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It all started in the last year of middle school.
Shadow was always a little weird, and she knew it. She could never make friends like the other kids seemed to, her natural expressions apparently too “unwelcoming” for most of the brats at her school.
But even when so many students hated her, she did have a friend.
Even back then, back when they were still so young they barely knew what anything meant even as they were stuck in it every day, that girl knew how to play all of them. She was the best the school had ever seen, and she would flaunt herself like a prize before destroying any boy who dared challenge her on the mat.
She was the opposite of Shadow in every way.
When she was bright, Shadow was dark. When she was tall, Shadow was short. When she was beloved, Shadow was treated with an apathy only reserved for goths and stoners.
When she liked boys, Shadow liked girls.
Discovering your own sexuality can happen in many ways, and feel like many things. It can be a curse for some and a relief for others.
For Shadow? Well, it was mostly an annoyance. She didn't give a fuck about what others thought of her (that's what she told herself, crumpled on the floor with stomach cramps after she lost her best friend.) She was better than them, anyway.
No, what sucked was liking anyone like that at all.
And what really sucked was exactly who triggered it.
Blue quills that always stank of deodorant and sweat, nothing unique about them but that color and shine that wouldn’t get out of her head.
The goddamn traitor.
The fucking bitch.
…
“Do you want to try?” Rouge whispered in her ear, her lips touching sensitive fur and sending a shot up Shadow's spine.
“Rouge! I don't like you like that!” Shadow yelped, her eyes snapping wide. She had been lying on her bed with Rouge, enjoying a chill Sunday as Rouge talked about some ‘straight’ girl who had tried to sleep with her behind her boyfriend's back. Somehow, Rouge had managed to turn the conversation towards Shadow’s love life–or lack thereof–before the striped hedgehog could tell her to shut up.
Rouge pulled away slightly, tilting her head, “oh, sweety. I'm just suggesting we have some fun and experiment. Maybe you just need some experience to get over this oh so secret crush of yours.”
Shadow blushed, “I don't have a secret crush. That's stupid.”
The smile that spawned on Rouge’s face was devious and she slowly leaned back in, her breath brushing Shadow's lips, “if that's the case… there's no harm in a kiss, huh?”
Shadow turned her head away, trying to ignore the way her heart was racing, “Rouge, this isn’t funny.”
Rouge pulled away, sighing dramatically. “I’m not making fun of you, Shadow. You need to learn to unwind. How long have we known each other?”
“... Since we were freshmen.”
“Exactly! Since the beginning of high school I’ve known you, and the whole time you’ve treated it like a chore when you should be having fun! This is our last year, you gotta learn to have some fun before there start to be consequences!”
“There are consequences, Rouge.”
“With that attitude, there sure are! What’s wrong?”
Shadow shrugged. “I just don’t want to, is that so hard to believe.”
Rouge chuckled. “When a nice girl who has looks like mine offers? Sure it is. Unless you’re not a boob girl, maybe you’re more into flat girls? C’mon, we’ve known each other long enough, give me something. Maybe I have an ex you’d be into.”
Shadow rolled her eyes, “I don’t have a secret crush, and I don’t have a type. I’m not into anybody, and I especially don’t want any of your leftovers.”
Rouge gasped. “Leftovers? I’ll have you know that they are mostly perfectly sweet women, and you’d be lucky to be with any of them.”
“Oh right then. What about I shag up with that Knuckles girl you told me about? Maybe she’s my type.”
Rouge grabbed a pillow and threw it over her face. “Oh, shut up. I know you’ve hated Knuckles ever since she laughed while drinking gatorade and sprayed it all over your shirt while we were at the fairgrounds.”
Shadow threw the pillow back at Rouge. “Yeah, because it was a stupid joke.”
Rouge caught the pillow, holding it up contemplatively. “That said, Knuckles is on the school wrestling team, isn’t she? Now that might be a bit closer. Maybe you’re into hedgehogs, how about that Amy girl? She’s a bit young, but I can see the vision.”
“I don’t like that pink hedgehog.”
“That’s a shame, she’d look good with you. Perhaps instead of a pink hedgehog… a blue hedgehog?”
