Archive of Our Own

Stan decided it was a good time to call it a night. Between finishing the fertilisation of the two newly planted corn fields and patching up the chicken coop, he’d done as much as he could for the day without tearing into the next task on Xeno’s never ending list. He’d trudged back to his shared room to see Xeno scribbling on a piece of off-white fibrous scrap piece of parchment. 

Proto-paper, he had called it. 

Xeno hummed in response to Stan’s “Hey.” and continued with his head bowed. 

“How was your day?” Xeno finally piped up, eyes still on the sheet. The writing was neat, and Stan could just about make out what was written from where he was standing. Xeno had loopy and fluid handwriting, unlike his own chicken scratch.

“Eh, it was alright. Me and Maya finished fertilising those two new fields, and Charlotte helped patch up the coop.”

Xeno finished whatever he was scribbling and put down his quill. Seeing the quill still made Stan flinch internally, the hell he went through to pluck it off a pesky, slippery rooster a few weeks ago still fresh in his mind. 

Xeno nodded. “Wonderful.” He paused with his mouth still slightly open, and for a moment, Stan thought his scientist had suffered a brain freeze. Like those beaten up computers back at his old job three thousand and seven hundred-ish years ago were so prone to do so. Whatever the doctor was thinking about, he either resolved or decided to file it away, for he returned to his writing.

Stan strolled around the lab, not really looking at anything in particular. The sun was hanging low in the early summer sky, and the window was partially opened, letting in a crisp breeze. 

Good, Stan thought to himself. Clean fresh air meant he could potentially add some of his ‘poison’ to it. Xeno might have his head, but he reckoned he would take the heat. He had damn well earned his treat.

The scratching of the quill stopped, followed by a “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Yeah? Hit me.” He flicked open the lighter, and was about to light up his cigarette. Annoyingly, the wheel stuck but he managed to finally get a flame going after a few attempts.  

“Is Ms Maya fucking Ms Charlotte?” 

Stan choked on his own spit, dropping the lighter in his haste, and damn near set the table on fire, what with the random stacks of proto-paper on it. It took him a minute or two before his sputtering recovered to normal breathing. Xeno watched with amusement as he choked, twirling the quill in his hand. 

“So are Charlotte and Maya a thing?” He repeated. 

“What? Noooo. At least I don’t think so? Also why do you care?” Stan burst out in a flurry of run-on replies. 

“I’m curious. How do you not know?”

“Why would I know?” 

“They’re your friends.”

“They’re my subordinates.”

“All the more reason to know then, in the interest of maintaining team coherence. Do you not talk about these things when you’re on patrol or… camping?”

“You think we’re playing Boy Scouts in the Air Force? Maybe the crayon eaters… But us? Noooooo.” Stan droned, dragged out the last syllable. 

”Is it any different from what you’re doing currently?”

”Hm. Actually… no.” Stan shrugged. Xeno might be a self-proclaimed dictator, but he pretty much had them running everyday errands around the castle — planting crops, feeding livestock, carrying out building maintenance. 

“Never cared enough to ask.” Stan resumed his smoking, fully aware of the glare delivered by Xeno from the corner of his eye. The day had been long enough to justify a stress reliever. 

“They spend a lot of time together.” 

“Eh. I just thought it was a girl thing. You know, them being so touchy.”

Xeno tutted, displeased with his answer. “You’re touchy with me all the time.” He retorted. 

“Yeah, but… we’re guys.”

Xeno stopped whatever he was doing and turned his head to stare at Stan straight on. “Excellent observation, Einstein.”

Stan frowned, “You know what I mean.”

Xeno returned to his work. “You’re sounding awfully sexist, Stan.”

Stan snorted, the bangs he had casually cascading down his face moving with the puff of air. “Aw babe, you’ve only ever called me sexy.” He teased, inching closer to the doctor. 

Xeno on the other hand, turned and walked away, putting distance between them. His eyes were focused on nothing in particular, for they had that glazed sheen in them. For the uninitiated, one would have thought Xeno was not thinking about anything. For Stan, his partner-in-crime and childhood best friend, he knew Xeno had a thousand thoughts running through his mind right now. 

“One way.”

Huh? 

“Only one way to find out.”

Xeno curled his claws around the quill, tapping it on the table, voice strong and fire set alight in his eyes. His mind was made up. His voice was strong, determined. “We will do this the proper way. You shall aid me, naturally, Stan.”

