Archive of Our Own

“Jisung, if Felix is going, I can’t go. Do you realize how awkward that would be for all of us?” 

“Felix is going, you know he is, and you know you have to go too. We’ve all done this for the past four years. And what? Now that you and Felix hate each other you’re going to let that ruin it for the rest of us?”

Hyunjin sighed, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I don’t hate Felix. I could never hate Felix,” he retorted. “You seriously cannot expect me to have to be around him for a week and act like nothing happened.”

Jisung could be heard exhaling for a long moment on the other end of the phone as he shuffled around. “You exist in the same friend group. Both of you have spent the past five months taking turns avoiding group hang outs. And that’s really fucking annoying, Hyunjin. I- We all miss the eight of us hanging out. It can’t be like this forever, and especially not on this trip.”

“Ji-“

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, Jin. It’s your choice, either come or don’t. But we all really want you there. It’s late, I have work tomorrow. I’ll talk to you later, ‘kay?”

“Okay. Thank you, Ji. Goodnight.”

He had turned off his phone while inhaling a breath of air and holding it for what was probably too long, before he began to think about his Jisung’s words. 

Five months of choosing to not attend hang outs with his best friends simply because Felix would be there. Five months of rarely leaving his apartment if it wasn’t to go to his classes or work or spend time one on one with Jisung, Jeongin, or Changbin. Five months since the words had left his mouth that he would regret for seemingly the rest of his life. 

“I can’t keep doing this, Felix.” 

The first time in nearly two years where he had called Felix by his name rather than “Lix” or “baby.”

“I can’t keep waiting around for you to have time for me.” His voice had trembled as he watched Felix’s expression fall. “We haven’t been on an actual date in over a month. I haven’t fallen asleep with you beside me in a week. And that hurts. That hurts me so much.” 

Felix opened his mouth to speak, but all that let out was a shaky breath. Hyunjin could see the tears that had long since formed in his eyes. All he wanted to do in that moment was pull Felix into his arms, apologize over and over, but it was too far gone for that. He had hurt Felix, and he had hurt himself. 

After letting out a jagged breath, Felix shook his head, staring down at his lap. “What? I- I thought you understood. You said you understood. You know how much this means to me, you know why I’m doing this.” His lips had quivered as he spoke, and finally he looked up through his lashes at the man sitting in front of him. “I thought you cared.”

“I do care, Felix.” Hyunjin found himself shifting in his place on the couch. He had ruined everything. He was watching the boy whom he had grown to care for more than himself slip through his fingers. “I just miss you. I miss falling asleep holding you. I miss taking you out on dates. I miss when we could just sit and talk for hours. Now I’m lucky if we can even eat dinner together once a week. I miss y-“

“Stop! Stop it, Hyunjin. I can’t… you said it was okay. You said you understood. I know I haven’t been around that much lately, I fucking know that. It hurts me too.” Felix’s voice broke more with every word. “I hate running back and forth between classes, coming home, and studying until three in the morning. I miss you too. But this will all be over after finals are done. All my time will be yours again, I promise. Please believe that.”

Hyunjin inhaled through his nose, closing his eyes for a second before reopening them. “I can’t, Lix. I can’t keep pretending that’s the truth. When finals are over, you’ll work more. It’s the same way every time you catch a break. I can’t keep waiting for you because it’s hurting me. I want to so bad. I’ll always love you, but I can’t do this anymore, Lix. I’m sorry.”

“Hyunjin, please,” Felix looked up with pleading eyes. When Hyunjin had shook his head and let his hair fall through his fingers, Felix’s tears had finally begun falling. “I’m sorry. What do you want from me? What do you want me to do? I’ll stop blowing off dates. Fuck, I’ll study less. Please, I’m sorry.” 

Hyunjin wanted so badly to simply pull Felix’s trembling body into his arms and hug him for the rest of the night, but he couldn’t. That would only make his heart ache more. He had spoken already, let Felix know how he truly felt, and he wasn’t sure he could take it back. 

“You can’t do that. You need to study, you need to do well on your exams, you need to graduate. This is- I am keeping you from that. I’m so sorry. I can’t do this anymore, Felix.” Hyunjin’s own tears had slowly started dripping from his eyes. 

While wiping his tears, Felix stood up from the couch - their couch - almost as though he finally let himself believe what Hyunjin was saying. 

I didn’t mean it.

I’m sorry. 

“You said you fucking understood.”

He had grabbed his hoodie, or what was maybe Hyunjin’s hoodie, and walked towards the door to the apartment. “I’ll come get my stuff tomorrow.” And with that, he was gone. 

The last two years of their relationship, nothing short of love between them, was gone.

And since that day, since Hyunjin had made the dreaded decision to have to tell Felix that he couldn’t anymore, he lost a piece of himself along with the man who had made his life worth living. 

He hated to admit just how often he’d thought about where they’d be now if he had never said anything. If he had continued loving Felix unconditionally every day, and letting the hurt pursue with every silent and lonely moment in the apartment or every missed date. He wanted to stay with Felix, let Felix be his, but that couldn’t happen. Not when Felix couldn’t take on a relationship amidst his classes and studying. 

Of course Hyunjin wanted Felix to be only successful in his life, to achieve exactly what he was striving for, and that was the very reason why he had to let Felix go.

Glancing at his phone, he noticed it was nearing eleven pm, and tomorrow would be his second to last full day off before his friends would go to Minho’s family’s lake house for the last week of summer. So he needed to make his decision fast. 

He had to go right? He has spent the past four ‘end of summers’ with his friends at that house, and he couldn’t let that change now. 

His friends had wanted him there. They wanted the group together. And especially with the previous year having been Chan and Changbin’s last year of school, he had to. No matter how awkward it would be for himself to be around Felix for a week straight, he would do it.

Besides, Felix probably wasn’t even worried about the awkwardness between them. He would either speak to Hyunjin as though nothing had happened, or ignore him for the entire week. 

Either would be fine with Hyunjin. 

He could manage either outcome happening.

Right?

-

With being free of the cafe he worked at part time, Hyunjin’s previous two days were spent within the walls of his too quiet apartment. He’d woken up just before one in the afternoon both days, not doing much other than drawing or watching more of the anime Changbin had recommended to him. 

On Thursday night after taking an excessively hot shower, he’d retreated back into his bedroom, only then to find himself staring at his duffel bag that laid on his bed. He had packed everything that he would need for the next week, which was probably too much for one singular person. Throughout the day he had made an attempt at coming up with different ways he could get out of not going on this trip, but eventually, slowly, he had found himself with his bag crammed and ready to go. 

And after doing his skincare and crawling into bed, Hyunjin could not fall asleep. 

Tomorrow he would have to see Felix for the first time in five months that was not a mere one-sided glance in the halls of the campus. Never mind the fact the next seven days would be lived in the same house as him again. He would be okay. He could do this. 

Following the hundreds of what-if scenarios he had managed to create in his head, he had finally drifted off into a dreamless slumber. 

-

As the sun cast beams of golden yellow over his blankets, Hyunjin woke, bleary eyed, at nine in the morning when his alarm had sounded through the room. Today is the day, he realized as he sat up in bed and stretched his arms towards the ceiling, groaning while his shoulders and back popped in various spots. 

He succeeded in getting out of bed after fifteen minutes of scrolling through his phone, and after eating an apple, he went to get himself ready. He had left out what he would be wearing for the hour-long drive to the lake house the night before, so after dressing in black denim shorts that hit below his knees and a vintage t-shirt, he threw his duffel bag onto his shoulder and walked out of his apartment. 

The drive to Jeongin’s complex was just over a ten minute drive. They had decided on driving together since some of the others also did. Felix went with me for the last two years, Hyunjin thought to himself as he was stopped at a red light. When he had arrived he sent Jeongin a text, and a minute and a half later Jeongin was tossing his small suitcase into the trunk of Hyunjin’s car and climbing into the passenger seat. 

“Hi,” Jeongin greeted Hyunjin as his seatbelt clicked into place. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin finished tying his hair up into a ponytail and put the vehicle into drive, and they were on their way. 

A soft melody came through the speakers of the car - one of the songs in Hyunjin’s very carefully curated “crowd pleasers” playlist. He’d followed the directions of his GPS, because though he had driven to the house a couple times before, he didn’t have the route memorized by any means. 

He was in his own head for most of the drive. He’d tried to not think about Felix, or how it would go when he faced him in twenty minutes, however it didn’t work very well in the end. He hurt Felix. And to his knowledge Felix wanted nothing to do with him. He more than likely would not even talk to Hyunjin, which terrified the older boy to think of. How would they go a week, living under the same roof, and hanging out in their friend group, without speaking to one another?

Well, they would undoubtedly talk to each other, at least once, and in all probability more than that if all went smoothly, Hyunjin figured. But that had also frightened him. How could he pretend that he didn’t regret everything he had said to Felix? How could he act as though he didn’t miss Felix? Whatever. Felix was not his anymore, though Hyunjin had a hard time believing that. This would be a fun week. He would spend time with his best friends. It would be okay. It was okay. 

“-Jin? You okay?”

Hyunjin was pulled out of his thoughts and blinked over to Jeongin. “Hm? Oh, yeah. Sorry. What’d you say?” 

“Nothing. Just, you’ve been distracted this entire time. I know you’re worried about seeing Lix, but it’ll be fine. Things will be okay between you two.”

“I know. I’m just scared. He hates me now. I hurt him, Innie,” Hyunjin sighed with sorrow while making a left turn onto a gravelly road that announced they were nearing their destination. 

Jeongin reached over and patted Hyunjin’s shoulder, “It’ll be okay. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think he could ever hate you.”

That’s good, right? Because Hyunjin could absolutely never hate Felix. No matter what their future held, or whatever came out of this trip, he could never hate Felix. Felix had every reason to hate him, though, so if Jeongin thought Felix didn’t, that was a good sign. 

One final song later, and the car was bouncing over the rock covered driveway that led up to the garage of the house. Far-reaching varieties of cypress and pine trees shielded the path, the midday sun beaming through them and across Hyunjin’s face as he took in the site he looked forward to seeing so much every year. 

He’d known that Minho had arrived the day prior to clean up the house and make sure everything was in order, so his car taking up space in the driveway was no surprise. Behind the black vehicle was Chan’s, followed by Seungmin’s. Great. Felix had already arrived, then. 

He exhaled a breath of air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and put the car into park. When he hopped out of the driver’s seat he stretched his arms before straightening and dragging his feet around to the trunk, grabbing his bag. Jeongin followed suit, and before Hyunjin had time to back out, they were standing on the porch of the large, deep brown house. 

