Chapter Text
Natsuki had been living for so long in her mother’s shadow that it was very hard at first to step out into the sun.
The Festival was over. Her HiME powers were gone. All the fear and mystery had dissipated, and what she suddenly found herself left with was a perfectly normal teenage life.
The new things she spent her time worrying about were the same things every other high school girl worried about: passing her classes, trying to decide on a career, shopping, and going to karaoke with friends.
And, of course, romance.
This new life was a bit strange—she’d been on edge, all the time, for so long. But it wasn’t unpleasant.
She was doing her best to keep her attendance up. That was easier now, but her previous absenteeism had left her in a precarious position, and she had to remain on her best behaviour.
She was putting more work into her studies than before. Before, she hadn’t really cared—she had more important things to think about. But now she had to worry about what she wanted to do after high school. She wasn’t going to be winning any scholarships, but when she put effort into it, she could get grades that would at least get her in to the local university.
Mai was still Natsuki’s closest friend at school—they ate lunch together almost every day. Mikoto always came too, of course, and sometimes Aoi and Chie as well.
“Gooooood, I hate math class.”
Mai stretched out on her back on the grass where they usually ate their lunches. Mikoto crawled over and happily threw herself down to lie across Mai’s stomach.
Natsuki, sitting cross-legged across from them, took another bite of her sandwich.
She chewed slowly, then swallowed. “Mmm. Yeah, it’s a pain.”
“Are you ready for the test next week? I’m not.”
“I think so. I’ve studied. As long as there’s no trick questions.”
“Mikoto? What about you?”
Mikoto gave Mai a concerned look. “Test? What test?”
Natsuki rolled her eyes as Mai admonished Mikoto. Finishing off the last of her lunch, she leaned back on her hands and looked up at the sky.
It was a bright, clear, spring day.
Life was pretty good these days. A little bit boring, but a lot less stressful.
“Hey, Natsuki? Can you come to karaoke on Saturday? I got Nao to say she’d come.”
“Uhh. No. Can’t on Saturday.”
“Haha. Right, you’re never free on Saturdays.” Mai’s voice took on a teasing lilt. “Hmmmm, I wonder what you could be busy with.”
She glared and checked her watch. “None of your business. We have another half an hour before English class, did you finish the questions from yesterday?”
"Uhhh. Most of them?"
On weekdays, Natsuki went to school. She studied. She hung out with her friends.
And on the weekends, she went to see Shizuru.
Her motorcycle roared and shuddered between her thighs, as she merged onto the highway and opened the throttle.
The wind blasted through her hair. She leaned over lower over the handlebars as she accelerated, feeling the thrill of sudden velocity.
She’d never get tired of this. The speed, the rush, the exhilaration of hurtling down the road on a small metal frame, watching the trees and building whip past you.
She loved it.
Every Saturday morning, she would get on her bike and head out, away from Fuuka Academy, over the highway, to the next city over.
Along the way, she would have chance to think. To worry about what she might get teased about. To imagining where Shizuru might drag her today.
Often, on the road to Shizuru, she found herself questioning why she was still doing this, traveling this highway bright and early every Saturday morning when she could be getting her beauty sleep. Why she kept spending so much of her free time with this woman.
Hanging out with your best friend on the weekend is one thing. Hanging out every single weekend for hours with your gay best friend who you knew was in love with you…that’s something quite different.
She didn’t really know why. She knew that she was leading Shizuru on. What she should do is make it clear that their relationship was only platonic, that Shizuru should move on. She should be trying to put a bit of distance between them. But she just kept coming back.
Natsuki arrived in good time. From her front door to Shizuru’s, it was about a one-hour trip. She parked on the street, took off her helmet, and buzzed the intercom at the front doors of Shizuru’s apartment building.
“Natsuki?”
“Mmm. I’m here.”
“Come on up, I’ll let you in.”
The door clicked open.
In the elevator, Natsuki wondered what face Shizuru would make when she saw her. Not that it really required any speculation. Shizuru always greeted her with the same warm smile. She knew that smile like the back of her hand. Maybe better.
She stepped out of the elevator, and knocked on Shizuru’s door.
“Good morning Natsuki.”
“Hey.” She stepped into the apartment, and closed the door behind her. “Can I change in your bathroom?”
“Of course. I’ll put on some tea.”