“Gah! Even if I had a crush, it wouldn’t be on that bitch!” Shadow grabbed the pillow back, attempting to hide her face. She knew she was blushing now. She could almost feel the smirk that Rouge must be sporting.
“I took statistics, Shadow, and I’m afraid to say that’s just not what the numbers tell me.”
“I was in that fucking class too, and statistics does not cover anything like this!”
Rouge tutted slightly, clicking her tongue. “So, do tell me why, instead of meeting in our normal place and walking home together, I found you last night by the gymnasium a good thirty minutes after your class gets out.”
Shadow blushed, her mouth already open to retort.
“Girl, face it, you’re down bad.” Rouge said, grabbing the pillow and tossing it off of the bed before throwing an arm across Shadow’s shoulders.
Shadow made a valiant effort to shrug the bat off, but the taller girl just gave her a squeeze and her signature devilish smirk.
“Oh, you are not getting out of this one.”
Shadow relented, trying not to sink back into the comfortable warmth of her friend. She might accept her fate of closeness but she would not let Rouge know she liked it.
“I am not, and I quote, ‘down bad.’”
“Girl, you’re lying to yourself. I know you don’t give a fuck about sports, I know the game you’re playing.”
Shadow blushed. “Just because you only go to the gym to ogle muscular girls you like doesn’t mean that’s the only reason other people go.”
The bat giggled. “Oh, girl, you’re so easy to read.”
“Rouge, I can't like her. She's horrible.”
Rouge sighed, letting the mirth fall from her face to be replaced by a serious expression. “You have to tell her. This has been eating you up inside for far too long.”
“But what if she says no?”
Rouge shrugged, “she very well might, but what if she says yes?”
Shadow snorted. “She won't.”
Rouge frowned, leaning forward on the bed and holding Shadow’s face. “Shadow, you need this closure. I'll be here for you no matter what, but I can see this isn't good for you.”
…
They practiced on mats in the school gymnasium. Every school night and weekend.
Overall, the school was underfunded. Any student would tell you that. Everything from the books, to the toilet paper, to the teachers were cheap. Their school had exactly one claim to fame, and that was the wrestling team.
Now, the men’s wrestling team was just a collection of losers who would douse themselves in Axe and then refuse to clean the mats after practice. They barely qualified for regionals, let alone states, but after the sport had taken off in middle school they had introduced the women’s wrestling team… and that’s when things had really taken off.
Shadow had competed in middle school, but after she came out she didn’t compete anymore. The girls had been cruel back then, and they still were. They had made countless comments about her, using wrestling as a way to get close to girls and touch them.
They made her out to be a creep when she was just a middle schooler, just like them.
Even after all of that, Shadow still kept an eye on the team. When they met, how they did, who they went up against. If she thought no one would notice, she might even go to a match or two. Nothing major.
Part of it was because she missed the sport, and she would never admit it, but Rouge was right. The other part was because she wanted to see Sonic.
She needed to put an end to this. She needed to put an end to this once and for all.
Her heart was already shattered, why not hit it one last time?
…
They were half an hour into some stupid English class, and two seats ahead Sonic raised her hand.
The professor shot her a look, raising his eyebrow. He was an old woodchuck.
“Sir, may I use the bathroom? It's that time of the month.” Sonic's voice was so clear, respectful but not masking her smile.
The woodchuck made a face, “yes! Yes of course, take all of the time you need.”
Sonic slipped out of her seat and headed to the door.
Not even five seconds later, Shadow raised her hand.
…
The bathroom smelled like some mango vape mixed with cookies and cream.
All the stalls were open but the disability stall at the far end, and wet, sticky noises and the low hums of some football player gave away exactly what Sonic was doing in there.
It should have repulsed Shadow, but she couldn't help but think of doing that with Sonic.
“Hey, fuckers! Stop making that racket, will you?” Shadow tried the indirect approach.
There was, of course, no response.
With all of the care of a bull in a china shop, she kicked the stall door so hard that the lock made a horrible clang and flew off.
This time, the reaction was instant.
There was a yelp as the door swung in, hitting somebody, then there was a low grunt and the sound of shuffling, then the door flew open and Sonic stumbled out followed by some stupid wolf with a look somewhere between annoyance and something else on her face. She was fixing her quills and shirt.