Chan must have heard their arrival, because as Jeongin took one last look over to Hyunjin with a nod and laid his hand on the door handle, the wooden door opened in and Chan stood smiling on the other side. 

“Hello! Finally, you’re here!” Chan vocalized as Jeongin entered the open main room. Hyunjin took one final breath before doing the same. 

While bringing his sunglasses up to rest on his head, Hyunjin first laid eyes on Minho, who was behind the kitchen island. A brief “hi,” had left his mouth before returning to his task at hand, which seemed to have been the storing away of grocery items. 

“Hey,” Seungmin announced from the couch, taking a sip from his can of soda and glancing his eyes down to Felix, who was sat on the floor. 

Felix looked up from his phone and he simply nodded his head at the arrival of Jeongin and Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin noticed that Felix glimpsed at him for half of a second before landing his eyes on Jeongin. He also thought that he may have seen the slightest upward curl of Felix’s lips, but that easily could have been him mistaking it for what he wished to see.

Hyunjin found his eyes lingering on Felix for way too long before he was able to pull them away. His eyes trailed over every part of Felix that was visible to him. The boy’s golden hair fell perfectly over his forehead, slightly longer and grown out now. His freckles were much darker at the moment since the summer months had just passed; the freckles that Hyunjin had used to trace with his fingertips so gently. The warmth in Felix’s eyes was the same, as was the curve of his cheek when he slipped his bottom lip between his teeth. Hyunjin’s heart was beating so loud, so fast, he could hear the thump thump thump hammering throughout his ears. 

Hyunjin was vaguely aware of Chan’s dog, Berry, sniffing around his feet, meanwhile Chan was informing him and Jeongin that Jisung and Changbin would be arriving later in the afternoon - something about work. He couldn’t exactly find the headspace to make it out entirely as his focus was elsewhere from the conversation happening in front of him. 

He wondered what had been running through Felix’s head right then, because with another risked glance he could tell the younger was in his own head too. Did he also notice the little things about Hyunjin that had changed? Like the fact that his hair was longer than he preferred? Or that he had removed his eyebrow piercing? Well, the answer was probably not considering the fact that Felix only laid eyes on him for less than a second, but Hyunjin prayed that Felix’s eyes had landed back on him at some point that he missed. 

Why would Felix look at me? Why would he want to notice the things that changed? I hurt him. I left him. He couldn’t want me or miss me after that. God, his fucking freckles, I wanna touch them again, kiss them one last t-

“Hyunjin, come. Set your bag down,” he registered Minho’s voice breaking through the other’s echoing in his skull. When the older man was ushering him towards the stairs, he’d realized that the next week would be harder than he imagined, seeing as though he had just spent the first five minutes in his own head thinking about Felix. 

Minho stopped and turned back to Hyunjin as they reached the door at the end of the hallway. 

“Felix has requested to share with Seungmin, so I took the liberty of telling Changbin he has the lovely role of sharing with you,” he explained while opening the door to the room that Hyunjin had slept in with Felix for the previous years. 

Hyunjin walked into the room that had a king size bed against the far wall, a desk in the corner, and ceiling high windows that overlooked the lake. The air mattress had already been set up on the floor beside the bed. He shrugged his bag off his shoulder and tossed it onto the bed before flopping down beside it and groaning. Minho would have to be an idiot to not already know what was going on, which is why Hyunjin was so grateful he had  dragged him away. 

“You can’t spend the entire week zoning out of conversations to think about why you did what you did,” Minho stated as he sat next to Hyunjin, “I know you miss him, but you need to put forth an effort to move on. This is our last time all together for a while and it won’t be enjoyable for anyone if you’re both just going to sulk.” 

Hyunjin finally opened his eyes to look up at the burgundy haired man. “I know, I know. I just… I didn’t know how that would go - seeing him again. But now that it’s out of the way, I’ll be okay.” 

He hardly even looked at me.

“I promise, hyung!” He exclaimed when Minho gave him a questionable look to the previous statement. 

Hyunjin couldn’t read minds, but he could tell that Felix was not himself, at least around him. And realistically, after everything, why would he be? Whatever. This would be okay. Hyunjin could coexist with all of his friends and have whatever Felix wanted to do about that be his own choice. They were here to have a good time, and he would not let himself spend every second of it reflecting on what Felix was going to do or not. Though he didn’t know how difficult that would actually be to take on, he had to try anyhow. Felix was not his anymore. 

He hates me, he hates me, he hates me.

“When Sung and Bin get here we’re going to get lunch, so prepare yourself, I guess, if you need to,” Minho nodded before he patted Hyunjin’s thigh and stood, leaving Hyunjin to his own thoughts for a couple minutes before he would have to return back downstairs. 

Lunch as a group of eight again felt good. They had all talked, and that included both Hyunjin and Felix for a change. Hyunjin had sat in between Jisung and Chan, and did his best to not look at Felix, though he wanted to more than anything. It was too risky. He couldn’t let himself zone out and lose all train of thought while mapping out every constellation on his cheeks. 

The topic of conversation ranged from everything between Chan’s and Changbin’s plans now that they had graduated, to Oh hey, Innie, did you see that tiktok I sent you?

And Hyunjin thought that when Felix had said “Yeah, I ended up doing really well on all of my exams,” the younger may have looked at him for a moment, but he couldn’t be entirely sure. The thought alone scared Hyunjin, never mind if Felix had actually been looking at him. And wait- What did Hyunjin care? Felix could do as he pleased. 

And leaving their favorite local restaurant, they divided back into groups of four and piled back into Chan and Minho’s cars to go back to the house. 

Upon arriving, Jisung, Felix, and Seungmin had thrown on swimsuits and made for the lake, while Minho and Changbin went to exercise in the home gym that the garage held. Jeongin mentioned something about having not slept well and going to make an attempt at napping, and Chan had gone out to walk Berry. Hyunjin had found himself on the back patio with his sketchbook resting on his knees, drawing whatever his head was telling him. 

Three hours later, the group had all reconciled and ate dinner that Chan had taken part in cooking for them. And just like earlier, conversation flowed easily between them. 

This trip might be okay after all. 

Minho had helped Chan in cleaning up the kitchen, meanwhile the others had gathered in the backyard, beers in hand, as the crackling of the fire Changbin had just lit filled the atmosphere. 

The eldest two had rejoined the group a little later. Minho signaled Jisung over to his lap once he settled in a chair, and Chan flopped down onto the grass beside Seungmin. The fire pit sitting in the middle of them had grown into a gentle warmth, enveloping them in a tradition they had looked forward to every year. 

“Okay, next! If you could go back to any point in your life you already lived, where would you go?” Jisung questioned, taking another sip of his drink. 

Jeongin answered first as the others continued to think about the question. “I would probably go back Jeju when we would literally just swim all day.”

“Wait, were we talking physical location? Or, like, time period?” Hyunjin interrupted. He’d looked across from his seat to see Chan smiling as he shook his head, and Jisung, Changbin, and Jeongin all giggling. “What are you saying?”

“Nothing,” Chan replied, a smile breaking through as he nodded, “Innie spoke to me.” Maybe it was the alcohol that made everything funny, but they had all burst into laughter at that. Their voices overlapped through the giggling and Chan trying to reason out his response, “I felt it,” he tapped on his heart, “in here.”

“Was that even the question?” Jeongin asked, entire foxy smile on display as he looked between Chan’s tittering and Jisung’s full belly laughs. 

“Mhmm, that was the most perfect response ever,” Chan answered.

When Hyunjin had suppressed his laughing, he found his eyes lingering on Felix. Felix who had still been smiling, and God, that smile. It was dark out, yes, but that smile was the sun shining over him, and nothing short of it. 

Hyunjin had gulped down the last sip of his beverage, then stood as the others continued recounting the memories from their trip to Jeju island three years ago. The trip that just so happened to also be when Hyunjin had bought and given Felix that teddy bear necklace. Does he even still have it?

He stepped inside and beelined for the fridge to grab a new can of beer, and while doing so he heard the door slide open again. He looked up to see Felix entering with Jisung. 

Jisung hurried for the bathroom, and Felix walked into the kitchen to throw away a few empty cans. 

Hyunjin froze momentarily, hand resting on the handle of the fridge. When Felix had stepped towards him, Hyunjin tilted up the beverage in his own hand with a questioning look on his face. After a simple nod in response, he’d grabbed two more beers and handed them over to Felix, and while doing so he mistakenly allowed himself to really look at Felix. Mistakenly because he took all of fifteen seconds to gaze over every part of the younger’s face, down to the most prominent freckle on the tip of his nose. 

Quickly, after realizing he had in fact been staring, he released his hold on the beverages in Felix’s hands, “sorry,” leaving his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

That “sorry” had been apologizing for more than just zoning out, Hyunjin knew, and he’d hoped that Felix could read the same. 

The blond smiled up at him, nodding and replying with a whispered “thank you.” Hyunjin thought there had maybe been the faintest blush on his cheeks, but the kitchen light was dim so who could really be sure. 

Before he could think too much into it, Hyunjin had turned on his heel and walked back out to the rest of their friends, who had now seemed to move onto the topic of a game idea Changbin was actively trying to come up with.

He’d released the breath of air he had unconsciously been holding since entering the house, and cracked open the can in his hand. 

This was okay. 

He’d spoken directly to Felix for the first time in five months, and it went somewhat good. Well, good if you’re ignoring the fact that he still hasn’t properly looked at Felix without completely losing his train of thought. 

Though the fire had died out just a few minutes ago, Seungmin and Jeongin had already retreated to their rooms. Chan and Felix were the next to leave, and Hyunjin had decided to take that as his cue, a headache from the alcohol having crept up on him an hour ago. 

Once in his room, he’d brushed his teeth and washed his face in the connected bathroom, and when he had returned to the room Changbin was sitting on the air mattress on the floor. 

“Hey,” the elder greeted, lifting his eyes from his phone.

Hyunjin returned the greeting and stopped in front of the bed. “You can have the bed if you’d rather, I can sleep on the mattress,” he proposed. Typically he and Felix would have shared the bed, and Hyunjin didn’t want to put Changbin in any discomfort for his own shitty actions. 

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry,” Changbin assured before standing and walking towards the bathroom. 

Hyunjin plopped onto the bed, pulling back the blankets and making himself comfortable. Shortly after, Changbin had returned and laid down on his makeshift bed. 

“My head is killing me,” Changbin groaned, knowing the obvious reason was from the five and a half beers he’d consumed. 

Hyunjin giggled, rolling onto his side and plugging in his phone. “You should’ve listened to Channie-hyung then.”

“Ah shhhh… It felt like a good decision in the moment.”