Natsuki made her way past the kitchen, into the bathroom. She knew this apartment like the back of her hand too now. It was big, obviously expensive. Clean, tidy, and decorated sparsely with some traditional Japanese paintings. Very “Shizuru.”
In the bathroom, she stripped off her bikesuit, leaving her only in underwear. She had a backpack with her, with jeans and a hoodie, which she changed into, shoving her suit back into the bag.
Finally, she faced the mirror, and gave her hair a quick comb, fixing the disturbance from the change of clothes and the motorcycle helmet. When she was satisfied, she headed back out.
Shizuru was reclining on the couch in the living room. Her eyes flashed when she saw Natsuki emerge. “You look good.”
Natsuki frowned at her. “It’s a pair of jeans and a plain hoodie. It’s what I always wear.”
“I still think you look good. It suits you, Natsuki.”
She sat down on the other couch, opposite Shizuru. They were on the tenth floor, and behind Shizuru a few large windows showcased a gorgeous view of the rest of the city, the ocean, and, in the far distance, mountains. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.”
“It is.” Shizuru’s eyes flickered up and down Natsuki’s body, making no attempt at subtlety. A flirtatious smirk crossed her face. “And, of course, the plain exterior makes it even more fascinating to imagine what fancy lingerie you might have on underneath.”
Natsuki’s face went red as she scowled and crossed her arms in consternation. She couldn’t think of a dignified response, so she kept her mouth shut.
Shizuru laughed lightly and stood up. The water was boiling in the kitchen.
Alone in the living room, Natsuki let her eyes flicker around the room. On one wall, Shizuru’s naginatas were displayed, hung horizontally in a column, on brackets. Weapons that had once been used to kill. Blades that had once dripped with blood. Now they were ornaments.
On the other wall, a painting of a woman in a kimono, facing away from the viewer. Her garment was loose, hanging low off her shoulders, exposing the nape of her neck. Sensual, but tasteful. A stranger would brush it, and the handful of similar pieces throughout the apartment, off as nice pieces of art, which they were.
Natsuki, being well aware of Shizuru’s proclivities, knew that Shizuru’s appreciation of the female form was not purely aesthetic, and that lack of any male figures to be found in any of the art on Shizuru’s walls was no coincidence.
Shizuru returned bearing a tray, loaded with a teapot and teacups. She set them down on the table.
“So, Natsuki. What is new at Fuuka?”
As Shizuru poured tea, Natsuki told Shizuru about Mai and Mikoto’s latest antics. She told her about what they were studying in class, and complained about all the various teachers, with Shizuru nodding along and laughing. She complained about Takeda trying to talk to her again, despite her very clear insistence that she was not interested in him, and Shizuru nodded, with a slightly annoyed gleam in her eye.
When they were finished their tea, Shizuru stood up, and walked over to the window to look outside. “Let’s go out, it’s a nice day.”
Natsuki watched her from behind. Shizuru was wearing a loose, white blouse, and a knee-length, light-blue skirt. She looked very good. Shizuru always looked good, she always looked clean and proper and feminine. She turned heads when they walked down the street together. “Mm. Sure.”
Natsuki grabbed the tray of tea stuff, and took it back into the kitchen.
Shizuru followed her, smiling. “Thank you, Natsuki. Just leave them by the sink.”
They both headed to the door, and took the elevator down.
Shizuru said Natsuki’s name a lot. Every chance she could, it seemed. It seemed like Shizuru actually enjoyed saying it, letting the syllables roll off her tongue slowly, savoring them. Natsuki. Natsuki. Natsuki. My Natsuki.
She didn’t mind it. She sort of liked the way Shizuru clearly relished her name, if she was going to be honest with herself (she’d never admit it out loud). But it was just another reminder that this relationship was different from her other friendships. That there was something more going on here.
Since the Festival, it was something that Shizuru never let her forget.
Outside the apartment, Natsuki looked up and agreed that it was indeed a beautiful day. The sky was blue, spotted here and there with clouds.
“Follow me. I have a place I want to show you.”
Natsuki followed, and as they walked down the sidewalk, Shizuru told Natsuki about her own week at university. Lectures. Exams. Annoying professors, annoying classmates, fun classmates. The things that she was learning. An upcoming group project.
The usual things that friends talk about when they haven’t seen each other in a week.
They arrived at their destination after a ten-minute walk.
Shizuru had brought Natsuki to a public park. They dropped ¥200 coins in the box for their entrance fee, and walked in.
