Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The air was drowsy with warmth.

Sunlight skimmed over pale skin, soaking deep into Aaron’s bones as he nuzzled closer into Robert’s neck. If it wasn’t for the snow breaking the backs of the branches outside, he might have been forgiven for thinking it was spring. They arched together in unison with the trees, naked limbs spreading out across the soft, crumpled sheets, Robert’s permanently cold feet pressing into Aaron’s shins as he groaned.

“God, I haven’t slept that good in…” He trailed off, cracking an eye open as they both realised how the sentence was supposed to finish. Aaron gave him a sleepy smile, face half-hidden behind the duvet, and Robert’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he returned one of his own.

You’re here, the look said. I can’t believe you’re really here.

It was the same sense of wonderment that Aaron felt, half-disbelieving and half-exultant that Robert was lying beside him, as if the past month or so had never happened. It was like someone had spun the clocks back, erased the torment and betrayal and loneliness and left only a warm serenity in its stead.

It was relief. It was happiness. It was peace.

Robert’s hand found Aaron’s under the duvet, curving around it almost protectively as he drew them both towards his chest. It was small, insignificant really, but it sent a flutter through Aaron’s whole body. Wanted, that’s how he felt. Truly, completely, unequivocally wanted. Of course he’d felt it before with Robert, but back then it had never seemed properly tangible, never something he could actually grasp at. Certainly not something he felt he could rely on.

Now, though, the reality was a wonderful, satisfying weight which tethered him to the present, anchoring him in a way that he never knew existed. All his life he had been batted from one port to the next on ever-changing and dangerous seas, not knowing where he would end up, never imagining he’d see land again. But safe in Robert’s arms, sheltered by the home they shared, it was as if every cell in his body was telling him he could rest. No more running, no more fear. Just solid ground beneath his feet and a familiar hand to hold.

He dropped his gaze to where their fingers were now tangled together, the faint but steady pulse of Robert’s heart beating against Aaron’s knuckles where they were rested on Robert’s chest. It was nothing but a faint, hollow rhythm but Aaron chased it all the same, flattening his palm across the skin so he could feel the reverberations thudding through his fingertips.

Robert gave him a questioning look, watching Aaron with a hint of bemusement.

“Just checking,” Aaron explained softly, brushing his thumb across the smattering of auburn freckles beneath Robert’s collarbone.

“Don’t worry, it’s still there,” he joked in return, and Aaron rolled his eyes even as he fought a smile. He’d missed the teasing almost as much as he’d missed the softness. There was something wonderfully infectious about the glint to Robert’s eye - it made Aaron’s skin flush warm, left him a little flustered though he tried his damnedest to hide it.

God, the things you do to me, he thought just as his eyes flicked up to meet Robert’s unwavering gaze.

“Still yours,” Robert added, quieter this time, no humour. It unbalanced Aaron for a moment, the seriousness of his tone and the directness of his expression, but he quickly masked his surprise by scrunching up his nose.

“Soft,” he replied, injecting just enough teasing back into the conversation to avoid them diving into sombre territory. Last night had been a heavy, albeit necessary, discussion that Aaron sorely hoped would not be repeated for a while. He wanted easy now, no difficulties or obstacles, just smooth sailing and bright, blue skies.

They’d earned it. They deserved it.

“I’m allowed,” Robert was saying, already drawing Aaron towards him despite his grumbles. “Making up for lost time,” he finished, now with their chests flush and Aaron’s arms bracketing Robert’s head. It shouldn’t have been comfortable, especially with their skin so clammy, stuck together through warmth and sweat, and yet there was something reassuring about the solid breadth of Robert’s body beneath Aaron’s, the heavy rise and fall as they breathed together. There was a closeness to it, a familiarity that transcended all that had gone before.

When they kissed it was lazy and sweet, both still clinging to the last remnants of sleep. Every movement was slow, every brush of lips gentle, Aaron sinking further into Robert’s hold the longer it went on. Eventually they stopped completely, content with just looking and breathing in unison. They were lost together, no words exchanged and yet both thinking the same thing, feeling the same sense of blissful incredulity.

It was the moment after you finished the race, a burst of surprise spreading warm as sunshine inside your chest, and the relief as your legs started to give out.

We’ve made it.

Part of him wanted to question, to doubt. He could hardly believe that such a reality could exist, especially for him, but mostly he just wanted to enjoy it. He’d never had this before, or when he had it had been taken from him in the next blink. This time he could savour every bright and brilliant second, safe in the knowledge that the rug wasn’t about to be pulled from under him.

“I dreamt about doing this,” Robert confessed, bringing his hand up to stroke against Aaron’s cheekbone. It was softer than they had ever been before, their voices hushed as if someone might overhear. This, all of this, was just for them. The quiet privacy of their own, warm haven giving them the self-assurance to voice things they would never have dared speak openly about before. Last night had been proof of that, but in the light of the day their focus had moved from past to present, their feelings lifted now that they could shake off a little of what had happened to them.

“Me, too,” Aaron murmured, dipping low to press his lips to Robert’s, partly to shut him up before the two of them ended up breaking, and partly because he just couldn’t resist.

And now, he supposed, he didn’t have to. No more fighting his own wants, no more hiding or repressing, no more fear. He got to be who he wanted to be with the person he wanted to be with. The air itself seemed laced with sugar, almost too sweet on his tongue. He felt dizzy with it, but gloriously so.

It took them another half an hour before their stomachs started growling too much to ignore. Aaron would have happily stayed beneath the covers all day, but they’d barely eaten yesterday and with it almost being afternoon, they were finally paying the price. The flat was only just heating up as they padded carefully down the hallway to the kitchen, Robert’s hands forever searching for Aaron in the shadows, fingertips skimming over bare skin, lips seeking out lips.

“Have you even got any food in?” Aaron asked as Robert mouthed at the side of his neck, evidently in no rush for them to find any form of sustenance. Though, to be fair, Aaron could barely remember why they had bothered coming into the kitchen once Robert’s teeth started nipping at his collarbone. He shivered, resisted as long as he could, but eventually succumbed to Robert’s wayward hands dipping lower and lower.

“I’ve definitely got something that’s good enough to eat,” Robert growled, voice deep in his chest, and the line was enough to have Aaron rolling his eyes, never mind the suggestive look that went with it.

“Who the Hell would fall for that?” he asked, and the disbelieving edge to his voice might have made Robert hesitate were it not for the fact that Aaron’s breath had hitched at the last second as Robert found the weak spot at the base of his neck.

“Seems like you would,” Robert fired back teasingly, pressing Aaron into the wall and not waiting for a response as he pushed his way between Aaron’s legs. Neither of them were thinking about food anymore, a different kind of hunger overtaking them entirely, and Aaron surrendered entirely, not even wanting to resist any longer. There was something undeniably satisfying about giving in to his own desires, deliciously rewarding after so long denying himself anything out of fear of the consequences, or more often than not believing himself unworthy.

Robert made him feel precious, like his skin was gilded, his hair strands of purest silk. Every touch left him breathless and shaken, knowing deep in his bones that Robert was doing his damnedest to show Aaron how much he wanted him, needed him. Potentially even… loved him.

He’d said it already. I love you. He’d said it like it needed to be said, like he couldn’t not. Like he might just collapse if he didn’t manage to get those words out. And he’d said it as well in the backroom, when the walls had pressed in against them like their own intimate confessional. But Aaron still couldn’t quite grasp at it, like water running between his fingers. He wanted to believe, he so desperately wanted to cling onto those words and cradle them close to his heart, but part of him still wondered, doubted, feared.

What if? It gnawed at his flesh, shook him for a different reason, and no matter how hard he pushed it down, that nagging sense of unease wouldn’t quite disappear. Maybe it never would. Maybe he would always have one foot out the door, just like Robert had said, ready to run as soon as someone he cared about threatened to reject him.

“Hey.” Robert’s hands were warm at his cheeks and he blinked, slowly letting his thoughts melt back into the peripheries of his mind.