After turning off the bedside lamp - plunging the room into darkness that was only lit by the moon shining through the large windows - Hyunjin let his eyes fall closed. He had been far too tired to remain awake, and he’d figured that tomorrow he would be better off having gotten a good night’s sleep. “Goodnight, Changbinnie,” he whispered. 

And though Hyunjin assumed he was already half asleep, Changbin still mumbled a “night, Jinnie.”

-

Hyunjin woke just after ten the next morning, the clamorous snores leaving Changbin’s upper airways and sounding throughout his ears. It took him roughly twenty minutes to eventually drag himself out of bed, empty his bladder, and finally make his way downstairs. 

In the kitchen, Chan and Seungmin stood at the island counter eating breakfast. 

“Good morning,” Seungmin greeted as Chan motioned and silently asked if Hyunjin, too, wanted cereal. Hyunjin nodded and took a seat across from them, and a few seconds later a bowl of Lucky Charms was placed in front of him. 

“Changbin snores so loud,” Hyunjin groaned with a half laugh, dropping his head. 

Chan threw his head back and laughed. Seungmin instead shook his head, a smirk plastered on his lips. “So glad I don’t have to deal with that for this week,” he beamed. 

As they ate, they had talked about their plans for the day, though no one had anything too exciting other than swimming. Hyunjin announced that he wanted to go into the small town nearby and visit some local shops. Chan also clarified that Minho had dragged Jisung out at seven that morning to go fishing, with Jisung apparently whining that ‘it’s too early to be alive.’

Hyunjin neared the end of his second bowl of cereal, and he looked towards the stairs when the other two were greeting a new arrival to the morning. 

Felix entered the kitchen with a sleepy look plastered to his face. It’d been so long since Hyunjin had gotten to lay eyes on a just woken Felix, so regardless of him making his best attempt at not looking at the younger, he failed. 

But who could blame him when Felix looked like that first thing in the morning? His face slightly puffy, lips almost pouting due to his obvious tiredness, and his golden hair adorably disheveled and sticking up in a few spots. Hyunjin wished that he could run his fingers through those strands and smooth them down. 

The blond poured himself a glass of orange juice and downed it in almost one chug, meanwhile Chan fixed him a bowl of the community cereal. 

Hyunjin, thankfully enough, had been able to finish his breakfast at a normal pace, all the while still conversing with the others. And for a change, he didn’t zone out staring at or thinking about Felix. 

The next hours of the day passed with Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin going to a thrift store and library in the town that was a ten minute commute from the house. Hyunjin had made a purchase of a vintage tee and a vase that he had yet to figure out how to transport back to his apartment. They had also grabbed lunch at a sandwich shop, and brought some back for Chan and Minho. When the three returned with the sun at its hottest point in the day, Changbin, Felix, and Seungmin were spotted swimming in the lake. 

Hyunjin retreated to his room, where he’d drawn for a couple slow passing hours. The booming of Jisung knocking on his door and informing that “Minho is cooking! Come spend time with us, Hyunjinnie!” sounded through the room, so Hyunjin joined his friends out on the patio. 

They had all spoken separately about their days while devouring the delicious fish that Minho had cooked for them. They talked for a while after that, too, until the sun had fully set and the moon hung in the sky. 

It felt normal. It felt good to be like this with his best friends again; all of them interacting how they had used to before the breakup. 

-

Day three had passed in a brisk flash with most of the friends not waking until the later hours of the afternoon. Hyunjin spent most of his day lounging on the porch and experimenting with watercolors. He’d also gone for a swim with Chan and Jeongin,  until the soft sprinkle of rain droplets had begun falling from the sky. 

-

At an ungodly hour for someone on a socalled ‘vacation’ to be awake, Hyunjin was dragged away to work out with Changbin. 

After a pottery session with Jisung and Minho, which was a tradition they’d upheld for years, he had returned and went swimming for a while. That was followed by him napping for a mere hour before Jeongin was waking him to join the others for dinner. 

And now, as Chan began obnoxiously belting the lyrics to We’re All In This Together from High School Musical, the others had all simultaneously thrown their heads back laughing from where they were sitting on the couch. 

Two beers didn’t have much of an effect on Hyunjin other than making his friends’ singing more amusing. He’d speculated that Jisung may have already been five cans deep, given the way his cheeks and ears were essentially glowing red and how he clung to Minho as if he would vanish any moment. 

Hyunjin had given his voice to one song that Seungmin chose for him to sing, but he was more than content to just sit and watch the chaos unfold before him as the others’ voice cracks and scream-singing sounded throughout the living room. He’d cheered for Jisung as he sang some older ballad that he was vaguely familiar with, and when Changbin shoved the microphone in Hyunjin’s face during Sherlock, he had no choice other than to follow suit and sing to his best ability. 

Felix had been sitting on the same section of the couch as Hyunjin. His hair was pulled back into a messy, loose bun, showcasing his freckles that were darker now due to him being in the sun as of recent. He’d taken his fair share of singing, one by himself and one performed with Chan, but he also seemed satisfied to just sit and watch. 

Hyunjin had cheered for Felix when he sang, just as much as he did the others. A smile was plastered to his face while he practically strained his voice to hit the notes that the song offered. And Hyunjin thought that the blond had possibly brightened his smile at Hyunjin amidst that, though he couldn’t be entirely sure. His head had begun feeling a little buzzy since opening a third can of beer, or maybe Felix was tipsy enough to not even register that he had smiled at Hyunjin. 

Changbin, Minho, Jisung, and Jeongin stood to sing the opening theme song of an anime that Hyunjin hadn’t bothered to watch yet. Chan and Seungmin cackled from where they watched in the kitchen, refilling on snacks and beverages, and that left Felix sitting dangerously close next to Hyunjin. 

Laughs echoed throughout the entire living room. Changbin’s voice cracked as he boisterously made an attempt to hit the high note alongside Jisung. Hyunjin clapped repeatedly when the four had finished. 

He looked over to Felix, seemingly to gauge his reaction to the mayhem that had just taken place. He instead felt his brain short circuit when the smile that the younger held was pointed directly at him. Before he could really take in the look on Felix’s face, which Hyunjin could read as actual happiness, the latter was shaking his head in amusement and telling the others how good they’d done. 

It had grown into the early hours of the morning when they had all agreed on one last song to end their karaoke night, and their voices all came together to form a tired and drunken version of Let It Go. 

When Hyunjin reached the door to his room with Changbin on his tail, he’d turned to see Jisung glued to Minho’s side as they walked to the end of the hallway that held the elders room. Jisung’s words were wobbly in what Hyunjin made out to be muttered praises about Minho’s “so sweet voice.” 

Hyunjin had barely even made it through brushing his teeth with how heavy his eyes felt. He’d fallen asleep nearly the second his head dropped onto the pillow. 

-

He peeled his eyes open when the late morning sun had leaked in through the curtains. It was a bit later than what he would have wished to be awake, but he blamed that on the previous nights’ activities. He scrolled through his phone for twenty minutes, and then with an immense stretch and a groan, he swung his legs over the side of the bed. 

It was one in the afternoon when Hyunjin and Jisung had finally gotten out of the house. Jisung didn’t even manage to wake until noon, so they skipped on eating breakfast, instead agreeing to go out to get lunch at their favorite cafe. 

When Hyunjin pulled into a parking space of the small lot the cafe offered, they let the song they had been singing finish before they hopped out of the vehicle. 

Thankfully, there were only two others in front of them when they got into line. Hyunjin decided on a sandwich that he presumed to “be in love with” since their first year discovering this spot, and an iced coffee. After ordering, they’d scouted out a table in the corner by the window that outlooked the rain soaked sidewalk. 

Their conversation had flowed easily from one topic to another, and Hyunjin had been halfway through his absolutely delectable sandwich when Jisung caught him off guard.

“Jin, can I ask you something?”

Hyunjin lifted his eyes from the food in his hand and nodded as he looked across the table to Jisung. 

“You miss Felix, yeah?” Jisung questioned. Hyunjin nodded again in response. He’d figured that much was obvious to any of them. “You should do something about it then.” 

Hyunjin furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, you should talk to him. The way you’ve been looking at him for the last four days screams ‘I miss you, love of my life.’ And I know you’re the one who ended things, but I think if you just tried talking to him, you could at least be friends again.” Jisung took a drink of his coffee, which was followed by a bite into his own sandwich. 

He thought over Jisung’s words while he chewed, trying to curate a response that made sense to be said aloud. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me, though. If he wanted to, why wouldn’t he have already? He hasn’t said a word to me yet, Ji,” Hyunjin reasoned. 

“The same reason you haven’t talked to him,” Jisung deadpanned as if that was the most apparent thing in the world. “I’m obviously not Lix, but I have a feeling the reason he hasn’t talked to you is because he’s scared, as are you. And! And, don’t tell anyone I told you this but im pretty sure he misses you too, Jin. Seungminnie told me a couple weeks ago.”

Hyunjin felt his heart sink in his stomach as Jisung dug into his own meal. Felix missed him? Surely that could not be true. Hyunjin had been the one who fucked things up, Felix had every right in the world to hate him, not miss him. 

“Really?” Was the only word that Hyunjin could think to say. 

Jisung nodded, taking another bite. “Please stop being an idiot about this and just talk to him, Jin. If you truly regret what you did, and I know you do, please try talking to him. Neither of you will get anywhere with what you’re doing now.” 

Hyunjin knew Jisung was right. And he wanted to talk to Felix, more than anything. He’d realized that actually getting Felix back and Felix continuing to love him was a long shot, but he craved to at least be back on friendly terms with him. 

Maybe he should try. 

He decided that enough talk about Felix had been had considering he wasn’t even there, so Hyunjin chose to segue their conversation elsewhere. Jisung had talked about his parents contemplating getting a dog, and that his older brother had just landed a really important job position. 

Jeongin slid open the back door and paced inside, Hyunjin following behind with a towel around his shoulders. They had agreed on swimming to pass time, which ended with Hyunjin dunking the younger underwater when he had sworn that Pokemon X and Y were the best of the games. 

The smell of rich sweetness filled the air once they were inside, and Hyunjin accompanied Jeongin into the kitchen to find Felix behind the island with a spatula in hand. 

“What are you making?” Jeongin questioned, drawing out the last syllable as he stepped into the blonds’ space and reached his hand into the bag of chocolate chips. 

Felix turned to the youngest and tapped his hand away, “Cookies, and you won’t be allowed any if I don’t have any chocolate to make them with.” 

Without really thinking, Hyunjin approached the counter to dig his hand in the bag as well. Because if there was chocolate in arms length, damn him for not being strong enough to resist it. His heart rate quickened when he felt Felix slap his hand away. When he’d looked down to the latter, Felix was smiling and looking up at him. 

