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Part 1 of Where Old Dogs Die (I love family fluff)
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2025-12-29
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2026-05-28
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15/?
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Where the Old Dogs Die: The Silver Dog

Chapter 15

Notes:

The more I edited the chapter, the longer it got, hahaha, so I left it as it was in the last revision or, at this rate, we would have more than 12,000 words.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“What have you been doing these past few days?”

Kakashi barely glanced up from his book toward the boy standing in front of him, observing him lazily over the edge of the pages. “Mhm?”

He looked at the insolent child standing before him. Sasuke stared back with a frown, his arms resting at his hips and his posture firm, as though he were trying to look more like an adult instead of the barely thirteen-year-old boy he was supposed to be.

“Where have you been?” Sasuke demanded again. The boy was completely dirty and exhausted, yet somehow still seemed to have enough energy left to interrogate him. Sometimes Kakashi was still surprised by the kid’s insolence whenever he spoke to him. Though it was obvious he would act that way considering Sasuke had never really had adults in his life who kept him under control in the first place.

“Maa…” he replied after a few seconds. “What an aggressive way to start a conversation with your old sensei.”

Sasuke did not look impressed.

They were in the training fields of the compound, beneath the uneven shade of tall trees while Naruto attempted—and failed miserably—to walk across a tree trunk without making any noise whatsoever while being consecutively attacked by his own clones, whose task was to make him fail by any means necessary. Stealth and chakra control were an important part of being a shinobi, and Naruto still lacked far too much of both, so Kakashi had instructed him to practice that alongside the Hatake clan katas he had taught all three children a few days earlier.

Needless to say, the boy’s clones seemed to be doing an excellent job at making him fail every single time, judging by how many times Kakashi had watched Naruto fall, scream in frustration, and start over again. Though if he managed to get past that, Kakashi planned to make it even harder by forcing him to hide while actively being attacked.

Further away, Sakura dodged the attacks of one of Kakashi’s earth clones, avoiding being hit as much as possible while counterattacking whenever she could, making use of the new katas Kakashi had taught her, because practicing them during every training session was mandatory.

The girl was weak in taijutsu and stamina, with rather average physical ability overall, so he needed to strengthen her in that area before training her at the same level as her teammates or the difference between them would become far too noticeable and might discourage her. So Kakashi had focused heavily on that by designing a training regimen centered around teaching her how to fight physically stronger opponents (and who better for that than himself?) while also making sure she wore weights on her wrists, ankles, and waist on Gai’s recommendation, who had insisted it was the best way to improve a child’s physical endurance.

Sasuke, on the other hand, struggled with endurance as well, so Kakashi had been forcing him into battles of attrition while preventing the boy from using as much chakra as possible, since Sasuke had a tendency to push himself beyond his limits. That made him effective in short fights, but poor in long ones because he wasted too much chakra during them. So Kakashi had begun wearing the boy down as much as possible through quick strikes, dirty attacks, disabling blows, and by intentionally frustrating him so he could also teach the child how to use his own emotions as weapons against an enemy. Every time Sasuke tried to accelerate the fight through excessive chakra use, Kakashi immediately knocked him down as if punishing the impulse itself rather than the mistake, which only made the boy’s frustration grow before he attempted to calm himself whenever he heard the older man mock him.

Now, however, Kakashi had noticed the boy’s looks all week. Small silent observations from the edge of training sessions. Tiny shifts in expression whenever Kakashi disappeared for hours or returned later than he had in previous weeks. Sasuke never asked immediately, of course. He rarely did. He preferred to observe first, gather information, and only confront afterward.

“Didn’t they teach you at the academy that interrogating your superiors is rude?” he asked while turning another page.

“You’re not answering me, Kakashi.”

He moved, pinning the boy to the ground in one swift motion. “If you have that much energy to talk, then why don’t we go back to training instead?”

Sasuke complained, struggling beneath him. “Let go of me, Kakashi! Ugh!” he hissed after receiving a hit to the head from the older man.

“I’m your sensei, Sasuke,” Kakashi reminded him. “Why do you keep trying to call me by my name like I’m not?”

“Just answer my question!” Sasuke demanded before being thrown away from him, quickly recovering his balance and dropping back into a fighting stance.

Ah, he was using that tone.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow slightly beneath his forehead protector. There was an important difference between Sasuke being insolent just because he could and Sasuke using that specific voice. The boy was worried.

Finally closing his book with a small sigh, Kakashi studied him more carefully. Sasuke maintained a firm posture, trying to look composed, but Kakashi could still see the small cracks underneath. The excessive rigidity in his shoulders. The way he held his gaze fixed as if expecting an unpleasant answer.

Mhm, of course.

It made sense for Sasuke to worry considering Kakashi had started disappearing without explanation during parts of the day. Sometimes he returned smelling faintly of medicine or dried blood, and other times looking more tired than usual. And considering Sasuke’s history with traumatic loss… Yes, honestly, Kakashi probably would have been suspicious too.

“I’m busy,” he finally answered before lunging at the boy again. “You’re using the wrong katas,” he noted. “I told you to use the Hatake clan ones for now, just like your teammates.”

Sasuke adjusted his stance, defending himself when Kakashi attacked again. “That doesn’t answer my question.” He jumped backward before charging the older man once more.

“It answers enough, in my opinion.”

“No.” Sasuke frowned harder. “You just disappear.”

“Do you miss me when I’m not around?” Kakashi asked with a smile, teasing him a little.

“No,” Sasuke answered immediately and far too quickly.

Kakashi felt tired amusement settle behind his mask. What a transparent child sometimes. “Then I don’t see the problem.”

Sasuke made a small irritated sound through his nose. “The problem is that you’re our sensei and you’ve been acting weirder than usual.”

Kakashi took the liberty of observing the boy more carefully than before, noticing how he remained standing in front of him in a defensive stance, breathing just slightly faster from training, dust clinging to his clothes and small streaks of sweat sliding down his temple. He was still growing. Sometimes Kakashi forgot that because of the way Sasuke constantly forced himself to act like something older and more dangerous than what he actually was.

Thirteen years old was still far too young to be carrying everything Sasuke carried on his shoulders.

“Maa…” Kakashi tilted his head slightly. “That sounds like you’re insulting me.”

“Yes.”

How insolent.

Kakashi almost smiled behind the mask as he slowly stood up from the ground again. In a way, he liked it when his students were insolent with him because it meant they trusted him enough to act like what they were: growing teenagers.

The wind lightly stirred the leaves above them and, in the distance, Naruto fell out of the tree again after one of his clones deliberately kicked his hands away.

“THAT DOESN’T COUNT!” Naruto shouted indignantly from the ground.

“THAT WAS YOUR FAULT FOR BEING SLOW!” one of the clones immediately shouted back.

“AH, GO TO HELL, TRAITOR!”

Meanwhile, Sakura barely managed to dodge one of the earth clone’s punches before taking another hit to the shoulder that made her stumble backward. Kakashi automatically noticed how she adjusted the weight in her legs afterward. Hm. She was doing much better than she had three days ago.

He turned his attention back to Sasuke.

The boy was still staring at him far too intently.

Kakashi let out a small sigh. Honestly, he still wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that. His students trusted him far faster than he had expected and that still felt slightly uncomfortable, which in itself contradicted the faint sense of pride he felt whenever he noticed that trust being placed in him. Still, he admitted the feeling wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but it was strange. Like wearing clothes that still didn’t quite fit right, especially because Kakashi had never been particularly good with stable bonds. The important people in his life had a troubling tendency to die.

And yet… His gaze briefly shifted toward Naruto wrestling with his clones and Sakura trying to recover her footing after another hit. And yet, every time he disappeared for a few hours to check on the masked idiot hidden away in one of the empty houses of the compound, part of him remained constantly aware of these three.

It was ridiculous, honestly, the amount of worry that overtook him every time the children were out of sight.

“Mhm.” Kakashi finally tucked the book into his vest. “I’m taking care of someone.”

