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Gerard's been around enough to know how to "properly" interact with fans now. A smile, a picture, maybe signing something if someone had a pen and paper on them— all while engaging in short conversation if circumstance permitted it.
Sure, sometimes he'd break this pattern by sticking around for a bit after, really getting to know these people who oft worshipped him so dearly. Honestly, it got a little overwhelming sometimes. But there would be times where the people he met stuck out; whether in personality or even, though shallow, by looks - Gerard remembered a few quite clearly. Those were all in the past, though, back when he wasn't famous enough to have security accompanying him at every turn and back when he was young enough that doing this wouldn't seem odd or creepy.
But the divorce had left him feeling unfulfilled, somewhat. And Gerard wanted to go out again, to walk around freely with a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. Taking pictures and really enjoying his time without a damn care in the world.
Acting like he was in his twenties again.
Then, someone recognized him.
Gerard turned, throwing the half-burned cigarette on the ground and stepping on it for politeness sake. Before he could even confirm or deny his being Gerard, your eyes lit up like you'd just won a billion dollars or heard the best news of your god damn life. But it was none of those things, it was the mere fact that you met him. That fact alone made you look like this was the best thing that had ever happened to you as your hands clasped around your mouth and your eyes went all big and wide.
"Oh gosh, it is," You breathed, muffled. "Sorry, I... um, I'm such a fan. Uh, could I get a picture?"
It was adorable the way you stuttered, a blush creeping to your face as you began fumbling around for your phone. Gerard couldn't really pay attention to that, though, because you were just so pretty.
"Of course you can." Gerard said, and you nearly squealed.
Gerard thought that the moonlight brought out your eyes in a way that made the enchanted look you had really pop. You were like a kid at Disney, the way you couldn't stop smiling to yourself and how even your fingers were trembling slightly as you got everything prepared. Your hands looked incredibly soft— ridiculously soft, really. The surefire signs of youth. The surefire signs of someone way younger than a man halfway to his forties like him.
But he couldn't help but look. That dress you wore was beautiful, off the shoulder and with a breezy floral pattern. It was the kind of dress he'd see at malls, at all the trendiest stores a man like him had absolutely no business going to; depicted in online ads or those giant billboards aimed towards people decades his junior.
Finally, you brought out your phone from your cute little purse which had an even cuter keychain attached to it. Gerard noted that your phone was a newer model, way better than his. He also noted that your phone case matched your nails - pastel in color, small rhinestones in design.
You followed all the latest happenings, had the clothes and makeup as well as the hair of a fashionable young woman, and even angled the camera upwards in a way he'd seen countless times with other girls who seemed like you.
Trendy, competent with technology, and young.
After snapping a photo or two, there was a moment you took just to stare at it - again, like it was this amazing thing. Some sort of priceless artifact.
Thank you so much," You eventually stammered out all at once just as Gerard began admiring you again. "This... this means so much to me. I mean, I've discovered you guys fairly recently, but I just completely fell in love with everything about this band and especially you. I just find you so inspiring, and influential, and..."
Gerard sort of tuned you out after that. Not that what you were saying was boring or at all uninteresting, but because he simply just felt guilty. Because here you were, praising him til the sun rose and heralding his very existence, talking about him as though he were so virtuous when he was checking you out.
Eventually, your spiel came to a close and you looked at him for a response, eyes searching and desperate.
Gerard cleared his throat, "Those are such nice things, I'm so flattered," He blurted out a robotic, half-assed, and stupidly lame answer but you didn't look disappointed for a second. "But I'm surprised someone as young as you likes our music so much."
Oh, god, there it was. Gerard's absolutely sly way of asking how old you were as if that mattered. As if it would make him any less deplorable for thinking this way at his age.
"Well, I'm not that young," You giggled, and Gerard gulped in anticipation "I'm nineteen, so."
Hearing that felt like a punch to the gut. Nineteen. When he was a whole teenager at the grand age of seventeen, you were bundled up in your mother's arms. While you were learning your ABCs as your parents fought over trying to get you to say "mom" or "dad", he was getting his high school diploma.
You were just eight when the band began.