“None, for either of you!” Felix exclaimed, shaking his head as he continued on with his baking. 

Both Hyunjin and Jeongin squinted their eyes in a laugh while taking a step backwards. Hyunjin focused his gaze on Felix’s face for a moment, on the smile that was still plastered there as he folded the cookie dough. Things had felt normal, how they did five months ago. 

As Hyunjin turned to leave the kitchen, Chan was entering. “Careful, he’ll bite you,” Hyunjin joked once Chan rounded the counter and reached his hand out to the ingredients, which resulted in another cackle from the blond. 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile to himself when he’d left the kitchen and made for his room. 

After showering, he had set up his painting supplies on the desk and painted for the next hour and a half. The outcome had been none other than Felix - a direct copy of the expression he held during both karaoke the night before and in the kitchen not that long ago. 

Dinner had taken place later than usual. Minho took Jisung with him to go visit his grandparents that lived an hour out of town, Chan and Changbin had gone for a walk, and by the time both parties returned and the pizza they’d ordered had arrived, it was nearing eight-thirty. 

The group had decided on going their separate ways again after that. Hyunjin remembered hearing that Changbin and Seungmin were going night swimming, and Chan had asked him to join he, Felix, and Jeongin in the movie they were watching, but Hyunjin had turned down the offer. He’d instead decided on opening the window that let out to the roof outside his room, going out to sit and watch the stars that twinkled above. 

He’d taken in the sight for fifteen minutes, making out what constellations he could, and then remembered the cookies that were sitting in a container in the kitchen. 

After crawling back inside and shutting the window just enough to still let the cool night air in, he exited the room to head downstairs. 

He’d passed through the living room, sure enough to see The Lord of the Rings playing on the television. He had paused in his tracks for a moment to remember why he’d come down there in the first place, and then walked towards the kitchen. 

Succeeding retrieving one of the earlier baked cookies that were still soft, he bit into it and let the sugary sweetness melt in his mouth. He hadn’t gotten to have one of Felix’s cookies in so long, he’d forgotten how good they had actually been. 

He opened the fridge to take a bottle of water, and when closing the door he was met with a mop of golden hair walking towards him in his periphery. 

Hyunjin felt his heart momentarily skip a beat. In all but a second he glanced up to take in the sight of Felix, who wore a large baby blue sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts. He looked soft. Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to reach out and tuck the strand of hair that had fallen in front of Felix’s eyes back into place. He wanted to touch Felix, to feel that softness, to-

“Did they turn out good?”

Pulled out of his own thoughts, he blinked and refocused his stare on the younger boy. That had been the first phrase uttered from Felix to be spoken directly at him, and God, it felt like Hyunjin was in a dream. 

“Yes, they’re very good. They always are,” Hyunjin responded as Felix stepped beside him and opened the container to take a cookie for himself. 

Hyunjin leaned back against the counter while he finished his own. While Felix’s gaze was redirected to the television a room away, Hyunjin allowed himself to look at him again. 

His eyes looked over all of Felix for the tenth time since he had entered the kitchen. Felix’s long eyelashes that hit his cheeks every blink. Felix’s freckles - the specific heart-shaped one by his eye that Hyunjin loved. Felix’s perfect lips. Felix’s perfect face.

“This is stupid,” the blond shook his head and turned to face Hyunjin, leaning his back against the island counter across from where the elder was standing, “we’re being stupid.” 

Hyunjin didn’t know how to respond exactly. Of course this was stupid. They’d been living in the same house for five days now, hanging out with their shared friends, and this was the first time either of them had been alone in the same space, talking to each other. So stupid. 

Hyunjin knew he was being idiotic. Months ago he could’ve just mustered up the courage and apologized to Felix, and maybe restored their friendship. 

He directed his eyes around Felix to peer out of the window. He’d thought that if he had let himself look at Felix any longer he would break into tears. A simple nod was all he could manage. 

“Can we talk?” 

He found his eyes captured to Felix’s again, shocked at the sudden ask. He’d opened his mouth to speak, but again was at a loss, so he pressed his lips closed and collected his thoughts. “Now? What about your movie?” He nodded his chin to the living room. 

Felix smiled, and Hyunjin felt his heart clench in his chest. “Do you know how many times I’ve seen this movie? Yes, now. If you want to,” he spoke softly. So softly Hyunjin thought he heard a waver in his voice. 

“Okay, yeah. We can go up to my room?” Hyunjin suggested. He’d pushed himself off the counter and looked to see the younger’s response, met with that gentle smile still carved to his lips. 

Hyunjin lead in front, Felix following, and they walked upstairs and down the hallway. 

Once in Hyunjin’s room, he’d sat himself crisscrossed on the bed, and Felix sat on the edge, almost unsure of what to do with himself. 

There was a pause of silence, only interrupted by the echoes of wind drifting through the air and a distanced hoot of an owl. Hyunjin again found himself with his stare fixed on the blond. He almost couldn’t believe that he was so close to him after all these months. 

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin had broken the stillness that curated between them. 

And that had gotten Felix to look up at him. 

“I’m so sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I should’ve been more understanding, I should’ve given you space and time. I’m sorry, Lix.” Hyunjin’s voice quivered on the last word, and he felt a prickling behind his eyes. He darted his eyes around various points on Felix’s face, because looking right at him had only made the anxiety worse. 

“Hyun-“

“Let me finish? Please?” he pleaded, to which Felix had nodded. “I miss you. You probably know that already. And it’s okay if you hate me, I would too. I don’t blame you if you wanna tell me to fuck off. But, I miss you. So much. I miss when we could just… talk. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Lix.” 

A tear had fallen down Hyunjin’s cheek, but he didn’t care to wipe it away. He’d sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, and finally managed to look back into Felix’s eyes. He needed him to say something, anything. 

After another beat of silence that felt far too long, Felix had spoken. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too, Jinnie,” his voice cracked as he shifted his weight and began picking at the skin around his nail beds. “I didn’t realize at the time how much what I was doing was hurting you. I regret every time I blew you off, and every time I didn’t come home when I said I would. I’m sorry for it all. I miss you so much… so much, Jinnie.” The tears had started falling down his freckled cheeks, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. 

“Lix? Can I touch you, baby?” The words left Hyunjin’s mouth before he could register the pet name that had slipped up. 

Felix’s bottom lip shook more violently when he nodded, and with the given permission, Hyunjin had reached out and softly wiped his thumbs over the tears on his cheeks. 

Hyunjin huffed out a breath of air, one that spoke I can’t believe this is happening. Felix leaned into Hyunjin’s touch, and soon wormed his arms up around his neck, burying his face in the elders’ shoulder. Hyunjin’s arms moved to Felix’s waist, his hold gentle but firm, like if he’d tightened his grip Felix would disappear from him. 

Hyunjin let himself register that he actually had Felix in his arms - Felix crying into his shoulder - and he then became a sobbing mess, too. 

“I wanna be yours again.” He felt warm air breathed against the crook of his shoulder. His heart had been thumping so loud in his skull he thought he might pass out.

“You are, Lix. You’re mine. You never stopped being mine.”

He reached up and ran his fingers through Felix’s hair, attempting to focus on the sensation of the strands between his fingers, but everything was too overwhelming in the moment. He’d needed to see Felix, needed to focus on Felix’s face. So, he pulled back slowly, hesitantly, and when they’d locked eyes with each other, an almost silent huff of disbelief had left Felix’s mouth. 

Time seemed to slow as Hyunjin shifted his hand up to Felix’s jaw, and with the subtle tilt of his chin and a nod in response, he had Felix’s lips pressed to his. 

Another sob had choked its way up Hyunjin’s throat while their lips moved together. It was tender, so soft, and everything he had missed the most. 

Kissing Felix again after five months was surreal. Their mouths had remembered each other just the same. The mixed feeling of Felix’s fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck and the pillow-like lips slotting against his own grounded him in the moment when he felt like he was floating. 

When they had broken apart, they simply looked at each other for all of twenty seconds. Felix’s eyes were bloodshot and his lips were slightly puffy, but he was perfect. 

“I’m so sorry,” Hyunjin spoke while brushing Felix’s hair back and tucking it behind his ears. 

A watery smile broke onto Felix’s face again, and he reached out to wipe his thumb under Hyunjin’s eye where tears were still leaking. “I know. I forgive you, Jinnie. I’m sorry, for everything.”

Felix pulled Hyunjin’s head toward himself and pressed another kiss to his lips.  

“We should get some rest,” Felix suggested, taking Hyunjin’s hands and bringing them to his lap while he fidgeted with his fingertips. 

Hyunjin nodded, because he’d known Felix was right. They were both tired. Part of Hyunjin, however, was scared to sleep—the fear that everything that had just happened was a dream, running through his head. 

Felix stood from the bed, and took another glance to Hyunjin, who still held onto Felix’s hands in his as though his life depended on it. “Goodnight, Jinnie,” Felix smiled before walking to the door.

“Goodnight, Lix.” 

Hyunjin was frozen in place when Felix had closed the door behind him. The tears continued to flow, and it seemed like they had no sign of stopping. He’d gotten Felix back. Felix had forgiven him. Felix still wanted him all the same. 

He got Felix back. 

-

“Morning, Hyung,” Hyunjin groggily said as he rubbed his eyes. Though he had mistakenly woken at seven-thirty that morning, and been left unable to fall back asleep, he’d decided on laying in bed for two hours before actually getting up. 

In the kitchen, Minho sat at the island, a half-eaten banana in one hand and his phone in the other. He looked up from the screen to greet Hyunjin with a soft spoken “good morning.”

Hyunjin settled into the seat beside Minho, stretching his arm out to reach a banana from the bunch that was on the counter. 

Minho had donned a pair of comfortable black shorts and a grey long sleeve he’d had for years, as well as a baseball cap on his head with sunglasses resting on the brim. 

“Where’re you going?” Hyunjin turned his head to look at the elder when he had hopped down from his seat and tossed the banana peel in the trash. 

“Fishing with Jisung. You’re more than welcome to join us if you want,” Minho responded eagerly. 

Hyunjin had plans for the day already. Besides, fishing had never really been his thing, and he’d also figured that if Jisung was going he would end up being an undisclosed third wheel to them. 

“No, it’s okay. Have fun.”

As Hyunjin took another bite out of the fruit in his hand, Chan had entered the kitchen, still in his pajamas, which had been black sweatpants and a tank top. 

After Chan greeted them, Minho turned to leave the room, presumably to go get Jisung so they could go on with their plans. Chan poured himself a bowl of cereal and stood with his back against the counter as he ate it. 

Hyunjin had been at the finishing point of his second banana when Felix walked into the kitchen, in the same clothes as the night before, though his hair was now adorably disheveled from sleep. 