“Sorry,” he couldn’t help but mutter, curling a hand round Robert’s wrist and squeezing, to reassure them both. Robert moved in closer, bent his neck till their foreheads touched.

“Lost you for a second,” he whispered, a ghost of smile ticking up the corner’s of his mouth. He was so beautifully happy, Aaron couldn’t help but think. He’d never seen a smile so achingly perfect.

“Where did you go?” Robert was looking at him now, expectant and still half-teasing, but Aaron’s fidgeting, nervous limbs gave him away too easily and suddenly Robert’s smile slipped. The guilt was enough to crush Aaron just for that alone.

“Aaron?”

“It’s nothing,” he answered, too quick, too sharp for it to be believed. Robert looked close to panicked now, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

“What’s nothing? What’s wrong?”

Aaron ducked his head but Robert wouldn’t let him, taking his chin between his thumb and forefinger and tugging his gaze back up. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”

For a moment, Aaron saw the Robert he knew had once existed, had heard about but never seen in the flesh. The young boy who hadn’t yet learned how to mask his own vulnerability, whose hardened, stubborn shell hadn’t yet formed. The soft, pliant, frightened Robert who had gone limp in his father’s furious hold, and who had carried the weight of so much for so long, and entirely on his own.

It was enough to break Aaron’s heart, but he pulled himself together if only to spare Robert another second’s agony.

“It just doesn’t feel real, that’s all,” he said, and while it wasn’t exactly what he had been thinking, it was still, all the same, true. He was almost tempted to ask Robert to pinch him, just to see if he would suddenly wake in Keeper’s Cottage, alone and in the dark.

Robert sagged against him, the breath leaving him all at once. “I know,” was all he said, and Aaron believed him. They always knew - what the other was thinking, feeling, as if on some cosmic, or maybe chemical level, they were intrinsically linked. A gossamer thread tethering them to each other, invisible to the eye, and yet they could still feel it. For two people who had been so misunderstood their whole lives, it was the deepest, purest bond either had ever experienced. Hardly surprising, really, that they had fought so hard and for so long to get back to each other. How could any other relationship compare once they had found their soulmate?

Aaron sought out Robert’s mouth to banish the ghosts of his own fears into the shadows again, to keep himself anchored in the present rather than the past. This time it’ll be different, he thought as he curved his palm over the crown of Robert’s head and pulled him down into a kiss. This time we’ll know what we’re doing. We can make it work.

The voice inside his head sounded determined, so much so that it sent a jolt of courage through him, enough to drag the last remnants of his subconscious out of the haze of doubt and back into the light. Strange, what a simple touch could do. Or maybe it was Aaron himself, alongside the power of hope and strength of will, forcing his mind back into calm seas. Either way, with Robert so warm and so close, breathing heavily against him as they nipped and sucked and panted, there was no longer any room for fear or doubt. It had been relegated to furthest corners and now all Aaron could feel was a sense of excitement, the promise of a steady and happy future buoying him like nothing else.

“Bed or shower?” Robert was murmuring into his neck, a thumb already hooked into the waistband of Aaron’s boxers as he steadily tugged them down. Aaron huffed a laugh before almost stumbling on the cotton fabric tangled round his ankles. Robert looped both arms around his waist to stop him hitting the deck, and then the pair of them were practically on their knees, giggling like boys and for no other reason than because they were wildly, incandescently happy.

The bathroom was closer and so they shuffled gracelessly back down the hallway, Robert trying to lift one of Aaron’s legs over his hip while simultaneously pulling down his own boxers. It resulted in them both crashing loudly into the glass shower, the panes rattling ominously while the fragile door swung back on its hinges, banging into the tiled wall. They both grimaced, momentarily frozen in case the entire thing cracked and imploded on them, but luckily it managed to hold itself together. Aaron leant in to turn the knob to hot before setting his hands back to work on their original purpose - touching every inch of Robert’s body.

The kisses were sloppy, hurried, both of them hungrily devouring each other as they stepped in under the steaming water. It was reminiscent of their first time in the shower, back when they were in the old flat and the only thing they had to worry about was Vic poking her nose in. It was another world now, they were completely different people.

And yet, here they still were, ravenous for each other. Some thing’s really didn’t change.

Aaron’s mouth felt swollen, the tips of his fingers bright red from the heat of the water as he clutched desperately at Robert’s arms, his shoulders, before finally tangling in his slick, fair hair. Robert went to his knees with a grin, bright green eyes dipping closed as the spray of the shower hit his face, and he ducked low to take Aaron into his mouth, one slow slide that yanked the breath from Aaron’s lungs. He could only watch, transfixed, as Robert sucked and swallowed him whole effortlessly, his brain flatlining the moment he felt Robert’s tongue flatten out on the underside of his shaft.

He tipped his head back against the freezing tiles, his hair curling at the tips as the steam rose up towards the ceiling. He felt his whole body start to tense and he wound his fingers tighter into Robert’s hair, mouth open and barely even repressing his moans now as Robert picked up the pace, head bobbing rhythmically. There was something so overwhelming to his senses, with the humidity of the shower and the fierce hammering of the water at his back and Robert’s mouth slowly but surely taking him apart. He wanted to slow things down, to savour every second for as long as he could, but the greed, the hunger was too strong. He wanted too much, needed Robert now and here and-

“Fuck.” He came with a snap of his hips, practically ripping strands of hair from Robert’s scalp as his bones melted under the heat. Robert held him steady, one hand at his waist and the other behind his knee as if he thought Aaron might collapse. It wasn’t that crazy an assumption really, Aaron could barely feel his legs anymore.

In the tight confines of the shower, their breathing sounded amplified, reverberating against the steamed up glass. It might have been deafening without the heavy drumbeat of the water to dull it slightly. When Robert stood, he brushed his lips against Aaron’s deliberately slowly and smiled wickedly when Aaron hissed at him.

“You’re enjoying this,” he growled, though in truth he was enjoying it too. He doubted he’d every enjoyed anything more.

“Not a crime, is it?” Robert asked with a quirk of his brow, and Aaron couldn’t even begin to hide the smile creeping across his face this time. Barely twenty-four hours ago he had been wracked with grief and loneliness and betrayal, tortured by his own conflicted and fickle heart. But now he was standing in a shower with his very naked… Boyfriend? Lover? Whatever Robert was, he was all skin and not much else, and Aaron had no intention of hiding his delight. He’d never been one to take things for granted, and he certainly wasn’t about to start now.

Robert was obviously of the same mind judging by the way he pressed in close to Aaron, dipping them beneath the steaming water again until Aaron’s back touched cool tile. He gasped at the shock of it ringing up his spine but the noise was instantly swallowed up by Robert’s mouth closing over his own, tongue slick and warm and persistent. Aaron could barely feel his limbs enough to move but he managed to slide a hand between them until he could trail his fingers up the length of Robert’s shaft. He watched in awe as Robert gave a full-body shudder, lashes fluttering closed as he savoured the sweet touch of Aaron’s hand as he curled his palm at the base of Robert’s cock and squeezed just a fraction. Aaron almost thought he was going to collapse there and then, but Robert locked his jaw and planted a hand on the glass to keep himself upright, eyes open now and transfixed on Aaron’s fingers working up and down, changing the pressure each time, keeping the pace as slow as he could before building, building, building…

“Aaron,” Robert whispered, tipping forwards till his nose was pressed in at Aaron’s collarbone. He was so close, Aaron could practically smell it on him, and he sped up, mouthing at Robert’s jaw before reaching just enough to nip at his earlobe.

It turned out that was enough. Robert grunted against Aaron’s shoulder and suddenly Aaron’s hand was warm and sticky. He let the water wash them both clean, most of their skin still pressed together, and tugged Robert in for a kiss that was slow and lazy and perfect. Robert wound his arms around Aaron’s neck, kept breaking the kiss because he was smiling too much, and eventually Aaron shoved him back out of frustration, even if he was grinning just as much.

