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It has been roughly six months now since he got rescued and somehow adopted by the Kim pack. He lives with them in a big house where he even has his own room. Nothing he has to share and with a door that only he can lock from the inside. It made him feel safer but not completely safe to this day.
Even though the boundaries that he never explicitly voiced out were always respected and understood and everyone in the pack made sure that Namjoon was nothing but comfortable, safe and happy - Namjoon couldn't help but be wary. This is how a pack is supposed to be, to act with each other, to love each other.
The last time he experienced that first hand was when he was just a small pup in his old pack. He ran around with the other hybrids in the forest next to their home until the sun set. At home his parents would cuddle him and bathe him in all the affection and love and praise that they possibly had to offer.
Namjoon vividly remembers how over the span of just a few days his whole pack got annoyed with him. To this day he can not remember what he has done wrong to deserve the treatment that he got.
There is a gentle knock on his locked door, it's early in the morning and Namjoon has already been awake for three hours. He showered just before the sun started to rise - as quiet as he could to not wake anyone.
“Namjoon-ie” Seokjin's voice sounds muffled through the wooden door. “It's time to get up and ready, love, Yoongi would drive you to work today if that's okay with you.” the older one adds, his voice gentle.
Namjoon thinks about it for a bit, nearly all of them have taken him to work by now at some point. Yet he prefers if Yoongi drives him because the kindergarten at which the younger one works at is actually on the way to the others studio. It makes Namjoon feel less like a burden if Yoongi drives him.
“That would be really nice, Seokjin Hyung” Namjoon says loud enough for the pack leader to hear. “Okay, darling, I will tell him. I made you some lunch, it's on the kitchen counter.”
Seokjin always prepares him lunch, he never misses a day, even when he was sick that one time.
It is always made with so much love, he cuts the fruit in adorable little shapes and always writes a note with a cute doodle under it.
Namjoon checks his outfit in the full body mirror right next to his wardrobe and pulls at the fabric of his sleeves and collar before unlocking and opening the door.
Seokjin is still dressed in his pajamas, his fluffy fox ears peeking from his ruffled up hair.
“Good morning” the fox hybrid says with a smile, he looks like he just woke up and went straight up to knock on Namjoons door.
“You look lovely, Joon” the older one's smile grows even wider as he musters the outfit. “It's getting warmer outside, the hoodie could maybe be a bit too much.” Seokjin explains and Namjoon can see how he has to force himself to not touch the fabric of the clothing.
“It's okay, I dont get warm so fast and I have a shirt under it.” the taller man explains, pulling the hem of his hoodie up just a tiny bit so that only the shirt peeks out.
Seokjin nods, “make sure to still drink enough water okay? We don't want you to get a headache, lovebug” he reminds gently, yet in Namjoons brain it sounds like an order. “I will, I promise” the dog hybrid makes sure.
“Don't forget your lunch” the fox stretches out his hand to ruffle the others hair but quickly takes it back before he can touch it. “Im sorry, habit” he apologizes quickly and something inside Namjoons chest breaks.
Seokjin has always been touchy and showed his love through physical attention and hugs and pets and kisses. He hates himself even more for not feeling brave enough to allow it. Maybe he should, no scratch that; he has to. Seokjin is so nice to him, always caring for him, making him lunch, checking up on him. The least he can do is let the older man touch him.
“It's okay, you can” he mumbles out, nearly whimpering and closes his eyes, awaiting the contact.
“Namjoon-ah” Jin sighs.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, he did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, he only made it worse.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, it will only make it even more horrible than it already is.
“Love, Namjoon, listen to me. You need to breath.” Seokjin's voice pulls him right out of his thoughts again. “Joon, you are hyperventilating, I need you to take a deep breath, okay? Let's do it together. Three, Two, One and Breath in” the fox explains and takes a deep audible breath as a demonstration.
Namjoon opens his eyes again and even though the others voice has been calm, his face screams panic, so he quickly changes his gaze to the clock over his bed. He stares at it, counting the seconds that pass as he mirrors the others breathing.