Again, Hyunjin wished that he could run his fingers through the strands that stuck up and smooth them down. Though the previous night had been everything he could’ve asked for, he was still unsure of where they stood with one another. 

Felix took part in making up a bowl of cereal for himself, and stood against the counter as well. With Chan distracted on his phone, it really felt as though it was just Hyunjin and Felix in the room. 

Hyunjin met Felix’s eyes, and both of their gazes softened. 

The curl of Felix’s lips when he flashed the gentlest of smiles to Hyunjin made his heart flutter in his chest. He had really missed Felix so much. The simple action of seeing him in the morning, getting to take in that sight while knowing that they’d be okay after everything, was enough. 

The three had made small talk until a few moments later, when Changbin and Seungmin had joined them. After greeting them both with a good morning, Hyunjin had chosen to get a move on with his day. 

He and Jeongin had made arrangements to visit a new art gallery that opened nearby since the last time they’d been there. 

So, after dressing in a pair of light-wash jeans and a band tee, and tying half of his hair back into a ponytail, he stood outside of Jeongins’ room door. 

Jeongin called a “one minute, Hyung!” when Hyunjin had knocked just a couple minutes ago, so he’d figured he would be ready soon. 

He had been ready to turn and head downstairs, when he saw Felix walking down the hallway. 

“Where are you going?” The blond asked as he stopped in front of Hyunjin.

“Me and Innie are going to a new gallery,” Hyunjin informed, and then, “you should come with us, if you want to.” 

He didn’t know why he had prompted the suggestion, but he found himself desperately wishing Felix would accept the offer. He’d known Jeongin wouldn’t mind the extra company, especially since they’d tried to get Seungmin to join them but were turned down. 

Felix pulled out his phone and glanced at the time. “When are you leaving?” 

“If Innie ever finishes getting ready-“ he raised his voice to hopefully let it travel through the door and into Jeongin’s ears, “-we can leave whenever.”

“Okay, yeah. Give me, like…” Felix looked his eyes toward the ceiling in thought for a moment, “ten minutes?”

“Take your time,” Hyunjin smiled. 

Just as Felix hurried down the hall the rest of the way to the door of his room, Jeongin stepped into the hallway. 

He’d worn a pair of large denim shorts, and an oversized striped polo tee. His ginger hair was mostly hidden under the baseball cap he sported, apart from his bangs that poked out in various directions. 

“Who was that?”

“Lix. Is it okay if he goes with us?” Hyunjin replied. It felt odd to call Felix a nickname again in front of Jeongin.

Jeongin’s relaxed face contorted into one of sudden surprise before settling into a faint smile. “Yeah, ‘Course it is.”

The gallery was a small building just on the outskirts of town. It had showcased dozens of beautifully done artworks that Hyunjin found himself captivated by. 

It had taken them just over two hours to walk through the different rooms and study the different works. Hyunjin took pictures of the ones that stuck out to him the most - like an oil painting of a figure seemingly reflecting on a past memory. However, a couple shots of Felix had managed to worm their way into his camera roll amidst the others. 

After leaving the gallery, they’d agreed on getting lunch at a burger spot before heading back to the house. Hyunjin had driven, and just like when they’d left to go out, Felix and Jeongin played a round of rock-paper-scissor to determine who would get the passenger seat. On the way there it had been in Hyunjin’s favor that Felix lost and sat in the back seat, though his luck ended for the drive home when Felix had won and was stationed beside him for the thirty minute drive. 

Once they’d arrived at the house, they all got out of the car, and Hyunjin exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding for the entirety of the drive back. 

Yes, he and Felix had apologized, forgiven, and kissed. Yet he still longed for the confirmation of what they were to each other. He was unsure of how to act around Felix. He wouldn’t rush anything, not when he’d just gotten him back. 

But it felt wrong of him to assume that they were back together, to what they had before, just like that. However, Felix had said he wanted to be Hyunjin’s again, and that felt promising. 

The rest of the day had passed with Hyunjin taking a nap after they’d returned, eating dinner that Minho cooked for them, and watching a random movie with Chan, Changbin, and Jisung. 

And now, sitting on the dock that outlooked the lake, Hyunjin was lost in thought as his eyes vaguely focused on the light of the moon reflecting on the water. Silence had enveloped him as the previous night stuck replaying throughout his head. 

When Felix had cried into his shoulder. 

When Felix had forgiven him. 

When I wanna be yours again. 

I wanna be yours again. 

Yours. 

“Hey.”

He was pulled out of his thoughts to a familiar voice. When he’d looked up, there stood Felix. 

The light yellow of Felix’s sweatshirt against his skin made him look soft, but if Hyunjin was being honest, he always had an aura that always captivated the essence of softness. 

“Hi,” Hyunjin smiled, “how’d you know I was out here?” 

“Seungminnie. Said he saw you leave when he was going upstairs.” 

Hyunjin hummed in response, and nodded his chin to signal at the blond to sit beside him. 

“You okay?” Felix questioned. Hyunjin’s mind must have noticeably been elsewhere. Of course Felix could tell. 

Hyunjin wished he was more present in the moment. Felix was right beside him, giving him his full devoted attention, yet he had still been stuck on the yours. “Yeah. Just… I don’t know.”

Felix pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, his fingertips toying with the edge of his sleeve. It’d seemed as though he was, too, lost in his own head. Hyunjin wondered if it had been for the same reason.

“Are you rethinking it? Us?” 

Hyunjin turned his head to Felix so fast he thought it might fall off his shoulders. Felix was looking at him, the slightest bit of worry was etched on his face. Was Felix rethinking them? Did Felix not want them again as much as he did?

“What? No, of course not. Are you?” Hyunjin replied quickly. He wanted Felix above all else, in whatever way Felix would allow. 

“No, I’m not,” he sighed, out of relief, it sounded like. “Do you wanna try again then?” 

“Yeah.” 

More than anything. 

Hyunjin had drowned out all else apart from the boy sitting beside him. He’d focused on Felix’s expression, the way his shoulders dropped and brow softened when the word had left his mouth. 

His heart was pounding. He’d truly wished that he could rewind time to the dreaded day he uttered the stupid phrase that had ended them. He’d wished that from the moment it had happened, actually. 

“Me too,” Felix smiled.

A beat of silence filled the air. Hyunjin had moved his eyes to concentrate on the water again. 

He engrossed himself in the ripples on the surface, in the way the moon reflected onto the lake. 

“I know I said it last night… but I really am sorry. I won’t do that shit again, I promise, Jinnie. I’ll be here for you, always.” Felix spoke softly, and that same waver as the previous night had found its way back to his voice. 

Hyunjin understood Felix’s side of it. It might’ve hurt Hyunjin at the time, but Felix had been busy, working so hard towards his exams, and Hyunjin knew he had been so much of an idiot to not have given him time. In all honesty, he found it hard to believe Felix even wanted to speak to him still. 

“You don’t have to apologize, Lix. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance-“

“You gave me so many chances.” The blond cut him off. Hyunjin turned his head back to Felix, and his heart dropped when he saw the tear streaks on his cheeks illuminated by the moonlight. “You gave me so many opportunities to fix things. and I… I was a fucking idiot and didn’t realize ‘til it was too late.” 

Hyunjin wished Felix didn’t blame himself. He felt as though he didn’t give him enough space back then to fix things, like Felix presumed. 

Three times Felix hadn’t shown up to a date that Hyunjin planned. Five times he didn’t come home when he’d said he would. And that had been in the two weeks prior to the biggest exam Felix had to take that semester. He should have just given him time. 

“Lix, it wasn’t your fault. It’s over now, okay? You did good on your exams, that’s all that matters. I’m proud of you.” He shifted his body to face the latter better. He wanted to pull Felix into his chest, but he was unsure if he should. “I’m sorry that I hurt you; that I ended things so quickly. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. But, if you still want this, Lix, us… I want you to be mine again.” 

“i’ve always been yours.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. You said it yourself, Jinnie.” A watery smile formed on Felix’s lips. 

Hyunjin thought it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

The prettiest human he’d ever laid his eyes on, with the moon shining down on his moistened freckled cheeks, smiling at him like he had hung the stars in the sky. 

“C’mere, baby.”

Hyunjin reached his arm out as Felix moved closer and curled himself into his side. He tightened his arm around the younger man and simply held him, his fingertips tracing random patterns into the sleeve of Felix’s sweatshirt. 

He’d closed his eyes and inhaled a breath of air, and from the way Felix sat pressed up against him, it was scented heavily of Felix’s shampoo - jasmine with a hint of vanilla. 

The breeze of the wind had sifted through the trees and the water lapped against the rocks, but it all seemed to fade away as Hyunjin directed his only focus to be on Felix. 

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?” 

Felix pulled back slightly, and Hyunjin released his hold around his shoulders, moving his hand down to Felix’s and interlocking their fingers. His eyes fixed on Felix’s, whose’ shined back at him.

“Thank you,” Felix spoke softly. He’d reached his hand up and brushed Hyunjin’s bangs back, even if the wind blew it right back in front of his eyes a split second later. 

“For what?”

“For this; for still wanting me.” 

Hyunjin felt his pulse quicken, if that was even possible given how fast it’d been going since the moment Felix joined him. How could he not want Felix?

“I’ll always want you,” Hyunjin tightened his fingers around Felix’s, and for the first time thus far he couldn’t take his eyes away from Felix’s. Not when Felix looked at him like that. “Thank you, too. For not hating me.”

“I never hated you, Jinnie,” Felix was quick to assure. “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask me that, baby.”

And then Felix’s lips were pressed to his. 

Hyunjin brought his hands up to the nape of Felix’s neck, tugging gently at his hair, while Felix’s hands rested on his shoulders, gripping softly yet firmly. 

Their lips moved against each others’, just as the night prior, though this time it felt a little more real to Hyunjin’s senses. 

They had pulled away to replenish air, and Hyunjin felt his own tears finally spill down his cheeks. Felix’s gaze softened more as his hands had cupped Hyunjin cheeks, thumbs wiping under his eyes, before he’d pulled Hyunjin’s head towards his again and reconnected their lips. 

It was all the same as five months ago - to kiss Felix - but it still felt so much different, in a way. 

As their lips slotted and Felix’s tongue pressed into Hyunjin’s mouth, a muffled moan had fallen from his throat. and Hyunjin chased that sound. He licked into Felix’s mouth, which only called for more soft, broken noises to spill from the blond. 

When they’d finally broken apart, Hyunjin rested his forehead against Felix’s, catching his breath and sniffling back the tears that had stopped falling but still teetered on the edge of his lash line. 