“What do you want to do today?” Robert asked as they stepped out into the fogged-up bathroom, the pair of them shivering as they grabbed towels to wrap around their waists.

“Nothing,” Aaron answered firmly. After the past few months, he wanted to have at least one day where they could relax, safe in the knowledge that there was no outside disaster about to slam into their lives with all the force of a hurricane.

Robert nodded, running a hand through his damp hair. “We’ll need to go out at some point though,” he replied, and on seeing Aaron’s confused and stubborn expression, clarified: “To get food. We’ve got nothing in.”

Already Aaron’s perfect plan of lounging about all day and pigging out on rubbish was being destroyed. He sighed, following Robert back down towards the bedroom, trying not to look like a surly child and probably failing miserably. It shouldn’t be this difficult to spend one measly day in their home together, without any of the distractions or annoyances of the outside world.

“Could we get Vic to drop off some stuff?” he suggested, and was met with Robert’s scrunched up face.

“Oh yeah, I can see that happening,” he answered, towelling his hair as he grabbed his jumper off the floor. “She’d either tell me where to go or she’d be round in five seconds with a mountain of shopping, demanding to know every detail of our relationship.”

Aaron had to admit, neither option sounded brilliant.

“We can’t go to the shop. You know what David’s like,” he said, hauling up his jeans.

“Well, if we can't get someone to drop food off and we don’t want to go out and buy any, then the only options we have are driving to get a takeaway… or…” Robert trailed off, giving Aaron an unfathomable look from under his fair lashes. It took him far longer than it should have to realise what he was getting at.

“No,” he said immediately. “No! Why would you even want to?”

Robert shrugged, seeming far more nonchalant about the whole thing than he had any right to be, especially when Aaron was freaking out.

“We’ll have to do it eventually, might as well rip the plaster off now and be done with it.” The sheer sensibility he was resonating was enough to have the hairs on Aaron’s arms rise up, so unnerved was he by Robert’s strange change of attitude.

“So you’re fine with rocking up to my family’s pub and getting quizzed by the whole Dingle pack, are you?” he questioned, grappling with his t-shirt until he managed to shove his head and arms through the holes, now even more breathless and disgruntled than before. He just saw the last remaining seconds of Robert rolling his eyes and had to rein in the urge to smack him around the back of the head.

“Okay, well first off - half of that pub belongs to my family. Or Diane at any rate,” Robert amended, grabbing the sodden towels that had been dumped on the floor and manoeuvring passed Aaron to chuck them in the laundry basket. “And secondly, they’re going to quiz us at some point, and chances are the longer we leave it the more questions they’ll think up to ask us.”

Everything he said made sense. And that was precisely why Aaron was so loathe to believe it. There had to be some underhand scheme going on, something Robert had cooked up on his own time and had yet to share with Aaron. But there was no way he was going to walk into the Woolpack without knowing exactly what kind of war was about to erupt.

“I just don’t get why you want to go so badly,” he pushed, arms folded across his chest to make it clear he wasn’t for budging on the topic, not until Robert started being honest.

“Aaron, it’s not like I’m desperate to have Chas glaring at me while we eat our lunch,” he said with a weary sigh, finally turning to face him with almost pleading eyes. “But I’m also not all that keen on being a prisoner in this flat, not when we’ve just spent the last few months hiding from everyone. I’ve just come out to the whole village… and I might not be flying a rainbow flag from the window any time soon, but that doesn’t mean I want to get right back in the closet either.”

It was like a hard punch to his chest. The air was knocked from his lungs and he could only stand, mute and gaping, while his mind worked over what Robert had just said. In truth, while Aaron’s own coming out had been a strange and disjointed event, telling his family - the people he’d feared would reject him - had actually been fairly painless all things considered. But Robert? He’d been beaten by his own father because of who he was and how he felt, he’d never had the acceptance from the people he was closest to, and even though things were definitely getting better for him, he’d still had to wait fifteen years for it. So it probably shouldn’t have come as such a surprise that he was now so determined to live his life in the open, to not shrink from his own identity as he had been forced to do throughout his adolescence and into his adult life.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said quietly, still barely managing to claw in air to his deprived lungs. “I should’ve thought.”

Robert immediately stepped forward, eyes soft as he rested a hand on Aaron’s waist. “We’re together,” he said calmly. “And I’ve literally never been happier about anything in my entire life. So excuse me if I want to show you off a little.” There was a gleam to his eyes that betrayed his amusement and Aaron wrinkled his nose.

“You’re making me sound like a trophy wife,” he replied, mildly horrified at the prospect.

“Course not,” Robert said immediately, then grinned. “You’re my toy boy.”

The tension evaporated in an instant and Aaron let out a startled laugh before trying to school his features into something more threatening. “Say that again and you’re getting dumped,” he warned, and Robert feigned mock fear, batting his lashes as he replied: “Say what? I didn’t say a word.”

“Right answer,” Aaron grumbled, just about managing to remain serious up until the moment Robert ducked down to give him a chaste kiss. His resolve weakened, the corners of his mouth ticking up even as he fought to keep his frown. It was far too easy smiling now, like sunlight was shining out of every pore, just as natural and effortless as breathing. Happiness had never been something Aaron expected, and although he thought he’d experienced the emotion before, looking back he realised that what he’d really been feeling was just a temporary reprieve from fear. The most positive emotion he’d had with Ronnie was relief, and even then he only felt that when Robert was driving him safely away from his old life.

The memory made him waver for a second, drawing him up short as his vision blurred with the reminder of standing on that street, Finn a huddled mass of bones beside him, and Robert leaning out his car window telling him to get in. He could never have known that that one decision would change his entire life, would bring him some of the acutest pain he’d ever experienced, and the most joy. Because of Robert, because of the chance he’d taken welcoming Aaron into his home, they had managed to forge a life together that they would never have been able to dream of. Aaron might be dead by now of it wasn’t for him, Robert might still be driving around at 2am searching for an off licence. But instead they were here, in the flat they shared, surrounded by family and friends, together.

He hooked his fingers into the front of Robert’s jumped and tugged him down, kissing him firmly as impulse took hold. Robert made a startled sound in the back of his throat before relaxing into Aaron’s touch, arms snaking around his waist as he dipped him backwards slightly.

“You just can’t resist me, can you?” he joked, cheeks flushed and hair ruffled. Aaron said nothing, neither confirming or denying the accusation, but flashed a smirk in Robert’s direction before heading through to the hallway to find his shoes.

Robert passed him and went through to the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to say: “It’s snowing.”

Aaron twisted round, tugging at the tongue of his trainer as he hopped on one foot. “Bad enough to stay in?” he asked, only half-joking. He could already feel the dread rumbling inside him like thunder.

Robert gave him a chastising glance. “If anyone should be worried about this, it’s me.”

“Yeah, well, just say the word and we can go back to bed,” he muttered, straightening up just as Robert closed in on him.

“You know we have to do this. If not today, then tomorrow, or the next day. At least this way, they’ll be so in shock we’ve turned up, chances are they won’t have time to think up anything to ask us.”

“Maybe not for the first five minutes. It’ll be a free-for-all after that,” Aaron said, but the fight had gone from his voice. He knew Robert was right, even if he still hated the idea. The longer they put off seeing anyone, the harder it would be to even step foot out the door. And like Robert had said, they’d spent too long being prisoner’s - they shouldn’t have to hide anymore.

“Right, come on then. Let’s get it over with,” he sighed, accepting the offer of Robert’s jacket with a grateful smile while Robert shrugged on his wool coat. He was dressing formal, Aaron noted, as if this was a proper visit to meet the in-laws and not just lunch at the local. But then, Aaron supposed, Robert was about to meet the Dingles for the first time… as Aaron’s partner.