Sasuke blinked, looking a little surprised, as if he hadn’t expected a real answer. Kakashi noticed immediately because the boy lost part of that aggressive tension for a second before quickly recovering and frowning again like he wanted to regain ground.

“Who?”

“You’ve gotten awfully curious.”

"Is that person dangerous?"

Sasuke didn’t even seem to realize he had asked the right question. He didn’t particularly care where Kakashi was going exactly, and that was a little sad, though also a good thing in its own way. What the dark-haired boy wanted to know was whether this represented a threat to the team and to him, which clearly meant Sasuke had grown attached to them and that would be useful in the future in case he ever had ideas about defecting again. Emotional attachment to teammates could easily be used as a weapon.

“He’s dangerous.” Sasuke confirmed when Kakashi didn’t answer.

Kakashi felt an uncomfortable pressure settle briefly behind his ribs. Because yes. Technically, Tobi was dangerous. He knew that even though the man had spent the last week acting like the most irritating and idiotic human being on the face of the earth while recovering from his injuries. There were too many wrong things about him to ignore. The strange chakra. The unnatural way he healed. The fact that sometimes he completely disappeared from a room for several seconds before casually reappearing behind him as though nothing had happened. And then there was Akatsuki.

Kakashi still hadn’t decided exactly what to do with all of that information.

“Yes,” he answered honestly in the end. Sasuke stiffened slightly at the confirmation, shrinking in on himself just a little. “But,” Kakashi continued before the boy could speak, “he’s also too injured to do anything stupid for now.”

“For now,” Sasuke repeated slowly.

“Mm.”

The boy stayed quiet for a few seconds and Kakashi could practically see him thinking. Sasuke analyzed information the same way he fought: searching for patterns, weak points, and empty spaces. It was a dangerously useful habit for someone so young, which was why it was always better to keep an eye on him as that tendency grew stronger.

“Is he a shinobi?”

“Probably.”

“From another village?”

Kakashi glanced toward the clouds overhead after catching the faint scent of moisture in the air. It would probably rain soon. “Not sure.”

“Is he a missing-nin?”

He tilted his visible eye slightly toward him. “You’re asking too many questions.”

Sasuke frowned more deeply. “Why are you helping him?”

Kakashi felt something uncomfortable settle slowly inside his chest as he looked at the boy in front of him. “The shinobi world is annoying,” he answered honestly, exhaustion woven into his voice. “Sometimes you find injured people and you have to decide whether to kill them, interrogate them, or help them.”

“And you decided to help him?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s stupid.”

Kakashi let out a small laugh through his nose. “Maaa… Probably.”

Sasuke seemed even more irritated by that answer, obviously expecting absolute logic, clear rules, or calculated decisions because, unlike Kakashi, he still expected those things to work. And Kakashi… well, Kakashi had stopped fully believing in those things many years ago.

“I don’t understand it,” Sasuke admitted at last. “Why?”

Kakashi understood that.

At thirteen, he wouldn’t have understood a decision like that either. Child Kakashi would have considered it absurd to risk Konoha’s resources on a suspicious stranger. ANBU Kakashi probably would have interrogated him first and asked questions later, but then he had lived too long and lost too many people. And he had learned, in horrible and painfully slow ways, that the world was not always built on efficient decisions. Sometimes you simply saw someone bleeding and couldn’t leave them to die. Even if they were an unbearable weirdo with a horrible mask and deeply concerning tendencies.

“That’s fine,” he finally said. “You don’t need to understand it yet.” Sasuke looked like he wanted to argue again, but something stopped him. “Besides,” Kakashi added lazily, “you don’t need to worry. I’m here to protect you, remember? So you don’t have to be afraid.”

Sasuke clicked his tongue. “I’m not afraid." He attacked Kakashi again, defending himself when Kakashi struck back without an ounce of mercy. “Why did you tell me all of this? Wouldn’t it be better to keep it secret?”

Kakashi smiled at him. “Trust goes both ways,” he answered. “If you trust me enough to ask instead of simply finding out on your own, considering your personality, then shouldn’t I trust you enough to answer honestly too?”

Sasuke stopped moving for a few brief seconds before quickly moving again with noticeably more energy when Kakashi attacked him, barely dodging a punch aimed straight at his face. Normally that would have gone unnoticed, but Kakashi noticed it anyway because he had spent days constantly observing his students and learning those tiny invisible details that separated a calm child from one who was clearly motivated by something.

The boy’s frown didn’t really disappear, though it lost some of the defensive tension it had carried until then. As though part of him had expected Kakashi to dodge the conversation or simply lie to him. After all, trust was a complicated thing for shinobi, and it was even worse for children who had grown up learning that people could disappear at any moment. Kakashi knew that unpleasant feeling of constantly expecting loss far too well.

“Why help a stranger who could be dangerous?”

“You’re still thinking about that?” Kakashi asked with false lightness.

“Of course I am,” Sasuke replied immediately. “It’s stupid.”

Kakashi felt a small amused exhale slip through his nose as he settled back into a fighting stance in front of him. The wind continued blowing coolly now, a little colder than before, and behind them Naruto fell out of the tree again after one of his clones deliberately shoved him.

“STOP BETRAYING ME!” the blond yelled from the ground.

“YOU MADE US THIS WAY!” an offended clone shouted back.

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE BAD PEOPLE!”

Sakura let out a tired, “Oh my God…” while Kakashi’s earth clone took advantage of the distraction to sweep her legs and knock her off balance again. It looked like the clone had mocked her, because the girl immediately shouted: “THAT’S IT! I’M TIRED OF YOU MAKING FUN OF ME! NOW YOU’LL SEE WHY NARUTO AND SASUKE ARE AFRAID OF ME! SHANNARŌ!”

Kakashi watched the girl attack the clone furiously, her fist slamming into a tree hard enough to leave a small crack in the trunk. He felt a nervous drop of sweat slide down the back of his neck, especially when the clone immediately started backing away with its hands raised and a grin on its face.

Normal chaos, he supposed. Although he didn't understand why his clone was playing with the girl so much instead of continuing to train as usual. Perhaps he was simply giving Sakura a break before resuming training? That was most likely the case.

Kakashi turned his attention back to Sasuke. “Are you afraid of Sakura?” he teased.

The boy’s eyebrow twitched. “No,” he defended himself quickly. Then, belatedly, he added, “Though she hits hard when she’s angry.”

Sakura had hit Sasuke? When had that happened?

“She hit you?”

“That’s none of your business.” Sasuke frowned more deeply. “So why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Help that stranger.”

Instead of answering, Kakashi raised a hand and smacked the boy on the head just hard enough to irritate him.

“Ugh!” Sasuke stepped back, annoyed. “WHY DO YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME?!”

“Because you ask too many questions for someone who still loses his balance every time he turns left after I attack from a certain angle.”

“That has nothing to do with it!" 

“Everything is connected,” Kakashi replied with complete calm.

Sasuke looked at him like he wanted to murder him, which was honestly pretty entertaining to Kakashi, who greatly enjoyed irritating people, especially when those people happened to be his own students.

He watched as the boy automatically adjusted his stance, preparing once more to continue the fight. He had improved far faster than Kakashi had expected, though that was to be expected considering Sasuke learned with almost exasperating efficiency once he stopped compensating with pride and excessive chakra. Even so, that remained the main problem. The boy pushed himself too hard because he believed, deep down, that stopping was tantamount to losing something important. Kakashi knew that feeling all too well.

“Listen,” he finally said as he attacked again from the front. This time Sasuke blocked properly using the Hatake kata before trying to respond with a low kick. Much better. “Not every shinobi decision is clean.”

Sasuke tried to create distance. Kakashi didn’t allow it. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Kakashi swept his legs out from under him again with a quick strike, “that sometimes you do things knowing perfectly well they could go wrong.”

Sasuke rolled across the ground before getting back up with an increasingly irritated expression. “That makes no sense.”

“Doesn’t it?” Kakashi almost smiled again.

What an exhausting child.

“When you’re young, Sasuke,” he began while dodging another attack from the boy, “you think there’s always a correct answer.”

