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⧗
How Yelena let Val talk her into this mission is beyond her. But as soon as Val started talking about the kids she'd be saving from the assholes who's trafficking them, she was in. So here she is at some fancy, rich socialite gala. Her hair is slicked back, tight black dress with a slit up the thigh that's a little too high for her liking. The goal was to dress to gain the attention of the rich broker who is carrying a flash drive of the locations of where the girls have been taken. The goal has been achieved as the blonde has been standing at the bar nursing a drink, listening to Richard drone on about himself. Richard is dressed in a poorly fitted suit, his sleazy black hair combed over one side to hide the fact he was balding.
"I made so much money for Fisk this year. It's probably part of the reason he got elected as mayor, " Richard brags as he inches far to close for comfort into Yelena's space.
"Oh is that so?" Yelena replies, looking down at her drink. Internally debating whether another drink will make this night go any faster, when suddenly Richard's wrinkled old hand wraps around Yelena's upper arm, fingers squeezing her bicep as he leans in to whisper in her ear.
"I got some exotic shipments coming in sweetheart, would you like to go back to my place to indulge?" He says with a smirk.
The widow freezes in place. She's no longer in the present, instead she is thrust back into the past. Memories of old missions flood her senses..hands grabbing and groping..forced to seduce men much older than her.
A calm and familiar voice breaks through her memories, bringing her back into the present.
"Sorry Dick but she's gonna have to pass up on the offer. I'm afraid we have a date planned later," Kate Bishop's low voice enters the blonde's ears, her hand removes Richard's from Yelena's arm.
Kate brings her hand to the small of the blonde's back. An unspoken communication. I'm here. It's okay. The archer has a smile on her face but Yelena knows the Hawkeye well enough that smile is forced and Kate is holding back her anger through it. The Hawkeye is wearing her all black suit with her hair in a pony tail.
"It's Richard actually. Maybe another time then. Enjoy your evening ladies," Richard scoffs, looking slightly annoyed while leaving the bar.
"Yeah, I don't think so…dick," Kate scoffs. Turning to face Yelena she asks, "Are you okay?"
The archer's question is soft concern and she carefully removes her hand from Yelena's back. Immediately the blonde misses the warmth of her palm, how the Hawk's touch brought different feelings than Richard's.
"Yes, I am okay Kate Bishop. You seem to have let our target get away," Yelena says with a frown.
"Or did I?," Kate says with a devilish grin, pulling a flash drive out of her suit pocket.
The blonde swipes the drive from Kate's hand, inspecting it in her own. It was drive they needed. "How did you get this Kate Bishop?"
"Well, ole sleaze ball was a little distracted having his hands on you," Kate states. Yelena notices the hidden anger come back, a crinkle forms between the archer's eyes. She itches to reach out and smooth it out, but she holds herself back.
"So I did a little one, two, switcheroo with the fake drive. Idiot left the drive in his suit pocket. Super easy to do a little switch he never felt before interrupting his offer to you," Kate beams looking a little proud of herself.
"Well, done Kate Bishop. Let's get out of here and drop the drive off to Val. My feet are starting to hurt in these heels," Yelena says as she reaches up with both hands to smooth the lapels on Kate's suit.
"Yeah I bet, those do not look comfy," Kate frowns as she looks down at Yelena's shoes. "Do you wanna come back to my place after we drop off the drive? I can order pizza and I'm sure Lucky would love to see you," the archer asks with a small smile.
The widow hesitates. She should go back to the Tower. She knows that this mission has brought up old memories that will no doubt result in nightmares for the next week or maybe even two. She doesn't want Kate to know how broken she really is.
But almost as if sensing her inner dilemma Kate speaks softly, "I know you don't like to talk about your past missions with the Red Room, but I have a feeling tonight might have brought up some things. Especially when that creep had his hand on you. You don't have to tell me about them. But I'd feel better if you came over. Just..humor me."
"Okay Kate Bishop," Yelena breathes out feeling her resolve crumble. "You did promise me pizza and I'm sure Lucky is dying to me," she jokes.
Kate laughs as they start to walk out to the driver waiting for them, perks of Kate being rich. "Oh, I'm sure. And Yelena?" Kate asks slowing to a stop. Yelena also slows and turns to face her. Whatever Kate is about say must be serious because normally she is fine with talking and walking a million miles a minute.
