Chapter Text
"See you later, bye now!"
Two girls waved at one another in the distance.
The school campus bustled as the last groups of students left the grounds, packing up from various activities such as clubs, projects or, in Zhan Zheng Xi’s case, clean-up duty. Zheng Xi leaned on his rake, looking up into the vivid changing colors of the sky. The blue expanse spread out into a deep purple, oranges and reds brushing the few clouds in the sky as the sun began to make its’ way down towards the horizon. A warm gust of wind rustled the last pile of leaves that needed tending to. Zheng Xi sighed, the feel of the air breezing through his thin uniform shirt and lifting it off of his dewy middle a delightful relief. The male lifted the hem of the white fabric, swiping it across his forehead to gather the drips underneath his hairline.
“Almost don-hrnn!”
“Zheng Xixi!”
-Crash-
Leaves went flying as Zheng Xi was catapulted into the pile of leaves by a blond thin frame currently pinning him to the ground who was none other than his best friend. Jian Yi.
“What the HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
“Gah!” Jian Yi yelped, failing to avoid the swing his friend took at his face “Hahaha! Catch me next time!”
“Who’d do that, idiot!?”
The blond rose up, smiling so hard his eyes closed as he reached a hand down for his friend.
“Come on, how much more do you have left? I’ll help you.”
Zheng Xi took the hand, pulling himself up as he brushed leaves off, “You come at the last minute to help? You should’ve came earlier.”
“I had a paper to write!”
“Just pick up that bag over there so I can rid of this pile and we can go.”
“Gotcha!”
Zheng Xi watched Jian Yi run across the expanse of grass to collect the bag, almost tripping on his way back.
What a dork.
~~~
“Wow, could you believe that guy? He actually ate the soup!”, Jian Yi laughed as he followed behind Zhan Zheng Xi, patting his stomach from how full he was. The two cut through a park on their evening stroll after enjoying a meal together.
“Ha! You’re the crazy one that dared the guy to eat ramen topped with ghost pepper sauce!”
“He kept calling me a girl so I had to do something!”
“Maybe it’s because of your soft hair!”
“Ack-ahahaha!” Jian Yi giggled as Zhan Zheng Xi mussed the blond’s locks, making a scene in the empty park of how close the two really were.
“I’m glad we don’t have class tomorrow though! Today was so draining~..”
“Jian Yi, you just don’t like to study.”
“I’ll study…if you are my private tutor, eh Xixi?” Jian Yi raised his eyebrows suggestively to his friend, Zheng Xi not even looking over to him from already knowing idiotic the face the male wore.
“I’d help you study more often if you didn’t always distract me from my work.”
Jian Yi stopped walking momentarily, cheeks dusting pink for a second before jumping to fall back in step behind his friend.
“Zheng Xixi, you say the weirdest things, you know? I don’t distract you, it’s that dumb head of yours that ruins your concentration-“
“Call it dumb all you want; I’m still not tutoring you.”
“Aaah, Xixiiiiii~”
“Hey, don’t call me tha-“
Zhan Zheng Xi turned to look at his friend, stopping when he saw the blond’s face. Eyes all big and round, lip puckered out, cheeks pink and hands pressed together before himself..
Something pulled from within his chest.
Zheng Xi sighed, reaching up and grabbing the back of Jian Yi’s neck to pull him along.
“Cut it out. You can come over and study tonight. Just promise not to-“
“ReAlY?!”
“Yes, reall- what the hell is up with that face?!”
Jian Yi’s eyes grew even bigger, his lip tucking in and out of his mouth as if he were going to cry as he answered in a squeaky voice.
“I’m so happy~”
Zheng Xi turned from his friend, taking the lead once more, towards his house this time.
“Idiot.”
Zhan Zheng Xi trampled on, thankful for the darkness helping hide his burning ears.
~~~
Jian Yi clutched a pillow in the middle of Zheng Xi’s room.
“You’re sure it’s alright if I stay the night?”
“Yea. It’s late. Plus we don’t have school tomorrow-“
“But your family is out of town-“
“Jian Yi, you’ve been my best friend for years. My mom likes you more than she likes me. Relax.”