Sasuke stared at him.

Kakashi continued before thinking too much about it. “You think that if you’re strong enough, smart enough, or careful enough, then you’ll always be able to make the best decision.” He redirected the boy’s next strike with ease. “But later…” His voice lowered slightly. “Later you realize the shinobi world doesn’t work like that.”

Sasuke kept attacking him, but now he was looking at him differently. Kakashi hated it a little when children listened to him too seriously. Because then he remembered that, unfortunately, he actually was responsible for shaping part of how they would grow up and that was a fairly terrifying thought.

“Then what do you do?” Sasuke finally asked.

Kakashi made him stumble again before answering. “You improvise.”

“Damn it, Kakashi! Stop throwing me on the ground!" Sasuke shouted angrily.

“I’m your sensei, Sasuke,” Kakashi reminded him kindly while punching him in the stomach. “When are you going to learn to speak to me respectfully?”

Sasuke cursed in pain, clutching his stomach. Kakashi thought maybe he had hit him a little too hard. The pain in his jaw seconds later from the headbutt Sasuke gave him informed him that, on the contrary, perhaps he was being too soft with the child.

He caught Sasuke’s offended expression for barely a second before the boy lunged at him again with far more aggression than before.

Ah, Sasuke was frustrated again.

Good.

Kakashi blocked the next strike using only one hand and deflected the low kick that followed immediately after. Sasuke was letting anger accelerate his movements too much again. There was more force and speed now, but far less precision. That was exactly the problem Kakashi had spent days trying to tear out of him.

“Your shoulders,” he commented while stopping another attack. “Too tense again.”

“Shut up.”

“How rude,” Kakashi replied calmly before sweeping his legs out from under him again.

Sasuke hit the ground with an irritated grunt and rolled away just enough to avoid the next strike Kakashi deliberately aimed slowly at where his head would have been.

“Faster,” Kakashi ordered.

Sasuke immediately got back up.

The boy was breathing hard now, sweat sliding down his neck. His chakra was fluctuating too quickly beneath his skin. Kakashi could see it clearly even without the Sharingan. Sasuke always started wasting energy when he got frustrated because he tried to dominate the fight immediately instead of controlling it.

Mentally, the boy still fought like someone desperate to finish everything before losing something.

“Stop trying to win,” Kakashi advised.

Sasuke stopped. “What?”

“You’re obsessed with ending things quickly.” Kakashi attacked again and Sasuke blocked too late, taking the full impact of a punch straight to the nose. “That’s why you keep losing the rhythm.”

Sasuke touched his nose to check for blood before throwing himself back into the attack. “That makes no sense.”

“Maaa… of course it does.” Kakashi struck twice in a row. Sasuke managed to stop one. The second hit landed directly against his shoulder, making him hiss in pain. “In a long fight, the one who controls the rhythm wins before the strongest one does.”

Sasuke stepped back slightly, rubbing his arm. Kakashi immediately noticed how the boy tried to hide the pain.

There was another problem.

“Don’t hide openings,” he advised again. “A competent enemy will see them anyway.”

Sasuke clicked his tongue irritably.

“Besides,” Kakashi added lazily, “if you keep tensing your left shoulder like that, I’m eventually going to dislocate it. Maybe I should tie wooden sticks to your arms so you’ll learn.”

That made Sasuke correct his posture automatically.

A few meters away, Naruto fell out of the tree again after one of his clones literally jumped on top of him from above. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” Naruto yelled from the ground.

“BECAUSE KAKASHI-SENSEI SAID THE ENEMY WOULDN’T FIGHT FAIR!” the clone shot back immediately.

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME!”

“WE ARE HELPING!” another clone shouted.

And then yet another clone appeared from a higher branch and threw a pinecone directly at his head. Naruto let out an outraged yell before launching himself at one of his clones, immediately devolving into a fight. Kakashi was honestly beginning to suspect the boy’s clones enjoyed making the original suffer far too much.

Meanwhile, Sakura had stopped attacking the earth clone impulsively and was finally beginning to read its movements more carefully. Kakashi noticed the way she stepped back early to avoid a strike she would have previously tried to block head-on. Good decision. Sakura’s problem had never been intelligence or chakra control; it was that she still doubted herself too much in real combat, and compensated for that by panicking whenever someone physically pressured her. That was why Kakashi kept forcing her to fight opponents stronger than herself.

She needed to learn that she could survive, even at a disadvantage.

Kakashi’s clone threw another punch. This time Sakura dodged it properly before counterattacking with the Hatake kata Kakashi had taught her, twisting her body just enough to throw her full weight behind the blow. That was much better.

Kakashi watched for only a moment before turning his attention back toward Sasuke just in time to block a punch aimed at his nose.

“Nicely done,” he commented.

Sasuke tried to use the block as leverage to spin and kick at his ribs. Kakashi let him do it. The kick connected partially, though it barely hurt by his standards. Sasuke lost his balance exactly the way Kakashi had known he would.

The jōnin caught him by the arm before he could fall face-first into the ground. “Same mistake,” he said, holding him still for only a second. “Again.”

Sasuke struggled irritably. "Which one?"

“You commit too hard to the second attack.”

“It should’ve worked,” the dark-haired boy argued.

"And that's the problem," Kakashi said, releasing his arm and tapping him lightly on the forehead with the book. "You stop thinking about how to attack after your first success. You get too confident, and that's what will make you lose."

Sasuke pressed his lips together, emitting a sound of irritation.

Kakashi continued before he could argue. “An enemy doesn’t stand still just because you managed to hit them once.”

“I know that.”

“No,” Kakashi replied immediately. “You understand it in theory. Your body clearly doesn’t yet.”

Sasuke said nothing, and Kakashi used the silence to observe him more closely. The boy was tired. His movements were still precise, but now there were pauses between the transitions. That was where Sasuke began to falter: when the fight dragged on so long that his pride stopped sustaining him, and that was precisely what he, as his teacher, was trying to correct immediately before their next mission outside the village.

“Five laps around the field,” he ordered. He was going to supervise Naruto for a bit and then rest for a while.

Sasuke stared at him in horror. “Now?”

“Did you hear a different instruction?”

“We’ve already been training for hours.”

“And you’re still wasting chakra like an idiot after I explicitly told you not to.”

“…”

“Ten laps.”

“What?!”

“Do you want to keep negotiating?” Kakashi asked kindly.

Sasuke genuinely looked torn between obeying or attempting to murder him. Eventually, he chose the correct option, albeit with extreme reluctance.

Kakashi watched him start running laps around the field with tired satisfaction. Good. The boy needed endurance more than anything else right now. A lot of Sasuke’s obsession with ending fights quickly came simply from the fact that his body still couldn’t handle prolonged combat at the level he wanted, and that was dangerous, especially for someone as talented as him.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

Kakashi barely turned his head in time to see Naruto hanging upside down from a branch after failing again. Apparently, the clones had decided to immobilize him completely and were now cheering Sakura on like their own little fan club. It was honestly kind of cute. Though Sakura clearly didn’t think so, judging by the irritated looks she kept throwing at the clones.

“What happened this time, Naruto?”

“My clones are demons, dattebayo!” the boy complained.

“That sounds like a personal problem.”

“ONE OF THEM BIT ME!”

"That says a lot about you, even if you don't believe it," he said as he prepared to untie him.

“You can’t say that when you’re the sensei!” Naruto whined as Kakashi caught him before he hit the ground. “I still don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m not even making noise when I land on the tree anymore, but for some reason I can’t focus enough to dodge the clones at the same time.”

It wasn’t surprising that Naruto couldn’t focus on doing two things at once. Dodging attacks while staying silent was probably extremely difficult for him considering his personality. There was likely some kind of learning issue there, and Kakashi was going to have to adapt the training differently compared to the other two children.

He observed the boy for a few more seconds while Naruto continued complaining and throwing an indignant tantrum about the systematic betrayal of his own clones. Honestly, it was a little impressive. Kakashi wasn’t entirely sure how someone managed to turn basic stealth practice into a civil war against himself, but Naruto seemed determined to find out.

