Chapter Text
The scent of fresh morning dew wafted through the air. Soft heat beamed from the sun into the car, alongside a pleasant breeze. It was a perfect Friday, and Wei Wuxian needed to get fucked.
Okay, not fucked—no, more like he needed to be bent over and broken apart.
It's not like it's going to happen anytime soon. Wei Wuxian has been dating Lan Wangji since middle school, which is exactly why it’s so hard to do…anything! Wei Wuxian always thought that being childhood friends only added to their magnificent love story, but he didn’t know it would cause a weird game of sex chicken.
It might be due to all the paranoid lectures about teen pregnancy. Maybe Lan Zhan thinks they should wait for marriage like the good boy he is. Or, most likely, Lan Zhan still thinks of him as that little boy who followed him everywhere.
Wei Wuxian pouts as he feels the warm air, let in by the open passenger door window, brush against his cheek. He looks longingly at the sidewalk. If he were walking to school, he could kick a rock with ample drama.
Wei Wuxian feels the heavy weight of golden eyes.
“Wei Ying. What’s wrong?”
His question almost makes Wei Wuxian grumble. How can his Alpha know him so well, even when they aren’t properly bonded?
Wei Wuxian debates about throwing a tantrum, but then Lan Zhan would probably figure him out even faster. The thought of Lan Zhan looking at him with an uncomfortable or, heavens forbid, a disgusted face freaked him out too much to try. Lan Zhan was surely too pure to think about the things he did.
When they’re at a red light, he belatedly realizes he hasn’t answered Lan Wangji yet.
“Aiyah, Er-gege, I’m just tired. I think the senioritis is getting to me." He sighs and angles his body back to his boyfriend. Wei Wuxian stretches his back out as if he were hunched over his desk doing schoolwork all night and not hunched over scrolling through porn.
Lan Wangji flashes Wei Wuxian a look, eyebrows slightly narrowing before returning to their usual spot. The line of his jaw clenches, his hand tightening firmly against the wheel. He was clearly put off by Wei Wuxian’s obvious lie.
Today he’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt with light blue sweatpants. Wei Wuxian would describe his own fashion as maximalistic, however, he had an odd enamoration with his Lan Zhan’s basic style. His shirt is fitted, not exactly tight, but it clearly makes aware that he has solid muscle underneath. Right now, actually, Wei Wuxian could see the flex of Lan Zhan’s forearm.
As Wei Wuxian continues to study his boyfriend, in case he actually made him mad, he realizes with terrifying clarity that he’s getting turned on.
He’s imagined Lan Zhan pushing him down and ravaging him with that same narrow-browed expression. Wei Wuxian wonders if his jaw would clench like that if he choked on his cock, if he’d grip his ponytail just as tight as he’s squeezing that wheel.
Wei Wuxian realized belatedly that there are actually physical consequences for his horniness. Unfortunately for every party involved, his panties are now soaked.
A while ago, he had his mom buy him an excessive amount of scent patches (‘Think of…preventing teen pregnancy, A-Niang!’ he had cried. That excuse somehow always worked.) so Lan Wangji wouldn’t smell his arousal, which was inevitably spurred around him. How embarrassing would it be to smell like a desperate Omega every second he spent with him? He usually puts a blocker on the underside of his panties, but he got ready in a rush today.
Meaning, there was nothing to hide his slick scent.
He sinks into his seat, face burning as the cloying scent of lychee and cinnamon sweetens the air. It’s much too heady for Lan Zhan not to notice. Wei Wuxian presses his thighs together and crooks his head toward the window again.
Lan Wangji doesn’t say anything for the rest of the ride.
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─
In AP Chemistry, Wei Wuxian groans into his hands as Nie Huaisang tells him about his newest venture of the week.
They had been sprawled over the black lab benches, doing anything but the required task at hand, and Wei Wuxian had enjoyed the conversation before it had switched to this topic. Apparently, Huaisang managed to sleep with Jiang Cheng of all people.
“Seriously? Why him, of all people?” Wei Wuxian questions, just a bit salty about being the last virgin of his childhood friends.
“Yeah, I would never expect you two, but if Wuxian’s mad, I support this venture,” Wen Qing hums as she actually does the lab, clinking the beaker with her nails.
Wei Wuxian pouts, and Wen Qing gives him a smirk back.
Wen Qing is his favorite—when she’s nice to him, which is unfortunately never. They met at a school protest freshman year about making slick pads free and have been best friends ever since. At least, Wei Wuxian would say so. Regardless of what Wen Qing thinks, she definitely has a soft spot for him somewhere.
