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A lengthy sigh escaped through parted lips, eyes glued to the ceiling fan as it spinned and spinned in a continuous rhythm. The sun was already setting behind the snowy mountains that surrounded the small little town, making space for the Moon to take its place in the sky.
Birthdays were dumb. So utterly, fucking dumb. A day supposedly to celebrate someone’s birth, another year passing and another year where he got closer and closer to a destiny of adult responsibilities that were imposed on him since the day he was born, before he could even learn how to open his green little eyes.
Still, a day promised to be full of happiness and celebration, Kyle lay alone on his bed, not feeling that joy that usually came with the date. Sure, he was thirteen years old and he was too young to be swimming in such an identity crisis riddled with fear and animosity, but he couldn't help it. Growing up was hard. Being a good, straight-a student his parents demanded of him was getting harder and harder. Why was he, as a pre-teen, thinking about the SAT and college? There will be a moment where he will have to be independent and learn to leave South Park behind, chase after his college degree and make a name for himself.
Back then, when he’d been practically vibrating in elation, desperately trying to sleep so that he’d wake up to his birthday already, or when he’d go to school and his friends would crowd him and congratulate him—except for Cartman, of course.
Now, on a Saturday night, he waited for at least a message from his friends congratulating him, but it seems they have forgotten. Not Kenny or Stan have even stopped by to say hello. He couldn’t give a shit about Cartman, honestly, not really expecting him to come anyways. Still, he couldn’t help but hurt.
The only person to send him a message was Craig, but he knew that was only because Tweek probably forced the raven to do so. It was a conjoined message from the couple. Kyle bitterly thought about how they lasted more than he expected. Not because he wanted to date one or the other, but because of how they managed to get through things together. And maybe he's sad he doesn't have a boyfriend.
God, this sucked. The need to grab his phone and dial Stan, to invite him over and let himself cry in his presence, to let himself rest in the comfortable warmth he had the privilege of knowing since he was basically born. His phone was right there, Kyle just needed to reach out for it.
But Kyle was prideful, if not petty. If Stan thought it was okay to forget his birthday, then so be it. Maybe, when it was October 19, he could also mysteriously forget why the day was so special to him. Not even spare his super best friend a glance, and certainly not make those peanut butter chocolate chip cookies Stan loves so much.
Blowing air out his lips listlessly, Kyle turned on his side, curling into himself as he watched the stars sparkle in the night sky. Kyle then came to the conclusion that he envied them. He envied the stars. As years came to pass, people will still look up to the vast space above them and focus their sights on a little spot of light, small to them, but large and distant as they situated themselves in the darkness far away. Humans will stare at the stars and compose songs about love, write stories about the galaxies, and craft prose about exploring the unknown, far away in the universe where it’s dark. Then, once the stars served their purposes and began to tire, they would explode in a breathtaking array of different colors, mingling beautifully with each other as it displayed for the last time their eccentric beauty. They would say goodbye to those who admired them down here on earth, and leave carrying the love and devotion humans had given them as they existed, and continued to exist for the human eye.
But Kyle? Kyle would continue living a life of monotony, plagued by what-ifs as he lay to sleep in a lonesome bed and left to wonder what he could’ve achieved in his life. He would live on, being admired by no one and would rest his body once it was his time; a decaying, putrid corpse.
The redhead curled into himself, feeling tears well into his eyes and one by one, leaving wet trails down his flushed cheeks as they fell. A sob, followed by a pitiful whimper escaped through his lips as he hugged himself tight.
Where was Stan, anyway? The boy who promised to be by his side no matter what? Where was the black haired boy he had come to love unconditionally through the years? The stupid little crush he thought would go away turned into red cheeks when he was enveloped in warm arms, a tremulous voice when Stan complimented those frizzy red curls of his, and a feeling of dread when he looked at Kyle as if he was the only thing to ever exist; as if he were Stan’s personal star.
Kyle blinked out of his thoughts when a pebble hit his window, followed by another and another. Lifting himself off of the bed, he wiped his tears away in the best attempt he could, stepping forward until he stood right in front of his window. When he looked down, his heartbeat seemed to accelerate and his ears felt warmer than before, the tips becoming a soft pink. Stan stood there, underneath the glow of the Moon with his guitar draped over his shoulder as he waved with a grin displayed on his round face.
Even if Kyle wanted to scowl at his best friend, he couldn’t. Stan was his biggest weakness. A watery laugh came from deep within his lungs as he stared at the raven, eyes welling with tears once more due to his overwhelming feelings of happiness and relief.
Sliding his window open, Kyle stuck his head out, waving giddily. He turned to sit back on the edge of his bed, waiting for Stan to climb up the trellis.
It wasn’t too long until hands appeared on the windowsill, a body hoisting itself up and placing a foot one by one into the room.
“Hey, dude.”
Kyle smiled softly, setting his grief aside. “What took you so long?” The redhead quirked a brow, sending Stan a curious look.