“Maaaa…” Kakashi didn’t know how to explain it. “Because you’re trying to do both things as if they were separate actions.”

Naruto blinked. “Huh?”

“The silence and the evasion.” Kakashi pointed at the tree with a lazy tilt of his head. “You think about hiding first and dodging second. That’s why you lose your rhythm every time someone attacks you.”

Naruto frowned immediately, clearly trying to process that. Kakashi could practically see the physical effort it was taking him to think.

“But I am dodging.”

“No,” Kakashi replied. “You’re reacting, not dodging. You’re supposed to anticipate movements, Naruto.”

That only made Naruto look more confused.

“When someone attacks you,” he began, walking toward the tree, “your body makes a lot of noise because you’re surprised every time.” He placed a hand on the trunk, signaling to one of Naruto’s clones that was about to attack him, “Listen.”

And then he vanished, and the clone crashed into the tree, confused. Naruto jumped slightly before quickly turning his head and looking around. Kakashi reappeared behind the boy a second later, barely brushing his head.

“Ah! How did you do that?” Naruto turned around indignantly.

“I didn’t react to the movement,” Kakashi explained calmly. “I moved first.”

Naruto still looked bewildered.

Riiight... He was probably explaining this terribly.

“Maa…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Think of it this way: when your clones attack you, you act like every hit is a surprise.”

“Because they are surprises!”

“That’s the problem.”

Naruto opened his mouth, probably to argue, but Kakashi raised a hand first.

“A shinobi doesn’t wait to see the attack,” he said while gesturing around them. “They read intent. Weight. Breathing. Sound.” His visible eye briefly drifted toward the clones still fighting each other near the tree. “You need to anticipate movement. I could do it easily because your clones literally announce every attack before moving, and you still react too late.”

One of the clones immediately looked offended. “Hey! I’m super stealthy!”

Kakashi decided to ignore that. “Get back up there,” he ordered simply.

Naruto made a tired face, but obeyed. This time he moved more slowly along the trunk while the clones repositioned themselves among the branches.

Kakashi watched attentively. Naruto was moving his body correctly at first, distributing chakra across the soles of his feet better than he had a few days ago, but he still tensed up too much the moment he anticipated an attack. His shoulders rose. His breathing became erratic. And then he made noise. A lot of people mistakenly assumed stealth meant moving slowly, but it didn’t. Stealth was about moving calmly, still fast, but without letting yourself be carried away by surprise because you had already observed enough to know what was going to happen.

“Your breathing, your posture… your gaze…” Kakashi said, listing things.

Naruto, trying to dodge a kick from one of his clones, lost his balance again. "What's wrong with them?!"

“You’re stiff, you need to relax. Being too tense often makes it difficult to move.”

One of the clones took advantage of Naruto’s distraction and launched itself at the original. Naruto screamed in horror as both of them crashed out of the tree in a tangle of punches and broken branches.

Kakashi watched them fall with absolute calm. "Ahh..." he murmured, sensing a familiar chakra approaching. "He definitely still needs to improve."

“I didn’t know you were so soft with kids.”

“Genma,” Kakashi greeted, shifting his gaze toward the man leaning against one of the trees. “What brings you here?”

“One of your dogs said you were looking for me,” Genma replied. “It’s my day off, so I came to see why.”

“I see...”

Kakashi had sent one of his ninken to look for Genma three days ago to arrange a talk. He’d thought the bastard would show up later, not now, considering he’d been busy with missions.

“I have a problem, and you’re partially responsible for me thinking about solving it with you,” Kakashi told him in a casual, unconcerned tone.

“Don’t think you’re going to manipulate me with words like that, Kakashi,” Genma warned.

Kakashi didn’t even bother pretending embarrassment at being caught using that kind of light manipulation. It was normal, after all. “One of my students showed interest in poisons.”

“The blond finally try eating something he shouldn’t?” Genma glanced toward the boy currently fighting his own clones.

“Sakura.”

Genma looked confused, glancing between the three children all doing completely different things as though trying to remember which one Sakura actually was. The senbon shifted slightly between his teeth. “The pink-haired one yelling at your clone?”

“That one.”

“Didn’t see that coming.”

Kakashi shrugged slightly. “She has a good memory, precise control, and enough patience not to accidentally kill someone yet.”

“That ‘yet’ doesn’t inspire confidence.”

“That’s why I looked for you,” Kakashi told him. “She heard about you, and now she really wants to learn about poisons.” He lied shamelessly.

Genma didn’t seem very convinced. “How’d she hear about me?”

“Kids hear things,” Kakashi said lazily. “Maybe Gai talked too much?”

Genma stared at him silently for a few seconds, chewing lightly on the senbon in his mouth. “Uh-huh.”

Kakashi held his gaze with complete calm, as though the mediocre lie had only been told for his own amusement. Beyond them, Naruto let out another outraged yell after falling from the tree again when one of his clones kicked his supporting leg. The impact kicked up dirt and dry leaves while the other clones immediately began mocking him.

“That doesn’t count, bastards! We’re supposed to be the same guy!” Naruto shouted.

“Then stop being so bad,” one of the clones replied before getting punched in the face by the original Naruto, making it disappear instantly.

Genma watched the scene for a moment. “Are they always this loud?”

“They’re relatively quiet today.”

“That’s horrifying.”

Kakashi made a distracted noise in response, shifting his attention toward Sakura. The girl had just successfully redirected the earth clone’s arm using her forearm instead of blocking directly, exactly the way he had been correcting her for days. The clone still managed to hit her shoulder, and Sakura hissed through her teeth before quickly retreating to regain distance.

She didn’t complain. That was new.

“She asked to learn about poisons,” Kakashi continued finally. “She thinks they’re interesting and figures that since she can’t fight the same way Naruto or Sasuke do, poisoning people would be useful.”

Genma stopped looking at the children and turned her attention back to her. "That's a little scary for a girl her age."

“Is it?” Kakashi tilted his head slightly while watching the girl celebrate after managing to land a third hit on the clone. She was supposed to get a break after landing three hits on it.

Genma pulled the senbon from between his teeth just enough to speak. “And you want me to teach poisons to a twelve-year-old brat?”

“She’s thirteen.” Kakashi corrected.

"It's the same shit, Kakashi." Genma scoffed.

“Tell her that to her face.” Kakashi challenged lazily. “Because she seems to think it’s a huge difference. Anyway, I want her learning from someone competent.”

“What a subtle way to insult half the village.”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

Genma snorted softly, leaning his shoulder back against the tree. His gaze drifted toward Sakura again as she tried to take down the clone using one of the sweeps Kakashi had shown her earlier. The clone dodged the movement and struck her legs, sending her onto her back in the dirt.

Sakura stayed there for a second, breathing hard as she tried to catch her breath.

Then she got back up.

“Persistent.” Genma commented.

“Too much so.” Kakashi replied with his usual laziness. The girl should have been resting, so why didn’t she want to? “She keeps trying to compensate for the physical gap by pushing herself harder than she should.”

“And that doesn’t worry you?”

Kakashi watched Sakura settle back into stance, even though her arms were already trembling slightly from exhaustion. “I’d be more worried if she stopped trying.”

Silence briefly settled between them, interrupted only by Naruto yelling because one of his clones had apparently started “emotionally sabotaging” him in addition to physically attacking him. Kakashi decided to ignore that. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

Genma slipped the senbon back between his teeth. “Does she even understand what poisons actually involve?”

“Probably not completely.”

“And you still want to drag her into that?”

Kakashi glanced toward him slightly. “She’s already started testing poisons on herself.” he commented distractedly. “Maybe Sakura will die soon if she doesn’t get proper guidance?”

“What the hell, man?!” Genma looked irritated, clearly realizing Kakashi was manipulating him, but also knowing he was probably serious about the girl ingesting poisons on her own. He stared at him for several long seconds, like he was genuinely deciding whether or not to punch the jōnin, before finally letting out a tired exhale through his nose. “You’re a manipulative bastard.” he declared at last.