When you turned thirteen, he was already thirty and getting ready for marriage.
And just a year ago, while you celebrated your eighteenth birthday, he was doing the same but for his thirty-fifth.
Gerard looked at you again, your eyes had shifted to be slightly concerned, maybe even feeling sorry. Did you think you were bothering him? Gerard should be the one looking apologetic, he should just end this interaction here and never think about it again.
"Gerard, are you alright?"
The way you said his name was lethal.
He just needed to walk away. Say his goodbyes, thank you for being so nice, then walk the fuck away.
You put your hand on his shoulder, "Do you need to sit down?"
Against his better judgement and everything he stood for, Gerard nodded.
This was entirely sinful. Entirely sinful and entirely not how he should behave at his age. Gerard could have refused at any minute, and Christ knows that he should have declined your offer of letting him stay at your place which was nearby. A simple, "that's awfully nice, but I think I'll take it from here" would have sufficed just fine and any man even a smidge better than he was would have done so.
What the hell was he doing here, anyway? It wasn't as though he was actually sick or anything. Well, he was "sick", but not sick.
"Here, have some water." You offered.
"Thank you."
Gerard took it but didn't attempt to drink from it nor even unscrew the water bottle because he was just so damn distracted by being in your house. Well, technically your parents' since you still lived with them— Jesus, was that not insane? Again, what the hell was he doing here?
When he passed by the pictures of them on the wall, Gerard couldn't help but keep his head down even though they were just that. Pictures.
Gerard didn't want to think about how ashamed, how appalled they'd be to find a man nearly their age cavorting around with their precious nineteen year old daughter.
You were idly playing with a chunk of your hair, looking at the drywall parallel to the kitchen counter. After a beat, your nonchalant demeanour cracked and a small smile crept to your lips, "Wanna see my room?"
Another offer he should have declined. This one more precedent than the last.
But a shaky "alright" was what he said instead. And your eyes lit up like two tiny fireworks.
You grabbed his wrist and led him to the second floor, a little skip in your step. Your room was at the very end of the short upstairs hallway and it was very reminiscent of everything he'd seen about you so far.
There were posters absolutely everywhere, some even being on the ceiling! They were all from bands and artists alike, only a few deviating to be from cartoons or TV shows. But the majority of them were of his face and his band.
You looked a little shy, "Sorry, it's kinda cringey to have all this stuff up, right?"
"No, not at all. You're very passionate about my... or, er, our music."
You giggled into your closed hand, "I never thought that something like this could ever happen to me."
There it was again. That unfaltering admiration, that absolute devotion. The kind of devotion only found in churches or at temples, the kind of devotion which made your words quiver and your body stiffen because you were so nervous. When Gerard looked into those eyes, all he saw was your fidelity to him.
Faith, and perhaps even yearning? Gerard was sure he was yearning more than you were. He allowed his eyes to wander like they've been wandering; from your captivating face to your chin, your jawline to your collarbones, down your chest where the curve of your breasts sat comfortably in your dress and a bra he couldn't see - what kind were you wearing? Were you the kind of girl to hide a raunchy pair of lingerie under normal clothes? Or did you prefer comfortability? No fancy designs nor lace nor frills, just something to support yourself.
You must have noticed his utter perversion, the way your hands reached out again. Gerard allowed it to happen, almost leaning in as his breath hitched when you gently palmed his face.
A certain amount of boldness was needed to just grab someone's face like that, even if you were being incredibly careful. You were making him look you in the eyes. Still, it wasn't as though you were brimming with confidence or anything. No, Gerard felt the slight tremble in your fingers, the way your eyebrows were daring to furrow, and how you bit your lip in nervousness.
Gerard put his hand atop yours and leaned in.
This was far from his first kiss, but he hadn't had a kiss feel this magical in so long.
As expected, your lips were ridiculously soft, it made him a little embarrassed since his was probably chapped. Gerard tasted a bit of artificial fruitiness and a lingering sticky sensation on his lips from your lip gloss.
When he pulled apart, your mouth was still parted and you looked absolutely dazed.
That's when reality hit him. What had he done?
