Work Text:
i.
College parties were always a blast for him.
Despite how Sangwon was—introverted and rather reclusive—he enjoyed a good time with his friends. He had delighted himself with alcohol here and there, though, while it used to be to accompany his forlorn expression, nowadays it was just to live a little more than usual.
And, now, he had a pretty brunette in his arms. Something he didn’t have last year.
“Hyung,” the boy in question called mellifluously, his arms circling Sangwon’s neck, “what’re you smiling to yourself for? You look like a dumbass.”
Sangwon carded through his jet-black hair with his hand, his cheeks aching after realising how long he’d smiled. “What? I can’t be happy for having fun here?”
“You knoow that’s not what I’m saying,” Anxin laughed, his dimple protruding sweetly.
They swayed like prom sweethearts, unaware of the dos and don’ts of dancing in the sea of intoxicated college students who were not any better in their steps. It was not the best place for… anything, really. Sangwon could smell the sweat and cheap beer in the air. Hell, he could confidently say he’d DJ better than whoever was in the booth right now.
But Anxin’s face, bathed in the borrowed glow of blue and red lights, became the very soul that made the night unforgettable.
As the partygoers became even more erratic, Sangwon drew Anxin close by the small of his back.
“The DJ’s terrible,” Anxin whispered to his ear.
Sangwon laughed, resting his forehead on Anxin’s shoulder. “I know, right?”
“You should’ve been there,” the brunette replied, equally giddy. “But I’m glad you weren’t.”
“Yeah?” Sangwon breathed.
“Well, if you were there, hyung, you wouldn’t be here with me, dancing like a drunken man even though he's not even that tipsy,” Anxin grinned, his hands messing up Sangwon’s matted hair.
“Anxin-ie,” Sangwon’s cheeks were seriously hurting by now, and it got harder for him to find a reason to bite down his smile. “If you’re bored, I can take you back. On our ride, you’re responsible for my car’s aux.”
Anxin shook his head adorably. “Hyung, my apartment is very close. The only song we can play probably won’t even finish by the time we arrive.”
“Then I’ll take the scenic route.”
That phrase seemed to always tickle Anxin. Tonight’s no exception, too. “Okay. Take me home, then, hyung.”
ii.
"Are you finally going to admit it?"
Sangwon paused his repeated activity of lifting a glass vial, uncapping its lid, and inhaling the scent. He raised his eyebrow wordlessly to Leo, the culprit of the question.
"Sangwon. We've been in this shop for, like, an hour to find," Leo raised his hands to airquote, "the perfect perfume. For Anxin-ie."
"You said you weren't busy?" Sangwon asked.
"I wasn't. And I'm not, though now I kinda wish I am," Leo shot back, "I thought Anxin-ie clearly said he didn't need a new perfume?"
As if what Leo said was an unimportant detail, he continued to browse through the selection of perfumes in front of him. "He's running out of his soon. He's been borrowing mine—oh, this one is close. Hold this for me, hyung."
"Hold on, now. And what's stopping you from asking him what perfume he usually wears and save you the horrors of buying two that kinda smell like him?" With now two perfumes in his hands, Leo held them both in each hand and put forth as if to prove his point.
Sangwon stopped on his tracks again, now looking at Leo like he's the crazy one. "Then he'd know? You know he insisted no one, including me, was to buy him a new one."
"Alright, cool. Then," Leo raised both his eyebrows, "you're dating Anxin-ie, aren't you?"
Flabbergasted, Sangwon stared with his mouth agape. "No? "
"What do you mean, no?"
"Exactly that," Sangwon replied. Despite his words, the tip of his ears went red at the insinuation. "I'm just buying things for him. Is it really that weird?"
At a loss for words and, admittedly, defeated, Leo shook his head and silently looked at the perfumes in his hands in disbelief.
Nearby, a sales associate approached quietly, offering a knowing smile but saying nothing, allowing the conversation to simmer down first. After a beat or two, she cheerfully raised her voice, “Would you like me to assist you?”
