Chapter Text
Emily wasn’t at school on Thursday, or Friday, or even the following Monday. The school went into lockdown on Wednesday, something about an emergency occurring in the Remedial English classroom. Karen had just assumed one of the guys popped far too much percocet, if you’re going to abuse a substance at least do it right. Although, deep down, she had a feeling that wasn’t really the case. While watching it all go down during AP history on Wednesday, looking out the window instead of listening to whatever lecture Mr.Horvitz was going on about; she noticed the silhouettes were a lot skinnier than any of the guys at the school. One of the people in the stretchers was a blonde girl, and unfortunately for Karen, it wasn’t the blonde that she felt deserved it.
The daily meetings with the Remedial English class were on hold for the time being. It wasn’t as though Karen would miss having to tutor kids that likely couldn’t even spell their own names. The whole tutorship program was introduced by Ms. Ames for the sake of ‘resocializing’ the remedial students. No one would willingly put up with that, so they added the incentive of the tutorship counting as volunteer hours. Karen needed volunteer hours if she were to graduate and make it to a nice college, grades weren’t everything the overseers looked at. Her initial motivation was for the volunteer hours, that’s all it was, until she got attached. It broke the monotony of her daily life, it gave her something to look forward to, something to feel.
Including that Wednesday, it had been six days since she last heard from Emily, six days since she heard her mischievous giggle, six days since she saw her bright toothy smirk. Emily hadn’t answered any of her text messages and the school announcements were radio silent. Rumors were all Karen had left of Emily, whispers in the halls talking about the blonde’s suicide, saying it was an overdramatic and attention seeking way to go. Attention seeking or not, to go that far meant she was still mentally ill, she deserved as much care as someone who suffered silently, right?
Nothing else had changed besides the demeanor of her old friend in AP History. Normally, Karen wouldn’t pay any attention to Jecka, she was a plague that infected anyone in her presence. Her attitude changed when she overheard Nicole was the other girl in the stretcher on Wednesday afternoon. Nicole was another predator patrolling the school grounds- well- okay she wasn’t a predator in the typical sense. She was nothing like the counselor or coach, certainly nothing like Kylar either. The brunette always had her wits about her, guard never down, always looking for someone’s weak point then striking swiftly. Karen was just another person she tore down to feel better about herself, didn’t make Karen feel any better that her former best friend was joining Nicole in the hunt. It was impossible not to associate the two of them, wherever Nicole was, Jecka followed her around like a golden retriever.
Jecka became more tense, her hair was frizzy, no longer using makeup made the bags under her eyes incredibly apparent. Oftentimes Karen would catch her squinting at the board, likely due to not having her contacts in. The blonde seemed to stop caring about her appearance, looking more and more disheveled even though it had only been a few days. Karen observed her acting similarly near the beginning of the year when Nicole wasn’t at school for two weeks, although this reaction was a lot more extreme.
As the bell rang, Karen got pulled out of her internal monologue. The school day was over and as per usual, she had no extracurricular activities to attend to. She got out of her seat in the math classroom, watching Jecka brisk right past her. The faint strawberry perfume mixed with tobacco flooded her senses, the illusion of a friendship she could’ve had; dismissing the thoughts of what was nothing but a childish longing, she went to her locker. If everything went according to her own mental roadmap for the rest of her day, she could get home in time to complete her mountains of homework.
''Umm.. Hi Karen..''
Just her luck.
Jeffery timidly spoke up to the black haired girl with a smile across his face. The two hadn’t spoken since their date at the mall earlier in the school year; coincidentally it was the only time he ever wore velcro sneakers. She tried to avoid him as much as she could after what Nicole and Emily said about him. It wasn’t true, she learned that after the fact, but Emily always had good reasons for lying; if Emily thought Jeffery was someone to stay away from then who was Karen to disagree with that assertion.
''Hi. Jeffery.'' Karen tried her best to express her disinterest in her tone.
''Would you like to study together? Great minds think alike and there’s an exam coming up in Math soon so uh we can work on practicing for it together like friends do.'' Jeffery looked up at her through the smudged lenses of his glasses.
Normally, Karen could just text Emily and she’d be over in an instant to scare Jeffery away; whenever he attempted to approach her, he either got too nervous or saw Emily glare at him and scurried away like a rat. She didn’t have Emily with her, and she knows she does not have the same intimidation factor as she does. Navigating social situations was nowhere near Karen’s strong suit, especially in high school.