Gerard jumped back, the action so sudden it made you flinch and snapped you right out of the trance he'd unintentionally put you in. With a hand over his mouth, he wiped off the residue left by your makeup, "I'm so sorry. Please, just forget about this and—"
"Gerard." You said, and he stopped in an instant.
You took a few steps back and sat down on your bed, patting the spot next to you, "Come sit here, please." You requested, and he listened.
When he did, you leaned in, your fingers tracing the outline of his clenched jaw. Gerard felt your breath against his face as you got even closer, you even placed a kiss on his neck.
"Do you not want me?"
Your boldness. That brazen attitude paired with the guise of your shyness, it was the kind of duality that just drove him crazy.
"I..." Don't. Say don't. "Do."
"Then, please," You grabbed his hand with the same gentleness as when you grabbed his face. "Continue."
Much to his awe, you deliberately placed his hand on your own thigh, even clamping down on it so he had to squeeze it. Gerard almost groaned at the sensation, it felt like squishing a newly fluffed pillow and the still softness of your skin was so foreign to someone like him.
A middle-aged man who had no business touching the thigh or kissing the lips of a nineteen year old girl.
While your hair was fresh and plentiful, his was fried from the years of abusing it and had embarrassing tufts of messily dyed blond sticking out from underneath.
You had a closet filled with the latest fashion, his was indescribably dorky and consisted of nerdy designs or corny jokes on awkwardly fitting t-shirts.
Your face carried the kind of youth he hadn't experienced in so long. No wrinkles, no smile lines, no droopy eyelids nor those deep creases under your eyes which had become permanent staples on himself.
The photos of your early childhood were in color. His was mostly black and white.
Gerard withdrew his hand and the look on your face as he did so nearly broke his heart, "I can't."
"Can't or don't want?"
Can't.
Gerard had to take a breather before continuing, "You're just so young, you've still got a whole life ahead of you and tons of boys your age who can keep up with you, who have experiences similar to you. You deserve someone like that."
"I don't want that," You said, and it was so fervent. "Please, you're the only one I want. You don't know how badly I've been dreaming of this, Gerard. In my wildest of most delusional fantasies, this is exactly what I've wanted for so long."
Damn it.
He didn't even notice you were gripping his hands, pleading with both those sultry lips and expressive eyes.
When he didn't give you an answer, you dejectedly continued and let go of him, "But if you don't want to, then I can't force you." You sighed finally, resigned.
Force me? Gerard would have laughed if he wasn't feeling so bad.
"You couldn't force me."
His defences were crumbling. You didn't even have to fight him that hard. This undoing was by his own fruition.
Gerard wanted to bury himself again, this shame and guilt. You looked up to him so damn much and a responsible person his age would have left you here, even if it made you sad. But it wasn't as though his body tilting towards you like the heavier end of a scale was out of obligation, because he didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything. That was ridiculous.
Deep down, in the inner recesses of his own deplorable feelings, he desired you.
Gerard took you by the shoulders and gently pushed you onto the bed, the cheap springs creaking as your body hit it. You'd been oh-so direct with him, but in this moment, there was an undeniable naiveté to your decadent expression.
But then there was that duality again, as you kept your softly lit gaze directly on him, you started undressing yourself. It was a bit awkward with how your back was laid flat against the cushions, but that didn't stop your hands from sliding down the sleeves of your dress. The sleeves draped past your shoulders, revealing the top bit of the bra he was fantasizing about before fully being pulled down to the bottom of your torso so that your breasts were in full view.
Gerard was wrong. You were neither wearing something sexy nor plain. it was cute.
Pure, lily-white with lace decals all across the top and bottom with a little bow right in the middle
"Do you like what you see?" You teased.
"Yes." Gerard answered before his disgrace could stop him.
The stripping continued. Your panties matched your bra perfectly, Gerard fixated on this detail until you fully shimmied out of your dress and was splayed out in front of him in nothing but your delicates.
"Touch me," You whispered. "Just touch me, please. Don't think about it, Gerard, I want this, I need this."
Your desperation was as palpable as his own. And with your tender encouragement, Gerard's hands dipped down to slide your panties off and toss them aside. The sight of your pussy was almost enough to make him finish right there. It was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen, and so willing as you spread your legs for him to access.
