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Everything in Puck’s life comes down to sex or violence. It’s what has made him, and who he’ll always be. Puck has to own that, the same way Mercedes owns being black in a school of maybe ten black people, and Jacob ben Israel owns being a creepy mouth breather. It’s hard to have hopes and dreams about violence. Violence is something that just sort of happens. So when Bryan Ryan tells them to write down their dreams Puck thinks sex, and then thinks threesome, because who doesn’t want that?
The next thing Bryan Ryan’s going to say will be about how to take steps to go in that direction. Puck’s first step to a threesome would be to ask Santana and Brittany. Probably his last step, too. Puck’s had sex with Santana. He’s had sex with Brittany. They’ve had sex with each other. They even take bribes from boys to fool around with each other in front of them.
He’ll follow the same rules that they have for hooking up with them individually. He’ll take them to Breadstix. They’ll sit in their usual booth, the one furthest away from the flickering fluorescent light that pisses off Santana and makes Brittany zone out. They’ll order their usual meal. What will be different is when Puck kicks off his shoes and rubs both of his ankles up their legs, up their thighs. Some people are ambidextrous, Puck’s one better. He can use his feet like normal people can use their hands. He’ll make it impossible to enter Breadstix without thinking about him.
But he’s supposed to be dreaming big. And if he’s dreaming big he might as well imagine Rachel and Quinn in his bed. They wouldn’t hate each other, not in bed.
No, fuck beds. Puck can do better than a bed. When he and Rachel and Quinn fuck they’ll do it on a stage, all the lights burning a million watts over them. Without makeup they’ll look washed out. They’ll be covered in flaws, not just Quinn thinking she’s fat or Rachel thinking her boobs are small. But they’ll be beautiful too. Their pale skin will stand out against the black frequently scuffed floor.
If Puck’s dreaming insanely big, and is being honest with himself, he’d want to have a threesome with Quinn and Finn. It couldn’t be now, when Finn hates him and Quinn thinks he’s useless. But if he could travel back in time, to before Quinn got pregnant... Maybe even the night it happened. Puck could bring Finn into Quinn’s room and the big lummox could tell Quinn with words she isn’t fat instead of Puck resorting to alcohol to make her stop staring at the mirrors covering her closet doors. Puck will agree with every fumbled sentence of Finn’s. Quinn will start kissing him, then Finn.
They won’t fuck. Not without a condom, not this time. They’ll just sit and touch and kiss. At first they’ll all be clothed, and the kissing will be strictly the two of them passing Quinn back and forth, the boy with the free mouth saying nice things. But soon enough the big crucified Jesus hanging on the wall will stop staring at Quinn and become just another decoration. She’ll start feeling good, good enough to take her clothes off. Good enough to tell them to take off theirs.
Soon after that Finn will stop nervously fiddling with the stuffed animals lined against the headboard. He’ll overcome his guilt, just like Quinn did. When Quinn pulls back from Puck and begins to twist to face Finn again, her firm breasts barely moving, Finn will stretch forward with a burst of courage and kiss Puck instead of her. And Quinn won’t say any of the barbs she might have in her head, because for this one evening this one pocket of the Fabray mansion will be nice, will be kind, won’t be full of shame and unattainable ideals.
Brittany and Mike Puck’d bring to a place he’s never actually seen in real life. It will be kind of like a baby gym, except nothing to do with kids because that’s fuckin’ gross. But the space will be all plastic covered foam wedges and cubes and spheres. He’ll stand back as Mike and Brittany flutter through pieces, setting up things exactly like they want them. Finally they’ll position him, maybe around the round edge of a half circle. He’ll be just another prop for them. Once the room is set they’ll get naked without a hint of shyness. Dancers never seem to be shy about showing the vast expanses of their skin.
It will be like a dance. Brittany spiraling and Mike squatting, hands twisting and legs extending. The room they’ve set up will always allow for another configuration. Puck will penetrate and be penetrated a dozen times as they move between positions. Then they’ll come and collapse like marionettes with strings cut, and the ceiling will fall down on them like a curtain coming down.
An almost incestuous threesome would be Kurt and Finn. They’re not brothers, not yet. But it doesn’t take a genius to know they will be, some day. They could do it in their shared bedroom. It will probably be at Kurt’s house, because while Puck’s never seen the inside of Kurt’s house, the size of it is bigger than the Hudson’s. Still small enough for shared rooms though.
They’ll share him too. Finn will make Puck suck his dick while Kurt fucks his ass. Kurt would be happy at either end, but Finn will insist blowjows are straighter than anal.
Another all guy option would be hooking up with Kurt and Matt. It’s a lot more plausible than Finn, anyway. Matt is the most ridiculously go with the flow guy Puck’s ever met. Puck’s known him for five years, and he can’t think of a single time something was suggested to the guy that he said no to, up to and including agreeing to join a club that would make the rest of the school hate him. That quality is what would make it so easy to be kinky. As long as Puck could get Kurt on board, Matt wouldn’t even be a question.
They’ll fuck at the mall. It’ll be a place to meet that no one will question. Kurt will have been trying on clothing all day, frustrated that nothing quite works. Puck will suggest relieving tension through sex. Matt will agree. Puck will suggest the bathroom, and Matt will agree. Kurt will get paranoid about how loud they’re being, that their moans are bouncing off the graffitied metal stall walls, but the muzak will drown out any sound attempting to leave the bathroom. When they’re done they’ll go to Orange Julius to get the taste of come out of their throats, and then they’ll break apart, Kurt to go to yet another clothing store, Puck to go to Lush to get that badass shampoo for his ‘hawk, and Matt to go to EB Games.
Really, the possibilities are endless. Puck can’t really think of two people in Glee he wouldn’t hook up with. Maybe it’s not what Mr Ryan means by biggest dream, but it’s what he’s got.