''Oh uhm.. Thanks Jeffery. It’s a nice offer but I have plans to go study at the coffee shop…'' her voice cracked as she spoke, clearing her throat. Lies never left Karen’s lips, they stayed in her head and manifested into what if scenarios she’d write about. How did people do this so casually and frequently? Just one lie felt like venom forming in her mind and leaving through her words.
''Oh! I can go with you, my mom is free so she can take me there'' his pointer fingers pressed against each other as he awaited a response.
The more Karen lied the further she fell into this sinkhole, something she just couldn’t get herself out of unless she doubled down. Cast aside her flimsy morals for the sake of her own convenience or be blunt and risk getting possibly stalked or murdered by a guy that can’t even tie his own shoes. Losing herself in thought, Karen hadn’t overheard the chatter behind her.
''Jeffery, didn’t you try this before? No one wants to date a perv that takes pictures of girls in the locker room!'' A higher pitched voice intervened, walking closer to Karen.
Karen glanced over, noticing Kelly standing behind her with her arms crossed over her chest. Unlike Jeffery, Karen didn’t like her girls 40 feet taller with cat ears and a tail; she liked girls that didn’t take anyone’s bullshit, stood tall, and spoke their minds. Kelly fit a lot of that criteria, not enough for Karen to risk speaking to her unprompted but enough to where she could admit she was pretty.
''H-hey! That was one time, a-and Nicole forgave me!'' Jeffery attempted to plead his case to a jury that had already decided his verdict.
''Nicole didn’t forgive shit! '' Jecka pushed past Karen, standing in front of her and glaring down at Jeffery.
It wasn’t surprising that Nicole’s lap dog would go and defend her name when she wasn’t around. Although, Karen anticipated Jecka wouldn’t do so in front of others, only waiting til the halls were less populated to scare Jeffery half to death. She couldn’t help but watch, peeking over Jecka’s shoulder to watch the fear in his eyes grow.
Somehow, Jeffery still had the unfounded confidence to continue this losing battle. ''Y-you’re just m-mad I almost showed everyone-''
…
There was an immediate crash, glass shattering filled her ears as she ducked below Jecka. Fights like this weren’t uncommon here, far from it, but she never witnessed one first hand. She watched the pieces of glass scatter across the floor, a loud slam of someone being pushed up against the lockers. Karen had never realized how strong Jecka had become in the past few years, her toned arms visible as she held Jeffery up against the locker by his neck. Whatever he was going to say was enough to incite such a visceral reaction from someone that barely looked alive in the past few days. Blood dripped on the floor around Jecka’s white uggs, staining her shoes in the process.
''Shit…'' A softer voice trailed off, walking up to Karen and kneeling down beside her. The red haired girl looked at her, seemingly understanding how nervous she was in this predicament. ''It’s probably good to leave now, I don’t know how long this is gonna last for.''
Karen had forgotten Ari started getting along with Kelly, and by proxy Jecka. Why would she? She didn’t have any friends herself so why would she bother keeping track of everyone else’s social connections. At most, Ari was someone she was at least friendly with, they never got at each other’s throats and Ari was always kind enough. Emily seemed cool enough with Ari, she made some remark about how Ari would be a lot cooler if she was as confrontational with the girls as she was with the dudes; for Karen though, Ari being passive and somewhat kind is likely what saved her from being forced on an uncomfortable date with the only pervert in school that had a brain.
She grabbed her backpack from her locker, holding it close to her chest and running away from the scene of the crime. Jecka’s entourage coming to save the day was not on Karen’s mental roadmap, if anything, the blonde was a flashing red warning sign that she did her best to avoid. She took a few deep breaths, trying to regulate her breathing as she pushed her way out of the school doors. She was fine, no one was going to hurt her, she didn’t do anything wrong and at most Jecka will get in trouble for what happened.
Why did Jecka assert herself in the situation? It didn’t affect her at all, Jeffery likely would’ve stopped talking if they ran with the narrative that Nicole somehow forgave him. It wasn’t logical, it didn’t add up, it didn’t make sense; nothing about high school girls made any sense.
Karen eventually reached the hospital, parking her third generation ford taurus in one of the many empty parking spots outside the entrance. She wasn’t anticipating it to be so quiet, it was a smaller local hospital rather than one of those busy ones where practically anyone with any problem goes to.
