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An onslaught of powerful and indescribable emotions takes over both of them when Caitlyn finally wakes up. There’s a lot to grieve, questions to ask, and reassurances to be made. But the relief is undeniable.
The relief is, also, inescapable. There might be guilt, for surviving when others didn’t, for healing when others couldn’t, for just getting to be with each other at the end. But the relief overflows from them in joyful tears when they get to look at each other and accept that they both made it out alive.
After the biggest questions are answered,
Are you okay? Yes, I heard you, but really, are you okay?
Can I trust the doctors, though? Are you really going to be alright?
And the most painful moments are shared,
She pulled the trigger, Vi. If Mel hadn’t been there, I…
What if I had been faster, Cait? What if I had listened to her?
After the doctor’s done giving her instructions, Mel stops by, and Caitlyn’s father reluctantly goes home, Caitlyn and Vi are finally left alone once more. This time though, they have with them the company of a haunting new piece of information. There was no salvaging Caitlyn’s left eye.
Caitlyn lies perfectly still in bed, with her arms crossed over her chest, a bandage still wrapped around half of her face, and her right eye fixed on some spot on her bed sheets. She’s miles away. From her spot on an uncomfortable chair, leaning her arms on her thighs, Vi isn’t quite sure how to reach her.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asks, not very optimistic about her chances of saying the right thing.
“About what?” Caitlyn replies, colder and more distant than Vi has heard her in a long time. But she knows it has nothing to do with her, she knows this isn’t Caitlyn speaking, exactly. That’s the pain taking over or, more accurately, her defenses speaking for her.
“Cait… Your eye.”
Vi grimaces at her choice of words, her timing, her delivery, all of it. She had doubted her ability to make things better, but she had at least hoped to not make things worse. She’s not sure she’s succeeding so far.
Caitlyn stubbornly keeps looking away from her, but despite the bandage Vi can still notice her frowning.
“It’s gone ,” Caitlyn says curtly. Vi knows her well enough by now to guess that her harshness and choice of words are directed inward rather than at Vi herself. “It was a small price to pay for this war,” Caitlyn continues. “Certainly not the biggest sacrifice anyone had to make. Not even my own greatest loss.”
Vi sighs and runs the palms of her hands over her thighs. She’s squirming in her seat as she tries to think of something useful to say, even while knowing Caitlyn’s right.
“It’s still alright to be upset about it, though.”
Vi feels almost proud of her words until she watches Caitlyn’s head sharply turn to the left to glare at her. Caitlyn is so close to snapping at her, to misdirecting her anger and her grief. Something stops her though. The bandage… She has to move her head a little more to the side to be able to see all of Vi with her one remaining eye. When she realizes her own struggle, her defenses crumble, and all that’s left is grief.
Caitlyn’s face softens away from a frown and directly into the signs of deep sorrow. Her lips part to utter the words stuck in her throat but she loses them. Vi’s attentive eyes are her undoing. Caitlyn turns away from her, but Vi can still see her jaw tremble with the effort to keep herself from crying.
“I feel… incomplete,” Caitlyn whispers.
When Caitlyn’s voice breaks, Vi’s heart follows right along.
Vi doesn’t waste another second jumping out of her seat and walking around the bed to stand on Caitlyn’s right. Minus some bumps on the road, to Vi, Caitlyn has had her back since day one. She has been Vi’s greatest support since the day they met. To Vi, it is nothing short of an honor to vow quietly to herself in that moment to always be by Caitlyn’s side, whenever she needs her most. She can be Caitlyn’s eyes on her left. She can live on her right side, always visible, always there for her. Anything for her.
Until she has a chance to let her actions speak for themselves, Vi tries her luck with words once more. Still afraid of only worsening things, Vi cautiously leans her hands on Caitlyn’s bed and waits until Caitlyn eventually looks up at her to speak.
“You’re still perfect to me, cupcake.”
Caitlyn parts her lips again to speak, but she only sighs softly. Her face stills into a serene expression, devoid of anger or threats of tears. A fleeting smile passes by her lips.
“Thanks for being here, Vi,” she says softly.
That takes Vi by surprise. She thinks that, quite literally, she has nowhere else to be. But, most importantly, she didn’t even think about being anywhere else other than at Caitlyn’s side this entire time. Her presence next to Caitlyn feels so obvious to her that any gratitude feels somewhat unearned.
Vi blushes, and awkwardly scratches the back of her head, wondering how she could’ve dodged that display of affection like a punch to the gut.
“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” Vi replies, attempting a smile.
