Chapter Text
“Oh, Siffrin! You’re awake!” It’s Mirabelle. Like always. Looks like you were too slow for her liking, again. You can barely look at her right now. Did she wish for this too? Did she wish for your suffering, like the rest of Vaugarde did?
(…)
You need to get to the King, fast.
“Hehe, I thought you were napping, so I was just—” Too slow.
”About to wake me up.” You interrupt.
”Ah, yes! I’m… sorry? I hope that’s okay… W-Well, um… I had an idea for tonight, and I—” Too slow too slow too slow.
“To all meet at the Clocktower for a sleepover.”
“Y-Yes? Oh, did you have… the same idea?”
(You nod)
“…Okay… Well, I won’t keep you then… Um, let’s all meet at the Clocktower later, then, alright? T-Talk to you later!”
(…)
(Habit takes over, and you tell her about the CARROT method)
“W-Wait, how did you know about-“
(…And wink)
“O-Okay! Um… Talk to you later! Again!” Mirabelle runs away down to path towards Dormont.
(…Oh. You didn’t really need to tell her about the CARROT method this loop, did you? The skill she learns when you help her with her papers would have done the trick. But, whatever. It’s nice to have two shield skills at your disposal, since it makes the cool-down less of an issue.)
If you want to get to the King as fast as possible, you’ll need your family’s strength. You need everyone to be the best they can be. You’ll start with Mirabelle.
“And… and then I left. I couldn’t… be there anymore.”
Oh. They’re talking about you. Of course they’re talking about you. They’re always muttering behind your back when they think you’re out of earshot, but this time feels… different. You… you don’t want to hear this. You don’t want to hear about how you’re hated.
It’s fine. It’s fine. You just need to get to the King, that’s all that matters right now. Once you beat him with your own two hands, once you’re free, they’ll understand, won’t they? They have to, or… or else…
(You don’t want to think about this.)
They’re still talking about you. You try to focus, try to listen in, but you just can’t be bothered anymore. You feel yourself begin to zone out, letting the words flow past you like a gentle stream. And then you catch something that makes your blood run cold.
“Are you saying… Leave without Siffrin?”
(!!!)
NO! No, no, no, no, they - they can’t…
Oh. Mirabelle is the one who said it. Poor, sweet, gentle Mirabelle. If she’s suggesting it, then that means… you really messed up, didn’t you? If even she wants to abandon you, then you know the others must do too.
They really do hate you now. And now they’ll go to the House alone, and leave you here, and fight the King alone, and die again! Because! Of! You!
(…)
They’re going to leave you here? You shouldn’t - you shouldn’t be focused on that. But. You’ll be alone? They’re leaving you? (Your family is leaving you again they’re going to forget you you’re going to forget them they hate you they hate you they hate you)
You shouldn’t be thinking about this. They’re going to die and all you can think about is yourself? No wonder they hate you!
(…)
(You’re disgusting.)
You force yourself to keep listening.
“I… I just… I just don’t know if we can trust Siffrin anymore.”
Bile rises in your throat. You want to scream. You can’t listen to this any longer - if they won’t… if they’re going to abandon you like this, there’s only one thing left to do. You need to get to the King.
But aargh, the orbs, the orbs!!! You need them to get into the House, and they won’t just give them to you if they’re this upset. A while ago, back before you even met Bonnie, Odile suggested that everyone should be in charge of one of the orbs - to make them harder to steal in case the King ever sent anyone to retrieve them.
You have yours, but the others… you know Odile always carries hers and Bonnie’s with her. Isabeau’s and Mirabelle’s are probably upstairs, but there’s no point getting them if you can’t get Madame’s.
You could always… loop back, couldn’t you? Your hand twitches towards your dagger, but stops short. No. You can’t go back. You can’t do all this again, not when you’re so blinding close to getting out of here! And if what you’re about to do doesn’t work, then… it’s an option, you suppose. You really, really don’t want to go back again, but if there’s no other choice, then. Well. What’s one more loop?
Back to the stage, then.
As you step out from behind the wall, the conversation dies. No one is saying anything. They’re all just looking at you, waiting in silent shock for you to make the first move. You stand there, smiling.
“Were you talking about me?” And oh, that gets a reaction. Mirabelle brings her hands up to cover her mouth, like she always does when she’s shocked like this. Bonnie… wow, Bonnie’s not doing very well. Their cheeks are still wet with tears even though your little hang-out was hours ago, by now. As soon as they see you, they look about ready to break into tears again. Odile fares better than either of them. She jolts, slightly, but regains her composure quickly enough. She looks down, a flicker of what you assume to be guilt passing across her face. And Isabeau’s. Looking right at you. Still.
“Hey, Sif,” Isabeau’s voice is sickeningly gentle, like he’s afraid you might fly off the handle again, “do you wanna talk about what happened earlier?” He asks, and no, thanks! You’d rather not.
“Nope!” You say with a pop, fighting hard to keep that same impassive grin on your face.
