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“Kagi-kun…” Hirano calls out to him wondering what he thought about kissing.
“Hmm?” Kagiura let out a groan from being so tired. Nevertheless, he was awake and ready to hear what's on his mind.
‘ Actually, how do I even ask this type of question? It seemed pretty normal earlier when the guys asked Sasaki…’
“Do you think about kissing the person you like?” Hirano thought he'd just come right out and say it just like his other classmates had. Nothing weird, right?
Except the fact that he is the person Kagiura likes.
Kagiura shot up from his bed and was deeply flustered. “I-I mean! Who wouldn't?! Hirano-san, what is with this question? Is everything alright?” Although Kagiura has his body turned towards Hirano, he continues to cover his blush, even if it's completely obvious.
“Well, my classmates were talking about it, and it seems like something that's supposed to be normal. I just wanted to know your opinion.” Hirano waves his hand in the air to clear any misunderstandings. Were there any misunderstandings? Was there anything to be misunderstood? Hirano really couldn't tell, but he feared he may have said something weird again.
“Well, what do you think?” Kagiura laid back down, still facing his roommate. “About… you know… kissing.”
They somehow ended up sharing prolonged eye contact before Hirano finally spoke. “I've never really thought about it before.” Hirano, looking away, suddenly found interest in a random balled up paper under Kagiura’s bed. How long has that been there?
“Well, coming from you, I guess that’s not too surprising…” Kagiura said after some hesitance. It was pretty quiet until he continued. “Is there something you want to talk about?”
“No. Let’s just sleep.” Kagiura felt a little flutter in his heart for a moment. The way Hirano said it made it feel like they were sleeping together although they were just a few feet away from each other. “Good night, Kagi-kun.”
“Mmn. Good night, Hirano-san.” After that discussion, Hirano thought about it for a little longer. So, he wants to kiss me then, huh… If we start dating, we’ll definitely kiss… how do you even kiss anyway?
~~~~~
Hirano suddenly felt a shift in his bed. He tiredly opened his eyes, the room was full of the refreshing shades of orange sunlight. Alongside the morning glow, light radiated from another man that sat beside him on his bed.
“Kagi-kun…” Hirano met eyes with him and Kagiura held Hirano’s hand that laid over his stomach.
“Hirano-san…” He began to lean down, and Hirano gently closed his eyes as the gap started closing in…
“Hirano-san, it’s time to wake up.”
Hirano shot right up, coming face to face with the man who was just invading his dream. “W-What??”
“Hirano-san? It’s my turn to wake you up, so it’s time to wake up. Are you okay? You seem red, are you sick?” Kagiura began to reach to feel Hirano’s forehead, but he quickly backed himself into the wall and covered himself entirely with his blanket.
“I'M UP! GET OFF MY BED NOW! I'M FINE!” Hirano was beyond flustered! He was absolutely bewildered! Did I seriously just have a dream we were about to kiss?! What is wrong with me?? Oh man, this is really pissing me the fuck off.
He jumped out of bed and stomped to the faucets to wash his face and also whatever lingered in his head from that dream just now. It’s probably just the effects of thinking too much about it yesterday. Yeah, it’s just because of stress, nothing more. Nothing more!
He walked back drying his face and just trying to focus on not thinking about it, although telling himself to stop thinking about it just made him think of it more. He got back to the room and got the place ready for morning study.
With Kagiura across from him, they both studied like normal…
WRONG!! Hirano could not focus at all. He would read the same paragraph like 3 times and still not understand what it was saying. With math, he stared at the equation for like 5 minutes before Kagiura finally spoke up, “Hirano-san, are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been staring at your book for a while… we should take a break.”
Kagiura was already closing his notebook and pencils were down. “You’re right. Actually, I think it’s just stress.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Uhh, not really. I don’t think I can.” Hirano nervously spat out. He closed his notebooks and relaxed his back against his bed. No way can I tell him I dreamt of us kissing… there’s absolutely no way.
“You seemed pretty stressed last night as well. Does it have something to do with what we talked about last night?” Kagiura was super calm and understanding. Hirano doesn’t see him like this often, so it felt nice to have Kagiura’s concern, but there’s no way he’s admitting to anything.
But he also can’t deny his Kagi-kun when he’s so patiently and cutely looking into his eyes, into his soul, with those bright, doe eyes that just make him do anything for him. Man, I really am so weak…
“Sort of. I really don’t want to talk about it right now, but maybe later. Please?” Hirano looked away and scratched the nervous itch he had on the back of his neck.
“Alright then. I think I’m going to get ready to go to practice. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Maybe we can study later.” Hirano felt bad; because of him, they had to stop studying. But he also couldn’t help his racing thoughts. Perhaps being away from Kagiura for a bit would help him forget and focus for a bit.
~~~~
He cannot focus in class. Or rather he could not stay awake. With all the stress, he fell asleep multiple times during classes, Hanzawa having to save his ass multiple times as well. “Hirano, what is up with you? Are you finally committing to the bad boy slacker era?” Hanzawa laughed.
“Yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha.” Hirano sarcastically remarked. “I’m just a bit stressed right now.”
“Woah, Hirano, anything but a nerdy hot head? That’s crazy.” Sasaki said lazily while scrolling on his phone. Hirano always found it amazing that he can be so absorbed in something else and still have the ability to listen and comment on what’s around him.
“Yeah, I’ll show you crazy.” Hirano said half-heartedly.
“Anyways, I can pass you my notes if you need it.” Hanzawa offered and the conversation changed to whatever normal stuff they usually end up talking about. While they all talked amongst themselves, Hirano tried to pay attention to distract his wandering mind.
With Ogasawara going on and on about his girlfriend though, it made Hirano think again. Doesn’t sound all that fun to date. Or at least Ogasawara makes it sound bad. Maybe it’d be a bad idea to date Kagi-kun… I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
“You make it sound like dating sucks, man. Just relax.” Sasaki said, lazily scrolling through his phone again. Hirano’s ear perked up a bit at the comment and side-eyed Ogasawara to see his reaction.
“Oh, shut up. What do you know? Just keep scrolling on your phone man.” Ogasawara slumped over his desk, giving up on complaining.
“Well, dating only sucks if you make it suck, so work hard, Ogasawara.” Hanzawa commented. It left Hirano feeling a new sense of relief. ‘
Dating only sucks if you make it suck’... interesting,
Hirano thought to himself. Thinking of it that way, he suddenly felt a lot better about his situation. He found new motivation.
I want to make this the best dating experience I can…
wait.
What did I mean by that?? Who am I dating?? What the hell??
Hirano’s face flustered and he realized he was still around his friends.
“Hirano? Are you good?” Hanzawa’s always-smiling expression fell to that of concern and even Sasaki finally looked off of his phone.
“YES! I’M FINE!” Hirano was completely red from his ears to his neck. The other three looked at each other as Hirano laid his head down on his arms on his desk. Break time was coming to an end with a ring of a bell and Hirano finally locked in.
~~~~~
After the long hours of classes and his club meeting and just being away from his home, he was finally home. Home alone however, but that’s fine. With Kagiura away in late practice, he found time to copy down notes and finish his work. After finishing his work, he headed to dinner and then the bath.
He hasn’t seen Kagiura yet.
Hm… maybe I just missed him. He should be back soon.
After almost half an hour, Kagiura dragged himself in. “Haah, I’m home.” He threw himself on his bed and let his legs fall from the side of the bed.
“Welcome back. Man, they’re really working you hard. Did you have dinner? I didn’t see you.” Hirano turned in his chair to face him.
“Yeah, just barely. I was the last one to eat. How embarrassing~.” Kagiura whined. Hirano couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. He rolled his chair to the side of Kagiura’s bed, so he didn’t have to talk across the room.
“You’re doing good, I’m sure. When you work hard, it’s good to rest. You deserve it, Kagi-kun.” Hirano felt so proud of him. Just thinking of him working hard made him want to work hard too.
“Mhm. Hirano-san, can I have my 10-seconds?” Kagiura held out his hand and Hirano held it. Something like just holding hands seemed to make Kagiura so happy. As their hands relaxed on Hirano’s lap together, Hirano couldn’t help noticing the goosebumps that stayed in the spot.
“And that’s ten seconds.” Kagiura let his hand slip from Hirano’s, but Hirano grabbed him again.
“I want to use my 10-seconds, too…” Kagiura was a little surprised at first then his face became fonder. Hirano turned his hand to see his palm. Kagiura had spots that seemed like blisters forming on his palm. Wow… he works so hard…
Hirano’s fingers tangled with Kagiura’s as held the back of his hand. Hirano was so focused on following each line on his palm. He followed each line with his thumb thinking about how focused he is when he plays basketball.
“Hirano-san.” He looked back and realized that Kagiura was watching him.
“K-Kagi-kun… You’re staring.” Hirano shied away again.
“I know.” Kagiura replied without much care.
“Well just thought you should be aware.” Hirano said a bit sarcastically. He became shyer when Kagiura wouldn’t look away.
“You’re still holding my hand.” Hirano came back to reality again. “I just thought you should be aware.” Hirano let go and rolled away from Kagiura. Kagiura didn’t fail to notice that he seemed frustrated again. He’s reacting the same way he did when he let Kagiura touch his hair.
“Why do you back away like that? What’s wrong?” Kagiura finally had a chance to ask, and he wasn’t planning on letting Hirano go without working it out. “Hirano-san?”
Hirano was having a hard time thinking or looking at Kagiura. He didn’t know how to word it or how to handle what he was feeling. He just felt that suddenly things were changing. Things didn’t feel like they felt before.
Things they did when they were just friends and things they did now that didn’t make him feel anything; he was starting to slowly notice these things and it started to become a bit overwhelming. The dream he had the previous night had not helped his situation either.
