Work Text:
Lu Guang looks very kissable today.
In Cheng Xiaoshi's mind that is plagued by boredom and staring into the distance thinking what he should make for dinner as he mans the counter, he knows that isn't a normal observation to make about one's own roommate, especially his own - not when said roommate has the most devastating looks and has a habit of chewing his bottom lip until it's all pink and okay, maybe it is normal. A tad bit.
Finding someone attractive is totally normal! Even when he is his best friend, roommate, closest companion?
Point taken. Cheng Xiaoshi can't quite help but be distracted when Lu Guang just. Looks like that!
Lu Guang only serves as a distraction worthy of taking Cheng Xiaoshi's important attention away when there's something that's on his mind. His overthinking tendencies aside, Cheng Xiaoshi sees how more on edge he is today. He has been flitting around in an unusual manner and has come to check on Cheng Xiaoshi with that nonchalant attitude of his, pretending he isn't more flighty than usual.
Even right now, he is scowling heavily as he sits on the couch. Cheng Xiaoshi peeks through and sees how his finger is tapping impatiently in that way whenever their food deliveries are often late. They haven't ordered anything, mostly to make sure they don't overspend their monthly budget, which is heavily enforced by Lu Guang himself.
Cheng Xiaoshi wonders if Lu Guang's regretting doing so. He can't quite guess what Lu Guang is feeling aside from agitation, wondering what had set him off.
He tries to touch on the subject a bit later on, when it's time to switch shifts.
"Lu Guang."
"Mhm?" He offers, distracted.
Cheng Xiaoshi hesitates, distracted himself as he looks at those pink lips pursing and if he leans in, he can maybe ki -
"Whatdoyouwantfordinner?"
Lu Guang stares. Then, he frowns. "Can you repeat that again?"
Cheng Xiaoshi doesn't squeak. He doesn't. He states calmly like the grown man he is; suave, practiced, controlled. "What do you want for dinner?"
Something painful flashes in Lu Guang's eyes. Okay, he only does that when Cheng Xiaoshi fucked something up, but he is clearly doing an amazing job here! Who fucked up asking their roommate what do they want for dinner?
"What do we have?"
"Uh," Cheng Xiaoshi does a mental calculation of what they have in stock, and comes up with a sad image of an almost empty fridge. "Noodles, rice, basic stuff."
"Noodles would be good." Lu Guang answers, clearly not aware of their current pantry state. That immediately puts Cheng Xiaoshi on high alert because he doesn't think a fidgety and unobservant Lu Guang is needed at the moment.
To prevent that, Cheng Xiaoshi must keep him well-fed. Don't let the hunger consume his mind and all that. While his mind races, he smiles brightly. "Noodles it is!"
Lu Guang nods before becoming all quiet and pensive once again. Cheng Xiaoshi leaves him be as soon as he's sure that Lu Guang settles nicely in place, scurrying to the kitchen to start making a good attempt at noodles from the measly ingredients they have. Despite the worrying thoughts flooding his mind, it's easy to lost himself in the routine as he pulls out the noodles and greens, the spices and condiments, the very pitiful amount of chicken breast left and others needed.
He thinks of Lu Guang's pinched expression, the stress on his face bright and clear for anyone to see. He thinks of Lu Guang's stilted demeanor, as if he's not quite there in the sense of reality. He thinks of Lu Guang's thin, pink lips -
Cheng Xiaoshi cuts the celeries more aggressively.
Just as he finishes cooking, Lu Guang is closing up shop. There's that slight hint of bluntness to his razor sharp focus in his movements, though he quickly leaves that aside when he steps near where Cheng Xiaoshi is filling their bowls.
They eat dinner quietly. Well, Lu Guang is. Cheng Xiaoshi prattles about anything interesting that happened today, from the mighty little dog their neighbour has that likes to tug on his pants to the immaculate gossip Qiao Ling gave him about Xu Shanshan's doings. Lu Guang stays as an attentive listener and even though Cheng Xiaoshi is absorbed with recounting his day, he still notices the tension disappearing from Lu Guang's shoulders and his eyebrows smoothening slightly.
By the end of dinner, Lu Guang's mood has lightened a lot. He sits with ease at the couch, more like himself as he flicks the pages of his book. Cheng Xiaoshi watches with a satisfied grin, to which Lu Guang notices. Cheng Xiaoshi isn't being subtle, anyway.