“Im sorry, i'm so, so sorry, Hyung, I didn't mean to-” He tries to apologize but Jin stops him quickly.
“It is okay, darling, you did nothing wrong. What I meant to say was that you shouldn't offer something that you don't want. I know that you don't want to be touched and that's okay. That's something that I have to work on, not you. I didn't mean to pressure you into anything, I will work on it and it's okay.” Seokjin reassures and explains, smiling at the younger man.
“I like to touch the people that are close to my heart because I want them to feel comforted but I know that this is not comforting /you/ and that's totally fine. I wouldn't feel good about doing something that you don't like. So don't worry your pretty little head about it okay?” the older man adds.
“We” Namjoon starts, still staring at the clock. “We can maybe play the new game you got when I am home?” he stammers quietly, not daring to look at the other. “Would that make you feel better?” He suggests, he saw Seokjin being so happy about the release of the game but he didn't get to play it yet since it requires at least two players.
“Would /you/ like that, Joon-ah?” the other asks right back and Namjoon thinks about it for a few seconds. “I mean, I never played the game or other games, really and I am probably not very good at it and maybe you would rather play with Jeongguk because he is good at video games.” The dog hybrid finally turns his gaze to the fox.
“That's not what I asked you, love. Would you like to play the game with me? Only the aspect of playing with me and spending time with me. Not if you are good at it or anything else. If you think about it, does it sound like something you would like to do? Something that sounds fun?” Seokjin smiles and Namjoon can't comprehend how a man can be so patient and so understanding.
“Yeah, I think it sounds good” he offers a small smile that quickly vanishes again.
“Then I would love to play that game with you, sweetheart. I don't care if you are great at it or not. I would love to spend time with you.” for a second Namjoon thinks that Seokjin will cry but the older man blinks a few times and it's gone again.
“And if you change your mind then that's okay, too. I won't pressure you. I wont be mad, I won't be disappointed, I wont be sad, none of that or anything else that your head tells you. I love you now and I will still love you afterwards, no matter how you decide, okay? And if you need that reassurance again, no matter if it's today evening or in ten seconds. Hyung will give it to you okay? Never forget that, darling. I am always here if you need me, because I love you, Namjoon.” Seokjin says, as if he can read the younger man's mind.
The dog hybrid stares at him, he can't tell if it's seconds, minutes or hours. “Thank you” is all he can say.
“Get your lunch, honey, I will tell Yoongi that you drive with him.” Jin smiles from ear to ear before he skips down the stairs.
—-------
“Good morning, buddy” Yoongi greets Namjoon as the younger walks into the kitchen and packs his lunch box in his bag. “Good morning, Hyung” he briefly looks at him before staring at the door.
“Ready to go?” the older man picks up his own bag from next to his feet and throws it over his shoulder. The dog hybrid nods but waits for the other to do something.
Yoongi exits the kitchen and the apartment completely, always taking a quick look behind him, making sure that Namjoon is still there.
In the car he hands his phone over, his playlist open. “Choose something you would like to listen to right now, Joon-ah” the cat hybrid shoots him a short smile.
“I like all of these” he reassures without hearing a word from the other.
Namjoon is a bit hesitant at first, not sure if this may be a trap, some sort of joke or whatsoever but in the end he clicks on a song he has heard Jimin listen to a few days ago.
“Ohh, that's a good one, Joon,” Yoongi smiles and taps his fingers to the beat on the steering wheel. “When do you finish today?” the older man asks into the silence. It's not an uncomfortable or awkward kind of silence, both of them vibing to the music on their own.
“At three” Namjoon answers as he fidgets with the sleeve of his hoodie.
“I would pick you up if that's fine with you?” the cat hybrid suggests. “Thank you but you don't have to, Hyung, I can take the bus.” It's not that he doesn't want to drive with him or that he doesn't like driving with Yoongi but the lingering thought of being a bother and annoying just won't stop screaming.