“Say what?” 

“The Scientific Method.”

”Err…” 

“The Hypothesis: Charlotte and Maya are a couple.”

Xeno declared. Stan grimaced. But not without a tad of fondness for the upcoming task his dictator would surely set him up to. 

x x x x x

It had been a few days since Xeno had announced his new side project. He hadn’t put into action any concrete plans, but Stan had a suspicion something was about to go down. 

Lunch was always served at noon sharp. Xeno made sure everyone had their share. All part of a healthy and functioning labour force, he had announced to Stan, while laying down basic instructions for the mess hall. There was always a three course menu. Today’s Special was corn soup for starter, roast corn for main, and corn tart for dessert. Whatever the heck that was. Leonard was in charge of the menu this week, and would probably be for the rest of the month as well, since everyone had realised the man had actually enjoyed being in the kitchen. Something about it ‘being nice and quiet cooking by himself, similar to spending an afternoon in the radar room’ (not that there was much need for it nowadays). 

“So what are they doing?” Xeno and Stan each had each taken a tray of chow, and were sat at one of the side tables away from everyone else. 

“Can’t see much from this angle.” Stan replied through a mouthful of corn soup. Pretty thick and sweet today.  

“Well, shuffle a bit so you can.” Xeno ordered impatiently, shimmying about in his own seat, as if that would do him any good. He wasn’t even facing in their direction. 

“If only this table leg was not in the way, you could just…” He kicked it out of frustration and watched the light leave Stan’s eyes, the blood drain from his face. 

“Not. A. Table. Leg.” He heaved the words out, words caught between each pained breath. 

“Apologies, dear.” Xeno didn’t look apologetic. If anything, Stan thought he looked ready to milk this situation for all it was worth. The doctor had a pout on, bringing his claws together in a firm grasp. “But who can I rely on, besides you?”

Stan sighed. Not one’s fault but his for being Xeno’s bitch. 

“If they start sharing food, that’s practically kissing. Remember as kids, we used to say that’s how you get cooties.” Stan mused, stirring his soup in contemplation. 

“There is no such thing as cooties.” Xeno sighed, “Now, Mono on the other hand, or a deadly peanut allergy…” He was just about to launch into a very informative scientific lecture, that was until Stan challenged Xeno with a “If they were a couple, they would be sitting side by side.” 

”Are we sitting side by side?” Xeno retorted, straight and direct to the point. 

“No.” Stan still had his eyes trained on his subordinates, studying their every move carefully. He was determined to not let a single interaction slip past his attention. “Wait. Charlotte just shuffled closer to Maya.”

“What’s happening? I can’t see.” Xeno complained. 

His fault for not sitting next to me, Stan thought. 

“Don’t turn around, you’ll be too obvious.” Stan warned. It was no good getting the doctor all worked up. Stan would eat his own words in a minute, as he ended up gasping “No!”. 

“What’s happening!?” Xeno had brought a claw to eye level, no doubt trying his best to use its reflective surface to spy a glimpse. By the way his claws were doing a continuous three-sixty, he was failing miserably at his attempt. Yay science. 

“Maya just gave Charlotte a bit of her corn.” Stan mumbled, eyes lowered, trying his best to not attract further attention. 

Xeno clicked his tongue with disapproval, before continuing “That’s not much, is it? If she’s just slicing it off.”

”Slicing if off? I dunno who eats corn like that besides you, Mr Fancy Pants.” As if to emphasize his point, Stan eyed Xeno’s knife accusingly, which just so happened to be in the act of slicing off a rib of corn lengthwise. 

“Well excuse me. Show me how they’re doing it then.” Xeno frowned, raising his fork with the corn and pointing it at Stan. 

“Alright. You asked for it.”

Stan held out his corn with his hand, waiting for Xeno to take a bite. Right out in public in broad daylight, but hey, that’s what the doctor ordered. Xeno stared right back at him, all doe-eyed and quiet. 

“Hey man, don’t leave me hanging.” 

Stan couldn’t have cared a rat’s ass about others seeing them at this moment. He had never had the opportunity to sit in a mess hall with Xeno. Sure, he was eating corn, drinking corn, and he might very well have been breathing corn too, but he’d take this cornful meal over any fancy ‘lobster too buttery, steak too juicy’ meal (the ones they’d get served right as they were getting their tours extended for whatever fuckass reason). Even if it meant watching Xeno slicing up his corn into small bite-sized pieces. Or getting kicked in the nuts by the same restless man. 