The sun was shining, and the sky was a bright blue. The park consisted mostly of green lawns surrounding a little lake. The two of them strolled around the water’s edge, chatting aimlessly. Children played on the grass with their parents. A couple were padding a rowboat in the middle of the lake. A man was flying a kite.
She wasn’t really tense to begin with, but Natsuki felt herself relax even more. Shizuru was smiling and happy next to her. It was a beautiful day.
Shizuru guided her away from the water, through the shadows of a stand of trees. They emerged back into the sunlight in a rose garden.
Pink, red, white, purple, roses of every colour.
She couldn’t help but smile.
“I saw photos of this garden, and it reminded of the gardens at Fuuka.”
Where we met, was the unspoken addition at the end of Shizuru’s sentence.
“Mmmm. It’s gorgeous.”
They wandered around the rose bushes, mostly in silence. Eventually they ended up sitting side by side on a bench in the middle, watching the flowers.
“You’ve really never come here before?”
Shizuru shook her head. “I’m usually busy with studying. Or university clubs. Things like this, I leave for when you’re here with me.”
Natsuki fought off a blush. “I see.”
“It’s true. I enjoy the clubs I’m in. I get along well with my classmates. But being with you, like this, is much more important for me.”
Frantically trying to divert the conversation in a different direction, Natsuki cut in. “And you’re still, uhh, happy with your major?”
“Mmmmm. Yes, I suppose.”
“Even though your parents chose it for you?”
Shizuru laughed. “They didn’t choose it for me. They gave me a choice.”
“Really? I thought you said…”
“They let me choose between being a doctor and being a lawyer. And I didn’t want to be a lawyer. So here I am.”
Natsuki scoffed, but her eyebrows creased in a slight frown. “They shouldn’t be able to dictate what you do. You should do whatever you want.”
She stared ahead at the flowers, but she knew that next to her, Shizuru was staring straight at her. Smiling.
“I’m happy with what I’m studying now. And I’ll stand up to them when I need to, you know.
“Have you ever actually defied them?”
“Yes. They wanted me to go to school in Tokyo. I said no. I insisted on coming here.”
“Why would you want to come here, instead of Tokyo?”
“Natsuki…” Her voice was playful, and Natsuki turned to meet her gaze. “You really can’t guess?”
“I…”
“I didn’t want to go too far away from Fuuka. Because you’re here.”
Her cheeks went bright red, and she looked away. Of course. That should have been obvious.
“Right,” she mumbled.
Shizuru giggled, and the conversation turned to easier topics.
They sat and watched the flowers under the summer sky, and Natsuki couldn’t help but admit to herself that this was a pretty nice way to spend a Saturday.
After the park, they went to a restaurant for lunch.
Then they meandered back through town, checking through a few shops on the way. They ended up back in Shizuru’s apartment, where Natsuki sprawled out on Shizuru’s couch.
She had a couple text messages from Mai—she’d been ignoring her phone all day. Natsuki rolled her eyes and sighed as she scrolled through the messages.
“What is it?” asked Shizuru.
“Mai. Trying to get me to come to karaoke, as usual. She’s telling me I should just bring you.”
“I’d love to come.”
“No, no. You’re my excuse to not go.”
Shizuru laughed. “I see. I thought you didn’t mind karaoke.”
“Well, I don’t hate it,” she grumbled. “But Mai gets so enthusiastic about it. Way too excited. And I’m not much of a singer.”
“I thought you had a gorgeous voice, that one time we all went together.”
“Well, that’s cause you’re…you.” Natsuki blushed, not really sure how to specify what she meant. Because you’re in love with me.
“Mmmm, yes. I suppose I am me.”
A quick glance in Shizuru’s direction confirmed that she was smiling.
Natsuki sighed again and dropped her phone to the couch, staring at the ceiling. She could never really get used to it. Whatever this thing was that hung in the air between them. They weren’t dating. They were friends, but they were also somehow something more than just friends.
Because Shizuru loved Natsuki, and Natsuki…
Well, she was still here. Every week. Still failing to turn Shizuru down. Still leading her on. Still too much of a coward to say what she needed to say: “I’m sorry, you’re my best friend and I like you a lot, but…”
A sentence she should have said a long time ago. But she just couldn’t make herself say it, no matter how many times she'd promised herself on the ride over that she would.
