Work Text:
The Low Down
by Helena Handbasket
"Ah... Ah... Achoo!" Daniel sniffled, scrunching up his nose, and coughed mildly. He slid his eyes to the side, looking for a reaction from the surly-looking man seated a few barstools away, but the only response was a phlegm-saturated snort.
The man grunted, upended his shot glass, and slammed it on the bar, gesturing at the bartender to serve up another round.
Daniel sighed and turned back to his gin and tonic, only to be interrupted mid-drink by yet another billowing cloud of acrid smoke, which now seemed to have been blown deliberately in his direction. A few years ago he would have ceded, resignedly moving to a remote location of the restaurant, but he had changed. Everything had changed. He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves, and turned to address the uncouth patron.
"Um, excuse me?" Daniel stammered out, trying to ignore the slight squeak that had crept into his voice. "Would you mind either putting out that cigarette or moving to the smoking section?" He sniffled demonstratively and, with a wholly unnecessary tone of apology added, "Allergies."
The man ignored him. At Daniel's side, Teal'c turned his head to regard the exchange dispassionately.
"Excuse me," Daniel repeated more confidently. "But would you..."
"I heard you," growled the man, issuing another wet snort as if to imply that his mucous was worthy of less contempt than the creature attempting to address him.
"I'm sorry," said Daniel, fighting to suppress the flutter of fear that arose in his chest. Confrontation had never been his strong suit. "But technically you're not allowed to smoke here."
In a flurry of motion and a wooden clatter, the man was off of his bar stool and in Daniel's face. "Says who?"
Daniel tried desperately to ignore the foul vapors of tar and whiskey that were now besetting his senses. "Well, that sign for one thing." He inclined his head towards the prominent posting behind the bar.
"Smart guy, eh?" the drunkard belched out, taking another step to place himself well within the perimeter of Daniel's personal space.
Daniel cleared his throat awkwardly, unable to help glancing at the man's arm, which was braced firmly against the bar. Thick veins were beginning to bulge beneath his crude tattoos, which were wrought in the flat black ink characteristic of prison vintage body art. It was only the awareness of Teal'c braced in readiness behind him that kept him from backing down.
"Not so much smart as observant," he stammered. "The sign says 'No smoking.' Not really much room for interpretation there."
"Why you little..."
The punch had been thrown and deflected before Daniel could react, as if attack and response were melded into a single motion. He emitted an involuntary gasp of alarm, his eyes lingering on Teal'c's thick forearm as it hovered millimeters above his shoulder as he grasped the assailant's fist into momentary impotence.
"Take no offense, friend," Teal'c said calmly. "My companion was merely pointing out your no-doubt unintentional transgression. His comments were in no way intended to mock your illiteracy."
If he hadn't been in imminent danger of having his face smashed in, Daniel might have laughed at the remark. The man's eyes widened in fury, and Teal'c, bless him, seemed genuinely surprised that his statement had produced precisely the opposite of its desired effect.
The ogre wrenched his fist free and staggered towards Teal'c, who rose unceremoniously to his feet, towering over him. His intimidating stature was made all the more powerful by its effortlessness. The stocky man backed off, grumbling, and snatched his Marlboros and whisky off of the bar. He shuffled irritably towards the smoking section, but then paused and turned around, stalking towards Daniel with hate-filled eyes.
"You're lucky you brought your boyfriend," he spat, adding a contemptuous, "Faggot," before whirling around and stomping off to the nether regions of the bar.
When he had gone, Daniel emitted a profound sigh of relief mixed with remorse. This was Teal'c's first excursion to the world outside Cheyenne Mountain, and it sickened Daniel to think that this was his first exposure to the society of his adopted home.
As the SGC's resident cultural expert, the task of initiating Teal'c's acclimation to Earth civilization had fallen upon Daniel, and he had accepted the assignment with relish. It wasn't just academic interest that made the opportunity appeal to him. Indeed, he was far more interested in the interpersonal angle. In the few short weeks since Teal'c's arrival at the SGC he had proven himself beyond trustworthy, but Daniel felt that he had not yet been able to lay a proper groundwork of friendship with the man. He had greatly been looking forward to spending some time alone with Teal'c; he wanted them to get to know each other away from the perils of missions and the rigidity of a military base. And now this... this ugly thing had happened.
