Chapter Text
The flash of red clung to the raindrops on his windshield, glistening like rubies as they trickled down before being swiped away by the wipers. Robert wanted to be home. Well, not home. But he hadn’t been back there in so long that, sometimes, it didn’t even seem like a real place anymore. Just a faded memory, tucked away at the back of his mind, causing him immeasurable pain every time it sprung out on him.
The traffic light changed and he hammered on the accelerator, his Audi roaring into life as he shot forwards. The roads were relatively quiet, but then it was almost two in the morning. He had only gone to get a bottle of whisky, something to numb the loneliness and possibly force him into sleep. He couldn’t remember the last time his head had hit the pillow and closed his eyes immediately. Weeks now, he thought, or possibly months. It was hard keeping track of time when there was no divide between being awake and being asleep. It all just blurred together, your mind untethered from your body, floating off in a world of its own.
A group of people staggered along the pavement, yelling something towards the night sky, possibly an attempt at singing though Robert couldn’t be sure. He almost felt envious, which just showed how much he needed to get out. It was hard though. Big city, big business. There wasn’t time or opportunity to make friends, and the ones he had made were all arseholes. They sniped and judged, huddling in corners to whisper about other people behind their backs. He had joined in, of course. Wanted to be one of them, but his skin had crawled every single time, and eventually he couldn’t hack it. Now he was the person being whispered about.
Not that he had ever been good with people. If he wanted something from them then fine. He was good at manipulation, that had always been true, but his charm and smiles were always temporary. He had never felt comfortable around anyone, not enough to actually be himself. He was always playing a part, giving someone the version of himself they wanted to see, but it wasn’t him.
He felt his heart give a small twinge and hurriedly put the radio on, jumping as it blasted out from the speakers. He just needed to be back in his own space, then he would feel better. He was always melancholic when he was driving at night.
He turned into a much narrower street, the pavements glowing orange under the hazy, dim street-lights. The buildings looked depressing up here, all grey concrete and dank gutters gushing out water and God knows what else. He didn’t usually come this way, but his own route was being dug up by the Council and this was the quickest way round it. The fact that this seemed like a place you could get murdered probably would have troubled him a lot more if he wasn’t so bloody exhausted. As it was, he didn’t care enough to go back. He’d be fine… probably.
He slowed at the junction, checking for any other cars, before racing off again round the corner, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he fought the temptation to close his eyes. His lids were at half-mast, lashes fluttering shut, desperate for sleep… And then he saw something, movement, a blur of black which cut across the road and slammed into the bonnet of his car. He almost broke his foot pushing down on the brake, hurtling his upper-body forward as the car screeched to a halt. It took him a second to understand what had happened, but then he was clambering out of the car, legs shaking from fear or exhaustion he couldn’t be sure, praying to anyone who was listening that he hadn’t just killed someone.
On the road a metre or so from the car was a body, crumpled in a heap, curled into itself. Even with the car headlights, Robert struggled to make out any discernible features.
“Are you all right?” he called, too frozen to move any further forward. What was he going to do? He could go to prison for this. He would be charged with manslaughter at the very least. He couldn’t go to prison…
The body groaned and Robert let out a small, relieved gasp before realising that just because the person wasn’t dead, didn’t mean they wouldn’t be soon if he didn’t help them. He rushed over, legs still the consistency of jelly, and knelt down beside them. Now that he was closer, Robert realised it was a man - young, thin, dark hair, shaking visibly.
“Hey, you ok?” He placed a hand on the man’s shoulder but was immediately pushed backwards, his shoulder slamming off the tarmac, bits of stone scraping against his bare skin where his t-shirt had been dragged back.
He hissed in pain, pushing himself back up into a sitting position, his eyes meeting the stranger’s gaze. He looked terrible. Unbelievably pale, hair wet from the rain and dishevelled, unkempt beard. And his eyes. That’s what Robert couldn’t help but look at. His eyes were dead.
“Look, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I didn’t see you, mate, I promise. You came out of nowhere.”
The man hauled himself upright, kneeling on the ground, dark jeans scuffed from where he had fallen. Robert watched him intently, checking him over for blood or broken bones. Remarkably, he didn’t seem that hurt.
“I’m fine.”
His voice was barely above a whisper, but the quiet road meant Robert could just make out the words. He felt the weight of guilt ease slightly and he nodded, glad he hadn’t just near-killed someone.
“Good. Look, I can drive you to A&E if you want, get someone to check you over? Least I can do, really.”
The man looked up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He looked suddenly in pain, and Robert wondered whether the guy was covering, maybe he had been hurt after all.
“No. Don’t bother, I’m fine.”
He didn’t sound fine, but Robert couldn’t do much about that if he didn’t want any help. And it wasn’t like he was all that safe to drive, in all honesty. He’d almost fallen asleep at the wheel. Maybe it would be better if they just went their separate ways.
“All right, well, if you’re sure.”
He got up, rubbing at his throbbing shoulder and offered the man his hand. There was a moment, barely a second really, when Robert was sure the guy was going to bolt, run in the opposite direction. It wasn’t anything he could put his finger on, nothing he’d be able to explain, but just something in the way the guy flinched when he moved closer, the way every muscle in his body seemed to tense… It was so quick that he didn’t even know if he’d seen anything at all, and then his hand was in Robert’s, cool and dry to the touch, and Robert pulled him to his feet.
“Definitely don’t want a lift anywhere?” he offered again, just to be on the safe side. He needed to satisfy his conscience that he’d done all he could, and just in case the guy did drop dead at some later point and the police were asking questions. He shook the idea from his mind. It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell too long on.
The man shook his head, hands shoved into his trouser pockets, droplets of rain clinging to his bare neck as he looked down at the ground.
“Ok, well, get home safe then.”
Robert felt suddenly awkward, like he didn’t know what to say but that what he had said wasn’t good enough. What did it matter? The guy said he was fine, he should have been able to just walk away, but it was like there was something else still there, something unsaid.
He stood waiting for another second, deliberating with himself, fighting his own mind, before forcing his feet to move back towards his car. He got in, shivering from the cold seat, and started the engine. When he looked up, the guy had started walking down the street. No, he was limping down the street, left leg supported by the right.
Robert groaned and wound the window down, letting the car coast forwards. “Look, I should really drive you home. I don’t mind, honestly.”
The guy ignored him, face turned away, and Robert noticed he’d picked up his pace.
“If you’re leg’s hurt, then-”
“Look, I get it, you feel bad about hitting me with your car, but I don’t need anything from you! Just leave me alone, all right?” the man snapped, now turning to face Robert, his jaw clenched tightly.
“Sorry. I just thought… I don’t know, if you’re hurt…” He didn’t know what he was saying. He was so tired, and there was obviously no point in him trying to help. The man didn’t need it, that was for sure.
“I’ll just get off, then,” he finally said, almost kicking himself for sounding so… he didn’t even know what he sounded like. Pathetic, probably. He rolled the window up again and pushed the car into a higher gear, pressing his foot down hard on the accelerator. He didn’t look in his mirror until he got to the end of the street, and when he did, there was no one there, almost like he’d been a ghost.
Robert only hoped he wouldn’t be the type to come back and haunt him…