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Caleb wakes up in his room. The same room from the home he grew up in.
The bed underneath his back feels like home. The familiar, nostalgic surroundings feel like home. It even smells, irrevocably, like home. But he knows it's not—because he was just on a protofield seconds ago.
So before he gets too comfortable, he immediately pushes himself up, his senses on high alert. He assesses the situation, trying to reach for aid only to find his connection has been cut off from the real world.
The hold on his gun grows a little bit tighter, the sound of his leather glove squeaking as his fist clenches around the grip with no chances of letting go. His frown deepens. His eyes turn dark.
What kind of sick joke is this?
Caleb is in a situation where even his past is now an unknown subject to him. And he is forced to tread carefully in his own home; through the hallways where it was him who painted these walls, down the stairs where he knows which steps still creak, over to the living room where he remembers watching old shows with his sister.
And across to the dining table, where he's spent most of his youth assembling model airplanes—he suddenly finds himself before him.
Not a mirrored reflection, but a…clone, more like.
"...?"
This Caleb is yet another fragment of the past. It's the version of him that dons the DAA jacket out of requirement, pride, and mostly nonchalance. He clips on a tiny piece of the model he's mostly finished assembling, not bothering to even look up at the intruder that's invited himself into his home. At the brooding, black uniformed man, with a military title and wanderer blood splattered on his face. Whose original home is long gone, now replaced with a model he likes to pretend is still the same.
With silence, thick and full of tension, brewing steadfastly between them, it starts to beg the question on which Caleb is the real one. Is it the Caleb who's been keeping his feelings locked away from his little sister, or the Caleb who now has metal for a limb and a chipped brain for a restraint?
Except the colonel doesn't need to know the answer for that. It's useless trivia. He's more keen on knowing which Caleb deserves her—which Caleb has the right to break out of this illusion and return back to a world where she's around, instead of this deathly silence filling in the void of her.
And if he has to put his gun point blank at the version of him that's dead, just to prove something, then he'll have no hesitation in pulling the trigger either to confirm it.
The DAA pilot calmly places down the finished plane model on the wooden table, before looking up at the colonel, putting on a small—mocking—smile. "Killing me won't get you out of here."
When the colonel doesn't bother with a reply, he simply chuckles before continuing. "I know. You're thinking whether I actually have an idea or if I'm just spewing bullshit to waste your time." He's rolling his shoulders back, cracking his neck side to side, sliding back against the chair with his hands in between his open legs—looking very much like a criminal being interrogated. "But it also depends on you if you wanna trust little ol' me or not."
"It's just your luck that the wanderer you fought earlier also happens to have the ability to drag you down into your deepest feelings. Which, in this case, is tied to me." The pilot says, shrewd. "So it means...the only reason I'm here is because of you manifesting me here."
The colonel's gun clicks. His finger flicks the safety off. That's as far of a reply that the pilot's gonna get.
Caleb breaks into a short chuckle then, seemingly exasperated. "Maybe if you actually talked to me, I would give a clue that's somewhat useful to you."
The colonel's jaw ticks in annoyance.
In a split second he points his gun at the wall behind the other and shoots without pause, letting the bullet leave its mark on the painted surface.
"I don't want 'somewhat'," he finally answers, voice low and unforgiving. "I don't want to have to beg for it either."
When the gun points back at him, Caleb ultimately sighs in what appears to be resignation. "Fine."
He gets himself comfortable, composed and collected. Much like a ridiculing attempt towards the military officer who seems ready to burst. "So the wanderer that got you here in the first place is a little bit of a maniac. In the sadist sense." He raises both of his brows knowingly, only earning himself an unmoving glare in return. "Meaning it wants to see you suffer in the worst way possible. Which is why I'm here."
The pieces get put together in the colonel’s head a little too quickly. He doesn't like where this is going. "So the process of elimination—"
"—won't work because that's just an easy way of fixing your problems." The pilot cuts the other off by finishing his sentence. "But it's easy. You see, you just have to do something that you don't really want to do towards me."
The colonel narrows his eyes. "Like what?"
Then to his full irritation, the DAA pilot shrugs, putting on a smug face. "Kiss me? Or jerk me off? The mouth works fine too."
The colonel stares at him like he's gone mad.
