Chapter Text
The uncharacteristically quiet and slow footsteps of the two men echoed off the stone floor. They walked down the long corridor in silence, each immersed in his own thoughts. Perhaps too tense and filled with uncertainty, frustration as the answers they sought only raised more questions.
Thin pale fingers barely held the swarthy ones. The other's gait seemed uncharacteristically light. Horus hesitated to voice this aloud.
The quiet footsteps began to slow further until they stopped altogether, and the younger demigod noticed the older man looking toward the ajar, patterned doors. It seemed that from those doors came a pleasant scent — something floral and milky at the same time — bringing with it a sense of calm.
Baths. Right.
Horus looks at the man with an expectant, silent question.
The man seems hesitant to speak for a moment, judging by his furrowed brows.
But eventually, his sharp shoulders drop, and a quiet exhale escapes his chest.
“He's... probably gone by now?”
In the deep voice one hears... hope?
Horus doesn't need to elaborate.
“I think so. I don't feel his presence.”
His thumb slides gently over the pale palm.
He could have asked directly whether Seth had changed his mind, but that felt… especially harsh now. Too abrupt. Something about the older man's silhouette made him want to be softer. Not to prod with caustic questions, not to lean into teasing. Just to hold this man gently in his arms.
And perhaps that’s why Horus grips the older man's hand a little tighter and lifts it to his chest, quieter, as if secretly recalling again:
“Want to try?”
The answer doesn't come immediately.
Seth lowers his gaze to the light-colored tiles beneath his feet. His scarlet eyebrows gradually relax, and the wrinkle between them smooths out, suddenly making his face look... especially open?
It felt like Horus had seen that emotion on the man’s face before, but couldn’t put a name to it.
Seth nods and allows himself not to lead, but to be led, following the tall young figure, his gaze drifting blankly around the room. He doesn't let himself dwell on all the scents that immediately hit his sensitive nose, instead, he tries to focus on one fresh, soft, and pleasant smell that keeps eluding him. It wasn't close enough.
He wanted to nuzzle closer.
His gaze barely registered the beautiful architectural shapes and details, reminding him that once, Seth had actually liked that sort of thing. It was strange… destroying so much, yet finding solace in tiny fragments of beauty. What a shame it wasn’t enough anymore.
The warm touch of a dark hand on his wrist draws his attention back, and Seth meets the attentive gaze of blue eyes glittering from beneath a golden beak. There’s so much beauty around, but you’re still looking at me. Like I’m worth more than the wonders of the world.
“Undress me..." Sounds in an almost husky whisper, somehow intimate, the way lovers usually whisper confessions.
For just a second, surprise flashes in the other man’s eyes, then an understanding and warm smile spreads across his thin lips. Seth is grateful for that. For the silence. For the understanding.
Horus moves closer, as if still unsure where exactly he’s allowed to begin, or what he’s allowed to touch. Seth feels the gentle gaze slide over him, sending soft goosebumps down his skin. Pleasant ones.
He gives in first, barely brushing his fingers against the young man’s hand. Taking it in his own, he lifts it up and runs his fingertips over the golden metal before a soft click sounds and the bracelet falls. Falls, but doesn’t disturb the comfortable silence as the wind catches it and lets it land softly on the floor.
The young man smiles understandingly and nods, repeating the motion with the older demigod's hand, gently caressing his skin with light touches. Seth doesn't allow the other's hand to break that light touch and... suddenly, his mind grows quieter. Emptier.
Under the pads of his fingers, he feels warm skin with small marks from the bracelets. Seth runs his fingers almost absentmindedly over the marks, gently stroking, as if to soothe the irritated spots. His hand slides higher on its own until his fingertips touch the golden tassels that run a ticklish feeling through him.
He removes that bracelet too, and the gaze of red eyes lingers on the now-bare arm. Beautiful. Strong.
If he crumbles now, then... will these hands catch him? Or let him fall into that abyss...
Oh, right.
He can't turn into sand now.
The man has to muster the rest of the strength in his numb body to hold himself in place.
Suddenly, he flinches and a small shiver runs through his body as those young hands gently touch his shoulders and slide further to the back of his neck.
Before, this might have alarmed him. But now he meets that gaze — silently asking permission.
It seems silly to Seth...to keep asking him over and over again. And yet, it brings that tight feeling in his chest. Gratitude. Again and again.
The older demigod lowers his gaze, giving in trustingly and tucking his own hair back on his shoulder, letting rough fingers undo his usekh. It's foolish, but somehow it feels as if the weight of more than a damn gold piece of jewelry is finally leaving his shoulders and taking another new breath is getting easier.Seth almost grabs the other man’s wrist, wanting to bury his nose in it and finally inhale a full breath.
