught if you keep giggling.”

Suho let out a softer chuckle, lips meeting Sieun’s again as their movements became frenzied. Suho had no patience anymore and if Sieun was truthful, he wasn’t sure he cared whether someone heard them or not. At least not when it was making him feel so good.

It was like something in both of them had finally stopped pretending to behave.

Sieun kissed him like he was trying to undo a riddle, if he pressed close enough he’d figure out where the line between Suho’s gentle dominance and sweetness actually lied. 

What if he pushed the right buttons, then, seeing how far he could make Suho melt for him? Suho made a quiet sound against his mouth, soft, caught off guard, like he hadn’t expected himself to give in that easily into Sieun’s pushy nature either.

It made Sieun’s chest tighten in a way that felt almost irritating, because he’d given into his selfish greed to have Suho all to himself.

He couldn’t deny it, though, how satisfied he felt to explore Suho’s firm biceps and back, yet he couldn’t help it, he wanted to see more. 

That narrow waist most likely covered in little moles, soft abs and hips, the warmth of Suho’s skin against Sieun’s cold hands. The contrast between his solid, masculine body and the whimpering nature in his voice. 

Sieun knew how much Suho liked physical contact and it drove him insane because they were opposites in many ways, yet they made perfect sense. A balance of energies.

The desk edge pressed into Sieun’s back when he shifted closer to Suho, the office chair creaking faintly beneath him, but none of it mattered enough to stop. Suho’s breath broke against his lips again, uneven and warm. He was losing the careful control he always wore.

Sieun’s fingers curled into Suho’s shirt, and without thinking, Suho pulled him into his lap as if he weighed nothing, manhandling him the way Sieun had always dreamt of. 

Sieun followed with no problem, thick thighs wrapping around Suho’s waist. He felt a sudden warmth pool at the bottom of his belly, cock semi-hard at the feeling of Suho’s huge erection poking the swell of his ass.

“Ah, Suho-yah, please.”

Suho’s mouth found its way to Sieun’s, licking thoroughly like he couldn’t get enough of Sieun’s taste. Their pulse raced faster, lips grazing one another with needy desire. When they both got to a high point of pleasure and impatience, their teeth would clash. 

They both let out a breathy chuckle at their mutual eagerness, going from small, sweet pecks to hot kisses. A magnetic pull from their bodies after months of emotional connection that had released all the pent-up want between them. 

Suho’s hands grazed Sieun’s waist, touching the heated skin underneath with a caring, reverent grip. Sieun leaned forward again, one breath away from a kiss, eyes watching Suho in a trance.

“What do you want, hyung?” 

Suho’s breath was uneven, color spreading across his face and neck. 

“To please you.” Suho swallowed in the middle of his confession. “To have you all to myself. To…”

“What, what is it?” Sieun's hands trembled for a second before settling on Suho’s shoulders, the immediate skin contact soothing his nerves. “Tell me.”

Suho was barely holding himself together, but Sieun wasn’t doing great either. He moved closer, breath hitting Suho’s plump lips.

Oh how he wanted to kiss him over and over again, Sieun didn’t care for sex anymore, had Suho told him he just wanted to make-out all night he would’ve accepted with no second thoughts.

Even if the pressure of his hardened cock against the zipper of his pants wasn’t comfortable.

“Hyung.” Sieun brazed himself before leaning in, stealing a quick little kiss. “Hyung, tell me, tell Sieun-ah. What else do you want?”

Suho followed after his mouth, whimpering as if he’d gotten his favorite toy taken away, ears tinged red. Suho slotted their lips together more intensely, nipping at his bottom lip before Sieun caught Suho’s tongue. He sucked the tip, slowly.

“A-ah, Sieunmgh,” Suho gasped, thrusting upward as he chased after Sieun’s body, incapable of controlling himself. “I want you for more than just tonight. You’ve been on my mind for so long now, Sieun-ah, baby.”

A hazy wave of loving, adoring, yearning feelings hit Sieun in the shape of Ahn Suho. Nothing could’ve prepared him for that.

“You think you haven’t been on mine, too?” Sieun placed two fingers underneath Suho’s chin, lifting it slightly so he would observe Suho closer. “I’m a smart man, Suho-yah. And this game has gone long enough, hasn’t it?” 

Suho blinked slowly, gaze unfocused yet watchful. 

“Go on.” Suho breathed the words against Sieun’s mouth, but didn’t kiss him properly. “What do you want, then, Yeon Sieun?” 

Sieun smirked once before gently digging his fingers into Suho’s cheeks. They were both inexperienced virgins, extremely aroused from weeks of teasing, bantering and swift touches. He licked Suho’s mouth open, no more of the shy sweetness from before, but clumsy at its core. 

“That’s not a proper answer, now is it?” Suho leaned away, a cocky smile as he stared down on Sieun’s kiss-swollen lips. 

They rutted against each other, Sieun rubbing his hard cock all over Suho’s clothed stomach while Suho’s length was now fully hard, twitching underneath Sieun’s ass.

“Hyung.”

“Don’t be a little brat, come on. You said you’d behave,” Suho said.

“No, I said I’d be good for you, hyung. Am I not?” Sieun’s eyelashes fluttered, mouth half-open as he felt Suho pulling roughly at Sieun’s jacket, nipping at the skin of his neck. Thrown on the floor, he did the same with Sieun’s t-shirt, eyeing up Sieun’s body. He didn’t touch his pants at all, though.

