Chapter Text
I stand in shocked silence as Mother hands down her edict with lethal finality. My stomach tightens, and for a moment I fear I might actually be sick. The Rider's Quadrant. She's sending Violet to the fucking Rider's Quadrant! I feel sick as I picture my twin’s face. She can’t be serious!
"No!" I don't even try to stop the angry refusal from flying out of my mouth. It’s been years since I said that word to my mother, but I'm so far past caring about consequences right now that it barely even registers. She can’t possibly be serious!
"Excuse me?" The woman that turns to face me isn't my mother, she is Lillith Sorrengail, General, Dragon Rider, War Hero, and she is pissed. In any other circumstance that might’ve given me reason to pause, but not now, not where Violet is concerned. Any amount of risk is worth it if it means I might be able to keep my sister from that death trap.
"I said no! Are you insane? She has no training and Parapet is in six months! Even if she trains day and night she won't be ready! You're killing her!" I slam my hands down on my mother's desk, upsetting the ink well that she still insists on using for all official military correspondence. I take a petty amount of pleasure watching it seep over the letter she was writing, blacking out the words.
"Violet is more capable than you realize. She's a Sorrengail. She'll be fine." The frosty egotistical declaration shatters the last of my patience. I sweep my hands across the desk as she starts to turn her attention away, upsetting everything and sending papers scattering to the floor. Childish? Perhaps, but it keeps her eyes on me, keeps her from ignoring me like she's been content to do since Father died.
"No! I will not watch you sacrifice my twin, your fucking daughter, at the altar of your gods damned ego! Violet belongs with the Scribes! I won't let you send her into that sick fucking abattoir of a school!" The silence that descends is deafening. I hear a distant roll of thunder and see the storm gathering in my mother's eyes. She stands slowly from her desk and walks around it, her pace measured. I watch her, refusing to back down. This is too important. Violet is too important.
"That 'abattoir', as you so eloquently put it, has trained some of the finest warriors Navarre has ever known, including your sister and your brother." She's standing so close to me that I can feel her breath on my face. Her whole body is screaming a warning at me, but I don't listen, I can't. The rage is still pounding in my ears. Five years, five fucking years, that’s how long Violet and I have been basically on our own, and now this sorry excuse of a woman wants to step in and act like she knows my twin better than I do? No, I won’t allow it. I don’t care if it kills me, I will keep my sister safe.
"Yeah, it did. Remind me, Mother, where are they now? Oh yeah! Mira is stationed so far away we never see her. According to the last reports you so graciously let us read, she's been nearly maimed Four Fucking Times this year alone. And, where is Brennan again? That’s right, he's DEAD!" The slap takes me by surprise, but only for a moment. Even as my cheek starts to burn, I launch myself at my mother with a roar of pure fire and rage. I get one hit in before I'm being pulled off of her by the guards that stand constant vigil outside her office door.
"Take her to her rooms. She needs to calm down. And send Violet to me, we need to discuss her future." I'm being dragged from the room, but I don't go easy. I kick and flail, trying to break free, to do something, anything, to change my mother's mind.
"I'll never forgive you if you make her do this! Do you hear me? Never!" The door closes with a heavy finality that takes all the fight out of me. As my body goes slack, the guards, men I've known practically my whole life, release the bruising grip they've had on my arms and I shake my jacket back into place. I can feel the conflict burning in both of them.
I wasn’t quiet and I know from personal experience how thin the door to Mother’s office is. They don’t like this turn of events any more than I do, but they’re bound by duty and the oath they took to obey whatever command the General gives. That simple fact is the only thing that keeps me from turning around and trying to get back into that fucking room.
The walk back to my chambers passes by me without much notice. I've walked it so many times I could do it backwards while blindfolded. My mind is churning, searching for a solution, any way to keep my twin safe. It isn't until I hear the lock close on my door that I come back to myself. The screech that leaps from my chest barely sounds human. Rage consumes me as my hand reaches out, grabbing one of the many weapons that decorate the walls of my room. Normally I would turn to the training dummy that rests by my wardrobe, but not this time. This isn’t training, this isn’t what I’ve spent my life working toward, this is something deeper, something primal.
My heart pounds in my chest, the familiar ache of it making my breath feel short, but I ignore it. I grip the haft of the axe and swing at the first fucking thing I see, and I don’t stop until the rage gives way to despair. I sink to my knees with a hoarse sob, the shattered remnants of my room lying in splinters around me, and I choke on gasping sobs until the world fades away. The last thing I’m aware of, as my heart stutters painfully in my chest, is the soft silver strands of my sister’s hair falling around me as she rushes to my side. I notice dimly how it mixes with my own black strands, the silver somehow brighter than the steel my hair fades to. Everything about her is softer than me, lighter, sweeter. My heart aches for her, for that softness that I know will be driven from her soon, if she can even survive that long.