Caleb chuckles. "I said I'll give you a clue, not that you'll end up liking it."
It's hilarious, really. He's met with more silence as a result of the colonel's disbelief, probably thinking he's being an ass just for the fun of it. To say he isn't having fun wouldn't be true. Yet at the same time, it's not like he's lying either.
"What's wrong, Colonel Xia? You don't wanna get gay with yourself?" The pilot snickers, crude smile gradually falling, revealing a face of mutual disdain. "Do you really hate yourself that much?"
The colonel jeers, unsurprisingly agreeing. "You disgust me."
Hearing the unfiltered revulsion in his voice, Caleb doesn't bother hiding his own either. His façade drops just as easily. A bored look left on his face. "Hm, same here."
He stands up abruptly from the chair, too quick for the colonel to follow with his gun. He walks around the table, strides closer to the brooding man. To the version of himself that he regards with indifference. "I've always wondered, you know. Why would you let yourself become a lab slave again?"
Colonel Xia looks at him, stiff. "You wouldn't have done it any differently."
"Oh but I would've." Caleb replies, voice rising. "I would've fought my way out using my own mouth and run back home with twisted limbs if I had to. Anything as long as it meant not getting wires stuck to me and being forced into chambers to be watched by white coats." He grimaces, then. "Unlike you."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh yeah? Then what are you, if not a coward? You ran away to Skyhaven and weren't even going to return, fucker."
"I was going to." Sternly, the colonel corrects him. “And with an attitude like yours, nothing would’ve changed. You would've faced exactly the same things as I did, if not worse.”
Caleb scoffs. “Then it's all your fault for letting us turn up this way,” he steps heavily into the colonel’s space, blank eyes looking straight at the face hidden under the visor, unwavering. He spits out with more bitterness than anything else, “you’re absolutely disappointing, gege.”
There's a brief moment where Colonel Xia visibly stills. His gun rests heavy in his grasp, ready to be used. He could still eliminate, in cold blood, the remnants of himself he despised without a second thought. If the damn wanderer wanted to see him suffer for its entertainment, then he’d just make it go through anguish the lengths of tenfold. It's not impossible. He knows better than to get himself mixed into a mess with a younger, more inexperienced, more stupid version of him. Even if he's baiting him to engage in the same tomfoolery he's starting.
The cocky look of superiority, written in every line of his face. Paired with the mess of his hands balled into fists at the side, trembling ever so slightly with a need to emit violence of the very immature kind. He reeks of improper upbringing. The birth of a failed guardian. The existence of a useless older brother.
Colonel Xia remains a blank face, but his heart twists. He knows the other is asking for things he can't finish.
So at most, he’ll bother to give him this.
And he swears this will only be it.
“—?!”
The sharp sound of the colonel’s gloved hand making contact with Caleb’s cheek leaves its echo within the empty house. The DAA pilot is openly caught off-guard, stumbling backwards by an inch as his fingers feel along the fresh streak of red blooming on his cheekbone.
“You…” He suddenly breaks into loud, wry laughter. His eyes grow wide, neck snapping back to stare back at the other, an unsettling grin curling on his lips. “Well, aren't you awfully pathetic? Choosing to hurt yourself over the things you caused.”
He strides forward once more, wasting not a second to smear the leftover blood on his fingers onto the colonel's lips—slipping slightly into the opening of his mouth seemingly by accident. Watching, with sick glee, the exact moment the colonel’s expression turns into disgust. He giggles. “But doing only this won't get you out of here.”
The colonel shoves him away with a hand against his chest, spitting out the blood in unison, groaning. He remains steadfast in his refusal. “I want nothing to do with you.”
The pilot hums. “Too bad,” he leans closer for an unnecessary whisper, “you don't really have a choice.”
Colonel Xia quietly curses, looking down; the visor of his hat shielding his expression. “Fucker…”
“It feels horrible, doesn't it?” Caleb coos. “To be a colonel with no actual power.”
A grumble. He knows what the other’s doing. “Silence.”
“And then it's devastating to know that you're being ridiculed by someone who knows you even better than your little sister.”
The colonel warns, again. “Enough.”
