Work Text:
So this is just a thought I had, I am wondering how I should handle one shots like this. Upload them all into one folder or just upload them separately. Well I would like to say that this is the start of something, not ENTIRELY kinky, but more so suggestive and comedic. Let me know what you guys think of this in the comments bellow and if I should continue writing one shots like this.
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Like Father Like Son
August 3rd 2025
Exorcist Headquarters, Diligence
2:32 AM
Lute was pissed as she walked down the hallway that led to Abel's bedroom, as if it wasn't bad enough that she wasn't put in charge, but now she had to deal with this bullshit. Exorcists kept playing hooky in the middle of the night and if that alone wasn't bad enough they would come back before sunrise the next day utterly exhausted and giggly. To make matters worse whenever he brought this up to Abel he brushed her off saying how they can afford to be less strict on the girls and how there isn't any real worry to be had there. The thought of that made Lute grit her teeth, insubordination shouldn't be tolerated, if Adam were still here Hell would be begging on their knees for mercy she would not be willing to give.
"Those fucking deserters..." Lute grumbled to herself as she walked down the hallway leading to Abel's bedroom.
"What's up Danger Tits?" Adam, or at least Lute's psychosis in the form of the First Man, said floating aside her.
Lute sighed in relief.
"Oh thank God you're here Adam. Everything's fucked." Lute bemoaned.
"Seriously? What happened this time?" Adam asked with a knowing smirk.
"A bunch of those skanks we call soldiers are sneaking out in the middle of the night and coming back dazed and exhausted." Lute growled out as she kept walking.
"Damn! Those sluts must REALLY wanna get on your bad side! How's the cream pie disappointment handling this?" Adam asked, flying next to her.
"Uck, don't even get me started." Lute said.
"Yeah?" Adam goaded her on.
"Hmph... Oh are you feeling too hot? Here, lemme get you some lemonade for your thirsty bitch ass!" Lute did in her best Abel impression, crossing her eyes and talking like an idiot.
"Hah!!! He does sound that stupid! Do more!" Adam laughed.
"Would you like some chamomile? It soothes the soul!..."
"Hahahahaha!!!..."
"Saint Peter invited me to try out some yoga, maybe we can incorporate that into the exercise regimen!..."
"Hahaahahahahaha!!!!!...."
"Awww did you get a widdle boo boo, maybe I can get you a Band-Aid. Would you like the puppies or the kitties?!..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!...."
"I'm Abel!!! I wear a dress because I'm not a-"
"LUTE..."
Lute froze mid insult, Adam shut up as well as Lute turned her head over. At the door was Abel, Adam's son and captain of the Exorcists, the man who she was just insulting. Insulting him never bothered Lute before, she did it to his face this morning over oatmeal, but the way Abel looked at her made her pause. Abel's hair was even more of a bird's nest than usual and his eyes, usually dazed and half-lidded, were bagged and boring straight into her under the yellow glow of his dented halo. What made Lute pause, however, was the state of dress that Abel was in. He wore nothing but a baggy pair of boxers that looked as if they were barely clinging to his fat body, the plump son of the first man was the butt of many fat jokes Lute made behind his back but to see him in such a revealing state made her throat dry. His arms were crossed over his bosom, which were bigger than some of the girls in the Exorcist's dorms, resting on top of a belly that stuck out a foot or so from his back and looked like it was going to fold in on itself like a tidal wave if he ate any more pastries. Like Adam, Abel had hair on his belly, arms, and legs but it looked to be properly maintained and regularly trimmed.
"Since when did Abel look so much like Adam?" Lute thought to herself, not taking her eyes off his belly.
"Lute, I asked you a question."
"Huh?" Was the only answer Lute could provide as she looked back up at Abel's disapproving face.
"I asked why did you wake me up in the middle of the night?" Abel said coldly, too exhausted to deflect like usual.
Lute straightened herself up and folded her hands behind her back.
"Abel we need to talk-" Lute started.
"That's SIR to you Lieutenant." Abel returned flatly.
"You never fucking talk to me like that-" Lute said, stunned.
"You never wake me up at three in the damn morning, so what the FUCK is so important for you to do this?" Abel asked, loosing what little patience he had left.
Lute paused as Adam whistled.
"S-Sir..." Lute said, testing out her "pet name" for Adam on his son.
"There are five Exorcists unaccounted for in their bunks. We need to lock the facility up and discipline them tomorrow morning."
"OhmyfuckingGod..." Abel said, bridging his nose exasperated.
"Lute, I DON'T care. Go to bed and I'll-"
"Abel? Come back to bed~..." A feminine voice called out from Abel's bedroom.