Six Months Later
"Don't bother Mira. I've been begging for months and come to the conclusion that, whatever compassion and humanity our mother had left, died when our father did." My words slice through their bickering like a well honed blade. Silence falls in the crowded room and my sisters turn their shocked gazes to me. I'm not looking at them though, I'm looking at our mother's stony face, and I hope she can see the hatred burning in my eyes.
"Ali!" Violet's voice is quiet, lacking the true outrage it had months ago when I first let fly with all the vitriol that had been building up inside me for years.
"Alinora!" Mira's voice is much more brusque, her eyebrows drawing together in genuine shock and offense. I’d been on my best behavior for the week that she’d been home, wanting to keeping the peace and enjoy my last days of freedom without the ever present battle that has become my day to day since my mother came to her little decision. This is the first she’s seeing of the real feelings I have toward the monster that took the place of my mother the day we buried my father.
"Enough. I've made my decision. Go gather your things girls, conscription begins soon." Violet files dutifully out of the room. Mira follows. I turn toward the door, pick up one of mother's many war trophies, turn, and chuck it as hard as I can against the wall beside her head. It shatters and I have a brief moment of satisfaction as she flinches, but the rage returns just as quickly.
"When you're cradling another dead child in your arms. I want you to remember these past months. I hope every damn second plays out in your mind as you realize just how wrong you were, and I hope it fucking kills you." I don't wait for her to respond, turning on my heel and marching out of the door, slamming it closed behind me.
It takes no time at all to fetch my pack from my room. I've had it ready for days, weighed and organized for optimal balance and stability. Violet, on the other hand, is...less prepared. When I get to her room, Mira is ripping things out of her pack left and right, mostly books, and I can't help but feel sorry for my twin as she struggles to come to terms with the fact that she is no longer going to need all the heavy tomes our father taught her to love.
"Mira, let me do that. Her hair is gonna be a problem if it isn't tied back and I'm shit at braids." I take the sack from my big sister, sitting down on the floor and quickly weeding through all the things my sister has tried to take with her. Unlike with Mira, Violet doesn't try to argue with me. Maybe it's because we're twins, or maybe it's because we grew up sharing two halves of one life, but whatever the reason, she's always just understood me. She trusts me to understand her just as well.
"I can't believe you talked to Mom like that." Mira settles behind Violet and starts brushing back her hair, fingers moving without much thought as they go through the familiar motions. I don't look up from my task, separating the books out into useful and unnecessary.
"That's nothing, they've been at each other's throats for months. I didn't want to worry you but, it's gotten physical a few times." Violet keeps her head still as she speaks, her voice soft. I hate how small she's made herself since Dad died. I understand why she did it, and I don't blame her at all, but I miss the bright, brash light she used to have.
"What!? You hit...she...what is the matter with you Ali!?" Mira's hands tug a little too hard against Violet's scalp as her temper flares and she settles back down with a muttered apology. I have to work to keep myself calm as rage and abject terror mix with the years old sorrow and grief that have never quite faded. Tears track down my face and I sniffle softly as I slip the fairytale book that Dad loved into Violet's pack and cinch it closed.
"Nothing, because I’m not wrong. What’s wrong is that our mother has hardened her heart so much that she would rather see her children die as Riders than live as a reminder of the husband she lost, in large part because of her own fucking neglect. What's wrong is that I've had to sit here for years and watch that bitch of a woman try and reduce Me and Violet both to small, cowering, obedient little dogs!" I don't remember getting to my feet, but as I finish speaking, I realize I'm looking down at my sisters, and tears are now streaming from my eyes.
"Oh Ali...I'm..she..." Mira sighs, realizing she doesn't have anything to say that might actually comfort me. Instead, she tucks the tail end of Violet's coronet braid into the twisting strands at the nape of her neck and crosses the small distance to where I'm standing. I can feel myself trembling, my chest hitching around each gasping breath, and the moment her arms close around me, the dam inside me breaks. She sinks to the ground with me as heartache pours out in deep wracking sobs. It's the first time I've let myself really feel the fear that has been consuming me for months. Violet's arms encircle me from behind, and that's all I know for a long moment.
Eventually, my tears begin to ebb, and I return to myself, feeling shaky, but stable. I suck in a few hiccuping breaths, my own little sign that I'm calming down, and use the sleeve of my black shirt to wipe away the tear tracks on my face. A soft sniffle at my back let's me know that I'm not the only one that needed to vent some emotion. Without really thinking, I turn and pull Violet close, clinging to her like I used to do when we were little and the thunder Mother conjured would frighten me. Mira wraps her arms around both of us, working to steady her own breathing as the bell in the courtyard begins to toll.