“I wouldn't mind it, Namjoon-ah. It's on the way and I will have a set in stone time when I stop working. Jeongguk whined my ear off about how I'm working too much and sometimes don't make it for dinner. It's a win-win.” he explains, not because he wants to convince him but to show him that he wants to and that he cares - Namjoon knows that, somewhere deep in his brain he knows that.
“Okay” the taller of the two days after a few seconds of thinking. “Thank you” he adds quickly after.
“No need to thank me for that, buddy” the cat waves off and stops at the parking lot of the kindergarden.
“Have a wonderful day, Joonie” Yoongi smiles as he watches Namjoon unbuckling his seatbelt. “Thank you for driving me” the dog hybrid says with a small, crooked smile.
“I love driving with you.” and with that Namjoon leaves.
—-------
“Namjoon Oppa! Look!” a small girl comes running towards the young man with a bunny plushie in her small hands. The kindergarten teacher crouches down and smiles at her. “Who is that, Chae?” he can't explain why but it has always been so, so easy to be himself and less worried about anything and everything when he was at work.
“That's Misses Bun!” the girl explains over-excitedly, shoving the plush even further towards Namjoon.
“My sister is an adult now like you and now she lives alone and she said that if I ever miss her I can cuddle Misses bun!” Chaejun tells him and holds the bunny close to her chest and cuddles it.
“That's so sweet of her, I bet she misses you too” Namjoon answers, his smile growing wider as he watches the girl skip back to her friends again.
He thinks about the silly little story a bit more. Maybe that is something that he can do too? His train of thoughts stop at Seokjin - maybe it would ease the elder a bit if he has something to touch that reminds him of Namjoon? He could even spray a bit of his perfume on it.
It sounds silly and cliche and weird but maybe, just maybe, that's a good idea.
So in his lunch break - that his coworker forced him to take since he tends to ignore it in order to get some paperwork done - he finds himself in a gigantic section in a shop full of plush toys.
He finds a small collection of different fluffy animals that he took in the next round of deciding but in the end he goes for a golden retriever plushy with an adorable face and extremely soft fur.
Namjoon carefully carries it in a paper bag back to work and secures it in his locker. His mind wanders to the plush toy more times that he would like to admit as he teaches and plays with the young children. What if Seokjin thinks that it's weird? What if he is disgusted and grossed out?
What if, what if, what if.
“How was work?” Yoongi asks him with a smile as the younger steps into the car; the paper bag is secured between his feet. “Good, the children had so much fun today, we crafted some decorations.” he answers with a smile on his lips.
“That sounds so sweet, Joon” the cat hybrid starts the car after making sure that the other seatbelt is on and set.
“And you?” Namjoon turns his face to the other, still in the more confident, happier state that he is in when he is at work. “I actually got some things done today. I had a call with the manager of the group I am currently producing the song for and he liked the demo. I will hear back from him when he talked to the group and showed them the demo.” Yoongi talks, a small happy bounce while he does so.
“The one that you showed me too?” the dog hybrid asks further, playing with the hem of his hoodie. He is glad they are on their way home because Seokjin was right this morning - the hoodie was too much, it was way too warm and now he feels icky but he knew that when he put the item of clothing on this morning.
“Yes, I was so scared if I am being honest but after you told me that you liked it I was a bit more confident in it.” Yoongi smiles so brightly that his gums show and it makes Namjoon feel all giddy and happy inside. It may be something small and silly but the fact that he made Yoongi feel a bit better about something makes him so, so happy that he can not comprehend.
“I'm glad” is all he manages to say.
—-------
“We are home!” Yoongi shouts into the house as they enter, making Namjoon flinch but luckily the cat hybrid doesn't notice.
“Hyungs!” Jeongguk says loudly, nearly falling down the stairs with the enthusiasm that he brings with him. “Can I hug you?” the bunny asks Yoongi with a bright, bright smile. “Sure” Yoongi smiles back and stretches his arms out, letting the youngest hug him tightly. “Missed you two” Jeongguk mumbles into Yoongi's neck.
“Missed you, too, love” the cat hybrid ruffles his hair before walking into the kitchen, saying hi to the others too.
