Chapter Text

No rest for the wicked

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. – Milton Berle

“…-and so, you could help him and-“

“Oh no, absolutely not!”

Geshu Lin hadn’t expected to meet Sanhua again. Honestly, he didn’t expect to return to Jinzhou at all. But fate had his ways (very strange ways!) and now here he was for the … what? Second? Third? Hell, maybe it was already the fifth week – doing his best to keep a low profile while running errands for Sanhua.

Why?

Well… Geshu Lin didn’t owe many people something in his life, but unfortunately this woman was one of them. And to top it off, she wasn’t half as cold as anyone thought her to be. No, if they were in Geshu Lin’s (quite miserable!) shoes, they would realize that this demon was not only well-versed in coercion but also in pestering him all day and night.

Sometimes, he wondered if getting devoured by the Ovathrax would have been an easier death.

“Lin, he needs you!”

Geshu Lin’s eyebrow twitched as she yelled at him (for the fourth time no less…) and he artfully dodged her pleading gaze.

“Oh, does he?”, he drawled out, voice full of venom accumulated over years full resentment, “Bet, he needs me just as much as back in the Battle Beneath the Crescent!”

Many would have felt awkward at the silence his words caused. That brat would have been one of them.

No.

He was not thinking about him.

Especially not when Sanhua was doing her best to drag him somewhere he never ever wanted to return to. That cursed night when he had laid there in his own blood with nothing but searing pain raging in what had been left of his body, he had sworn himself to never set one foot again in that damned camp he had once called home.

Oh, how foolish he had been.

Geshu Lin had had enough time to swallow down the pain and anger in these past four years, but in moments like these, he wondered if there was even a chance of escaping them in the first place. Maybe he should just give up on trying. ‘Rid yourself of all that chains down your soul.’ – My ass. He should have never paid attention to that quack in the first place.

It would be easy to march into the camp. And even if not, who even had the power to stop him?

That brat certainly didn’t.

It would take only seconds to burn everything (and everyone) to the ground. Sometimes, he really craved to do it. But not while Sanhua was alive. Although he officially gave a shit about Jinzhou, she was still a special case and he wasn’t heartless. Graciously, he would spare her the headache and wait for her to die before he would pull his small stunt of wreaking havoc everywhere. Or maybe he would just lean back and relax, ‘enjoy his newfound life’ as his little black cat had once advised him to.

Not that he would ever listen to his word. Nope.

“Lin...”

Sanhua’s surprisingly soft call made him snap back to reality. Damn, she looked pitiful. Ah… why was he so bad at saying no to her? Because she was otherwise so cool and composed, making it seem as if his words had really moved her? Or was it because he wasn’t used to see her this fragile after knowing her for more than fifteen years? Or was he just getting old and sentimental, unable to muster up his usual harshness which he had been known for all his life?

 Whatever, he had to stay firm. What she was proposing was ridiculous. No way in hell, he would agree.

“No, I'm not doing this. I told you – I will never return to the Midnight Rangers. Sanhua, be real here! If you were in my shoes, would you? After everything that happened? After what they did to me?”

Of course she didn’t have an answer to this. Geshu Lin inwardly cringed at the way he heaved. He didn’t want to get agitated, especially not in front of her. She was way too good at reading him. But hearing her so intently plead with him for something that was far, very far out of the window – it was so frustrating.

But deep down he knew that there was more to it. More, he didn’t want to admit, hell, he would rather cut his own tongue out. Rejoining the Midnight Rangers – it would never happen. But he couldn’t deny that he had once called them home. His only home for the past twenty years.  Even though the war had sucked (to put it mildly), there had been good times. Times with warm smiles, bright laughter, friendly chats at the campfire and booze to lift their spirits.  Times when it had been easy to pull a frail, way too cold body next to him close, ruffle his hair and tease him for as long as he pleased.

Times that were now nothing but ashes and dust.

“No. It’s not my damn problem that this idiot managed to get his leg fucked up beyond repair. I always told him that his stupid idealism would be his grave one day. And now what? He’s a cripple and I’m supposed to baby him? After everything that happened? Are you for real?”
“It would only be for a few months.”