'Welcome to Earth, buddy,' Daniel thought bitterly.
Sighing, he took another sip of g&t and winced. Suddenly it tasted awful. "Teal'c, I..."
He was interrupted by the bartender, who ambled up with another round, un-asked-for. "Sorry about Wayne," he muttered, eyeing the sulking figure at the far end of the bar. "He gets a little hot sometimes, and I should have been after him about the cigarette. This round's on the house."
Daniel muttered and uncertain, "Thanks," and when the bartender had quietly retreated, he decided to begin again. "Teal'c, I..."
"Faggot," Teal'c said thoughtfully.
Blinking, Daniel shook his head and regarded his teammate in confusion. "What?"
"Faggot," Teal'c repeated. "I am not familiar with this term. Is it some colloquial form of apology?"
Oh, boy. This was going to be interesting. "Ah, no, actually," he began with awkward hesitancy. "It's... well... it's basically an extremely insulting word used to describe a man who enjoys... um... intimate physical relations with other men."
"I see," said Teal'c, displaying as much emotion as if he'd just been given the definition of the word 'brunch.'
Daniel took another drink. He hadn't initially intended to consume that second g&t, but he was beginning to reconsider.
"And what is the analogous derogatory term for a man who enjoys intimate relations with women?" Teal'c inquired.
Caught by surprise, Daniel chuckled at this. "There isn't one."
"I do not understand."
"In our society," Daniel explained measuredly, "heterosexuality – that is, sex between different genders – is the presumed standard. Homosexuality exists, of course, and is accepted by many, but there are still those who consider it a perversion – a sin against God."
"Which god? I had been given to understand that your planet was free of the Goa'uld."
"Oh, it is, but we still have the concept of gods... or rather God. Monotheism is all the rage now. Still, homosexuality is condemned by most world religions – the Christians, the Jews, the Muslims, the Hindus... The Buddhists may be off the hook, since the Dalai Lama spoke out in favor of same-sex relations a few years back, but still the canonical texts make it clear that..." He trailed off, suddenly aware that Teal'c was suffering from cultural overload. "I'll get you some literature."
Teal'c seemed grateful for the reprieve but nevertheless troubled. "But I have been informed that your government was founded upon the driving premise of personal liberty."
"In theory," Daniel replied guardedly, "but our country is in the habit of constantly redefining the populace to whom those liberties apply. For example, two hundred years ago it was legal to buy and sell certain humans based only on the color of their skin. And a hundred years ago, only men were permitted a say in the election of government officials – women were forbidden that right."
"It seems that your people have been enslaved by false promises of freedom as surely as mine are enslaved by fear."
Daniel tilted his head. "Perhaps. But our government is set up so as to be vulnerable to social change in the appropriate atmosphere, whereas the rule of the Goa'uld is totalitarian at best."
Teal'c appeared to consider this, but remained unconvinced.
"Look," said Daniel, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Most people are not like Wayne, over there." He nodded at the man who had finally ceased glaring at them in order to lay his head on the bar. "Please don't let this one experience jade you to our whole society."
"I shall endeavor to maintain an open mind."
"Good," said Daniel with immense relief. "Thank you."
They sat in silence for several moments during which each of them made a substantial dent in his second drink.
Eventually, Teal'c broke the silence. "I am curious, Daniel Jackson: when the unpleasant individual known as Wayne referred to me as your 'boyfriend.' Was he implying that..."
"That we were involved in a sexual relationship. Yes."
"I see." There was thankfully no affront in his tone.
After another long pause, he began again. "I have occasionally heard Major Carter refer to Doctor Fraser as 'girlfriend.' Does this mean that they are involved in a..."
"Don't go there, Teal'c," Daniel said abruptly.
"Why not?"
"Because (a) unlike 'boyfriend,' 'girlfriend' is a word of familiarity without any necessarily sexual subtext implied, and (b) even if there were a sexual subtext, the Air Force has a strict policy called 'Don't ask, don't tell.' Basically, it means that you're allowed to be homosexual as long as no one finds out about it. If they find out, you're out of a job with a dishonorable discharge."
"So, homosexuality is not mandatory among your warriors?"
"No," Daniel chuckled humorlessly. "In fact, it's strongly frowned upon."