“What more if it turns out that the only reason you got yourself into this is because of your own incompetence—”
The colonel huffs. In this matter too, he proves to be a liar to himself. A distrustful individual who goes back on his words almost instantly. Because it turns out than he will bother to give more than just that, after all.
His resolve finally breaks; a lot sooner than he would've liked.
Colonel Xia reaches out and grabs Caleb by the throat; with steel fingers pressing tight, suppressing his airflow. He stares down at him, jaw ticking with accumulated fury. He nearly bellows, yet only settles with a thick growl following onto his words. “If you say one more thing, I will shoot your mouth.”
The pressure on his neck easily cuts off Caleb’s ability to speak. He's left with only splutters and chokes as the colonel continues to squeeze his throat with no remorse, looking not the least bit fazed. Like he's actually planning to go through with this and leave himself dead. Removing his only way out of this hellhole he's created and forced himself inside. Keeping him trapped and away from a reality he doesn't deserve.
But the DAA pilot only squeezes out a chuckle.
He doesn't deserve it, yet he still wants it anyway.
Caleb painfully wheezes out, word by word, “don't you…want…to see…her—?”
He smirks like he's won the jackpot.
The colonel visibly scowls. He hates himself. He hates himself even more for the fact that he actually lets go because of that reason alone.
Caleb coughs as he recovers his breath, rubbing his neck and specifically on the areas where red prints are now left on his skin. His voice is hoarse, but it still holds the capability to render the colonel down to annoyance effortlessly. “If you really don't want me around anymore…you know what to do, yeah?”
Colonel Xia lets the words sit in silence. Long enough to let the unbearable tension brew, until he ends up clicking his tongue. “...Tch.”
He grabs the front of the pilot’s DAA jacket and forcefully pins him down on the table without warning. It instantly evokes a wince out of Caleb, causing his eyes to shut tight from the impact; a faint spell nearly befalling him. But not enough to hinder his speech and thought, unfortunately. He groans. “Can you at least put the model plane somewhere else first—I worked hard on that.”
“I don't think it matters,” the colonel expresses. “It’ll be mostly useless after this.”
His hands hook onto the underside of Caleb’s knees as he brings them upwards, making his feet plant flat onto the table, leaving space in between for the other to slide in. He carefully pulls off both his gloves as his gaze remains unwavering, staring down at the younger without an ounce of affection of any kind to be seen. Or felt. Or to even be expressed at all.
The DAA only manages a snicker and a half-hearted smile, “Destroying your own efforts huh, what a classic derogatory mov—” plus a cocky remark that never gets fully completed. “Mn—”
With a firm hand gripping his jaw, Caleb gets forced into a kiss initiated by himself. And it's not at all taken lightly, but more of like an act of violence as the colonel roughly brushes his lips against his. There's teeth knocking together, tongues arguing, the faint taste of blood as either one of them must've bitten the other—the residue of pain barely felt.
This is just a kiss done out of necessity, not out of willingness from both ends. And the mutual contempt is overpowering, and overconsuming, and overwhelming both of their senses. Both of their minds.
The colonel furrows his brows as he reluctantly tilts his head to drive the kiss deeper, his grip drawing itself down from the other’s jaw and eventually over to his neck once more, like before. His hand rests over where he had just left the ghost of his attempted stranglement, itching to continue it again.
He presses his weight down on the pilot, the heavy details of his uniform digging through the pilot’s jacket and black hoodie, causing a muffled moan to tumble out of the younger abruptly.
By that sound, Colonel Xia breaks off the kiss instantly, staring down at Caleb with an intense, strange look.
Caleb barks up a laugh, though not appearing to be very haughty based on his need to catch his breath. “What, can't a guy have some fun?” He doesn't recover soon enough before the colonel gets his hand into the other’s tousled hair, pulling it tight from the roots. “Ngh—!”
“I didn't take you to be such a pain slut.” The colonel states, observing as he continues to yank without care. He sees the scrunched forehead and shut eyes, parted lips to let out measly whimpers that fill the colonel with dread. “Disgusting.”
Then he pulls him to the ground, letting pained groans reverb around them as he watches. He pushes him down with a boot at his chest, watching. Drags his boot down to push his legs apart, watching. Steps on the newly hardened bulge of the pilot’s cock outlined in his pants, watching.