“Maa…” Kakashi accepted the insult without the slightest concern. “Then I guess you understood my point.”

“Your point is that you want to scare me enough into agreeing before the kid accidentally poisons herself.” Genma grumbled irritably. “You want me to feel guilty if she ends up in the hospital or some shit like that.”

“Is it working?”

Genma clicked his tongue. “I hate talking to you.”

“Not really.”

“No, definitely yes.”

Beyond them, Sakura finally managed to take down the earth clone by using its own weight against it instead of trying to overpower it directly. The clone disappeared in a cloud of damp mud the moment it hit the ground, giving Kakashi a slight headache from the new information flooding into his mind, and Sakura ended up on her knees, breathing heavily as she tried to push the pink hair stuck to her forehead away from her face with trembling arms.

Naruto was the first to notice. “SAKURA-CHAN WON!” he shouted from the tree before immediately losing his balance again when one of his clones shoved him in the back. “FUCK!”

“THAT WAS TEAMWORK!” the offended clone yelled back before disappearing after getting kicked.

Genma watched the disaster for another moment before looking back at Kakashi. “Your kids are as weird as your training.”

“They work well together.”

“One of them is fighting himself.”

“From my perspective, he’s learning.” Kakashi smiled lazily. Genma made a skeptical sound around the senbon, though he didn’t argue. “Naruto, stop punching your clones and dodge them like I taught you.” he called out loud enough for the boy to hear.

His gaze settled back on Sakura. The girl was inspecting her bruised shoulder while muttering something that was probably offensive toward Kakashi’s now-vanished clone.

"What exactly do you want me to teach her?" Genma asked seriously. "Because if you expect me to turn a genin into a toxin-wielding assassin when she couldn't even pass the Chunin Exams, then I'm going to seriously question your parenting methods."

Kakashi raised a visible eyebrow over his mask. “I’m not raising children.”

“Sure. And I’m the Hokage.”

Kakashi decided to ignore that. “I want her to learn properly.” he explained in the same carefree tone. “Dosages. Identification. Antidotes. How to detect poisoning. What not to mix if she doesn’t want to destroy her liver before twenty.”

Genma narrowed his eyes. “That’s weirdly specific.”

“Curiosity combined with access to books never leads to anything good.”

That actually earned a short nasal laugh from Genma. “Ah.” he said slowly. “So she’s already started researching on her own.”

“Didn’t I already tell you she started ingesting poisons by herself?”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean she’s researching. She could just be an idiot.” Genma sighed again, pulling the senbon from his mouth to gesture vaguely with it. “You know this could go really badly.”

“All ninja training can go really badly.”

“Yeah, but normally we actively try to prevent children from developing neurotoxin tolerance while they’re still growing.”

“Mhm…” Kakashi tilted his head slightly, humming. “Sakura probably won’t grow that tall anyway.”

“That is not reassuring.”

“I never said I was trying to reassure you.”

Genma looked at him with obvious exhaustion. “How the hell did you end up becoming a teacher?”

“Lack of adult supervision.”

That got another dry laugh out of Genma before he looked back over the training field. “Can’t you find someone else? I’m already busy enough most of the time.”

“You’re one of the few people in the village who won’t actively try to turn one of my students against me.” Kakashi said distractedly. “They still call me the friend-killer, remember? Clearly only a handful of people here actually like me.”

After all, it was well known that his reputation hadn’t improved even a little over the years. Not even when he accepted his genin team did things get any better for him, though he had never really cared.

Genma made a low sound around the senbon. “Yeah, I remember.”

Kakashi leaned more of his weight against the tree trunk behind him, feeling the rough texture of the bark pressing through the dark fabric of his uniform. Genma kept glancing at him sideways, clearly expecting him to say something more after bringing up his reputation.

He had never really understood why people expected that to bother him so much. People always talked. Shinobi especially. Konoha could dress itself up as a warm and welcoming village all it wanted, but underneath it was still a military structure full of people trained to suspect, categorize, and survive. Reputations mattered there because they could keep you alive or get you killed, and his had never been particularly kind, so it kept him alive through the fear other people had of him.

The whispers had changed a little over the years, but they had never really disappeared. Sometimes they just mutated into softer, more socially acceptable versions. Kakashi still remembered the way some shinobi lowered their voices slightly whenever he appeared nearby during his ANBU years. The way certain civilians subtly stepped aside when they saw him walking through the streets after certain missions. Even now he still noticed the occasional stares directed at the slanted hitai-ate covering his Sharingan. Especially the Sharingan. That never helped because, even if it officially belonged to Konoha, it was still an uncomfortable visual reminder of too many things: war, blood, a dead Uchiha, teammates dead by his own hand, and a prodigy child who had grown up wrong.

Ah, and now people also called him a pervert. Though Kakashi thought that was stupid because all he did was read his lovely novels during his free time.

“You know,” Genma finally said, breaking the silence as he spun the senbon between his fingers, “most normal people don’t use ‘they still call me a friend-killer’ as a persuasive argument.”

Kakashi made a distracted noise.

“Besides,” Genma continued as he bit down on the senbon again. Kakashi caught the scent of herbs coming from it, which made him fairly sure the man was testing some new toxin. “you know perfectly well why not many people want to get too involved with you.”

“Maa… because I’m socially charming.”

“Because you’re terrifying.” Genma corrected easily. 

Kakashi thought about that for a few seconds. “You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not.”

He probably wasn’t.

The war and his time in ANBU had left behind certain habits that were difficult to erase. Kakashi still had the involuntary tendency to identify lethal points in every room he entered. He still automatically positioned himself with his back to walls. He still reacted to the smell of blood faster than normal. And honestly, it didn’t help that he rarely seemed particularly friendly around shinobi who weren’t close to him.

He didn’t smile much. He didn’t talk much. And when he did, it was usually to say something unpleasant or unsettling. Or both. Or simply to mock people.

Genma watched him like he was trying to decide whether Kakashi was genuinely like that or if he simply enjoyed making other people uncomfortable. But if he was being honest with himself, Kakashi admitted it was mostly the latter. He enjoyed making people uncomfortable.

“Keep running, Sasuke.” Kakashi called to the boy when he realized he hadn’t heard his footsteps in the last five minutes.

Sasuke hissed irritably as he straightened back up.

Genma observed that with a slightly raised eyebrow. “You weren’t even looking at him.”

“There was no need.” Kakashi replied. “I know my students. I know they’ll get lazy whenever they think I’m not paying attention.” he added in a louder tone.

Sasuke had clearly heard that because his expression immediately worsened. The boy kept running, and Kakashi could practically feel the frustration radiating off him from there.

“He’s irritated.” Genma noted.

“Mhm.”

“Is that also part of the training, or do you just enjoy tormenting your students?”

“If he loses his head every time someone annoys him, eventually someone’s going to kill him for it.”

Genma made a low sound around the senbon. He didn’t seem to disagree exactly.

“Breathe through your nose, Sasuke.” Kakashi called with the same lazy tone when the boy passed by them again. “You’re wasting energy again. You still have seven laps left.”

“YOU SAID TEN! THIS IS THE TENTH!” Sasuke looked at him like he wanted to stab him, but obeyed anyway.

“Ah, did I say that?” Kakashi replied indifferently. “Then you’ll do another three on top of the seven I mentioned.”

“Your teaching methods are complete shit.” Genma grimaced. His lips were slightly paler than usual, and his breath smelled sweet, though not in a good way.

“They work.”

Genma put away the senbon and pulled out a new one shortly afterward. “That doesn’t make them any less concerning.”

Kakashi decided that sounded like somebody else’s problem.

“They are good kids.” Kakashi admitted to Genma at last when the silence between them started feeling too heavy. “I want them to become the best versions of themselves they can be.”

Genma smiled faintly around the senbon. “Wow,” he said with mock amazement. “Who are you and what did you do with Hatake Kakashi?”

“That’s why you don’t have friends, Genma.”

“Ah, yeah. There you are.”