“You’re such a tease…” Suho mumbled, both hands spread over Sieun’s stomach and abs. 

He slid them up and down, brushing the sensitive end of his nipples, pecs defined and full. Sieun wasn’t small, his body tanned and toned, far thicker than some of the other soldiers. Broad shoulders as well as a narrow waist, but he wasn’t lean, rather bulky. 

It made Suho salivate.

“Fuck, I can’t… Sieun-ah.” Suho swallowed hard, not sure where to look. 

Sieun sighed in pleasure when he felt Suho’s mouth latching onto his hard nipples, one hand playing with the other. He left kisses across his chest, a pathway of hickeys, lapping up at the salty skin. 

Sieun kept making these low-pitched grunts, lips raw and dark pink from biting them. Suho took a deep inhale between Sieun’s pecs before sliding up again, kissing Sieun’s neck.

Suho showered him in attention and praise, their moans muffled by another row of wet kisses. 

“Suho, Suho, come on.” Sieun placed his hands on the top of Suho’s head, caressing the short ends of his hair. He tugged at Suho’s black t-shirt, impatient. 

Sieun slid Suho’s shirt up and offered to take it off, but Suho instead placed it between his teeth, biting it. Suho’s pale skin was tempting Sieun to pin him against the couch and mark him everywhere, he wanted to do everything with him.

Perhaps next time, Sieun thought deliriously, imagining a future where their relationship didn’t end after sharing their first time at a military base.

Suho’s body was lean and strong. He could see the shape of his abs, nipples a shade of dark pink that matched his lips.

Sieun’s filthy, perverted mind thought whether his cock would be of that color, too. Sieun tried to pull it off completely, see everything in better detail, but Suho tsked at him.

“Haven’t earned this yet, baby…” The t-shirt fell again but didn't fully cover his body, his stomach peaking out a little.

Sieun whimpered, rutting back and forth as he moaned at the feeling of Suho’s dick digging right in the middle of his ass, poking him with more than interest. 

“Hyung, hyung, please.” Sieun’s nails scratched Suho’s V line, lust and affection melting in his gaze.

“Can’t do, Sieun-ah. But you’ll get to do it later, if I'm feeling generous. I do like how you beg.” 

Sieun sighed before he felt heat prickling everywhere, desire pooling low in his belly at the sound of Suho’s hands unbuckling Sieun’s belt and pants. He slid them right at the swell of his ass, boxers still on; the removal of his pants offering some release.

“Oh, you’re quite…” Suho’s eyes widened in surprise, smirking. His index and middle finger poked the tip of Sieun’s cock, leaking through his underwear, wet with precum. Sieun felt hot all over.

“Suho. Suho, oh. Mngh.”

“Yeah?” Suho wondered, licking his lips. “You have a nice size, Sieun-ah. It’s not big but definitely not small. Compact and thick, perfect, just like you.” Suho’s praise made Sieun blush in embarrassment, ears pink. 

He whimpered when Suho played with his balls, still clothed, then fondled his cock. “S-suho, stop teasing. I don’t know how long I’ll last…”

“Lucky for you, we’re both virgins. Don’t worry, baby. We can take it slow.” Suho assured him with a small, almost shy smile. “As long as it’s you, I know it’ll feel good.”

Sieun couldn’t help but bite Suho’s shoulder, leaving a kiss near the crook of his neck and jawline– overwhelmed. All this time, he'd known Suho was caring and understanding, but he never imagined he'd get to experience that side of him so intimately.

He wanted Suho to know how much he liked him; how much he wanted Suho fuck him,to hold his hand and caress his face with all the love Suho deserved.

It was too much and not enough, all at once.

Suho caressed Sieun’s waist and hips, then squeezed his ass hard, nails digging into the meatiest parts of his thighs and cheeks. “You’re so curvy, Jesus. How fortunate is hyung to fuck your tight little hole for the first time, hm?” 

Sieun’s eyes glossed over lips parting in silent cries of pleasure as Suho slid down his underwear and slapped his ass twice before softly rubbing the now pink spot.

“Are you sure you’re a virgin?” Sieun muttered, eyeing Suho up and down. “Because your mouth’s filthy and you’re so handsy…”

Suho couldn’t help but giggle, leaving his right hand to play and knead Sieun’s ass while his left hand suddenly wrapped around Sieun’s wrist. Sieun looked confused before biting his lips, swallowing at the feeling of Suho’s hard cock. 

“See how big of an effect you have on me?” Suho gasped, wanting to thrust into Sieun’s hand, holding onto his wrist for dear life. “If you told me to cum right now in my pants and briefs, I’d do it. I’m trying very hard not to, though.”

Guess I’m not the only sensitive one, then. 

“Right, fuck. You’re big..” Sieun moaned, closing his eyes to take a breath. “Everything about you is big.”

Suho’s cock twitched at the praise.

Suho chuckled. “We haven’t done anything yet and we’re fucking losing it.”

“This was inevitable.” Sieun sighed, a small smile appearing on his red face.

“How so, baby?” Suho’s expression was of a confused yet curious puppy.

