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Charles had met Edwin Payne at the campus gym a few months ago, and he liked to think they had become quite good friends in that time. It had been a chance meeting, really, both of them seeking refuge from a storm raging outside and having little else to do but get in an extra workout. A particularly loud clap of thunder combined with the lights going out for a moment had startled Charles into dropping a weight on his foot, and Edwin, who had been running on a treadmill nearby, had been the one to help him limp to the nurses station in the dark to make sure he hadn't broken it. They had only talked briefly then, mostly Edwin lecturing him on some safety thing he'd long since forgotten the crux of, and had parted ways once Charles had been cleared of anything worse than a bruise to both his foot and his pride. That hadn't stopped Charles from seeking him out every time he went to the gym after.
It took a few fruitless attempts before he'd seen him again, but Charles had slipped up beside Edwin where he was setting up a bench press and asked him if he needed a spotter, and the two of them had fallen into an easy routine after that. Charles liked Edwin. He could be quiet and bookish, but he also had a quick wit and a dry sense of humor that never failed to pull a laugh out of Charles. Conversation, when it was desired, was always easy between them, and before long Charles found himself learning everything there was to know about his new friend. He filed away pieces of information between days at the gym and treasured them like they were some great prize. He knew that Edwin was studying law, that he was top of his class in his courses and unashamed of bragging about it. He knew that he jogged every morning unless the weather was truly so abysmal that it prevented it, and that he went to the gym twice a week on top of that. He grew up in Sheffield, his favourite colour was blue, he had a very poor spice tolerance, and he was more partial to cats than dogs.
He always enjoyed watching Edwin workout. In a distinctly non-creepy way, of course. It was just impressive. He was impressive. His build didn’t lend itself to being overly athletic, and Edwin was, by his own admission, quite abysmal at almost every sport. But he was fast, and he was strong, and he couldn’t throw a punch to save his life but that didn’t matter much when he had such a harsh resting bitch face that it deterred most people from even wanting to approach him, let alone pick a fight. Charles liked watching him, liked counting his reps for him and watching the strain of his otherwise unremarked upon biceps as he did so. You couldn’t tell he was built from just looking at him, not at first anyways, and it was fascinating to see the way his muscles seemed to appear out of nowhere when he actually put them to use. Watching him run was just as interesting. He had the longest legs Charles had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but acknowledge that it was the kind of thing that would send his mind spinning on a girl. It didn’t, though, because this wasn’t a girl, it was Edwin.
Edwin, who seemed to have finally noticed Charles’ presence where he was leaning against the wall beside him. He hit the buttons to slow down the treadmill he had been sprinting on, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his brow with it when it stopped. He wasn’t a six pack abs kind of built, but he did have a surprisingly narrow waist. It made him look a bit like a superhero, Charles thought, slightly broad shoulders tapering into his ribs and down to his hips, where his silhouette tapered outwards again ever so slightly with his thighs.
“Charles.” Edwin greeted, pulling his headphones off and settling down on a bench to catch his breath. His small smile twitched into a frown when Charles all but collapsed onto the bench next to him. “You look– out of sorts.”
He thought on his words carefully, but it didn't stop Charles from flinching slightly in response to them. Edwin wasn't trying to be mean, he knew that. He was simply making an observation out of concern for Charles and trying to phrase it in the least harsh way he could, but Charles had looked in a mirror before he left the house. He knew he looked rough. There were bags under his eyes from a night of fitful sleep and he hadn't even slightly bothered attempting to tame his hair, the curls going off in every direction and doing whatever they pleased. He felt, to put it simply, like absolute flaming shit, and he had no doubt he looked it too. ‘Out of sorts’ was such an understatement it may as well have come from hell.
“That's one way of putting it.” Charles sighed, dropping forward to hang his head between his knees.
“Has something happened?” Edwin asked, sliding ever so slightly closer to him on the bench in an awkward attempt at comfort.
Charles smiled despite himself. “Broke up with my girlfriend.”
The statement was simple, the words coming out like they were ones he'd spoken one hundred times before, but every one of them felt like a stab in his still aching chest. He felt raw and frayed, like a live wire in a thunderstorm. Any second now he was going to spark and catch fire to everything in his path. He felt sorry for Edwin being there to witness it.
“Crystal?” Edwin asked softly, and Charles couldn't help but feel fondness for him at his remembering her name.