“Well…” he said, voice soft and gentle, “I actually spent the whole day preparing you a surprise. It turned out to be harder than I thought, that’s why I took so long…” Stan scratched the back of his neck, a bashful expression forming on his face.
“Oh,” Kyle whispered, feeling stupid and guilty for having thought for a second that Stan would really forget about his birthday. The redhead looked down, his hands curling into fists atop his lap.
A hand settled on his shoulder, and Kyle lifted his chin to see Stan standing in front of him now. “I’m still sorry I wasn’t able to come earlier. I got really focused on this surprise and I really wanted to get it perfected before showing you.”
“Don’t worry Stan, I wasn’t sad or anything…” A lie.
“I’m still sorry,” Stan replied, settling next to Kyle on the plush bed. “I could’ve sent you a message, at least.”
Despite having sat closer to Stan many times before, he couldn’t help but feel nervous jitters crawling up his spine. Today, for some reason he couldn’t place his finger on, felt different. Both boys on Kyle’s bed, no lights except for the Moon casting its ethereal light upon them. Kyle’s green eyes met blue, and there was something unusual to those eyes. Something he hadn’t seen before. Although, he decided to not think any deeper of this. Futile hope would leave him craving for dreams that he knew wouldn’t be fulfilled.
“So, what’s this surprise you mentioned?”
“Oh, yeah,” Stan exclaimed. “So, I know it’s really fucking corny and gay, but…” he trailed off, twisting his guitar and adjusting his position so that he could grip it correctly. “I want to sing you a song.”
Kyle blinked. A song? Stan was going to sing him a song? Yes, he knew Stan had sung for him many times before, but it was always to show him a random song he was working on for Crimson Dawn or a simple cover of a song they liked, but Stan never outright sang him a song before. A song for him, for that matter. “Y-You… want to sing me a song?”
“Dude, I’ve been working really hard on this, okay?” Stan seemed to be avoiding direct eye contact with him now, eyes fixated on the strings of his guitar.
“N-no! I’m excited, Stan,” Kyle said, now placing a hand on the raven’s knee, giving it a soft squeeze. “Really, I’m really glad you’re doing this.”
Stan's eyes peered down to Kyle's hand for a second before he cleared his throat, giving his guitar a few strums before he started playing the melody. Kyle thought for a second and he thought his heart might have stopped when his mind recognized the tune.
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It’s only right, to think about the boy you love
And hold him tight
So happy together
Kyle’s hands started to tremble, cold settling in the depths of his guts as they clenched. This was gay. This was very gay. Sure, they had done many gay things before but this one took the cake. This wasn’t even super best friends level of gay, this was confessing their love to each other and kissing level of gay. Was Stan confessing? Oh my God. Was this really happening? ‘No,’ Kyle thought, ‘I can’t get my hopes up. He’s confessing his love for me as friends, obviously.’
I can't see me loving nobody but you, for all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies will be blue, for all my life
Me and you, and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
Stan continued to sing with his melodic voice, calloused fingers strumming the strings of his old guitar, its tune flowing through them in the dark room. The cool wind from outside blew past them, as the window was left open and they were enveloped in the Moon's dusted powdered sugar, the emotions so raw in that space at that moment Kyle could pretend it was sparkling as Stan sang. Kyle shut his eyes and became a pendulum, swaying from one side to another as he matched the song's slow rhythm, heart overflowing with joy and love for his best friend.
As the song was slowly reaching its end, Kyle felt a small sheen of stinging tears glistening over his irises. Stan always outdid himself when he wanted to gift Kyle something, and this might be the best one to date.
The redhead hadn't even realized the song had come to an end until he felt a feathery touch wiping his tears away, so softly that he almost hadn't felt it. Kyle met Stan's gaze, and there they let the moment stretch as both boys stayed in silence, simply existing together, far away in their own special universe where Kyle was the big star and Stan was the solar system orbiting around him, like it had always been.
The warmth of Stan's hand cupped Kyle's cheek, and at that moment, both boys felt as if they were crossing an unspoken line. Neither of them cared, too focused on each other's heavy breathing.
“Stan?” Kyle whispered, and Stan hummed in response. Kyle noticed how Stan's eyes flitted to his lips for a moment as they shuffled closer together. “I love you…”
“I love you too, dude,” he breathed.
“No, Stan. I love, love you. As in, I'm in l-love with you,” Kyle stuttered, voice cracking due to his nerves.
“I know.”
Not a second later, Stan was pressing his lips against Kyle's, a touch so delicate and tender the redhead felt like he would melt. They parted slowly, faces still close together. Kyle gulped, tongue flicking out to moisten his lips. At least he wasn't alone drowning in nerves, seeing as he could feel Stan's shaky hand on his cheek.
“Happy birthday, Kyle,” Stan murmured, effectively breaking the silence.
Both boys burst into a fit of giggles, their faces almost being split apart because of the wide grin they both sported.
And there was the Moon and her children, the stars, witness to the shared kisses and words of affection between Stan and Kyle. Maybe the redhead envied the stars, but little did he know, the raven next to him admired him the same ways humans came to admire the celestial body up above.