“You’ve checked me out in the showers many times. And don’t think I haven’t done the same. Late at night, soaping myself up as I tried to think of innocent images instead of fantasizing about sucking you off right there.”

“Holy fuck, Sieun,” Suho stammered, eyes widening at this new, unexpected perverted side of Sieun. “What else have you fantasized about?”

“Hyung, I’ve wanted to ride you for so long. I’ve always noticed your thighs… I’d love to ride you now, please, Suho-yah.”

“Mhm? You like how strong and big hyung is?” Suho smirked, all arrogant and hot, annoying as ever. 

Sieun was breathless when he nodded, Suho freeing his wrist to touch Sieun’s waist, caressing it up and down before focusing on Sieun’s back. 

“You’re hot and you know it.” Sieun cupped Suho’s face, thumb caressing the mole under his eye. “Impossibly charming and pretty.”

There must’ve been many instances where people mentioned Suho’s attractiveness, but perhaps the word pretty had never been used. Sieun had always thought Suho was pretty. And it was a shame if no one had told him. 

Watching his cheekbones and ears blossom pink was one of the most wonderful things Sieun had ever witnessed.

Suho leaned forward and brushed their lips together once more, gentle but carrying a passionate desperation all the same.

Suho looked away first, which only made the pink in his ears spread further.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he muttered.

“Like what?”

“Like I'm...” Suho laughed under his breath, embarrassed. “I don't know.”

“Annoying but pretty and hot?” Sieun offered with a teasing glint in his dark gaze.

“Yah.” Suho whined.

Sieun smiled and brushed their lips together again, brief and sweet. 

Suho's gaze softened for a moment. Then it lingered. Not on Sieun's eyes this time, but a little lower. The atmosphere shifted so gradually that neither of them could pinpoint when it happened. 

One second they were smiling over a compliment, the next Suho’s hands were squeezing Sieun’s waist again, nails caressing his skin.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” Suho admitted quietly.

Sieun arched an eyebrow. “Then tell me.”

Suho swallowed.

“Sieun-ah, baby. Fuck, everytime I saw a glimpse of you in the showers I couldn’t help it. All I wanted was to touch the dip of your waist and your thickness...” 

Suho squeezed Sieun’s ass again, both men moaning when they felt it bounce back after another slap. 

“Wanting to grope you and bend you over, all wet and needy. Or when I noticed you train in those shorts, how wide and strong you look despite being smaller than me. Like maybe you could pin me down and use me all you want.”

Sieun and Suho could only manage small, breathless sounds, escaping whenever the tension became too much. 

Instead of doing what they had both expected, tearing into each other like animals in heat, they only made it worse with every confession that added fuel to the fire.

“In what ways?” Sieun wondered, rocking his hips back and forth, teasingly.

“Whatever you want, baby. Me fucking you, other way around, both, neither. I don’t give a shit, I just know I want you all the fucking time.”

Sieun couldn’t help it, he chuckled at how insane Suho sounded, his cock leaking even more at the idea of topping Suho another time. 

It was clearly mutual, not solely about the sex or power dynamic between them; Suho’s gentle dominance and Sieun’s bratty strike, culminated into something more. What Sieun wanted the most, a future with Suho.

Suho pulled him forward then, mouths crashing in a desperate, breathy kiss. Their lips bruised and wet sliding with much less finesse than before.

Sieun rubbed his cock against Suho’s stomach, skin to skin. It made sense they were both virgins, their movements clumsy and too desperate, but they were grown enough where they could try not to cum. 

Huge emphasis on trying, because Sieun couldn’t stop dragging his ass back and forth over Suho’s dick, needy. 

Suho squeezed the base of Sieun’s cock experimentally, gathering saliva which he then let drip down Sieun’s length. 

Sieun whimpered, a high-pitched mewl that made his cock twitch as he draped a hand over his mouth. Suho smirked, dragging his hand up and down Sieun’s thick cock.

“Wah, it’s different from when I do it to myself.” Suho moaned in awe at Sieun getting harder, twisting his wrist awkwardly with a slow pace. Sieun’s chest rose and fell with uneven breaths. 

“Mngh. Is different good or bad?” Sieun bit Suho’s shoulder as he stammered, Suho’s pace quickening. He was a natural fast learner. 

“So fucking good, Sieun-ah. You feel amazing.” Suho pumped Sieun’s cock faster, licking a stripe around Sieun’s jawline now, meeting him half-way into another wet slide of lips, kissing him with fervor. “Does it feel good? Hm?”

“Suho-yah, hyung, please stop, because if you won’t I’ll cum right now. Please, fuck.” Sieun closed his eyes, thrusting blindly into the tight heat of Suho’s hand which was contradicting his words, but it just felt so good, way too good. 

“You’re so easy, baby.” Suho left a kiss on the side of Sieun’s face, then bumped their noses together. 

“Fuck off, you’re so full of yourself,” Sieun moaned, wrapping his hand around Suho’s wrist, but didn’t really put any force to stop Suho’s touches. 

“I’d rather fill you up instead.” Suho couldn’t finish his teasing because Sieun had already slipped his thick tongue inside Suho’s mouth, shutting him up with the best tactic. 

Things escalated quickly, Suho still dressed completely while Sieun only wore his military pants and boots.. Suho had opened up a tiny bottle of lube he had somehow confiscated from another soldier’s locker-room. 