"This makes little sense to me. In my culture, the prevalence of intimate relations between warriors was the cornerstone to achieving victory in battle. One fights with far greater ferocity to protect a loved one than he does for his own life."
"I know," said Daniel with a wistful sigh. "That's how the Greeks did it."
"The Greeks?"
"An ancient Earth culture that promoted a dyadic fighting style. Bisexuality was the accepted norm."
"As it is on Chulak."
"That must have been nice," said Daniel before he could think better of it.
"It was our way," came the frank reply. "An alternative would never have occurred to us."
They fell again into silence, and Daniel ordered another drink, feeling like a lush as Teal'c sipped demurely at his club soda.
"You are not a soldier of the Air Force," said Teal'c abruptly after the bartender had arrived and departed.
"No." Daniel was a tad concerned about where this was going.
"So your behavior does not fall under the auspices of this 'Don't ask, don't tell.'"
"No." Thank God he had a fresh drink.
"Then may I ask you – all rudeness aside – whether the individual known as Wayne made an accurate assessment of your personal preferences?"
Daniel squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Here was a quandary. He had arranged this evening with Teal'c, ostensibly to foster a new friendship. On one hand, the situation demanded complete honesty. On the other, Teal'c unfamiliarity with American culture might lead him to an indiscreet slip. In the end, his decision hinged on the one thing he really knew about Teal'c – that he was trustworthy.
"The fact is," said Daniel hesitantly, "that I enjoy the company of women as well as men." It was the first time he had actually said it aloud. Beyond his drunken flings in college and, of course, on Abydos, it really wasn't an aspect of his sexuality that he had explored. But there was no denying it. Particularly in the male-dominated confines of the SGC, it seemed to grow stronger every day.
"I am glad to hear it," Teal'c replied with a knowing nod. "Otherwise you might have found the marital obligations of an Abydonian lifestyle somewhat... trying."
Flushing to the roots of his hair, Daniel couldn't help but consider that, had Wayne remained conscious, he might have found ample evidence in support of his presumptive bigotry. "Ah," he said, acknowledging the secret he had assumed would never come to the fore, "you know about that, eh?"
"I do."
"Well I admit," he murmured, scratching awkwardly at the back of his head, "I was surprised to find myself in a culture where same-sex extramarital affairs were permitted... encouraged, in fact. I resisted at first, but Shau're was quite... persuasive." He swallowed with difficulty, wondering when this casual night out had turned into his personal confessional.
"I understand," said Teal'c with a wry smile, "and I wish you to know that I share similar preferences."
Daniel blushed again before he could stop himself. "That's great," he said with a little too much enthusiasm, forgetting for the moment that of all the men he had ever met, Teal'c was probably the least in need of external approval. He glanced at the muscular Jaffa, striving to quell the images that sprang unbidden to his imagination. He thought about Shau're and the interestingly liberal sex life they had shared. She would certainly have approved of Teal'c as a partner, but in her absence – was it wrong?
Clearing his throat again, Daniel shook his head to clear it of illicit images. "I... I'd advise you, though, not to be so upfront about your sexuality to others in the SGC," he went on, stammering, feeling the urgent need to exert a modicum of damage control. "They're military, you know, and – well – they're part of a different world. You are the only person, for example, in whom I have entrusted the truth of my own preferences."
"I understand." Teal'c's voice was placid. "I am grateful to you, Daniel Jackson, for educating me in the customs of your culture."
"Fucked-up as they may be."
Teal'c's lips tugged briefly into a rare smile. "Yes."
Daniel polished off his drink and set it down with an air of finality. "You want to get out of here?"
"An admirable suggestion."
On the way out, they encountered the odious Wayne, who was less coherent than ever. Loitering in the foyer, he lurched into view and grabbed the lapels of Daniel's jacket, stumbling forward and pinning him against the wall as if by sheer luck. "You're walking now," he slurred, eyes not quite focusing on Daniel's, "but try coming here without your boyfriend. I'll shove your head so far up your ass that you'll..."
"I am afraid you are under a misapprehension," said Teal'c, walking up after having been delayed by a misunderstanding at the under-utilized coat-check. "My friend and I do not enjoy a relationship of sexual intimacy." He cast a brief, sidelong glance at Daniel. "Not yet."