He nodded slightly, his eyes fixed on his sneakers where they sat against the concrete floor. “Yeah. We split yesterday.”
“I am truly sorry, Charles.” Edwin said. Charles felt his hand come to rest lightly on his shoulder and let out a deep, shaky breath. “Would you like to talk about it?”
That gave him pause. Charles believed he knew Edwin quite well. He was the closest friend he'd ever had, apart from Crystal (and wasn't that sad, that his best friends were his ex-girlfriend and a man he only ever saw at the gym), and he had become very familiar with all of Edwin's little quirks. His distaste for talking about feelings in particular. He trusted Edwin, and he knew that trust was reciprocated, but there was a certain level of personality that Edwin had been thus far unwilling to cross into. They didn't speak of families, which was perfectly fine by Charles, or feelings, or why some days Charles would arrive to find Edwin with headphones on and they would spend that session in companionable silence. Edwin didn't do feelings. He had made that abundantly clear when Charles had asked about it, and that was a boundary Charles was doing his level best to respect. But now here Edwin was, pushing himself outside of that comfort zone they had created without a care.
Charles straightened up slightly, not enough to dislodge the hand on his shoulder but enough to be able to get a proper look at Edwin's face. He studied him for a long moment, carefully inspecting every aspect of his expression for a hint towards discomfort. The idea that Edwin, who regularly pushed himself through so many extra reps that his hands went numb on the bar, would allow himself to be uncomfortable for the sake of assisting Charles was not an outlandish one. He found no traces of the discomfort he was looking for, only a soft fondness alongside open and earnest concern.
“We just–” Charles said finally, cutting himself off and exhaling deeply to gather his thoughts. “We just don't work. Not as a couple. And we got together so soon after shit exploded with her demon ex and I wasn't in a great place either and I think we were just using each other as a distraction.”
Edwin hummed thoughtfully, his thumb moving in circles against Charles’ shoulder so lightly that he would have missed it had he not been so focused on that point of contact. “You mistook your desire for support as a desire for romantic companionship.”
Charles nodded. “Yeah. Yeah that's pretty much it. You're a lot better at summing shit up than I am.”
“We are both prone to tangents.” Edwin said placatingly, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“We were together, what, six months? And it was a mutual thing and we're gonna try and stay friends but it just feels like shit right now.” He finished, turning away from Edwin and dropping his head again.
“I understand that feeling.” Edwin said, his tone laced with sympathy that, were it anyone else, Charles would have prickled at.
“What, you break up with your girlfriend who was also your best friend too?” He teased, sliding towards Edwin slightly and knocking his knee into the side of his leg.
Edwin smiled slightly. “Actually, I did. Though he was my boyfriend, not my girlfriend.”
“Oh.” Charles said dumbly.
The idea of Edwin liking men wasn’t what shocked him, not really. Charles knew plenty of queer people, and he had no problems with them. It was more so that he had, in all honesty, never really considered Edwin dating at all. Charles talked his ear off about Crystal constantly, and Edwin never mentioned a partner of his own in return, so he had never given it much thought. Why would he, when it was so evidently not his business. Besides, Edwin was a good looking guy. More than just good looking, Charles would argue, but that was a different point entirely. There was no way he’d ever have a problem pulling anyone he wanted, so Charles had begun to assume he just didn’t have any interest in dating. There was a word for that, he knew. Something that started with an A. Crystal had taught him about it, once. God, Charles wanted to stop thinking about Crystal.
Edwin raised an eyebrow in response to the prolonged silence that followed his confession. “Is my having dated a boy a problem for you, Charles?”
“No! No, not at all mate! Fuck, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I spaced out like that. I-” Charles cut off his backpedaling when he noticed the smirk that was pulling at Edwin’s features. He was teasing him, Charles realised. A surge of warm affection pushed through his veins at the sight of it and he let himself laugh. “Oh piss off.”
“I do understand.” Edwin said, his voice taking on that sympathetic quality again. “Breakups are difficult, even when mutual. I am sorry you’re struggling with yours so deeply.”
It was the most earnest emotion Charles had ever heard from Edwin. They didn’t do this feelings talk, but now that they had Charles was realising that it was nice. He hadn’t had someone to talk to about things like this other than Crystal in a long time, maybe ever, and it wasn’t like he could turn to her to mope about their breakup. She had the patience of a saint when it came to him, but he didn’t think it would extend quite that far.
“You said yours was your best friend too.” Charles said, suddenly desperate to get the attention off of him.