“Thank you. Do you have anything that smells like dry vanilla that feels cosy and mildly spiced rather than overly sugary or sweet? There's this subtle spice in it, too,” Sangwon described what he remembered of Anxin’s scent in days when he didn’t wear his perfume (and decidedly chose to ignore Leo’s expression while doing so). “It has a… fresh touch with citrus and a bit of green herbs, so it’s not heavy or cloying, too.”
iii.
It was quite a chilly day. Sangwon had anticipated that alongside the weary yet relieved faces of his peers. After all, it was the end of the finals week. His mental drainage was, fortunately, not as bad as the wind. He strided forward, hands deep inside the pockets of his puffer jacket as he exited his faculty building.
As he was about to put on some music, he met Anxin’s familiar beaming smile.
“Sangwon-ie-hyung! ”
The black haired man smiled as he was called. “Where’re you heading, Anxin-ssi? ”
“Don’t call me that. You make me sound old. I’ll call you harabeoji if you keep it up!” Despite his words, Anxin beamed like Sangwon just told him the funniest joke.
“I’ll be wrinkly by then,” Sangwon pouted, elbowing Anxin’s arm in retaliation, “would you still find me handsome?”
Anxin grabbed his chin as if in thought. “Depends. Would you still remember me by then?”
Even though his voice didn’t waver, as they walked, Sangwon observed that Anxin’s shoulders jolted slightly and his teeth clattered ever so slightly. His fingers were fidgeting on the hem of the blue hoodie he was wearing—clearly not warm enough for him.
Anxin’s always good at that – masking things he didn’t want to show.
Unfortunately, Sangwon’s always good at noticing.
“Anxin-ie. Stop for a while.”
As the wind blew their hair and the leaves swept the ground gracefully, Sangwon unzipped his jacket and draped it on Anxin’s shoulders. He was just half a size bigger than Anxin, yet… perhaps because it was a puffer jacket, it looked big on him.
Sangwon swatted the glee he felt just then.
“Should’ve brought a jacket, dumbass,” Sangwon pinched Anxin’s nose in the hopes that the younger boy didn’t see how hard it was for him to bite down his smile.
“Could’ve just said it nicely! Like Korean dramas!” Anxin complained, a smile still adorning his beautiful face as his arms were getting into the sleeves of Sangwon’s jacket. “Like, Anxin-ie. It’s cold outside. Wear my jacket.”
“Tell Junseo-hyung to do that, not me.” Sangwon really, really wished the heat on his cheeks and the loud heartbeat of his was merely due to the wind.
“Be nice, or I’ll never give you back your jacket,” Anxin threatened, seemingly comfy in his jacket. Too comfy. He nuzzled his head inside the collar, and Sangwon wished he were in his room alone so that he could scream his aggression out.
As if God wanted life to be even more cruel to him, Anxin said, “You smell nice.”
“I have to. I’m not like other guys, y’know?” Sangwon laughed. He hoped it wasn’t too loud.
iv.
“Oh, you guys are dating?”
Junseo scratched his neck, which he could bet wasn’t even itchy. “Yeah. It’s been… a while.”
“Get a load of this guy,” Leo pointed at his boyfriend with his thumb.
“Okay, wait. So, suddenly, Junseo-hyung is in a relationship with Leo-hyung,” Harry-June pointed at the two as he spoke, then faced Sangwon, “and Sangwon’s still celibate? Like, you’re still in the closet or something?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not something you should be able to say…” Junseo raised his hand and piped in.
“No, he’s right,” Leo replied as he lowered Junseo’s hand. “I’ve known hyung roughly as long as he knows Anxin-ie, and we dated since, like, three months ago.”
“What? Wait, you guys have been dating for three months? ” Harry-June flexed his eyebrows and looked at Leo incredulously. With the amount of head whips he’d done for such a short time, Sangwon worried that pain relief patches wouldn’t help his neck when he needed it.
Kangmin shook his head as he spoke, “There are too many fucking elephants in the room.”