“… Siffrin. Buddy.” he sighs, “You know we’re here for you, right? If something… happened, earlier. Well, I think you might feel better if you talked about it, right?”
He’s offering you an olive branch. One last, desperate peace offering before they’re forced to leave you here to rot.
Is this the best he can do?
“I don’t need your help!” You snap, “I don’t need anyone’s help at all, actually! And I especially don’t need help from someone like you!“ He flinches, at that. You see his eyes widen slightly, but you can’t afford to slow down now. You keep going.
“I don’t need help, and I don’t need this, right now! Not when I’m so close to the end, when I’m so close to all of this finally being over! Don’t you get it? I’m almost free from this place, from - from this hell, from this journey, from all of you!“
And oh, stars! Isn’t that a lovely thought! You’re almost out of here, now! Just a little bit more to go! Just a little longer until you never have to see any of these actors, these puppets, ever again! And then - and then, you’ll finally be back with your family, your real family, and not these… these pale imitations, these doppelgängers, these things that are pretending to be them, that are pretending to love you, to care, and —
(…)
Your family looks distraught. They’re all looking at you, now. Scared, or - no. Not scared, you know what they look like when they’re afraid of you and this isn’t it. Bonnie’s expression is easiest to identify - you’ve seen it on them often enough. It’s sadness, you think, mixed with a little guilt. Like always. You bet they’re thinking about your eye again. Stars, can’t they just get over it already? You did.
Odile’s expression is… harder to place. She looks… hurt, you think? But it’s tempered by something, not like the unrestrained misery you saw on Bonnie’s face. There’s something about that glint in her eye… She looks pensive, almost. Like she’s solving a puzzle. Like she doesn’t believe you.
You don’t look at Isabeau. You don’t want to see the moment that his illusions of you are finally shattered, and he sees you for what you really are. When he finally realises that you’ve been tricking him all this time - and that no matter how much he loves the facade you project, he does not love you.
And Mirabelle, she… she’s taking this even worse than Bonnie, you think. She looks inconsolable. You see tears forming at the corner of her eyes. Oh, stars you hate when she gets like this. It always takes so blinding long for everyone to get her to calm down and you don’t have time for this right now you need to get to the King you need to -
“I…” Mirabelle takes a shaky breath, before continuing, “Siffrin, you… you want to… be ‘free’ of us? You want our journey to be over that badly? But I thought you - I thought…” She’s crying, now. Not quite sobbing, not like she does in the House. It’s a little more subdued here, a little more somber and a little less afraid, but she’s still crying. “I’m - I’m sorry! If you felt like you - like you had to, or if you-“ She cuts herself off with a sob. “I… I understand if you don’t want to come with us tomorrow. Risking your life like that is… I - I get it if you don’t want to, but-“
“What Mirabelle is trying to say,” Madame Odile interjects, stepping forwards, “is that we understand if you have apprehensions about facing the King tomorrow. We all do. It’s alright to be afraid, Siffrin.” She pauses for a beat, shooting a worried glance in Mirabelle’s direction. “But what’s not alright is the way you’ve treated us. You’ve hurt all of us today - whether you intended to or not.” She lowers her head, so she can glare at you over the rim of her glasses. “Siffrin. I am no stranger to stress. I know it can make people behave… unusually - and if you want to talk about it later, I’m still willing to listen. But you must know that rebuilding the trust you’ve broken here today is going to take more time than we have.”
Ah, here it comes. The final blow. She’s cutting you out of the party. You don’t want to hear her say it - you think it might finally break you if you do! So, you get there first.
“I think you should give me the orbs.” You say, with a stillness in your voice that you hope terrifies them.
Huh! Mirabelle stopped crying! That was a lot more efficient than what you normally do! A useful trick for next time, maybe? Except, there won’t be a next time, will there? This play is almost over, now. You’re almost free. It’s so close you can practically taste it. You’re almost done. Just a little bit more.
“What… What for?” Aww, little Bonbon finally found their voice! They’ve been so quiet since your little soirée in the woods! You were beginning to worry you might’ve done some serious damage there, but they’re talking again, so you guess it must be all good now! You don’t bother with a response.
“What a coincidence,” Odile is a un-phased as ever, it seems, “I was about to ask you the very same thing.” Or, not un-phased, exactly. You see her tense up slightly, but it’s clear she isn’t scared enough to do what you want, yet. You can fix that.
You draw your dagger.
Yeah, that does it. Odile recoils back, quicker than you’ve ever seen her move before, and Isabeau moves to step in front of her. This time, you can’t help but look at him. If you were more of an egoist, you might call the expression on his face heartbreak. But you know better.
He says something, you think. But you don’t want to hear him right now, so you don’t.
(…)
You’ve really messed up this loop, haven’t you? They’ll never come to the house with you now, and you need Mira, at least, to handle to King’s attack. Maybe you could learn the shield skill yourself? But no, that would take too long. And besides, to get the orbs now you’d have to actually fight them, which. You can’t. Do.
