Chapter Text
She had just stepped out of the shower and was drying her hair when she looked in the mirror and saw it. “Shit!” She threw her towel on the floor and leaned closer to the mirror, brushing her blonde hair behind her shoulder. Right there on her collarbone had appeared the faint trace of a timer. This couldn’t be happening; this wasn’t supposed to be happening. All the books said if you didn’t get the mark by sixteen you wouldn’t get it at all.
She groaned with annoyance, rubbing the markings to try and get it off, but she knew it wouldn’t work. “Clarke, dinner!” she heard her mum call from downstairs. She called back “I’m coming.” and quickly got dressed, making sure to cover the timer. She tried to push it from her mind, she’d worry about it later.
When she came downstairs her mom had already set the table and was obviously waiting for her so she quickly sat down. “Sorry, it took a little longer than expected to get all the paint off,” Clarke started to apologise, but Abby raised her hand and smiled. “It’s alright, it’s not the first time you come home covered in splattered paint, and it won’t be the last.”
Clarke couldn’t suppress the answering grin, as she remembered a few of the other times she had come home all painted on, so she just nodded “true.”
Clarke was a lot quieter during dinner than normal. Usually she would enthusiastically talk about the progress she'd made with any of her art in class, or what new idea she had. But today, her mind wouldn’t let go of the timer, it kept popping back up in her mind. Abby noticed and tried to keep up conversation, but quickly realised there was no point really, everything she said she had to repeat at least twice and even then Clarke would just mumble something. She knew her daughter would tell eventually, if she wanted to, so she just focussed on the food.
When they were both about done Clarke couldn’t hold back any longer. “So, mum, can I talk to you about something?
“Of course, sweetie,” Abby replied sincerely “you can tell me anything, you know that.”
“Right,” Clarke agreed “See I wanted to ask you about timers.”
She looked at her mother expectantly, but Abby just let out a good-humoured, but slightly exasperated laugh before nudging her daughter’s shoulder. “Clarke! The way you started I was convinced you’d want to drop out of art school or something, but you just want to ask about my research? What do you want to know?”
Clarke sent her mom an apologetic smile “Sorry. I just wanted to know, is there an age limit to when you get it?”
Abby, who had gotten up and was placing their plates on the counter thought for a second. “Interesting question, I suppose there is no real age limit, since new people get born every day, and from what we know of epigenetics, even the expressions of our genes can change during life. So there is always a chance of finding a previously unknown match. but to be honest, it almost always happens before 16. I think less than 1% receives their timer after, if they get it at all that is. Why the sudden interest?” She turned around to give her daughter a curious look.
Clarke just shrugged “No reason really, we were just having a discussion about it at school.”
“Really?” Abby sounded excited “I could come and give a lecture about it if you want?”
Clarke let out a laugh “Mom, no. I’m in art school, the only context we talk about it is when we talk about soulmates and destiny, I’m sure none of my classmates would want to hear about genetic compatibility and evolution.”
At that Abby laughed as well, “I suppose you’re right, at least you know better than to believe it’s destiny, on that part we did well at least.”
That night as Clarke was lying in bed she kept looking at her collar bone. She didn’t know what to think. When she was younger she had always hoped to get a timer; it had sounded so romantic, a countdown that told you exactly how long it would take until you’d meet the love of your life. A lot of the great romance novels and movies featured this fact heavily, which probably helped inforce her ideas about it. But when she got older and could understand more of the work and research her parents did her views had shifted.
Now she knew it was just a way for the species to find genetically compatible mates that could create offspring with the best survival rates, without too much waste of energy. No romance, just evolution. A fact supported by the fact that less and less people around the world actually got their timers. That was the part her mum had been doing research on. Her theory was, that in today’s increasingly complex society, it was not that much of an advantage anymore to get a timer, and that our species was evolving beyond needing timers. The fact that both her parents hadn’t had timers was in their minds support for this theory, and had left Clarke with the subconscious opinion that having a timer meant you were lagging behind.
As she was looking at the hated numbers dwindle, she realised she hadn’t even really seen what it said, how long until her timer would run out and she would meet her genetic ‘match’. Not that she cared really, she had already decided she wasn’t going to listen to such primitive instincts, besides she had Finn. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be curious, right? So she wrote down the number 72748843 and started doing the math, she would meet this person in about 2 years and a few months. She snorted, of course she would.
