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“Ugh…Well, that went down like a lead balloon…” Crowley sighed heavily as he pressed the button on the remote, switching off the big flatscreen TV.
The angel beside him raised his eyebrows. “Well, what did you expect? You told those two humans only half the story, after all.”
The demon rolled his eyes. “Wot? Ssso this is my fault now? Maybe I shouldn’t have told ‘em anything at all, ‘specially that younger, dark-haired bloke who turned out to be a complete shit. Go-, Sa-, Someone’s sake, I swear I’ll never get the hang of those humans. Ya think ya know a guy…”
Now it was Aziraphale’s turn to sigh heavily. “Well, I guess we’ve both been on Earth long enough to know how they can surpass Heaven and Hell’s best and worst ideas at being good as well as evil. Sometimes in one and the same person. You know that. So do I. But I do agree that this is…not the ending I would have wanted. Or expected, for that matter, if I think back on the rather excellent take of that documentary’s season one.”
“Yeah, prob’ly should’ve remained just that standalone thing based on that book.”
“It was fairly accurate”, Aziraphale nodded, “even the additional parts that weren’t in the book…”
“Might’ve had a hand in this…”
“I thought as much. Well, maybe you should have told them the whole story, instead of stopping after the botched apocalypse and just letting it slip that we now live here in the South Downs.”
“Argh, and how should I have known that they’d end up doing something like this with that info? Killing us off? Really? And replacing us with…well, your hair looked atrocious. Your human counterpart, I mean…”
“You’re one to talk!”, the angel objected. “Your human counterpart didn’t feel like you at all. And that when they made such a good choice with the casting. They really looked and felt a lot like us in the first instalment, didn’t they?”
Crowley nodded. “That they did. ‘s just a shame, really, that shows these days tend to get such crappy, unsatisfying endings. ‘specially if they’re queer. Felt ssso blessssedly unfair!”
Aziraphale sighed. “Agreed, the political climate these days isn’t very welcoming and wholesome…and an unapologetically happy ending would have been a refreshing change. But as for TV shows…well, didn’t you tell me a few years ago that you pulled some tricks and wiles with shows that got renewed? I guess you might have smacked yourself in the face with that, or whatever the appropriate current expression for that might be.”
“I was bored, okay? Demonic urges!”
“And that’s precisely why I love you, my dear…”
“Ngk…yeah…ssame. Love you too, Angel. Anyway. Didn’t expect that stuff to blow up in my face with this one.”
“I’m sorry”, Aziraphale reached out and put an arm around his partner. “I didn’t like it much either. I mean…I’d never say these things to you or behave like that, and I know you wouldn’t speak or act or even think like that either. And…God? Well…didn’t feel quite like the God I know…or rather imagine, since God rarely if ever speaks to anyone. But…maybe there’s one good thing about this: If people think we don’t even exist, maybe even fewer people will stumble across our home and us and suspect anything.”
“Yeah, maybe…I do feel bad for the fans, though. Passionate bunch, as you know.”
Aziraphale smiled somewhat sadly. “Yes, I know. A lot of them are outcasts and misfits, just like us. Queer, neurodivergent, as they call it these days, as far as I know. This must hit a lot of them rather hard. Maybe a little blessing is overdue – what do you think? Should we combine our powers and send some good vibes out there? Goodness knows the world needs it anyway.”
“Sounds like a good idea, actually. I can add in some humour and mischief.”
“They’ll be alright, I’m sure. Humans are good at surviving.”
Crowley sighed. “Maybe I never should’ve said anything to anyone at all…”
“Oh, Crowley, no! No. That other one, the one who sadly passed away, he seemed like a receptive person. And just look what an impact that story of ours has had on so many people. It was a good thing to share this. The fact that they now botched the ending doesn’t have to take away from the good this book and the TV documentary series has done. I don’t think all those who found a place through our story would want it to never have existed for them. It’s out there, and that’s good. You did something good, dear boy, something nice.”
“Yeah, ssstop it, will ya…”
The angel chuckled. “No need to blush, dearest, you don’t have to hide it. We’re retired, you know that.”
Crowley grumbled something and rolled his eyes. Aziraphale placed a small kiss on his cheek and just shook his head good-humouredly.
“Maybe I should’ve told ‘em everything instead? The whole truth? All of what happened between the ApocaNope and our retirement?”
The angel shrugged and smiled somewhat ambiguously. “Do you honestly think anyone would have believed what really happened?”
The demon raised his shoulders. “Well, ‘s prob’ly not more outlandish than whatever this version we got here was just now, sooo…I dunno…”
Aziraphale’s smile widened. “Maybe some of the fans writing their own stories on what truly happened have come quite close to the truth. In fact, I do believe some got closer than they’ll ever realise. At any rate, given time, and with a little miracle of ours, I do hope and trust that the people will be fine. They usually are. And they have each other…and they have us, even if they don’t really know it.”
Now, Crowley managed a lopsided smile as well. “Yeah, I s’ppose. They have each other…and us…and we have each other, too. And I wouldn’t change this, what we got here, for anything. Whatever that story we just watched was, this is…well, maybe not our happy ending, since nothing ever really ends, but…it was certainly a happy new beginning…”
Aziraphale smiled at him brightly. “It was indeed. And I feel the same, and I trust we’ll be here for a very long time indeed, in this…new beginning of ours. Here’s to retirement…and to miracles…”
“And to the world and the humans…and to us.”
“Yes. Here’s to us.”
Whether they actually had any drinks to toast with is not really important. What is important is that they did send their little miracle out into the world and that, even though they’re retired from working for Heaven and Hell, they still gladly pursue their new task: watching over Earth and its inhabitants. And somewhere, hidden well away with a couple of minor spells, on the coast of the South Downs, close to Devil’s Dyke, there’s an inconspicuous cottage with a lush garden and a garage with an old Bentley inside. You may find it by accident. You may also spot two unusual, large birds – one light, one dark – flying across the shoreline now and again. Don’t think too much about that – these are perfectly ordinary seagulls…or are they?