You were really hoping to avoid this. You were so, so close! But… alright. One more loop. Do it right, this time. One more loop and you’re done.
You raise the dagger to your neck and - Ha! You feel your hand slow midair. Odile is slowing you down! You can feel her craft pushing against your movements and constricting around you like a blanket of air. She must’ve thought you were going to strike, judging by the fear on her face. As you bring the dagger closer to your own throat, you watch her fear fade into confusion, then shock, then horror. For a moment, you revel in the expression on her face, in the fact that even after all the mistakes you made today, she still cares about you. It’s nice, you think.
And then you press the cold edge of oblivion into your throat, and slice.
(…)
Through. Nothing?
The blade. Deflects off of your skin.
And a beat too late, you see Mira standing with her arms stretched towards you and her palms facing the sky, as you recognise the dull warmth of her shield spell coating your body.
Before you even have time to process what just happened, Isabeau is rushing forwards. You try to move out of the way, but aargh! You’re still slowed! And then, Isabeau is on you, and he tackles you to the ground with more force then you’ve ever seen from him, and - oh! Looks like you’re going to get to die anyway!
(Crushed by a giant rock, again. Heh.)
(…)
But Isabeau… doesn’t kill you? Doesn’t take your neck in his hands and squeeze, like he could. Doesn’t place his hand on your chest and push until your ribs crack and your lungs collapse, like he should. Instead, he just kind of. Holds you? Pins you to the floor? It’s tight, certainly, but it’s not suffocating.
It’s nice.
And then, reality begins to set in. What are you doing? They saw you. They saw you and now they’re going to figure it out and they’ll hate you more than they already do and they’ll leave you -
N-No! You need - you need to loop back. There’s shouting all around you but you don’t care you need to - you need your dagger but Isabeau knocked it from your hand and you can’t see it like this and -
Oh no. You’re stuck here. You can’t loop back if you can’t die and they won’t let you if they know and you can’t fix anything like this and they’re going to abandon you - but. You’ve looped without dying before, haven’t you? You just need to do that, then! C’mon Universe, just do it! Just loop back!
You ignore the screaming from your family and squeeze your eyes closed. Loop back, loop back, loop back, you think.
And.
(You feel a tug
on your
stomach)
You feel the world lurch around you, and -
(…)
You open your eyes to the familiar sight of -
The. Clocktower?
You’re still here? You’re. Still here. Just kind of… laying on the floor, with Isabeau’s arms wrapped around you. You didn’t loop back! For a horrible, panicked moment, you worry you’ve finally broken it. That maybe the Universe has finally decided to end your suffering. Now, of all times!
But no. That’s not it. You can feel… something stopping you from looping. Something is fighting you, pushing against your craft and enveloping your body - keeping you here, somehow. And then you see Odile over Isabeau’s shoulder, and it clicks.
It’s her. You don’t know how, but you’re sure of it. It’s her craft you can feel battling with your own. But how? She doesn’t know anything about time craft yet, so how could she be doing something like this? The only thing she’s doing right now is slowing you down. But that wouldn’t do this, would it?
(…)
This is bad. Very bad. You need to loop, right now. Your party isn’t stupid. If you can’t figure out a way to loop very soon, they’re going to start figuring things out. And you. Cannot! Let! Them! Know!
You need to loop back. But Odile - No. Odile isn’t in control here. She doesn’t know anything. Not like you do. You’re the one directing this little play, and if you want to loop back then there’s nothing she can do to stop you. Try again.
Loop back, loop back, loop back, you pray.
And again,
(You feel
a tug
on your stomach)
And you’re still here!!! And it hurt, that time. You’ve felt worse, obviously, but the act of looping itself never hurt before. It feels like the Universe is contracting around you. The air feels like static on your skin and the smell of burnt sugar floods your senses with such overwhelming power that you can almost taste it. Again.
You reach out with your craft again, willing yourself to loop once more, and… aha! You can feel her craft weakening, like it’s about to break! She’s much weaker than you now, after all. She can’t stop you. You just need one more push, you’re so close to breaking through, to looping back and fixing it all, to -
You hear.
A whimper.
Bonnie. Is crying. But not… not like they usually do. Not the sad, angry tears you saw earlier this loop. This is… you’ve only seen them cry like this once before. When the King-
(You see a hand, squeezing)
(You’re disgusting)
You’re hurting them. Oh. You’re. Hurting them? But you didn’t mean - you would never -
But you are. You monster. You promised that you would protect them and -
You… you can’t keep going anymore. You can’t do this anymore! You never wanted this, any of this, and now because of you, Bonnie -
You stop. You let yourself go limp in Isabeau’s arms, and just lay there. You feel… tired. So, so tired. When was the last time you went to sleep? You never sleep in the Clocktower anymore, your mind… keeps you too occupied for that. You wake up in the field, every loop, but you don’t get to feel sleep then, either. Only ever waking up. Darkness begins to creep in at the edges of your vision. You feel yourself slipping away, and -
(You
let
go)