Wayne let go of the archaeologist and staggered away, turning to vomit in a corner as Teal'c strode confidently out, his strong hand firmly supporting Daniel at the elbow.
"Yet?" Daniel asked bemusedly once they were clear of the bar and heading for the parking lot.
"Do not mistake me, Daniel Jackson. I realize that you are spoken for."
Daniel snickered, ignoring his brain as it told him that he was drunk. "Of course. Shau're..."
"You are already aware that I know your marriage not to be an obstacle," Teal'c chided. "I was speaking of Colonel O'Neill. It is more than evident that he is a highly possessive man."
This was news to Daniel. Not unpleasant news, mind you, but news. "Jack? Possessive? Of me?!"
"Certainly," Teal'c affirmed.
"Well, just so you know, there's nothing going on between me and Jack."
"Yet."
"There's that 'yet' again." Daniel wavered by the car and then fished in his pocket for the keys. "I'm thinking you should drive."
Teal'c inclined his head graciously and opened the passenger door for Daniel, who slid into the seat with fluidity, albeit lack of grace.
"If what you say is so," said Teal'c, navigating onto the main road, "I would hypothesize that Colonel O'Neill is hampered by the 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy to which you have already alluded." He pulled back on the steering wheel hard, and Daniel had to remind him that the brake was the pedal on the floor. They screeched to a halt halfway through an intersection.
"You may be right," mused Daniel, shocking himself with his forthcomingness, "but that's not likely to change anytime soon."
"I am not convinced of this," Teal'c went on, slamming his foot down on the accelerator as the light turned green. Daniel winced and, smelling the distinct odor of burnt rubber, advised Teal'c to disengage the parking brake. "Yet it remains my belief that Major Carter and Doctor Fraser are engaged in an intimate relationship."
"I'm not going to contradict you," Daniel admitted, "but I don't see what that has to do with Jack and...turn right here. TURN RIGHT HERE!"
Teal'c wrenched the steering wheel, fishtailing the car but ultimately orienting it in the direction of Daniel's street. "My intimation is only that if Major Carter and Doctor Fraser are able to circumvent the rules, then you and Colonel O'Neill should encounter no undue opposition."
Sighing, Daniel thought about Jack and the likelihood that, in the improbable event that Teal'c's estimation was correct, he would ever make a move. His conclusion was unambiguous. "Fuck Jack."
Raising his eyebrows, Teal'c allowed his gaze to stray momentarily from the road. "Are you offering your permission?"
Daniel had to think about this. "No," he said at last. "Now that you mention it, if anyone with a dick is going to seduce Jack, I'd like it to be me."
The Jaffa offered another one of his mild smiles. "It is as I expected." The car rumbled to a stop as he pulled up to Daniel's apartment building. "If you wish, I can venture out to fetch you in the morning."
After a few moments' contemplation, Daniel came to a decision. "Why don't you come upstairs? You can spend the night here and we'll head back to base together."
Teal'c looked uncertainly at Daniel's hand, which now rested upon his well-muscled shoulder. "I fear that any secondary motives of your invitation have been induced by intoxication."
With a self-conscious wince, Daniel removed his hand. "Just to talk," he amended. "We can split a pot of coffee and chat for an hour or so. After that, we can decide whether you sleep on the couch or..."
"Or engage in intimate relations with you," Teal'c said bluntly. "Do you anticipate that this will be a course of action desirable to you?"
Daniel smiled, charmed by the alien's frank demeanor. "Immensely. But for the sake of diplomacy, let's call it an overture in the name of cross-cultural relations. Besides, what you don't know yet is that by Earth standards you're way too good for me. I feel obligated to take the opportunity before you learn better."
Teal'c reached out to stroke his cheek and then lifted his chin, blessing him with a gentle kiss. "Do not demean yourself, Daniel Jackson," he advised. "I predict that one day Colonel O'Neill will overcome his reservations and proposition you. And when this happens, you would do well to avoid such self-deprecating remarks."
Smiling more broadly, Daniel leaned in to recapture Teal'c's full lips, finding in them a longed-for solace of which he had not even been aware. "I'd better get some practice, then."
Drawing in a deep breath, Teal'c fixed him with a gaze that was all immediate desire. "In the name of diplomacy, I would be happy to assist."
End.