“Well, it's just something about how we are in bed. It was so good I may have discussed going regular with him,” Nie Huaisang admits, fidgeting with the adjustment strap of his lab goggles.
“TMI,” Wen Qing wrinkles her nose. Wei Wuxian nods furiously in agreement.
He ignores the disturbing thought of Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang together and focuses on the unfairness of it all.
The Beta can have as much sex as he wants and not worry about teen pregnancy! How cruel this world was to Wei Wuxian, truly.
Wei Wuxian says as much, and Wen Qing scoffs, swirling their lab group’s titration flask. Her voice rises as the background chatter of students grows, since most groups have already finished the lab by now. “Have you not heard of condoms and birth control? You could do that too.”
“But Lan Zhan doesn’t—!” Wei Wuxian begins, and both Nie Huaisang and Wen Qing interrupt him.
“How about you get started on our lab report instead of wasting our time beating a dead horse,” Wen Qing deadpans, setting the flask down just to flick at Wei Wuxian’s ear.
“Have you not asked him directly?” Nie Huaisang asks.
“Wha—ow, Qing-jie! It is not a dead horse. And Huaisang…” Wei Wuxian trails off before piping up again. “Brilliant!”
Nie Huaisang tilts his head. “Uh, Wei-xiong, have you really not tried asking…?”
“No, your idea sucks." Wei Wuxian waves his hand in the air. He clears his throat.
Nie Huaisang and Wen Qing share an exasperated glance in the second of preparation Wei Wuxian gives them.
“I’m going to seduce him!”
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─
At the end of the day, Wei Wuxian makes sure to text Lan Zhan that he’s riding home with one of his friends. He needs time to prepare, obviously.
To Wei Wuxian’s surprise, Lan Zhan responds by saying he has something to take care of at school anyway. Wei Wuxian is sure he would know if his boyfriend suddenly joined another club, but he doesn’t think too much about it.
Unfortunately, that means he actually has to find someone willing to drive him home.
While he would love to ride with Nie Huaisang and get advice from someone who actually gets some, Nie Huaisang’s terrifying older brother is his personal chauffeur. Wei Wuxian has nothing against Nie Mingjue, but he doesn’t know if he can look the man in the eye again after walking in on Xichen-ge snorting coke lines off his pecs.
In the end, Wei Wuxian ends up asking Jiang Yanli. After all, her dad used to drive Wei Wuxian to school every day until Lan Zhan got a car.
The Jiangs are close to the Weis, but Yu Ziyuan and A-Niang never got along. However, as much as Wei Wuxian disliked Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng’s mother, he wouldn’t hate them because of someone else’s opinion.
Wei Wuxian spots Jiang Yanli leaning on the side of her silver BMW, lightly gesticulating with her hands as she talks to Jin Zixuan, who stands beside her with his hands in his pockets. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Wei Wuxian prepares to run over and shoo the peacock away. But, before he can, Jiang Yanli pulls Jin Zixuan by his collar for a kiss.
Of course, every couple kisses. He and Lan Zhan kiss too! But Wei Wuxian can’t shake off the feeling that this kiss is different. He’s proven correct when he sees tongue and a wandering knee being involved, and makes himself known before they start going at it against a car door in public.
“Yanli-jie!”
Jiang Yanli’s hazy eyes snap open, and she delicately pushes Jin Zixuan’s head away. “Ah…um, A-Xian!”
The peacock has the decency to look embarrassed, shuffling away from Jiang Yanli. Jin Zixuan, the evil man who had stolen both his friend and his boyfriend. How was it that he was conveniently both Jiang Yanli’s Alpha and Lan Zhan’s best friend?
Jin Zixuan clears his throat. “I guess this is my cue to leave…”
“You guessed right." Wei Wuxian crosses his arms. He can’t tell why he’s so pissed off today.
Jin Zixuan gives Jiang Yanli a soft smile before scurrying off.
Wei Wuxian glances at Jiang Yanli, whose flushed face seems to avoid his gaze.
“Yanli-jie…?”
“I’m sorry you had to see that, A-Xian,” she sighs.
“It’s not you who needs to apologize!” Wei Wuxian shakes his head vehemently. “Who does he think he is, shoving you like that?”
Jiang Yanli lets out a weak chuckle and walks over to the driver’s seat. Wei Wuxian takes his cue to sit in the passenger seat.
Jiang Yanli’s car is neat and decorated to the nines. Her seats are purple leather, and she’s bedazzled the dashboard with tiny gem art. Lan Zhan’s car is neat as well, with only a sewn bunny by Wei Wuxian dangling on his rearview mirror as decor.