Kakashi ignored the comment. The distant sounds of footsteps, ragged breathing, and wood striking wood filled the training field in a strangely steady rhythm, enough to make him smile slightly.

“So,” Genma said while watching Sakura, who was sprawled flat on her back in the mud looking exhausted, “have you decided what you’re going to do once the girl inevitably starts making homemade toxins?”

“I’m going to blame you,” Kakashi replied with absolute calm.

“You manipulative bastard.”

“That’s why I specifically came to you.”

“Son of a bitch.”

Kakashi ignored Genma’s insult as easily as he ignored most unpleasant things people said about him. Honestly, after so many years, it was hard to find the energy to feel offended anymore. He had heard worse versions before—some whispered behind his back, others spoken directly to his face, especially during the first years after Rin’s death—and now he couldn’t care less about being insulted by colleagues, friends, or anyone else.

After all, Konoha could pretend to be many things, but it had never pretended to be kind to traumatized children or to people who, in its opinion, did not deserve it.

The wind stirred through the trees again, carrying the smell of damp earth, sweat, crushed leaves, and the nauseating herbal scent of toxins clinging to Genma. It wasn’t a bad smell exactly, but Kakashi still disliked the instinctive sense of alertness it triggered in the back of his mind every time he caught it nearby.

He glanced toward Naruto, who was resting while curiously inspecting his leg, carefully following the movement of what looked like a tiny insect. Sakura was still lying in the mud trying to catch her breath, breathing hard and looking like an absolute disaster, apparently not caring much about her appearance at the moment, which, in Kakashi’s opinion, was significant progress. Sasuke, meanwhile, was still running laps around the field, sending resentful looks toward Kakashi and his teammates.

Kakashi honestly didn’t even know why the boy kept running when he could have simply disobeyed him. It wasn’t like Kakashi would say anything now, considering the other two had already decided to take a break.

“So…” Genma spoke again after a few seconds. “When exactly are you planning to tell the girl about this?”

“Tell her what?”

“That apparently she’s going to start learning poisons from me.” Genma pointed the senbon at him. “Because I seriously suspect you made up half the information in this conversation.”

Kakashi tilted his head with false innocence. “You have so little faith in me.”

“That’s because I know you and I know what kind of bastard you are.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

Genma let out a tired snort. “Damn it, Kakashi.”

Kakashi let out a small, amused sigh from behind his mask. It was pleasant talking to people who already knew him. The conversations flowed much more naturally. He didn't need to pretend so much. Besides, Genma was smart enough to see through the manipulation and decent enough not to fall for it if he thought a child was involved.

That was very convenient.

“She really is interested,” Kakashi assured him. “She just doesn’t know yet who’s going to train her.”

Genma and Kakashi both looked back toward Sakura. The girl had finally sat down on the ground, wiping mud off herself with an exhausted expression while Naruto shouted something at her from the tree, clearly making fun of how muddy she looked while laughing loudly. Without even really looking at him, she answered by flipping him off.

“Charming,” Genma commented sarcastically.

“Right?” In Kakashi’s opinion, his student was the most adorable kunoichi he had ever seen. And she behaved well, for the most part. Well, much better than Naruto and Sasuke at least.

“And you want to give poisons to that thing.”

“I want to give that thing tools,” Kakashi corrected.

Kakashi watched Sakura for a few more seconds, feeling that familiar discomfort settle beneath his ribs whenever he thought too seriously about his students. Sakura was intelligent, but she was also physically the most vulnerable of the three, and she had already started noticing it herself. Kakashi could see it in the way she watched Naruto and Sasuke during combat, and that could easily become something ugly if nobody guided her properly.

Intelligent shinobi who grew up feeling physically inadequate developed dangerous tendencies. Kakashi had seen enough of them throughout his career as a ninja, Akasuna no Sasori was a very clear example of that. Those were the kinds of people who started using toxins, traps, or seals because they needed to level the playing field and slowly turned into people far too willing to hurt themselves in order to feel strong, and to hurt others whenever they wanted to, usually in the worst ways possible.

And Sakura… well, Sakura’s hands were still far too soft. Kakashi preferred to keep it that way for as long as possible.

“Do you know what the worst part is?”

“What?”

“That I don’t even think you’re manipulating me for bad reasons this time like you usually do.” Genma sighed tiredly. “That’s the most irritating part.”

Kakashi made a small distracted noise. He wasn’t surprised Genma knew that. After all, it was probably true. He manipulated people constantly—he had spent too many years in that world not to—and sometimes Kakashi forgot that it wasn’t exactly healthy behavior for social interactions, though honestly he didn’t particularly care whether it was healthy or not.

The difference this time, however, was that now his behavior was meant to protect children instead of destroy targets. Which probably counted as emotional progress, and he was fairly sure Yamanaka would be pleased to hear that.

“Besides,” Genma continued while crossing his arms, “you yourself are terrible at teaching things like this, so I don’t understand how you went from the disaster you used to be to… this.”

“Rude.”

“Kakashi, for years you solved most of your problems by either avoiding them or eliminating them.”

“You eliminate your problems too,” Kakashi reminded him. Genma was just as bad—or worse—than him sometimes, though it was less noticeable because he was slightly more sociable than Kakashi.

“That’s not the point.” Genma toyed with the senbon in his hand. “The girl would probably listen to me more anyway.”

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow slightly. Why the hell did this guy think that?

Genma grinned around the senbon. “I’m more attractive, and she seems like the type to fall weak for pretty faces.”

“Maa… that’s debatable.” Kakashi glanced up at the sky for a few seconds. “I think you’re average.”

“No, I’m serious. I’m better-looking.” Genma pointed at him again. “Have you looked at yourself lately? You look like… like you rolled around in your own misery and drink depression, exhaustion, and stress with your coffee every morning.”

Kakashi thought that made no sense because, from what he saw every morning in the mirror, he was still as attractive as ever. He didn’t even look more exhausted than usual. And as Gai liked to say, he was in the springtime of his youth.

“Parenthood is wrecking you.”

“I’m nobody’s parent.”

Genma lifted both eyebrows in amusement. “Oh? So you’re the mother then?” he joked mockingly. “And who’s the father? Tenzo? Some idiot I don’t know?” There was a brief pause. “Or is it Gai?”

“Why do you say Gai like he’s the worst possible option for someone?”

“So it is Gai?”

Kakashi smiled at him with fake politeness. “How’s Raidō?”

“I’m not ashamed to admit I could fuck a guy if I wanted to,” Genma informed him. “But I’m offended that your mind immediately went to Raidō.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard Anko say you two kissed.”

“So what?” Genma shot back without a trace of shame. “You’ve never kissed your friends on the mouth to strengthen bonds or as a joke?”

Kakashi had not, nor did he ever plan to.

“Can we kiss our friends?” Sakura’s sweet little voice asked them.

Both men immediately looked toward the girl and noticed she was accompanied by the other two children, all of them staring with the same kind of confusion. It was at that moment that Kakashi remembered—not for the first time—that two of those children probably had never received any kind of sex education whatsoever. The Academy didn’t teach that sort of thing unless someone specifically asked first. And Kakashi wasn’t even sure whether Sakura had ever been taught either, but judging by her expression, probably not.

“How can two men…?” Sasuke looked genuinely confused, confused enough that he didn’t even seem particularly embarrassed to ask.

Kakashi felt a bead of sweat slide down the back of his neck as he raised both hands defensively. “Kids, kids… perhaps we could wait on these questions?”

“Why?”

“Why don’t you want to tell us?”

“I want to know!”

Kakashi stared at the three children in front of him and, for the first time in hours, felt genuine danger.

Not physical danger, obviously. Those tiny monsters could never seriously hurt him. But the questions, on the other hand… the questions were horrifying.

Kakashi would rather fight enemy jōnin than explain sex education to three thirteen-year-olds staring at him with complete attention.

Ah, damn it.

The problem with children was that they heard absolutely everything. And worse: they constantly asked questions with brutal sincerity and absolutely no regard whatsoever for the emotional stability of the adults involved.