“A few months?”, Geshu Lin laughed, his voice dripping with disdain, “Don’t delude yourself. He got slashed by what? One Dreadmane? Two? And as if that wasn’t enough, he managed to get himself slammed into a wall by a Chasm guardian? Sanhua, don’t make empty promises – you know me well enough to know that such stunts won’t work with me. He is not up to his feet in a few months.”

“We had the best healers treat him. I promise you, it won’t be long. And your assistance-“

“I’m not assisting shit. Especially not him and not there. Just get this stupid idea out of your head. I will not budge.”, he scratched the side of his waist. The scabs were slowly falling off. Thank Jue, it was so annoying to fight while being forced to be mindful of the wound. But it had been his fault. The Carapace hadn’t been supposed to hit him in the first place. Usually, it wouldn’t have been much of a problem. Back then, it wouldn’t have taken more than a minute for a frantic call and the soft pit-pattering of boots through the mud rushing to him and only him. Anxious hands flying over his body to check him for injuries before treating them with more gentleness he had ever known and deserved.

But those times were long gone and so, only the scabs remained, a dull reminder of a hole in his soul that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

“Please.”

Sanhua’s call was quiet. Meeker than usual. And although she was pleading, Geshu Lin could see how, albeit slowly, realization began spreading on her face. She was disappointed and yet she didn’t blame him. She understood. Nonetheless, Geshu Lin couldn’t help but feel bad for her in this pitiful state.

With a sigh he leaned against the chair in front of her desk and observed her for a moment, before he asked in a calmer, milder voice: “Have you even talked to him yet? He, sure as hell, wouldn’t want me there either. I have no idea what you think our relationship was like back then, but it wasn’t ... this. He would not want me there to help him. The combat medic I know would rather crawl beneath his bed in shame than admit that he's too injured to do his fucking job.”

He let out a dry laugh as he looked at the wall on the right where a photo stared back at him in derision. Three happy faces were laughing at him. Three faces that would never be reunited like this again. Sometimes, he wondered how it was possible for such warm smiles to be eradicated from one moment to another, how people could drift afar this quickly and this… silently. ‘Such is life’, the elders would say. But Geshu Lin couldn’t deny that it had frightened him back then to realize how wrong he had been with how he had perceived others.

No… not others.

Just Jiyan.

Quickly, he turned back to Sanhua, unable to bear the sight of the photo any longer. No, not ‘bear’, he didn’t care about it. Yes. Absolutely. Didn’t give a shit about it.

What a bad liar you are, Geshu Lin.

“He needs your support. More than ever. ", Sanhua softly interjected, her hand slowly reaching out towards him until it tenderly brushed along his wrist, “I give you my word on this.”

Geshu Lin tensed up at the sudden contact, but he didn’t swat her away. But he did heat his skin up just enough to be a clear warning. Sanhua pulled her hand back. But her gaze was sharp as the one of a predator, literally glued to him.

She was really dead serious.

Geshu Lin couldn’t believe that she would go this far. Especially for someone like him. Hell, he couldn’t even remember when she had last given her word to convince him of something. This was… odd. Was she really that desperate? Just how bad was Jiyan’s current situation?

“Even if he needs help that badly…”, he pulled his hand away, just to be safe and ultimately decided to cross his arms (not out of defense. As if someone like him was scared of Sanhua! Pfft.), “-I'm sure there are countless people who would wish for nothing more than to be of aid to the famous General of the Midnight Rangers.”, he snarled out, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Considering his halfway decent looks and 'outstanding' personality, I would bet my sword that they are already lining up to serve him.”

In the blink of an eye, he leaned forward, his hand slamming on the table as he hovered right over Sanhua and glared at her keenly: “I’m certain that you’ve been aware of it as well. And still you ask, no , beg  me...” For a moment a cold wave of uncertainty washed over him and for the first time, he didn’t really know how to approach this subject, how to get the information he desired without seeming weak. So, in the end he just hoarsely whispered one single word, heavier than all before: “Why?”