If Edwin noticed his sudden shift in focus, which he undoubtedly did, he had the grace not to acknowledge it, instead just nodding slightly. “Yes. His name was Simon. It was a different situation entirely, seeing as he was ashamed to be seen in public with me, but I do understand how it feels to lose your closest friend and partner in one person.”
“Don’t know how someone could ever be ashamed of you, mate.” Charles said, his voice dripping sincerity.
“Yes, well.” Edwin trailed off, a flush rising on his cheeks that made Charles grin.
It was different from the kind of flush that Charles usually saw on him- the kind that came from exercise and hard work. This one was softer, more pink than red, and while he knew realistically there probably wasn’t any actual difference he catalogued it anyways. He liked Edwin like that, he thought. Flustered was a good look on him.
“Well, I’ll just have to be your new best mate to make up for it, won’t I?” Charles declared, grinning broadly at him.
Edwin smiled. It was funny how easily the sight of that smile eased the weight that had been sitting on his chest all day. It was like he was magic. Maybe he was. Charles had never believed in that kind of thing before, but if there was anything that could make him, it would be that soft smile on Edwin’s lips.
“I suppose as your newly appointed ‘best friend’,” Edwin said, a teasing lilt to his voice. “It is my duty to tell you to go home. I hate to say it, Charles, but you look horrible.”
Charles winced a little, but he still laughed. “Oh, fuck off. You don’t hate to say it. Humbling me is your favourite pastime.”
“Third favourite.” Edwin corrected, letting out an exasperated sigh as he looked over Charles with more scrutiny. He resisted the urge to squirm under the weight of his gaze. “Honestly, Charles, why did you even come here today? You look like you would rather be in your grave than sitting here.”
It was harsh, but Charles couldn’t deny that it was a little bit true. It had taken almost all of his mental fortitude to force himself out of bed and onto the bus to meet Edwin at the gym, and the moment he stepped foot inside the locker room, with its noise and bright lights and chemical cleaner scent, he had been hit with a headache so bad it made him nauseous. He’d had to sit in a bathroom stall with his eyes closed for ten minutes just to will it to go away, the lack of sleep and emotional turmoil of the previous day almost debilitating. He hadn’t wanted to go to the gym, but he had wanted to see Edwin. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known it would make him feel better, and he had been right.
“Couldn’t just leave you hanging, could I? Didn’t want you wondering why I wasn’t showing up.” He smiled, knocking his knee into the side of Edwin’s leg again.
Edwin looked at him like he was an idiot, which he was, but he wasn’t sure what he had done to earn that specific look this time around. He was subject to it a lot, to be fair, and he couldn’t always be counted on to be aware of his own stupidity.
“Charles,” Edwin said slowly, like one might explain something to a small child. “You have my phone number. You could have texted me and told me you were not feeling well.”
Oh. Yeah. He did. Okay, Charles definitely felt a bit stupid for that one. It must have shown on his face, because he was rewarded with a small, self-satisfied smile from Edwin. In his defense, they didn’t text all that often. Edwin had sent him a few messages during exams to let him know he wouldn’t be at the gym, or that he was going in the middle of the night incase Charles wanted to join him, but it wasn’t often enough that he was at the top of his message history. They never really had conversations over text. They should change that, Charles thought.
“Right. Forgot about that.” He said sheepishly.
Edwin huffed out half of a laugh. “Go home, Charles. Sleep. You look as though you need it more than anyone.”
The idea of going home was definitely appealing, but he frowned at the suggestion regardless. “You sure? I don’t wanna just skip out on you, mate.”
The concern was promptly waved off. “I shall be fine. You need the rest.”
Charles wondered if it would be weird to hug him. They were in a public gym, after all, and it wasn't something they'd ever done before. He didn't think Edwin was much of a physical affection kind of guy either. The surge of affection he felt was too big to contain, so he settled for leaning over and dropping his forehead onto Edwin’s shoulder, holding it there for a moment. Edwin tensed, but he didn’t push him away, and slowly that tension drained back out of him.
“I mean it mate, I don’t know how anyone could be ashamed of you.” Charles said, his voice slightly muffled by the fabric of Edwin’s shirt. “You’re brills.”
“And you are overtired.” Edwin said pointedly.
Charles took the words for the hint they were, drawing himself away from Edwin and forcing himself up off the bench. “See you on Friday then?”