“We address this one by one. Sangwon. You have nothing with Anxin?” Harry-June’s brown hair bounced as he whipped his head to Sangwon’s direction.
“Hold on. I thought whatever Junseo-hyung and Leo-hyung got going on was more recent?” Sangwon deflected, pointing at Leo. “I have known Hyung since birth, and even his relationship was news to me."
Junseo looked away as if guilty, and Leo sighed. Even so, he held Junseo’s hand gently. “Hyung thought that if we made it public, it would ruin my reputation or something. Said him, the gayest man in the room, about me, if bisexual is personified.”
“See, Sangwon?” Kangmin flattened his hands as he referred to Leo, “concise. Simple. Mystery solved. You can do that, too, about you and Anxin-ie. You guys are in a secret relationship, too, aren’t you?”
Harry-June repeatedly lifted his eyebrows, demanding an answer from Sangwon. Leo didn’t seem to expect as much—bless his patience that had always been thin and had run out the last time he accompanied him for perfumes. Junseo was the most polite—looking out of all, gesturing that if Sangwon wanted a way out, he’d gladly help.
Leo sighed, “Sangwon, you know we’d be supportive, right?”
Sangwon mimicked the exhale after a short second. The cafeteria was quiet, but by the time he found his voice, it bustled again.
“No. I’m not in a relationship with Anxin-ie. Not even a secret one. Unless it means a platonic, public one, then sure.”
His friends grew silent for a beat.
Kangmin, looking like the most baffled and betrayed one, broke the silence first.
"Okay. So. Let me get this straight. This whole time, when you drive Anxin-ie back to his apartment after parties—at ass hours, mind you—it’s because you’re being a good friend? ”
Sangwon tilted his head a bit. “Is that not what you do to, uh, Gyehyeon-hyung? ”
“No,” Kangmin pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated. “I don’t buy him perfume with a bouquet of his favourite flowers I accidentally found along the way. Or give him my jacket when it’s slightly chilly outside—are you insane? ”
“How weird is it if someone does all that as a friend?” Sangwon asked, failing to hide his worry as he bit his lip.
Kangmin looked back at him, horrified.
“Lee Sangwon. Everyone thinks you’re dating Zhou Anxin, the bombshell of a sophomore from management. Why do you think girls and guys stop fawning every step you take? Why do you think people stop hitting on Anxin-ie as well?”
“Wait, people stop hitting on him? That’s good,” Sangwon sounded actually relieved as he spoke, “people have been… weird and handsy. They really need to get a hint.”
“Sangwon, that’s not the damn point!” Harry-June shook Sangwon’s shoulders.
“How about this? We start small,” Junseo interfered with Kangmin’s and Harry-June’s onslaught, “Sangwon-ie. Do you like Anxin-ie?”
“Who doesn’t?” Sangwon replied easily.
“No, I meant—how’s this. What if he dates Kangmin-ie?”
“What?” Sangwon and Kangmin exclaimed simultaneously.
“... okay. Bad example. Sangwon-ie, what would you feel if you were in a relationship with Anxin-ie? Like, the idea of it.”
Silence ensued again.
Sangwon’s face was red from embarrassment (from the thought of him in a relationship with Anxin, the prettiest man he’d ever laid eyes on) and hidden in his arms. He could bet his friends, supportive as they were, were circling his head in worry. He could also bet they were thinking, I told you so. He grumbled, “I think I’d be elated. And that I’ll hyperventilate. I’ll fucking die happy, probably.”
v.
“I heard that Junseo-hyung and Leo-hyung are dating,” Anxin said as he chewed the dalgona he had in hand.
Sangwon only hummed in response, eating his own as they walked.
“That sounds nice,” Anxin chuckled to himself, his breath escaped in a soft, visible puff—a delicate swirl of mist that quickly gathered and danced before dissolving into the cold fog surrounding them. The chill clung to their lungs, and each warm breath created fleeting clouds.
Even then, Anxin—clad in Sangwon’s jacket he had had in his possession for weeks by now—seemed glad he was out with Sangwon. “I wonder if dating’s that nice.”