Gerard didn't wait, because he knew his doubt and disgust with himself would have made him hesitate— only hesitate, however, since he knew he wouldn't be able to stop. Not for anything unless you told him to.
Which, as he got one last drink of your expression, he doubted would happen.
Your chest was slowly rising and falling in anticipation, so unbelievably focused on his every action as you waited for him to do something. Anything.
And so, Gerard indulged. In his sin and your pleasure.
Gerard started by kissing your inner thighs, making them slow just to hear your whimpers. He'd done this a hundred times before, that made him wonder if you were at all experienced. Even if you were, it wouldn't make you any less special but thinking that he would be the first man to make you climax made him more aroused than it should have.
"Am I your first?" Gerard finally questioned after he placed another kiss, it was a teasing one as it was right near your folds but not quite.
"... Yes."
Gerard's pants tightened, and so did the hold he had on your thighs as he finally went in with his fingers. You gasped quietly, in a voice that was barely above a whisper as he rubbed circles into your begging clit.
It was when he went in with his mouth that you couldn't hold back anymore. The second his tongue met where he'd been massaging, you were undone. Your tiny gasps turned big, sucking in your breath fully as your chest rose and fell quickly. Even your hands began to fly, scrambling to grab anything and finally landing atop his head where you softly grabbed two chunks of his hair.
Gerard moved as though he were kissing you. It was embarrassing how lewd the sounds were, Gerard slobbering all over your fragile bud as he went at it like a man possessed.
Your sounds kept him going, and your slew of incomprehensibly obscene moans drove him right over the edge. You just kept crying out, "feels so good" and "don't stop" over and over again in different intervals, tones, and pitches.
Using his fingers to spread you and get in deeper, Gerard slipped down to the rest of your pussy which was just aching for him. It was exhilarating to both see and feel the way your pussy swelled from his touch, growing more sensitive with every stroke his tongue made. You were so wet, and Gerard relished in it.
"F-Fuck, I feel... I feel, oh fuck."
Suddenly, that soft grip turned hard and Gerard moaned as he felt the sharp tug at his scalp. Your legs squeezed around him, his head was buried right in between the warmth of your inner thighs.
Gerard brought one of his fingers to your entrance, adding it in slowly as he began lightly sucking on your clit in between the licking and kissing.
You tugged his hair a little harder. Squeezed his head a little tighter.
Your moan began to sound like cries until your entire body just shuddered before completely freezing then immediately releasing all strength from your limbs as you flopped onto your bed.
Gerard wiped his mouth and sat up to loom over your still form. He felt a tug at his heartstrings when he saw how wrecked you looked. Makeup undeniably ruined, sweat making your little baby hairs and stray strands stick to your glistening forehead, your eyes looking like they were halfway closed.
Eventually, as he was admiring you, they fully fluttered shut and you remained this way. Gerard knew it was cheesy and totally showed his age by thinking this, but he thought you looked like the princess from Sleeping Beauty.
Ugh, how lame of me. Gerard thought, letting his head hang for a moment.
He'd half expected you to have your eyes opened by now, but they remained as though you were in deep slumber. Gerard resigned that you probably were asleep, then, and began carefully removing himself from your bed.
It was better this way; this way, he could spare himself some semblance of shame and maybe not feel so horrible since you seemed to have enjoyed yourself and that was enough for him.
Gerard carefully reached over to your panties since leaving you half naked like this couldn't be good. But the second he tried to do so, your hand lurched out to stop him.
"We're not done," You breathed, and that made Gerard stop whatever the hell he was doing. "Unless, do you want to be?"
Of course he didn't.
Your eyes wandered down to the hardness in his pants, Gerard tried to shuffle away because he was so ashamed. He hadn't been this hard in so long.
"Listen," He began, trying to control the shake in his voice to not sound so pathetic. "I'm fine with ending things here. I'm glad that I gave you a nice experience for your first time, but you don't need to feel inclined to make me feel good or anything."