As they pull out of the school parking lot, she speaks up again, tapping a manicured nail against the wheel. “I promise we’re not usually that bad. Although I’m sure you understand.”
Wei Wuxian, in the middle of poking at the handmade embroidery that keeps unraveling from his jeans, tilts his head at her. “Understand what?”
Jiang Yanli’s voice gets a bit wistful, her lily scent becoming sweeter. “What it's like to want each other all the time.”
Wei Wuxian gives her a slow blink. Right. It’s a sex thing. Which is…apparently a thing that Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli have. It’s almost more disturbing to think about than Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang, but this may be his only chance at divine intervention.
“Do you…uh, okay, this may be weird to ask, but do you have any advice?” Wei Wuxian asks, fidgeting with his seatbelt. “With sex. Specifically."
Jiang Yanli laughs. “With the way Lan Er-Gongzi looks at you, I don’t think you need to worry about that!”
“Wait…really?” Wei Wuxian asks, eyes widening. “How does Lan Zhan look at me?”
Jiang Yanli gives a polite cough before wavering. “Well…ah, like an Alpha looks at an Omega, you know.”
For once, Wei Wuxian’s picking up what’s being put down. If what Jiang Yanli says is true…maybe Wei Wuxian has been missing signals all along! But Lan Zhan certainly hasn’t claimed him yet, meaning he still is in dire need of help.
“Do you have any tips on seduction?”
“Oh, A-Xian…” Jiang Yanli shakes her head with a fond smile. “If you really want to make him lose his mind, you should…”
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─
With his newfound goal, Wei Wuxian is brimming with excitement. He knows exactly which part of Jiang Yanli’s advice to fulfill first.
He shoves off his boots, throws his jacket into his room, and sprints straight to his mother’s home office.
“A-Niang?” Wei Wuxian prods, peeking into the room. While Wei Wuxian wasn’t exactly part of her high-fashion clientele, he knew his mother probably had some advice when it came to clothes.
Cangse Sanren was a well-known fashion designer who subverted conventional social norms with her ideas. Since he was young, Wei Wuxian always knew he’d follow in his mother’s footsteps. Even if he wasn’t her son, he was sure she would still end up being his idol.
“A-Ying!” Cangse Sanren turns in her rickety chair, smoothing out the crochet blanket on the chair’s back as she stands up.
She pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, tutting that he’s gotten too tall somehow within the last few hours she hasn’t seen him. She makes sure to scent him properly, the peppery rose helping to ground him. It’s their usual routine.
“What were you doing, spying on your poor old mother like that?” Cangse Sanren says, pinching Wei Wuxian’s cheek.
“I wasn’t spying!” Wei Wuxian shifts on his feet. “I just…needed some fashion advice.”
Cangse Sanren blinks up at her eldest child, and her lips flatten. “Really? My brilliant boy, who once cut up a dress of mine because it wasn’t ‘interesting’ enough, needs my fashion advice?”
“I was five!” Wei Wuxian grumbles.
“And what a brilliant five-year-old you were,” Cangse Sanren coos, and Wei Wuxian has to dodge her hand before she starts pulling at his cheeks as if they were mantou buns.
Clearly, though, he needed to get his act together. He turns on the round eyes and pout that have gotten him out of jail.
“Mama,” Wei Wuxian whines, "won't you take your favorite child shopping? And offer him your greatest guidance?”
“Aish, how could I refuse you, Yingying?” She laughs.
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─
“Wei Wuxian!” Cangse Sanren whips her head towards Wei Wuxian as soon as he stops at their destination. “Absolutely not!”
“I didn’t even say anything yet!” Wei Wuxian argues.
The older Omega glares at the bright lettering of Victoria’s Secret splayed above the entrance and back at him. “You don’t need to.”
˖᯽ ݁˖· ─
Wei Wuxian is promptly back home after an uncharacteristically quiet car ride with his mother.
People could want pretty underwear for a lot of reasons! Maybe it says more about A-Niang than Wei Wuxian for her to be refusing it so emphatically.
He curls up into the cushioned nest atop his bed, inhaling the scent of Lan Zhan from the various clothes he has stolen.
Speaking of, Wei Wuxian hasn’t called him yet! He clicks on Lan Zhan’s contact, easily discernible from the large string of heart emojis following his name.
“Lan Zhan!” He greets as soon as he answers. He lies on his stomach, feet kicking back as they always do when he calls him.
“Wei Ying…did you hear about what happened yet?” Lan Wangji questions almost immediately.