Need to hold on. Just a little longer, at least. Save what's left of his former pride.
He squeezes the other man's forearm a little tighter with his fingers. Without the strength to raise his hands higher. It's like he can't move even a little bit more.
It hurts.
Seth forces himself to stay upright, but when the gentle hands touch his waist and gently embrace him, it becomes easier. Safe. The wind flutters the falcon headdress at last and drops the rest of the other's jewelry to the floor, right next to Seth's.
“I’m here. I’m right by your side.” Horus whispers softly, peering into scarlet eyes.
Seth believes.
Swarthy fingers slip gently down his thigh and tentatively touch the black fabric.
“Can I…?”
The man slides his gaze down Horus' arm. Suddenly so familiar to his body.
He covers it with his own and carelessly unties his own shendyt, then reaches for the light one in the same way.
Seth absently lingers his hand on the dark thigh, running his thumb along the hip bone. Will it become a habit for him to hug those thighs?
To think he'd been so jealous of the size and strength of this youthful body, only to now think he liked when it felt like this.
With Horus hugging him whole, it feels like he's back in that funny feathery cocoon where he can't see the crumbling world around him. Safe.
Pale fingers more carefully and slowly pull the light-colored fabric off Horus' thighs, letting himself linger to prolong some special... intimate moment.
Seth exhales noisily, finally pulling away and looking up. Then points with his eyes to the edge next to him.
“Sit down.”
Horus doesn't ask. He obediently follows the request and slowly lowers himself into the water, then turns his head to the older man and stares waiting.
And there's this lump stuck in Seth's throat, suddenly preventing him from even exhaling.
The man knows he should at least ask. Give some sort of explanation for his behavior. And it's easy. No, really, the words he could use to explain it all were simple, but too frank.
Seth... never did that in front of others.
Thin fingers clenched helplessly to white knuckles and his eyebrows frowned again.
Until suddenly his cold skin is touched again by a warm, dark hand. And Seth is stared at by those understanding and gentle eyes, whose owner seems to require no words and simply holds out his arms to him.
Ready to catch him. Ready to hold him.
Ready to accept him.
Seth exhales sharply, feeling his knees buckle and he has to force himself to take just one more step forward so that he can finally fall onto the young man's thighs and press his chest as close as he can, so that he can feel Horus' breath and the soothing beating of his heart. The older demigod squints, dropping his head onto the broad shoulder and burrowing his nose closer into the small hollow near the shoulder, helplessly lowering his arms. He squirms against the warm skin, trying to warm himself, to steal just a little bit of the warming caress.
No, not steal. Take it, because Horus is embracing him, sliding his broad palms over the slouching back as if enveloping the whole man in his heat. Somehow it doesn't make him feel tiny and useless, quite the opposite... Seth thinks it feels like when people take a handful of sand in their palms, lifting it closer to the warm sun.
Seth inhales greedily the scent of the young body, closing his eyes and allowing himself to forget where he is and why for a while. Allowing himself to just concentrate on the slightly rough skin of Horus' hands that slide so pleasantly over his waist and back, outlining the reliefs and as if gently drawing out that feeling of... numbness.
And they sit in silence. Warmed by the vapors of the warm water and each other's bright hearts.
It takes Seth just a little longer to finally whisper, quite on the verge of being audible:
“I'm... I'm just tired. I'm so... so tired.”
“I know.” Horus whispers back, kissing his temple gently and burying his hand in the damp scarlet hair, gently pulling it away from the older man's face. “I know. You can rely on me and I'll hold you. Rest.”
The man presses closer, blindly nuzzling his nose somewhere on the neck, feeling his cheek against the calm pulse somewhere beneath the skin.
“I just... I know I have no right to this feeling after everything I've done. But every time I think I'm getting closer to making things better... I don't know if I can keep going. I'm trying...I'm really trying. It's just... How long? How much longer does it take for this to change?”
Seth clutches his fingers helplessly near the other man's chest, moving even closer, even though it seems physically impossible to get any further. He clutched at the man's chest like a wounded dog, as if instinctively afraid that the palms of these hands would disappear from his back and Horus would be disappointed to see him so worthless.
Instead, the younger demigod dips his hands into the water and rubs the moisture over his pale skin, washing away the feeling of dust and lingering fatigue. It seems to Seth that it isn't the water, but Horus himself, who does this to him. What is it about his touch that's so special?
"If only I could know... If only to know how much more there is to go through and endure. Just to know that-"
"You're gonna be okay. We will be." The man whispers warmly and calmly, with a certainty, as if he could see the future. Earlier, Seth would have laughed at such confidence, but now he could only grasp at it like a last isle of hope, like a fragile promise. He wanted to believe Horus. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But we will."