"I also promise that you'll never have my hands where you don't want them. I will never touch you if you don't want me to. I..never want you to feel uncomfortable with me..or me touching you. I know I'm a rather touchy person and a hugger but don't feel obligated that you have to with me. It's your choice and your body, Lena. Whatever you choose to give, is up to you," Kate says earnestly, looking her in the eyes.
And damn that Kate Bishop. She might just be the death of her. With these kind thoughts and honest words.
➳
Kate Bishop is selfish. Selfish in the way she wants to protect Yelena. Which is a little silly, the blonde could kill her in 100 different ways. She knows the the blonde is more than capable of protecting herself physically, but emotionally? Kate thinks she's a little less lethal at that. Which brings her to inviting said assassin back to her apartment after the mission. The archer knows Yelena is more affected by tonight's events then she is letting on. Which is why Kate insisted on having her come back to the apartment. And if she used Lucky as a bait? No harm, no foul.
"Here's some better clothes than that uncomfy dress," the brunette says as she offers Yelena a soft t-shirt and sleep shorts.
Yelena looks up from where she had been sitting on the couch. Kate sees her process what she just said, seeming to be a little lost in thought.
"Oh..yes. Thank you, Kate Bishop," she says as takes the clothes from Kate and walks to the bathroom to change.
Kate watches her go, wondering what memories she may be fighting against. Her heart aches for the Russian. So much pain and suffering she has endured, more than any one person should. She lets out a shaky breath, deciding to order that pizza she promised the blonde. A distraction that's needed because if she continues to ponder Yelena's past she'll end up crying and that's not what Yelena needs from her.
The crack of the bathroom door opening breaks Kate out of her thoughts. The widow steps out in her old purple archery team shirt and purple shorts to match. Her face is free from make up and hair falling around her face, no longer slicked back.
She looks soft and still a little out of sorts, as if she is deciding where in time she is. Past or present. She walks back over to the couch, sitting down carefully. Lucky gets up from where he had been resting in dog bed, goes over and places his head on Yelena's lap. This action seems to ground the blonde some, a small smile graces her lips as she reaches out to thread her fingers through Lucky's fur.
Good boy.
The doorbell rings and Kate moves to answer the door, the promised pizza must have arrived. After tipping the delivery boy and shutting the door, Kate turns back to the living room. Yelena, still running her fingers through Lucky's fur, sitting on her couch probably picking out some silly baking show for them to watch. So yeah, Kate thinks. A little selfish because she could get used to this.
⧗
Yelena Belova is selfish. She is selfish in agreeing to come back to Kate Bishop's apartment. She knows she should go back to her room at the Tower, lock her self in for the next couple weeks. There's not doubt that this mission will no doubt bring weeks of nightmares and unwelcome memories. So she is selfish in agreeing to come home with Kate. Selfish in the fact that she is not really present in her mind, her attention not focused on the archer and her questions about what kind of pizza the blonde wants tonight.
She's pulled from her thoughts when Kate offers her clothes to change into, Kate's old college shirt and shorts. Yelena takes the shirt and shorts, heads to Kate's bathroom to change. Once she's alone in the small bathroom, she looks at herself in the mirror. Her makeup and hair still done up from the party, the revealing dress, and the way her hands shake a little from the events tonight.
Immediately Yelena begins scrubbing her makeup off, fixing her hair into a more comfortable style for the night. Sheds the offending dress on the floor, as if she can wash and undress all the memories tonight has bring. She pulls on the outfit from Kate, soft worn t-shirt that smells like the archer's body wash, and comfy shorts. Bringing the collar of the shirt to her nose to inhale Kate's scent, the revelation that even the smell of Kate brings her so much comfort.
With that thought, the Russian exits the bathroom. She settles back onto the couch, Lucky coming over to rest his head in her lap. She brings a hand up to stroke his head, the feeling of his soft fur grounding her. The blonde sets her mind to scrolling Kate's Netflix, intent on finding some awful baking show to distract her. She vaguely hears the doorbell ring and sees Kate go to answer. Looking over she watches Kate pay for the pizza and turn back towards the living room. Kate locks eyes with Yelena, a look of something she can't quite place crosses her face as she gives the blonde a small smile. Here in Kate Bishop's apartment just feels natural, like she belongs here. So yeah, Yelena thinks. A little selfish because she could get used to this, finding terrible shows and coming home to Kate and Lucky.