Shadow gave Sonic a hard look, “get rid of your fucking plaything, we need to talk.”
The wolf bristled. “What the fuck did you just call me, little lady? I ain’t no-”
Sonic cut him off. “You heard her, it sounds like us girls need to talk. I’ll take care of this.”
He shot Sonic a disbelieving look. “You don’t tell me what to do you-”
“I’ll tell Knuckles.”
The wolf actually blanched at that, and finally Sonic and Shadow were alone in the bathroom that stank of nicotine candy and bodily fluids.
Shadow took a deep breath. “Sonic, I need to tell you something-”
“Who are you again?”
Shadow could feel her ears pin back and her nose wrinkle. “Oh fuck you! I was your best fucking friend, and now you're pretending you don't even know me?”
Sonic wouldn't meet her eyes, “I don't have time for this.”
“Really? You seemed to have plenty of time to let some guy treat you like candy.”
Sonic finally turned on her, eyes blazing, “no guy treats me like candy.”
“Right, what happened to your standards? The Sonic I knew wouldn’t be doing shit like that with any old stupid wolf”
“It’s been years, Shadow. You don’t know me anymore, and I sure as hell don’t know you. If all you came here to do was judge me, I’m going back to class.” Sonic turned to leave, not even meeting Shadow’s eyes.
Shadow could feel the tears gathering. After this, she could just skip the rest of the day and never have to think about Sonic again. She had to finish this. “ God, you're a fucking asshole, Sonic. You're a bastard and a traitor who left me in the dirt for your new friends when I didn’t fit in anymore, but I can't help but think about your lips and how beautiful you are and what we used to have. I fucking loved you and I wish I loved anyone else but I still love you and you’re all I want or can think about.”
Sonic froze, her back still turned to Shadow.
“I may be a jock, but I’m not fucking gay.”
And then she walked out of the room, and Shadow was alone.
…
Sonic was mad.
She hadn’t talked to Shadow in years, and the bitch thinks she can just come in, barge into the middle of something, and tell her she loves her? What kind of shit is that?
When had they last talked? Middle school? Yeah, they were both different people now, and there was no way Shadow even knew her anymore. She didn’t know what Sonic had to deal with, all she knew was that Sonic didn’t want to talk to her and look at what she did.
She fucking forces Sonic to.
Sonic didn’t know where she was walking, but before she knew it she was in the gymnasium locker room. Luckily it was empty right now, she didn’t need anyone to see her right now.
Not when she was crying.
Sonic sat down on one of the benches, looking down at her hands. God, part of her had missed Shadow so badly. All those years ago they had been friends, nearly inseparable, but they were just kids. It hadn’t meant anything, especially not when Shadow had ruined everything.
Shadow had said it in practice, in front of all of the girls and judges. She had looked nervous, and she had grabbed Sonic’s hand and said she had something she needed to say.
She liked girls, and she wanted everyone to know that she wasn’t afraid to say it anymore.
Sometimes kids get stupid ideas in their heads, they think if they’re just brave or honest everything would be ok. That’s what Sonic imagined it must have been, childish foolishness leading the young hedgehog to think that she would be ok after something like that.
It wasn’t ok.
The adults were fine, they just rolled their eyes. None of them really believed her.
But the other students? They refused to work with Shadow. They refused to train with her or even walk near her.
They also refused to work with her best friend.
Apparently, being friends with the school dyke meant you were also a dyke, how about that? Kids were cruel and Sonic was aware it was fucked up, it shouldn’t be like this and there was no reason for the other students to treat them like this.
But it was also Shadow’s fault.
Shadow should have been smarter. She put them in danger when she said that without thinking, like the world would just accept her.
Like it would just accept them.
So Sonic abandoned her. Sonic would get to continue her dream and work with her team and win awards all through high school.
And Shadow would move on, that’s what she thought at least. She saw her around, continuing her classes and ignoring Sonic just like they had never been friends. She even saw her make a friend with that queer bat girl.
She missed Shadow, but this was what she deserved. This was what was best for both of them.
God.
Shadow was right.
Sonic was a fucking bastard, wasn’t she?