She scratched out the numbers, crumbled the paper and tossed it towards her trashcan. She should really try and go to sleep, and in the morning she would see what concealer she could use to mask the timer.
At the same time across town there was another girl, stroking the scar-like timer on the inside of her wrist while a few tears streaked the layer of grime and dirt on her face. For once Lexa had decided to lay a bit away from the fire, seeking more privacy than she would usually do. She knew the risks of being on your own, she had relied on others, and others had relied on her often enough for warnings of cops, drug dealers, or other people who were looking for trouble, safety was in numbers. But not tonight, tonight she didn’t want to share with anyone. She just lay there underneath her tattered, old blanket, looking at the pale seconds on her wrist ticking away. She thought back to this afternoon when she had first noted them.
She had been helping with the unloading of a truck filled with fruits and vegetables, a hard and labour-intense job, but since the owner had known she had been Costia’s friend she could probably come and help with unloading every week and take over her position if she showed she could do it today. That would mean a steady income, even if it wasn’t that much, any kind of financial stability was nice.
But even as she was moving the boxes she wasn’t sure if she could keep doing this. She had known it was hard work, and she had known Costia was strong, but not this much. It almost seemed that even though she had been able to not cry herself to sleep and went to sleep without drinking for the first time in months she was more exhausted than she had been before. She just didn’t understand, shouldn’t you feel better once you had accepted the death of a loved one?
She supposed that getting this job was going to make her life better. And with that she forced herself to get up and grab another box of oranges. Eight boxes later and Lexa was already questioning her decision to be more responsible and was cursing the oranges, Costia, and this stupid job.
She was wiping the sweat off her forehead at while the owner got her money since the truck was now entirely empty, when she noticed a smudge. She took a better look at her wrist and her eyes widened in shock as she realised they were the vague trace of numbers ticking down. A surge of happiness so intense that it made her feel a little giddy overwhelmed her, she hardly even noticed the money she got and just stuffed it in her pants without checking. She mumbled a “See you tomorrow” while walking away without a destination really.
Lexa ended up under her favourite tree in the park, she just kept checking her wrist wondering if it would still be there if she looked. But every time she was comforted by the countdown, while the numbers became more and more visible. She spent the rest of the day napping and sometimes wondering who this person that was destined for her would be, whenever she gave it too much thought however, Costia’s face would come swimming before her mind’s eye and tears gathered in her eyes. So she quickly stopped thinking about it, knowing that if she pushed herself too much she’d break down and end up drinking.
And now here she lay stroking the timer the few tears had become a stream a while ago. She just felt so conflicted. At the one hand she was really happy. The timer meant there was someone out there for her, waiting for her, someone that would just click. But at the same time she felt incredibly sad and angry that that person wasn’t Costia. Because more than anything she had always thought and believed Costia was that person for her and that they just hadn’t had a timer because they had always known each other.
She also felt guilty for wanting to meet the mysterygirl as she had come to call the person to whom the timer was counting down. And even weirder she was also angry with this mysterygirl, because who was she to think she was better than Costia? So her thoughts kept spinning and before she realised what was really going on she noticed the sky was already starting to turn pink. She groaned as she sat up, apparently last night’s sleep had been a onetime thing. Still she didn’t feel exhausted. She got up packed her blanket, stuffed it in her rucksack and headed to the grocery store to unload another fruit filled truck.
It had been a little over 2 years since the timer had appeared on Clarke’s collarbone and she hadn’t given it much thought since then. Soon after appearing concealing it had just become a step in her make-up routine, and she had hardly given it any thought anymore. She never even thought about who this other person could be, except in dreams she would sometimes have about it.
And tonight was one of those nights. She woke up with her heart hammering in her chest, but not in the way that is usually associated with anxiety, it was a warm kind of feeling. This always happened when she had one of her timer dreams. She had found it weird in the beginning, but now she just thought of it as a way to remember her dream. She knew that if she just got up, maybe drank a bit of water it would go away and she could go back to bed and sleep in peace.
So when the feeling disappear she did just that, only feeling the smallest twinge of guilt as she saw Finn sleeping without a care in the world. The guilt had lessened over time, but still whenever she had a dream part of her felt like she was cheating. Which was of course absolutely ridiculous, or so she told herself, it wasn’t like she could choose what to dream after all, it just happened. And she didn’t even dream of an actual person, she’d just see some flashes of different scenes in a beautiful forest or meadow with her and someone just visible in the distance clearly laughing or talking while walking hand in hand. Everyone had those dreams right? She filled up a glass of water and took it back to bed, taking a few sips before curling in on herself and going back to sleep.