Praise the universe, this was a damn dictatorship, so he’d damn well do what he pleased, especially if it meant he could enjoy feeding his partner a cob of corn. By hand of course. 

After a moment of hesitation, Xeno reached over and took a small bite.

”There. Are you satisfied?” Cheeks flushing, gloved hand wiping at the corner of his mouth, he looked away, not willing to meet Stan’s eyes. 

Stan smiled, in fact, he was pretty sure he had the smuggest grin plastered on his face now. Xeno being all flustered and adorable, Xeno being commanding and confident — he loved it all. Hell’s bells, honestly he was having the time of his life, just working and living alongside Xeno every single day. Some days, he even found himself thanking the universe for the strange green petrification beam, because if it hadn’t been for that, he would still be in the Air Force. Sure, flying a F-35 was hella fun and exciting, but he’d take planting crops and scrubbing cows over that if it meant working alongside and for his partner. 

And to be fair, he did get to fly the X-1 (Xeno’s flagship fighter) on a regular basis. 

“Stan?” Xeno’s call brought Stan back to his senses. 

Did he want seconds? Surely not even the good doctor could deny his charm.

“Are Charlotte and Maya still there?”

Stan looked up, eyes darting across the mess hall. Besides the random soldier littered at a table or so, the place was pretty much empty. 

”Er. No.” 

Xeno sighed, blush still lingering on his cheeks. 

Data Collection Attempt 1: Failed

x x x x x

The observatory had always been Xeno’s second favourite place in their New American colony, right after his laboratory. Underneath the glass dome was Xeno’s own personal, curated heaven. Even back when they were young, Xeno had set up a small observatory in his backyard treehouse. Stan remembered climbing the rickety rope ladder, spending endless nights curled under a thin-ass blanket, while Xeno droned on and on about the different planets viewable in his telescope. If he was nice and quiet and listened to Xeno’s lectures without interrupting (too much), Xeno would let him point the telescope at wherever he wished. Yipee. 

Now that Xeno had the full manpower of the Air Force Special Operations Command, needless to say he had used it to his full advantage and built a proper observatory. Adult sized and Dr Xeno certified. Naturally. 

“What’s with the setup?” Stan found himself saying, as he walked into the observatory a few days since their mess hall stakeout. There was a nice blanket set on the clearing right next to the telescope, one of the smaller portable ones. A piece of wooden plank was laid on top of the throw, and was that cheese? And dried beef? What in the charcuterie board was happening here? 

“Oh that, I just threw something together.” Xeno muttered while busying himself with the knobs on the telescope. ”Blasted thing, I just can’t seem to get the magnification right on this. I might as well be looking up close at Miss Luna’s nose pores.” He nudged the telescope to the left, “Remind me to synthesize some retinol for the ladies.” 

Stan spread himself across the blanket, and picked up a piece of cheese and nibbled on it. Hm, bit spicy. “Why are you even looking at her?” He asked. 

“Jealous, Stan?” 

”Always, but that’s not the point.”

”Well, she and Carlos and Max are always very entertaining.” 

Stan hummed in agreement. No argument from him there, not that he would ever let the trio know he found them amusing. A commander’s got an image to maintain. 

“What are they up to now?” 

“Just a moment, love… Yes, I finally got the magnification right.” Xeno picked up the telescope and repositioned it a click to the right, and continued his commentary, “Alright. Miss Luna is currently in the garden by herself. Nothing’s going on at the moment, but unless those bushes we planted a few months back have developed some uncanny ability to rustle and move in a relatively crooked but somewhat straight line, then I think something’s about to go down.” 

“Huh. I bet it’s Carlos.” Stan picked up a piece of dried meat and sniffed it, before popping it into his mouth. Also spicy. 

“Aaaaaaaaand you are spot on! A hundred points to Mr Snyder.” Xeno beamed and clapped, eye still on the telescope eyepiece. 

A feeling of warm pride spread in Stan’s chest. He’d do anything to chase this feeling. Even if it meant engaging in… gossip. 

“Carlos has just jumped out of the bushes with a bunch of flowers.” Xeno continued with his commentary. 

“Of course he has. Bet my boots Max is gonna run out any moment and slap him with his own bouquet.” 