"Why are you so happy?" He asks, eyes lifted to scrutinize Cheng Xiaoshi's shit-eating grin.
"Can't I just be happy looking at my roomie?" He shoots back, throwing himself on the deadbeat couch beside Lu Guang. He sinks into the frumpy cushion, hearing him snort before he goes back to his book.
Throwing an arm around him, Lu Guang yelps when Cheng Xiaoshi moves closer. "What are you reading?" He says nosily, trying to peek at whatever wordy book that catches Lu Guang's attention for the week.
Clicking his tongue, Lu Guang moves his book away. Cheng Xiaoshi can easily grab it, but he chooses not to as he watches with bated breath at Lu Guang's moving lips. "Stop bothering me."
"Aw, you know you don't mean that!" Cheng Xiaoshi pouts, taking the opportunity to wrap both of his arms and pull Lu Guang into a tight hug. Lu Guang yelps again, trying to push him away.
Lu Guang smells like their shared detergent, and something just distinctively like the instant coffee he brews every morning. What if Cheng Xiaoshi just lifts his head a tiny bit? What if he steals a taste by pressing his lips on -
Okay, stop! Lu Guang's his roommate, his closest, bestest friend ever, he should really stop having these inappropriate thoughts about him. Cool, Cheng Xiaoshi. You're cool. Remind yourself of the three Cs. Act calm, cool and clear!
Lu Guang pulls his lips back in a grimace, and Cheng Xiaoshi now effectively no longer practicing the three Cs, is instantly enraptured at those lips parting apart to show the hint of white teeth and the tiniest sneak of tongue.
Cheng Xiaoshi feels instantly hot and bothered, his body temperature suddenly rising. For sure, he is no longer cool, but the extreme opposite because he feels like he just got sunburnt by a thousand suns. Then, right there on the couch pressed so dangerously close to Lu Guang after a sated dinner where he definitely didn't spend just staring at Lu Guang, there comes the unbidden, traitorous thought crossing Cheng Xiaoshi's jumbled mind:
What if he kisses Lu Guang?
As quick as it appears, he vanishes it, kicking it somewhere where he hopes won't see the light of day. Yet, he can't help the flush filling his cheeks from the thought of kissing Lu Guang and oh no, Lu Guang himself the man who he desperately does not want to kiss is looking at him all weird.
"Cheng Xiaoshi." He begins, and the sight of his mouth shaping his name reddens his face more. "Are you okay?"
No, I WANNA KISS YOU!
"Yea." He breathlessly says. Coughing, he tries again. "Yes! I'm okay."
Surely, people want their best friend to shove their tongue down their throat? Or they don't?
While Cheng Xiaoshi is deep in his internal turmoil, Lu Guang has extracted himself gently from his grip. There's a long look of concern directed at him, but as Cheng Xiaoshi keeps on smiling reassuringly and definitely not thinking if it's socially acceptable or not to kiss one's best friend, Lu Guang shifts his gaze back to his book.
Well. Cheng Xiaoshi dreadfully thinks, that is an awful realisation.
The awful realisation doesn't pass over as Cheng Xiaoshi has expected it to be. Instead, as if sensing his determination to stop thinking about it, it roots itself deep in his brain like an annoying parasite and begins to haunt his thoughts, laughing in his mind where it bounces all week long whenever Lu Guang as much as turns his head to look at him. It begins feeding his mind traitorous little what ifs. Completely harmless! But still equally devastating to him who had never thought of such despicable things.
What if he holds his hand? No, he pulls himself back.
What if he wipes a thumb over - ? NO!
What if he tells him the sun looks good on him today - and look positively mad? No, thank you!
Lu Guang should be grateful for Cheng Xiaoshi's impeccable self-control because if he has had his ways, they would face such a worrisome crisis regarding his impulsiveness. Never mind the shame building in Cheng Xiaoshi's own guts. He shouldn't have this — this kind of devastating urge towards his best friend. Lu Guang asked for none of this when he saddled himself with Cheng Xiaoshi, willingly being a permanent part of his life that fits him perfectly, akin to a missing puzzle piece slotted in place to make this home truly feels like its moniker.