The blond smiled and nodded, dropping the pillow on the roll-out sleeping bag Zheng Xi made for him next to his own bed.
“You shower first. I have a few pairs of underwear my mom just bought in the top drawer in the bathroom. They’ve never been worn so don’t fr-“
“I’M NOT FREAKING OUT”
“What the HELL, JUST GO TAKE A SHOWER!”
Zheng Xi pushed the awkwardly trembling blond out of his room before slamming the door shut. Why does he make everything so awkward, that guy?
A few moments passed as the male played over what he said. Underwear. His underwear. Top drawer. Shower. Sweat beaded on Zhan Zheng Xi’s forehead.
Fuck.
~~~
The room was filled with the fresh scent of the showered males and that of something light and sweet that Zhan Zheng Xi really couldn’t put his finger on. It was very pleasant though. The moon shining through dark curtains was the only illumination of the small space.
“Goodnight Xixi.”
“…..Jian Yi.”
“Yes?”
“Would you like to explain why you are in my bed?”
“It’s warm here.”
“You have a blanket on the sleeping bag.”
“It’s comfortable.”
“The sleeping bag is comfortable.”
“I want to sleep here.”
“Your spot is on the floor, how many times do I have to kick you out of my bed?”
“Hrmm” Jian Yi grumbled as he dug himself deeper into Zhan Zheng Xi’s sheets next to him. “One less?”
“I will kick your ass.”
“Fine fine~. I’m going.”
Jian Yi threw the sheet off of him in a fitful way, flopping himself messily down onto the palate that awaited him. A few moments passed before the blond spoke up again.
“Hey Xixi.”
“Yea?”
“Do you have any plans for next Friday?”
“Plans? Um.. no, why do you ask?”
“Oh. No reason.” Jian Yi turned on his side, facing away from the bed. Zhan Zheng Xi looked down at the balled up male on the floor. He didn’t even get under the blanket. He just stayed on top of the sleeping bag, turned over in discomfort, pissing Zheng Xi off more and more as each second of him watching him passed.
“Jian Yi.”
“Yea?”
“Look at me.”
“It’s late, Zhe-“
“Look at me.” The male tugged on Jian Yi’s futon, obviously not taking no for an answer.
Jian Yi turned to see Zheng Xi propped up on the bed, his chin resting in his hand as he laid out. Light blue eye’s reflected back in hazel as Jian Yi stared at the male, silent from the intense stare before him.
“I know what next week is” Zhan Zheng Xi reached an arm out, rustling the blond’s hair “I didn’t forget.”
“Ch-“ Jian Yi looked down, trying to hide the rosy color that flared up on his cheeks, “you tend to say that a lot, you know?”
“I mean it.”
Jian Yi smiled in the dark, finally sliding into the sleeping bag underneath him.
“Hey, Xi. Do you think maybe..celebrating that day is a little-“
“Does the day mean a lot to you?”
Jian Yi brought his blanket up over his face, hugging it tightly. “Yes.”
“Then shut up about it.”
“Aha.. Okay.”
The room fell silent once more..but not for long, Jian Yi breaking out into a high pitched squeal as he ripped himself out of the sleeping bag.
“EEEEEH!!”
“WHAT?! WHAT IS IT-AUKK?!”
The blond suddenly catapulted himself onto Zhan Zheng Xi, shaking and pointing down to the pile of blankets on the floor.
“Sp-sp-spiider~”
“REALLY YOU IDIOT?! GET OFF!”
Zheng Xi tried to pry the male off of him who was currently wrapped fully around his front, ankles locked behind his back as he clawed at Xi’s thin shirt. Jian Yi turned his face towards the ground behind him, snarling into the darkness at what seemed to be the most atrocious creature to ever exist.
“Get it, XIXI GET IT!”
“I CAN’T you’re-ACK practically CHOKING ME-NGH!”
“I ca-can’t move!”
“You got up here-nngk get off!”