"Are you kidding?" You interrupted him right there, suddenly sitting up now and being so close the tips of your noses were practically touching. "That wouldn't be fair now, would it? You made me have the best orgasm of my life so it's only fair that I do the same for you, right?"
You put your thumb on his lip, then titled his chin to make him nod.
"R-Right." Gerard ended up saying, like he was hypnotized by you.
You smiled so prettily as you leaned in for a kiss. After pulling apart, your hand drifted down like a leaf falling from a branch to his hand.
Gerard made a strangled noise when you guided that hand to your breast, first allowing him to cup it before mimicking the movements of him taking your bra off. Through the fabric, he saw the outline of your nipple, making his cock twitch.
Soon, he didn't need you to guide him to do what you wanted him to do. You turned around and Gerard unhooked your bra, putting it aside like he did with your undergarments. For a moment there, he admired your back. From your shoulders to your waist, he imagined what it would feel like if he grabbed it and started—
Gerard blushed. You turned.
He got a full view of your breasts.
They were the loveliest pair he'd ever seen. Gerard cupped one in his hand, fondly humming at how great it felt. How warm it was.
"Can we now?" You pleaded, snapping him out of his trance.
"What about a condom—"
"—Don't need one. Don't have one. I'm taking the pill, so you can go in raw and even finish inside."
Christ. "Are you sure—?"
"—Yes. Yes. Oh, god, yes. I've never been more sure in my life."
With every hesitation he had, you responded with the most enthusiastic of rebuttals to fuel the flames even more.
Then, you flopped right onto your back and said the words which would be his reckoning, "Take me."
Gerard couldn't take it. What was he to do? A beautiful girl was laying on a bed, completely naked, asking him to take her. Suddenly, for a moment, your age nor the fact that you were a fan seemed to matter as his instincts took over.
So, he took off his clothes, too. First was his stupidly bright red, Dr. Pepper shirt. Then, his jeans. And finally, his underwear.
It was then when he was reminded that this would be your first time seeing a cock, Gerard knew this from the way your eyes ever so slightly widened. But you still looked so deterministic.
Despite that, he began to feel some doubt. Like the rational part of his brain was turning back on in this haze of this lust-fuelled escapade. You admired him so much, and even now, even as his erection was dangling a few inches from your body, you looked at him like he was the best thing in the entire fucking world.
And that look and your words made him continue, because Gerard wanted this more than anything. Even if the reality of his age made him want to crawl into a hole.
Gerard took it as slow as possible because lord, if he ever hurt you, he would never forgive himself.
Like the start, Gerard started with his fingers. You were still so wet, enough that he was able to put in a finger without much trouble. The second one, he worked in gradually, all while keeping his eyes on you the entire time, studying your expression for any slight sign of pain.
"How does it feel?" Gerard asked, hesitant.
"It stings," You laughed. He stopped. "But keep going. Please?"
You had to stop begging him before he let that get to him.
By the time he'd put two fingers in, you murmured a small "wait" and he did so right away. You were shifting a little, squirming around to get accustomed to the sensation. Gerard stayed still and let you feel yourself out, quietly thinking about the way your insides were pressing and convulsing around him.
Biting your lip, you titled his chin down and that sent a shiver down his spine.
"Continue."
You let go of his chin and put your arms by your sides, looking at him through your eyelashes.
Gerard loved how his body moved at your command. That feeling almost made him feel giddy as he prepared you, being as careful as he always was if not more as his fingers stretched you. Your pussy twitched the same way it'd done so when he was done there - its color was so delicate, made especially so from the knowledge that he'd be your first man. That thought had been rattling around with every thought he had ever since you revealed it to him.
Finally, he felt as though you were ready. Gerard couldn't believe he was about to have raw sex with someone like you. Someone that was everything he wasn't. Someone who he was so undeserving of.
Gerard warned you before he could cross over the threshold of being anything other than deplorable, "We don't have to go on if you don't want to. Just tell me the words and I'll leave and we can act like this never happened."
Your stare like pools of yearning convinced Gerard that what he was saying was only filler. Made more prominent by your simple answer of, "I wouldn't dream of it."
So, he would cross over that threshold.
