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INT. TIDE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
WE OPEN ON A CLOSE UP OF VYNCENT SLEEPING. HE SNORES LOUDLY WITH DROOL POOLING FROM HIS MOUTH, AND IN FRONT OF HIM IS A NIGHTSTAND WITH HIS CREDIT CARD ON IT. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS AS A SILHOUETTED HAND GRABS IT. CAMERA CUTS TO THE GUILTY PARTY’S POV, THEY HAVE SCISSORS IN THEIR HANDS. THEY CUT THE CARD IN HALF AND LEAVE IT IN THE KITCHEN. CUT TO BLACK.
FADE IN
INT. PRIME DEFENDERS KITCHEN - DAY
VYNCENT
(offscreen)
NOOOO!
WILLIAM appears
WILLIAM
(groggily)
Vynce? Everything alri-
WILLIAM stops himself as he sees VYNCENT on the floor. He’s holding his two pieced credit card in his hands with a single tear running down his face.
VYNCENT
My credit card, Will… It’s..It’s-
CUT TO the broken card in Vyncent’s hand. He clutches it.
VYNCENT
(continued)
It’s broken! Somebody cut it into two pieces!
WILLIAM thinks about making a certain joke but then shakes his head. It hasn’t been fully addressed anyway. He clears his throat.
CUT BACK TO WILL AND VYNCENT
WILLIAM
You know you can just…get a new one, right?
VYNCENT
(upset)
No I can’t, Will, this is my permanent credit card. I have to use it by 2155 or it explodes!
WILLIAM
That’s not how it-
(sighs)
Where’s Tide?
VYNCENT
Taking a shower. There’s a pot of stroganoff on the stove if you want some.
CUT TO the stroganoff. It’s bubbling. It looks alive for some reason.
WILLIAM
(hesitantly)
I…think I’m good.
DAKOTA bursts through the kitchen, yelling out. He crashes into a wall and then runs back up to the other two.
DAKOTA
I heard screaming! What happened?! Did someone get hurt? Are we gonna have to fight? I can kick ass at any time of the day, no problem! YO stroganoff!
WILLIAM
(uncaring)
Vyncent’s card got..cut in half. You didn’t happen to see or do anything like that last night, did you?
DAKOTA
(mouthful of stroganoff)
Nope. I was asleep by 9.
TEXT ON SCREEN APPEARS: DAKOTA’S STATEMENT TAKEN
VYNCENT
So if you didn’t do it, and Will didn’t do it. Then the next culprit must be-
A SURPRISE SOUND EFFECT PLAY. YOU KNOW THE ONE
TIDE enters, smiling.
TIDE
Good morning boys! How’s your breakfast?
CUT TO the boys all looking at each other with understanding eyes. This is their father figure who made their bed even when they weren’t in it. He would never. Not in a million years.
WILLIAM
Yea, I don’t think Tide would do that.
TIDE
Don’t think I’d do what?
DAKOTA
(smirking)
What makes you so sure Will didn’t do it?
WILLIAM looks offended, about to speak before VYNCENT runs up to DAKOTA and grabs his shoulders
VYNCENT
You’re right! We gotta do some sort of investigation-
TIDE
(unnoticed, with more concern)
Investigation for what?
VYNCENT
(continuing on)
We’ll need to get Lie Detector, bring out any subjects we can find…Like that lawyer girl from the woods!
The Prime Defenders seem to be having their own conversation, completely ignoring TIDE’s questions.
TIDE, to himself
Boys, what investigation, what’s going- your hand, Vyncent! It’s got a cut! With your..card..oh.
WILLIAM
(with emphasis)
You know you can just get a new one, right?
DAKOTA
(quizzically)
‘Little sus that you’d say that, Will…right when we’re calling you the culprit…why?
WILLIAM
(offended)
Cause I didn’t do it?
CUT TO
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
With a swing of VYNCENT’s arm, the room transforms into an all too familiar courtroom. He wears a simple dark blue suit with a purple tie, and has his long hair in a spikier ponytail than usual. WILLIAM is on the other side, wearing an extremely intricate black suit with a wispy blue vest and cravat. And looks..edgier? For some reason?
VYNCENT
(slams the table)
That’s what someone guilty would say! Why don’t you go up to the stand and prove it?
WILLIAM
(tired)
I’m on the defense side. You have to ask the judge if you want to do that.
VYNCENT
Oh…right.