“Nhn— fuck…” Caleb remains unable to suppress himself. He rolls his head back, his hips jerking forward, and his desire overtaking his unwillingness to rut against the colonel’s boot. “Oh…”
Colonel Xia stares on, displeased. He adds more pressure down, and he receives the pilot’s whole body shuddering in return. The audacity leaves him baffled, if not further enraged.
He asks, sickened. “Are you mocking me?”
The pilot visibly has a bright blush on his cheeks when he opens his eyes and looks up, an irritating smile along his parted lips to further piss the colonel off. “Is it mocking, or just you being unable to accept how you really are?”
When the colonel’s face visibly darkens, Caleb chuckles. Then he witnesses the brief confusion on the older’s face when his boot is suddenly pushed off by unseen force, giving leeway for the pilot to push himself up as if nothing happened—dusting his hands, resting his elbow on his knee, casually doing a light yawn as the colonel struggles; feeling gravity pushing him down.
“Don't forget, colonel,” Caleb quotes, “I'm everything you are too.”
And then Colonel Xia is suddenly forced onto his knees, waves of bright orange and blue surrounding him as Caleb languidly uses his Evol to take off his hat, bringing a bloodstained face into proper light. His chin gets pushed up, his eyes reluctantly looking back at Caleb’s. An angry frown meeting an amused sparkle. His scowl deepens permanently.
He hisses. “You fucker.”
Caleb hides his pleased smile with the back of his hand. He works his Evol again; this time pulling on the colonel’s tie, dragging him closer. Letting his knees scrape against the floor, affecting his white pants with scratches and stains. Until the sudden force knocks him onto his palms too, providing a pathetic display that the pilot snickers at.
He then finds his fingers fiddling with the complicated buttons of the dark uniform before managing to rip it off the older improperly. Dragging the collar down to reveal an expanse of his skin, dipping his head for his teeth to sink in ruthlessly without a second wasted.
The colonel grunts. Blood spills as his flesh breaks. His hands claw at the ground with vice. Feeling as Caleb licks up the sanguine he freely bleeds, consuming with an instinct to devour more. To plant his teeth deeper into himself and torture the bits he wants to remove forever. An act of violence made to hide the needless shame he harbours.
Within his struggle to break free, though, Colonel Xia eventually doesn't quite recall when he decides to stop fighting back.
When he suddenly meets the ground on his back, hardly reacting to any pain he's grown numb to. He fails to react further when the pilot starts pulling the rest of his uniform apart, together with the pieces of him that, admittedly, shielded him wholly.
There are hands continuing to dig into him until he's nothing of what he is now. Hands of his own, stripping him of identity.
As a lone finger drags itself over the colonel’s heart, Caleb is left wishing he died instead of becoming what he is now. Forming a mutual expression that shines between both of their violet eyes, silence speaking on its own.
The pilot pulls his hand away, as if burned. He looks down at the mess of the colonel he's created, disappointment in his senses and written everywhere on his face. “You've ruined everything.”
Caleb—the colonel—has nothing left to say to that. Knowing that this time, his words are true.
Everything starts to feel like a fever dream after then.
It's unsettling, really, to hear his own voice against his ear, “I’ll help you, just this once,” with a hand starting to unbuckle his belt. Hearing how the voice almost sounds, as if, eager, “and you can't say no to me,” while the press of dry lips against his pulse feels unreal.
Colonel Xia remains, for the most part, motionless. While the pilot starts to rid him of his self-worth, then and there.
He frees his cock, stroking it aimlessly up to full mast. Until even the colonel can't bite back a breathy moan, bucking into the touch without a warning. The older tries bringing his arm up to hide his eyes, but quickly gets suppressed by gravity pinning him down harder, snuffing his attempt.
He feels fingers prying his eyes open, a thumb pressing his chin down. “Look at me.”
The colonel has no choice left but to obey, his eyes left cold. Not much of a bother for the pilot to get annoyed with.
“Watch me. Carefully, ‘mmkay?” Caleb teases, not expecting a response.
Colonel Xia witnesses, then, as the younger pilot works his way out of his own clothed restraints, his erected cock standing next to the colonel’s in identical length and girth. Caleb fists their cocks together with one hand, and starts stroking them at an uneven pace, letting their mixed pre-come slick them up. His hand soon becomes slippery. The jerks grow faster by his demand.