It was strange, even thinking the word. His mind shrunk back from it, from the permanence of it. Partner made them sound serious, long-term, like they’d been together for years. And even though that’s what he wanted, what he’d always wanted from the moment he met Robert really, it felt odd now to think that he’d got his wish. They were a couple, out in the open, about to have lunch in full view of the village and their families.

He shook the slightly dazed feeling from his mind and headed out, tucking his hands up into the sleeves of Robert’s coat. He made a mental note to actually buy his own one, even if a very large part of him liked borrowing Robert’s. It was almost a tradition now, an inside joke just for them.

The air sunk its teeth into their skin as soon as they stepped out of the building, biting sharp and cold at their cheeks as they huddled closer, walking fast up the lane towards the Woolpack. Aaron shivered, blowing hot air into his hands, before Robert took one in his own and clasped it tightly.

Aaron said nothing, was too afraid to break whatever monumental moment this was, and instead kept his gaze firmly on the road as they crunched across the gravel and out onto the main street. It felt strange to be so open, so blatant, about their relationship, as if somehow they were flaunting what they had. But then Aaron remembered what the alternative had been, skulking behind closed doors, soaking in shame and fear, and let his lungs fill up with pride knowing that they had come out the other side - no pun intended.

Every building seemed to have hunkered down against the chill, the church’s doors firmly shut as they passed by and all the stained glass windows gloomy from lack of any light. Robert’s eyes wandered over and seemed to catch on something in the distance, his hand flexing a little in Aaron’s as if he was suddenly unsure of himself. Or possibly of them.

“Rob?”

Aaron wasn’t sure if it was the uncertainty in his voice, or the fact he’d used the shortened version of Robert’s name, but he snapped round instantly, eyes a little wild.

“Yeah?” he asked, lips pressed so tightly together they’d gone white.

Aaron kept hold of his hand, partly to reassure him and partly to make sure he didn’t run for the hills.

“Lost you for a second,” Aaron said softly, and Robert’s shoulders, rigid as they had been, now slackened as if a weight was being lifted.

“I just…” He paused, glanced behind him again, before turning back to Aaron. “Do you think we could do something… before going to the pub?”

Aaron hadn’t been anticipating it but he nodded all the same. “Yeah, course,” he answered, eyes drifting back over towards the church. “What do you want to do?”

Robert chewed on his bottom lip but said nothing, instead tugging on Aaron’s hand and leading him towards the iron gate next to the church. They walked together across the frosted grass, leaving footprints behind them as if to guide them back. The graveyard was eerily quiet, shrouded in snow, and Robert walked purposefully passed every tombstone, barely seeing anything, until he reached the edge.

Frost had almost completely obscured the name and Robert let go of Aaron’s hand to wipe it away, revealing the inscription chiselled into the stone.

In Loving Memory of

SARAH SUGDEN

Wife of Jack

and devoted mother of

Robert, Andy and Victoria

Aaron read it twice over before glancing at Robert who was just staring at the words, arms gone limp by his sides. He wasn’t blinking, didn’t even seem to be breathing at first, and eventually Aaron shuffled closer to him.

The movement seemed to snap him out of his trance and he sniffed hard. “Should’ve brought flowers,” he mumbled, still not taking his eyes off the grave.

“We could go back—”

“No,” Robert said with a shake of his head, then sighed heavily. “There’d be no point anyway, the frost’d kill them dead.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know what he could say. He’d never lost a parent, not like Robert had, he had no idea what it felt like. So instead he stood beside him in silent support, there if needed, but willing to hold back if not.

In the end, Robert broke the silence on his own, murmuring: “I know it’s weird.” He flicked his gaze across to meet Aaron’s questioning stare before ducking, almost embarrassed. Aaron nudged his shoulder against Robert’s, half out of comfort, and half out of loving frustration.

“Course it’s not,” he said, watching as Robert hunched his shoulders up to his ears.

“It’s creepy.”

Aaron smacked his arm at that. “Shut up. She’s your mum. I get you wanting to visit,” he said, voice softer as he pressed the length of his side against Robert’s. He couldn’t even count the number of times Robert had been a literal pillar of strength for him, there to pick up the pieces when something went wrong, or protect him from further danger. It was Aaron’s turn now, and it felt good knowing he was stable enough to actually be able to offer support.

“I know, but—” Robert was saying, glancing around the deserted area, “—it’s not the best place to take your boyfriend. A graveyard.”

Boyfriend.

Aaron stayed very still, as if there was a sniper trained on him and one wrong move would mean the end of his life. He waited, watched, but Robert’s attention was back on the grave. He didn’t even seem to realise what he’d said, never mind how significant a moment it was.

Aaron cleared his throat, forced himself to act natural even as his heart hammered against his ribcage, his mouth gone bone dry.

“Yeah, well, we’re not exactly normal, are we?”

Robert smiled sadly. “I know it sounds crazy but… I wanted her to meet you. Especially now we’re together, properly this time. I wanted her to see I’d done something good.”

Especially now we’re together… properly this time.

Aaron could barely breathe, his mind unable to comprehend all these sudden declarations. It was mad enough that Robert was willing to face Aaron’s family, not to mention that he wanted to introduce Aaron to his mother, but now… Aaron could barely believe it was actually Robert standing in front of him any longer. He was a changed man, open to the future rather than shutting himself off.

Robert’s arms were still hanging by his sides and Aaron stretched out a finger to hook round Robert’s pinky, drawing them together until they were holding hands again. It was more than just physical, always was with them - it was about offering a connection, a lifeline really, or a trail of breadcrumbs for the other to find their way back when they got lost inside their own heads. Just one simple gesture, but it was more than enough.

“Right,” Robert said, shaking free of his own thoughts. “Mum, I’ve brought someone to see you. This is Aaron. We’re… together. I hope that’s okay.”

The air froze with anticipation, almost as if they were waiting for Sarah’s ghost to appear before them, either to offer a hug or to scream bloody murder. Of course, neither happened, instead the grave remaining just as deathly quiet as before.

After what felt like an age, Aaron forced himself to take a half-step forward and said, albeit a bit awkward: “Hello Mrs Sugden.”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but Robert snorting a laugh certainly hadn’t been on the list.

“Well she wouldn’t stand for that,” he said, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. Aaron just stared back, completely bewildered and slightly terrified he’d done the wrong thing.

“Trust me, she’d want you to call her Sarah,” Robert finished, immediately dispelling Aaron’s fears and replacing them with heavy relief. Despite how nonsensical it probably sounded, it felt as though he was truly being welcomed into the Sugden fold, an honorary member  of Robert’s family. And even though he had his own now - a miracle in its own right - there was something achingly sweet about being introduced to the person in Robert’s life that he cherished so dearly.

“Hello… Sarah,” he said, swallowing his nerves as they rose fierce and quivering in his throat. “Sorry, I’m no good at all this.”

Robert nudged his elbow, eyes soft around the edges. “You’re doing fine,” he murmured, looking almost proud before letting his gaze slip back towards the tombstone. “It’s not like I ever really know what to say to her either.”

Aaron watched him, heart breaking, as Robert let go of Aaron’s hand and curled into himself again, shoulders rounded and head ducked low to conceal his face. It was painful, knowing how difficult this still was for Robert, knowing that he would never get the closure he so desperately needed. Aaron only wished he could do something, help in some way. But he supposed the only real comfort he could give now was just to be here, and to listen when Robert needed it.

“I always hoped she’d be all right with it. Me,” he clarified, stumbling a little over his words in a bid to get them out quicker. He still wasn’t quite meeting Aaron’s eye as he spoke, but he had moved a fraction closer, as if subconsciously seeking out some reassurance that Aaron was nearby. “I mean I don’t know for sure,” he continued slowly, “she could have hated me just as much as he did, but… I think she’d have still loved me.”

It cut him to the quick, Robert’s hopeful voice sounding so agonisingly young. He thought back to Jack Sugden, to all that anger and hatred he levelled at his own child, and silently cursed the man for betraying his son so badly.