We rise as one, Violet and I shouldering our packs while Mira gives us one last check. We've both got our new boots on, a gift to help us keep our footing, and Violet is looking just a little bad ass in the secret scale armor Mira had made for her. She'd already apologized to me more than once that she didn't have one for me too, but I'd been quick to assure her that I wasn't upset. Teine only had so many scales to shed, and I would much rather they go to Violet, than me.
"Okay, time to go." I twist my neck, feeling some of the tension leave it as it cracks loudly. Violet and I both laugh softly as Mira shudders, shooting me a glare. It feels good, a tiny spot of humor amidst the fear still trying to consume us both. Mira just glares at me, she's always hated when I cracked my neck or my back, so of course I do it every chance I get. She huffs out an exasperated breath before launching into a last minute lecture that I can tell Violet is hanging onto like a life line.
"Stay together, you'll be targets from the moment they hear your names. I won't be able to go with you past the base of the tower. Remember to pace yourselves, don't be in a rush. If the wind starts to pick up, lean into it, not away, it'll help you keep your balance. Keep your arms away from your sides, but not all the way out, angles help break the wind." Mira's advice follows us all the way across the courtyard where hundreds of young men and women are filing in around us, heading into one of the four gaping maws that will lead to their chosen Quadrant.
Our mother tries to speak to us as we approach. Violet stops. I don't. I have nothing left to say to that woman, and I hope my silence scalds whatever is left of the maternal affection she once had toward me. I stop about ten feet away, turning to wait patiently while Violet says her goodbyes, but my gaze never leaves my sister. Once Violet is back at my side, I turn, intent on resuming our walk to the massive tower that will lead us up to the Rider's Quadrant. A hand on my shoulder stops me.
"Alinora, please." For the first time in months, there is real emotion in my mother's voice as she speaks my name. I can almost hear the panic that she must be feeling as she realizes I was never bluffing about following Violet up those stairs. All this time, these months of belittling me and lording her power over me, she thought I would fold. Now she's realizing just how badly she miscalculated, and there is no time left to fix things. I turn, my face passive.
"Yes, General Sorrengail?" It takes everything in me not to smirk as I watch the barb hit home. She's always been so proud of her rank, of her power, but she's never really realized what it cost her until this moment. The heartbreak in her eyes would've hurt me a few months ago, but not anymore, not now. It's too little and far too late.
"Please..just...look after each other and...I l-" The bell tolls above us again, signaling that it is time to begin our ascent.
"Of course General, excuse me." I shrug off her hand, giving a perfect salute before I turn and rejoin my sister. I'm a few steps away when a tall blond wall of meat shoves his way in front of me. I huff out a sigh, my hand itching to jab him in the side and take my place beside my sister, but I close my eyes and breathe through the rage until it fades. I have to keep my cool until we're both across. I can't fuck up now. She needs me to look out for her up there. So I let the stupid walking assault case bluster as we slowly make our way up the tower, keeping my eye on Violet as she strikes up conversation with the people in front of her.
I can't help smiling at how easy it seems for her. She's always been good at connecting with people. I’m the quiet one, the one that sits back and watches while Violet lets herself shine. I’ve loved watching her flourish and grow into herself, and I’ve used every trick I could learn to keep her safe. Some things never change I guess, but I'm gonna need one hell of a trick to keep us breathing where we're going. I very nearly say something as I watch her surreptitiously switch a single shoe with the girl in front of her, but by the time I think to do so, the chance for them to switch back has already passed.
Predictably, the jackass that cut in front of me has opinions on what my sister is saying, and they are just as violent and stupid as the rest of him seems to be. Violet does a good job of ignoring him, but I can tell right away that he's taken an interest. My palm settles over one or the many throwing knives I have hidden in the belt around my waist. If he tries anything, he'll drop like a stone to the tower floor below. Lucky for both of us, we reach the top before he can do anything truly offensive. Unlucky for Violet and I, someone much worse is waiting for us when we get there.
"Ready for the next one Riorson?" I can't see the man who's speaking, but the name he says chills my blood and makes my ears ring with panic. No fucking way he just said what I think he said. He can't have. Sure, Mira warned us on the walk over that Fen's son was here, but we can't possibly be unlucky enough to meet him first fucking thing...right? I lean as far out from the wall as my balance will allow and I watch the woman in front of Violet say something to her. I can't hear what it is over the sudden rush of wind, but I can see the way the man at the mouth of the Parapet reacts. I silently curse every God for their capricious sense of humor.