“Aaaaaaaaand…  once again you are correct!” This time Xeno turned to face Stan, beaming at him. Stan wondered if Xeno had ever looked at any of his students this proud. Maybe if they’d done some Nobel-worthy research. Heck, maybe this was why those darn research students spent at least seven years slaving over papers and books, if it meant being on the receiving end of such a smile from Xeno. 

It was enough to set Stan on his own research kick. Anything for the doc. 

“Huh, I kinda wanna see this in person. You got another one of those telescopes?”

”It will take too long to set up. I should have some binoculars on the table.” 

Stan stood up and made his way over to the table. There were a number of random pieces of equipment strewn across its surface. He did his best and rummaged around. 

No, this telescope’s overkill. And these binoculars are in an ass colour. 

He finally settled on what he felt suited him best. He was a feelings man, after all. 

He returned to stand next to Xeno, raising the scope to his eye. Xeno turned to face him, and immediately did a double take. 

Stan was holding up a sniper rifle, shoulder tense and arms flexed. 

For Xeno, he was about to lose three perfectly healthy and capable members of his workforce. For Stan, it was just a regular Tuesday afternoon.  

“Stan. Why are you aiming at my limited labour force with your scary looking firearm?” Xeno queried. 

“Relax. Thing’s unloaded.” He raised his head from the scope to look Xeno in the eye, winking, “For now.” 

They watched as Max whacked Carlos with his bouquet, only for the other man to return the favour a second later. The fight, if it could even be called one, lasted for less than two minutes. All that was left in the aftermath were a bunch of petals in the dirt, and no Luna in sight. 

“Poor Miss Luna, remind me to gather her a bouquet of fresh roses later.” Xeno mumbled, watching the show through his eyepiece. Stan hummed an acknowledgment. 

“Okay, enough shenanigans. We’re supposed to be looking for Charlotte and Maya.”

”Oh right.” 

“Where are they?” 

Stan looked up from his scope, and saw Xeno staring back at him. “Would you be a dear and check the schedule, please?”

Stan returned to the table, and after a few minutes of rifling around, found the piece of parchment he was looking for. 

“Corn fields. Quality Control.” He stated. 

Data Collection Attempt 2: Failed

x x x x x

Xeno always made sure to keep a tight schedule with the corn fields. He had it all written down in ink on proto-paper, complete with the ‘who, what, when’s of all the critical tasks requiring completion in the corn fields. After all, it was their main source of fuel and feed. 

“They just went out with the tractor.” Stan had popped into the barn by himself, looking for the subjects in question. “That field we fertilised a month ago, Maya said some of the silk is browning already.”

Xeno hummed in acknowledgement, “Good, how long ago did they leave?” 

“Five… ten minutes ago? If we take the shortcut by the pond, we can find a good spot to camp out and spy on them from a good distance away.” 

“Wonderful, let’s get moving then.” 

It was a surprisingly nice day out. The sun was hanging low, painting the sky pink and violet. If the doctor had not been so preoccupied, he would have undoubtedly launched into his 827th time explaining why the sky was such a hue. Something something about Rayleigh and his scattering. Stan had definitely not been counting, and he most certainly had not been paying enough attention. 

The route that took them next to the pond was a quiet one. It led away from the castle itself so barely any one bothered to walk on it, unless they were on patrol or instructed to mend the perimeter fence. Stan had found himself on it a few times, for the aforementioned reasons. He had never bothered to ‘smell the flowers (corn)’, metaphorically or literally speaking, but of all days today seemed like a good day to start. He wondered if it was the company. Or maybe it was the weather. 

Xeno was marching on in front of him. He had started rolling up a sleeve. How he ever managed to do so, with those claws of his on, Stan had always wondered. His eyes wandered along the doctor’s exposed arm, pale and supple, a light pink dusting the exposed skin. It had been a while since the two of them had time to just take a stroll together. A soft breeze ruffled the doctor’s pompadour, loosening a strand and two. His collar moved in the wind, and Stan stole a glance at the skin peaking out from under the doctor’s shirt collar, which he had unbuttoned just moments before. 

With both his sleeves rolled up, Xeno returned to his brisk walk, hands at his side. Hands just swaying next to his body. Relaxed. Unbothered. Untouched. 

There was no one around. Surely Stan could reach over and hold his hand. 

Come on Stan, it’s not rocket science. You literally had sex with the man two nights ago. It’s not like you have to fly the Apollo capsule to the moon and back. 