He’d draped the cold liquid over his fingertips and began opening Sieun up, slowly– since it was Sieun’s first time bottoming. It was a blessing he was extremely clean and thorough. 

The prep might’ve been the most intimate moment between them, no more teasing and horny comments to make each other pent-up with need.

Just affectionate touches from Sieun’s hands caressing Suho’s shoulders while Suho used two, then three fingers to have him pliant for him. 

Suho was patient with Sieun's every need. He listened to each hitch in his breath, his gaze lingering on every wince as he leaned in for a kiss, then another. Their plump, rosy lips brushed together in featherlight touches.

Their foreheads brushed together, breaths mingling in the narrow space between them, until neither of them could tell where one trembling exhale ended and the other began.

But after a while of Suho’s long, slender fingers pumping in and out of his tight, lubricated hole, Sieun felt prepared, excited to be filled up with Suho’s cock. 

When he told Suho he was ready, the taller boy was about to unbuckle his belt and pants, but Sieun beat him to it.

Suho’s expression was smug, he loved Sieun’s attention the most. They maneuvered awkwardly around each other for Sieun to pull Suho’s cock.

The filthy sound of Suho’s cock slapping against his stomach made Sieun’s thighs quiver with need.  Suho’s shirt slid up at the mid-riff like it was a crop top. It made him look like a slutty soldier.

“Fuck, you’re huge, hyung. Will that even… Will it fit inside of me?” Sieun gasped, hand already wrapping around the long length. 

“Oh, it will. I’ll make sure of it.” Suho’s mouth twitched as he put more pressure behind his hold on Sieun’s waist. “Come on, baby, let’s get going before our shift ends.”

Suho’s dick looked pink like his lips. Sieun wanted to kiss the head, give it a teasing lick, but that should be for another day.

He’d rather get fucked now or else he’d cum from just how good it felt to be touched and kissed by Suho.

Sieun’s pants were bunched beneath his bottom, wrinkled and uncomfortable, but he was so pent-up he couldn’t care less how debauched he looked.

Sat on another man’s lap, both wearing their military uniforms, half clothed and ready to take Suho’s cock.

“Are we doing it bare?” Sieun asked, not sure where they’d get protection.

eyebrows pulled down.

“Oh, you’re right. But I’d rather… I mean, we can stop now if you want.” Suho reassured.

Sieun thought about it for five seconds before just giving up, knowing damn well he couldn’t deny himself the pleasure of being Suho’s first. 

“It’s fine, we’re both virgins. I really want this, hyung.” 

He raised himself as he took his time to rock his hips, first forward, then backward, the noise of his slick hole catching Suho’s leaking head making him tremble with need.

“Stop teasing, Sieun-ah, please…” Suho whined, placing his hands around Sieun’s love handles, forcefully pushing him closer to his cock. “For a newbie you sure know how to make a guy wanna cum on the spot.”

“Don’t be so crude…” Suho’s dick brushed Sieun’s tight hole, puckering in anticipation as Sieun rocked harder. “Mngh.”

“Just take it. I’ll go slow I promise.” Suho dug his fingers into Sieun’s tan flesh, pushing him down until he finally breached Sieun’s entrance. “I’ll fill you up when we finish.”

“A-ah!” Sieun whimpered, gripping Suho’s shoulders for some balance, biting his lower lip. 

It was warm, wet, full of pressure and everything Sieun had dreamt of. Suho’s length felt far thicker now he was filling him up to the brim.

Sieun’s strong thighs and legs held him with no problem, but his heart was beating faster as his own cock rocked hard against Suho’s body, balls feeling heavier with the need of release. Not yet.

“Good?” 

“Mhm.” Sieun gave a little nod, smiling. “You?”

“Trying not to cum as soon as you start riding me.” Suho’s laughter was breathy and nervous.

He slid the palm of his hands up and down Sieun’s thighs, almost soothing each other’s anxiety despite the obvious desire and lust settling around them.

Sieun’s hands carded through Suho’s short hair. He leaned forward and Suho closed the distance between their waiting lips, brushing them softly. Sieun licked into his mouth, grinding down with circular movements of his hips.

He clumsily raised, then lowered himself on Suho’s cock. Though Sieun must’ve been doing it right, his confidence rising with each breathy sound Suho made.

Suho’s eyes were glassy and his lips seemed bruised with tender love. Sieun kept up a teasing pace, but once Suho noticed Sieun moaning, legs trembling from the effort and pleasure, instead of pain like the first few thrusts…

He placed a possessive hold on Sieun’s waist, gripping him harder after a few minutes of slow bouncing. Suho moved Sieun up and down his length, eyelashes fluttering as Sieun’s lips parted with another row of high-pitched, whiny moans. 

“Hyung, you feel so good, oh. Don’t stop!”

Suho grabbed his hips roughly, thrusting his cock deeper inside Sieun. The sound of his balls hitting Sieun’s ass was filthy, the chair creaking under the weight of two grown men.

Sieun circled his arms behind Suho, biting and licking his neck whenever he wanted to muffle his moans, marking Suho as his. They couldn’t be loud, it was too risky even if the possibility made Sieun’s cock twitch with interest.