Genma, the miserable traitor, had the audacity to start laughing.

Kakashi seriously considered fleeing. Not metaphorically. Literally fleeing.

There was a massive—gigantic, abysmal—difference between discreetly reading erotic literature while ignoring his own emotional issues and having to explain sex education to three thirteen-year-olds who were now staring at him as if expecting a formal lesson. And even worse, Genma was enjoying this.

‘Fucking bastard son of a bitch,’ he thought. Now he remembered why he hated talking to this asshole for too long unless it was specifically to annoy him.

“What exactly is it that you don’t understand?” he finally asked the children with extreme caution.

“Everything,” Naruto answered immediately.

“That helps tremendously,” Kakashi muttered.

“How can two men do that?” Sasuke asked again, clearly more interested in understanding the logic behind it than anything else. His ears were red. “I thought couples were… different. Aren’t they only supposed to hug in order to reproduce offspring when they lie together? How can two men reproduce if it isn’t biologically possible?”

Kakashi felt something uncomfortable settle beneath his mask.

Ah, right.

Sasuke had probably only received the traditional basic explanation from his clan when he was little. Something formal, adapted for children and aimed toward heirs and marriage. Enough to understand reproduction and family continuity, but not necessarily relationships outside of that, nor the more entertaining aspects of things. And after the massacre… yeah, nobody had probably spoken to the boy about those things ever again.

Naruto, on the other hand, had most likely learned awful fragments from overheard conversations, crude jokes, and random comments nobody had ever actually bothered explaining to him. Which meant he understood individual words, but not the full context. He probably knew enough to create that Sexy Jutsu of his, but didn’t even really understand why adults liked it.

And Sakura…

Kakashi glanced at her briefly.

The girl seemed to know something. Not much, but something. There was a faint pink flush across her cheeks, and the way she avoided looking directly at the adults suggested she at least recognized part of the topic. Probably from conversations between girls at the Academy or magazines she had found somewhere.

That didn't improve the situation.

“Maaa…” He tried to buy time while raising a hand toward them. “I think we’re getting off track from training.”

“What does fucking mean?” Naruto immediately asked.

Genma burst into laughter so loudly he nearly choked on the senbon.

Kakashi glared at him irritably.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Genma was still laughing. “This is incredible. Hatake Kakashi, the man who can disembowel enemies without blinking, defeated by a bunch of genin asking questions.”

“You could help.”

“I am absolutely not saving you from this,” Genma replied with openly malicious delight.

Kakashi felt uncomfortable pressure building behind his visible eye. Why the hell was he nervous? He was an adult. An elite jōnin. A former ANBU. He had literally read every volume of Icha Icha. Technically, he knew perfectly well how these things worked. The problem was that understanding concepts and verbalizing them in front of children were two completely different experiences. It didn’t help that he himself had never been particularly good at talking about emotions, intimacy, or anything even remotely similar. Minato-sensei had tried once when Kakashi was younger, wanting to give him “the talk,” but that conversation had ended with Kakashi fleeing before they got very far. After that, most of the information had simply… appeared on its own over the years.

“So?” Naruto insisted, stepping closer. “What does it mean?”

Sasuke, meanwhile, was still watching them with a frown. “I don’t understand how it would work between two men,” he admitted directly. “Biologically.”

Kakashi wanted to die.

“Listen.” Kakashi tried again, feeling an absurd discomfort crawling up the back of his neck. God, why was it suddenly so hot? “P-people can feel attracted to other people regardless of whether they’re men or women.”

“Attracted how?” Naruto immediately asked.

Kakashi went completely still.

Ah.

“W-well…” Kakashi felt genuine cold sweat this time. “Like… wanting to be close to someone.”

“That happens between friends too.” Sakura pointed out automatically, as if it were obvious. Or was it just his imagination, or was there malice in all three genin’s eyes? “I want to be close to Naruto and Sasuke-kun, and all my friends too.”

“Yeah! I wanna be around everyone too, dattebayo! Even you, sensei!”

“Yes, but it’s different.”

“How different?” Sasuke asked.

Kakashi seriously considered faking a ninja emergency.

Sasuke stared at Kakashi for a few more seconds and then, to the jōnin’s absolute horror, seemed to realize something. “You don’t know how to explain it.”

Genma burst out laughing again.

“I do know how to explain it.” Kakashi replied automatically.

He didn't know.

“Then explain it.” Sasuke demanded.

What a ruthless child.

Kakashi opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Because technically, yes, he did know. Of course he knew. The problem was that everything sounded deeply wrong in his head when he imagined saying it out loud to three muddy thirteen-year-olds staring at him like he was an encyclopedia. Besides… nobody had really taught him these things properly either (though, again, not for lack of attempts from Minato and a few other responsible adults), so he didn’t exactly have a reference conversation to work from.

And honestly, he had probably learned more from Icha Icha and his own experiences than from any responsible adult. Which was a deeply concerning sentence, but true nonetheless.

“Maa…” He tried again. “Adults sometimes want to…” He stopped, unsure how to continue. “…share affection.”

“Yeah, that’s obvious.” Sakura huffed. “What the hell, sensei? Do you think we’re stupid?”

“Just explain it.” Sasuke demanded again.

“Yeah, Hatake,” Genma said in a dangerously malicious voice. “Have you really never had this conversation before?”

"No."

“Never?” Genma looked genuinely surprised.

“I don’t discuss my relationships with thirteen-year-olds, Genma.”

“That implies there are relationships.”

Kakashi decided to actively ignore that part because it was nobody’s business.

“Oh, this is amazing!” Genma laughed. “So that’s why you can’t even say it!”

“Because I don’t need to!”

“Say what?” Naruto immediately asked.

Sakura rolled her eyes. “They’re just talking about sex, Naruto.” Then the girl flushed red when she realized she’d said it out loud.

“That’s what I said earlier.” Sasuke snapped at his teammates. “Don’t you know that, idiot?” he asked Naruto.

“Actually, no.” Naruto replied. “I just know people kiss and stuff.”

“Yeah, and they also have sex.” Sakura seemed to swallow her embarrassment just to educate her teammate a little.

“Oh…” Naruto put his hands behind his head, unconcerned. “I don’t know how that works.”

“That’s…” Sakura looked resigned. “Honestly, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said before?” Sasuke sounded slightly irritated. His cheeks were faintly pink. “People do a secret jutsu and then hug in bed when they sleep together, and that’s how they have children.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura pressed her lips together, looking conflicted.

“That’s how it works.”

“My parents said you have to hold hands.” Sakura insisted. “And kiss.”

“Maybe it’s different for civilian families?” Naruto theorized.

Kakashi could not believe what he was hearing, and was beginning to think he seriously needed to reevaluate how he always ended up trapped in these kinds of stressful situations.

Genma went completely silent for a few seconds before bursting into laughter again, this time at the expense of his students. The bastard literally had to lean harder against the tree because he was laughing so hard his senbon fell out of his mouth.

Kakashi hated him deeply.

“A secret jutsu?” Genma repeated between laughs. “Who the hell taught the kid that?”

Sasuke immediately frowned, offended. “My mother explained that adults share chakra to form families,” he answered defensively. “Then my father said it was an ‘inappropriate subject to keep asking about.’”

Ah, well.

That… honestly explained a lot. From what Kakashi remembered, Itachi had believed something similar too, until Kakashi had shown him one of his erotic novels and the boy had suddenly opened his eyes to the truth of the world.

He could do the same thing with his students, but that didn’t seem like a good idea considering they were far too young and innocent to read that kind of material. So all he could do was feel something vaguely resembling compassion mixing with absolute horror at the situation.

“So there’s no jutsu?” Naruto asked, disappointed.

“No,” Sakura answered before either adult could. “I think.”

“You think?” Sasuke immediately turned toward her. “So you don’t know either?”

Sakura crossed her arms, wounded pride written all over her face. “Of course I know some things! I’ve read romance novels!” Then she pointed at him. “And why don’t you know, Sasuke-kun?! Weren’t you the one who wanted to rebuild your clan?! You need to know about these things if you want to do that!”