“Thank you, Lix.”

Felix pressed one last gentle kiss to his lips, before curling back against his side. 

-

Though his initial thoughts of what had now been the past week were full of anxiety, Hyunjin found himself wishing it had lasted much longer. He enjoyed spending time with his best friends, he always did. However, since losing Felix five months ago, and the both of them avoiding the group over that course, their friend group had felt incomplete. 

And much to Hyunjin’s disappointment, the final full day of the trip flew by rather quickly. 

The previous night he hadn’t fallen asleep until the late, shadowed hour of two in the morning, and that had resulted in him waking at ten the next day. When he’d hauled himself downstairs and to the kitchen, Minho and Jisung were already there, and Chan had been standing at the stove cooking breakfast for them. 

One by one, after that, the remainder of the friends joined them, and they’d all eaten outside on the back patio. The late morning sun filtered through the trees and birds chirped distantly as they all made easy conversation with each other. 

Once the meal had commenced, Hyunjin was approached by Seungmin, who’d enlightened him in the plans of Felix, Changbin, and him going swimming. Hyunjin accepted and joined the others back outside not more than ten minutes later after changing into his swim trunks. 

Nearly two hours had passed, and Hyunjin returned inside. Having showered and eaten a lunch that consisted of ramyeon and chips, he retreated to his room and sketched for a while. The graphite on the paper hadn’t been drawn with a specific image in mind, however when he finished he’d realized it held a strong resemblance to Felix’s facial features. 

When he’d later found Jisung in the living room, claiming he had been so bored since the others all “abandoned him,” Hyunjin offered that they go on a walk. 

They’d trekked along the dirt path that led from the back of the house and into the woods that surrounded it, sharing exchanged opinions of how the week had been. And that had transpired when Hyunjin informed Jisung about he and Felix. He’d spoken about the past two nights, the conversations held between them. When he’d concluded with “I got him back, Ji,” the latter had blissfully replied with “I told you that you would. I’m happy for you, Jin.” 

Shortly after the two had returned, the group approved ordering takeout from their favorite local restaurant for dinner. When it arrived not too long later, they’d all settled at the dining table and ate. 

Now, they all comfortably sat around the living room - some sitting on the couch, others on the floor, and Chan occupying the armchair with Berry in his lap - for movie night. It had been a tradition built from the first time visiting here, and the communal movie of agreement this year had been decided as How To Train Your Dragon. 

Hyunjin stationed himself against the right armrest of the couch before any of the others could fill the space, and much to his contentment, Felix had sat beside him. 

The blond had on black sweatpants and a hoodie. Hyunjin felt his heart tense when he recognized it as his own hoodie, and none other than the exact same one Felix had been wearing when he’d left his apartment for the last time. 

The room had grown quiet apart from the movie, save for the occasional whispered comment about the movie from Changbin or Jeongin. 

Hyunjin had done his best to actually pay attention to the pictures of the movie, though with Felix beside him, and so close, it was challenging. 

Felix had always been a cuddler, craving the closeness of those around him, so it was no surprise that he was practically sitting up against Hyunjin. When the movie began, Felix was far enough away for Hyunjin to be at ease. But as it progressed, Felix had unconsciously, slowly inched closer, and his arm was now in full contact with Hyunjin’s. 

In the previous years, Hyunjin would have undoubtedly enveloped Felix in his arms and watched the movie like that. However, things were different now. They’d only just decided on getting back together, only one other person in the room had known that, and Hyunjin didn’t want to rush anything; didn’t want to mess up what he’d been waiting months to regain. 

So, he sat satisfied, masking the reality of his heart in fact beating a million miles a minute. 

It wasn’t until Felix tilted his head up at Hyunjin, with a gentle and almost teasing smile on his lips, that Hyunjin realized the latter had completely shifted to be up against him. At the awareness, Hyunjin untucked his arm from his lap and wrapped it around Felix’s shoulders, pulling him closer. If any of the others had noticed… it was only a matter of time anyhow. 

Felix was so warm against Hyunjin’s body. he’d forgotten how safe he felt when in the presence of Felix, let alone this close to him—holding him. 

They comfortably stayed settled like that for a few passing moments, until Felix had other ideas. 

He’d moved his arm, that was sandwiched between their bodies, to Hyunjin’s thigh. The movement caught Hyunjin off guard, and made him exhale the breath he was unaware of containing, in place of holding another. 

When Felix began stroking his thumb over the tan skin of Hyunjin’s thigh, where the fabric of his shorts had rode up, his pulse thudded in his eardrums louder, booming repetitively throughout his skull. All sound of the movie had long since been drowned out, replaced by his own beating heart and racing thoughts. 

God, I missed this, had been the thought that struck out most. 

He’d missed the feeling of what it was like to play this game of back and forth teasing, though he’d never forgotten it. He knew that this - the caresses, the awareness of what was wanted by them both -  would more than likely continue into him getting to make love to Felix. His Felix. 

With that in mind, he’d let himself give into Felix’s touches. 

Hyunjin’s hand that had been resting on Felix’s shoulder came up to the nape of his neck, pulling the soft strands of golden hair through his finger tips in a gentle, recurring motion. 

Felix still had his head idly relaxed against Hyunjin’s side. Hyunjin thought that Felix had to have absolutely heard the thumping of his heartbeat in his chest. 

The movie continued on, the flashing colors changing and casting over the darkness of the room. The other six had been fully engaged in that, as it seemed like he and Felix were in their own world.

Felix’s hand slid up higher to the inner part of Hyunjin’s thigh, rapidly and dangerously. The taunting touch of Felix’s fingers slowly massaging at Hyunjin’s skin had his stomach churning with arousal and anticipation, so much so that he had to bite his bottom lip to keep a noise from leaving his throat. 

Confusion first bloomed in Hyunjin’s head, then an immediate pleased realization of what Felix’s next intentions were, when the blond shifted away and stood from the couch. 

“Uh… I- my head is killing me. I’m gonna go try to get some rest,” he’d said while rounding the couch and walking towards the stairs. If any of the others responded, Hyunjin didn’t hear it. His only focus had been on Felix when he sang a “goodnight guys,” and disappeared from his line of sight, and that was when he’d known he had to then quickly curate a reason to leave the room as well. 

To avoid suspicions that he was sure were still going to form any second now, he’d let five prolonged and dreadful minutes pass before pushing himself off the couch.

“I’m getting really tired. ‘Gonna go lie down,” he said, trying to create the best tone of voice he could utter to sound believable. 

He cringed at the excuse, though his eyes had indeed grown weary from the time spent in the sun earlier. He was unsure if any of his friends had even heard him, but decided it didn’t matter; that Felix was waiting for him.

He paced upstairs and down the hallway, and assuming that Felix would’ve gone to his room, that’s where he followed. 

When he cracked the door open and slipped inside, hands were on him in an instant. He’d hardly had time to register the sound of the door clicking shut behind him before his back was being pressed against it. 

Felix’s arms came up around Hyunjin’s neck, pulling his head down just enough to crush their lips together. Hyunjin kissed back with equal fervor, hands scrambling to find hold on the younger’s waist. 

“Took you long enough,” Felix muttered against his lips.

“Don’t want them to grow suspicious,” Hyunjin strained away barely a sufficient amount to get the words out.

“They’ve been suspicious from the first day of this trip, silly,” said as though it was obvious, the blond pulled his head away from Hyunjin’s and looked at him, a teasing smile plastered on his pink swollen lips. “What? you don’t think anyone else saw how you’ve been looking at me?”

Hyunjin couldn’t think of what to say quickly enough, and all attempts at trying had dispersed when Felix’s lips were back on his. 

Subtle noises from Felix filled the air as he slid his tongue between Hyunjin’s lips and licked into his mouth. A moan escaped Hyunjin’s throat when Felix bit down greedily on his bottom lip; a tendency that Hyunjin craved. 

He couldn’t believe this was real life. Felix’s body pressed right against his like this; Felix kissing him. His heart was still racing, pounding and throbbing promptly, but it drowned out opposed to the feeling of Felix. 

The blond reluctantly pulled back again, bringing his hands to frame Hyunjin’s face as he looked at him. 

Hyunjin allowed himself to really look at Felix as well, though he’d been doing so this entire week. It had been so long since he’d gotten him like this - cheeks flushed, lips puffy and spit covered, pupils blown wide. He looked perfect. 

“Missed you so much, Jinnie,” Felix said gently. His thumb ghosted over the mole below Hyunjin’s eye, while his gaze seemed to shift from point to point on his face. 

“I missed you too, baby. So much. You have no idea.”

When Hyunjin’s lips locked on Felix’s again, he slotted his thigh between the younger man’s. Felix’s breath hitched, and he quickly chased the closeness that the shift had left. 

Felix grinded his growing erection against Hyunjin’s again, harder and more desperate, seeking whatever friction he could receive. The fabric did little to conceal what was caged behind; Hyunjin could feel every part of Felix, every part that he yearned for. He’d assumed the younger didn’t have on underwear, and that seemed to turn something within him. 

It had been so long. So long since he had Felix unraveling under his touch. He wanted to make this count; to take his time with Felix. He needed to show him just how much he’d really missed him—how much he loved him. 

Hyunjin’s hands had still been, up until this point, stationed on Felix’s waist, but he slowly began to trail them down. After grazing his lower back, where he’d pulled him infinitely closer, then his hips, they’d finally found themselves on the swell of his ass. 

The feeling of Felix’s tongue swiping over his made Hyunjin groan. He gave two light squeezes where his hands had been, before sliding down Felix’s thighs and hoisting him off the ground. Felix’s legs wrapped around Hyunjin’s waist as he walked them towards the bed, while his fingers threaded through Hyunjin’s hair, tugging weakly. 

Upon laying Felix down as gently as possible on the mattress, Hyunjin stood between his legs, hovering over him as their mouths continuously moved against each others’. 

Hyunjin reached his hand under the thick fabric of the hoodie Felix wore. Met with his soft, smooth skin, he’d trailed his hands higher, hiking the hoodie up. “Can I?” he asked muffled against Felix’s mouth. 

When he was met with a rapid nod in reply, he briskly took the hoodie and the t-shirt under it off in a swift motion, tossing it away to land on the floor. 

He’d observed his eyes over Felix’s now bare upper body. He was so perfect, just as Hyunjin remembered and always would. 

Locking his eyes back with Felix’s, he was faced with the most tender gaze he’d ever seen looking back at him. A soft smile formed on Felix’s lips as he took in the sight of the elder over him, and that had made Hyunjin’s heart clench in his chest and tears well in his eyes. 

“So pretty, baby.” He dropped his head down again to continue his assault of kisses along Felix’s neck and collarbones, sucking and nipping gently at his skin - the way he knew Felix loved. 