“BUT-“
Zhan Zheng Xi grabbed the male by the back of his thin shirt, forcibly yanking his frail body back and causing him to fall backwards on the bed. Jian Yi squealed, his locked ankles so tight that Zheng Xi went flying forward with him, landing right on top of his best friend.
“Hnng!”
“What THE-“
“Ah, Zhan Zhe-“
“Don’t..move. Don’t say a word.” Zhan Zheng Xi clasped a hand over his friend’s trembling mouth, light eyes smoldering into the ones beneath him. “You are going to remain calm…unwrap your ankles from behind me…and I will kill that goddamn spider so we can get some sleep. When I remove my hand, all of this will happen, and you will not yell. Got it?”
Jian Yi nodded, eyes open wide as he tried to control his beating heart from the events that were currently taking place. Zhan Zheng Xi slowly removed his hand from the blond’s mouth. Zheng Xi appraised the blond underneath him before casting his gaze further down..
“WHAT IN THE BIRD’S BALLS ARE YOU HARD FOR?!”
Jian Yi grabbed his cheek in a failed attempt to block his friend from hitting him in the face. Zheng Xi cursed under his breath as he stood up, grabbed a slipper from by the door and smacked the area the spider was seen before. Jian Yi watched the male as he got on his hands and knees, checking around to make sure he got it and that there were no others. The blond blushed, smiling sweetly to himself.
“What are you smiling at you weirdo?”
“Oh, nothing~”
“It’s dead so you can stop yelling. You. Sleeping bag. Now.”
Jian Yi looked up at Zhan Zheng Xi who was now towering above him. The male gave him a tentative look before grabbing hold of his knees and shaking his head from side to side.
Zheng Xi sighed.
“The spider is dead.”
“What if there’s more?”
“I checked-“
“How could you possibly see? There could be some hiding, you know.”
“Jia-“
“Waiting for the right time to come out and-“
“Jian..Y-“
“-eat away at my face as I sleep on the cold floor with no-“
“ALRIGHT!”
Jian Yi’s eyes shot open at the sudden approval.
“But you better not do any stupid shit, got it?”
The blond smiled up at his friend, his teeth showing from how happy he actually was about getting his way.
“Understood!”
~~~
3:09am
Jian Yi laid on his side, facing Zhan Zhen Xi sleeping on his back before him. The blond watched the rise and fall of his friend’s chest as he dozed quietly. Copper strands of hair were splayed messily over his pillow case, a few draping over his face. He knew what time it was. He knew he should be fast asleep.
A slender hand came up to move some hair out of the sleeping Zheng Xi’s face.
He should be asleep.. but he would rather spend every second of his time watching the most beautiful face he had ever know an inch away from his own. Jian Yi studied every inch of Zheng Xi’s face, memorizing the slender curve of his jaw, the arch of his eyebrows, the perk of his lips..
Jian Yi reached his hand out, tracing his friend’s features just a centimeter above his skin. His fingers played over the sleeping male’s flawless face before going down to ghost over his collar bone. Jian Yi reached across the broad chest, breathing steadily while concentrating on his work. His hand traveled down.. right over Zhan Zheng Xi’s heart. Jian Yi held his breath, remaining still as he felt the heat from Zheng Xi’s skin radiate up to his fingertips.
The blond opened his palm over the area, closing his eyes as he concentrated hard on his task at hand. And there it was.
Zhan Zheng Xi’s heartbeat. He could hear it.
Jian Yi smiled in the darkness, opening his eyes and finally releasing a steady breath of air in satisfaction of himself. He watched his hand floating above his friend’s chest. He swore he could feel something tugging..tugging his hand down to rest over the warm cotton. The blond’s fingers trembled. He wanted nothing more than to touch him, to lay his hand upon his chest. Right over his heart. To feel it beat through the thin cotton, through his warm skin. Nothing more than to put his ear on the chest and listen to the sweetest song he had ever heard. A sudden lump in Jian Yi’s throat had him swallowing. Have you ever wanted something so bad..that it hurt more than any physical pain?