“Yeah?” Sangwon absentmindedly replied, his unoccupied hand deep in his pants’ pocket.
Anxin looked up to the sky, now coated with a navy duvet sprinkled with stars. Snow danced with the lights around them, their eyes taking in the crowd, mesmerised by the dazzling light displays at Lotte World. Even amidst all this dazzling beauty, he couldn’t find anyone or anything who rivalled the brunette standing beside him.
“I mean, I’ve dated people. Even in college! I thought for a while the problem was me,” Anxin continued. “Like, I know I’m stunning. Aren’t I, Hyung? ”
Sangwon easily responded, “The prettiest, I think. I thought everyone knew that. If someone doesn’t think so, they’re blind.”
Anxin barked a laugh; his crooked tooth sweetly peeked from his rosy lips.
“What?” Sangwon looked at him, his brows knitted. He can't help but laugh along.
“You’re honest on things, so much so that it made my heart flutter, Sangwon-ie-hyung.” Anxin grabbed his arm and shook it lightheartedly. “You say things like that so lightly. Are you that honest with everyone? Or do you tell everyone in SNU that they’re pretty?”
The dark-haired man ruminated on his options. He could be honest again and said that Anxin was a rare comet streaking across the night sky—brilliant, captivating, and leaving a trail of awe in its wake and Sangwon’s heart. His heart was as beautiful as everything else, too—how could he not find it so fine?
But then, what if it ruined what they got going on? He was not looking forward to becoming a depressing drunk again this quickly.
So he opted for the safest one, “Does it matter?”
Anxin hummed. “Maybe not. I mean, so did people that I dated said. I am the most handsome, the most beautiful, yadda yadda. It didn’t work out, hyung.”
He decided to do something that was so, so dangerous to his heart – hooking his arm to Sangwon’s as he lay his head on Sangwon’s shoulder. Ah, they were starting to look like the couples around the venue.
“... but why are you still here? You call me pretty, drive me home, give me gifts.”
Sangwon scrunched his face. God. I’ll die. I’ll fucking die.
“Do you think it’s better if I wait for another one and try again? Or do I get to hear you knock on my door, once and for all, and open it for you?”
Sangwon whipped his head as fast as Harry-June was when he was under an involuntary interrogation to face Anxin, meeting his eyes brazenly as a smile adorned the younger man’s face. He felt his face heat up, and definitely not by the snow. His lungs were going to fucking collapse.
“Duh-depends,” Sangwon cleared his throat, embarrassed by the stutter. “Um. Uh. Will you. Um. If I did. Um. Hold on, would you give me a minute?”
Okay. So this is an invitation, right? He’s not dreaming, right? The warmth of the body pressed against his arm is real. He was in Lotte World with the tickets he bought himself for two, but told Anxin Leo couldn’t make it, and so he invited him. Which was untrue, because Leo was probably getting his face eaten by Junseo since then. Anxin was wearing the jacket he lent that now smelt like the perfume he gifted him before, and oh God is this reality Sangwon was really going out of breath—
“I need CPR.”
Great job, Lee Sangwon. You sound like a fucking loser.
There was silence for a beat. Then two.
As if hearing a joke from a world-class comedian, Anxin let out a loud guffaw at that. Sangwon had never wanted to dig himself a grave any more than now. He was about to let go of Anxin from his arm when he felt familiar cold fingertips on his cheek,
And a pair of lips—sweet, with a bit of dalgona crumbs—greeted his own in a short kiss.
“Is that enough, Sangwon-ie-hyung?" Anxin breathed, eyes glimmering and oh my God Sangwon is in love and he’ll die young out of either diabetes or hyperventilation.
“Um. Uh,” he started, and Anxin giggled. God. “Am I… allowed to ask for more…?”
“Only if we’re dating!” Anxin cheerfully replied.
“Then we are,” Sangwon pathetically responded, out of mind and so, so in love. “We were. We are. We’ll always be.”
Anxin pecked his lips again, then smiled sweetly. “Good. Then we’re on the same page.”