“I wonder what’s wrong with the tractor. I can hear its rumble even from here.” 

“Huh?” Stan had been too caught up in his thoughts. The fact that they were supposed to be tracking the tractor and its occupants had gone from his mind completely. “Oh yeah, tractor. Track. Right.” 

“Maybe the catalytic converter is bust.” Xeno raised a hand, fingers crisscrossed in an X, his thinking mode on. “I just can’t seem to get it right. Remind me to talk to Brody about this when we get back.”

“Eh, don’t be too hard on yourself, Doc.” Stan stretched his arms and overlapped his palms on his head. “The fact that we even have tractors in this Shit Age World is a feat in itself.”

”Ha, Shit Age… Stanley Snyder, someone needs to wash your mouth out with soap.” Xeno shot him a pointed look but not without an amused smirk, his walk still at a brisk pace.

”Sure, you would know, wouldn’t you Doc?” Stan raised an eyebrow, having his fun challenging the doctor. 

“I have a mental list of all the things that have been in your mouth, dear.” The ground crunched beneath both their boots. “Mostly fags… and a fag.” 

Stan snorted. 

They reached the pond, and Stan watched as a frog leaped into it at their arrival, breaking the water’s surface and causing ripples to spread across. There were a pair of geese on its far side. Stan thanked the universe that he was nowhere near them. 

“Well, we made it to the pond. Now we just need to get up to the lookout post for a good advantage point and spy on them.”

”You mean to conduct some decent observation.” Xeno emphasized the last two words by standing up straight as a rod, both hands on his hips, beaming at the commander. 

Stan turned to face his partner-in-crime, face blank and shoulders slacking. “You mean snoop on them like a pair of Peeping Toms? Yeah sure, call it research if it helps you sleep better at night.”  

“Hey, I will have you know I sleep like a baby every night. Under our three thousand count organic cotton sheets and hand-plucked goose down pillows.” 

Stan shot the geese another look, making sure they were out of earshot. Once he had again confirmed for certain those darn geese were far away enough, he snorted, “Sure you do, babe. Sleep like a baby snoring through the night.” He braced himself for whatever Xeno was about to retort with. 

It never came.

”Wait. The rumble is getting louder.” Xeno instinctively held out a hand towards Stan, halting the other’s response. 

Stan watched as the ripples on the pond grew in size, waves breaking into each other and creating more and newer subsequent waves. 

Now, it would not have been a problem if they were on the lookout tower already. Heck, even if they were just a teeny tiny bit early or late, they could have ducked into the endless row of corn lining either side of the road. 

The one road next to a decently sized pond. With nothing else besides it. 

If Stan had been paying any more than the morsel of attention he could have spared, he might have picked up on the rumble earlier, or Maya’s chicken screeching that she called singing. The effects of infatuation truly were a wonder, the commander thought to himself, at the same time he met Xeno’s eyes. He knew what he had to do. 

It seemed like Xeno also knew what he had to do, or what he was about to do, given the doctor’s weak whine of “Noooooooooo….” trailing off into the cultivated cornfields, across the barbed perimeter fence, and into the untamed wilderness beyond. 

Between the split second the tractor came rumbling down the section of road they were on, Stan grabbed Xeno’s outstretched arm, and yanked him into the pond. Xeno was right, the tractor was indeed quite loud, because the two occupants of the vehicle had not even spared a glance in their direction, the resulting splash from their daring escape unnoticed under all the deep rumbling from the tractor. 

Xeno nagged all the way back to the castle. Stan had spent the first half of their walk back blissfully ignorant, due to the water in his ears. But alas, they had dried out by the time they were past the barn. They were still soaking wet by the time they trudged back to the castle doors. 

“Yo, look at you two wet birds.” Speak of the devil, Stan thought. Of course Maya would be the one to call them out for their current sad state of affairs. 

“Where were you two?” Charlotte joined in. 

“You guys take a skinny dip in the pond together?” As expected, Brody would be there as well. Not like he had a whole list of machines to build in the basement workshop. 

”What you guys do? Rub each other out in a wet and moist embrace?” 

“Ew Maya, stop. The word.” Charlotte grimaced, only to be met with a barrage of “Moist, moist, moist, moist, moist, moist, moist, moist” in a singsong mock-singing along to the tunes of Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Doe by Maya, the songstress of the New American colony. 