Colonel Xia is left with guttural whimpers forced out of his throat as he frowns, wanting to refuse the bliss but finding himself unable to. “You— ugh-”
“I know you like this, colonel. You can't hide such things from me, yeah?” Caleb grins, wildly, panting as he gets himself grinding against the other’s cock too. “All the times you touched yourself like this while thinking about your sister, you think I wouldn't know?”
He digs a thumb into the slit, making the colonel jolt as he unwillingly gasps. Caleb laughs. “Disgusting freak. You always wanted to fuck her. And yet you still haven't done it til’ now.”
The colonel curses under his breath, his teeth grinding. He looks at the younger with inexplicable emotions, voice barely made audible to really manage in saying anything back.
But even if he did, “stop—” he would've tried to demand, using his colonel façade for further pressure.
Or actually, “keep going.”
He would've more likely begged. Just like the weak mess he is.
“You've even thought of how she’d react if she caught you like this.” The pilot continues spurring him on, squeezing their cocks in his grip together. “It always made you come the hardest, didn't it?”
“Y-you—!”
He steals the colonel’s stuttered breath with an aggressive kiss.
The pilot’s strokes become sloppy as he eventually spills, with the colonel inevitably following suit, painting a white mess on his hand alongside their curved cocks.
Caleb does a low whistle.
“Well,” he muses, hovering above the older, “aren’t we gross?”
It takes a moment for Colonel Xia to recover, but still quick enough. The colonel only bothers to catch his breath once before he abruptly throws his body back up and off the guard, throwing his fist square into the pilot’s face.
It sends him tumbling down with a groan as he holds his nose—unbleeding, surprisingly. He growls, “what the fuck?”
“Why am I still here?” The colonel picks up his gun and points it straight down at the other, gritting his teeth, furious. “You were just talking bullshit this entire time.”
“I'm not lying.” Caleb coughs, blinking as he waits to recover his senses. His hand goes through his hair once, gripping at the top for a second as he breathes out slowly. Anger seeping in like venom the more time passes. “But heh, it's up to you whether you wanna believe me or not.”
“I did.” The colonel admits. He adjusts his gun. “So tell me, why?”
The pilot stares blankly at him for a bit. He shrugs, unbothered. “I’m sure you can figure it out without needing me to spell it out. Besides,” he tilts his head languidly, “we look a little too stupid being half naked like this to really afford getting into a petty argument.”
“...” The older grumbles. “The wanderer wasn't satisfied?”
“Bingo.” Caleb replies with a pop. “So you gotta be prepared to put on a better show soon.”
The colonel doesn't bother holding back his annoyed groan, rolling his eyes in unison. He fires off a shot at the ceiling as he turns around and starts walking away, weightful stomps coming from his boots. He rolls his shoulders, his neck—before choosing to let his back collide with a wall and slowly exhale, signs of fatigue beginning to creep up on him.
“I have an idea for a show.” He starts. “It just requires your mouth.”
The pilot looks at him, offended. “I'm not sucking you off.”
“And I don't want you to. But that's the thing, right? The wanderer loves this shit.”
Without moving an inch, it's the colonel’s Evol this time that works ahead; grabbing Caleb for him and pushing him forward, ignoring his protests. Capturing him kneeling before him, face turned upwards with a shadow of his own cock right in the middle of his intense features. It serves as a mocking display, full of arrogance as the colonel's lips curl up slightly.
He hums, slightly delighted. “You gotta be a good boy for gege, alright?”
Caleb spits on his boot, bitter. “In your dreams.”
The wry amusement falls off Colonel Xia's face as quickly as it appeared, his mood switching instantly. He spits back, landing right on Caleb’s cheek. “Shut it, brat.”
Colonel Xia grabs a fistful of Caleb’s hair, using it as leverage to keep him in place while he thrusts his whole cock into his mouth. The tip hits the back of his throat, instantly making him gag. But the colonel has no patience left to play nice; so he fucks his mouth without mercy, his hips snapping at an inhumane speed while saliva dribbles down the younger's chin, muffled noises held back by the intrusion choking him ruthlessly. Relentlessly. He scrunches his nose at the scent ridden in the older’s pubic hair, yet is left with no such luxury to free himself from it.