…
Shadow hadn’t let herself cry in years, not since her sister had died and left her alone to walk into middle school, but now the floodgates had forced themselves open and here she was, weeping on the disgusting bathroom floor where anyone could walk in.
The really horrible part though? Even after all of these years, even after that final rejection, she still couldn’t stop thinking about Sonic.
When she walked in she had been making out with that stupid wolf, that should have been Shadow.
God, she would never feel Sonic’s mouth on hers. She’d never feel that closeness she had always dreamed of. There was something so beautiful about Sonic, even after everything, and now Shadow would really never get to feel it.
She could feel her hand hovering traitorously above her mound. Shadow imagined what it would be like to be that wolf, making out with Sonic in the bathroom. She knew just how strong those slender arms could be. Sonic would ping her against the side of the stall, and her teeth would graze her ear while she trailed wet kisses down the side of her face.
Shadow gasped, and pulled herself up. She rushed into one of the stalls, closing the door before sinking down onto the closed seat.
She pulled down her baggy pants, and next her boxers. They were fucking soaked, even as tears streamed down her face, that hedgehog still turned her on.
It was so fucking unfair.
Shadow gasped, letting her traitorous hand settle over her mound. One finger followed the line of her labia, sinking in where the wet heat seemed to welcome it.
Sonic’s nails were always trimmed short, perfect for this. They would reach down, wetting themselves in Shadow’s own slick before trailing back up to rub over her swollen clit.
Shadow squeezed her eyes shut as her own finger followed the motions that she imagined as Sonic’s, rubbing slowly over her clit before trailing down to stroke at her entrance. She had done this before, but never with her emotions so high.
Never in a school bathroom, where anyone could hear.
But none of that mattered, right now she needed this. She needed to feel her walls clench around a hand that could be someone else’s.
Her second hand was quick to follow, collecting the slick that had long soaked into her fur and traveling back up to her clit while her other hand stroked her insides. She knew that Sonic would take her time, let her wait for it as her legs shook, but right now she needed completion. She needed to feel that rush that would make everything better.
She didn’t hear the door open as her legs shook and a choked name left her throat.
“Oh, Sonic.”
“Shadow?”
Shadow’s eyes shot open, her hands pulling away from her mound with a wet sound.
In front of her stood a blue hedgehog, her cheeks wet and her eyes red with tears. Shadow must not have closed locked the stall door, she had stupidly forgotten, and now Sonic had seen her fucking fingering herself with her name on her lips mere moments after she turned her down in the worst way possible.
Shadow jumped up, pulling her pants up before holding her hands out defensively. “Go away!”
Sonic raised her own hands, her eyes lingering on where Shadow’s fingers were still soaked with her own slick.
“Woah, I’m sorry. I just wanted to apologize.”
“Sure you did, now go away!” Shadow could feel her eyes moisten again, tears falling anew.
“Shadow-”
Shadow didn’t listen, instead she balled up her hand into a fist and tried to punch Sonic. If she could just get the blue hedgehog out of her way, she could make a run for it and go home, maybe get a bus ticket to another state and start a new life where she wouldn’t be as stupid or pathetic.
Sonic was fast though, and she caught Shadow’s hand. Her other hand rushing to meet the other before Shadow could even wind up her second punch.
“Shadow! I’m sorry, you have every right to punch me right now but I just need you to know I’m sorry! I think I love you too.”
Shadow gritted her teeth, ready to yank her soiled hand out of Sonic’s grasp and really clock her in the skull, but then red eyes finally met green.
Sonic was crying. She was crying and it didn’t look fake.
For a long moment, they just stared into each others eyes and breathed.
Finally, Shadow broke the silence. “Ok.”
“I’ll hear you out Sonic, one last time.”
Sonic pulled her hand away shakily, nodding. She looked down for a moment, before raising her hand and licking Shadow’s slick off of her finger.
“It’s salty.”
Shadow grimaced. “Do you want to talk, or not?”
Sonic seemed to snap out of her gross revelation. “Yes! Yes, sorry. Let's just uh… go somewhere a bit more isolated.”
…
Shadow had never imagined that confessing would end like this. She always knew her blurted feelings would end in rejection, and earlier it had been confirmed when Sonic's face twisted and she left Shadow, sad and wet in the bathroom.