She was in her studio putting the finishing touches on her latest painting when her phone started ringing. For a second she stared around the room in confusion trying to locate the sound before she realised it was her mobile phone. When she saw Finn’s name flash she got worried, he never called during the day.
“Hello, Finn?” She answered her phone and was greeted with a loud but cheerful exclamation. “Clarke! Hey. I’m so glad you picked up, I thought that maybe you wouldn’t have your phone with you, sucker of inspiration you know.”
Clarke laughed “I could have, but you’re in luck, because as you may notice I have it with me. What’s up? You sound too happy for something bad to have happened… right?” The last part was added on because she still had this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Bad? Huh, no. Not at all.” Finn replied sounding confused. “Why would it be bad?” He started to sound suspicious now. “Can I only call you if there’s bad news? Don’t you like it when I call?”
Clarke let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. Why was he always so distrustful? “That’s not what I meant, Finn. I’m sorry, I should have explained better. I’m just surprised because you don’t usually call during the day, because of your job, you know?” She tried to keep her voice as light and cheerful as possible, knowing that anything less would just be more of a reason to argue.
“Right,” he still didn’t sound convinced, but she could also tell he didn’t want to continue arguing. “But I called you to tell you I got a promotion!”
“Wow, Finn, that’s great, congratulations! Clarke cried out happily! “We should definitely celebrate tonight. What do you want to eat? I’ll cook whatever you like.”
"Uhm well” Finn sounded hesitant “My boss invited me to dinner to hash out the details you know, and I sort of already said yes. That’s okay right? You’re not angry are you?”
“Oh okay, no of course I’m not angry.” Her smile had faltered for a second, but quickly returned. “We will celebrate after you get home with a glass of wine or something.”
“Hmm that sounds great, honey.” Fin replied, but he sounded distracted already. “But I have to go now, I have to get in a meeting. Love you, bye.”
Before Clarke could utter a reply he had hung up already. She rolled her eyes at his impatience, but also smiled. That was Finn for you, extremely excited and focussed one moment, but the next his mind was a thousand miles away.
Lexa tried to open the door of her sister’s apartment while holding her phone between her ear and shoulder because her arms were filled with groceries. She looked up when she heard someone laughing, to see Anya, her sister, sitting on the counter eating Chinese food out of a container.
“You could help me.” Lexa mouthed, but Anya just shook her head with a grin. At that Lexa just shrugged and let go and everything fell on the floor. An outraged cry left Anya’s lips while she jumped down from the counter and towards all the groceries on the floor. “Now all the cookies will be broken and my fruit will be bruised!”
Lexa laughed as she turned to close the door “Well, sucks to be you, doesn’t it?”
But she froze midspin when she heard the words “excuse me?” coming from the person on the other end of the line.
“Fuck, I mean shit, no I mean I’m sorry, I hadn’t realised you picked up yet. I was talking to my sister.” Lexa wished for the ground to swallow her whole, and aimed a kick at Anya when she saw her literally lying on the ground laughing at her.
She was in luck though, the person on the phone was laughing herself. “No worries, siblings are totally be the worst. Anyway why did you call me?”
”Uhm right, is this Raven Reyes?”
”Yes.”
“Yes? Okay great,” Lexa was relieved she finally got the girl on the phone, she had been very hard to reach. “You posted an ad for a roommate in the laundry room of this building and I was wondering if I could come take a look.”
She took a deep breath, hoping Lexa would say yes. “Well first what’s your name? So I can google you and make sure you’re not a serial killer.”
“Of course, shit, I’m so sorry. Also I’m sorry I just said shit again, I am making the worst impression. I swear I'm usually not as crude. My name is Lexa, Lexa Woods.”
At this point in the conversation Lexa stood bent over the counter with her entire upper body resting on it and she was about to smack her head down a couple of times. This was going absolutely dreadful, there was no chance in hell this girl was going to allow the weird girl on the phone she was being in her apartment let alone allow her to live there. But to her surprise the girl just gave her the address and they agreed that Lexa would stop by the next day after work.
“That sounded like it went pretty okay.” Anya smiled up at her from the ground, where she was still lying down and had now started to munch on the grapes.
“Yeah, it was, I think? Now I’m worried that girl might be a wacko or something.” Lexa had gotten up and settled herself on the floor besides Anya, putting a grape in her mouth as well.