Abel stiffened up and Lute's eyes widened in realization. She shoved Abel out of the way and flicked on a light switch. The ceiling fan above Abel's bed turned on and brightened up the room, there on Abel's California-sized bed were the five Exorcists Lute had counted as missing. All five of them were awoken by the light turning on and the one who had called out was startled by Lute's presence, the taupe-skinned exorcist who bore a striking resemblance to Vagina covered her bare chest as she scrambled to grab her uniform as the other four woke up. The four exorcists were all undressed as they grumbled and tried to get out of the bed.
"What the FUCK?!!!" Lute yelled in shock.
"What the FUCK?!!!" Adam yelled in sync.
Abel sighed as the five women got up out of bed and stretched, he walked over and patted one of the missing Exorcists on the back as she slipped her uniform back on.
"Sorry about this Ariel." Abel said to the ash-skinned Exorcist with curly hair.
"It's no problem Abel baby, Lute just wouldn't know decency if it slapped her in the face." The Black-coded Exorcist said in a thick African American accent.
"Ariel?! That's Areola you-" Lute started but Abel jammed a finger on her lips.
"I will NOT have you deadnaming your fellow soldiers Lute. It's 2025 AD." Abel said bluntly.
"Your dad named her!!! Clit, Anus back me up here." Lute ordered.
"Uhm, I don't really LIKE the name Anus... I go by Anise now." A glasses wearing light grey exorcist said with a Korean accent.
"Yeah. And it's KATE." A porcelain exorcist with her hair shaved into a mohawk said in a blunt British accent.
"What?!" Lute asked in shock.
One of the exorcists bent over and grabbed a half-eaten bag of cheese puffs, she stuck her hand in and ate some. Lute slapped the bag out of her smoke grey hands.
"We need to be a precise well oiled machine! No junk food Melons!..." Lute said glaring.
One dark grey exorcist bent over to pick up a bong that was on the floor, Lute smacked it out of her hands, shattering it.
"No drugs Slut!..." Lute yelled, getting angrier.
Another porcelain exorcist was brushing her long silver hair. Lute grabbed it and pulled it back, ready to cut it off herself.
"And NO hair longer than five inches Bimbo! Just as Adam demanded!!!" She yelled at the rebellious Exorcists.
Abel pulled her back and looked down at her sternly.
"First off: No junk food, Melony. No drugs, Sloan. And no hair longer than five inches, Bindi. Secondly, those rules don't matter anymore. We aren't at war and we wear helmets in battle so why is hair length a concern?" Abel asked Lute.
"Concern!?! I'll tell you what's the concern! You're making them soft!!!" Lute yelled out in frustration.
"Yeah!!!" Adam cheered Lute on.
"Oh he's making us something alright~..." Sloan said as she grinned at Lute.
Lute was very confused, bewildered even, until she got a better look at the room. The room was clean, at least when compared to Adam's old room, but it had stuff knocked over and underwear flung about. The uniforms were also on the floor as well, as if they were cast off of themselves. Abel, who wore full bodied clothing answered the door in his boxers, as if he hadn't slept in a night gown or something...
"...NO WAY!!!..." Adam said in shock and glee.
"...You got to be fucking kidding me." Lute said, stunned.
Ariel nodded as she walked up to Abel and caressed his thigh.
"He might look soft on the outside but he outclasses Adam where it counts." Ariel said as she nestled her head into his shoulder.
"What? His cock?" Lute asked, glaring at the treachery in front of her.
"...Well, that too." Ariel confessed, the others nodded in agreement.
"But I'm talking about his HEART. Unlike Adam, Abel actually cares." Ariel said, hugging Abel from behind making him smile.
"Aww that's so sweet... not a high bar to set, but still very sweet." Abel said holding her hand.
"You swore an oath to Adam!!! We ALL did!!!...." Lute said angrily
"I mean, maybe we did. But it isn't like he's here anymore." Melony said, eating a bag of chips.
"Abel let us change our names from those perverted titles we were born with." Sloan said coolly.
"He also knows how to pleasure a woman..." Anise confessed quietly.
The other 4 Exorcists nodded and commented on that fact while Abel held his face in his hands blushing. Lute's eye twitched in shock and desperation as she looked around for Adam.
"...Adam! Back me up here!!!..." Lute said angrily.
"My son is no longer a Virgin..." Adam said quietly.
Adam looked at peace as he floated upwards, never to be seen again.
"...A-Adam?..." Lute asked, freaking out as she felt alone.
A hand was placed on her shoulder, Lute flinched as Abel looked at her with pity and concern in his eyes. The next thing that Lute knew, she was admitted into a psychiatric facility reserved for soldiers who died on Earth and needed therapy before integrating into Heaven properly. Abel continued helping the Exorcists become who they wanted to be. Meanwhile if Adam was listening he knows that he would be proud of his son, not for being a pussyfooted bitch who softened up everyone, but because he was a FAR superior lovemaker...