“From what you’ve told me, I’m pretty sure she’d have loved you no matter what.” It wasn’t nearly enough, Aaron knew that, but he also knew that, considering he couldn’t bring Sarah back, this was about the closest Aaron would ever get to giving him the answers he needed to hear.

Robert’s mouth curved up into a broken, if grateful smile. “I might’ve told her… eventually. About Luke and all the rest of it,” he admitted sadly. “My life probably would’ve been a lot different if she’d been alive.”

He sounded wistful, his mind already half-lost in a dream where his mother was standing by his side rather than six feet beneath the earth. Aaron so desperately wanted to give him just that, and it tore him apart knowing he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry you lost her,” he said instead, and let out a breath when Robert took Aaron’s hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Me too,” he said, before meeting his gaze. “But then, if I’d still had her in my life then chances are I’d never have run off to Leeds, and I’d never have met you.”

“Maybe we’d have met some other way,” Aaron countered, without really thinking too much about the meaning behind it. Robert, on the other hand, seemed to have picked up on some undercurrent, his eyes lighting up as he asked: “Like fate?”

Aaron could only shrug, not wanting to admit that, in a roundabout way, that was exactly what he had meant. But his shy smile, always his undoing around Robert, betrayed him yet again this time.

“You’re getting sentimental, Dingle,” Robert teased with a grin. Aaron could only flush, cheeks burning hot as he tried to bluster an excuse.

“I just meant—”

“I know what you meant,” Robert cut him off, voice softer now, more generous. He shuffled closer, the toes of his boots kicking up frost that clung to the suede before melting, and slid a hand under Aaron’s borrowed jacket to rest at his waist. “You know what I think?” he asked quietly, eyes expectant but evidently not about to speak again until Aaron answered.

“What?”

“I think she knew I needed someone, and so she sent me you,” Robert said, voice catching on the final word as if the emotion had got to him unexpectedly. Aaron knew the feeling.

“She couldn’t come herself,” Robert continued, “so she made sure I found someone who’d look after me like she would have.”

Aaron had to look up at the pale grey sky just to keep from breaking down. He blew out a smoky breath then hauled in too much freezing air to try and numb whatever feeling was crashing through him. It hurt like Hell, whatever it was, burning through his chest as he sniffed back tears.

“Well if she did, then I owe her just as much as you do,” he managed to force out, and that, apparently, was too much for both of them. Robert cupped Aaron’s face with frost-nipped hands and kissed him. He kissed him like it was the first time, the last time, and every time in between, all at once. Aaron didn’t breath, didn’t move, just stayed frozen, eyes open to try and commit it all to memory. This, he knew, was something he’d remember in years to come, a defining moment for them both. He could practically feel the earth shifting beneath his feet, the whole world altering after such a cosmic event.

Their cheeks were damp as they pulled back and Robert laughed breathlessly, smearing the sleeve of his coat across his face which only made the skin more raw and red around the eyes.

“Christ, what are we like?” he said, laughing again as he took in Aaron’s equally dishevelled and slightly shell-shocked appearance.

“Idiots,” was the only answer Aaron felt able to give, and they laughed again through the tears. It was relief more than anything, and a bit of gratitude too, though whether to Sarah, each other, or just the universe, neither of them could possibly say.

Robert dabbed at his eyes for a final time and gave a determined nod. “Right, let’s get going,” he said, and Aaron immediately checked him over to see whether it was too soon.

“Sure?” he queried, the concern evident on his face. “We can stay a bit longer.”

There was a moment where Robert seemed to pause, perhaps deliberating with his own conscience, but eventually he gave a weak smile and took hold of Aaron’s hand.

“No, it’s fine. I needed her to know I was okay now and I’ve done that,” he answered, gesturing for them to return back towards the gate. “Let’s go.”

Satisfied that he wasn’t about to break down, Aaron followed Robert out onto the street, the pair of them strolling side by side towards the Woolpack. Strangely, he didn’t feel as self-conscious about holding hands anymore, almost as if visiting Sarah’s grave had dispelled some buried fear he had of not being enough for Robert. He reasoned that if Robert felt comfortable enough introducing Aaron to his mother, the woman he loved more than anything else in this world, then chances were he had no issues with them being seen together in public.

That being said, being openly affectionate on an empty road was very different to walking into a packed pub where most of family were likely to be waiting. Robert must have sensed his apprehension because he slowed as they reached the door, turning to give Aaron a questioning look.

“Still okay? he asked quietly, thumb rubbing over Aaron’s knuckles.

Aaron swallowed hard, forcing himself not to spiral any further than he already was, and gave a sharp nod. “Let’s just get it over with.”

Robert pushed the door open before either of them had a moment longer to think about it. A wall of warmth slammed into them, clashing fiercely with the icy air outside, and Aaron gave a shiver, curling in tighter to Robert’s side. The pub, busy even for a lunchtime, had fallen silent as soon as they walked in and Aaron gave a quick scan of the faces now all staring back at him.

“Aaron!” his mum exclaimed, before her eyes fell on Robert who had managed to conceal himself in the shadows up until this moment.

“Oh,” she said, the disapproval coming off her in waves. It put Aaron’s teeth on edge and he stepped forward, jaw locked as he asked: “This gonna be a problem?”

“We’re just here for lunch. That’s all,” Robert said immediately afterwards, possibly trying to extinguish some of the tension now rippling around them.

Chas looked between them, dark eyes scrutinising their expressions before glancing down at their hands. Her shock flickered across her face for a moment before she managed to school her features into something resembling neutral acceptance.

“Right, well… I’ll get you some menus then,” she said, feigning cheerfulness even if her tones was still clipped.  “You want a drink first?” she asked over her shoulder as she grabbed two laminated pieces of paper and slide them across the bar. Robert took them both before claiming one of the stools, gesturing for Aaron to take the other.

“Thanks,” Robert said to Chas, surprisingly polite considering how all their previous conversations had disintegrated. Even she seemed taken aback, blinking at him as if trying to absorb this new and improved version. In the end she gave up, turning to pour them both a pint while Aaron tucked his feet up onto the metal rail at the bar. He glanced at Robert, a question poised on the tip of his tongue, but Robert beat him to it.

“She’s never going to like me if I don’t start trying,” he whispered, hands clasped together on his lap and his gaze firmly set on the menu in front of him rather than on Aaron.

“She doesn’t have to like you,” he answered, nudging his knee against Robert’s thigh until he finally relinquished and looked up. “It doesn’t matter what they think, Rob. It won’t change anything… between us.” He said it quietly, partly because this was a private conversation and no one else’s business but their own, and partly out of habit. He was still so used to skulking in corners, it felt surreal to be sat here now, knowing everyone knew about them.

The corner of Robert’s mouth ticked up for a second, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. “They’re your family,” he said, eyes now solemn. “I’ve caused enough damage in my own without making rifts in yours as well.”

He cast his eyes around the pub for a moment, almost as if he was checking for something, and then slid his hand across to take Aaron’s. “This is gonna be a fresh start,” he whispered, sounding braver than Aaron had ever heard him before, “and I promise… I won’t mess it up for us this time.”

Aaron wanted to say something. You won’t. You’re doing so well. You could burn this whole place down and I’d still be right beside you. But his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, heart clamouring in his ears, so eventually he did the only thing he could actually still remember how to do.

He leaned forward, one hand still in Robert’s, and placed the other at his cheek before pressing their lips together. It was only fleeting, a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, but he still heard the rush of murmurs take flight around them, and he knew without looking that his mother was gawping at the pair of them.

Robert looked pleased to the point of smug as he sat back on his stool, biting down on a grin that Aaron was certain was about to crack any second. He felt the same, like suddenly his skin was made of armour. Untouchable. Invincible. Unbreakable.