Gerard held his breath, focused on only your face, held your hips with the most amount of gentleness he could muster, and slid himself inside you.
The feeling was sensational.
You were so warm that it made him ache. Gerard immediately let out a low groan as his cock settled inside you, the comfort and pleasure combining into a sensation that made him lose all control over himself. You twitched, and every movement your body spared him was like heaven.
Your arms draped around his shoulders, connecting like a necklace at the back of his nape. You didn't say anything and by god, you didn't need to. That expression, Gerard could become obsessed with your facial features alone. Everything about you was pure pornography at that moment; the way your mouth was ever so slightly open, giving him the tiniest view of the whiteness of your teeth as you kept your eyes firmly on him the whole time.
Gerard couldn't help himself. He dipped down and quickly captured your lips, making you tighter for a moment.
There was no shame in the way he moaned. Especially as he started moving because it just felt too good to stay quiet. What did it matter, anyway? He'd gone off the deep end the second he came into your home.
While you clung onto him, Gerard buried his face in the top of your breasts, feeling them move against his cheek as he thrusted in and out of your body which cried out for him as much as he was crying out for you.
Opening his mouth slightly, Gerard took one of your nipples and sucked on it idly, in messy patterns which left the spot glistening with saliva while he fucked you.
You whined loud, nails digging into his back and Gerard let go of your nipples to mutter, "You're so good, so good— feels so good around me. Can't believe you're here with me... too good for me... too good..."
What was he saying, he didn't know. Gerard was sure he'd lost it by now.
"All yours, G-Gerard." You stammered, reminding him that you were just as vulnerable as he was.
Gerard pulled halfway out and hung there for a moment, catching his breath before he quickly sunk in, rougher than he'd intended to but his desperate hips just rutted into you without control.
You gasped and tensed around him, your pussy squeezing him even tighter than before.
The rawness of it all was what got to Gerard the most— figuratively and literally. Figuratively because this was the most animalistic he'd felt in a while; it made him remember how sex could be so good when done with the right person, how much it could ruin him. And literally because, well, he was inside you without anything even close to a condom. Something about that was hotter than it needed it to be.
Gerard could feel everything. Your insides, your wetness was directly spilling into his cock which, at this point, was drilling into you.
You were leaving scratch marks in his back but that didn't matter, Gerard loved the pain, really. Every time he'd feel the prick of your nails digging into his skin, it felt like a spike of some kind of drug, giving him a boost of energy to go even faster, even harder, more so than his middle-aged body would normally allow.
And there were your sounds. Your high-pitched and completely all over the place moaning, completely entranced in this experience.
Gerard grabbed your face with both of your hands and held you in place, lips on yours and you messily reciprocating his sudden kiss as his hips stuttered and he whimpered into you while finishing.
There were no thoughts in his head, only you. In this world, you were the only thing that was important to him in that moment.
You lightly tapped him, implying you needed air. It was then when Gerard realized that he'd probably been smothering you, so he forced himself up and took a few seconds before pulling out of you.
Losing that grip around his cock made him feel empty for a moment.
"Gerard?" You asked, quiet and strained.
"Yeah?" He was at your beckoned call.
"Can you... stay? For a bit?"
That request, you'd said it with so much sincerity. You were as dozy as a lamb and tugging at his arm, groggily gesturing to the spot next to you.
Gerard complied and laid down on the spot you wanted him at. The moment he did, you curled up right next to him, hugging his arm close to your naked body as you breathed slowly.
He held you right back.
The way your mouth moved into a smile was so obvious he felt it on his skin, and you got even closer before laying completely still. Gerard knew you were asleep now and he allowed you to be as he stared at the ceiling.
Thankfully, despite there being a poster, it wasn't his face or anything. It was of another band. Gerard read the big, bold letters over and over again as he felt the friction between your damp skin and his clammy arm dissolve until it felt like the two of you were just one being.
Gerard thought about what you'd said before this— "I never thought that something like this could ever happen to me"— it was deeply ironic to him because he felt the same. He, a divorcee and a member of a now defunct band, someone who could have been your professor rather than your lover.
Yet, you were cuddling up to him, exuding trust.