Namjoon knows that Jeongguk asked Yoongi for the hug because Namjoon was there too, he tries to show that he wont do anything that Namjoon would not like. And it's sweet, really but the dog hybrid's mind is a bitch and loves to twist the intention around until it's bad, bad, bad.
Jeongguk smiles at Namjoon, still as bright as he came down the stairs. “Missed you, too,” the older man says as well. He places the paper bag on the floor and awkwardly offers his both hands for the other to hold if he would want to.
“Is that okay with you?” Jeongguk whispers and it takes a while before Namjoon nods. “I'm sorry I can't hug you” he apologizes but the bunny shakes his head and gently takes the taller man's hands in his own. “None of that, this is more than enough” he caresses the others hands. “I'm so proud of you, Hyungie” Jeongguk smiles. The youngers hands are warm and soft - it makes Namjoon immediately feel at ease.
“How was work, Hyung?” Jeongguk asks softly, his gaze shifting from Namjoon's hands to his eyes. The dog hybrid's eyes light up at the question. He just can't help it when it comes to the kids at work. “Really good, actually” he starts fidgeting with his fingers and the sleeve of his hoodie. “We crafted some flowers in order to decorate our classroom.” Namjoon explains, a smile tugging at his lips.
“That's so cute, Hyung, the kids must have loved it” Jeongguk smiles his oh so bright smile at the older one. Namjoon can see his small tail moving. There have been way too many times where all of the others were glad that the excited youngest was a bunny and not a feline or a dog hybrid - he would have destroyed a few things here and there with his tail.
Jeongguk gently guides the two of them into the kitchen where they find Seokjin with a cooking spoon in his hand, stirring something in a pot. The fox turns around as he hears the steps and smiles at the two. “Hello, loves” he smiles sweetly at them. Jeongguk waves excitedly and shuffles away after hearing his name being called by Taehyung.
“Wash up, buddy, I'm nearly done with cooking, alright?” Seokjin says, taking the pot from the stove.
Namjoon stares at him for a few seconds, his head spinning. It's so warm in the kitchen from all the steam and his choice of clothing wasn't the smartest but he knew that from the moment he put them on. Seokjin has to have some sort of talent for unknowingly reading his thoughts. “The hoodie must be warm, darling, don't you want to change out of it?”
“It's fine” the golden retriever mumbles, barely audible. He walks up to the cupboard and opens it. “What are you doing, Joonie?” Seokjin asks confused, making Namjoon freeze for a split second. “Setting the table, hyung” the younger one is just as confused. It hasn't been done yet which means that someone has to do it. That is what he has always been told and most of the time it's Namjoons tasks to do things that haven't been done yet, even if he never did it. At least this is what it used to be like before he met the fox hybrid and the others.
“Don't be silly, love. I appreciate the help but you just came home from work with Yoongi. Get comfortable first, okay? Hyung will do it” the fox hybrid waves off with a smile. “It's fine, honey, dont worry about it” he adds quickly.
Namjoon looks at the other for a while longer. Maybe it's a joke he is not getting? But Seokjin wouldn't do that, right?
“Would you like to do it with me together later? If it makes you feel a bit more settled then we can do it, okay? But get washed up first, alright?” Seokjin doesn't look like he truly understands why Namjoon is so keen on setting the table but his suggestions doesn't seem like he is trying to make fun of the other one or mock him.
“Isn't that weird?” Namjoon asks out loud - fuck, he didnt mean to. He looks shocked at his own words, staring with big eyes up at Seokjin who seems a bit confused again but also a bit startled. It takes a bit for him to answer.
“It's not weird, Namu. To be honest I don't really understand why it is so important to you but that doesn't mean that it's weird. We can do it if it makes you feel better. Because like I said, Namjoon, I want you to be comfortable and content and if that means setting the table for you to feel at ease then it's not weird. I probably also do things that seem weird to others but if it helps me feel better then I am doing it” Seokjin reassures Namjoon or well, at least tries to. He can't really see if it helps or not.