“Maybe they did a Submarine.”

”What’s a Submarine?” 

“You don’t know what a Submarine is? Amateur. Bet you also don’t know what a Titanic is.”

”Fuck off, now you’re just making shit up.” 

Stan decided it was easier to answer all the noise with rolling his eyes. 

The laughter and the commotion gradually died down, until there was an eerie silence that fell upon the group. It was not that they had run out of things to joke about. Rather, they were waiting for a certain individual to put in his two cents.

Xeno must have noticed the lack of noise, for he raised his head gradually. Under the careful and watchful eyes of all present, he brought his hands together, and delicately started peeling off the gloves plastered tight on his skin.

Oh shit, he’s not used to our dumbass jokes in the military, Stan froze. These jackasses are gonna ruin everything for me.

Xeno made sure to sweep his gaze across all three members that had greeted them, looking into their eyes. His own were unreadable. He paused for maximum dramatic effect, brows knitted and face sullen, before saying — 

”Actually if we were skinny dipping, our clothes wouldn’t be… moist.” He piped up, successfully taking off both gloves and twisting them like a rag to squeeze out the excess water. It made an unceremoniously loud squelching sound at the word ‘moist’. 

The good doctor didn’t stop there. “Although I’m sure with Stan’s core strength, he could muster both the Submarine and the Titanic.” He slapped the gloves on his thigh, removing the last dregs of stubborn moisture. “He’d last for at least… five minutes underwater as per my professional estimation.” 

Of course Xeno would top off the last sentence with a wink. 

Brody let out a hearty howl, and Maya hooted as she elbowed Charlotte, who seemed to be giggling herself. 

Goodbye cool, aloft, badass impression he had spent the past decade honing as Squadron Captain. 

Data Collection Attempt 3: Failed

x x x x x

The frantic knock on Stan’s door could only mean one thing, or rather, one person. It was O seven hundred in the morning. The castle was still quiet, but Xeno Houston Wingfield had appeared at his door, hair already neatly done up and coat collar crisp. 

Stan, on the other hand, had just woken up. He had not even had the time nor energy to throw on a shirt. Something he was made fully aware of, as he noticed the heated gaze Xeno was raking across his shirtless top. Stan stood in the doorway and shuffled on his feet, before deciding to put weight on one foot, and rested a hand on the doorframe. 

“I heard a commotion from my room upstairs. Two female voices from Maya’s room. I figured it would be clearer from your room since it’s next to theirs.” Xeno pushed Stan aside, forcing his way into his room. His nose crinkled at the stale air in the room. 

“Come on right in… make yourself at home,” Stan uttered under his breath, following Xeno to the window. 

Xeno threw open the curtains, putting all his weight on the window handle. It was a futile attempt, for the handle stubbornly refused to budge. Not even an inch.

“Yeah, about that… My window’s still stuck.” Stan scratched at his neck.

”Have you not gotten around to fixing it? No wonder it stinks like poisonous gas in here.” Xeno ranted. 

Stan ran a hand across his face, trying his best to rub away the sleep in his face. He had come back late from last night’s patrol. He knew the doctor was already deep asleep, hence him taking his room instead. Technically Stan had used his room mostly for smoking in the past, but with the window locked, he had resigned to his poisonous gaseous activities at other various locations around the castle. Not that anyone had dared to snitch to the doctor. His room could have smelt worse. 

“Nah. Been busy with the stuff on your list.” Everything on Xeno’s list came first, not because Xeno needed it, but because Stan wanted to.  

Xeno heard well enough. He looked back at Stan, clawed and gloved hands on his hips. He was softly backlit from the rising summer sun, hair neatly done and not a single strand out of place. His face might have been covered in shadow, but Stan knew, oh he could feel it from where he stood. 

Smug, Xeno looked smug.

“If you’re desperate, you can listen to them outside their room.” Stan ruffled his hair, still tousled from sleep. His bangs fell across his face, and he felt a bit more himself, given the circumstances. 

“Good idea. Come along then.” Xeno ordered, tugging Stan’s arm and leading him back out of the room.

The two men stood outside Maya’s room, which was right next to Stan’s. Xeno had gone ahead and pressed an ear to the door. Stan had reluctantly done the same as well, right next to him. 

Shirtless in the hallway and sniffing door lacquer, what a wonderful way to start the morning, Stan mused. 