“Not so noisy now, huh?” The colonel comments. A twisted, feral look glazes over his face, his eyes sparkling in frenzy. “Wanted to talk big but now you’re taking it. Fucking pathetic.”
He pulls tightly at Caleb’s hair to wring out a sound of protest, catching the moment a tear slips out of his eyes fully screwed shut. His cock unexpectedly twitches. He holds himself back from stammering before continuing. “Feels good when I use you, doesn't it? To feel like a stupid toy, following orders even when you don't want to. See? This is who you are now. A dog.”
The air of mighty superiority gets to him in his head. Maybe it's because the sight of a younger, more useless version of him turns him on more than he realizes. He thrives off causing misery for himself, thrusting so deep without concern whether it hurts him or not. Doing so without rhythm, so he can't expect what to come next anymore.
He's sadistic. And cruel. And self-deprecating.
And at the same time, he's the only one allowing such things to occur to himself.
Caleb inevitably rolls his eyes back when the colonel finds himself stepping on his cock again, making the younger rut against him ceaselessly. Helplessly, as he unwittingly whimpers without a second thought. For it is the feeling of being used that heightens his arousal more than he’d like to admit. Making him come all over the colonel’s boot as he goes off wildly, his mind barely even there to register what he just did.
The colonel clicks his tongue, displeased. Noting the white come splattered on his boot with nothing less than absolute disgust. “Did I say you could leave a mess, you fucking mutt?”
He pinches Caleb’s nose, cutting off his ability to breathe, fucking his mouth even harder as he suffocates him. Feeling his throat somewhat tighten, making his cock ache with a pulse once, twice, until—
“Open up, didi.” The colonel's hips stutter as he silently gasps. “Gege’s gonna fill you up.”
And he comes, straight down the pilot's throat; his release being more than expected and even spilling from the corners of Caleb’s lips. He stills completely while he pours indefinitely, eyes staring straight down with an eyebrow knocked upwards, questioning.
“Well?” His voice is haggard, but still carries a heavy command. “Swallow.”
With full utmost reluctance, the pilot does as he's told—tasting savoury mixed with a pinch of bitterness, making him cringe. But whatever. As long as it meant the colonel would finally pull out of his mouth, leaving his aching jaw alone as he bemoans unpleasantly and loudly in pain.
“You're fucking horrible.” He insults.
The colonel easily retorts back. “Only towards you.”
Caleb grumbles, wiping his mouth clean with the back of his hand, not even bothering to get off the ground. Rather, he gets himself sitting down, sighing after a moment’s reprieve.
“I don't like you.” He admits, flatly. Like it isn't the most concrete truth they both have ever and always known. “And I never will. But hey, she does.” One side of his lips weakly curls up. “Guess that's enough to cancel out everything else that is wrong with you.”
The colonel looks at him, slightly befuddled. Confused. Unsure of what he should take this as.
As if reading his mind, the pilot huffs in partial disbelief. And lots more humour. “It means you’re gonna get out of here soon, dumbass.” He leans back on his hands. “You finally proved how your shame knows no bounds. How you’d literally fuck yourself just to get back to her.”
“You really don't know how to place your words nicely.”
“Yeah well, guess who I got that from.” A pause. “Oh, right.” He smiles then, bitterly. “From no one.”
Silence continues to settle in. This time, it seems like there's no end to it. The lack of words are left to highlight the distance lasting between them. Between the Caleb who's gone and the Caleb who prevails today.
The colonel, left with nothing else to say, begrudgingly cleans himself up and prepares to walk away.
“At least bother to say goodbye if you're gonna leave.”
Caleb looks up at him, forlorn. An expression he bears to show in the last final seconds. To explain his reason would be too convoluted, so it's better left unsaid. Though maybe it's just that he's bitter about who he's now become.
“...”
A small part of him refuses to bid farewell to himself. So the colonel finally liberates himself from his nightmares—and as he does so, does not bother fulfilling the pilot’s request either.
The next time Caleb wakes up, he’ll see familiar surroundings again; the ceiling of the home he’s rebuilt, and the concerned face of the girl he's always loved.
If he does wake up, that is.