⧗
Yelena wakes with a gasp, shooting up to a sitting position. The feeling of hands grabbing and groping her everywhere still linger. Breathing heavily, she takes a minute to remember where is she is. Looking around she takes stock of the room, purple curtains frame the window, arrows on dressers, a small poster of Hawkeye on the wall next to the bedroom door. The poster that she always makes fun of Kate Bishop having…Kate. That's right, she's in Kate's apartment, she's safe. The blonde lets out a shaky sigh, her hands coming up to rub her face. Vaguely she hears Kate moving on the other side of the bed. The archer always seems to know when something is wrong with Yelena. It'd almost be a little annoying that Kate can read her so well if it wasn't so damn endearing.
Shuffling over to the side of the bed, Yelena gets up to sit by the window. She can't stand to face Kate right now, doesn't want her to see the vulnerability this nightmare has brought up.
Unfortunately Kate makes that decision for her.
"Lena? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
She hears Kate's feet hit the floor, cautious steps creeping up behind her. Yelena turns to face her. The Hawkeye's hair is wild and sticking up in different directions from sleep, she steps close. A tentative hand reaches out, the brunette's head tilts to one side, an unspoken question. Can I touch you?
Wrapping her arms around herself, Yelena rapidly shakes her head no. It's not that she doesn't want the archer's touch…more than anything she does want it. But the disgusting feeling of all the hands that had no permission to touch her are still fresh in her mind and she does not want to contaminate Kate Bishop's warm, soft touch with those memories.
"Okay, Lena that's fine. No touching," Kate's hand retreats back to her side. "How about you come sit down? Until you're ready to go back to sleep?" Kate asks softly.
It'd be easier Yelena thinks, to disappear out the window, lock herself in her room in the Tower until these nightmares pass. She's done it before, run away instead of facing her emotions. But Kate is looking at her with such hope and warmth that Yelena finds herself slowly walking to the bed, gently sitting down on the edge. Kate gives her a small smile and also sits, leaving enough room that they're not touching.
"I'm gonna take a guess and assume the nightmare was about tonight's mission?" Kate inquires quietly.
Wrapping her arms a little tighter around herself, Yelena gives a small nod.
"Oh, Lena I'm so sorry. I should have gotten there sooner."
"It is fine Kate Bishop. Nothing I haven't dealt with before and I'm sure I'll have to deal with it again," she shrugs.
That seems to be the wrong thing to say because Kate is on her feet moving to kneel in front of Yelena.
"Hey..no it's not okay. You shouldn't have to deal with it at all. You never should have had to experience that. I'm sorry no one ever protected you," Kate speaks this not with pity but with anger. Kneeling in front of Yelena, she can see the archer's fist closed with anger and restraint of wanting to reach out.
"From now on when we run missions together, you won't be doing those types of missions. We can figure out something else…or I'll be the distraction."
The thought of Kate using herself as bait for filthy rich perverts is enough to break Yelena out of her spiral. She launches herself at Kate, wrapping her arms around the archer and burying her face into Kate's strong shoulder.
"No! No, Kate Bishop," it almost comes out as a whine as she shakes her head.
She feels Kate wrap one arm around her back and the other at the back of her head, fingers threading through the baby hairs there.
"Okay, it's okay. No one will be doing those types of missions then okay? We will figure out other ways. It's okay," Kate gently says.
Yelena squeezes Kate a little harder, like she's afraid the archer will disappear. Kate Bishop might be the death of her. Always looking out for her well being, putting Yelena's safety in front of her own. They stay there for awhile until Yelena has calmed down. Kate must feel her relax because ever so gently the archer pulls back enough to look Yelena in the eyes. Kate's hand slides down from the back of her neck to cup her cheek gently.
"I can't erase the pain from your past and I'm sorry you had to experience everything alone. But I can promise to make sure you're always comfortable. Whether it be with me or on missions. I promise you'll never have my touch if you don't want it."