Jue, how weak his voice sounded. Pathetic. He had really grown soft. Emotional.

What a disgrace.

He swallowed hard when he saw Sanhua’s face soften, noticed this disgusting gaze full warmth and fondness he didn’t deserve. Had never deserved.

 He didn’t want to seem insecure in front of her. Who knew when she would be the one to betray him? After all, with Jiyan it had been the same. Blessed by his warmth for so long that he had started to believe in it, only to be thrown away like a broken toy.  He wasn’t allowed to let his guard down. And yet it was obvious that he wasn’t as steadfast as he would like to be. Sanhua’s behavior just utterly confused him. Fuck, he should have stayed traveling. Should have never returned to this hellhole filled with temptation of warm words, comforting hugs and fond gazes.

Damn this black cat and its propositions. He should have known. Weren’t these animals always associated with misfortune?!

“Geshu Lin, you know this country and its system better than anybody else. You know what it means to hold his title. Be honest with yourself: If you had sustained the same injury, would have accepted their help? Would you have wanted it?”

Silence had never been this deafening. And this obvious of an answer.

He had never wanted, let alone accepted help. But if his injuries had really required assistance, if the situation had been this dire...

He would have only allowed one person to help him.

Only one person…

Quickly, he banished the smile brighter than desert sun, warmer than the pitch-black sand of Desorock Highlands.

“My decision is final. I will not return. Not to Jinzhou, not to the Midnight Rangers, not to him.”

This radiant smile was long gone. Just as the times when it had been granted to him in abundance, sometimes even overabundance. Or so he had thought. But there were moments, seldom and full of darkness, when he regretted not relishing in this smile more than he had done.

Because now it was lost forever.

He shouldn’t be sad about it.

He shouldn’t.

…. He….

Sanhua’s shaky sigh made him snap back to reality, and he realized that he must have stood there like an idiot, indecisive and weak.

Geshu Lin was not weak.

As if it was as natural as breathing, his face contorted into a deep scowl and he whirled around, stomping towards the claymore leaning against the wall. He usually never let go of his weapon, hated it when it was just seconds out of his sight. Especially since the Battle against the Ovathrax. It wasn’t because he was scared. No, he had never been afraid of war – he breathed it. And still, he couldn’t shake off this restlessness whenever he didn’t feel the smooth golden ornaments of the hilt pressing into his palm.

He had never once told anybody about this. But one person had picked up on this shameful weakness, left it uncommented, no, even went as far as to bring him his claymore that one time he did get injured enough to warrant a stay in the infirmary.

Geshu Lin’s heart ached, his right arm prickling as if somebody had dunked it in warm water – right where Jiyan had once gently placed the claymore, accompanied with nothing but tender silence, devoid of any judgement or ridicule.

Geshu Lin’s steps towards the door grew slower.

Back then, he had been badly injured as well.

And Jiyan had tended to him.

But because it had been his duty! There was no reason to repay him.

He abandoned him and left him to be devoured by the Ovathrax, there was nothing this brat deserved from him.

“Please, Lin, just a few weeks. Jiyan would-"

Sanhua couldn’t finish her sentence. There was a bang behind the door.

‘Some idiot must have tripped on these two stairs in front of her office. Can’t fault them, they aren’t easy to spot.’ Geshu Lin’s mind commented, ‘I just hope they won’t come in there. No motivation to deal with a surprise reunion with the Magistrate or some annoying interview.

But then, a second bang echoed through the room, loud as thunder as the door flew open and a person fell straight through it. Right in front of Geshu Lin’s boots.

Geshu Lin’s stomach churned at the side of the teal-colored strands of hair.

Less kempt than usual.

And slightly longer.

A quiet groan made a cold shiver run down his back and somewhere in the distance he dimly heard a way too familiar name.

A name he had never wanted to hear again.

The man to his feet slowly looked up.

Combat medi-, no, General of the Midnight Rangers Jiyan was staring straight at him.

"General?"

Oh gracious Sentinel Jue…

Sincerely. Fuck. You.