Namjoon nods, “okay” he mutters, not daring to look at the fox hybrid. “Thank you” he says but stays still. “Do you still want to play later?” the younger asks shyly.
“I would love to if you are still up for it” Namjoon can hear the smile in the way he talks. He nods and quickly shuffles off to his room where he showers and gets dressed again - still in a long sleeve shirt and a baggy pair of sweatpants.
The dinner goes smoothly. All of them are talking, except for Namjoon, he feels a bit tired and exhausted. He helps cleaning the kitchen afterwards and now finds himself in front of Seokjin's door with the paper bag in his hand. Before he can knock, the door opens. “Ah, hi, I was just about to come to you” the older man smiles, his gaze wanders to the bag.
“It's for you” Namjoon awkwardly holds out the bag, closing his eyes. “Maybe it's a bit childish but I thought it maybe is a bit cute. I got the idea from a child at work and she was so happy about it and so I thought you would like it too." He doesn't really notice how Seokjin already took the bag and looked into it.
“You really like physical touch and I thought that if you would have something like that it would make you feel better. I know it's not the same but-” “hey” Seokjin pulls him out of his monologue.
Namjoon looks up and sees the fox hybrid holding the plush dog close to his torso - just like Chaejun did this morning.
“That is so sweet of you, love” Namjoon can't remember a time where he saw Seokjin smile so brightly, so lovely, so happy. His tail is wagging excitedly, knocking on the doorframe. He turns the plushy around, looking at its face, paws and soft belly. “It's so cute, just like you” the fox hybrid says a bit louder than before - a small habit he picked up whenever his normally controlled emotions get big, big, big.
Namjoon turns slightly from side to side while biting his lower lip. “You dont think it's childish?” he asks quietly, can't help himself.
“And even if it was, I don't mind. I think it's very thoughtful and sweet of you, Namjoonie.” the older one holds the plushy close to his chest, hugging it tightly. “Wanna play now?” Jin smiles happily and walks into the room.
He already prepared everything, the title screen of the game is on the tv, there is a pillow and blanket heaven on the bed as well as snacks and drinks on the two bedside tables.
It does take Namjoon a while to get comfortable - physically and mentally - but in the end he and Seokjin are having a lot of fun, actually. He isn't as bad at the game as he thought he would be. It takes a while until he gets the hang of it.
Namjoon doesn't even register how fast the time flies. That's until Seokjin's character stops moving and soft snores fill up the room. The do hybrid carefully leaves the bed, turns off the tv and the lights before quietly leaving the room. His heart is beating fast, yet he is feeling happy and content. He is glad that he didn't change his mind about playing the game with the other. Everything felt a little easier, for the first time in the last six months he felt genuinely less giddy, less paranoid and less anxious.
Namjoon walks quietly into the kitchen, wanting to get a glass of water before going to bed himself. He can hear Jimin and Jeongguk talking before he even enters the kitchen. They don't notice him until he is standing a few steps next to them. “Oh, hi, Hyung” Jimin greets him and turns his head. The smile that was dancing around his lips disappears the second he looks at the taller hybrid. “Hyung?” his voice is suddenly way quieter. He wants to reach out his hand to Namjoons head but retrieves it quickly.
Namjoon doesn't understand what is going on, he turns around to see if there is something going on behind him. Yet he quickly shifts his gaze back after hearing the younger ones gasp. “Namjoon Hyung, what happened?” Jeongguk asks, his face showing a rollercoaster of emotion, only adding to Namjoons confusion and the ugly feeling that bubbles up his chest. “What do you mean?” He stares at them with an open mouth.
“Your ears and tail” Jimin stammers. “They were out and-” he stops himself, not knowing how to word his thoughts. Namjoon immediately touches his hair, searching for his ears. His hands fall right next to him, he can't do anything but stand there in shock.
“It's not bad!” Jeongguk butts in. “You can always have them out if you want to, really. We all do that. We are just worried about what happened to them. That looks painful, Joon-ah.” Jeongguk tries his hardest not to cry as he says that but fails.