There was a screech of a chair being dragged across the stone floor, and two voices gradually grew louder. 

“Fuck. They’re coming out.” 

Perhaps the universe was listening to his prayers, because fortunately for the both of them, the wooden door decided to stick at that moment. Curses could be heard on the other side of the door, and Stan had just about enough time to grab Xeno by the waist and yank him into the broom closet across the hallway. Xeno yelped in protest, but still allowed himself to be manhandled by the stronger man. 

Praise Xeno for brooms and small rooms, the thought immediately sprang in Stan’s mind, although the irony was not lost on him, as he frantically stuffed Xeno into the small space, and jumped in himself, before closing the door as silently as he could manage. 

The door on the other side of the hallway finally burst open, in what seemed to be from Maya slamming herself with her full body weight into it. Stan made a mental note to do maintenance on the hinges later in the week. If she ever mentioned it to him. 

The two of them stood in silence, bodies pressed against each other in the darkness. Xeno had his gloved claws both shoved right up against Stan’s chest. 

What an absolute shame, he just had to be wearing his damn gloves, Stan lamented in his thoughts. 

He could hear Xeno’s breathing, all shallow and quick. 

He could feel Xeno’s breathing, all hot and bothered. 

Hey, maybe it isn’t so bad being back in the closet. Stan would have chuckled at his very smart joke, if he wasn’t afraid of being overheard by Charlotte and Maya. They waited for a good five minutes, neither willing to break the silence that promised their safety. Until Stan decided he had enough. 

“Hey, you reckon the coast is clear?”

”I suppose so. I cannot imagine why they would be standing in the hallway, motionless and speechless.” 

“Unless they were onto us.” Stan considered. 

“Correct. You are technically correct.” Xeno whispered, breath warm on Stan. His claws were beginning to dig into Stan’s chest. As much as Stan enjoyed having Xeno’s face and limbs mashed into his center, he decided that all good things must somehow come to an end. Or else the good things would start to become un-good things. 

He turned the doorknob and they spilled out into the hallway. It was empty besides two sweaty and flustered men. A few more minutes passed, as the pair caught their breath, trying their best to calm their racing hearts. 

Xeno was the one who spoke up first. “I’m going to call it.” He announced, eyes lowered and voice small. A hint of defeat in his voice. 

“You sure Doc? We can still do a bit more observing. Still got time.”

“No, no.” Xeno paused, setting his mind on his decision. “Part of being a good scientist is knowing when the data is conclusive. Or in this case, inconclusive.” He patted Stan on the back, heaving a long and loud sigh out. His shoulders slumped from the weight of the sigh. 

“Sorry man, our first post-petrification experimental failure. Don’t take it too hard.” Stan returned the gesture and ran his hand down Xeno’s arm. A reassuring action, he was always told. 

Somehow, he personally wasn’t feeling too bummed about any of this.

Three thousand and seven hundred or so years was not long enough for him to forget some key memories. 

“Hey…… remember our first kiss in school?” Stan spoke up, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Of course. It happened in a similar place like this broom closet.” Xeno patted his coat. “Have you been thinking about it?” His eyes darted from the floor to the walls, looking anywhere but at Stan. 

“Never stopped thinking about you all these three thousand and seven hundred plus years.” This was a fact Stan knew for certain. A truth that he wasn’t afraid to admit. An admission that never failed to make him feel warm and content. 

Xeno raised a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. His normally pale cheeks were flushed. 

“Is that what you were thinking to pass the time?” Xeno finally settled on saying. 

“It was.”

“Now you’ve got me embarrassed to admit what I was doing.”

“What were you doing?” Stan pressed, curiosity rising. 

“Counting. I was counting.”

“What? Like one, two, three…?”

“Yeah, exactly that.” The scientist paused before adding, “And thinking of corn.”

Stan found a laugh bursting out from his lips. Of course the nerd would be doing so. His nerd. 

Xeno watched him quietly, as Stan’s laughter gradually softened. 

“Hey Xeno…” Stan found himself saying. 

”Yes, Stan?” 

“This was fun. Kinda felt like we were kids again. Trying to figure things out together.” Stan found himself smiling, hands twisted around each other behind his back. 

The hallway was deserted and bare. No one would be passing this way, Stan was sure of it. He moved towards Xeno, sandwiching the doctor between the wall and himself. Feeling emboldened, Stan rested his arm against the wall, further enclosing Xeno. 