It didn’t take too long for her to find the main desk, Karen checked in and asked to see the one behind the whole double suicide. Surprisingly, she was let in with ease, no one else was visiting so she had the room for the two of them. Karen slowly walked in the room, closing the door behind her and sitting down in the empty chair.
Emily looked ghostly pale, somehow more pale than Karen herself. Her eyes were closed but even while unconscious Emily didn’t appear anything close to peaceful; restless until the day she met death. Karen shuffled closer in her chair, putting the back of her hand on Emily’s forehead; she was cold, not deathly cold but cold enough to make Karen worry about her.
''You’re resilient… everything you stand for, not backing down to society’s bullshit as you call it…'' Swearing still didn’t feel totally right, although remembering Emily’s proud smirk whenever she actually swore made her feel comforted. ''I’m… sorry I haven’t visited. I’d say it was because of exams and excessive homework, but we both know how you’d respond to that'' Karen let out an amused exhale. ''I know, ‘nerd shit’ doesn’t get between friends… I think we’re friends anyways. I just wish, maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to see inside your head. See the tornado that crashes through and understand how things ended up this way.''
That kind of technology wasn’t real, as much as Karen wanted to will it into existence; even if she didn’t believe in that sort of spirituality. She’d pay whatever price to understand the girl strapped to an IV, to comprehend what led her to this point. All she could do was talk to Emily as though she was still awake, crazy people things but Karen researched that on rare occasions people could hear things around them while comatose. If she kept talking and visiting her daily, maybe Emily would wake up soon.
''...so then Jecka grabbed him and kicked his ass- I think- I didn’t stay for the whole thing. You probably would’ve joined in the brawl, saying something like ‘go eat shit and die Jeffery’, not exactly that but you know what I mean..'' Karen concluded her recap of the day’s events to Emily, holding her hand tightly as she spoke. She wasn’t sure if Emily would allow her to or if she’d bat at her like an angry kitten.
Karen pulled out her phone to check the time, it had been about two hours since she showed up at the hospital. She rubbed her thumb on the back of Emily’s hand with a small frown. Emily looked a little more peaceful, although maybe Karen was just seeing things at that point. She hesitantly let go of Emily’s hand, visiting hours would end soon and she didn’t want to disrupt the doctors’ work. She got up from the chair she had been sitting in for far too long, stretching out her back with a silent yawn.
The hospital was quiet, besides the heart monitor’s beeping there wasn’t anything else to indicate she wasn’t just lost in her own head. Occasional whispers of the doctors talking about treatment plans and contacting the patients family members for updates. She wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but it was hard not to when the only other voice she could listen to was her own; it made her start to wonder, did Nicole have any visitors? If anyone came in to visit, Karen would’ve heard them enter and talk to the front desk staff.
Leaving Emily’s room, she went up to the front desk, glancing around to make sure she didn’t recognize anyone here. It was stupid, to worry about the girl that fat shamed her and belittled her. Nicole was the person Emily trusted the most, Nicole was the one that Emily let into her life and intertwined their fates. As much as Karen wanted to hate Nicole, she couldn’t help but want to understand her. Know what makes her so enticing to everyone around them, comprehend why people were willing to throw everything away for a sociopath without a care in the world. On the other side of her curiosity, she wanted to see what Nicole looked like when she wasn’t on top of the world. The brunette wasn’t in power anymore, being unconscious meant she couldn’t use her verbal venom to ensnare her prey.
''Hi, I’d like to sign out. I was visiting Emily Aleister in room 243.'' Karen anxiously tapped the counter, waiting for the receptionist to turn around.
''Oh sure, just right your name here!'' The receptionist smiled brightly, as though if she wasn’t smiling, the hospital patients may die. Her smile did nothing to soothe Karen’s nerves, but it was the thought that counts. Karen grabbed the pen next to the clipboard, filling out her name, time and date of her visit. Unfortunately, she couldn’t help but ask the question that lingered in the back of her mind. ''Has anyone visited Nicole?'' The words escaped her mouth before she could even consider the consequences of asking that question.
''Nicole?'' The receptionist was puzzled, turning around to face her computer and clacking away at the keys. She paused, pursing her lips and turning back to face Karen, ''the girl that was admitted with Ms.Aleister?'' The receptionist inquired, taking the clipboard away from Karen and placing it on the other side of the desk. ''H… She hasn’t seen any visitors, no. Are you a friend of hers?''