Deep down beneath the growing pit of shame lies an entirely different feeling, something Cheng Xiaoshi is accustomed to ignore, but upon confronted with a life-shattering realisation, finds it no longer possible to treat insignificant. On his bed with shame clogging his throat, Lu Guang's quiet, rumbling snores from above not calming down his thumping heart, Cheng Xiaoshi carefully dives down and acknowledges the fear stirring trouble inside him.
What if, what if -
What if Lu Guang abandons him?
Lu Guang keeps on snoring. Cheng Xiaoshi exhales heavily, dozing off to a fitful sleep where a pair of huge humanoid lips chase after him.
It's idiotic. Stupid. Foolish as what Lu Guang would say. If his mind doesn't want to stop thinking about it, Cheng Xiaoshi will force himself to stay away from Lu Guang until this pesky desire decides to die down on its own.
He can never leave Lu Guang alone, that he knows. He would rather be shot by a gun before that happens, so he instead retracts his hand whenever Lu Guang is near. There is that very much needed (always requested by Lu Guang) distance whenever they sit on the couch, and Cheng Xiaoshi could have given himself a pat on the back when he manages not to intrude into Lu Guang's personal space and give him any friendly touches that will undeniably ignite unfriendly urges.
In return, Cheng Xiaoshi survives an encounter with his sanity intact and Lu Guang's lips unkissed. A win! Even though he still feels like he got sucker-punched in the stomach and left out in the streets.
Everything is going well. Business continues like normal. Cheng Xiaoshi wrestles with that dastardly urge everyday like an overgrown weed in his garden. Lu Guang remains oblivious.
Then, one unbidden afternoon, Qiao Ling declares in that no-nonsense tone of hers. "You're avoiding Lu Guang."
Cheng Xiaoshi chokes on his own spit. Qiao Ling watches with calm eyes as he doubles over, coughing the scratchiness in his throat away. "I'm -" He unintelligently squawks. "I'm not!"
"Say that to Lu Guang." She retorts, rolling her eyes.
Cheng Xiaoshi has nothing to say to Lu Guang because he doesn't know that Cheng Xiaoshi's avoiding him. Okay, he isn't avoiding per see! It's more of a tactical retreat to condition his mind to get on with the program that he doesn't want Lu Guang in that kind of kissable way or anything involving his lips on his body at all.
Qiao Ling retains her unimpressed look. She mumbles out, disapproving. "Boys …"
Her comment follows Cheng Xiaoshi throughout the remaining day even after he shooed her out. He is not ignoring Lu Guang, is he? Groaning, he rubs his head in a fit of distress, messing up his hair and purposefully avoiding eye contact when Lu Guang walks past him.
Lu Guang shoots him a glance, and Cheng Xiaoshi doesn't need the telepathic link between them to read between the lines: are you okay?
There is no telepathic link. Cheng Xiaoshi merely smiles, pretending as if he doesn't want to bask in Lu Guang's soothing presence and cry in his lap, lamenting about this stubborn desire that shouldn't have a place in their friendship.
It shouldn't.
Lu Guang halts. His hand raises before he stops, letting it drop to his side. "Cheng Xiaoshi." He licks his lips, "Do you perhaps need to lay down?"
Cheng Xiaoshi is not tracking the little swipe of tongue. "Nope! I'm doing all good, Lu Guang!"
He doesn't need to know that Lu Guang doesn't believe him, remaining unconvinced at his response. There's a painful pang in his heart from lying so easily at him, but he tries not to dwell on that feeling, suppressing it just like any stray emotion caught in his way lately.
They stand there, facing each other in silence. Cheng Xiaoshi prays Lu Guang will turn around and continue doing whatever he is about to, but his prayer is futile as Lu Guang opts to stay, voice full of concern as he says.
"If you have anything to talk about, I'm always here for you."
The pang in his heart feels heavier and sharper. Cheng Xiaoshi breathes through the imaginary pain, refusing to lift his eyes from the floor. (When did his head even fell, refusing to meet Lu Guang's disappointed gaze?)
He rubs his nape. "I appreciate the concern, Lu Guang, but don't worry!"
Lu Guang is quiet for a few seconds before he speaks up. "I'm going to the store. Need anything?"
"Can you get some chips?"
"That is not healthy."
"Once in a while, you gotta treat yourself!"
Huffing, Lu Guang steps out. The door closes shut behind him, leaving Cheng Xiaoshi alone with festering guilt and a feeling he had fucked up beyond imagination.