She didn’t want to shatter the peaceful friendship that they had. She didn’t want to hurt Shizuru. She didn’t want to lose this strange thing that they had. Shizuru was too important.
And really, ultimately…
It wasn’t like Shizuru actually made her uncomfortable.
Back at school, on Mondays, she could push Shizuru out of her head for hours at a time, sometimes. There were too many other things to think about. Tests. Teachers. Mai and Mikoto and the others.
And today, something even less pleasant than tests.
She’d found a love letter in her locker that morning, requesting that she meet the writer at a certain location behind the school after classes.
And, even worse, of course Chie had seen her holding it, so by lunch, every single one of her other friends knew as well.
"So? Who do you think sent it?” Mai was practically leering at her in excitement.
“I don’t know.” Natsuki’s face remained stoic. “And I don’t care.”
“Come onnnnnn. Surely you must be curious!”
“I’m not. It’s just annoying.”
“At least tell me you’re going to go, and not ignore them.” Mai’s face took on a pleading expression. Chie and Aoi nodded in agreement. Mikoto, head happily resting on Mai’s lap, wasn’t paying the slightest attention to the topic.
“I’ll go.” She took a big bite of her sandwich, and chewed aggressively. “I’ll go meet them, and tell them to leave me alone.”
“Oooh, Natsuki has an admirer?”
A shadow crossed Natsuki’s lap, and she looked up to see Nao standing behind her.
She grimaced. “It’s none of your business.”
Nao grinned. “But of course it’s my business! One of my dearest friends, finally involved with boys. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Fuck off.”
Nao’s grin intensified into a smirk. “I was under the impression your interests lay in…different directions.”
Natsuki froze, sandwich halfway to her mouth. She blinked, twice.
Then she crammed the last bit of food in her mouth, brushed her hands free of crumbs, and stood up.
“I’m leaving.”
“Natsuki!” She heard Mai call her name, but she was already storming away, walking fast.
Her hands were clenched at her sides.
Just because she’d never gone out with a boy, just because she’d never joined in their conversations about boys or had a crush on one, didn’t mean that she was like that.
Like Shizuru.
Natsuki found her locker, threw her lunch bag inside, and slammed the door.
She stared at the gray metal for a few moments, taking deep breaths. She didn’t know why the comment had bothered her that much. Maybe just because of the smug tone in Nao’s voice when she’d said it. Maybe because she’d been in a bad mood already, dreading the after-school confession scene that was now inevitable.
Maybe it was because of the brief flash of amusement she’d seen flash across Mai and Chie’s faces before they’d hidden it. The knowledge that they’d been thinking the same thing, that they agreed with Nao. That they were all laughing at her.
They weren’t, of course.
It just felt like it sometimes.
After school, she dragged herself over to the appointed spot.
Behind the main building, at the edge of the forest, she waited, arms crossed, foot tapping in impatience, wanting to get this over with.
“Umm. Natsuki?”
She turned. As she’d expected, it was Takeda. “Hi.”
“Errrr…I guess you got my letter.” Seeing her nod, he continued. “Well, basically, I think that I sort of like you…”
As he stumbled through a clumsy, awkward confession, Natsuki found her eyes drifting past him, to the sky and trees beyond. She stopped paying attention to his words, and watched a bird circle in the air between the clouds. How furious would Shizuru be if she could see this, she wondered.
“…Natsuki?”
Natsuki glanced back to Takeda. “Sorry. I’m not interested.”
Disappointment flooded his face. “What? Why, is there someone else you like?”
She frowned. “No. I’m just not interested. Sorry.”
“At least can you give me a chance?” He started to plead with her, and she felt nothing but annoyance. “Just go on one date with me. You might like it.”
The thought of going on a date with Takeda sounded dreadful. The thought of holding his hand, kissing him—even worse. Disgusting even.
“I said no.” Natsuki turned and began to walk away.
As she passed him, she heard him say "wait," and felt his fingers close roughly around her wrist.
She instantly ripped her hand out of his grasp, shuddering with discomfort at the touch. "Don't touch me!" she yelped.
"Natsuki, please, why can't you just give me a chance, just one date…"
She’d never had even the slightest bit of interest in dating any of the boys that had asked out. And she absolutely fucking hated it when people touched her without permission. Even just her wrist. No, there was no reason to give him a chance.
"Fuck off." Natsuki had her school bag in her other hand, and she raised it up threateningly, ready to swing.
"Fine! I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd—"
"I don't care." She gave him a last glare, and turned to leave.