Namjoon doesn't say or do anything.
“How did that happen? Did someone do that to you?” Jimin's voice is shaking at the question. “What happened, Joon? How? Who?” he once again feels at lost for words
Namjoon stares at them, his eyes shifting between Jimin and Jeongguk. His mind is racing with what feels like millions of thoughts - too fast, too many, too overwhelming. He feels like there is no control that he owns. He can't do anything when he starts running out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into his room. He crawls into the furthest corner of his bed, hides under a blanket and pulls his legs close.
There are tears running down his face, his breathing is ragged. As if there was no air to breathe around him.
There was nothing he wanted to hide more than his tails and his ears. He never wanted anyone to see them. He never wanted to see them himself ever again. There were only bad memories connected to them. Memories that are re-surfacing oh so vividly in his mind now. Pictures from his childhood and teenage years that he pushed away so deeply.
There is a knock on his door, yet it's too quiet for Namjoon to take notice of them. “Namjoon-ah, can we come in?” ist Jimins voice. He knocks again, louder this time. “Namjoon?” no answer
Jimin and Jeongguk can hear the sobs through the door. They know not to enter a room without being allowed or asked to. They truly know it and normally they wouldn't do something like the thing they are about to do. But Namjoon, their sweet, sweet Namjoon is heavily crying in his room after running away without them truly understanding why.
The knock once more before opening the door and coming in.
Namjoon stares at them, still crying and sobbing. “Joon Hyung, what is going on?” Jeonggug asks softly, his eyes and nose red. “What can we do to help you?” Jimin asks.
“Leave” Namjoon just sobs, rubbing his face with the sleeves of his sweater. "You're crying, Hyung, please tell us what's wrong. We don't understand and just want to help. We dont mind your tail and ears at all, we are just worried-”
“Leave!” Namjoon shouts louder than they ever heard him. Leaving Jimin flinching and Jeongguk shaken.
The dog hybrid never shouts, never raises his voice. Quite the opposite actually - normally it's harder to understand him due to him nearly whispering and murmuring most of the time.
“What is going on?” Hoseok comes running into the room, passing Jeongguk and Jimin. Taehyung right behind him. “Jeongguk and I were in the kitchen and then Namjoon came with his ears and tails out but they looked so mistreated. One of the ears is clipped and his tail was cut off and it just looked so painful and-” Jimin stops as Hoseok holds out his hand towards him.
“It's better if all of you leave now, we are too many people” the oldest of them gestures towards the door. Taehyung and Jeongguk seem like they want to argue but leave nonetheless.
Hoseok closes the door and slides down, leaning his body against the wood.
“I am not going to say or do anything until you feel comfortable to talk or do anything, okay? I know that you want to be alone, you made that quite clear but you're upset and I want to make sure that you are okay. We are all worried about you but we are doing this at your pace, love” and with that Hoseok keeps still, he barely moves, the only sounds are his quiet, gentle breathing and Namjoons cries that slowly but surely die down.
“I am sorry for shouting, I overreacted” Namjoon stutters after quite some time, his head peeking from the blanket.
“You didnt overreact. There is no such thing as overreacting. You acted on your feelings and thoughts and if those were so heavy, so strong that you felt like shouting then that's it. I am the one that should be apologizing instead. I stayed here even though you wanted alone time and I knew that. "I am sorry.” Namjoon doesn't answer but seems to be thinking about the words that the other hybrid just said.