The sight of his favourite chips in Lu Guang's hands later doesn't make him feel any better.
how to confront your best friend
is kissing your friend normal
what to -
(furious typing and deleting)
@luluscrush
guys is it normal if you want to kiss your best friend
Reply from @absolutedemonlord
of course, i kissed my best friend
Reply from @luluscrush
what happened after ????
Reply from @absolutedemonlord
we're having a baby in july LMAO
Clicking his tongue, Cheng Xiaoshi tosses his phone onto the table. The sound of it clattering accompanies the irritation in Cheng Xiaoshi's heart from the useless posts he sees on the internet. Not a single one of them is beneficial to the situation he's landed himself in. In fact, they all appear to encourage him to man-up and kiss Lu Guang like he means it.
Lu Guang - his best friend, still oblivious to his predicament is sitting unbothered by his side. Cheng Xiaoshi wants to sob at all these sullying thoughts worming its way into their relationship, why can't they just leave him alone?! Can they see that he is perfectly happy with Lu Guang as it is. Nothing more is needed! Kisses are definitely not needed, moreso anything further than that.
Nothing that can ruin their friendship is welcomed. He must make sure of that.
Lu Guang lets out a loud sigh. It snaps Cheng Xiaoshi from his mulling, and he's definitely looking at Lu Guang when he sets down his mug of lukewarm tea on the table heavily. He looks serious, which is a common expression on him, but something tells Cheng Xiaoshi he's being more serious than ever.
"Cheng Xiaoshi." He begins. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Being called out so blatantly, he can't help but flinch a bit. "Nothing's wrong - "
"You're lying."
"I'm not!"
"You are." Lu Guang says sharply. "You've been uncharacteristic lately, I noticed."
"Must be the weather." Cheng Xiaoshi folds his arms, laughing weakly. "You know how hot it gets in the summer."
"You're not this weak to the weather." Lu Guang points out and continues before Cheng Xiaoshi can pretend to faint in his arms and prove that yes, his delicate body is extremely weak to the hot, muggish weather. "Did I do something wrong?"
Cheng Xiaoshi's first thought is to deny it because Lu Guang could never do anything wrong. His second thought is that if he denies it, then Lu Guang will definitely think he has done something wrong, which once again is totally wrong!
There's silence as he struggles for something to say, his usually quick tongue twisted in knots.
Lu Guang's expression darkens. It's barely there, but Cheng Xiaoshi hasn't known him for years without developing the ability to read the miniscule changes of his mood. Shocked, he remains rooted to his seat as a sick feeling washes over him. He doesn't like to see Lu Guang upset. He never wishes it to happen, but right now, Lu Guang is feeling hurt over Cheng Xiaoshi's own selfish actions.
This is not what he wants.
As Lu Guang remains quiet, Cheng Xiaoshi feels more uncomfortable. He tries to swallow, but his mouth is dry. He forces himself through it, fidgeting with his fingers.
"It's -" His face burning, his voice drops into a murmur. "It's something so, so, so stupid. You'll think that I'm stupid."
Lu Guang stiffens. Then.
"You're always stupid."
It catches him out of surprise, but Cheng Xiaoshi soon barks out a laugh. "You haven't heard what it is about yet, Lu Guang!"
"If you have to avoid me because of it, then yes, you're stupid."
"It's … " Cheng Xiaoshi stops. "Lu Guang, promise me you won't think bad of me if I say this, okay?"
Lu Guang raises an eyebrow. He stares at him, searching for something. He nods.
Taking a deep breath, Cheng Xiaoshi stutters out. "I - "
Lu Guang keeps staring at him, focusing on him and Cheng Xiaoshi's heart beats traitorously loud. His fingers are clammy. At the same time, he wishes for Lu Guang not to stare so intensely at him with those knowing eyes of his or with those lips. Just looking at those lips makes him want to -
"I wanna kiss you."
Lu Guang's eyes widen, and his breath hitches. Cheng Xiaoshi resolutely looks down at where his fists are balled up, giving him the needed support for the confession he just uttered. Fear swirls in his guts, the possibility of rejection strong enough to nearly leave him breathless. He doesn't notice when the roar in his ears dissipates, only that when Lu Guang gently touches his knuckles, it makes him let out a pathetic whine.
Please don't look at me all weird, please don't reject me, please don't walk away -
"Cheng Xiaoshi, you're stupid."