Oh no- lying- again. Once again, life decided to test one of her weakest skills. Karen didn’t need to lie necessarily she just needed to omit some information. ''You could… you could say that'' not exactly a lie just, feeding into the narrative the receptionist created.
The receptionist looked at her with almost a knowing expression, a sort of teasing glint in her eyes. Did she think that- did she assume Nicole was someone Karen found interest in? Yeah, she couldn’t tell if that was a worse assumption to have than the truth of the matter.
''The room is right over there, remember visiting hours end shortly'' she gently reminded her, gesturing towards the room next to Emily’s.
Karen nodded, quietly walking towards the lion’s den, attempting to silence the sounds of her breathing. Opening the door into the cavern, it was a lot less terrifying than she had anticipated. Nicole laid on the bed, IV hooked up to her scar covered wrists, eyes closed and her breathing audibly stiff. Karen approached the injured girl, looking closer at the scars that lined her wrists; It wasn’t as though she’d never seen self harm scars before, Emily had those littered across her body. She had never seen them so concentrated, so deliberate and deep in the skin. Each scar across Nicole’s wrists felt like a moment of agony in her life, a moment where she couldn’t find the desire to keep on living.
Empathy was the last thing Karen had expected to feel when she entered, Nicole was a heartless predator. In the condition the brunette was in, how deathly pale her skin was, somehow more pale than usual. The bruises that lined her neck and upper arms, the skeleton-like form of someone that was usually so terrifying. If her own parents hadn’t left her behind with money and a house to herself, would her life be like Nicole’s?
''I hate you'' Karen started off, abruptly interrupting her thoughts. She couldn’t get lost in her own sympathy, Nicole was still the same person underneath her current condition. ''You did this to Emily, I don’t want to hear whatever excuse you’d fester up. This is the one time you’ll listen to someone other than your echo chamber!'' Karen attempted to keep her voice low despite her anger, she didn’t want anyone to kick her out when she was finally able to say how she felt.
In truth, Karen didn’t know anything about what happened on that Wednesday, everything seemed fine the last time she spoke with Emily. She couldn’t fathom the idea of Emily hiding something so big from her, no, that wasn’t her friend. Nicole must have done something to land the two of them in a situation like this.
''The one thing I hate more than you is how I feel bad for you, everyone mourned Caesar when Brutus stabbed him. Now that you lost your throne, you look fragile, frail, almost pathetic in a way…'' Karen trailed off, unsure where she was going with this. She started speaking from the depths of her heart and let it all escape the chambers of buried resentment.
''You’re so damaged all you know how to do is bring everyone down with you, maybe that’s why Jecka likes you so much…'' She stepped closer to Nicole, standing by the side of her bed. The brunette’s appearance looked worse up close, as though a single tap on the arm would shatter her bones into dust. ''How can someone like you tear people down when you’re no better than they are?''
No matter how many questions she managed to verbalize, answers would never come to her. Interrogating the unconscious teenager wouldn’t wake her friend up, it wouldn’t turn back time and stop the incident from ever happening. Karen let out a heavy sigh, feeling almost slightly better she got to express the emotions she couldn’t put a name to. On the other side of the coin, she felt worse seeing Nicole’s state and almost understanding the brunette’s agony. She left the room, holding her stuff close to her chest as she walked out of the hospital.
Karen knew Emily didn’t have a great relationship with her parents, she wasn’t totally shocked to hear no one had visited her, but Nicole? She thought at least someone would’ve come to visit within the last few days; guess it showed how little Karen actually knew about the brunette. The car was waiting for her where she left it, not a surprise but she always had that sliver of anxiety that told her she’d get her car stolen one day. She hopped in her Ford Taurus, putting the key in the ignition. Karen’s leg bounced up and down as the car started up, starting to contemplate something that was likely a horrible idea.
A sharp exhale escaped her lips as she tightened her hands around the wheel. She placed her forehead up against the top of the wheel with a groan; sometimes the idea of having the same life motto as Nicole didn’t seem like such a bad thing. Her mental roadmap for the day changed once again as she decided to make a detour before heading back home. The plague wasn’t avoidable forever, she’d have to see her eventually, might as well take the first step.