“Would you like for me to keep talking or stay quiet? Be honest please, I don't mind either answer”
“You can keep talking, Hyung” Namjoon says quietly, wiping his tears away. “Okay, love” Hoseok smiles. “A friend of mine, Sunghyun, is from a horrible pack. His family mistreated and abused him. Physically as well as mentally and it took him a lot of courage and time until he ran away from home. I met him in high school and he came to school with a ton of bruises every other day; he always told us that he practiced soccer so hard or that he got hurt at the gym. We believed him for a few months until I went over to his house unannounced. I wanted to bring him the materials for the homework that we got that day because he was sick. I knocked at his apartment door and his father opened the door. He had blood all over his knuckles and on his shirt. I was so scared and confused so I ran past his father and looked for Sunghyun and found him on the floor of the bathroom. He was so close to being unconscious, his father beat him up. I locked the door and called an ambulance and the police. He had multiple fractures and an uncountable amount of bruises and small cuts. It's all okay now, his father and the rest of his family aren't allowed to get near him thanks to a court order. I helped him look for help afterwards and that's how I ended up going to the psychological facilities. I talked to a psychologist as well, after all I saw one of my best friends at that time beat up brutally and felt so helpless. I learned that I can not cure people, that's not my job and also not something that I am capable of but I know how to be there for someone that went through things like this.” Hoseok takes a deep breath.
“What I am trying to say is that you can talk to me about whatever happened. You don't need to worry about what I am going to think. You don't need to be scared of how I will react. At least that's what I like to think about myself. I don't want you to say something about it right now if you don't want to. Like I said we are doing this at your pace but whenever you feel like needing someone to talk about it you know where to find me.” He adds afterwards and waits for any kind of reaction.
"Thank you” Namjoon mumbles and sits up some more. “It's over, I'm safe here” Namjoon states, hoping to take at least a bit of the worry off of Hoseok.
“Okay, love, that's good and if there is anyone that wants to hurt you they have to go through me, Yoongi Hyung, Seokjin Hyung, Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung. We will protect you from everything and everyone that tries to hurt you.”
“Can I ask you one last thing from my side? And then we can stop talking about it if you prefer” Namjoon nods, biting his lower lip nervously.
“Are there any wounds that need some care? Do we need to look at anything and make sure that it heals correctly?” Hoseok asks gently, still sitting on the floor.
“No, everything is okay and healed, I promise” Namjoon answers and nods. “Would you now prefer some alone time, love?” Namjoon nods again. “Okay, Darling." I wont tell the others anything that you don't want them to know. They won't ask about it unless you want it to be talked about, okay? I promise” and with another nod of the dog hybrid, Hoseok leaves the room.
—-------
The following days are awkward. Namjoon can't grasp the exact thing that is different but it's weird. He knows it's because of him. He knows it's because of what happened.
After the talk with Hoseok he felt more confident about talking about it yet he can't find the courage to voice it out.
So that's how he finds himself in Taehyung's room with an envelope in his hand. “Can you read this to the others? I don't know how else to do it” he stammers and hands the envelope to the younger. Taehyung seems a bit confused but takes the envelope. “Of course, when do you want it to be read?” the younger asks.
“As soon as possible, please” Namjoon doesn't dare to look at him. “I can get all of them in the living room right now if you wouldn't mind”
“I don't want to be there when you read it. I will take a walk” Namjoon mumbles, that's the part he has been scared and nervous about. “Okay, Joon, if that's easier for you then do that. I can call you when we're done?”
“That would be nice, yes”
—-------
“Okay” Taehyung takes a deep breath. He is seated on the living room carpet, the closed envelope in his hands. “Namjoon handed me this and asked me to read it out loud. i dont know whats in here either” another deep breath.
The room is quiet, only breathing can be heard.
“Okay” he says again and opens the envelope and takes the letter out.
Hello, I know that this is a weird way of talking about the following issue but I don't know how I can do it otherwise. I could never tell you all of this if we were to be face to face.
Before Jeongguk and Taehyung found me and took me to you all, I was trying my hardest to survive on the streets. It's been two months since I got kicked out of my old packs home. I didn't have anywhere to go and I will always be grateful for you six to find me and offer me a new home.
My old pack, my supposed family used to be nice and sweet and lovely to me. I had a loving house, loving parents and loving siblings. I didn't know when it changed. I didn't understand why I was suddenly such a horrible being. I had perfect grades, took care of the household and did everything the same just like the years before.
It started off with them ignoring me on some days, they would say that they were too busy, that work is being hectic right now. When my father or my brother cooked dinner they forgot to tell me it was ready or there was barely any left. I believed them, they still told me they loved me and that I was being a great son.