I'm so stupid. Wait, why isn't he getting angry?
"Are you really that stupid to think I would hate you for this?"
"But it's me wanting to kiss you!" Cheng Xiaoshi blurts out, lifting his head. "It's, I'm not supposed to wanna kiss you. Don't get me wrong, you're a catch and have a hot piece of ass, Lu Guang, but as your MMMPPPFFFFF?"
A hand over his mouth, Lu Guang scrunches his nose. "Let me finish, idiot."
Cheng Xiaoshi stops struggling, staring fixatedly at the red flush in Lu Guang's cheeks.
He has never watched Lu Guang being at lost for words. One way or another, Lu Guang always has something to say - a snarky quip, a low mumble or a lengthy scolding. Now? It's clear as day that he is incapable of saying anything. His fair skin is ripe red, the colour of embarrassment and his lips are set in a trembling, shy line. Oh, Cheng Xiaoshi really, really wants to kiss him right now.
Sighing, Lu Guang says. "To be honest, I thought while you were avoiding me that I had done something bad. You weren't doing anything out of the ordinary, so it was only fair I thought I was the problem. However, I see now that you're just being stupid again."
Cheng Xiaoshi's protests are muffled.
"You just want to kiss me." Lu Guang says without remorse, ignoring Cheng Xiaoshi's trashing form. "I assume this has been going on for a while. I'm actually impressed you didn't lose control and kiss me."
Cheng Xiaoshi breaks free from his grasp. "I would have if I don't know you won't like it!"
"I would like it."
His jaw on the floor, Cheng Xiaoshi can only let out an incredulous huh? as Lu Guang says. "You can kiss me and I would like it, Cheng Xiaoshi."
A long silence ensues where Cheng Xiaoshi tries to digest all that information. Holy shit, Lu Guang wants to kiss him too? He wants to kiss him too? They want to kiss each other?!
"You wanna kiss me, Lu Guang?"
Lu Guang turns his head to the side, the tips of his ears red. "That's not what I said."
"Yes, yes, but, I can kiss you? You'll be fully okay with it? You won't make me sleep on the couch if I do?"
Lu Guang snaps at him. "Will you shut up and kiss me already or do I need to kiss you?"
Cheng Xiaoshi gapes at him, too stunned to be embarrassed. "You will kiss me?"
Glaring at him, Lu Guang grabs him by the front of his shirt until their noses are touching. Everything flees Cheng Xiaoshi's mind except for the heavy pounding in his heart, the warmth as they're pressed this close and the glimmer of Lu Guang's grey eyes as he looks at him.
He doesn't know who reached out first, but the next second he knows, their lips are touching. There's a sudden realisation that he's kissing him! He's kissing Lu Guang and he isn't pushing away - Lu Guang pulls him closer instead, hands on his face as he deepens their kiss as if he knows exactly what Cheng Xiaoshi's thinking.
Cheng Xiaoshi in return is no longer capable of rational thought. Lu Guang's lips are soft and chapped. He tastes like the oolong tea he had early, bitter with that overpowering sweetness from the many sugar he put in. He feels so nice, his lips are heavenly, Cheng Xiaoshi is floating in the clouds. Why didn't he try to kiss him way sooner?
They break apart for air. Lu Guang is all flushed, pupils dilated as he heaves. Cheng Xiaoshi's hands find themselves around Lu Guang before they kiss again, so soft and slow. He can do this forever.
Lu Guang grunts. He tilts his head, ignoring Cheng Xiaoshi's whine as he shoots him a frustrated look. "Hands off."
Hands off, oh - Cheng Xiaoshi is groping his butt cheek. Heck, he wonders when did his hand wander there.
Grinning, he squeezes the soft glob. Lu Guang sucks in a sharp breath, gritting his teeth. "Cheng Xiaoshi."
He is ready to give him a sly smirk when he squeaks, feeling a hand squeezing his own. He bats the offensive hand away, watching as Lu Guang smiles in triumph. "Lu Guang, you pervert!"
"You started it."
"Doesn't mean you can grab my butt! Haven't you heard of consent, Lu Guang? Consent!"
Lu Guang huffs out, the smile still toying on his kissable lips. "You talk too much."
Leaning forward, Cheng Xiaoshi smirks. "Stop me then."
He does.