It didn’t matter what anyone else said or did or thought. Everyone in this village could turn against them for all he cared - he’d still have Robert at the end of it, and for him, that was all that really mattered right now. Everyone else could just—

“All right, lovebirds?” Adam suddenly shouted in their ears, a hand slapping down on both their shoulders as he gave a warm, infectious laugh. Robert’s entire face seemed to convulse with irritation and his spine snapped straight, his whole body freezing up. Aaron only snorted, giving Adam a sideways glance and a slight quirk of his eyebrow.

“Really?” he asked, even if he was more than just a little amused at his friend’s obvious delight at the situation. It made a nice change, really, considering how frosty some people had been.

Adam grinned back at him, dark eyes still laughing. “Can’t I be happy for my mate and my brother-in-law making it official?”

Robert groaned suddenly, head following forwards into his hands.

“What have I said?” Adam asked, looking genuinely concerned as he turned to Aaron. “It’s not like you two are still a secret… is it?”

Aaron just shook his head, unable to stop laughing as he replied: “No, I think he’s just remembered you two are related.”

“Technically,” came Robert’s muffled response from where his face was still hidden by his hands. “We’re only technically related.”

“Well, technically is all that matters. Bro,” Adam added, just to have Robert groan again, before turning back to Aaron. “Go on, then. Tell me what happened?”

At that moment, Chas returned with their drinks and Aaron suddenly went self-conscious, his cheeks growing far too warm as he shrugged a response and took a generous gulp of his pint.

“Hasn’t Vic already filled you in?” he asked, certain that she would have told him at least some of it considering she’d been front and centre stage during most of the first half.

“Oh, yeah. She came home last night practically screaming the place down. Couldn’t get a word in for two hours,” Adam said through another laugh. “But she only saw the bit out here. I want to know what went on in there,” he finished, waggling his eyebrows suggestively towards the backroom.

Robert lifted his head at that, but only to ask: “Remind me how old you are again?”

“Think Grandpa might be getting grouchy.”

“What did he just—”

“We just talked,” Aaron broke in before Robert had a chance to finish. “You know… cleared the air, got things sorted out. Then we went home.”

“Jesus, well don’t say that to Vic. In her head it was something straight out of one of them rom-coms.”

Robert scrunched up his nose. “We’re not that tacky,” he said, sounding far more offended than he had any right to be considering how they'd been acting earlier. Aaron wasn't so sure a rom-com was that far off the mark, in all honesty.

“You’re no fun, either,” Adam muttered, just managing to avoid a swipe from Aaron and Robert. “Right, well, I better go grab the missus from the kitchen. She’s been desperate to see you. I only just managed to convince her not to go charging round to yours when you two showed up here.”

He headed straight for the kitchen with Robert looking on, dread in his eyes. “Brilliant,” he said, sounding like he felt the exact opposite. 

“Just remember, this was your idea,” Aaron reminded him, smirking when Robert shot him a severely unimpressed look. 

“Thanks for that.”

“What are boyfriends for?” he teased, even if he was acutely aware this was the first time he'd said the word and was half-waiting for the world to cave in around him. Robert, thankfully, seemed completely unperturbed by it, instead glancing back over to the kitchen and answering:  “Protecting me from my little sister?”

Robert made Vic sound like Attila the Hun, rather than the pint-sized know-it-all she really was. That being said... she was still terrifying, despite her miniature status. “Listen, I’m gonna need just as much protection as you. We’re both gonna get the third degree,” Aaron countered, but Robert's expression didn't shift, still looking just as concerned as before.

“Yeah, but she’s going to come after me first.”

And as if right on cue, Victoria suddenly appeared, shrieking from the corner of the bar and immediately running over to wrestle Robert into a bone-crushing hug. Aaron heard the air go out of his lungs in a single huff which was then completely masked by Vic’s run-on sentences.

“I knew you two would see sense and get together I just knew it because you’ve always been so good together and I said that to Adam but he wasn’t so sure but I just knew that you were meant to be and last night proved it!” She barely took a breath, and neither apparently could Robert judging by how red his face was getting, still smothered in Victoria’s hold. Eventually Aaron had to tap her on the shoulder just so she would remember to release him.

Of course, he hadn’t quite realised that meant she’d come for him instead, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and tightening her hold with an unnerving amount of strength.

“I’m just so happy for you two,” she said, and as much as the life was being slowly squeezed out of him, he couldn’t help but smile. The pair of them, her and Adam, had this unbelievable amount of positive energy that seemed to radiate across to anyone within a five mile radius. It was impossible not to feel something.

“All right, Vic. I’ve only just got him back, maybe don’t kill him, eh?” Robert was saying, and with that she finally let him go as well, even if it was only to flick her brother on the forehead.

“Ow!” he exclaimed, looking hilariously offended as he rubbed the tender skin.

“That is for being an idiot,” she said, a finger still pointed at him.

“I did the right thing in the end,” Robert grumbled, now looking suitably chastised as he glanced at Aaron for some support. He could say nothing though in response, far too amused at the current display of sibling affection to offer much more than a barely-concealed grin.

“Yeah, but it still took you more than a month to get there,” she countered, folding her arms across her chest. “You both need your heads knocked together. But then, I suppose, you’ve done that yourselves now. I’m just glad you finally realised what a good thing you’ve got.”

They couldn’t help but look at each other then, both thinking the exact same thing.

“We know, Vic,” Robert said quietly, stretching across to squeeze Aaron’s knee for a moment. They lost themselves in each other, struck afresh by how lucky they were, and only glanced up when they heard a loud sniff.

Vic was carefully dabbing at her eyes which now seemed worryingly wet at the corners. “God, I don’t think I can handle you two being this sweet,” she said, her voice thick with emotion, and something in Robert must have given in because he immediately stood up and put an arm around her.

“Don’t go soft on me,” he murmured into her hair, but he kissed her forehead all the same and Aaron couldn’t help but think that they were both as soft as each other. Adam, evidently, was of a similar mind judging by the look he threw Aaron’s way, as if to say: What have we landed ourselves with?

There was a strange camaraderie to it that bloomed warm across his chest and he winked back, the pair of them sharing a private joke as Robert and Vic finally broke apart.

“Right,” she said, still sniffing. “I need to get back to work, especially if you two want feeding.”

“Yeah, and I’m gonna go up and see mum,” Adam cut in, shrugging on his jacket. “Oh, but mate - remind me later to have a word about an idea I’ve got. I’m telling you, if this goes our way, we could be rolling in it. Then it won’t just be Mr. Money Bags over here who can flash the cash!”

He was gone before Robert could take a swipe at him but they heard him laughing outside, obviously well aware at how pissed off he’d just made his brother-in-law.

“One day you’re going to have to explain what you see in him,” Robert grumbled, taking a gulp of his pint.

“Think there’d be a few asking me the same about you,” Aaron replied teasingly, and then instantly regretted it the second he saw Robert’s face fall.

“No, wait—”

“You’re right.”

“No, I’m not, and that’s not how I meant it,” Aaron went on quickly, grabbing Robert’s hand and holding on for dear life. “You’ll never know what it means to me… knowing I’ve got you. Cause I’ve never been able to have that with anyone, let alone someone like you, and…” He cut himself off, had to, because he knew if he kept going he’d break, and he didn’t want to do that here, not with so many people still watching them. Instead he cleared his throat, counted to three in his head, and finished, still a little choked: “You’re it for me, all right? So don’t bother worrying about anything, cause you’re never getting rid of me.”

He could tell how much Robert was affected by it. He looked young again, like he had in front of his mother’s grave, only this time his eyes weren’t lost. They were full. Full of hope, and happiness, and… love.

“So you’re saying I’m stuck with you?” he clarified, smiling now as he turned his full body towards Aaron.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Robert nodded, looking pleased. “Well I guess I could do worse,” he said and grinned when Aaron pinched the skin through his jeans. They were too happy to even try to hide it now, floating high on their own good fortune. It didn’t even matter that they were so exposed in the middle of the pub - Aaron could have been standing starkers in the middle of Hotten’s high street and he’d still have been grinning like a fool.