“Sieun, Sieun, fuck!” Suho angled his hips, thrusting faster as the head of his cock hit Sieun’s weak spot. “You’re so beautiful, you know that? Look at you, taking my cock so well, I can’t believe you’re real.”

Suho’s hands caressed the curve of Sieun’s back, light touches bringing goosebumps all over Sieun’s body.

His nipples hardened as Suho’s lips grazed his tan skin, leaving open-mouthed kisses over his collarbones and neck. 

Sieun kept bouncing up and down, the strength of his legs and core helping him stay upright, but he was melting against Suho’s warm body. 

“You’re so perfect, the most beautiful man I’ve met. Do you know that, baby?” Suho gasped, the sounds of pleasure escaping him without permission. “Wanted to see you bounce on my cock, see how tight and warm you’d feel, spread out for me.”

Sieun crashed their mouths together, moaning into each other as their bodies moved uncontrollably, chasing after the finish line.

The thrusts stopped hurting, feeling like the best thing to ever happen to Sieun. He was surrounded by Suho, filled with his big cock and balls clapping his asscheeks, the natural smell of his salty skin loosening Sieun up.

Suho hid his face on the crook of Sieun’s neck, peppering him with kisses as he panted, biting on the hickey he left whenever he was close to moaning loudly. 

Sieun bounced on the soldier’s lap, Suho’s larger hands covering half of Sieun’s waist. He slid them down to Sieun’s ass, gripping each globe with fervor as he pounded into Sieun’s hole. 

There were red marks all over Sieun’s ass and thighs, almost matching Suho’s fingernail scratches on his pale back.

“Uh, uh, uh,” Sieun’s choked sobs kept getting filthier, the slick noise of Suho’s cock in and out of his wet hole echoing in the office room. “Mhm, don’t stop, Suho! Fill me up, please, please.”

“Oh baby, you know I’m not stopping, not when you feel this good. Sieun-ah. Sieun. My Sieun.”

Suho grabbed Sieun a little rougher, never hurting him but the sting was pleasurable enough for Sieun to let out an embarrassing mewl. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Suho’s cock disappeared inside Sieun’s dripping heat, balls smacking against his thick ass,  Sieun rolling his hips in circular motions as he rode Suho. The longer they went at it they were both more comfortable, tension loosening from their bodies. 

Sieun pushed against Suho’s thrusts, working the muscle of his thighs as Suho set up a faster, harsher, nicer pacing. It was frenzied and desperate from both ends, Suho leaving hungry kisses everywhere he could, but Sieun was always meeting him half-way.

He nibbled and pulled Suho’s bottom lip, claiming Suho’s mouth as his, tongue lapping up every single breath and restrained cries.

“Suho-yah, Suho, baby.” Sieun grabbed Suho’s face, hips still rolling as he felt every inch of Suho’s length stretching him fully. “Can’t stand how big your cock is, but it hurts so good, hyung. Please please please.”

Suho’s smirk was infuriatingly hot and it wasn’t Sieun’s fault if he took Suho by the chin, meeting his arrogant and proud expression with a glassy-eyed stare. 

“Oh, hyung can make you feel even better.”

Suho began pumping Sieun’s cock as he thrusted deeper inside him, the new angle and double pleasure both front and back making Sieun’s riding pace stutter.

He tried bouncing harder like he was going after Suho’s hand, fucking into it and being fucked at the same time, Suho’s wrist twisting at the right time. 

“What a shame you haven’t put this pretty cock to good use, Sieun-ah…” Suho licked his lips with hunger.  “So thick, I wonder what you would do to me if…”

“Uh!” Sieun bit Suho’s neck because the idea of Suho fantasizing about his cock was too much.

Sieun licked the red mark he left on his favorite spot, where there was a tiny mole. “Don’t say things like that, hyung, fuck. I’m way too close.”

“But you’re riding me so well?” Suho moaned. “You’re not so shy now, baby. I know you love my praises.”

Suho sped up his thrusts, grabbing Sieun’s ass as both hands handled them with care yet a little roughness.

He kneaded them, a row of slaps making Sieun gasp, spine straightening as he was bounced on Suho’s lap.

Only Suho’s strong arms, strained biceps, moved Sieun up and down his cock. He was in heaven, a blissful obscene moan slipped from his lips.

“I’m close, Suho, baby.” 

“Not yet, beautiful. I know you can take it, hm?” Suho soothed, left hand placed in the middle of Sieun’s wide shoulderblades, while his right arm curled around Sieun’s waist. 

He planted his boot-clothed feet on the floor, fucking him slower but making Sieun feel every inch of his cock. “Take hyung’s cock like the good little soldier you are.”

“Oh, mngh!!” Sieun’s eyelashes fluttered shut, Suho’s filthy words making him shudder in pleasure and embarrassment.

He was so flustered but it wasn’t enough for him to deny himself how good it felt to be manhandled by Suho, to be so thoroughly pleasured and having Suho’s complete attention.

Suho licked Sieun’s mouth open, swallowing up each shaky breath and whimpering sound like it was the best meal he’d ever had. Sieun mumbled incoherently against Suho’s kissing.

“What is it, hm?” Suho whimpered, hips stuttering as he got closer to cumming. “Tell me, Sieun-ah.”

“Hyung, finish inside me, please, I want you to fill me up.” Sieun gasped deliriously, eyes wet and lips bruised with Suho’s love. 