There are unshed tears in both Yelena's and Kate's eyes as they look at each other. The blonde leans her face in Kate's hand as she says, "You are too kind for this world Kate Bishop."
The brunette sighs as she strokes her thumb on the widow's cheek, "I'm just sorry the world hasn't been kind to you Yelena Belova."
Kate Bishop and her damn kind words.
➳
Knowing Yelena's state of mind from the mission earlier, it's no surprise to Kate Bishop that she wakes to find the Russian reeling from a nightmare. It breaks her heart to see Yelena standing at the window, arms folding in on herself looking so small. It seems wrong as the blonde is always big with confidence and sure of herself.
Letting Yelena suffer alone in the wake of nightmare is not acceptable so Kate approaches her much like she would a wounded animal. She steps forward, loud enough for the widow to hear her approach and raises a hand up in question. It's not a big surprised to Kate that her question to touch is denied. Respecting Yelena's decision she drops her hands to her sides, though her hands form into fist as she resists the urge to reach out. It's not what the blonde needs from her and she will not push her to break any boundaries. As much as Kate aches to reach out and hold the blonde, she refrains, opting to try and start a conversation. Pull Yelena out of the past with words rather than touch.
Kate likes to think she has gotten to know Yelena pretty well by now so she has a pretty good idea the widow is about to jump out her window and disappear into the night. And every time Yelena does it breaks Kate's heart, to know she's out there suffering alone. So, this time Kate convinces her to stay, to come back and sit on the bed.
"It is fine Kate Bishop. Nothing I haven't dealt with before," Yelena speaks it so casually. As if she has no right to be traumatized by past abuse. As if she knows she is expected to keep being subjugated to touches she does not want.
The anger boils up in Kate, threatening to over flow. No. She will never let this happen again. And she's angry anyone let it happen in the first place. Sad for the little girl no one protected. But she can protect Yelena now. Not physically, even with the best training Kate is no match for her physically. So no, maybe the brunette can't protect her in that way but she can in another. She can protect the blondes heart. And so she makes Yelena that promise.
Kate promises no more of those mission, opting to find another way. Or instead, Kate can play the bait. But the way Yelena reacts to that, nearly knocking the breath out of Kate's lungs as she launches herself into Kate's arms, changes her mind.
"No! No, Kate Bishop," is the whine that comes from Yelena, slightly muffed from where she has her head buried in Kate's shoulder. Her arms instantly tighten around the trembling woman and she revises her promise. None of those types of missions, for either of them.
Kate sways them a little as she feels Yelena slowly soften in her arms. Absent mindly stroking the baby hairs at the blonde's neck and whispering gentle reassurances.
It's okay. You're safe.
When Kate no longer feels the widow shaking, she slides the hand down from her neck to cup her cheek. The privilege of being able to do that is not lost on Kate. She has witnessed several of their friends and teammates try and make contact with Yelena and end up on a receiving end of punch or judo flip. All the contact had been with good intention: a pat on the back after a well executed mission or a touch on the shoulder while passing by in the tight kitchen of the Tower. But after a lifetime of trauma associated with unconsenting touches, it's no surprise the blonde reacts that way. All of Yelena's trauma would be enough to make anyone else look at the world with such anger and no hope. But under the intense Black Widow personality, is the soft and caring Yelena Belova. The one who gently helps Bob regain control when he feels The Void creeping back in, the one who reassures freshly saved widows that things will get better and helps them start a new life. The one that let's the archer see all of her and trusts her not to see a monster. Being able to have this trust with Yelena is what brings Kate to reiterating her promise.
You will never have my touch if you don't want it.
Kate feels the Russian's body begin to sag against her, exhaustion of having to relieve past memories seemly catching up to her.
"How about we try and sleep again?" Kate murmurs as she gently guides Yelena back to the bed.
Holding up the edge of the covers, she waits for Yelena to slip under them before tucking her in. Walking around to the other side, Kate lifts the covers and slides in herself. Laying on her back with her arms crossed over stomach, Kate glances over to Yelena's form. She's currently on her side facing away from Kate, arms wrapped around herself in a way that Kate knows she's afraid to try and sleep again. Before Kate even gets the chance to say anything, she hears a timid whisper.
"Kate Bishop?"
"Yeah?"
"Would…would hold me?"