For a moment, Vi starts to panic when Caitlyn’s face falls again. Her right eye fills with tears and her bottom lip bobbles in a way that has Vi genuinely scared she’ll burst out crying too.
“I need you, Violet,” Caitlyn says. “I need you more than ever.”
Those words break Vi in a way that she has never experienced before. Even if her instincts hadn’t told her to carefully sit on that bed to find a way to hug Caitlyn, Vi thinks that she would’ve had to do it anyway, just because Caitlyn’s earnestness made her weak in the knees.
It’s a combination of one too many things. Her sympathy for Caitlyn. The sincerity and the tones of desperation in Caitlyn’s voice. The weight of all the love they felt for each other. And perhaps most shocking in that moment, the realization that her words didn’t make things worse and weren’t necessary to make things better. Caitlyn needs her . She wants Vi there. Her presence there is the most important part, because Caitlyn loves her exactly as she is.
And Vi just happens to be someone who means every single word when she looks at Caitlyn and swears, “I’m here, Cait. I’ll always be here for you.”
Although some of their injuries still ache, although Caitlyn hisses when the movement bothers the wound in her stomach, they wrap their arms around each other and hold on as best as they can. Vi cradles Caitlyn’s body against hers, and if it were up to her, she would never ever let go of her.
Vi hasn’t left Caitlyn’s hospital room unless strictly necessary or unless Caitlyn herself asks her to go get a warm meal and a shower.
Vi thinks fondly that Caitlyn simply doesn’t get how nice sleeping in a chair in a hospital room can be in comparison to other places Vi has had to live in. Plus, in addition to the fact that she gets to keep Caitlyn company and look at her every time she wakes up, Vi believes that she genuinely wasn’t exaggerating when she told Caitlyn there’s no other place she’d rather be.
One day, Vi is tricked into falling asleep by Caitlyn playing with her hair and speaking softly at her for just long enough. Vi was sitting on her usual chair, but pulled as close as possible to Caitlyn’s bed so she could rest her arms and then her head on the bed, right by Caitlyn’s hand.
Vi wakes up from her nap with a yawn, and she’s welcomed into consciousness by Caitlyn’s delicate fingers caressing her cheek. They have gone through hell and back, they haven’t even made it out of the hospital yet, and Vi is already thinking that despite it all, life can feel too good to be true.
“How are you?” Caitlyn asks her.
“Awake,” Vi replies with one more yawn. She holds Caitlyn’s hand with one of her own and rubs the sleepiness out of her eyes with her free hand turned into a fist.
There is a sort of amused hum from Caitlyn at Vi’s answer, perhaps at Vi’s adorable gestures that she wouldn’t call as such unless she wanted to tease Vi.
“I mean…” Caitlyn sighs. “I’m just terrible. I haven’t even asked how you’ve been doing.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine, I promise.”
Vi speaks those words accompanied by a warm smile. Her eyes linger for a moment on Caitlyn’s face. Assuming Caitlyn believes her, Vi looks away. She sits straighter on the chair and raises her arms to stretch her sore muscles. The movement is pleasant after the nap she spent in a mildly uncomfortable position, but it also awakens a handful of aching spots through her body. She groans when she cranes her neck this way and that. Satisfied, Vi lets her arms fall again, but when she looks at Caitlyn she finds a thoughtful and inquisitive look on her face.
“Let me see,” Caitlyn says.
Her tone is infinitely soft. There’s nothing of the Commander’s authority in it. Despite that, Vi still feels like there’s no room left for arguing. Perhaps it is because of that tenderness that Vi feels even more compelled to do absolutely anything Caitlyn asks of her.
At the moment, Vi doesn’t really understand what Caitlyn is asking though. Not just because one look at her beautiful face instantly makes her forget whatever was the subject of the conversation they were having. But then Caitlyn extends a hand over to her and Vi gets her cue.
Her hand immediately shoots out to hold Caitlyn’s, but that isn’t enough. Caitlyn doesn’t have to say the words, and Vi believes that even without that squeeze of a hand she would have instinctively jumped out of her seat to move closer to Caitlyn. She stands on the right side of the hospital bed. She’s patient, almost holding her breath as Caitlyn runs a feather-like thumb over her bruised knuckles. They are uncovered, and Vi feels strangely naked that way. Caitlyn’s reverence makes her feel weak in the knees, and that isn’t just an excuse to sit on the edge of the bed. She’s close enough now that she doesn’t have to stretch at all when Caitlyn picks up their intertwined hands and brings Vi’s hand to her lips.