Suho’s eyebrows rose high in surprise before his gaze darkened, already on the verge of losing it.

“You really are insane, you know that?” Suho’s breath hitched, panting. “I couldn’t have met a more perfect man than you.”

The pacing got more brutal, hips rolling and each time he pounded Sieun it made the chair creak noisily. Suho’s hands took such gentle care of Sieun, such a contrast from how hard, albeit clumsy, his thrusts were. Sieun craved it all even more.

Sieun started to move again, riding Suho at the same quick pace. He swallowed Suho’s cock, his warm heat filled to the brim as Suho pounded faster and deeper inside.

They moaned into each other’s mouths without properly kissing, just the brush of their lips was enough to push them to the limit. 

“Fill me up, hyung, want you to-” 

Sieun had been interrupted by the sudden feeling of Suho spilling himself inside as he gave one last powerful thrust.

Sieun rolled his eyes back in pleasure, mouth half open as he moaned, his back arching in response to Suho’s length pulsing inside him. 

Suho’s ears and cheekbones were dusted in pretty blush, sweat sliding down his forehead.

Sieun kept riding Suho’s cock with a breathless urgency, one hand on his own cock, twisting and pumping it in an erratic way.

Sieun’s cock twitched in pleasure, finishing all over his stomach right when Suho played with his balls to help him. 

He kissed Suho, whining from how good it all felt. He clenched then unclenched his hole around Suho’s length, milking him dry. Fuck, he never knew how good it was to be filled with Suho’s release. 

Sieun smirked, glassy eyes meeting Suho’s honeyed gaze. Pride and neediness stirred in equal measure at the way Suho whined in response, sensitive and pretty beneath him. 

Suho placed his hands around Sieun’s bottom, lifting him up until Suho’s length popped out with a slick sound, Sieun’s hole clenching at the sudden empty feeling.

He already missed the bonding intimacy of their bodies, that connecting point now sealed with Suho’s cum sliding down Sieun’s thighs. 

“Suho… Oh, hm.” Sieun whimpered as Suho’s slender fingers found their way inside Sieun’s tight heat. 

Suho made a scissoring motion, brushing Sieun’s g-spot as he slid his mouth against Sieun’s in an eager gesture.

The kiss was sweet, slow, and so unfairly smooth. It was so pleasant and warm it made Sieun shiver, goosebumps all over his body. 

“You’re so beautiful, all pliant and needy, full of my cum.” Suho purred right as Sieun nibbled on his bottom lip in response. “My gorgeous boy, hm?”

“Hyung, fuck.” Sieun slipped his tongue, licking Suho open with need. “I’m still s-sensitive.”

“I know, baby, I just…” The other soldier whined against Sieun, fingering him slowly. “I like how warm and wet you feel. All mine now.”

Sieun nodded deliriously, kissing Suho again and again as if he was seconds away from vanishing. Like it was their only instant of freedom.

It wasn’t just about how good it had felt to have his first time with Suho. The sex had been passionate, unskilled, and full of feelings they had both bottled up for months now.

Sieun loved it so much, because usually he would struggle sharing his actual feelings for other people. 

Suho had adapted to his idiosyncrasies and Sieun had quietly done the same, falling for him in ways Suho perhaps hadn't noticed yet.

He’d started saving Suho a spot at the cafeteria, listened to his ramblings, watched the soft honey in his gaze melt whenever he got sleepy. Sieun showed he cared through other means. 

The memory they shared was written within Sieun. Doing something so daring and vulnerable during a military shift should have felt out of character.

But it had been inevitable. Sieun wouldn’t dare describe it as a fling or a quick sexual encounter. To him, it meant far more than that. 

It was his and Suho’s first time, and even now that fact sat quietly between them like something too delicate to name.

That was why he had let himself be vulnerable in a way that didn’t usually suit him. It wasn’t that simple, but at the same time, it was. Suho gazed at him with an endearing, delicate expression.

Their breathing echoed in the room leaving loud traces of uneven  gasps. Neither of them had fully returned to reality yet. 

Sieun shifted first in Suho’s lap, slow and careful. He was afraid any sudden movement would break the fragile emotional string between them. 

Suho stood up just enough to lift Sieun up, gently helping him sit on the desk. His hands were steady as they fixed Sieun’s clothes back into place, fingers brushing over him with a kind of quiet gentle care that still matched the intensity from minutes ago.

Suho used a warm towel he’d picked from the bathroom near the office, cleaning Sieun first. The aftercare made Sieun buzz with butterflies, spreading low in his belly and flourishing with each heartbeat. Under the poor office lights, Suho’s skin glowed, his gaze softening every time it landed on Sieun.

Sieun was impossibly fond of him.

Suho’s mouth found his skin, kissing gently over where he had left marks earlier, like he was trying to undo the sharpness with a tender touch.

Sieun went still for a second, watching him in a daze before his shoulders eased down, tension melting without him even noticing it.

Suho wrapped his arms around him like it was the most natural thing in the world. Almost stubborn in his hold. Sieun’s hands slid into Suho’s hair, fingers tangling there without hesitation now.

Something in him had finally stopped resisting it. He tugged lightly, just enough for Suho to feel him. Sieun earned Suho’s quiet breath against his shoulder, humming in pleasure.