“What things?” Naruto instantly asked. “What happens in the novels?”

“Well,” Sakura began, “people hold hands, hug, and kiss because they love each other, you know, stuff like that. And then… well, it just says they sleep together, but it’s never clearly explained… Oh,” the pink-haired girl murmured slowly, sounding thoughtful. And then Kakashi watched, with something close to silent terror, as Sakura realized she actually didn’t know as much as she thought she did. Which meant she was probably going to investigate on her own if he didn’t explain it.

Genma completely lost his composure again, laughing so hard he actually managed to make the children look embarrassed.

Kakashi seriously considered killing him. “Alright,” the jōnin finally said, raising both hands before things got even worse. “First: there are no secret jutsu involved in having children.”

Naruto looked genuinely disappointed. “That sounds way less cool,” he admitted. “I don’t think I’m interested in sex then. It doesn’t sound fun.”

“It doesn’t involve jutsu because it’s not a ninja thing,” Kakashi clarified. And, honestly, he really hoped Naruto would stick to that opinion about intimacy. It would make Kakashi’s life much easier.

“Everything can be a ninja thing,” Sasuke immediately argued. “Iruka-sensei said so at the academy. Everything can be used to our advantage and turned into a weapon.”

That was… honestly a surprisingly solid argument. 

“Listen…” He started again, trying to organize thoughts he normally never verbalized out loud. What a horrible situation. He would have preferred explaining assassination tactics a thousand times over. “Adults sometimes…” He swallowed behind the mask. “…have romantic relationships.”

“That’s something everyone knows,” Sasuke immediately pointed out. “Even the idiot.”

“Yeah! Even I know that, dattebayo!” Naruto didn’t even seem to realize he’d just been insulted.

“Romantic relationships include…” Kakashi felt heat creeping up his neck. God, this was awful. “…physical affection.”

“Like hugs, holding hands, and kissing?” Naruto asked, putting his hands behind his head, relaxed. “We already knew that, sensei.”

“Yes.” Kakashi answered far too quickly. “Exactly. Hugs, kisses, and those kinds of things. Excellent example. End of conversation.”

“Kakashi,” Genma said with utter mocking disappointment, “that was cowardly even for you.”

He actively ignored the other man.

Sakura was watching him with growing suspicion now. “Sensei,” she began slowly, “I think you’re trying to escape the explanation.”

“What an active imagination you have, Sakura.”

“You’re sweating,” Sasuke pointed out.

Traitors.

They were all traitors.

Kakashi never should have accepted students. Gai could keep them. Or the Hokage. Or literally any other functional adult.

“Maaa…” He scratched the back of his neck, stalling for time. “Adults also kiss.”

“We already know that,” Sakura immediately replied.

“And sleep together,” Naruto added.

“Yes.”

“And hold hands,” Sakura continued.

“And have children,” Sasuke said.

“Correct.”

The three children stared at him.

Kakashi could feel the silence growing heavier and heavier.

“And?” Naruto asked.

Genma was enjoying this far too much. The bastard had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. “You know what?” the chūnin finally said, pushing himself away from the tree with a cruel grin. “I think Kakashi is explaining this so badly because he’s embarrassed. He is shy.”

“I'm not embarrassed!”

“Oh, you definitely are.” Genma replied mercilessly. “Look at yourself. You look like you’re about to have an emotional breakdown.”

“That’s just my normal face.”

“That somehow makes this way worse.”

Naruto raised a hand like he was in class. “I have another question.” Kakashi immediately felt fear. “Do babies come out during missions or something?”

Genma choked.

Sakura’s eyes widened dramatically. “Naruto!”

“What?” The boy looked confused. “I’ve never seen a baby come out of someone!”

“Because obviously it doesn’t happen during missions!” Sakura was completely red now. “That happens in the hospital after nine months of a woman carrying it in her stomach!”

“And then what? Does she throw it up?” Naruto questioned again.

Sakura scoffed. “Of course not, idiot.”

“Then how does it work?”

“I’m not sure.” Sakura admitted. “They don’t explain anything in kunoichi classes unless you become a young lady. That hasn’t happened to me yet, and I’m not even sure when it’s supposed to happen because apparently parents are the ones who explain it, and my mom said it’s still too early for me to know.”

Kakashi wanted to die, not metaphorically, but literally. Damn it, now he understood why Iruka always seemed so tired. He only had three children, but that poor man had so many more to take care of. How did he deal with those kinds of questions?

Eh, wait. Clearly he didn’t, considering his monstrous genin were asking Kakashi now. Damn it. Iruka, the bastard, was avoiding the work. Kakashi was going to complain or something later.

“Mhm.” Kakashi slowly crossed his arms, trying to regain some control over the situation. “Alright. Listen carefully because I’m only explaining this once.”

Genma made a quiet amused sound.

Kakashi shot him a look that promised violence. “Adults,” he continued carefully, “can fall in love or feel attracted to each other. That doesn’t necessarily depend on whether they’re men or women.” He paused briefly. “And when two adults are in a romantic relationship, sometimes they want to express physical affection.”

Naruto nodded as if he understood perfectly, but Kakashi could tell from the boy’s eyes that he understood absolutely nothing.

“Sex,” he continued, feeling genuine spiritual agony saying the word out loud in front of them, “is a form of physical intimacy between adults, and only between adults.” He emphasized that last part carefully, just to make sure no future incidents happened.

Naruto still looked confused. “Then why does everyone act weird whenever they talk about it?” he asked immediately.

Genma finally came to the rescue, though he was clearly still amused. “Because some people are frigid idiots,” he replied calmly. “And because talking about feelings, bodies, and relationships makes a lot of people nervous.”

Naruto immediately turned to Kakashi, pointing his finger. "That's what's happening to you!"

"Tomorrow morning I'll make you run fifty laps," Kakashi told the boy with absolute calm.

“Nooo!” Naruto whined.

Sakura let out a small muffled laugh.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was still thinking far too hard. Kakashi could practically hear the mental gears turning inside the boy’s head. “So two men really can be together…” he finally concluded.

“Yes.” Genma answered this time, more calmly. “And two women too.”

“Even if it’s not for having children?” Sasuke asked.

“There are more reasons to be with someone besides having children.” Genma let him know. “One of them is pleasure.”

That silenced the children briefly, and Kakashi observed their expressions with quiet exhaustion. Naruto looked like he was trying to reorganize his entire understanding of the world. Sakura was embarrassed but curious. Sasuke was still analyzing everything with rigid logic, trying to fit the new pieces into old structures.

The children would probably have more questions, but Kakashi was not going to answer any of them. He was going to delegate that task to someone more qualified, like Iruka or a medical-nin from the hospital, since that was clearly the safest option, especially because Sakura apparently still hadn’t had her first menstruation yet, and it was always better for an expert to explain those things to girls instead of someone who only vaguely knew about it and had obviously never experienced it himself either. After all, the children were still very young in many ways, and ruining their minds with something like one of his novels as “education” simply was not an option.

In fact, it would never be an option. Not as long as he had anything to say about it.

Suddenly, Naruto raised his hand again.

Kakashi felt immediate terror.

“Have you ever had sex, Kakashi-sensei?”

“You’re not supposed to ask things like that, Naruto!” Sakura shouted, cheeks red.

Genma didn’t even bother hiding that he was laughing.

Goddammit. Why the hell had Kakashi agreed to this job?

Notes:

Kids: Where do babies come from?

Kakashi: I wish I could get out of here :(

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Sakura and Sasuke clearly knew things—not much, but they knew. They were simply having fun teasing Kakashi as a form of revenge (at least on Sasuke's part). Naruto, on the other hand, doesn't understand much, but that's mostly because he doesn't care that much about all that stuff yet.

On the other hand, at first I thought Kakashi would keep quiet about Tobi, but then I realized the kids would try to find out for themselves. So telling Sasuke so he could keep his teammates out of Kakashi's business was the best option, especially since he only wants to look out for his team.

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