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Alan is not a suspicious man. He always wanted to believe in the goodness of strangers. His parents taught him to believe in himself and to trust people. But, with the time, Alan had to admit, some people are strange and bad. Therefore, he made the promise, to his old sister, to never lose his trust in humanity. So here he is, long years later, looking at his Pack, with love and care. He trusts them with his life, he wants to believe there still are good people outside, that when he is not around his Pack, all his members are safe. He really, really wants to stand with this certitude, with his faith. But, when it’s about Jeff, all this great attitude collapses like a house of cards. Jeff became his world, his sunshine, a part of himself. He didn’t understand him at first sight, and didn't like him. The young man shook him, and he hated feeling so vulnerable. When he saw him at the dance floor, as if he was alone in the crowd, as if he was in his own world, Alan thought something exploded inside him. His beast roared with lust for the first time in years, he wanted to jump on the dance floor and eat him alive. It was so hard to control himself. The day after, he appeared in front of him at the garage for the mechanic job. He thought he was a little brat, but he was Charlie's precious little brother, and, deaf. The path of their love story was long, hard but delicious at the same time. With Jeff, Alan discovered a world of sensation, of color, of silence. Alan opened his arms, and his own world lit up. So, Alan is not a suspicious man, but when it comes to Jeff, he has to control himself to not let his beast take control and bite him to never let him go. He knows the young man is strong, he had his own life before him and was able to defend himself. Alan knows he can trust him, he knows Jeff loves him. But, these last few days, Jeff disappears a few evenings a week. When he comes back, he has the scent of happiness which caresses his face and makes his eyes shine. Alan doesn’t want to be suspicious, but he can’t control the cold hand of jealousy squeezing his heart. And his beast doesn’t help at all.
************
The warm and colorful light of the dying sun happily caresses Jeff’s face and colors the late sky. Another long day at work just ended, Jeff feels exhausted but happy. He really enjoys working for X-Hunter, he has the feeling he had been adopted by the crew, he feels safe with them. And, there is Alan. Jeff smiles at the thought of his man. Alan smells so good, he has sweet smiles, he is strong and Jeff knows he can trust him, even if he is an alpha. But even more, Jeff loves him. A smile caresses his lips, his steps look lightly, yes, Jeff is a young man in love. His steps lead him to his new favorite place.
One week ago, Jeff found a flower market while he lonely wandered aimlessly after work. Jeff doesn’t like crowds, he doesn’t feel safe when there are too many people around him. Even if he has his other senses developed, when he is alone he doesn’t like to be around strangers he couldn’t hear. So, that evening, he walked after work as he does many times, clearing his mind and enjoying the moment alone, when his steps took him to an alley. The moment he looked at the scene before him, he felt an explosion of joy within him: a flowers market! The first thing that caught his attention was the colors: there were so many colors everywhere, in different forms, at different places. Then, the smell caressed his body, enveloped him like a kind embrace. After, it was the touch. Jeff closed his eyes and delicately touched the flowers, the petals, the plants. At one kiosk, a pretty canary was hopping in a small cage. Jeff felt good. After that evening, he came back a few times after work. He has found a place where he can be in his own world: for a moment, even a short one, Jeff has the sensation of being in a world where he belongs, where all his senses sparkle.
So, it is not surprising his steps lead him to the market again this evening. Jeff smiles, the sellers recognize him, greet him in silence and smile. They understood early Jeff is deaf and easily accepted his calm presence. There is one old lady that Jeff appreciated the most, she never tried to talk to him, even before knowing he is deaf. It’s like they understand how precious silence is, how to communicate without words. Jeff stops in front of her table, where her lotus flowers are standing proudly. The old lady smiles, Jeff greets her with respect. She disappears for a moment and comes back with a bowl of ramens for Jeff. Jeff is happy, it seems he found someone else to adopt him. Jeff kisses her on the cheeks and even if he can’t hear the giggle that escapes her lips, he can see happiness delight her old face. For a moment, Jeff can see the little girl she was.
The ramen is tasty and hot. Jeff smiles, he closes his eyes to better appreciate it. They stand like this, in silence, the old lady sweetly smiling and Jeff eating with satisfaction. A moment later, he feels little paws touching him, a little beast plays with his shoelaces. Jeff is happy, he was waiting for it. At his feet, there is a little ball of fur happily jumping and rolling on itself. The little kitty meows, staring at him with needs. Jeff sees his little orange fur ball opening his mouth, asking him for cuddling and ramens and he can’t resist. He takes his kitty and hugs him, his soft fur on his face as a caress. His little boy is hungry today, he tries to bite his fingers and push him to put his face in the bowl. Jeff laughs, let him do for a short moment and put him aside. He sees his protestation, and calms him with a sardine he has hidden inside his pocket. The kitty jumps on the little fish and devours it. Jeff caresses his fur while the little kitty eats the fish with ferocity, as he is a furious tiger.