Sieun cupped Suho’s face and started kissing him softly. He started with Suho’s right cheek first. Then the left one. Of course, he wouldn’t forget the curve of his jawline. His forehead, his nose, his lips. And his mole.

Each kiss had been important. A reminder of Sieun’s tender feelings for the other man. Suho’s eyelashes fluttered, a little stunned expression on his face. He hadn’t expected such displays of affection from Sieun. 

“If I knew you’d be this cute and affectionate… ” Suho mumbled with a blush, and a little smirk. “I would’ve let you ride me much earlier.”

Sieun softly hit his arm. “Shut up.”

Suho’s laugh faded slowly, but his arms didn’t leave Sieun right away. It was like neither of them really wanted to be the first to break whatever had settled between them.

The room felt quieter now, the heat of it all still lingering in the space between their breaths.

Sieun stayed close without thinking, forehead brushing Suho’s for a moment before he realised he wasn’t moving away. 

Suho noticed, of course he did, but he didn’t tease him for it. He just held him a little longer, like it made sense to do so.

Eventually reality started to return in pieces.

The night watch would end in an hour. None of their surrounding environment would change just because they wanted it to. But Sieun wished it did, for their sake and safety.

Sieun exhaled shakily. His fingers stayed curled around Suho’s shirt, not wanting to let go at all. Suho’s warmth was comforting. 

“Sieun-ah, let’s take a walk around the patio. We can stargaze if you want.”

He met Suho’s eyes and, well. Suho smiled at him. And for some reason, even if Sieun had no way to explain it, that simple expression eased his anxiety.

“That would be lovely.” Sieun beamed as he felt Suho interlace their fingers together.

***

The next morning, Sieun couldn’t believe what happened the night before had been real. Everything was back in place. Their uniforms were clean, smoothed lines, voices of superior military soldiers echoing under sterile lights. The strict and violent nature around him etched to every millimeter spanning from the base to the building he was in. 

Sieun stood beside Suho in formation, posture rigid. The hallway was busy, yet he could hear his own thoughts and pulse thrumming under clammy skin.

It had been a tiresome morning, only four hours ago he’d shared the best night with Ahn Suho. But now he was called up front to talk to one of Baekjin’s peers who’d decide whether Sieun and Suho had improved. 

Only a few hours ago, Suho had held him like he was something precious. Now they stood shoulder to shoulder in formation, faces carefully neutral beneath the sterile lights. Everything was a tad ridiculous.

“So!” The soldier said casually, glancing between them, clipboard tucked under his arm. “You two feel closer now? Since you’ve been rotated together for night watches for over two months.” 

Before he could answer, he felt something brush against his hand.

Suho's pinkie, hidden behind their backs, found Sieun’s, curling around his finger. The touch was innocent and soft.

It shouldn't have affected him this much, after everything that had happened between them. Especially, when Suho had never been particularly subtle about his feelings.

Yet, Sieun felt his face heat up all the same. It mattered to Sieun- who wasn’t used to affection-  Suho kept freely offering it to him.

The touch was a secret reminder of how their romantic bond was allowed to exist in daylight. Sieun almost forgot to answer the soldier in front of them, flustered from such a tiny, fleeting moment. 

“Yes, sir,” Sieun mumbled without a single stammer. “It was the best resolution, we’ve learnt a lot from each other.” 

Suho, of course, looked completely unbothered.

“Definitely, it’s been an amazing bonding experience.” Suho said with a grin. “We’ve become inseparable, haven’t we?” Suho glanced at Sieun, pinkie still touching Sieun’s.

Sieun wanted to elbow him.

The officer hummed, pleased with the positive outcome, already half-lost in his own thoughts. He couldn’t care less about their actual progress but if it kept Na Baekjin happy… 

“Good, good. Then you won’t mind being assigned other duties together. We’ve got areas that need cleaning out and supplies to move. Go rest for now.” 

“Yes, we’re right on it,” Sieun affirmed.

"We'd love to," Suho added before Sieun could stop him.

The officer nodded and continued down the corridor, already writing something on his clipboard. The second he disappeared around the corner, the atmosphere among Sieun and Suho had gone comfortable again.

Suho stretched his arms above his head and started walking as he told Sieun to go rest before they had to do laundry duty. It was messing up with Sieun, though. 

He had no reason to worry or at least he thought so, but there was a dreadful gut feeling he couldn’t shake off. A carousel of emotions that spun around and around.

Sieun followed Suho but after a few steps, his boots suddenly felt rooted to the floor, heavy and bordering on unreal. His surroundings and Suho’s presence turned blurry. 

Be that as it may, though, Sieun had processed his feelings for Suho and couldn’t brush aside the necessary conversation neither men had discussed.

Suho noticed Sieun falling behind, so he turned around with a curious glint in his eyes.

“Sieun-ah?” He tilted his head.

Sieun swallowed. The hallway felt quieter now like the world had stopped around them. It was so cliché, how he’d gotten to that point where nothing else mattered than knowing where his relationship with Suho stood. 

But how could he not when everything had changed after getting to know Suho? He wouldn’t… He couldn’t let go of him. 

“About last night…” Sieun frowned at the floor like the words were easier to imagine there than confess them out loud. In the end, he met Suho’s eyes. “Was it a one time thing?”