Caitlyn’s lips have to be, without a doubt, the softest thing Vi’s knuckles have graced since she can remember. Vi feels an unexpected knot in her stomach. Her lips part to say something but she promptly realizes she has no idea how to react to Caitlyn’s delicate display of affection. A trembling gasp of breath is as much as she can manage before Caitlyn, taking pity on her or not even noticing Vi’s internal struggle, speaks up again.
“You were really hurt that day, I remember,” she says.
“It was nothing,” Vi shrugs easily, but an impatient look from Caitlyn has her protesting. “Hey, you were bleeding out! These are barely scratches.”
Caitlyn frowns in response to her nonchalance, and Vi thinks that her first reaction probably shouldn’t be to find the gesture endearing, but she can’t help it. Caitlyn lets go of her hand and instead reaches up to cradle Vi’s cheek. Vi relaxes under her touch, but the scrutiny doesn’t leave Caitlyn’s face. After another second, Vi registers Caitlyn’s thumb softly but deliberately brushing a particular spot on her cheekbone. The place where her tattoo now stands crossed by a healing scar. Thin but noticeable. Caitlyn’s frown deepens.
“It’s okay,” Vi whispers, though this time she doesn’t feel as nonchalant. She knows that each scar will remind her forever of the actual losses she had that day. She’s grateful that Caitlyn is, at the moment, only asking about the physical scars.
“Is there more?” Caitlyn asks her, soft again, as if the caress was soothing for both of them.
“Nothing important,” Vi replies, and adds a small smile that she hopes will convince Caitlyn.
Effectively, Caitlyn can’t hold back the fleeting smile that takes over her lips in response. Her cheeks even gain a little more color. But she’s back to business soon enough. Her hand moves again with a known destination.
Once more Caitlyn takes Vi’s breath away when her hand lands on Vi’s stomach, right over the scar that was once a wound that worried Caitlyn until she was sick. Vi places a hand over hers and for once she doesn’t fight Caitlyn’s concern or affection. She lets both of them have this moment and take their time with it. Vi breathes in deeply, and exhales slowly. Her abdomen moves and Caitlyn’s hand feels every twitch of her muscles as she breathes. She’s alive and well, Caitlyn can feel it, and it’s the most perfect reminder of it.
“I’m fine, I promise,” Vi says. Her voice finally settles on something soft, confident, not undermining her pain, not scared of Caitlyn’s attention on her either.
Caitlyn nods, and Vi can swear that it’s the first she sees her relax and loosen her entire body in bed since she woke up. That significant achievement is only improved by Caitlyn’s next words.
“Vi… Kiss me,” she says, an imperative request spoken almost in the tone of a supplication.
Vi, of course, is more than glad to comply. This she can do much better than try to convince Caitlyn with words. This way she can prove her body is doing fine enough. Without words, she can reassure Caitlyn more confidently that she’s going to be alright, and that she won’t go anywhere.
They kiss each other slowly at first, savoring it as if it were the first time, or as if a hundred years had passed since their last kiss. Perhaps the reason their kisses experience a sudden uptick in passion is because they remember that it’s been days, in fact, since they had a moment like this.
At first, Vi is beyond happy to comply, to part her lips for Caitlyn, to kiss her like the world was ending all over again. But Caitlyn’s eagerness comes with a price, and it’s her who hisses in pain at her own movements. She tries to sit up to chase Vi’s lips, but the wound in her stomach still doesn’t allow her to flex her abdomen very well and without searing pain.
Vi flinches away, extremely worried at first. But she ends up chuckling fondly at Caitlyn’s impatience and deeply frustrated reaction to her limitation. She does her best to placate her with a much sweeter kiss, now placed on her forehead.
Caitlyn is finally allowed to return home and heal the rest of the way in her own bed. This achievement is mildly overshadowed by Caitlyn’s frustration with the slow pace of her recovery. Vi supports her as well as she can, she deals with Caitlyn’s impatience kindly, and tries not to tease her too much about it, just enough to steal some smiles from her here and there. It’s the first time in a long time that Vi tries to solve a problem with patience and love and, to her great surprise, it’s not enough. It’s good, her efforts, her concern, and her company are really good, and Caitlyn makes sure to tell her so. But, as it turns out, Caitlyn’s restlessness soon informs her of something else missing.
It takes a fair amount of convincing on Caitlyn’s part to get Vi to even lie down in bed with her. Vi struggles to put down the fear that she will end up accidentally hurting her in any way. But, with her new eye patch in place, her bandages freshly changed, and all her stitches looking good, Caitlyn feels comfortable for the first time since the final battle when she gets to rest in Vi’s arms.