“Is it because you’re a lesbian?”
“What?!” Natsuki spun back around.
Takeda didn’t meet her eyes. “That’s what people were saying. You and the old student council president, you know. I just heard people saying that.”
"I'm not…that's not…" She continued to glare at him, but her mouth hung open as she tried to formulate a response. "That's not why. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not."
He seemed like he was going to say something else, but Natsuki had had enough. She spun on her heel and left.
On her way out of the school grounds, she walked quickly, head down, ignoring the people around her as she brushed past them. Takeda's words echoed in her head. Because you're a lesbian.
"I'm not," she muttered under her breath as she stormed away.
The next weekend with Shizuru, it was her turn to pick where they went. That was how they did it. One week, Shizuru could drag Natsuki anywhere she'd like, and the next week Natsuki could do the same.
So today, when she arrived outside of Shizuru's apartment, instead of going up, she leaned against her bike and texted Shizuru to come down and meet her. Since they were going straight to their destination, she'd skipped her full body bikesuit, instead opting for jeans and a leather jacket.
A minute later, Shizuru exited the building, and her face lit up into an easy smile as soon as she saw Natsuki.
"Natsuki. Good morning."
"Morning. Ready?"
Shizuru nodded, and Natsuki grabbed the second helmet that she'd brought.
"Let's go for a ride."
She swung herself back up onto the bike, and put her helmet back on. Then she sat, waiting for Shizuru to finish adjusting the helmet, and she steeled her nerves for what was coming.
Natsuki liked riding with Shizuru as a passenger. Really, she did. She liked being able to go anywhere together, the total freedom of just them on the road. She liked inviting Shizuru into a hobby she loved.
But Shizuru liked riding together too, and it was for all the wrong reasons.
The moment Shizuru got onto the bike, she wrapped her arms tightly around Natsuki's waist, and pulled their bodies closely together. Natsuki drew in her breath sharply at the sudden contact. She could feel Shizuru's thighs pressing against her own. She could feel Shizuru's breath against the back of her neck.
Perhaps most distractingly of all, she could feel the two points of extra pressure that were Shizuru's breasts pressing into her back. Thankfully, Shizuru was behind her and couldn't see the blush that instantly spread across Natsuki's face.
She could feel Shizuru practically purring with happiness behind her as she snuggled herself even closer into Natsuki's back. "Alright, I'm good to go."
"Uhh. Yeah. Okay." Natsuki tried her best to speak intelligibly, but she knew from experience that it would take her a couple minutes to get used to so much physical contact with Shizuru.
She occasionally gave rides to Mai, or other friends from school. Those she trusted. Physical touch was something she struggled with. She didn't like it, and the amount of touch required to double on a motorbike meant that riding with strangers was completely off the table. Mai would hug her, but not quite the way Shizuru did. Mai, knowing that Natsuki wasn't wholly comfortable with having their bodies pressed together, would leave as much of a gap as she could, and Natsuki was thankful for that.
But Shizuru not only didn't leave a gap, she tried her best to ensure there was as much contact between them as possible. She pressed herself into Natsuki's back like they were glued together. It was…distracting.
The engine roared into life, and they were off. Natsuki guided them slowly out of town, then out onto the highway, where she could open up the throttle properly. Slowly, she began to become less conscious of the warm body pressing into her back, and to enjoy the thrill of the wind in her hair.
They were on the road for an hour, soaring down highways, climbing into the mountains, there was no space for conversation over the engine and the wind, but Shizuru's arms around her waist were always present on the edges of her mind.
As always, her thoughts lingered on their relationship. The strange insistence of it. The magnetic pull that seemed to keep dragging her back here.
Deep green forests blurred past on either side of the road. Occasionally they passed lakes, or sudden vistas of valleys swooping down to the ocean.
The confusing part was that the end of the day, she quite liked riding her bike with Shizuru. More than anyone else. She liked deciding where to drive with Shizuru when it was her weekend to choose. The physical contact made her nervous. But not uncomfortable. In fact, there was a part of her that truly looked forward to it, the same way she looked forward to Shizuru's welcoming smile on Saturday mornings.
They climbed onto steeper and steeper roads, the forests tall and green on either side of them, eventually turning off the highway onto a smaller road, that led to a parking lot. Natsuki parked, shut off the engine, and sighed in a mixture of relief and some unknown emotion that most certainly could not be disappointment as Shizuru peeled herself off of Natsuki's back.