That is what the blond felt in the moment, doing everything in is power to not lean over and…
Jian Yi sighed. He did not need to touch him. You see, the thing with Jian Yi is that.. just the essence of Zhan Zheng Xi satisfied him in a way no one would ever understand. Just being able to be this close to him, to be around him..had him on a whole other level of peace and serenity. And that was all he needed. The male smiled as he moved his hand up to brush a couple more strands out of the sleeping face.
Jian Yi gasped lightly when Zhan Zheng Xi shifted, causing him to retract his hand immediately.
How could someone want something this much?
Zheng Xi opened his eyes slowly to first see a mess of blond in front of his face, Jian Yi hiding behind his hair. Next was the expression past the golden locks. A groggy voice spoke quietly to his friend.
“What in the hell are you doing awake?”
Jian Yi was so flustered from being interrupted in the middle of the strings of his affection that he turned into a babbling mess.
“I..uh.er-“
“Did you have a nightmare?”, Zhan Zheng Xi shifted onto his side to properly face his best friend.
“Er..no.”
“Jian Yi, you knock out in class within two seconds. What is keeping you up now?”
Blond hair cascaded more in front of the male’s face as he turned his expression down towards the mattress, whispering out a response.
“….you.”
Zheng Xi’s eyes opened wide, blood rushing up to his cheeks. He reached over and lifted Jian Yi’s face to see hazel eyes staring back at him brimmed with red, flushed cheeks..
Zhan Zheng Xi’s heart pounded at the sight. And in the next second, he stuffed the Jian Yi’s face down into the mattress.
“Mmf!”
“Don’t say such stupid things, alright?”
“But..Xix-“
“If you can’t sleep, you don’t need to sit there and suffer. You can tell me, I’m right here.”
Bright eyes opened wide, brimming with tears from the words spoken.
“What THE HELL is that expression for?!”
“XIXI~~”
“GO TO SLEEP!”
Zhan Zheng Xi slammed a pillow over his friend’s head, muffled giggles coming from underneath. Jian Yi replaced the pillow under his head as he settled down next to Zheng Xi, staring at the ceiling.
“Hey, Xixi.”
“What is it?”
“What would you do.. if you never met me?”
Zheng Xi’s brow furrowed in confusion at the sudden question, a slight pain coming from within his chest. He wasn’t sure why but the thought made him feel something.. made his stomach roil.. made his nerves on edge.. then he realized what the emotion was.
It pissed him off beyond extent.
“What the hell kind of question is that?!”
“Just answer, you bird brain”
“Tch” blue eyes closed as the male turned over, his back facing the waiting Jian Yi.
“For one thing it’d be a lot quieter around here. And I’d be able to get some sleep.”
“…I see.”
Zheng Xi listened as the blond turned over himself, pulling the cover they shared up over his head. Xixi was more than grateful his friend couldn’t see the heat traveling to his face or hear how hard his heart was pounding. What’s with him, asking a question like that all of a sudden?
The bronze haired male closed his eyes, breathing in that same sweet scent he caught a whiff of earlier that night. What on Earth could it be?
It wasn’t long before the blue-eyed male was drifting to sleep, leaving a once again awake Jian Yi to nothing more than his thoughts, the dark room and his tortured feelings..
Jian Yi spoke softly into the room, his words being the last thing Zhan Zheng Xi heard right before he lost consciousness.
“I think..that even if we never met.. I’d never be able to forget you.”
~~~
Doves. White doves surrounded Zhan Zheng Xi. He walked through what seemed like a shallow lake of warm water, covered in a thin layer of cherry blossom petals. The boy waded through the lake, not knowing where he was going. Light shone in the distance through the beautiful trees at the bank. Someone came to the edge of the water. He squinted, trying hard to see who it was.
They seemed to call out to him. Zhan Zheng Xi opened his mouth to respond to find that he had no voice. The person turned to walk away. The male picked up pace, splashing through the lake to get to the other side. A breeze came through the air, ruffling through the vanishing person’s hair and carrying the scent to Zheng Xi’s nose.