“I will be looking forward to it.” Edwin smiled.
Charles, for reasons entirely unknown to him, was hit with the sudden desire to kiss him. It stopped his brain in its tracks and he bid Edwin a quick goodbye, rushing back to the locker room as quickly as possible without looking suspicious. He suspected he hadn’t been successful in that part, but he didn’t let himself dwell on it. He didn’t let himself dwell on any of it. It was the breakup, he told himself. His emotions were all over the place, and he was missing Crystal, and Edwin had been kind and shown a vulnerability he had never shown in front of Charles. That was all. He didn’t actually want to kiss Edwin, no matter how wonderful he thought he was or how fit he looked. He wasn’t into guys.
It was nothing a joint and a good night's sleep wouldn’t fix, he thought. It would go away.
It didn’t go away. If anything, the conversation that day in the gym opened some new layer to their friendship that Charles hadn’t been anticipating. It was as if some invisible barrier between the two of them had been chipped away, and now they were closer than ever. They talked more during their workouts. Where the conversations before had been friendly, they had always been rather surface level, never venturing any deeper than a certain point they had reached a mutual, unspoken agreement upon. That was long gone. Edwin had started telling him everything. He told him about his family, about his disconnect with his parents and his boarding school days and the time his classmates tried to sacrifice him to a demon as a prank. Simon included, apparently, because when Edwin had said he had been ashamed of him he had meant it in the most violent way possible. Edwin claimed that Simon had loved him, once, but Charles quietly disagreed. That wasn’t what love looked like. He had learned that himself the hard way.
In return Charles told Edwin about his dad, about his mum and how she had always tried to teach Charles about her culture only to be shut down by his father when he noticed it. He told him about being chased into that lake by his so-called friends, about lying in a hospital bed on death's door and being entirely alone while he did it. They bonded over it; their shared traumas of hate crimes uniting them in a way that nothing else could. Edwin started sending Charles photos of the dogs he saw on his morning runs, and in return Charles sent him every song he heard that he thought Edwin might like. Half of them were met with a masked distaste, but it only served to fuel Charles’ desire to send him more. He wanted to send Edwin songs and have him like them, wanted to see the way his eyes lit up when he heard the occasional one over the radio in the gym. He wanted to make Edwin happy. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.
Charles, contrary to popular belief, was not entirely brainless. He knew Edwin was attractive. Had known it from the first moment he saw him, to be honest. He would have had to have been blind not to see it. But there was a point he couldn’t place somewhere along the line that his acknowledgement of Edwin’s attractiveness turned from objective to something else entirely. Something more akin to appreciation. And he wasn’t an idiot. He knew that there was no heterosexual explanation for the way his eyes lingered on Edwin’s thighs when he did squats or the way his attention was pulled directly to where the fabric of his shirt pulled against his chest when he moved a certain way. It was the same way he looked at a beautiful girl. The same way he had looked at Crystal, back when the feelings in his chest towards her were more than just friendly. And sure, he had never looked at a guy like that before, but there was a first time for everything. His apparent bisexuality wasn’t the issue here. The issue was that he had absolutely no idea what to do with those feelings.
It was Crystal, of all people, who helped him figure it out. She had been by his apartment a few months after they broke up to collect a couple of things of hers he had found while cleaning, and she had caught him grinning like an idiot at his phone when Edwin texted him a photo of a lab in a red sweater and captioned it ‘I think I found your doppelganger’. Two hours and almost a full bottle of tequila later and their relationship was almost fully mended to where it was before they started dating and he had what was, in his humble opinion, a very foolproof plan to confess his feelings. That had all gone out the window the next time he had actually seen Edwin. It was like Charles was seeing him for the first time all over again, struck motionless by how beautiful he really was. The carefully crafted plan he and Crystal had come up with seemed inconsequential in the face of how badly Charles wanted to march up to him, grab him by the collar, and kiss him senseless.
“Are you alright, Charles?” Edwin asked, raising an eyebrow at him when he didn’t move to further approach him. “You look as though you saw a ghost.”
“Yeah, hey, sorry mate. Spaced out. Forgot to take my meds this morning.” Charles said, an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck.
It wasn’t an outright lie, either, because Charles had forgotten to take his medication that morning in face of the swarm of feelings he had been experiencing, but that hadn’t been his reason for standing there and staring at his friend like a creep. He didn’t think Edwin believed him either, but he seemed inclined to show mercy, simply shrugging one shoulder slightly in response.