They play like this for a moment, Jeff and the little tiger in their own world. But, it’s being late, Jeff has to go. He sighs, hugs his little tiger tenderly, buries his face in the fur, smells it for a last time and leaves. Jeff never had a domestic animal on his own. He wonders what it's like to have one of your own. He smiles at the thought.
***********
“Where have you been?” Alan asks, without signing it, knowing Jeff could read on his lips.
He shouldn’t react like this, Alan knows it. But, he can’t restrain himself. He has this ball of fire inside him, a ball of anger and nonsense, it takes control of his mind. And his beast doesn't help him, it likes it. When it’s about Jeff, Alan loses control. Even if he made so much improvement, with the man he loves, he loses control.
“Where have you been?” He repeats, louder, signing this time.
He sees how Jeff reacts, with surprise, anger and worst, with fear. He hates himself to be the one who makes this awful emotion in his eyes. He tries to calm down his beast, he tries so hard. A scream inside him orders him to take his boy in his arms and beg him pardon. But the beast is awake now, he can’t control it. Or does he not want to control it?
Jeff doesn’t reply, he stares at him, for a moment, a moment of eternity. Alan looks at his eyes, his so beautiful eyes. They are like two diamonds, Alan can see the world and the galaxy, he wants to dive inside as if the universe could swallow it. But now, there is a storm inside his beautiful eyes. Jeff is hurt. Because of him.
“Don’t you trust me? “ Jeff signs, still looking at Alan’s eyes. He doesn’t smile.
“I… Where have you been? You, you are away all evenings and when you come back you say nothing, but I can smell something on you. I can smell you hiding something!” Alan doesn’t want to say it, does want to look so lamentable, he hates himself but he said it anyway. He is not even certain he signed correctly, but Jeff's reaction tells him he understood.
Alan sees Jeff's body becoming rigid, his sweet face veiled in ice. He purses his lips, lifts his chin and looks at him with an expression that Alan never wanted to see on his handsome face: a mix of deception and frustration. Alan failed.
“I think I’m gonna return to my flat tonight. Will see you tomorrow Alan.” Jeff signs quickly, before turning around and walking to the entrance door. Alan has the time to see sparkles of tears at the corners of his eyes.
Jeff walks away, the silence in the room tightens his throat. Jeff leaves, at each step he does, Alan has the sensation of darkness hold him, more and more, as a cold and heavy blanket. Jeff leaves. Alan is an idiot, he knows it.
**************
Jeff restrains the sob that explodes in his throat to exit his lips. He doesn’t want to show Alan how much he hurted him. The pain is there, as a caress on his heart, on his mind. Alan doesn’t trust me… I knew I should trust an Alpha… At this thought Jeff sob explodes louder inside him and blows up out his lips. He hates himself for thinking this way, he knows deep down he can trust Alan with his life, he even learned to love his beast. He knows he is not fair, Alan loves him, Alan will always protect him. But he is hurt, the way he asked where he had been, the way he doubted him made him remember all his past, all the nasty people he met before. He knows he shouldn’t, but Alan woke up this fear of the world and why he has to protect himself. So he does what he knows better, he walks away. He doesn’t hear the echo of Alan step behind him, the hurry and the calls of his name. But he feels big and warm arms around him from behind, holding him tight . He smells Alan all over him, and he closes his eyes, letting his tears flow on his cheek.
***********
Jeff trembles in his arms, his sobs shaking against him. Alan hates himself, he is supposed to protect him and always make him happy. He failed. He buries his face in his neck and he lets his boy cry, he lets him time, but he doesn’t let go of his hold. Alan caresses with his lips his neck, his hair, he bites sweetly his skin, as like the fluttering of butterfly wings. It’s a way his beast calms the one he loves, he wants to make sure Jeff knows he never let him down. A way to apologize.
After a moment, he feels Jeff relaxing in his arms. Slowly, he turns him around and faces him. At first, his boy doesn’t want to look at him. Alan insists, he holds his chin tenderly and lifts his face so that their eyes make contact. Alan sees defiance inside his eyes, even if his tears still sparkle in his beautiful eyes. Alan smiles, it’s why he loves him, he boy is strong.
“I am sorry. I love you. Please, don’t be angry.” Alan signs, slowly, making certain Jeff has understood.
