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Jay is leaving. Chip doesn’t know how to handle this. He can’t feel, truly feel, anymore…but he knows, he knows that he feels…sad. And as much as he hates it, he’s scared. He can’t lose her. If she’s gone, she’s really gone. Chip could…forget.
Chip pulls Jay aside, away from the now-split crew murmuring goodbyes to those planning to leave and the ones playing to stay. To plunge into that hole in the sea. The ones Chip couldn’t help but feel that he was dooming, despite their insistence on staying.
He turns and looks at Jay. She looks…conflicted. And afraid. Chip knows she’s brave, knows she’s strong, but he can’t help but feel scared, too. As much as he jokes, Jay is their rock. She keeps the crew grounded, navigates them through literally the darkest waters in the world.
The ship creaks, the lack of distant seagulls and salty breezes strengthening the permeating dread. Chip looks in Jay’s eyes and finally lets a thought he had been suppressing crawl to the surface of his mind; What if this was the last time he ever saw her? And even worse, what if he tried to remember after she was gone, try to remember this moment, and it’s nothing? What if he doesn’t remember everything they’ve gone through together, her sister, her father, the help her mother gave them when Gillion was cursed? What if they make it out of the black sea, get to Shadowbeard’s island, and see her dead…and Chip doesn’t even remember who he’s looking at?
His mind races with scenarios where one of them doesn’t make it back. Gillion stays in that hole, Jay comes looking for them after everything and joins them in a watery grave, even the possibility that every captain survives but their crew falls. If Chip had to breathe, he knows he’d be hyperventilating. He misses the tears that would sting his eyes, the rough wood against his back at he attempted to ground himself in a panic attack, but more than anything, he missed being able to feel Jay and Gillion’s comforting warmth to pull him out of his head, whether it was a hug, hands holding his face, or just a simple shoulder squeeze. He fucking misses it.
Chip’s train of thought is cut off by a tight hug from Jay. He shakily puts his hands around her waist, before strengthening his grip and holding her tightly. He’s not sure who’s shaking, or who needed this hug more.
Despite the strange chill that comes with being undead, Chip can almost feel the heat of the hug, of Jay’s still-beating heart. He clings on, wishing she would stay, wishing that everything could go right. He knows he’s not that lucky.
“I hope we’re making the right choice.” Jay whispers next to his ear. “I don’t know if I can take another bad call. What if I fuck this one up too?”
Chip just holds her tighter. It’s his turn to comfort her. “Then it’s a bad call. We learn from it. If we did nothing…it would be worse. If we made it out of the hole and Lizzie was dead, because none of us were there. And, Jay…”
Chip pulls back and holds her at an arms length. He sees tears in her eyes. “It’s not all on you. We’re captains, we’re in this together. We all made this decision.” Chip attempts to reassure her, but it’s not really his strong suit. He’s barely holding it together right now, desperately trying to remember the details of Jay. How she’s always been the family he never got the chance to have. How she’s knocked sense into him when he’s being stupid, how she’s comforted him on the worst days. Even the dumbest moments when they got drunk together after freeing a town, or every time one of them dressed as the others’ grandma.
Jay swallows and nods, breaking eye contact. Chip wishes she didn’t, just so he could look again and remember, remember, remember her amber and blue eyes. Chip, almost unconsciously, feels his mouth open, his voice coming out quiet. “I’m scared I’m going to forget. I’m scared that the best case scenario is that we all live, and I forget who you are, forget everything that happened. I’m fucking…scared.”
Chip feels the weight of vulnerability hit him at his admittance, watching as Jay looked back up at him. She cracks a watery smile. “You won’t forget me that easily. Don’t forget, I’m the most wanted riptide pirate on the albatross.” Her smile drops as she grows serious. “Trust me. Gillion won’t let you forget. He won’t let you fall. We’re in this together, just like you said.”
Chip feels himself grow emotional, tears he can never shed never dripping down his cheeks. “I love you, Jay.” Jay’s lip trembles as a tear slides down. “Love you too.“
Jay grabs his hand and squeezes as the crew finishes their goodbyes. They all look at each other, faces with so many histories behind them, unfinished stories and unsung victories yet to be had.
They all look at each other and remember.