"We're here."
Shizuru smiled happily at her as she stretched out her limbs. "That was a really nice ride. Where are we?”
Natsuki shrugged. "You'll see."
It was incredible, really, just how happy and content Shizuru could look sometimes. As if there could be no greater joy in life than being out on some excursion with Natsuki.
Natsuki led the way, past a small coffee house and a few other parked cars, towards the edge of the trees. "I think it's this way."
Inside the forest, it was quiet. They walked down a dirt path through the bushes and trees, not talking much. Occasional birdsong echoed in the distance. Their footsteps crunched. Every once in a while, they passed other people on the trail, and exchanged a "good morning."
Finally, they emerged back into the sun, at the edge of a canyon. The ground fell away before their feet, dropping down a hundred meters to a rushing river below them. Upstream to the left, in the distance, a waterfall thundered off of a cliff. To the right, the river plunged onwards through the forest, eventually disappearing around a bend.
And, in front of them, was what Natsuki had come to see: a gleaming suspension bridge arching across the gap.
Natsuki glanced briefly to her side, to see Shizuru's reaction. The other girl's face seemed sufficiently impressed.
"Natsuki, this is gorgeous."
She hummed in agreement. "Yeah. You want to go across?"
"Sure."
The bridge itself was wide enough for two people to cross side-by-side, and it was sturdy, with high railings on each side. But still, Natsuki felt a slight thrill of fear in her chest as they walked out over the gap, feeling the sudden absence of solid ground below her.
The sun shone above them, and Natsuki went first, out into the middle of the canyon. The water roared beneath them. The sight of the valley, and the rush of being midair above it, flooded through her, and she turned around and flashed Shizuru a grin.
Shizuru smiled back. "Can I take a photo?"
Natsuki frowned. She didn't really love having her photo taken. But she nodded nonetheless. "Sure."
She offered Shizuru's phone camera a simple smile, one hand on the railing beside her, as she let Shizuru take a few pictures. Then, at Shizuru's request, she returned the favour, pulling out her own phone take a few shots of her friend.
After that, they stood for a while in the middle of the bridge, admiring the view, and enjoying the sun and the breeze.
"What made you want to come here?" asked Shizuru.
Natsuki shrugged. "I don't know. I saw a photo online, and I thought it seemed like a nice place to come together."
Shizuru was beaming. "I'm glad you did."
Natsuki turned at the sound of footsteps on the bridge. A man and woman, maybe ten years older than them, were crossing as well, dressed in proper hiking gear. Her and Shizuru moved to the side to let them pass, and Natsuki offered them a quick smile.
The woman stopped. "I saw you taking pictures. Want me to take one of the two of you?"
Shizuru responded immediately. "We'd love that, thank you very much."
Natsuki passed the stranger her phone, and stepped over to stand next to Shizuru. She smiled at the photographer, and then her eyes suddenly widened as she felt Shizuru's arm curl around her back, her hand landing on Natsuki's waist and pulling them together.
She fought a blush, doing her best not to look too alarmed for the photo. But she was nervous already, just because of the distance between her feet and the solid ground, and she felt her heart rate spike.
She kept up her smile, and the phone audibly clicked a few times. Then the woman handed her phone with a grin. "What a beautiful day, isn't it?"
Shizuru nodded. "Yes, it's lovely out."
"And this is such a great spot for a date. You two have fun!"
Natsuki felt her cheeks go bright red as the other two kept on going to the other side of the valley. She turned and headed back the other way, to where they'd come from. "Come on, let's go," she muttered. She didn't want to look at Shizuru's face.
Natsuki didn't have to look to imagine the smug look she knew would be there.
On the way back into the city, they stopped for coffee at a small shop off of the highway. They sat in a booth, ordered a sandwich each, and began their usual catching-up on each other's weeks.
When Shizuru asked, "did anything interesting happen at Fuuka?", Natsuki froze immediately. The answer was obvious. She knew that Shizuru wouldn't like to hear about it, but she felt like she had to explain it.
"I, uhh, I got a love letter. And a confession."
Shizuru's face, which had been glowing all morning, instantly darkened. She was still smiling, but Natsuki knew that the smile was no longer genuine. "Oh. Is that so?"
Natsuki sighed. "Yeah. It was…you know. Awkward."
"Was it Takeda?"
