Chapter Text
Buck has had a lot of terrible days in his life. Growing up, the only good days he had was when Maddie was with him. But as he got older, she moved and stopped returning his calls. Without his big sister in the house, the disappointment and resentment that his parents felt towards him seemed to turn into an ever-present, suffocating cloud that clung to every one of Buck’s pores. And that was before he presented. Buck held onto the hope that presenting as an alpha would finally garner at least a little bit of love from his parents. And maybe it would have, if he hadn’t presented as an omega. A male omega. At least his parents used to look at him. Now, he only hears huffs and grumbled words as they turn away from him whenever he enters the room.
Once Buck finally hightailed it out of that hell-hole, his days were definitely better. But Buck wouldn’t describe them as good. They ranged from ‘fucking sucky’ when he was forced to sleep in his car with nothing but the thinnest blanket to help keep him warm to ‘this isn’t so bad’ every time he was able to pick up a partner for the night. But those nights always bled into ‘drab’ mornings when he woke up to an empty, cold bed and remembered how completely alone he was.
The first truly good day Buck had since Maddie disappeared from his life was his first day at the 118. Even though he thought he might become physically ill from anxiety when no one knew who Captain Nash was, the easy camaraderie that his new crew showered him in was like a breath of fresh air. No one treated him as less than or a liability because he was an omega. For the first time in his adult life, Buck felt like he belonged. He quickly came to consider this group of people as a family. A pack. The first time Bobby scented Buck, he had to claim that his watch was picking up a call from his phone that he left in the other room just so no one would see the tears that he couldn’t stop falling from his eyes. Buck knows that he is a colossal fuckup that is permanately damaged or broken, but he can’t let the rest of the 118 know this. If they do, there’s no way they’ll want him to stay, and he will be forced to leave his home again and wander, packless. But right now, no one knows how screwed up he really is, so he’s going to hold onto all of them as tightly as he can. Buck is finally happy, and for the first time in his life, he thinks that this could be his new normal.
Buck should have known that he isn’t that lucky.
While Abby leaving is definitely not a good day, it doesn’t destroy him on any level. No, Buck’s first terrible day in years is when Chimney gets stabbed and Maddie is kidnapped by her psycho ex-husband and Buck is sure that Doug is going to kill her. Thankfully they are able to find her, and even though she and Chimney are in rough shape, they’re both okay. Buck is able to find a sort of equilibrium in the following weeks, and he thinks that life is finally starting to get good again. Until that fucking engine lands on his fucking leg, and everything fucking sucks again.
Buck doesn’t have a single good day while he’s in the cast. But thanks to his pack (mostly the cutest pup that he’s ever met that spends all of his time outside of school hanging out with his Buck while they watch documentaries and Buck helps him with his homework) Buck doesn’t have a single terrible day. He might not be able to work and see his pack, his family, like he could when he wasn’t injured, but he knows that they all love him and won’t abandon him like his parents did.
Then, Buck crushes his recertification tests, and he is fucking ecstatic. This honestly might be the best day of his life. Plus, his whole family is there, celebrating his return to them. It only makes sense that his happiest day turns into another terrible one when he gets a blood clot and almost dies at Bobby and Athena’s house. It only gets worse when he loses Chris in the tsunami. Omegas are supposed to be able to protect their young, and he can’t even do that right. Even after they find Christopher, Buck expects Eddie to cut him out of his life for being so careless with his pup. But Eddie stays, and he even forces Buck to look after Chris while he works. Buck is confused, how could Eddie possibly trust him to keep Chris safe, but Eddie assuages his worries with that confident smile and those soft eyes of his.
Buck works tirelessly to get back to the 118, to his pack. He can’t have a good day again until he is where he belongs. When he finds out that it’s Bobby that doesn’t want him, Buck is a child again and is being left by his family. Buck thought of Bobby as his father, so it was only fitting that he didn’t want Buck, just like his biological father doesn’t want him either. Buck decides that if no one is going to fight for him, then he is just going to have to fight for himself. He calls Mackey up, and he decides to sue the department. A small part of him is wary, but the bigger part of him that worries that no one will love him if he is not useful, if he is not a part of the 118, overrides that smaller part of him, and he goes through with the lawsuit.
Buck is not surprised to find that every day since he filed the suit falls squarely in the ‘fucking sucky’ category of days. He knew that he couldn’t talk to anyone, but it still hits him squarely in the chest everytime he reaches to text one of them and he remembers that he can’t. He can’t talk to Eddie, so he also can’t talk to Chris. Technically, he can talk to Maddie, but since she’s dating and living with Chim, she tells him that maybe it would be better if they didn’t talk for a while. She tells him that she loves him, but she doesn’t want to get in the middle of him and her boyfriend. A piece of Buck dies after that conversation, but he just agrees and tells her that he loves her back.
After a couple of weeks, Buck can’t take the oppressive loneliness anymore. He knows he shouldn’t, but he still finds himself at the grocery store that the station uses. When he sees his family, his chest starts to warm and he can feel his purr practically jumping from his throat. But his purring is quickly cut off when he sees the anger, the hate, the disgust that rolls off of Eddie when he looks at him. And then Eddie says the one thing that Buck always knew deep down and hoped that none of them realized: that Buck is exhausting. Buck knew that he was never good enough, and now everyone he loves knows it too. And they want nothing to do with him.
Without a doubt, this is the worst day of Evan Buckley’s life. Until he goes back to his doctor for what is supposed to be a check-up to see how he’s doing on the blood thinners, and they find something concerning in his bloodwork. Buck doesn’t see how any day in his past or future could ever surpass this day as the leading champion of terrible days.