He gasped. This smell! Zhan Zheng Xi waded faster, coming closer and closer to the bank as the figure disappeared further and further into the light. He tried desperately to speak. Nothing came out. He tried to yell. Nothing was heard. The male tripped, splashing down into the water beneath him. He struggled desperately to get back up and reach the bank but the water seemed to pull him down, weighing on his clothing more and more. Zheng Xi ripped his shirt off, screaming out silently as he watched the last of the person fade away. He clenched his teeth, reaching two hands out of the water towards the figure, shouting at the top of his lungs…
“JIAN YI!”
Zhan Zheng Xi’s eyes burst open, his hands outstretched to his bedroom ceiling as he tried to catch his breath from being woken up by his own booming voice.
He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck as he thought back to his dream. How peculiar it was. Zheng Xi was drenched in sweat, his pulse taking longer than normal to slow. He wasn’t really one to have nightmares and on top of that he wasn’t exactly sure if he could categorize that dream as one. The man lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe sweat from his brow before turning to look beside him.
To see an empty bed.
Zheng Xi looked down to the floor next to the bed to see the sleeping bag was rolled up and packed neatly in its place. He must’ve gotten up early..
Xixi stepped out of bed, opening up his bedroom door and trotting to the kitchen. Empty.. He walked to the bathroom. Empty as well? Where could that block head be? If he left to get breakfast without me, I’m gonna kill him..
Zhan Zheng Xi slipped on some joggers and a clean shirt, stepping into sneakers and jetting out of his house. It was such a beautiful day, hot as it was. The male continued down the sidewalk towards the only place he knew he’d find his friend in the morning. His favorite cheap restaurant.
After ten minutes of walking, Zheng Xi opened the door to the restaurant to find that it had eight customers inside.
And neither of them were Jian Yi.
“Yo! Zhan Zheng Xi, how are you boy?”
“Hey old man! You see Jian Yi come in here today? Idiot was sleeping at my house and left without saying a wo-“
“Jian Yi?”
“Ah, yes. Blond. This height. Really skinny but can eat my weight in dumplings. We come in here every week.”
The shop owner appraised Zhan Zheng Xi curiously before shaking his head, “I’m sorry, son, I only see you come in here. Maybe I’m getting old, haha!”
“I..o-okay, thanks anyways! I just remembered, I have my cell so I’ll give him a call. See you later!”
“Bye now!”
Weird. Zhan Zheng Xi left the shop, prying his phone out of his back pocket. A gust of wind blew through, Zheng Xi looking up momentarily at the dark clouds that were rolling in. He returned his gaze to his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he got to the J section.
To find it empty.
What the hell?
“Hey is that Zheng Xi?”
“Zheng Xi! Goodmorning!”
“Ah, goodmorning ladies. Have either of you by chance seen Jian Yi running around here?”
The girls looked at each other quizzically before looking back into light blue eyes.
“Zhan Zheng Xi, who is that?”
Zheng Xi frowned, “Never mind” his heart began to pick up pace in his chest, “I’ll see you guys around, I have to go.”
Without thinking, the boy found himself running at full speed back to his house. Zheng Xi burst through the door, kicking his shoes off and heading straight to his room. A sickening feeling tugged at his stomach as he fought back bile rising up his throat. The male paid no mind to the crash of his door against the wall as he burst in. Something was wrong.
Within two seconds, Zheng Xi’s eyes landed on what he was looking for. He pried the photo album out of the bookcase against his wall, opening it with such force a multitude of pictures came flying out. All of them were the same as he remembered. One from his sister and him playing when they were young, one of his mother baking him cupcakes for his 7th birthday.. Trembling fingers reached out to grab the only overturned photo on the ground. The male flipped it towards his face.
Big blue eyes of a young Zhan Zheng Xi stared back at him, his cheeks round and painted with red. The boy was smiling so big, excited to be done with the play his class had just put on. He remembered everything about this moment in time. He remembered the costume he wore being too hot. He remembered his mouth hurting from smiling too much as his family took pictures. Everything was the same.
Except for one thing.
Zhan Zheng Xi stared incredulously, blue eyes unblinking at the empty space next to him in the photo. The male’s heart rose up through his throat as he dropped to his knees.
Jian Yi was gone.