“What? Why?” Anya asked in surprise.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me.” Anya replied.
Lexa rolled her eyes “I was a being a total spas, an absolute weirdo, and she just gave me her address. Someone like that can’t be in their right mind, can they?”
At that Anya rolled her eyes “Lexa, be serious.”
“I am!” she replied indignant.
“Well then you’re an idiot. You weren’t that bad, you were just flustered is all. It happens to the best of us. And from what I could hear she sounded like a perfectly nice girl.”
At that Lexa nodded, because after all it had been true, this Raven girl seemed pretty cool.
That night she kept tossing and turning, she just couldn’t find a comfortable spot. She blamed the couch, it had been a life saver when she had been allowed to crash on it about a year ago. But a year on anyone’s couch was too long, even if that person is your older sister.
When she thought the time with her sister she automatically thought about the timer and mystery girl, so she glanced to see the timer, noticing how close to zero it had gone, it had about 150000 seconds on it now.
She hadn’t really realised, but to be honest she had no idea how close that was, would it mean a day, or a week? She didn’t know, she knew she could calculate it, but she didn’t want to. She wanted it to be a surprise, she felt like that was the way it was supposed to be.
Thinking of the moment that the timer would reach zero and disappear made her feel a little melancholic. The numbers had been something to hold on to for the past two years. It had given her a purpose to fight for when she had long stopped fighting for herself.
She still got sad when she thought back to that time. She got sad because she missed Costia, because of the horrible way Costia had died, because of who she was before everything happened.
She had been a different person back then. She had been young, and she realised now naïve. She and Costia had been in love, just moved in together and they felt like the world was at their feet. She hadn’t been scared of anything or anyone. When people commented or called them names when they were on the street Lexa responded by kissing Costia or calling back. It had mostly just been fun to shock people who were stupid enough to be so rude.
That was until they had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They had both been drinking and dancing all night. They weren’t drunk, but inebriated enough that they couldn’t stop kissing each other and had to lean a little on each other on the way home. Then they ran into a group of guys who started calling names and daring them to make out. They had laughed and given each other a quick peck and tried to walk on, but it hadn’t been good enough for the guys, they wanted more. In the end it had led to both of them being beaten up badly enough that they landed in the hospital. Costia had never regained consciousness, and by the time Lexa had Costia had already been buried.
Everything had gone to shit since then, she had had hospital bills she couldn’t pay, her rent had been too much, but all of that would have been dealt with. She had just given up, she had rolled into a pit of depression and despair and refused all help. In the end she slept in shelters and sometimes outside, spending any money she had on anything that could numb her pain and make her last another day. It had been the worst months of her life, and she had caused the people who loved her a lot of pain, she still felt guilty about that sometimes. She hadn’t had the strength to change it, she hadn’t even had the strength to want to change anything, all she wanted was to not be sad for a short moment.
At this point Lexa was crying so hard she was afraid she would wake up Anya so she fled to the bathroom to take a shower. It was her go to remedy, the tears would simply blend with the hot water and in the end she wouldn’t even know for sure anymore if she was crying or not.
Lexa had known this would happen, it happened every time she thought about what had happened to Costia, which was why she tried to think about it as little as possible. This was also where the timer had helped. It made her focus on the future and on herself. Even though Costia was dead, she was alive, and Costia would have wanted her to live her life, she knew that much.
Which is what she had been working on since the timer had appeared. She had gone back to one of the shelters she had visited because she knew they had an outreach program. For the first time since a long time she had been able to keep her job, slowly getting back on her feet. The owner turned out to be incredibly supportive.
Her name was Indra and when she saw how hard Lexa was trying and that she was turning her life around, she offered her other jobs. It hadn’t been easy, she really had to prove herself, but that’s how she liked it. She wanted to prove to Indra, to mystery girl, but most of all to herself that she could do this. So her job had changed from unloading the truck to filling the stocks at night, and now she worked behind the register.
About a year ago she had gathered enough courage to try and contact her sister. She had been really scared to, knowing how much pain she had caused her. In true Anya fashion though she had been welcomed back with open arms, though not before being yelled at because she had been so worried. She had been crashing on Anya’s couch ever since. She liked it, and she felt comfortable, but she knew this couldn’t last forever. It was time for her to get back on her own two feet, especially now that she made enough money to actually be able to pay rent.