There's no denying who he is. He has his father's baring, his dark hair, tawny skin, those chiseled features that I always saw in briefing illustrations during the war. My mind should be focused solely on the fact that he is probably our biggest threat in this hell hole, but there’s one other thing I can’t help but realize. He's unfairly fucking handsome. The way his arms tense as they cross over his broad chest makes me wanna melt. My teeth ache to bite at the thick column of his neck, assuming I could even reach it. He's so fucking tall and just...big. I shake myself as I watch his eyes narrow at my sister and I feel my stomach drop. Right, revenge, life ending vendetta, focus!
"Sorrengail? You're General Sorrengail's youngest, well, one of them anyway." Mira's warning flashes through my mind, but there's nothing I can do while I'm stuck behind the sentient asshole. I swallow a growl as I watch Violet roll her shoulders back. I can’t stop the muttered swear that falls from my lips as I watch her start to spin up. Gods, why did she have to rediscover her spine now of all times?
"And your Fen Riorson's son." The venom in her voice makes my skin prick with anxiety. What the hell is she thinking!? Why doesn't she just paint a target on her face and call it a day!? I want to shout at her, remind her that he didn’t do anything wrong, that he isn’t responsible for his father’s actions, but that would just draw unwanted attention to both of us.
"Your Mother captured my Father and oversaw his execution." Great, not even across the damn Parapet yet and already she's making an enemy. Why the fuck can't the Gods be kind to us just once!? Part of me can’t help but admit that the man has a point. Our mother is responsible for a lot of the pain he and many other children went through following the end of the war. Another part of me rushes to remind myself that we aren’t any more responsible for our mother’s actions than he is for his father’s.
"And your Father killed my older Brother. I think that makes us even." She crosses her arms over her chest, trying to look tough. I hear the man in front of me, Barlowe was the name he gave, snort and it takes everything in me not to punch him. The part of my brain not wholly consumed with making sure my sister doesn’t blunder her way into an early grave makes a note of him, he’s going to be trouble, most likely sooner than later, and I’m suddenly very glad he’s put himself between us. At least this way I can watch my sister’s back if he tries anything.
"Hardly." I watch his eyes skate over her body, taking in every detail with the focus and precision of a trained killer. My fingers itch to flick a knife up past his face, to break his focus before he notices anything he shouldn’t. "Your sister is a rider too right? Guess that explains the leathers." His tone is a cruel mix of dismissive and mocking, and I can feel my patience beginning to fray. I need to get to her, to break the tension between them. He’s already clocked the leathers that Mira had made for us, if he makes note of the scales…we need to get past him now! My hand begins to move, closing around the flared hilt of one of my knives.
A scream beats me to the punch, breaking the staring contest between the two of them and I watch Violet's face crumble. The man that fell was one of the ones she'd been talking to. The woman ahead of her swallows and steps up onto the stone just as the heavy clouds above begin to open up. I can't quite muffle the swear that slips out of my mouth, and the annoyance glances over his shoulder at me, a wicked grin on his face. I jab a finger into his kidney in response.
Violet is next up, and my whole body begins to tremble as the rain gets heavier. A tiny part of me wonders if this is our mother's doing. I hope it isn't, but the fact that I can't be sure makes my heart ache. I harness the pain, shoveling it into the furnace in my chest to fuel my determination. It doesn't matter if it's her or if it's just more random chance, I'm surviving it either way.
The idiot is next, and the eagerness in his eyes just confirms the worry I’ve been feeling. He's watching Violet move like she's prey, and he's coming in for the kill. He steps up onto the stone and I have to force myself to stay calm as he sets off at a quick pace. I know he's going to hurt her, try to shove her off, get her out of the way. I need to go. I try to step up, but a massive arm blocks my path.
"The other Sorrengail, I thought you were headed for the Infantry." Gods, his voice is even more devastating up close. I've never heard anything quite like it, and I can't deny that I could easily get addicted to hearing it. If the circumstances were different, I might even be game to play a bit, but I don't have time for that now. Violet doesn't have time. I look up at him and have to work to keep still as I get a good look at his eyes. They're beautiful, even in the rain, with no sun to be found, the gold flecked onyx seems to glint. For one heart beat, I allow myself to admire him, free of any context or care, but that's all I can afford.
"My mother is a manipulative bitch that decided my Scribe of a sister needed to be a Rider instead. I'm not going to leave her to fend for herself alone in this place so here I am. Now,"I duck under his arm and hop up onto the slick stone. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go save said sister." I give a mock little bow and turn, taking a moment to get my bearings on the stone before I take off at a dead sprint.