Suho’s face softened, the usual playfulness in his mannerism simmering down. He looked attentive and serious about this. Sieun pushed himself to continue talking before he started overthinking.

“Because I’m not like that, Suho-yah.” Sieun let out a breath he didn’t he was holding. “It’s hard for me to talk about how I feel, but I have to know if you’re serious about whatever’s going on with us. Because it’s not just sex for me.”

His jaw tightened slightly, the quiet intimacy surrounding them with a patient embrace. As much as Sieun felt like a teenager, unsure and openly vulnerable for the sake of his feelings, the ache in his chest had gone away. A weight off his shoulders. 

Even if there was a real possibility that Sieun’s heart could be broken, he was brave no matter the circumstances. 

“Sieun-ah, baby.” Suho took a few steps closer as he shortened the distance between them in one swift motion. He glanced around them, making sure they were alone. Always watched. “You’ve been on my mind more than anything these past months. I…” Suho huffed as a small smile broke his demeanor. “I really, really like you. Nothing about last night was casual for me.”

The noise of chatter and boots had made their hearts halt for a short instant, before they both let out a sigh in relief when the soldiers walked toward another direction.

Sieun couldn’t help himself, the sweet excitement of Suho’s mutual feelings for him were outweighed by his instinctual pull to brood. 

“And what if somebody finds out?” Sieun arched his eyebrow. “Will you put your life on line for a person you’ve known less than a year?”

Sieun’s worries became dark clouds, stained by the sweet confession after Suho finished speaking, suspended in the sterile air of the corridor.

Sieun had no regrets or remorse for what he’d done. His sexuality had been investigated and judged by everyone except for himself.

He knew who he was, he was proud, but he hadn’t fallen in love until he met Suho. And that was the problem. He could lose Suho and hurt him deeply if they were found or they didn’t work out.

He could still feel it too clearly. The warmth of Suho’s hands, the intimate closeness between their bodies as their energies got transferred from one soul to another, the way everything had felt too natural to be something they were supposed to not want. Sieun yearned, heartache becoming a real thing to him.

He liked Suho.

Far too much for something that should’ve been a fling in military ground.

Enough that even now, he couldn’t stop replaying the way Suho had looked at him after, like he wasn’t something temporary at all.

Suddenly, Suho reached for Sieun’s hands. His fingers closed around Sieun’s like they already knew the shape of him.

“I like you, Sieun-ah.”

“I know.” Sieun looked up without meaning to. “Suho-yah, I also… I like you too.”

Suho’s mouth twitched, a breathy chuckle slipping between his lips. “You’re so cute.”

“Is liking each other enough?” Sieun’s eyebrows pulled down, grimacing sadly. “I want more for us, but I keep thinking about how this could affect you.”

“I know we’ll be fine if we do this together.” Suho squeezed his hands with a steady grip. “Sieun-ah, I can’t go back to being friends. I would’ve told you my feelings anyway even if last night hadn’t happened, even if it’s dangerous. You’re more important to me than you might realize...” Suho’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears. “I’m scared, but I’ve fallen in love with you and that’s enough for me.”

Sieun’s pupils dilated as he exhaled, heartbeat calming down. He felt immediate relief. He wasn’t alone. None of their worries vanished, but the reassurance helped Sieun let go of the tension in his body. 

It didn’t mean that things magically got easier. They were two queer men doing military service, where dangerous situations happened more often than not.  

None of it felt capable of breaking through what Suho was holding in his hands. The mere existence of their relationship had danger built in, and yet it was worth it. 

Sieun’s mouth curved upward before he could stop smiling. The kind that didn’t feel like it belonged to him alone anymore.  

“Does this mean we’re dating?” 

Sieun felt silly while asking that, a grown man who’d gone through worse, and yet there was something sweet about how Suho’s face bloomed in the loveliest shade of pink.

“I’d say so, yeah. Officially we are.”

Before Sieun could add anything in response, Suho leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. It was so light and fleeting it shouldn’t have filled Sieun’s belly with butterflies, and yet it did.

“Yah!” Sieun’s hand flew up instinctively, covering the spot like that could erase what had just happened, flustered. “Someone could see us.”

Suho looked pleased.

“I can’t help it,” Suho admitted, dimples faint in his cheeks. “You have a kissable face, how could I resist?”

Sieun groaned under his breath. How could his heart handle so much unfiltered love?

Sieun glanced down both ends of the corridor out of habit, the awareness of where they were snapping back into place for a second, before he grabbed the front of Suho’s jacket and pulled him just close enough.

He leaned forward on his tippy toes, brushing his lips against Suho’s. A sweet first kiss to celebrate the start of their relationship.

Gone almost as soon as it happened, he couldn’t even pretend it didn’t make his heart stutter. When he pulled back, their foreheads stayed pressed together for a moment too long.

“Suho-yah,” Sieun mumbled quietly. 

“Hm?”

A breath of laughter slipped out before he could stop it. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this light.

“I couldn’t resist you either.”

Then Suho’s grin widened so much it made Sieun instantly regret giving him the satisfaction, but not enough to take it back.

In fact, he might say it again and again if it meant seeing Suho smile like that. Eyes bright with something starlit and unreal.

“Let’s do this together.”