Wei Wuxian purses his lips at the sudden question, but he answers anyway. “Um, no? But tell me! What happened in my beloved Er-gege’s day?”
“I can explain tomorrow.” He can hear Lan Wangji’s breath hitch in what seems to be relief. “Besides, I would rather listen to Wei Ying.”
“Aish, what a flirt!” Wei Wuxian giggles, plying with a loose strand of his hair that had fallen out of his ponytail. “But anyway, I do have something important to say. A-Niang is making me cancel date night!”
“What did you do?”
“Assuming I’m the villain? How could you be so cruel!” Wei Wuxian huffed.
“Wei Ying, of course, is always innocent,” Lan Wangji murmurs, and Wei Wuxian can hear a hint of a smile in his voice.
Wei Wuxian lets out a peal of laughter.
“Ahaha, Lan Zhan! Nobody ever believes me when I say you’re funny! Besides, all I did was—” Wei Wuxian stops himself.
Fuck! He can’t say he was out (trying) to buy lingerie! That would ruin the amazing surprise (which will definitely happen)!
After a bit of silence, Lan Zhan speaks up. “Wei Ying? What were you going to—”
He cannot ruin this. “Uh, wait, you’re cutting out. Lan Zhan, I’ll call you later. Byeloveyougoodnight!”
After he hangs up on Lan Wangji, he belatedly realizes the only time that works is in 2000s sitcoms.
Wei Wuxian sighs, shoving his face into one of his dozen pillows. He turns to lie on his back, pulling his phone up close to his face.
He looks through his notes app, where he had put a list of all the ways he could seduce Lan Wangji, courtesy of Jiang Yanli.
Notably, the list had lingerie at the beginning. The rest was a lot he could've searched up and found himself like: setting the mood, planning in advance, focusing on what his partner likes, cooking a meal, using cute nicknames, or compliments.
As he rereads the list, he realizes he could already cross off the last two. Maybe he could find cuter nicknames. Or, maybe he should go for a sexy nickname…
“Da-ge!”
Wei Wuxian promptly drops his phone onto his face, but he scrambles to sit up, lips curling into a grin.
His younger brother and sister, Wei Rui and Wei Min, tumble into his room. Usually, people ask how he’s never annoyed with them, considering their 12-year age gap, but somehow, he thinks he gets along with them because they are so young.
“Da-ge, did you call Ji-gege yet?” Wei Min asks, already climbing up Wei Wuxian’s knee.
Wei Wuxian ruffles her hair, pulling her into his arms. “A-Min, I just hung up! You can talk to him tomorrow.”
“Da-ge!” Wei Rui comes trailing after Wei Min, waving his hands up to be put in his lap too. “Ji-gege is in trouble. He punched somebody!”
Wei Wuxian freezes, staring at the older twin. “What? Lan Zhan?”
“Yeah! Li-yi was telling A-Niang!” Wei Min agrees from Wei Wuxian’s lap. “He hadta stay longer at school.”
“You’re lying." Wei Wuxian shakes his head. Lan Wangji would never get into a fight! He’s never seen him lose control over anything!
Wei Wuxian adjusts Wei Min in his lap and pulls Wei Rui in his arms as he checks his phone. He sees now that he has…over a hundred notifications from Instagram, four texts from Huaisang, two missed calls from Xichen-ge, and…twelve missed calls from Jin Zixuan.
Well, if Lan Xichen called him, that surely meant…
Remembering the one time Xichen-ge called him at 3 AM while high, Wei Wuxian tries to calm himself down. There’s no way…
“A-Ying! I got the video!” Cangse Sanren barges into Wei Wuxian’s room, completely forgetting she’s supposed to be angry with him.
“What? You can’t be—” Wei Wuxian’s words get stuck in his throat as he sees what’s displayed on the phone currently being shoved into his face.
The video very clearly displays a man unknown to Wei Wuxian arguing with Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian snatches the phone and holds it at a proper distance, Cangse Sanren peeking at the video from behind. Wei Min and Wei Rui both pull down at Wei Wuxian’s wrists in an attempt to get a better look.
The people in the video are the type Wei Wuxian knows and despises: rich shmucks who act like they’re better than everyone else. They were common at their school, despite it being made for gifted students. Their rich parents could get even a rock admitted with enough money.
The man starts provoking Lan Wangji, and he apparently says something so shocking that the crowd starts jeering. Even with the volume turned up, the quality of the video is so bad that he can’t decipher anything.
However, there is one thing that anyone can decipher, and that’s the mean right hook Lan Wangji promptly gives the guy.
What the fuck?!