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It had always been the same, day in and day out. This little dance they did never changed.
Merlin would wake Arthur up with one loud exclamation or another as he threw back the curtains. Arthur would groan and refuse to get up, but Merlin would always somehow manage to get him dressed and on his feet. Merlin would serve breakfast, blatantly swiping a bit of food before he gave the platter to Arthur. Arthur would threaten him with the stocks. Merlin would justify his actions by commenting on Arthur's weight. Arthur would throw something at Merlin's head. Merlin would duck. They would laugh.
Arthur would go train the knights. Merlin would do his chores (mostly). Merlin would attend Arthur at lunch as he dined with the knights. They would hunt on occasion, or Arthur would decide Merlin needed more practice with a sword. Arthur would attend meetings with the court and handle any problems that arose. Merlin would stand by his side.
If there was no feast, Arthur would retire and Merlin would prepare him a bath. While he bathed Merlin would tend the fire and ready the bed with a warming pan. Merlin would dress him for sleep then retrieve his dinner. Arthur would ask Merlin to sit with him and they would dine together. Arthur would get in bed and Merlin would put out the candles and wish his king a good night.
This was normal. This was known. This was them.
It was something Merlin took for granted.
The day Gwen became queen; it all came to an end.
The morning after her crowning, Merlin had thrown open the door without knocking, as was normal for him, and been met with a sight that he hadn’t realized would cause him such pain until that moment. Upon opening the door to his king’s chambers, he saw Arthur and Gwen in bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms after spending all night consummating their marriage.
Merlin’s noisiness hadn’t woken them, and for once, Merlin was glad that Arthur was such a heavy sleeper. He knew he would be unwelcome in this tender moment between husband and wife. And he doubted he could dutifully attend his king when it felt like his heart had been torn out of his chest. He quietly slipped out of the room and went to fetch breakfast. And if he purposefully waited longer than necessary to prepare himself for the image of Arthur and Gwen together, well, Arthur would just blame his incompetence.
The morning wake up routine wasn’t the only thing that changed after Gwen became queen. Around Gwen, Arthur didn’t banter as much, he didn’t throw things at Merlin’s head, and he didn’t insult him. Perhaps Merlin should have been grateful, but he only felt a deep sense of longing for how things use to be. At least Arthur had been talking to him then. Now, he rarely spoke to Merlin at all. The few times Merlin and Arthur were together in a room; Arthur was usually engaged in conversation with his wife.
Arthur sought out Gwen for counsel now. He didn’t need Merlin’s advice any more. He spent more time with Gwen, as a good husband should, but rarely went on hunts anymore, and he certainly didn’t have any extra time to train an inept manservant.
Merlin no longer tended to Arthur’s baths. His wife took over that duty. She took over many nightly duties that had once been Merlin’s. And since Gwen became queen, Arthur no longer asked Merlin to join him for supper.
Merlin still saw his king, but they rarely interacted, and never as they use to. Seeing him every day and knowing what they had lost struck Merlin to his core. He missed the Arthur that he had known. The Arthur that he had loved. The Arthur he still loved, even if he was married to another woman.
The loss of his connection to Arthur was complete the day he was dismissed as Arthur’s manservant.
“You’re Gwen’s friend,” he had said. “She’s not comfortable with having you serve us.”
“Don’t look so glum, Merlin. Now you can fully commit to your physician apprenticeship duties.”
Merlin had been able to say nothing but, “Of course, sire.”
Merlin had known that one day Arthur would marry. He had known that it would be painful. That he would have to see Arthur with someone else. Someone who could be with Arthur in a way that he never could. But despite knowing these things, Merlin hadn’t been prepared for it. And he had always thought that even if he would never have Arthur’s love, he would at least always have his friendship. They would always have their daily routine.
And now he didn’t even have that.