This kind of peace is almost unprecedented for Vi, but she’s glad to bask in it. In fact, when she feels Caitlyn’s lips first trace her jaw, she considers herself in heaven. They are cuddling at the center of Caitlyn’s bed. Caitlyn’s head has been resting on Vi’s shoulder until just a moment ago, when she carefully shifts in place to leave feather-light kisses on Vi’s neck.
With her eyes closed, Vi sighs contentedly, tightens her arms almost imperceptibly around Caitlyn, and lets her head fall back, accepting the increasingly passionate attention from the girl she loves. It lasts for a few blissful moments longer, enough to wake Vi’s whole body up, but then a distressed hiss from Caitlyn stops everything in its tracks.
“Caitlyn?” Vi exclaims, opening her eyes and turning as best as she can to look at the girl in her arms.
“Unbelievable,” Caitlyn groans. She has a palm resting over her stomach, over the source of pain whenever she tries to twist her torso. “I can’t move, I can’t do anything .”
Vi slowly works on disentangling their bodies, mostly in hopes that Caitlyn won’t catch her smiling fondly at what Vi would readily call her spoiled princess tone if she didn’t think it was a bad moment.
“You don’t have to do anything, cupcake,” Vi happily reminds her, getting comfortable beside her, but keeping a safe distance between their bodies. A safe distance that Caitlyn eyes with a frown. “You just have to, you know, rest.”
“A complete waste of my time,” Caitlyn says with a huff.
This time Vi knows she isn’t quite successful in hiding her amusement at Caitlyn’s impatience with her recovery. Fortunately, she also cradles Caitlyn’s cheek with the palm of her hand, and Caitlyn melts into her touch, forgetting about the teasing.
“What do you even need to do so badly?” Vi asks her.
Caitlyn raises her eyes to Vi’s face, and the intensity of her gaze makes Vi a little breathless.
“Kiss me, Vi,” Caitlyn says.
Vi feels her heart skip a beat inside her chest. There’s nothing more she wants than to comply with Caitlyn’s request and then some more, but she’s still reluctant to even touch her, terrified to hurt her in any way.
“So, ordering me around?” Vi jokes, or attempts to, but Caitlyn doesn’t even give her a reaction beyond her frown deepening.
Defenseless under Caitlyn’s waiting eyes, Vi finally gives in. She holds herself up on an elbow as she leans over Caitlyn’s frame lying on her back on the bed. Vi leans down slowly, as slowly as her own impatience and desire could possibly allow her to. When their lips finally connect, Vi feels as if all the air leaves her lungs. It takes everything in her not to completely fall down over Caitlyn.
They savor every kiss. Caitlyn noticeably relaxes as soon as Vi indulges her like this, kissing her deeply and without hurry. It all changes when Caitlyn’s hands remember her impatience. She runs a hand along Vi’s arm, caresses her shoulder, and finally lets it rest on the back of Vi’s head, tugging on her hair to make her intentions known. But as much as Caitlyn pulled Vi closer, when she found herself at risk of losing her balance, Vi let her other hand fall on the bed on Caitlyn’s other side, hovering above her without really letting their bodies touch.
As her frustration reaches a new level, Caitlyn interrupts their kisses with a huff.
“You’re not going to break me if you touch me, you know?” she says. Despite the tension in her tone, there’s still a strong thread of affection, and sincere endearment at Vi’s caution.
“Are we sure?” Vi chuckles nervously. Her eyes trail along the length of Caitlyn’s body, enamored, but also taking mental count of every spot where she was hurt during battle.
“We’ll be careful,” Caitlyn says, her voice is so soft but her choice of words is so confident that Vi would bet Caitlyn knows as well as she does in that moment that she already won the argument. “I need you.”
Carefully, slowly, Vi places her hand on Caitlyn’s slim waist. The way Caitlyn closes her eyes and sighs as if she’d been fighting for that delight her whole life, it almost has Vi throwing all caution to the wind and forgetting about any and all healing wounds. But then she notices Caitlyn arching her back a little, and she knows by now that any more of it will have her hissing in pain at the stretch on the still tender skin of the stitches in her stomach.
“Can you stay still for me?” Vi asks her.
“Obviously,” Caitlyn replies with a sigh that, unfortunately for her, betrays how much effort this will take from her.
Still, Vi can’t deny her anything a moment longer.