Karen made her way towards a place of nostalgia for her, somewhere she used to spend all her time as a kid. She pulled into the parking lot, stopping the car with a heavy sigh. Is this what being a good person gets you? Agonizing over making decisions for people that don’t deserve your kindness? Karen got out of the car, balling her hands into fists to suppress their shaking. She made the trek to Jecka’s front steps, closing her eyes once she reached the door; mentally preparing herself for what might greet her once she knocked.
Knock.
Nothing.
Knock. Knock.
Still nothing.
It was almost as though no one was home, but Jecka’s car was in the parking lot. Either she wasn’t hearing Karen’s knock or she was deliberately ignoring it. She tried again, continuing to knock on the door a few more times. Silence wasn’t what greeted her though, Karen heard something on the other side of the door.
Quiet sobs and whimpers, almost like a kicked puppy. Heavy and shaky breaths that were interrupted by hiccups.
Karen hesitated before knocking again, wondering if it was worth trying to speak to Jecka at that point. It was clear she was in distress and Karen showing up at her door likely wasn’t going to help with that. Allowing her better judgment to take control, she put her hands back down to her sides and started to walk back.
She didn’t make it a single step down the stairs.
The door to the house opened, strawberry perfume flooded Karen’s scenes as she turned back around to face the blonde. She didn’t think Jecka could look any worse than she was during classes, and it turned out she was terribly mistaken. Hair up in a messy ponytail, square glasses almost falling off the bridge of her nose, amber eyes dulled as if she was the one in the coma. Jecka wore long sweatpants and an oversized stained hoodie, the latter smelt strongly of whatever cigarettes she had been smoking recently.
''What?'' Jecka grumbled, glaring at Karen with a similar level of intensity she had seen earlier.
Karen had forgotten Jecka could actually see her, she wasn’t just watching from the sidelines now. The disheveled princess was aware of her staring, analyzing everything that was broken about her. It clearly made Jecka uncomfortable, being under the microscope of someone she had casted aside. Karma was a bitch, and as much as Karen wanted to be as well, something stopped her; held her back from spitting the same venom back that Jecka always gave her.
''It’s about Nicole'' was all she responded with, softly reminding Jecka of her one weakness. The mention of the mentally unstable brunette was all it took for Jecka’s expression to soften if only a little.
''What about her?'' Jecka’s voice was a hushed whisper, looking at Karen with round eyes. It was almost addictive how quickly she made the blonde lower her guard. No wonder people were such assholes, having so much power over someone was a drug in itself. It would be so easy to break Jecka, tell her that Nicole was dead, tell her that Nicole had a note in her pocket that blamed Jecka for the entire situation.
''Why haven’t you visited her?''
All the power Karen had slipped from her grasp as Jecka practically recoiled at her inquiry. The softness in her amber eyes dissipated as she pulled back from the doorway. Karen had certainly struck a nerve, she knew that much for sure.
''You don’t know her! You don’t know us , Karen, get out of my fucking business!'' Jecka spat back, wrapping her fingers around the inside doorknob.
''I don’t know what you two are like, I do know how you treated your last best friend, Jessica. Go ahead, leave Nicole to rot for all I care, her blood is on your hands. Another friendship you let shrivel up and die because of your own ego!'' Karen lost whatever sense of tranquility she had going into the conversation.
Karen couldn’t stop burning the remains of the bridge that once held their friendship together. ''No one’s visited Nicole, no one, it’s been almost a week! You only care about people when they serve your interests, when they’re someone that benefits you. Having friends is nice until your friends’ problems aren’t so hot and sexy, it’s no longer cool, it’s terrifying. Instead of helping them through it you’d rather forget they were ever a part of your life!''
Jecka’s enraged expression shifted, no longer angered and defensive. She looked almost betrayed and in shock, the tears started to form in her eyes again. Her face was still bright red, matching with her light pink hoodie. She stood there like a statue, processing what was just said to her. The blonde’s entire body seemed to shake as a sob started to form in her throat, the tears falling down her face.
Karen immediately knew she went far, farther than she meant to with her insults. She didn’t feel too bad but seeing Jecka this way was a foreign sight. Vulnerable and on the brink of collapse, her heart yearned to comfort the blonde, tell her everything would be okay and they’d make it through together; just like how they did back in elementary school. Those days were long behind the both of them, cementing their place as nothing but history when Jecka slammed the door in Karen’s face.