Then suddenly they became meaner and more demanding. Whenever I did something wrong they would shout at me and lock me in my room. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for multiple days.
It became physical shortly after. They started hitting me, punching me, shove me down the stairs. For every little thing that annoyed them I got punished.
One time I was tidying the living room after being told that it was my fault that my younger brother had friends over. I heard my parents fight in the kitchen and a loud crash. I ran over and asked what happened, it sounded like my mother got hurt. My father shouted at me once again, slapped me across the face and cut into my left ear. He told me that this should teach me to not listen to other people's conversation.
Roughly one and a half months before they kicked me out I was just in the beginning of my first ever relationship and they gave me roses. I was so happy and giddy about it that I pushed a vase on the ground with my tail and that's when my mother cut that big part of it off. I was in the hospital for two weeks because the blood loss left me unconscious.
I am safe and away from them now but I hate seeing those remains of them on me. I was so scared when they showed that night a few days ago. All those memories came back in my mind and I was overwhelmed.
I'm sorry for shouting and I am sorry for being so closed off. I promise that I am trying.
I loved physical affection. I loved hugs and cuddles and kisses and holding hands but due to the things that I had to go through I started feeling scared of it.
Whenever I see you being affectionate with each other I can't help but envy all of you. I want to be like that with you too but cant help but be scared of it or flinch. I want that to change but I just don't know how. It's too scary
I know that you are nothing like them but I can't help how I think.
If you now think that I am too much and that you don't want me in your house anymore then I can handle that. I am deeply, deeply grateful for these past six months and I won't ever forget what you did for me.
I love you,
Namjoon.
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When Namjoon comes home its chaotic, Seokjin opens the door crying before Namjoon can even look for his keys. He holds the plush dog that the younger gifted him close to his chest. There are a few wet spots on its head. Seokjin chants “I'm so sorry” all over again, his breathing uneven from all the crying.
Namjoon feels a little overwhelmed from the reaction and holds out his hand. The older man stares at it before gently taking it in his own.
Seokjin visibly calms down after this.
“We don't want you to leave, sweetheart. That's the very last thing we would ever want. We want you to stay, please, Namu, stay with us. We love you, too.” The fox hybrid pleas.
“We can work on making you feel as comfortable as you possibly can within your boundaries.” Yoongi walks towards them. Namjoon is still feeling so overwhelmed, too overwhelmed to say anything so he just nods.
“At your pace, how slow or fast you need it”
Namjoon needs a few more days to internalize that it's safe and okay to want physical touch. Now he only needs to figure out how to ask for it.
Luckily Jimin seems to be able to sense it. When he and Hoseok watch a movie on the sofa, the older one leaning onto Jimin, Namjoon stares awkwardly at them. “Want to join, buddy?” Jimin smiles at him and gestures next to him.
The dog hybrid would want to lay his head on the youngers thighs but only dares to sit close and hold his hand.
The next time he comes from work Jeongguk asks him about a hug as well after hugging Yoongi, like he always does. He has to try, he tells himself. He loves hugs, loves the comfort and the safe feeling - so he says yes, for the first time ever. Jeongguks eyes light up and he asks again, just to make sure.
Namjoon smiles sweetly at that and confirms it once again.
The hug feels amazing and Namjoon feels over the moon and if a few tears of happiness roll down his cheeks then everybody acts like they dont notice it.
The dog hybrid glows every time he gets to hold a hand or hug someone or when someone plays with his hair. He doesn't remember when he has been this happy, yet now he doesn't even care.
Some days are worse, some days are better but underneath it all Namjoon is happy, healthy and content. It's like a dream that's too good to be true but it's his reality now and he can't stop smiling.
Now he is loud and energetic and happy and every amazing word that is there in the dictionary.
He found his family, they are not related by blood but that doesnt matter to him, nor to Jeongguk, nor to Jimin, Taehyung, Seokjin, Hoseok, or Yoongi.