Work Text:
November 4th, 2012
For the first time, 007 has truly frustrated me, and in the most juvenile sense. He tends to operate in a professional manner, if not in his own unique way. But it would seem that his reputation for somewhat promiscuous antics is not entirely fabricated.
Speaking frankly, I've found myself infatuated, undeniably, and the blame rests entirely on him.
November 16th, 2012
I had hoped that this fascination would wane with time, but it seems that the problem only builds upon itself.
When he visits, I find myself noticing pointless, minute details rather than giving my work the attention it requires.
Today, I've figured out how he takes his coffee, on which leg he shifts his weight when he's stationary, and how the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes vary depending on how much he has slept, or how amused he is by something.
When he speaks, his mouth ensnares me, and his stride is distracting. Fitted slacks are a nuisance.
November 21st, 2012
We had lunch together this afternoon to discuss a job. It never ceases to amaze me how much attention he draws, and how that works to his advantage as an agent, rather than as a detriment.
Red wine is his preference over white.
November 28th, 2012
I wonder about the etiquette of dating within the work place. Not everyone seems to abide by the supposed, unspoken rule that it’s prohibited. I assume that it’s acceptable so long as it’s unsaid.
Truthfully, this is the first time I’ve considered that as a scenario I’d be interested in pursuing. Not that it’s a likely one.
December 3rd, 2012
I have finally stopped trembling in 007’s presence. I believe the reasoning to be his gradual encroachment on my personal space of late. It should have the opposite effect, but I find his presence soothing. It's as if he has found a way to convey his approval of me, or of my talents, without needing to say so.
I no longer have to use the excuse that it is ‘cold’ to cover my nerves. Though, I wouldn’t have minded if he did follow through with his threat to buy me a better coat.
December 10th, 2012
It might be bordering on obsession, but I've found that the way his lips curl around my name is intriguing. I had never realized how often the words queue and cube come up in conversation before.
I find myself seeking ways to arrange believable excuses to see him. It has not yet aroused suspicion. My phobia of flying becomes most frustrating in this case.
December 12th, 2012
An hour ago, 007 came directly to my place, much like he did a week ago. Last time, he kissed me, drunkenly and brief, out in the hallway before leaving. It's how this all started.
This time, he was wounded, and couldn't be bothered to ‘annoy’ the medical staff so late at night with what he writes off as 'scratches'.
Amidst my inner panic, I managed to treat and stitch the gash on his forehead. I chided him for not seeing a professional, but I can't help but be pleased to know that he remembers the time I mentioned having some medical training.
There's a chance that he has a mild concussion, and I’ve used this for an excuse to insist that he stay with me until morning. I don't know why I'm holed up in my bedroom while he sits in the other room, nursing the can of light beer I permitted him to drink.
I’m curious to hear his feedback on some of the technology I’ve been developing for his- for all of the agent’s use, but he seems listless, and somewhat shut off from the world at the moment. This tends to be the case after most missions. I feel I should try to help him unwind in some way, but I wouldn’t know where to start.
In the end, I have little courage when it comes to matters of the heart.
December 13th, 2012
I'm a fool for the way my heart pounded when I discovered him at my door last night, and for being disappointed when he left before dawn, without a word.
Still, I am not surprised by this.
December 15th, 2012
Someone has been stealing from my personal stash of tea in the break room at work. Through the week, I considered relocating the box to my desk. That is, until I spotted Bond leaving from break with a cup that had a very familiar tea label dangling from the lip.
How is it that even his wink is intoxicating?
December 16th, 2012
I was given the opportunity to assist Bond for a job in Argentina. Had it not required a 16 hour flight, I might have considered it.
That's the excuse I use, but I think it may be related to his quiet exit from my house the other night. It left me feeling like a one night stand. Come to think of it, he barely said five words the whole time he was in my home.
December 18th, 2012
Mum called today. She commented on the supposed lilt of my voice. I wish that she wouldn't insist on arranging conversations during the time I generally masturbate.
I've changed my routine and started doing it in the shower where I wouldn't hear the ring of a phone. Recently, I find the thought of Bond's strong arms and back specifically enticing. It wouldn't take much for him to lift and pin me against the shower wall.
December 19th, 2012
Though I know his age, I often wonder if Bond lied on the official record. He's taken to hastling me with jokes of my youth and innocence, though he can't be more than ten years my senior.
I find his superiority and playfulness attractive, so I endure.
December 23rd, 2012
A moment ago, he came to my office still wearing gym clothes and slick with sweat.
I'm considering spending more time in the fitness corner of the building.
December 26th, 2012
Despite my best efforts, I’m unable to convince James that the Secret Santa gift he so loves did not come from the blonde across the hall at work.
I should have given it to him myself.
January 3rd, 2013
I had assumed that being pressed to a wall with James Bond’s mouth on mine was significant, but I am unsure now. It's been one month since that night, and other than his hovering over my shoulder, he has given no indication that he's interested.
It would seem that night was simply a fluke, brought on by inebriation.
I've given no hint of even recalling what happened, and he has yet to mention it. Perhaps I am misinterpreting his actions. It is difficult to grasp the true motivation behind what he does. It could be that he visits any number of co-workers in the small hours of the night and drinks with them until they end up lip locked. Who am I to complain, anyhow?
March 20th, 2013
I think that the nickname Jimmy particularly annoys Bond, and I am actively pursuing every opportunity to test this theory.
March 27th, 2013
He has developed a counter strategy for the previously mentioned nickname.
Susie Q is hardly an acceptable title for the workplace.