One of Felix’s hands landed on Hyunjin’s shoulder, while the other wove through his hair, and Hyunjin could feel the erratic beat of Felix’s heart beneath his mouth. Taking Felix’s nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the bud had a whimper escaping from the blond, which was followed by more shaky, needy sounds when Hyunjin rolled his hips against his. 

His own cock had been painfully aching, still within the fabric of his boxers, begging for release; with all of the desperate noises leaving Felix’s mouth, it only worsened.

Hyunjin let his hand dip into the waistband of Felix’s sweatpants, trailing his fingers around to Felix’s ass once again and tightening his hand against the thick muscle. When Felix had lightly wiggled his hips at the feeling, Hyunjin took that as his sign to remove the material from his lower half. 

With Felix completely bare under him, Hyunjin felt his heart physically skip a beat. 

Felix was ethereal, in every way possible. 

Hyunjin allowed his eyes to glance over Felix’s body again; from his chest to his defined stomach, from his smooth thighs to his cock that was hard and leaking between them - he was perfect everywhere. 

When Felix had pulled Hyunjin’s head back down to his own and connected their lips again, a trail of stifled moans broke loose from the blond’s throat. 

After letting his right hand move to Felix’s thigh, where he gripped and massaged the skin in his hold, he grudgingly pulled his head back to stare at him. 

“Can I suck you off, baby?” he asked, pressing another tender kiss to Felix’s lips. “ ‘Wanna make you feel good.”

Felix nodded, chasing Hyunjin’s mouth to keep it locked on his. “Yeah- Yes, please,” he’d managed to voice.  

And with that, Hyunjin pulled back and positioned himself between the younger’s legs, mouth hovering centimeters from his cock. He licked a stripe up the underside of the length, and when he’d lapped his tongue over the tip and tasted the bitter precum, he wrapped his lips around him. Felix’s hand flew to Hyunjin’s hair and a subtle sigh fleeted from his throat, which had Hyunjin moaning around his length. 

Hyunjin kept his eyes locked on Felix’s. In all honesty, he’d always made an attempt to do so every time he’d gotten Felix like this. The need to see his face; his expression when Hyunjin was unraveling every bit of him, encouraged him. 

And right now, seeing the way Felix’s brows pinched together in pleasure and how his lips parted in a silent gasp as Hyunjin’s throat welcomed more of him in, was as beautiful as he’d remembered it.

“Oh my God-” Felix whined, tightening his fingers in Hyunjin’s hair and guiding him lower. 

Being the one to make Felix feel good was one of the best feelings for Hyunjin. So much so, just seeing the expression on his face had Hyunjin rutting his erection into the mattress beneath his hips, in search of any friction that could be found. 

He continued working his mouth around Felix’s cock, now that he’d taken him all the way in. Hollowing his cheeks and moving his tongue in the way he knew, all of which were actions he’d kept in mind that drove Felix to the edge. 

“Hyun… Jinnie- fuck,” the blond’s head dropped back onto the bed, losing his gaze on Hyunjin as the sensations overwhelmed him. 

Hyunjin knew that they should keep quiet, to not disturb their friends that he hadn’t even paid mind to since entering the bedroom, but he couldn’t get himself to stifle Felix’s sounds—not when they were so addicting, so beautiful. 

He could tell, by the way Felix’s breathing had increased rapidly and how his cock was throbbing on Hyunjin’s tongue, that he was close. 

He’d widened his eyes at the feeling of Felix’s hand guiding his mouth away. “Mhm, no- wait-“ Felix shakily stuttered, “ ‘Don’t... don’t wanna come like this.”

The brunet pressed a kiss to the tip before pulling off completely and pushing himself up from the way he’d been laying. “Lix? What’s wrong?” he gently asked. 

“Nothing,” he shook his head in response, chest still heaving from the intensity of it all, “No- ‘wanna come on your cock.” 

Hyunjin reached up to wipe the tears that had formed along Felix’s lashes, then joined their lips together again for a moment. When they’d pulled away, he ran his fingers through the blond hair of the younger and tilted his chin towards him. 

“Yeah?” he questioned, though the lilt in his voice gave away all sense of the teasing he’d meant for the word to hold. 

Felix nodded instantaneously, then glanced his eyes down to Hyunjin’s lips with a “please.”

Hyunjin moved to stand, whilst admiring the entirely flushed body of Felix laying openly on the bed. 

Felix had been trembling, and his cock was still leaking onto his stomach where it rested. He was seemingly shy under Hyunjin’s gaze, if the way he hiked up one leg to shield himself and fidgeted with his fingers was anything to go by. 

Hyunjin mentally thanked his past self while walking across the room to his duffel bag, where he’d pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube. He hadn’t brought the items with any intention of actually using them; as a just in case scenario, but he was more grateful than ever that he’d thrown them in the bag last minute. 

Before reaching the end of the bed, he ridded of his t-shirt, as well as his shorts and boxers, in a brief movement, letting his own hard cock spring free. 

He’d settled in between the younger’s legs again, bringing one hand to frame his sweat-dampened freckled cheeks and the other to his thigh. Felix smiled against Hyunjin’s lips when they’d connected again, twisting his fingers into his hair. 

As Hyunjin gently massaged the inner of Felix’s thigh with his thumb, he pulled away slightly from that addicting mouth to locate the bottle and squeeze some of the lube onto his fingers. 

Felix hastily made to rejoin their lips again, and after Hyunjin let the cool liquid warm from his body heat for a moment, he brought his fingers to Felix’s rim, slowly easing the pad of his first finger inside. 

Stretching him open, mixed with Hyunjin’s mouth continuing its wet and sloppy kisses along Felix’s neck, had a string of frantic whines leaving his mouth. 

When Hyunjin hooked his finger and pressed into Felix’s prostate, the blond gasped. Hyunjin basked in the noises; the needy, desperate sounds escaping Felix. 

“Y- You can add another,” Felix uttered in a quick breath before another moan worked its way up his throat. 

And so Hyunjin did. He’d continued working his fingers inside of him, pressing deep and scissoring them until Felix was writhing beneath him and blabbering broken phrases like Oh, God… yes.

Hyunjin pulled back somewhat to grab the condom, and Felix’s hand came to take hold of his wrist. “Don’t want that,” he’d spoken in an almost upset tone. 

“Just to be safe, baby. Okay?” 

“I haven’t been with anyone, Jinnie. Please? Please, I just want you.”

Hyunjin’s heart swelled in his chest. Felix hadn’t been with anyone in the five months they’d spent apart? Hyunjin hadn’t either, only because he never moved on from Felix; couldn’t give himself to anyone else with the love of his life still lingering in his mind. Though he’d been internally happy about the information for a moment, he felt guilty when actually thinking about it. Felix deserved to feel good, to be happy; not to be stuck dwelling on Hyunjin’s own shitty mistakes that had hurt them. 

“-have you?” He was pulled out of his thoughts to the younger’s fingertips tracing lightly over his cheeks. 

“No. No, I haven’t,” he smiled, watery from the overwhelming emotions swarming within his head. 

Felix planted a kiss to his lips again, leaving their foreheads resting together for a moment after. 

Tears welled in Hyunjin’s eyes as the surreal realization hit him once again that this was real life and not some dreaded, painful dream that he would wake from and be left to reflect on for days. 

He’d squeezed a fair amount of lube into his palm, spreading it over his aching, leaking cock, while blinking back the wetness from his eyes.

When he pulled his hips back to align himself against Felix’s dripping entrance, he’d made it a point to only keep his eyes fixed with the blonds, to take in every subtle expression that flickered across his face. 

Slowly, leisurely, he began to press into Felix. The latter bit down hard on his bottom lip, his eyes that had been trying so strenuously to remain locked on Hyunjin’s fluttered close as a whiny gasp escaped his throat. 

His heart thumping deafeningly in his eardrums as he guided his hips further, did little to take away from the complete focus he had on every single intoxicating noise spilling from Felix’s lips. The sight of Felix’s jaw slacking when Hyunjin bottomed out nearly had him climaxing already, but he’d forced himself to hold on. 

“You okay, baby?” He reached up to brush Felix’s bangs away and cup his cheek.

Felix nodded whilst he stifled a moan, prying his eyes open to lustfully gaze at Hyunjin. Another whimper left his mouth when he’d tightened his legs further around Hyunjin’s back and wriggled his hips down, pushing himself harder against his cock. 

“Mhm-yeah. You… You can move,” the younger had blinked slowly, raising his hands to rest on Hyunjin’s shoulders and pressing his nails into the flesh. 

Stars had swarmed Hyunjin’s vision when he dragged his hips away from Felix’s and snapped them forward—not quickly or rough, but with just enough force to result in a series of exhilarating, needy moans from Felix. 

Though completely sober, Hyunjin had felt drunk off of the unreal feeling of Felix’s walls clenching around his cock. He had known from the beginning that he wasn’t going to last very long, but when Felix dug his heels further into his back and pulled him infinitely closer, forcing his cock deeper, he’d felt the heat in his stomach begging to be let go. 

“Fuck- Oh m… God,” Felix’s voice quivered when Hyunjin had pushed forward again. 

He’d looked up through his own soaked lashes to see tears building at the corners of Felix’s eyes. When he picked his head up enough to press his lips to Felix’s, the younger choked out the sob he’d been holding back. 

Hyunjin peppered Felix’s entire face - forehead, eyelids, cheeks, lips - with gentle kisses, while he’d continued thrusting his length into him. 

Felix’s cock remained aching between where their bodies had pressed together, precum soaking them both. And once again, Hyunjin could tell by the way his breathing had rapidly increased in the last minute, and how his desperate noises grew higher pitched, that Felix had been moments from his orgasm.

“ ‘M gonna come,” the blond panted, lolling his head to the side and exposing his neck, which Hyunjin graciously planted his lips to before locking his eyes on him again. 

“Look at me, baby,” Hyunjin cupped his cheek and Felix fluttered his eyes open, “Wanna see you when you come.” 

With another deep thrust, Felix had came with an intense, needy gasp and a choked sob—most likely too loud to go unnoticed by the others downstairs, but Hyunjin wouldn’t have changed a thing about it even if the thought had crossed his head; Felix’s noises had (always) been perfect. Sticking and painting both of their bodies white, he rode out the high of his climax. 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin connected his lips to Felix’s, “S’ good, Lix.”

As Felix breathed out in shaky, uncoordinated exhales, Hyunjin didn’t slow his rhythm; he’d kept steadily pounding his cock into Felix, chasing his own orgasm that was seconds from consuming him. 