With all the love and tenderness that she’s still discovering she’s capable of, Vi moves closer to Caitlyn and she grants them both the satisfaction of touching as much as she likes. She reconnects their lips in a kiss, and her right hand begins softly exploring Caitlyn’s body as if it were the first time. Vi’s hand trails upward, following every curve of Caitlyn’s body. When she first brushes her fingers against Caitlyn’s neck, Caitlyn shivers so hard that Vi pulls back from the kiss just to remind her to stay still. Caitlyn exhales sharply and waits, and this time she’s immediately rewarded.
The hand on Caitlyn’s neck helps Vi to hold her steady while her kisses drift away from Caitlyn’s open mouth, down her jaw, and along the curve of her neck. By then, Caitlyn’s precious sighs and her own raging heartbeat alert Vi that their impatience has little to do with recovery, and she’s not interested in torturing either of them any longer. Her mouth and her hand follow down Caitlyn’s throat. Vi doesn’t put too much effort into caring about the fabric of Caitlyn’s nightgown when she pushes it down as far as it can go, she’s merely content to confirm nothing has caused Caitlyn any discomfort. Though, judging by Caitlyn’s pleased gasp when Vi’s lips finally find her nipple, it will take a lot to distract her from her current pleasure.
Vi isn't in a hurry exactly, but she’s putting so much of her focus on being gentle that going slow isn’t exactly a priority anymore. Fortunately, that seems to be exactly what Caitlyn was expecting. While Vi is delighted to let her mouth take her time worshipping Caitlyn’s chest, her hand doesn’t stop for a second. She trails her fingers down until she reaches the hem of Caitlyn’s purple nightgown, which has conveniently, although probably not very accidentally, already risen past any point of decency. She at least remembers very well which of Caitlyn’s legs was hurt during battle, and that means she can caress and grip Caitlyn’s other thigh to her heart’s content. She has to muffle a laugh against Caitlyn’s skin when she feels her part her legs in anticipation.
Vi continues to indulge her too. Soon enough, her fingers skim the inside of Caitlyn’s thigh and reach her underwear, which Vi finds already considerably damp.
“You were actually desperate, huh?” Vi asks her. She touches Caitlyn softly at first, leisurely running the back of her fingers along her underwear, applying a little more pressure with her knuckles, and feeling Caitlyn take a deep shuddering breath as a reaction.
“Vi,” Caitlyn moans her name, since Vi’s question barely registers in her mind and, even then, both of them know she doesn’t expect an answer. All she can do by then is hold on to any part of Vi she can reach, keep grabbing her hair, dig her nails into her shoulder, and wait for exactly everything she’s asked for.
At that moment, Vi chooses to push Caitlyn’s underwear to the side and touch her without any barrier, finally. That first touch affects them at once. Vi groans against Caitlyn’s skin, and she practically feels Caitlyn gasp and her hips buck in search of more friction.
“I’ve got you,” Vi says with a soothing whisper, but it is such a contradiction, her shushing Caitlyn’s whimpers at the same time that her fingers are expertly undoing her.
Vi works her as slowly as she can, but with steady and sure movements. Caitlyn reacts intensely to it all. It takes everything in her to try to hold still, even when Vi slips a finger with incredible ease inside her. Vi keeps whispering soothing words mingled with gentle commands that Caitlyn relishes as if they were touching her skin just as much. Truth is, even if the tension in her muscles or the twitching she can’t control were hurting her in any way, she would hardly feel it. She’s too focused on Vi, her mouth on her neck, her hand between her legs, the sounds she’s pulling from her, the feeling of those fingers curling inside, bringing her right to the edge, and finally pushing her beyond.
“Vi!” Caitlyn cries out her name and collapses against Vi’s body, who wraps an arm around her, cradling her against her body, with her other hand working her gently through the aftershocks of her pleasure.
Caitlyn’s hips follow Vi’s movement for a few moments, and they feel in heaven as they clutch each other so tightly. Eventually, a little pained whimper does escape from Caitlyn. It must be something impossible to ignore for her to let it interrupt their moment. But when she pulls back and Vi carefully helps her lay down comfortably again, Caitlyn doesn’t even seem that upset about her defeat.
In fact, Caitlyn is a perfect depiction of love and bliss when Vi takes the time to look at her again. Her hair is splayed on her pillows, and her blushed chest is still rising and falling heaving, but she’s smiling at Vi with such adoration.
“You good, cupcake?” Vi asks her.
Caitlyn nods confidently, and holds Vi’s face in her hands, pulling her in softly for a kiss.
“I’m fine,” Caitlyn says, and she means the words more than ever when she adds, “We’ll be fine, Vi. Definitely.”