Seth exhaled convulsively, unclenching his fists and allowing himself to slide his hands a little lower, to the swarthy waist and wrap his arms around it, barely consciously greedily squeezing man's sides and then relaxing his fingers again.
A herd of goosebumps run down his spine as Horus dipped his hands in the water again and then ran them through the red hair, tucking it back and revealing a pale forehead. He slid his thumbs over Seth’s eyelids, his cheeks, and finally took the man's face in his hands, peering into his eyes.
The older demigod tilts his head tiredly, touching the other's forehead.
“I know you are tired. Even the strongest get tired and you are trying, I know you are. And I will keep believing in you and holding you. You deserve to rest too.”
Seth looks into the bright eyes opposite him, and everything clenches in his chest as his body grows heavier and heavier. His arms feel like wet sand — too heavy to lift from the bottom of a river, left there with rough stones and carelessly kicked by strangers' feet. The movements are almost painful, but Seth instinctively hugs harder anyway, begrudgingly pressing his fingers against the swarthy back, just to make sure he’s real.
“I-I just wish things could get... normal. I’m not even hoping for good, I just-”
“You deserve good. And it will come.”
Horus whispers softly, hearing the hitch in the other man's breath. The older demigod closes his eyes, touching the warm cheek with the tip of his nose. The young man slides his hand down to Seth’s neck, gently holding and stroking as he leaves small kisses across his face.
Seth's eyelashes flutter slightly after each kiss as he himself sits still, almost unconsciously clutching his own fingers. The once loud voice now barely escapes his throat in a pathetic, weak whisper:
“I don't want to... continue to be a problem. I don't want to be a problem for you. I'm trying, I'm just tired, I'm-”
“You're not a problem for me. Don't talk like you're an obstacle to...anything in my future or anything else. You've been confused, you've been betrayed and hurt. But you were not and are not the problem, okay? Not to me. I want to be on your side and I mean that.”
The younger demigod frowns, pressing his lips to the pale shoulder as his other hand gently slides down the hunched back, stroking and keeping him warm. Horus gently shifts the other man's head to his shoulder and allows him to nestle into his neck to continue roaming his hands over the light body. Not vulgarly, just gently stroking and rubbing the moisture, gently massaging, hoping to relax the other's muscles.
Trying to remember the feeling of velvety skin on his fingertips.
Later, as dark fingers massage his hand and rub the flower water into his wrist, Seth thinks that maybe the water isn't as disgusting as he always thought. Maybe bathing isn't such a pointless activity either. Maybe Horus just makes things...tolerable. Worthy. Meaningful.
And he's especially grateful that he can just sit like this — calm and quiet and vulnerable. Still safe.
“I used to run away at times like this... and turn to sand. I'd wander in the desert.”
“But you'd come back?”
“After a while. Usually when everyone was asleep, so I wouldn't have to explain myself. Then everyone just forgot.”
“... Do you miss it? Turning into sand?”
“... Yeah.”
Seth allows himself to trust more and keep his eyes closed as Horus gently lowers man's hand and kisses his palm barely perceptibly, lowering it to his own shoulder to then touch some particularly sensitive spot under the ribs. It's almost shameful, the way Seth's body reacts so sensitively to the youthful fingers so tenderly stroking his side.
The man exhales noisily, concentrating on that feeling.
“I wouldn't... want to run away now.”
Tudun.
Tudun.
The older demigod can't hold back a slight chuckle, feeling the heartbeat just beneath his cheek quicken and the pleasant weight of the dark-skinned hands on his body suddenly freeze.
When Seth lifts his head, he is met with the flushed young face across from him and the big blue eyes looking at him so admiringly. He laughs softly, tiredly brushing a hand against the damp hair and dropping the other on the broad shoulder too, to still hug the back of his neck.
Seth barely even catches himself thinking that he likes being like this.
“Can we stay like this for a little while...?”
“Of course. Anything you want.” Horus responds, seemingly without even thinking.
The man laughs softly. The palm of his hand is pleasantly tickled by the stiff hair.
If Horus still has hope... maybe it's enough. Maybe just having each other is enough to be okay. It will be enough for Seth.
He'll just catch his breath and try again tomorrow.
Seth gives in first, first gently touching the thin lips as if remembering again what they tasted like. Then runs the tip of his tongue along the lower one, getting permission to kiss again and deeper, and seeming to forget himself in that easy and pleasant feeling of intimacy.
Maybe he doesn’t need to turn into sand to dissolve into the gentle breeze that’s sure to carry him to wherever it feels right.