That being said, when a family vacated their booth in the corner by the window, the pair slipped from their barstools and settled themselves on the cushioned benches, relaxing instantly once they were nestled in their secluded corner. Robert rested his arm along the back of the seat and Aaron found himself shuffling closer until he felt Robert’s thumb gently start to stroke the fine hairs at the back of his neck. It was more intimate than they had ever been in public before, and yet it still felt safe in their darkened spot out of the way of other’s prying eyes.

Or at least, that’s what they had hoped for. Chas, on the other hand, had other ideas.

“Ready to order?” she asked, hands on hips as she firmly looked only at her son and point blank refused to meet Robert’s eye.

Aaron bristled, gathering the menus together and passing them back to her. “Rob?” he asked, deciding that even his mum wasn’t going to acknowledge him, that didn’t mean Aaron couldn’t.

“Burger and chips,” Robert said after clearing his throat. Aaron nodded, turning back to Chas. “Burger and chips for him, and I’ll have the macaroni cheese,” he said forcefully, glancing back to catch Robert’s thankful smile.

“Right,” Chas said, heading back over to the bar but paused halfway there before turning back on herself. “I know you think I’m being unfair,” she began, immediately holding up a hand when Aaron tried to shoot her down, “but I saw what happened the first go around with him, how unhappy you were. And I haven’t been able to help before… when you were hurt.” She couldn’t help but glance down at Aaron’s stomach where he knew, without her needing to say a word, that she was visualising his scars. “But I am here now, and I can’t just stand back and watch as he takes advantage—”

“He’s not,” Aaron cut in before she could go any further. “He’s not taking advantage, he’s not making a mug of me, and he won’t hurt me like he did before. Look, I get you maybe don’t trust him, but you still trust me, yeah?”

Chas looked at him, dark eyes melting. She nodded.

“Right, well I’m telling you he’s good for me. Sometimes he does my head in, but most of the time he’s great… the best thing to happen to me in years, apart from finding you again. And you sort of owe him, really, cause the only reason I’m here is because of him. He was the one who pushed me to come back, and he was the one who tried to convince me to see you. Plus, when you think about how many chances you’ve had, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to give him a second one an’ all.”

He hadn’t meant to go off on one, even if he had managed to stay calm at least this time, but Chas still looked stunned by his outburst, taking him in as if she was only just seeing him for the first time. He held firm, waited it out until she finally had a chance to get a hold of her voice.

“Well, if that’s the way you feel love, then I won’t stand in your way,” she said, her eyes flicking swiftly to Robert as she added: “But hurt him just one more time, and they won’t ever find your body.”

Judging by her tone, Aaron fully believed it as well. So did Robert, considering how silent he’d gone the moment Chas’s threat left her mouth. She gave him a final warning look and then left them to it. Aaron turned round immediately, checking to make sure Robert wasn’t about to reconsider everything about their relationship, but he seemed strangely calm.

“All right?” Aaron asked, now more than a little worried by how quiet he still was.

Robert just stared back, the cogs of his mind almost audibly grinding to a halt as he gulped. “Did you mean it?” he said hoarsely, green eyes fierce with something that Aaron couldn’t put his finger on.

“Mean what?”

“What you said. To your mum,” he explained, then dropped his gaze to the floor. “About me.”

Aaron played it back in his mind, wondering if he’d possibly said something that Robert could have taken offence at, but he couldn’t think of anything. How the Hell had he managed to put his foot in it without even realising?

“Robert—”

“I love you.” He breathed it out, as if it had been aching in his chest all the while, and the only way to be free of it was to say it aloud. His whole body relaxed into the seat, relief taking hold, while all Aaron could do was sit rooted, still as dumstruck by the words as he had been the first time. He very much doubted he would ever get used to hearing them - not from Robert, at least.

“It’s all right. I’m not expecting you to say it back,” Robert continued gently, resting a hand on Aaron’s shoulder for good measure as if to show there really were no hard feelings. But of course, that was the whole problem. All of Aaron’s feelings were beyond hard - everything he felt was a struggle, an emotional turmoil writhing inside him, unable to find any kind of peace or even distinction. It was all just a jumbled mass of things he had no name for. The only real feeling he could place was fear, but that certainly wasn’t something he could voice to Robert.

He ducked his head, shame spreading cold across his shoulders, and bit down on his lower lip. “I’m sorry.”

Robert was curled around him in seconds, his whole body protecting Aaron’s as he whispered in his ear: “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I don’t need to hear it.”

“But I… I do want to…” Aaron couldn’t even get the words out. He wanted so deeply, so painfully, but there was invisible force pushing back against him, refusing to let him speak. He didn’t want to admit it but he was fairly certain the thing stopping him right now… was himself.

“Look at me,” Robert murmured, crooking a finger under Aaron’s chin and lifting his face gently so their eyes could meet. “You could never say it and I’d still feel exactly the same. I promise you, Aaron. I don’t need to hear it. Ever.”

But that wasn’t the issue. He believed Robert completely, knew he’d stay even if Aaron could never find the words to tell him how he felt. He’d known it the moment Robert stood in front of the entire pub and fought for them without any hope of succeeding. No, Robert wasn’t the problem at all.

He was.

“I just…” He fought against his own tongue which had turned to lead in his mouth and forced the words out. “I just… I need you to know.”

Robert nodded, green eyes wide and accepting, taking all of Aaron in. “I know,” he replied, and there was something about the way he said it, the way he kept his gaze and his voice steady, that calmed Aaron completely. It was the knowledge that he had been understood, without having to explain or justify anything. Robert only had to look at him and he knew.

They settled back into their corner again, safe in the knowledge that they were just as in sync as they always had been, and fell into a comfortable silence, both of them surreptitiously people watching as people chatted amongst themselves. Marlon came out carrying their plates and gave each of them a slightly awkward smile as he placed them on the table before backing off without a word. Aaron just rolled his eyes, wondering if they would ever be able to have a normal, comfortable conversation. In fact, he was so caught up with his own thoughts that he barely registered Robert’s phone buzzing. He only looked up when he felt Robert’s body shift against his, every part of him zoned in on the message in front of him.

“What is it?” Aaron asked, heart thudding to a complete halt before restarting suddenly when he realised Robert was smiling. It was just a faint little thing but it was there all the same, lighting up his eyes in a way Aaron hoped he’d never get used to.

“Andy,” he said, cradling his phone now in both hands. “Vic must’ve told him she’d seen us.”

Aaron glanced from him to the phone and back again. “So what did he say? Everything all right?”

Robert nodded, turning the mobile round so Aaron could see the screen. It was only one line - obviously Andy wasn’t big on talking - but Aaron could still see why it had made Robert smile.

Proud of u brother.

It meant a lot to him, Aaron could tell. Robert’s eyes had gone damp and he kept having to look away as if he thought Aaron would possibly judge him for it. His and Andy’s relationship was so complicated, so mired in betrayal and bitterness, that it was a wonder they could even stomach being in the same village together, but evidently their conversation the other day had gone a long way to soothing some of those deep and festering wounds. Aaron was glad, honestly. Robert hadn’t had an easy home life, never able to fit in the way he’d always dreamed of, and it seemed only right that he should get to feel that he belonged now that he’d finally been able to come out properly. He’d been isolated for fifteen years, and now, finally, he could come home.

“You gonna go and seem him?” Aaron asked as Robert tucked the phone back into his jeans pocket.

“Yeah, maybe at the weekend. I thought I’d see if he needed a hand sorting out the farm,” Robert said. “You could come with me, if you fancied it? You’ve not really met him properly.”

It sent another rush through him, just like when Robert had introduced him to Sarah. “Yeah, sounds good. He’ll probably be needing all the help he can get right now with Wiley’s in the state it’s in.”

“I think Andy’s been working round the clock to try and fix it up as quickly as possible. I mean chances are he’s gonna be too proud to accept the help, but we can try…” Robert trailed off, eyes sliding up to the man who had just entered through the pub door.