I hear voices behind me, and some far below, shouting in what I can only assume is surprise. I wish I could feel pride at that, but all I can focus on is getting to Violet before the walking meat wall does.
The stone beneath me is slick, slanted down toward the river, and narrow, but I've crossed worse. While my sister was sitting on my father's knee, reading and learning and soaking in knowledge, I was giving my whole family gray hairs by climbing anything I could find. Trees, walls, turrets, battlements, it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to be closer to the sky, to feel the wind push against me as it stole my breath.
As I grew, I started getting bolder, I would go places no sane person would ever go, and I wouldn't just sit and admire the view once I got there. No, I wanted to run, jump, scramble my way from one toe curling height to the next, and my older siblings were always trying to catch me before I could. This made me very good at keeping my footing, keeping my balance, and trusting my body not to fall as I sped across every narrow wall and path I could find. I never thought I would need to use those skills for anything but fun. I'm banking on them now.
They're close, but I'm not going to make it unless I do something really stupid. With a snarl, I slip my pack from my shoulders and get a grip on one strap. My hand closes around the reinforced leather as I hit my ass in a slide. I have my leading leg extended, aiming for the back of the man's knee. I slam into him harder than I intended, sending him tumbling sideways, and for a moment, I think I've managed to get out of it unscathed. My stomach lurches as I feel his hand grip my ankle and my whole world slides sideways.
I toss the pack up as my body slips from the Parapet, my free hand reaching for the other strap as the weighted sack lands on the stone with a wet smack. It works, mostly, keeping me from falling, but thanks to the bastard hanging onto my leg, and the sudden jarring stop, my shoulder gives a nasty, wet pop and begins to radiate blinding hot pain down into my chest.
I screech like a raging beast and everything I've been struggling to contain comes boiling out of me, centered on the smirking fuck that is trying to use me like a gods damned ladder. I lift the leg he doesn't have hold of and ram the sole of my boot down hard against his face. Each kick comes with another shout, and the vicious thing in me that has always been there roars as blood starts to pour from the man's face.
His hands begin to lose their grip as I rain blow after blow down on him. Finally, his eyes roll back in his head and his grip goes slack. I watch him fall, panting and numb from the driving rain that is soaking me, but I'm not safe yet. I still have to get back up onto the Parapet and finish crossing.
I bite back a snarl as I start to pull myself from side to side, building momentum as I start to swing. My shoulder screams in protest. Spots dance in my vision. I feel the tell tale rush of cold flood through me that warns me that I’m nearing my limit, but I don't stop. I can't. I can hear Violet's voice through the rush of blood in my ears. She’s screaming at me to get up, to come to her. I can hear the tears in her voice. I can't fail her, not now.
With one last pull, I vault my body in a perfect arc up and around. My knees slam into the wet stone, and for a moment, everything spins and I fear I might fall again. I draw a breath, slinging my pack back up onto my shoulders and surge to my feet. My balance is all but gone, each gust of wind feels like it's going to send me careening over the edge. I lean into it like Mira told me to, and I remember what my brother taught me.
Violet and I have always been weak compared to our siblings. Our bodies have never worked quite right. Our joints are loose, our ankles sprain easily, and while we can pull off some pretty impressive feats of flexibility, it’s always been embarrassingly easy for us to injure ourselves. Brennan, our big brother, hated to see us suffer, and had taken it upon himself to help us figure out ways to avoid it. While they worked, for the most part, he quickly learned that he would need to come up with ways for us to keep going, even if we did get hurt. One of the first ones he ever came up with was what he'd called "going in your shell".
We'd been small when he showed us, still little enough to find pretending to be a turtle fun instead of embarrassing. He'd used that to his advantage, turning his technique into a game we would actually want to learn. It was simple, and it was the only thing keeping me going now. He'd taught us how to center our balance over one foot at a time by hunching our bodies forward, like a turtle tucking it's head into it's shell.
From there, we would just put one foot in front of the other, using slow and measured steps until we got where we needed to be. Back then, that place was usually to our parents or one of our siblings, now though, that place was the end of this impossibly long stone bridge, and it feels like it will never come.
Eventually, though it seems like years of plodding, painful steps, I see the edge of the Parapet, the drop down into the turret that connects the Rider's Quadrant to the rest of Basgiath. Violet is there, tears streaming down her pale face, eyes bright with fear, and her freezing hands help me down. I straighten as much as I can and hobble over to the rider seated at a small table. I take a breath and give my name, Alinora Sorrengail, officially signing my life away to the Navarrean military just as the clouds above begin to clear.