“There is just too much going on. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure what is normal anymore.” Hirano backed himself to his wall and sat with his knees to his chest. “I thought I was getting closer to how you feel, but I’m not sure. And when you say things like that to make me notice, it makes me feel mad for some reason.
“It’s normal to like people, but I’ve never liked someone before. It’s normal to do certain things with someone you like, but I’ve never had those thoughts before.” Hirano continued to hide his face in his arms, and he clenched his toes on the bed sheet.
“Hirano-san, calm down, okay? Everything is going to be fine, let’s just talk this through.” Kagiura slowly and calmly walked towards him and carefully took a seat next to him. He folded his legs like Hirano’s and with a serene look, he asked him, “Hirano-san, what’s going on?”
Kagiura has never made him feel unsafe; he’s always felt like they’ve had a friendship full of fun, but also something that can make him feel better no matter what. Just talking to Kagiura or seeing him smile made him feel at ease.
“My friends were talking about kissing your partner; about how normal it is, but when they asked me, they thought I was an endangered species or something because I said it’s not something I think about. And I thought about it more and more, and it feels like I’m not really the same.
“I know there must be people out there like me,” Hirano finally looked up and looked at Kagiura, “but even you said you’d want to kiss the person you like. Which I guess I should have expected.” Kagiura just nodded his hand in understanding. Somehow, just that was enough for his feelings to finally flood in.
“You’ve had a girlfriend in the past before… Surely you’ve kissed her once or twice.” Kagiura nodded. “I never thought that kind of thing would ever be a big deal for me, but now we’re experimenting with things every day and I thought about it. If we started dating, eventually we’d kiss.”
“Sure, we would. But hear me when I say this, even though I feel strong feelings for you and might feel a little impatient, I will not force you to do something you don’t want, and I don’t want to rush you.” Kagiura leaned over and nudged his shoulder with his own. “I love you, but I also don’t mean any rush.”
“But what if I never understand? I don’t want you to be sad.” Tears had unknowingly welled up in his eyes and started falling. Kagiura reached out his hand and wiped away his tears, but it was useless when more followed behind anyways.
“That won’t happen, because I already made it my plan to make you fall for me.” He said with an accompanying smile that made Hirano melt. Somehow, he knew that he was telling the truth, and it made him feel so much relief. “Do you mind saying how you feel about me? It might help you if you say it outloud.”
The thought that he would figure it out also scared him because he’s also unsure of what will come next. But he can’t let his own fear push his best friend away. The person he cares about the most…
“I just feel safer with you, but I also want you to feel safe with me. I wanted to make sure you had a good experience here, but now I just want you to be happy. I don’t want to be the reason you are sad. I thought being there for you was enough, but I don’t know why but things are feeling different again.
“I find myself looking forward to doing things with you like studying or playing basketball together, waking up in the mornings, even the 10 seconds of touching. Last night after we talked, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that we might kiss one day. I even had a dream-” Hirano was talking so much he almost forgot he was never going to talk about the dream, especially to the person who was in it.
His mouth just hung open as he hesitated to say more. “I-I… Uhh: I mean-”
Kagiura was flustered.
“Kagi-kun?”
The man who was telling Hirano all this cheesy stuff and even wiped his tears away chose now was the time he’d get flustered. “Don’t mind me, please. What did you dream about?”
“Ahhhh I can't!” Hirano grabbed his pillow and hid his face in embarrassment.
Kagiura nudged him more. “Don’t be shy, what happened~?” Although it was very humiliating to bring it up, it began lightening the mood.
“Nah, I can’t say it. It’s way too embarrassing.” Hirano said flatly.
“Alright, you don’t need to tell me. I have enough imagination to wonder what happened.” Kagiura nudged him again and laughed aloud and Hirano followed suit. “I hope it wasn’t anything naughty. I don’t think I’d be able to handle myself.”
“Don’t worry, it was nothing naughty. It was…,” Hirano paused as the dream flashed through his mind. “It was nice.” a soft smile drew itself on his face and Kagiura sighed.
“Haah, I can only imagine.” Hirano watched Kagiura throw his head back in disappointment but decided this was okay. “But do you feel better letting it out?”
Hirano almost forgot he was sad. He got distracted with Kagiura again, but he definitely felt a weight lifted from his chest. “I think I have gotten a little closer to understanding how I feel.” I know that I’d be happy with him.
“Hmm. Well, I’m glad. If you ever have any troubling thoughts that are troubling you again, just say them out loud. Or if there’s a good feeling you have that just nudges your mind, say it out loud. My parents say, ‘if you are happy, show it.’”
There was another pause and just prolonged eye contact.
“You make me happy, Kagi-kun. Thank you for being patient with me.”
“It’s my pleasure, Hirano-san! And I promise, I’ll wait for you so no rush. Trust me.”
~~~~~~~~
END