TEXT APPEARS: A lawyer who knows nothing about law. This should be interesting.
DAKOTA is next to him, arms crossed. He’s just wearing his normal clothes..for some reason
DAKOTA
(yelling)
YOUR HONOR, WE CALL TO THE WITNESS STAND WILLIAM WISP!
CUT TO the witness stand, WILLIAM pops in frame floating on the seat. He sighs dejectedly.
CUT TO Tide on the judge stand, banging the mallet. He gives out a nervous smile.
TIDE
Boys, boys,let’s all calm down, okay? Vyncent, I’m sure whoever cut your credit card is someone not in this room. We are a family after all. We wouldn’t hurt each other, right?
CUT TO all the boys doing the white people face
VYNCENT
(clears his throat)
So..Will..
WILLIAM
(cutting him off)
Didn’t do it.
DAKOTA
(pointing offscreen)
TELL THAT TO LIE DETECTOR!
CUT TO a fairly tall lanky person. Their outfit is outlandish, a full yellow bodysuit with random words written all over and tuxedo mask glasses.
LIE DETECTOR
He’s telling the truth, hmm yesssss!
CUT TO VYNCENT AND DAKOTA. They both shrug and WILLIAM rolls his eyes, popping back into the defense side.
VYNCENT
Okay..um..next..
WILLIAM
I call to the witness stand Dakota Cole!
DAKOTA
What?!
DAKOTA materializes into the witness stand
DAKOTA
Why?!
WILLIAM
Because fuck you, man!
TIDE
(banging the mallet)
Order order! There’s no need to curse, now. Vyncent, take out the card. Is there anything on it that could indicate who could’ve done this?
VYNCENT looks at the card. Apart from the uneven cut, there isn’t anything..Except for..wait
VYNCENT
(slams the table)
I CALL TO THE WITNESS STAND, LE FROG !
WILLIAM
What?
LE FROG appears, french music swells in the courtroom
LE FROG
Hon hon hom, William! Prime Defenders! How are you doing?
VYNCENT
Le Frog…you know about my crippling debt, right?
LE FROG
Non.
VYNCENT
Really? Then how did this OOZE get on my credit card?!
CUT TO a close up on the card. A gross liquid is tattered on the card. CROWD GASPS can be heard.
LE FROG
Hon Hon Hon, Vyncent, I do not ooze. I am Le Frog.
LIE DETECTOR
(offscreen)
He’s telling the truth, hmm yesss!
TEXT APPEARS ON SCREEN: oh right..he’s a guy in a frog costume…sometimes I forget that.
A flash appears on the screen. In red, the words OBJECTION! Rings out as WILLIAM stands forward
WILLIAM
Vynce, I’m telling you, you can just get another card.
The same graphic flashes again, only it’s on VYNCENT’s side
VYNCENT
We’re too far in this to stop now. We have to figure out
CAMERA ZOOMS IN
whodunnit.
TIDE bangs the mallet
TIDE
Alright boys, I’m calling a recess. Take some time to cool off and we can get back when we’re ready. That’s an order.
FADE TO BLACK
INT. OUTSIDE COURTROOM - DAY
VYNCENT
Okay. This card has some ooze on it. Who else in our life oozes?
DAKOTA
The sewer ravioli guy, but he’s more sauce than ooze.
VYNCENT
Is ooze sauce?
WILLIAM
GUYS! This literally doesn’t matter. Why are we making it such a huge deal?
DAKOTA
You’re just saying that because you did it, aren't you?
WILLIAM
(yelling)
IT WAS PROVEN I WAS INNO-
(takes a deep breath)
Okay. If you really wanna try and see who did it, why don’t you check the cameras?
VYNCENT
(gasps)
William! You’re a genius
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
TIDE
Okay boys, have you decided anyone else you wanna call to the stand?
VYNCENT
No. BUT we want to check the house cameras! BRING THE EVIDENCE!
CUT TO a video of the kitchen. For most of the night, it’s silent and empty. Except for a couple of night snacks from DAKOTA. They look at him and he shrugs. It’s pretty standard. And suddenly- they hear it.
GOOBLECK!
A small figure, cloaked and oozing purple is holding the card. They cut it in half. The cloaked figure reveals themself…
WILLIAM
Wh…What the fuck is that?
GOOBLECK enters
GOOBLECK
GOOBLECK!
VYNCENT
Why did you cut my card??
GOOBLECK
For the plot, heehoo
THE END