April 2nd, 2013
I have reached the lowest of lows in that I began searching the internet for possible solutions to being 'friend-zoned'. Various individuals suggest that I 'get over it'. As if it would be that simple.
April 24th, 2013
Another visit from James in the middle of the night. What should I take from a hug given by a sleep deprived, over-worked man with far too much alcohol in his system? He left in his usual style, without notice. I attempted to sleep late to avoid hearing him leave, but only accomplished tangling myself in my blankets by twisting and turning all night until I heard the inevitable click of the door.
I should be happy enough that he comes in the first place.
June 12th, 2013
This is ridiculous. I can't concentrate when all I do is mope.
The last month has been a waste of my time and effort.
June 18th, 2013
In his excitement for receiving my newly developed line of compact firearms, James pressed a kiss to my cheek in thanks and patted my ass. He says Christmas came early this year.
August 29th, 2013
I asked James to meet me on the bridge for an urgent message. I pray that he isn't bothered when he hears what I have to say. I can’t stand the questions anymore. He needs to know, and I want the truth.
August 31st, 2013
Just as I remember, he kisses fiercely, and with intent. I felt myself shaking in his grasp once again, but this time, he tasted of mint instead of whisky. When he pulled away, his gaze was sharper than ever, and he called me a fool for waiting so long.
I agree wholeheartedly.
September 8th, 2013
'Walking on air' could not be more fitting a sentiment. I was incredibly efficient today and moved with a bounce in my step.
I’ve noticed that his eyes are brightest when he smiles.
September 12th, 2013
James held my hand through a necessary flight this morning, and I now owe him a pair of dress shoes. If it is possible, I will refuse to board another plane without him there to ease my anxiety, and will personally foot the bill for any potentially soiled footwear.
September 22nd, 2013
James continues to call me by Q, though I’ve shared with him my full name. I don’t pretend to understand the inner workings of his mind.
At least the clever nicknames he comes up with are amusing. My favorite is ‘IQ’.
September 27th, 2013
Eve has caught on to James and I. She congratulated me with a hug.
James got a threatening speech.
October 31st, 2013
There is a reason James doesn't want me calling him Jimmy, but it isn't because he dislikes it.
I've found several more weaknesses of his since last night. The small of my back is undeniably his favorite place, though it is true that he is a 'leg guy'. I find that I am equally drawn to the expanse of his powerful thighs.
I can't say that I'm against cross-dressing if the response is always so positive.
November 5th, 2013
I never guessed that grocery shopping could be such an adventure. Despite what his physique might indicate, James eats like a college student, and buys more alcohol than sustainable food. Fortunately, he has agreed to eat any meal I prepare for him.
Somehow, I feel I might have been tricked. On the bright side, cooking for him will be yet another reason for him to come over.
November 19th, 2013
No matter how many times I remind myself that bruises from the copy machine are incredibly uncomfortable, I continue to allow James to put me in positions to develop them. I’ve always known that I have a taste for rough sex, but this is bordering on masochistic. I have to take frequent walks around the office just to keep out of my seat. He is lucky that it’s more than worth the trouble.
November 21st, 2013
Little by little, James has been opening up to me. I hear more about his missions, though he refuses to admit his reckless nature when I have to patch him up.
He’s finally disclosed the details of his time spent at Skyfall last year. I feel slightly guilty about the way I ached for our relationship to progress (or exist at all) so soon after such a distressing time in his life. The loss of M was bad enough, but I should have known that wasn’t the only thing troubling him. I’ve promised that I will go with him to visit the land where his home once was should he ever feel the need, but he assures me that he has no intention of going back. While I believe him, the offer still stands.
In return for his honesty, I shared more about my own upbringing. He seemed amused by the fact that I was an athlete as a child, and insisted that I prove it by playing a game of football with him and a couple of other agents. Quite honestly, I fear for my life, and may very well regret ever mentioning this particular detail from my past.
December 13th, 2013
Put in perspective, hardly anything has changed about my daily life, apart from my mood and the obvious benefits of sleeping with a man that has an insatiable appetite. It's a good thing. Every day, I feel more and more like this could work.
How does one approach the topic of sharing a home with another special agent?
December 15th, 2013
Leaving a key in his pocket worked wonderfully. I must remember to thank Eve for the unsolicited advice.
Also, I should check the house for bugs.
January 6th, 2014
This year, James is well aware that the Christmas gift I've built for him is from me. The stylized Q in the lower left corner of his new at-home weapon armory reminds him of this every day.
February 19th, 2014
James can talk for hours about his scars. It's come to the point where I can pick any one of them and recite the year and location he received it.
When he asks about my own, I proudly show him my calluses, earned from late nights resting my wrists on the desk in front of my keyboard. I tell him about the few scars on my shins from clumsy adolescence, and the barely visible mark on my chin from a spill I had as an infant.
He touches them all as reverently as he would his own, and follows the freckles on my chest around in random patterns. I'm always left wondering what he's created there in invisible lines.
I’d comment on our Valentine’s Day holiday spent in France, but the truth is, we were indoors the entire trip.
…
Actually, there is one note I’d like to add. James and I decided to revisit cross-dressing, and must I say that he looks ravishing in a mini skirt.
July 7th, 2014
I went into work today with a ring on my finger, and left with overwhelming gratitude for the acceptance of my co-workers.
So begins the next chapter in my life.
I'm aware that a relationship like ours is discouraged and for that reason, unlikely, but I find the fleeting way with which disaster rushes past is a good reminder that now is all we have.
In the end, I suppose it was inevitable that we would take solace in something so reckless. We were only one happy mistake away from colliding, and nobody is perfect. Not even James Bond.