“God- Gonna come, baby,” he’d managed to utter, pulse hammering in his skull. 

He made a move to pull his hips back - to avoid filling Felix, though he’d wanted to so badly - but when Felix’s arms were chasing, gripping onto Hyunjin’s shoulders wherever he could reach, with simple pleas of Inside. Please, Jinnie.

Both the sight of Felix beneath him, dazed and unbelievably perfect, and one final press of his cock into that heat, had Hyunjin dropping his head onto Felix’s shoulder and coming hard inside him. 

A groan had left his throat as his vision swarmed, and when he was wrung dry he’d pulled his head back to look at Felix. 

Felix’s chest was still quickly rising and falling, tear stains streaked down his temples, lips red, swollen, and spit covered, yet Hyunjin couldn’t help but take his time admiring him—what they had just done.

The brunet joined their lips together for the umpteenth time, running a hand through Felix’s sweat-dampened hair. Though he’d just made love to Felix, given him everything he had in that moment, he couldn’t believe it; couldn’t believe Felix was under him, in his bed, in his arms. 

“I love you.” 

The words left his tongue before he could register them, and even if he had, he wouldn’t have stopped himself from saying them. He’d wished there was a stronger word than love for what he felt for Felix. 

“I love you,” Felix spoke softly, cupping Hyunjin’s cheeks in his warm palms and gently wiping beneath his tear filled eyes, “so much, Jinnie.”

They’d laid completely motionless for another ten minutes, simply basking in the quietness and comfort that was brought by one another. Hyunjin then stood, gathering Felix in his arms and walking them to the bathroom. There, he’d turned on the shower, and while waiting for it to warm he pressed tender kisses on Felix’s face. 

After showering and thoroughly cleaning themselves, they dressed in comfortable clothes - Felix in one of Hyunjin’s sweatshirts - and returned to the bedroom. The elder quickly bunched the sheets up and tossed them to the floor, tired and not wanting to waste time, before lying down and pulling Felix into his arms. 

He’d held Felix close, tracing gentle patterns with his fingertips over his waist. He allowed himself to drown out all other noises echoing in the room, like the wind cascading through the leaves of the trees outside the window. Felix’s small fingers toyed with Hyunjin’s, and he let himself be fully immersed in the feeling of Felix’s touch - soft, kind. 

“Thank you for loving me,” Felix broke the silence that had enveloped them. 

Hyunjin tilted his head down to look at the blond, his gaze softening more, if that had been possible. 

“Thank you for letting me love you, Lix.”

He pressed a kiss to Felix’s hair, and though he’d tried to ignore it, three buzzes of his phone on the nightstand had interrupted them. He’d reached out one hand to blankly search for the device, and when he’d squinted to read the messages received he huffed a laugh. 

[changbinnn]

sleeping with minnie tonight

happy for u and lix but god youre loud

both of u

not to ruin your moment or anything

Not having the energy to form a response, he’d turned his phone off and placed it back down where it had previously been. He secured his arms further around Felix’s warm, comforting frame and hugged him closer into his body. 

“We weren’t quiet enough,” Hyunjin muttered, eyes shut as he nuzzled his head between Felix’s shoulder blades. 

“Sorry,” Felix giggled, a sweet airy sound, before turning in Hyunjin’s arms to face him. “But, in all fairness, how many times have Ji and Min interrupted our movie nights before?”

Hyunjin laughed lightly, blinking his eyes open and softening his gaze once he’d locked eyes with the gentle expression looking back at him. His heart hammered in his chest again, and he was so sure Felix could feel it as well.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about them. You sound so pretty.” He planted a kiss on Felix’s temple, then lips, just because he could. 

“I’m yours, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin tightened his hand where it sprawled on Felix’s lower back, his other hand stroking through his hair tenderly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Always. I’ll always be yours,” Felix smiled so softly that Hyunjin thought he might begin crying again. 

“I love you, baby,” he’d spoke gently, voice laced with admiration for the man in his arms, “so fucking much. Thank you.”

“Love you more.”

-

When Hyunjin peeled his eyes open to the harsh light of the sun beaming across his face, he blinked twice before registering the weight pressing on his left arm. He let out a fond sigh, gazing upon the sunlight washed on Felix’s cheeks, highlighting his freckles. 

So long since he’d gotten Felix like this. 

Though Felix was always beautiful without even trying, Hyunjin had long since come to the conclusion that Felix pulled under by sleep was a different kind of beauty. 

When his face was slightly puffy. When his lips parted faintly as light breaths left his mouth. When his golden hair was adorably disheveled and sprawled across the pillow. 

Hyunjin softly ran his fingers through the strands and smoothed them down, because he could now. 

Felix was his. 

“What’re you looking at?” 

A tender smile formed on Hyunjin’s lips when the sleepy voice he’d been endeared by—and spent months longing for—entered his ears. 

“You’re so pretty.” He brushed a thumb under Felix’s eye, to ensure that this was real life. Before tightening his arms around the latter and nuzzling his head into the warmth of his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

Felix giggled quietly, running his fingers down the length of Hyunjin’s spine and resting on the small of his back. 

“Missed this,” the words had left Felix’s lips in such a soft whisper that Hyunjin almost didn’t hear it. But even unconsciously, all of his thoughts had been tuned to Felix. Every subtle movement, every whispered word. 

They laid like that for another slow passing twenty minutes, until the sun had moved to gleam on the rumpled sheets of the bed. 

Felix stretched out his legs, feet brushing over Hyunjin’s calves in doing so, and he shifted so they could see one another. 

“What are we gonna tell them?” he’d blinked to focus his eyes on the brunet’s face. 

“Well, I think they may know already, or at least have an idea,” Hyunjin replied, reaching his hand up to comb Felix’s hair away from his eyes. “It’s up to you, Lix. Whatever you’re ready for, whatever you want them to know.”

Felix nodded and then remained silent for a moment. And Hyunjin let himself simply bask in Felix’s presence, in his comfort - the feeling of Felix’s fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns onto his back. 

“We can tell them we’re back together then, if you’re ready.” Hyunjin noticed the sigh of relief Felix let out when he had responded with a nod. “I’m sure they’ll be happy, especially Seungmin. He’s been so annoying—telling me to just talk to you over and over for four months straight.”

Hyunjin chuckled lightly, being reminded of his own corresponding situation with Jisung. He’ll tell Felix about it all soon. “Baby, we were the annoying ones I think. Looking back I have to unfortunately say I agree with them.” 

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Felix huffed, though it held no actual heat, “we were, though, for sure.”

Hyunjin hummed in agreement before letting his head fall back onto Felix’s shoulder. 

Of course, they had been stupid and annoying. Hyunjin realized that long ago, and had been even more stupid to not do something about it until this week. But it didn’t matter, he had Felix now. 

“You still never actually asked me, Jinnie.”

Genuine confusion made itself clear on Hyunjin’s face as he pulled his head back to look at Felix. “Asked you what?”

Met with a teasing smile on Felix’s face, he’d felt even more puzzled by what the next words to leave his mouth could possibly be. 

“To be your boyfriend again.”

With an airy giggle spilling from his lips, he tightened his arms around the blond’s waist. God, I love him. 

“I thought that was established after last night,” he voiced, slightly exclaiming his words, and refocusing his gaze on Felix while cupping his cheek in one palm, “Lix, will you be my boyfriend again?” 

“Yes. Of course I will, Hyunjinnie.” 

After lying in bed for another leisurely passing hour, solely content to just hold each other like they’d loved to, they decided on going to join the others—who for the past while had been heard one by one walking down the hallway. 

They’d walked downstairs together, Felix just a step behind Hyunjin, and when they entered the kitchen all eyes turned to them. 

“Finally, you’re awake!”

“Good morning, lovebirds.”

“About time.”

Hyunjin rounded the counter to pour himself a bowl of cereal, and Felix followed in doing the same. He’d tried to not pay much attention to their friends bickering about them, since he’d assumed the news had been revealed long before they woke. However, when he’d looked up through his still-tired, heavy eyes to see Jisung handing Jeongin an unknown amount of money, he exclaimed “are you serious?”

As he finished the last of his breakfast and placed the empty bowl in the sink, Chan slid into the space beside him, loosely wrapping an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders.

“So, you and Lix finally figured yourselves out?”

“Yes, Hyung,” Hyunjin sighed, though it held no actual annoyance. He glanced around the room, eyes taking in the others still looking between him and Felix. “Jesus, were all of you just waiting for something to happen?” he laughed. 

“Obviously.”

“Yes, you’re both idiots! It’s time you realized your stupidity.”

“Of course. Happy you two figured your shit out, I couldn’t stand another second watching you puppy-eye Felix.”

He felt a gentle, comforting touch to his waist, and when he had glanced down Felix was at his side giggling fondly. 

He’d missed this so much. 

The group had lingered in the kitchen for a while longer, chatting aimlessly about plans once returning home. One after another, they had all dispersed into their rooms to pack their belongings from the past week. 

After Hyunjin gathered his things - which hadn’t taken long considering he had thankfully somehow managed to stay rather organized - he knocked on the door to Felix and Seungmin’s room.

When the door pulled open to reveal the blond, he wished he could simply pull Felix into his arms, drag him back home with him immediately, but he had to be responsible and stick to his intentions. 

“I wanted to say bye before me and Innie left.”

“You’re leaving already? Ah- okay, well… Thank you for everything, Jinnie,” Felix spoke kindly, softly, and then, “I’ll text you when I’m back, yeah? Maybe I can come over?”

Hyunjin felt his heart skip a beat at that, though it was secretly all he’d hoped for—Felix at his apartment again. “Yeah, sounds good. Thank you, Lix.”

Felix gently took Hyunjin’s hand in his own before pressing their lips together. It wasn’t a kiss of hunger or neediness, but rather one that spoke I’m so happy to have you again. 

When they’d pulled away from each other, that known feeling of his pulse echoing in his ears had made itself clear to Hyunjin. 

“Bye, Hyunjinnie. See you later.”

“Mhm. Bye, baby.”

Once arriving home after dropping Jeongin off, Hyunjin had swiftly unpacked his belongings and collapsed onto the plush mattress of his bed. 

He’d thrown a hand out to retrieve his sketchbook off of the bedside table and opened it to the next blank page. 

Pencil in hand, he had set about drawing Felix’s expression from the previous night when they had been entwined - glassy pupils blown wide, puffy lips wet, and completely and utterly perfect. 

Just as he was concluding the final piece, that had in the end had made bittersweet tears form in his eyes, his phone buzzed beside him. 

[lix ❤️]

Because he’d never been able to get himself to change the contact name. 

seungminnie is just gonna drop me off at yours if that’s okay

be there in likeee 

thirty minutes