His own heartbeat felt increasingly noticeable, and he could feel the rush of blood in his ears. He swept his gaze from Xeno’s forehead, the X imprint as dark as night, just like his eyes. His gaze roamed, resting on his best friend’s eyes. Had they always looked so endless and distant? So many things he wanted to say out loud, to make sure Xeno knew how he felt. 

He settled on something — anything to say. 

“You’re always so far ahead, sometimes I feel like you don’t need me.” Stan whispered, words meant only for the man in front of him. 

Xeno stared back at him with those beautiful dark eyes of his. 

And frowned. 

“Excuse me Stan, but in what universe? I’ve always needed you. You’re my soldier, my knight, my partner-in-crime, my action-in-plan. I want you to know this, Stanley Snyder,” Xeno moved closer, sure of himself. “I’ve always needed you and I always will.” 

And that was Xeno Houston Wingfield, the man who had enough faith for both himself and Stanley Snyder. 

The moment was perfect and Stan knew it. The distance Xeno had left between them on purpose, the space he reserved for Stan’s answer — Stan closed. Xeno’s lips were soft and warm, just like how he always made Stan feel. 

The world could encase itself in stone, buildings could fall, and civilization could waste and crumble into oblivion in the next second. But for Stanley Snyder, Commander-in-Chief of the New American colony, everything would still be alright. 

x x x x x

The sound of footsteps grew louder down the hallway, before suddenly halting. 

If either of the two men were paying attention, they would have caught a “Oh shit. Back up, back up.” 

Maya whispered urgently, while holding onto the sleeve of the lady next to her. Charlotte on the other hand, did not seem too fussed. All she did was raise an eyebrow before muttering nonchalantly, “I told you they were fucking.” 

The two ladies backtracked their steps, lips zipped, and only after turning the corner did they dare continue their conversation. 

Charlotte stared ahead, eyes blank and face expressionless. Unblinking and voice as strong as steel, she finally spoke up again, “Now pay up.”

Maya whined, arms wide open and gesturing frantically, as if the more she waved, the more it would influence Charlotte to reconsider. She had no such luck unfortunately. “Urgh. Fine.” Maya rummaged around in her pocket, and proceeded to hand Charlotte two eggs.

“We said three.” Charlotte stated, matter-of-factly. 

Maya looked at the walls, doing her best to avoid her glare. “I don’t have three. Broke one this morning.”

“Nuh uh, you ate it.” 

“I did not.”

Charlotte shook her head and pocketed the two eggs in a pouch on her hip. Their footsteps echoed down the empty hallway, none of them saying anything. It seemed like the right thing to do, if one should find their President and Commander-in-Chief caught in the act. 

Even if it was only just first base. 

The silence stretched on, until Maya had enough and decided to break the tension. 

“Hey, do you think they’re just dating or married?”

Charlotte frowned, it felt wrong and disrespectful to speculate on the Captain’s relationship. Surely if he wanted them to know, he would have mentioned it at least once. Dropped a hint here or there. But she couldn’t deny it, the temptation to speculate was too great. Life at the castle was comfortable, which also meant on good days, it was boring A.F.. One time, they had spent the morning taking shots out of their mugs whenever the doctor had said the word ‘elegant’. Brody had come out of that incident absolutely shitfaced by O nine hundred hours. 

She caved. 

“How would you even tell?” She mumbled, afraid someone would overhear her. 

Maya tapped her fingers together, “I dunno. I guess married people tend to have a calm about them?” She paused, the tapping now the only sound besides their footsteps, before continuing, “Then again, they seem like the batshit kind of couple no matter marriage or no marriage.” 

Charlotte turned to face Maya, considering her words. “Huh. I bet they’re married. Guess one way to find out.”

Maya grinned and offered, “Five eggs?”

“Six if I win, five if you win. Cause you still owe me one.” Charlotte pointed at Maya accusingly, having been cheated in their previous bet. She shook her head and muttered under her breath, “Doc really needs to start printing money again.”

“Yeah maybe suggest that when he’s not busy eating the cap’s face.” Speaking of faces, Maya had a shit-eating grin plastered on her own. 

“Hey Char…”

”Yeah?” Charlotte knew she was going to regret asking. 

“Wonder what else he’s eating.”

“EW. Do not put that image into my mind.”

The Hypothesis: Charlotte and Maya are a couple — 

Rejected due to lack of evidence