When Jeff nods, Alan feels so relieved. A smile caresses his smile, with precaution, as if he doesn’t want to scare him, Alan kisses Jeff’s red lips. His boy’s lips respond immediately, an invitation of love and desire. Alan feels like electricity grounded him and made him explode at the same time. He grabs Jeff's back and pushes him against his torso. They kiss with their tongue, licking, biting and eating the other mouth with fierceness. Tears are still falling on Jeff’s face, Alan has to restrain his beast to bite him too much, his beast wants to protect his lover so much.
Alan is on the edge to push Jeff against the wall and fuck him hardly. He feels the desire blowing up inside Jeff, in his kisses, his caresses, in the way of rubbing against him. Alan wants all of him, he needs all of him. But, he can’t have him right now, he feels like a shit for letting him cry, for not trusting him and caring for him the way he deserves.
So, even if it’s painful, he pushes Jeff away. He has to. He needs to. He hears Jeff moaning with pain and feels his beast cry because of this sudden lack of touch skin. Alan takes Jeff’s face, he wants to be certain his boy looks at him.
He signs slowly, he needs to explain himself: “I reacted like shit.” At these words, Jeff giggles, Alan feels like he is flying, he loves him so much. “Please, forgive me. I don’t know how to love you. My beast doesn't know either. But, I know you make me feel good, and my beast even begins to purr when you are around.” Alan signs the last part with a smile, making his beautiful boys laugh more.
Jeff stares, the silence holding them as a familiar and warm blanket. Jeff nods, and signs: “I’ll teach you. But, be patient with me. Charlie was the only one I trusted for so many years before you came into my world. I learned to trust you, to love you. But, I’m still learning.”
Alan replies by taking him tightly in his arms. He knows he will never let him go. As Jeff curls up against him, Alan feels his beast purrs with pleasure. Really? But his beast doesn’t care about him, it has his favorite boy in his arms.
****************
Two weeks later
It’s been a week now that Jeff has not returned to the flower market. I have been too busy with the school and the garage.So, after work or school, he went directly to Alan’s place.
One evening, he made the decision to show the flower market to Alan. If he wants his lover to trust him, he has to trust him too. So, one evening after work, he holded Alan’s hand and then walked to the alley.
Alan made it perfectly, his smile was beautiful, discovering each kiosk with wonder, letting Jeff guide him. The old lady welcomed them with warmth and kindness. Winking at Jeff when Alan's back was turned. Jeff was happy. They eat the bowl of ramen in silence, they all understood Jeff’s needs.
Then, little tiger apparead. A little ball of furs, meowing loudly for attention and food. Jeff took it in his hands and caressed his face on his orange fur. So, Alan understood. As for his beast, it purred as even stronger than usual. Alan had to restrain a giggle, not wanting to offend his beast.
They left with the promise to come back soon.
But it has been a week now. Jeff is too exhausted to walk there. Last night he even woke up in a jump to realize he had fallen asleep on the couch of the garage. A blanket on him, the light of Alan’s office still on.
No really, Jeff is too exhausted to go around the flower market, to visit the old lady and to play with Little tiger. At the thought of the kitten, Jeff feels sad.
**********
Jeff is alone when he enters Alan’s place. He doesn’t understand, Alan left before him, he should have been here. But, they try their best to trust each other, to learn to be a couple. So, Jeff let it be. He is so exhausted anyway, he will just lay a little on the comfy couch and close his eyes for a short moment. Just a small break.
************
Alan is so excited when he enters his house that he has to restrain himself from jumping around and running to Jeff. He has something very precious in his jacket, warm against him. His beast is so over excited that he had to calm it down a few times on his way home. The idea came like an exploded bubble during the afternoon: he saw how his boy was tired and still working hard and smiling and then BOUM he had this idea. He was not certain his plan could work, but in the end all were perfect: the old lady gave her agreement, she was happy the story ended like this.
So, it is with a very happy beast and a big smile caressing his lips that Alan walks to a very asleep Jeff on the couch.
Alan caresses Jeff’s face, kisses softly his lips, waits for his lover to wake up. He hears the moans, he sees Jeff slowly opening his eyes and his beautiful smile dancing on his lips.
“Hey baby” Alan says, knowing Jeff can read on his lips. Jeff replies by smiling even more.
Then, Alan opens his jacket and exits a little ball of orange fur. The kitten meows furiously and only calms down when Jeff holds him against him. He looks at Alan with surprise, not certain to be fully awake and understanding what is going on.
“Little tiger is yours now. The old lady gave it to me for you.” Alan signs happily, sparkles of joy dancing inside his eyes.
Jeff is so happy that a noise, like a groan, exits his lips and kisses with excitement his new kitten. Alan is so happy that he takes Jeff and the kitten in his arms and rolls with them on the couch. Little tiger and Alan’s beast are so happy that they purr loudly. It’s what happiness is, they learn it now, it can be simple.
Fin