She could hear ice in Shizuru's voice. "Umm. Yes. It was."
"Hmmm. I see."
Natsuki idly rotated her coffee mug in slow circles on the table before her. "He called me out behind the school. Big speech about how he's always liked me or something. Didn't pay much attention."
"How romantic."
"Not really."
"What did you say?"
She looked up, hearing the emotion in Shizuru's words, but Shizuru wasn't meeting her eyes. "I turned him down. Obviously."
"Why don't you try it?"
Natsuki frowned. "What?"
Shizuru's hands rested on the table, fingertips light against the surface, and Natsuki thought she saw them tremble. "He's not a bad guy. Handsome. A bit dense, a bit of a pervert, but he can be funny."
"Shizuru…"
"He'll be a proper upstanding member of society one day."
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
"He'd be a good husband. A good father."
"Shizuru, stop." She saw Shizuru flinch at the sudden sharpness in Natsuki's voice. "You know perfectly well I have no interest whatsoever in him. You're just torturing yourself for no reason."
Neither of them spoke for a few moments. Shizuru still wasn't meeting Natsuki's eyes, seemingly captivated by the crumbs left on her plate. Finally, she spoke. "…I'm sorry. We were having such a nice time."
With a sigh, Natsuki crossed her arms. "It's fine. I shouldn't have brought it up."
"No, thank you for telling me about it. I'm sorry, that I just get so, well…" Shizuru finally turned her gaze from the table, to look out the window beside them. "You know how I feel about you."
"…yes."
"When I hear about a man confessing to you, I just…spiral downwards, I guess. I can't help it."
Natsuki didn't quite know what to say, so she didn't say anything. She just watched Shizuru as she stared out the window. And when Shizuru finally turned back to meet Natsuki's eyes, Natsuki found herself being the one needing to look away, scared of the intensity of Shizuru's gaze.
She wasn't ready to face that gaze yet.
When they got back to town, they returned to Shizuru's apartment, where they quickly ended up in another weekend ritual: helping Natsuki with her schoolwork.
Even if she was doing well in most of her classes, Shizuru had always said she was happy to teach, and Natsuki was happy to accept the help from someone who had always been a much better student than her.
They spent a few hours in Shizuru's living room, Natsuki working through her English homework and asking questions here and there, and Shizuru alternating between working on her own schoolwork and simply watching Natsuki.
Eventually, they got hungry, and Shizuru ordered them a pizza.
After they ate, Natsuki went home. Shizuru walked with her to the door of the apartment, and waited as Natsuki laced up her shoes.
When Natsuki was ready, she looked up and met Shizuru's eyes. "Thanks for the help. I'll see you next week?"
Shizuru didn't reply. Natsuki waited, suddenly confused, as Shizuru stared at her, a strange, contemplative, almost sad expression on her face.
"…Shizuru?"
"Do you remember, in the Festival, when we died together?" Shizuru's voice was quiet, almost a whisper.
Natsuki frowned. "Obviously."
"You told me you loved me. You said 'I love you.'"
"I did. Look, I—"
"You don't need to explain it. It was complicated back then. I understand."
Natsuki looked away, blushing. "Yeah, it was. I honestly, myself, I don't really, entirely understand, I mean you’re…very important to me, but I don’t know…"
"It's fine. You really don't need to explain it, honestly. I just thought that, whatever you meant, I was hoping that…"
Shizuru's voice trailed off. Natsuki's eyes flickered back towards her, and then, suddenly, Shizuru was stepping forward, wrapping her arms around Natsuki's waist and grabbing her into a tight embrace.
Natsuki's hands hung at her side. Her mouth opened in surprise, but no sound came out. Shizuru's head fell onto her shoulder.
"I want to date you, Natsuki. You don’t have to say yes to that, but can you just tell me if it's alright…if I pursue you?"
Natsuki's mouth was dry. Her mind whirled.
They stood in silence for a minute, then another, as she weighed her words. Finally, she moved one hand, tentatively, to rest on Shizuru's lower back, in a gesture she hoped was comforting.
"It's alright," she whispered.
She felt Shizuru shiver against her. Natsuki gulped as she heard Shizuru sigh, slowly and deeply.
"Just, uhhh. Don't get your hopes up though."
Shizuru chuckled softly, and Natsuki felt her nuzzle her forehead deeper into Natsuki's shoulder.
"Oh, Natsuki. It is far, far too late for that."