“I don’t believe this.”

“Cain,” Moira warned, a hand on his arm which he readily ignored as he shot daggers at the pair of them.

“So you didn’t listen, then?” he went on, now turning directly to Aaron with an accusatory stare. Aaron glared back, refusing to be terrorised by his uncle, especially today of all days.

“Maybe if you’d said anything I wanted to hear,” he retorted sharply.

“You’re a cheeky little sod, you know that? All I’ve ever done is try and help you, but now—”

“He’s not a child, Cain, he can make up his own mind,” Robert cut in forcefully, only to have Cain shoot him down a second later.

“I told you before, Sugden, and I won’t tell you again. Stay out of this.”

Only Robert had never been one to stay out of anything, Aaron knew that, and any kind of threat directed at him was always going to be a red rag to a bull.

“And I’m telling you, just like I told you last time - if it’s about him, then it’s about me as well. We’re a package deal now, so if you’re planning on tearing into Aaron for no good reason, then you better believe I’m going to wade in.” Robert paused to lean further over the table before finishing: “And trust me, it’ll be more than an even match.”

Cain’s mouth split into a dangerous grin. “You finally ready for that fight, eh?”

“Cain, stop it. This isn’t helping anyone,” Moira said, attempting to pull him away.

“He,” Cain practically spat, jabbing his finger in Robert’s direction, “shouldn’t be anywhere near our Aaron.”

“Why? Because I’ve fucked up in the past? Because I’ve hurt him?” Robert asked, now standing up as his emotions got the better of him. “I’m not denying it, Cain. I know better than anyone what I’ve put him through, and I know it’s going to take a lifetime to prove I’m trying to change. To be better. But I’ll do it. Christ, I’d do a Hell of a lot more if I got to keep him in my life.” Robert let out a breath that Aaron knew had as much to do with relief as it did with exhaustion. He felt it too, that sense of something long buried finally being dusted off and brought into the light.

“You’ve always been good with words,” Cain said, “but I can sniff out a lie, especially when it’s being said straight to my face.”

“Then call me a liar, Cain. Go on, do it. But you and me both know you won’t, because everyone in here can see I’m telling the truth.” Robert stopped, chest heaving with exertion, before glancing down to meet Aaron’s gaze. “He means… everything to me. I had no clue what love felt like until I met Aaron, and chances are I’d be dead by now if he hadn’t saved me, or at least I’d be wishing I was. So if you’re trying to say, for one second, that I would do anything to put what we have in danger, then it’s you who’s the liar, not me.”

Aaron had lost all ability to breathe. He wasn’t even sure his lungs still functioned anymore. The only thing he could do was stare at Robert and wonder how he had managed to get so lucky.

“You sure this is the bloke you want to be with?” Cain asked, looking at him with a mixture of suspicion and disdain. Aaron didn’t even turn, just kept staring at Robert as he replied, resolute: “I’m sure.”

Cain sniffed, but the way his shoulders levelled out showed he wasn’t intending on keeping up the fight. “Well, I think you’re an idiot,” he said, ignoring Aaron’s muttered thanks to finish, albeit reluctantly: “but he did almost kill someone for you. That counts for something.”

“Only you would think that was a good thing,” Moira joked, and laughed when Cain shot her a confused look.

“Does that mean we’ve got your blessing?” Robert asked, now taking a seat again, his hand searching for Aaron’s under the table. Aaron tangled their fingers together willingly, his heart still halfway up his throat as his mind did somersaults. Robert’s words echoed inside his ears, rebounding again and again until all he could hear was love and everything and saved.

“Don’t push it, sunshine,” Cain came back with, not that Aaron was paying attention. Robert, on the other hand, was smiling like a fool as he squeezed Aaron’s hand to get his attention.

“You know, I think he might actually be starting to like me,” he said, half-teasing, only to realise that Aaron was still dumbstruck, staring at the table. 

Robert huffed a sigh and pushed his plate towards Aaron. “Go on. Take one, you’ve been staring at them long enough.”

Aaron had no idea what he was talking about, but it didn’t matter. He felt like his internal organs were about to come flooding from his mouth if he didn’t say what he was now dying to give a voice to.

“Robert?” Even that word alone was enough to leave him light-headed, dizzy knowing what was about to happen. It was like he was standing on the very edge of a cliff and any second now he was going to step off and go hurtling down. He couldn’t wait.

“Yeah?” Robert asked, brows furrowing in worry as he leaned back a little to take in Aaron’s pale face and impossibly wide eyes.

“I love you.”

He heard the rush of air go past him, but instead of feeling like he was falling, instead it was more like… soaring. His breath hitched as he tasted the words on his tongue, relief and fear battling for dominance. The only comfort he could draw was the realisation that the same feelings were mirrored in Robert’s eyes.

“Be- Because I offered you a chip?” he asked, confusion taking over as Robert looked down at his plate as if for some profound answer.

Aaron laughed despite himself, saying: “No, you pillock,” before gripping hold of Robert’s hand tightly, determined never to let it go. “Because I just do. I love you.”

He understood why Robert like saying it so much now. Before he’d shied away from listening, too closed off, too detached, unwilling to be affected even if he still felt it all the same. But now… now it was the only thing he wanted to say, the only words he ever wanted to leave his mouth.

Robert stared at him for a moment, his expression slipping into neutral before breaking into a smile so bright he was in danger of blinding Aaron just by the sheer force of it. He might have followed suit and smiled back if it wasn’t for the fact that Robert pulled him forward, a hand around the back of his neck, and kissed him soundly right there in the booth. And Aaron, despite knowing most of the pub, including some of his family, were no doubt watching, was absolutely too thrilled to care either way. He kissed Robert back with just as much fervour, until their grins made it near impossible to keep going.

“Seriously, though. I need to know what I did so I can keep doing it,” Robert said, nudging his nose against Aaron’s as if to coax him into telling.

“You were just being you,” was all he said by way of explanation, and savoured every minute shift of Robert’s expression as he took the words in.

“Oh,” he responded, blinking rapidly before his eyes softened. “Okay.”

“That all right?”

“It’s more than all right,” Robert murmured, cheeks flushing as he brought them close together again. “I love you, too.”

It sent a shiver through him but he masked it by teasing: “Should bloody hope so after all that.”

Robert wasn’t having any of it. He kept them both steady, kept his gaze on Aaron, and lowered his voice to barely above a whisper.

“I mean it,” he said, running his tongue across his lower lip in what Aaron assumed was a deliberate move to make it far more enticing than it had any right to be. If they had been alone… Well, there was plenty of time for that when they got back home.

“I know you do,” he settled for answering instead, the rest of the pub melting into nothingness as Robert cradled Aaron’s hands in his, the pair of them staring down at where their fingers curled around each other, an infinite join.

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before,” Robert admitted, not looking Aaron in the eye anymore as a muscle in his cheek flexed, no doubt betraying Robert trying to lock his jaw against any other admissions of love.

Soft, was all Aaron could think, even if he was just as bad and they both knew it.

“Me neither,” he said by way of proof, and then glanced across to their plates, knowing just the remedy for their slow slide into  deeper waters. “Can I pinch a chip now?”

Robert snorted, the question so unexpected that it was the only natural response he could give.

“You just had to ruin it,” he laughed, even as he nodded his agreement. “Go on, then.”

“Well, now I know it’s love,” Aaron said, grabbing one and tossing it into his mouth. He winked at Robert if for no other reason than because he liked teasing him so much, especially when it made Robert smile.

“Yeah and don’t you forget it,” he grumbled, pretending to drag the plate back so as to protect the last of his remaining chips. Aaron sobered just a little, pressing his thigh against Robert’s as he whispered: “I won’t. Promise.”

Robert didn’t respond, but he glanced over just for a moment, something warm and wholesome in his expression that Aaron couldn’t put a name to, but recognised all the same. Not quite love, not quite hope, not quite home. But somehow all three at once.