Kate's heart breaks for the timid and shy way Yelena requests this. Almost if she is afraid Kate will say no, that she doesn't want anything to do with her, that she sees a monster she believes herself to be.
"Yeah, of course I can. Come here," Kate replies turning to face Yelena with her arms spread out.
Yelena rolls over and shuffles into Kate's body. One arm tucked to the Yelena's chest while the other grabs a fist full of Kate's shirt, almost like she's afraid Kate isn't real or will disappear. Her head comes to rest on the archer's collar bone. Once she's settled, Kate wraps her arms around the blonde, holding her tightly to her chest. On instinct Kate runs her hand up Yelena's back in a soothing gesture.
"You can sleep. You're safe. I'm right here," Kate whispers softly in the blonde's hair. She presses a kiss to the crown of Yelena's head. Nothing would make her leave this bed. There could be a world ending crisis going on right now and Kate couldn't care less. Not when she has the most important person in her life in her arms right now.
Is it a little selfish? Maybe.
If being selfish is wanting to protect the one that Kate lov- cares deeply about, then sue her.
⧗
When Yelena crawls back under the covers, she thinks there's no way she will be able go back to sleep tonight. Not without more nightmares and she really, really has no interest in doing that again. She feels the bed dip behind her with Kate's body weight. Yelena can feel the archer's eyes staring at the back of her head, can almost feel the tension of wanting to reach out and touch radiating off her. But Kate does not. Because she's such a gentlemen at respecting Yelena's boundaries and won't touch her unless Yelena asks. The widow aches to have Kate's strong arms around her, the warmth of her touch so different than those touches of the past.
So why resist?
At that thought, Yelena braves her own vulnerability of needing comfort and she asks Kate to hold her. And of course Kate agrees. So now, Yelena is wrapped in Kate Bishops arms, face pressed into the archer's neck like it belongs there. And she wonders why she has been depriving herself of this for so long. Maybe because she was afraid of being selfish. For wanting comfort from Kate and not knowing how to ask. Selfish in the way she knows she can not give certain things to Kate. Even though logically she knows her Hawkeye would never expect her to give anything and Kate never expects anything in return. Maybe because she is afraid Kate will really see the monster the Red Room has made her.
Those thoughts are silenced though as she feels a kiss being pressed to her head. "You can sleep. It's okay. I'm here," Kate murmurs against her temple breaking Yelena out of her daze.
"Thank you, Kate Bishop," Yelena breathes out softly, pressing her face more firmly against Kate's neck while clenching and unclenching her fist in Kate's shirt. She feels her body relax against the archer's.
Is it selfish? Maybe.
If it is selfish for seeking comfort from the one she lov- cares about most in this world, then sue her.
⧗➳
Wrapped in each other's comfort, they both drift off to sleep. Kate makes sure Yelena is the one to fall asleep first. Keeping watch over the blonde for any signs of distress and whispering reassuring words when needed. Kate twists her neck so she can see Yelena's face. In sleep, the assassin looks much younger, unguarded without having to assess everything as a threat, unburdened by memories tries to force their way to the surface. Kate knows this is no small thing for a widow to sleep this deep, as they were trained to sleep light. This causes warmth of protectiveness and pride in Kate's chest at the acknowledgment that Yelena feels safe here. Safe with her. Satisfied at this, Kate lets her heavy eyelids slip shut. Pulling Yelena even closer to her chest as a final protective move, Kate finally lets herself drift off to sleep.
Yelena is the first to wake the next morning. Her hand still fisted in the front of Kate's shirt, like she was afraid the archer would disappear in the middle of the night. Their legs are still tangled together and the archer's arms still wrapped tightly around Yelena. Slowly, she raises her head off Kate's chest to spare a look at the sleeping woman's face. Kate is snoring softly, face free from any signs of worry. Knowing the archer stayed up much later than her, she tucks her face back into the crook of the brunette's neck. Decides to join her in sleeping in a little later. Because with Kate Bishop, her Hawkeye, she feels safe enough to do so.
Later they when they wake, they will have to decide whether to acknowledge that something changed between them that night. There will be other obstacles to face and over come. Missions that may go wrong, injuries neither one could prevent or memories from the past to be brought up. But the comfort of knowing they have each other is enough to carry on.
⧗➳