“What shall we be working on today, then?” He asked, already surveying the room for their available options.
Charles felt like he was going to implode from nerves for the entire hour and a half they spent in the gym. There were only so many sets he could fumble through before it became suspicious, but his attention was thoroughly elsewhere. It was as though his brain had taken acknowledging his feelings as blanket permission to look at Edwin in a new, less than wholesome light, and he couldn’t count the number of times his eyes caught on a bead of sweat running down his neck and he was almost overcome with the urge to follow the trail back up with his tongue. Edwin had decided on deadlifts, and wasn’t that its own special kind of torture, his eyes automatically drawn to his ass at every squat. He was almost relieved when it was his turn, if only because keeping his ogling subtle was getting harder and harder. He walked Edwin back to his car when they were done, his mind spinning as he did so. He knew Edwin had noticed. There was no way he hadn’t, not with how observant he was. It was maddening, really, how easily the other could read him. He never wanted to be rid of it.
“Alright, out with it.” Edwin said, pausing once they reached his car and crossing his arms over his chest as he looked pointedly at Charles.
Charles blinked. “Pardon?”
“You have had something you desire to say to me the entire time we have been here.” He said plainly. Charles felt his stomach lurch in his throat. “So, out with it. What is your malady?”
“Uh, um- I don’t-” Charles stuttered over his words, feeling them catch in his throat.
Edwin’s posture softened slightly, the lines of his shoulders dropping a fraction. “Charles. It is only me. You know you can tell me anything.”
And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? He could tell Edwin anything. He knew that. Charles had become so comfortable with him, so enamored, that it was almost ridiculous to him that he was even nervous in the first place. Edwin was right, like he so often was. It was just him, and Charles could tell him anything. He sucked in a deep breath, rolling his shoulders back, and raised his eyes to meet Edwin’s.
“I think I’m, like, proper gone for you.” He said, the words tumbling out without any further resistance, and that wasn’t quite what he wanted to say, but the words were out there now.
Edwin raised an eyebrow again, though this time it was less bitchy and more confused. “Come again?”
“I know, okay? We’re mates and all, and if you don’t feel the same that's fine, because being your mate is still aces, but I really am proper gone on you. Full on lost, really, and I’ve been psyching myself up to tell you all day, and now I’m just rambling because, like, you know you’re incredibly fit, right? Proper gorgeous. And being close to you makes me nervous and god, why can’t I stop fucking talking? I just-”
Charles’ words were cut off at the press of Edwin’s lips against his. He stilled for the briefest of seconds before he melted into it, letting out a soft, contented hum into the other boy’s mouth. The kiss was over as quickly as it started, but Charles stood with his eyes closed for an extra second to take it all in. When he opened them again Edwin was smiling at him, a new, softer smile than Charles had ever seen on him before. He wanted to see that smile every day for the rest of his life, he decided.
“Is that all?” Edwin asked.
“Is that all?” Charles repeated, his head cocking to the side slightly in confusion.
Edwin let out a bright, fond laugh. “You were not exactly subtle about it, Charles. I can only catch you staring at my arse so many times before it becomes obvious that you have ulterior motives from checking the form of my squats.”
Charles felt his face heat up and knew without even seeing himself that he was bright red. “You’ve got a good ass, mate, I don’t know what to say.”
“Of all the things.” Edwin huffed, his sentence trailing off into a breathy laugh.
“So does that mean you’ll let me take you out on a date?” Charles asked, perking up in hopeful excitement.
Edwin smiled again in response. “Yes, Charles. I think it does.”
Charles grinned so widely he felt like his face might split. He leaned forward without thinking, pulling Edwin towards him with a hand on his bicep, and pressed their lips together again. It wasn’t much of a kiss given how they were both smiling too widely to hold it, but Charles didn’t care. He suspected Edwin didn’t either. A drop of water hit the back of his neck, and then another, and when he pulled away from Edwin and opened his eyes he was met with a sudden downpour of rain out of seemingly nowhere. A distant clap of thunder rang out, not loud enough to be obtrusive but enough to be heard. Charles couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s storming.” He said, his grin somehow getting even wider.
“It is.” Edwin nodded, his own smile shining in response. “Try not to drop any heavy objects on your foot this time, will you?”
He smiled at his own joke, and Charles thought he would risk a thousand more injuries to his ego if it meant he got to see that smile.