But then she came back, and now here Shadow was. Climbing into her crush’s, and if things worked out her girlfriend’s, car in the middle of the school day and letting the hedgehog drive to wherever she wanted. Hell, she had shakily put her hand on Shadow’s thigh and hadn’t taken it off since she started driving.
She had considered that maybe this was a trap. Maybe Sonic did hate her, and she was bringing her to a second location so she could murder her and dump the body.
Right now Shadow didn’t care, though. After looking into Sonic’s eyes, she knew she would always follow her to the ends of the earth, even if it killed her in the end.
Sonic finally pulled into a small church parking lot, and finally those blazing green eyes turned to Shadow.
That's when the dark hedgehog noticed it.
The blue hedgehog could barely meet her eyes, and the hand on her thigh was stiff and still.
She was nervous.
She was scared.
Shadow couldn't help but let a small smile break through.
Maybe she wasn’t the only one that had been suffering
“Earlier, you said you weren't gay. That wasn’t true, was it?”
Sonic blushed, her grip on Shadow’s thigh tightening slightly, “I… I haven't let myself feel it before.”
Something in Shadow's heart twinged. ”Well, I have… I’ve felt it every day for years, and I don’t think I could ever stop” she said quietly, lidding her eyes and gently lifting her hand to put over Sonic's.
Shadow let herself lean over, slowly closing the gap between them.
Sonic just let out a shaky breath. “I think I want to feel it, too.”
Shadow could feel Sonic freeze under her as she climbed across the stupid center console that dared to separate them. She placed a hand on Sonic's cheek, the other reaching down to the old lever she knew would be there as she straddled the other hedgehog.
Sonic gasped as Shadow sent her seat falling back, her mouth open for just long enough for Shadow to grab her jaw and smash their lips together like her life depended on it.
Shadow gasped. It was everything she had dreamed of. Sonic below her, her hot mouth clashing with hers as she drove forward into the kiss.
Shadow squeaked into the kiss when a hand made contact with her side, brushing down slowly over her hip. Sonic's other hand landed on her chest, rubbing over her clothes in a way that made her nipples harden.
“Oh my god.” Shadow gasped between heated kisses, ”You might not have ever done this with a girl before but–huh–you’re a natural.”
Sonic let herself snicker lightly. “I could say the same to you, you’re a virgin, aren’t you.”
Shadow blushed, and swatted Sonic’s face lightly. “Shut up.”
“With pleasure.”
Sonic unbuckled her seatbelt, scooting down and lifting Shadow up until her face was level with Shadow’s crotch. Shadow looked down in surprise, her blood rushing down so fast it made her head feel light.
The position couldn’t be comfortable, but Sonic was blushing. She met Shadow’s eyes as she pulled her pants down with a simple gesture.
“I’ve always wanted to do this.” Sonic said, before diving in.
Shadow gasped as a warm tongue lapped at the top of her mound, above where she really wanted it but teasing her so warmly that she hardly cared. She always knew that Sonic would be a tease, so having it proven was wonderful.
Sonic’s mouth roamed lower, suckling on her labia minora and licking at every crevasse she could find like Shadow was the sweetest thing she had ever tasted.
Shadow couldn’t hold in her moans when Sonic finally began to tease at her clit.
Years of resentment and pain, washed away by tears and slick.
It was stupid, but Shadow wasn’t complaining. Not when this was everything she had ever wanted.
She came with Sonic’s name on her lips, and when she returned the favor Sonic came with hers.
..
Shadow laid on top of Sonic in that old car, letting her breathing calm down for a moment.
She still needed to be sure.
“Why did you stop being my friend?”
“I was scared.”
Shadow snorted “what? You were scared I’d turn you gay or something?”
Sonic blushed, her hand tightening on Shadow’s.
“Seriously?”
“No! No… I was scared because I thought I might like you, and if you liked me back… Yeah, I was basically scared you’d turn me gay. I was stupid. I’m sorry I hurt you. Nothing will ever make that ok”
Shadow looked at her hand in Sonic’s, and a small smile formed on her face.
“Just never do it again, and we’ll be ok.”